Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Can my relationship move beyond it's abusive past?
Honestly, it doesn’t sound like you are ready to leave. It’s okay to forgive him for the past, even if it wasn’t pretty, if that’s what you want to do.
Do you know why he changed?
Why leave now you already been through hell and back.
Why did he change .?
Have you considered counseling? Sounds like some deep rooted issues you have within - possibly him too.
Do you miss the drama of the cheating, fighting, name calling etc?
Try to put the past behind you and embrace these loving moments. There is so much to love about life, we don’t have time for the negativity.
Good luck 
You’ll never get over it fully. Whatever your gut says trust it.
He just stopped? Did he get therapy or are you just not pushing his buttons anymore. Abusers don’t usually stop on their own. If he did maybe you’d benefit from joint therapy where you can have a safe place to speak your feelings.
The past is in the past and needs to stay in the past. It sounds like you have one foot out the door already. It also sounds like your not in love with him anymore so go. Staying wouldnt be good for your babies.
I’d try counseling tbh
If he has changed and it’s been a few years. That’s amazing. I understand the resentment. Maybe try counseling and work through the leftover anger.
Run.
Seriously, this post requires a one word answer – RUN.
That’s up to you & your feelings. He’s one of the few, bc most abusers don’t change. But if you can’t get past the past or return the love fully, then it’s not good for either of you. & Stayin together jst bc of the kids doesn’t help them. They learn by watching, & you want to teach them how to love & how to be love.
You both are in an unhealthy relationship. Sometimes no matter how much u love someone I aren’t good for each other. Both need to experience a healthy relationship.
Definitely go to counseling
Narcissistic love bomb
If I were you, I would sit down and talk to him, calmly and like adults. Explain to him that while you love the way he is now and you’re glad that your relationship is no longer as it was, that you’re having trouble moving past everything that has happened in the past. Make sure you acknowledge that you mean the past on BOTH parts. See where the conversation goes. Maybe try couples counseling, a professional might be able to help the two of you work through it. When it’s all said and done, if you still can’t get past it, then it might be time to split. Remember that splitting does not mean you’ve failed your children. The two of you can still successfully raise your children together without being together.
15 years!!! That’s a long time to just leave now after all the darkness when your finally “happy” even tho it seems like he’s the only happy one… I would have a conversation with him about your feelings, I find that always helps me recharge an move on when everything is kn the open!! Either way you need to be happy but I wouldn’t keep wasting his or you time
You’ve both been abusive to one another and you’ve both cheated on one another. Love bombing is another foe of manipulation. Leave.
Did he change, or is he changed his brainwashing ways
You have to work on you. Ask yourself why you are feeling this way. You only have control of the way you react. It’s a choice. It’s amazing he changed.
I dealt with mine for a year. He didn’t start till we were married. I just filed assault charges today
You have 4 kids together. What would you tell your kids if they were in this position? Would you be okay letting your daughter stay with a man who beat her? Would you be okay letting your son beat his girlfriend? Honestly sounds like y’all both need a lot of help.
You definitely need to talk to him about it. You have to heal before you can move on
Sounds like it’s extremely toxic. I’d leave, but I’d have left a long time ago.
Go to counseling. It will help you deal with the past, present and future.
I think you guys should go to counseling to try and work through everything.
I read the first sentence and thought toxic. I’m sorry you have had to go through this.
Depends on what is stronger im ur mind, does ur family matter more or do u. Good luck thats a tough choice, BTW I left a abusive relationship and I’m glad I did, my kids did not care like I thought because their lives became better and happier
They settle down when they begin to realize their own mortality. Start feeling their age.
I was with mine 19 years. The last 4 years were great, so I thought…he was actually preparing to divorce me and was super nice so I didn’t see it coming. We had built aot together, property, houses we were financially excellent. For the first time ever encouraged me to start a career, i was never allowed to work outside the home before. I thought wow we are going to make it, he was giving me false trust and hope. On my 1 year work anniversary I was served divorce papers. I had no idea, i couldn’t believe it I mean we were finally good together, we finally had it figured out. We had just built a huge forever home that he let me help design. While i was in make believe land thinking he had changed he was tying up or assets so I couldn’t get them in the divorce. If I had an income for a year them our state considered me financially independent so no alimony…the morning before I was served he drained all of our mutual accounts which he had finally let me be joint account with him. That was never allowed before. Everything was his. I came home crushed he was willling to give me our second home and money and every other week with the kids. Behind my back he was secretly turning my older boys against me they did not live in the home, he was taking school notes out of the little ones back packs so I wouldn’t know anything going on at the school. Then tell them my job was more important. This all came out when I retained a lawyer thanks to my boss at the time. As soon as I hired a lawyer he was the worst he has ever been. We have been divorced 3 years and the better I am mentally physically all of it the harder he comes at me. So my point is proceed with caution…
Leave. Just leave. Take those kids (I honestly didn’t bother reading after your first sentence) and leave him immediately.
Marriage counseling and separation would be my suggestion. Try to work on things the right way and then leave if you decide you still want to.
Marraige counseling helps a ton of people to figure out what’s best for them. I highly advise you look into that.
Counseling if you feel it’s worth getting through it….its history is toxic. Be careful!
You need help. You stayed through abuse but now being treated right you want to leave? You obviously have issues and feel like abuse is love. Seek help
The both of you cheat(ed) on one another & have hit one another. Sounds like you both bring the worst out in each other & to me that’s not good for the kids to see or feel the tension between the two of you.
I’d say to separate, you’re both toxic for one another & being unfaithful can never be forgiven or forgotten about.
It’s not something I could personally move past
1% of abusers truly change their ways and that is with extensive cognitive/behavioral therapy. In other words, it is extremely unlikely it will change. I left after 10 years and I found true, pure happiness after working on myself. I hope you do the same.
If he hits you he will kill you. It’s not a matter of if, but when. Get! Out! While you can please.
Therapy is always an option. Go by yourself first to get it all out. Then go together. It’s worth a shot.
Maybe see a counsellor yourself and work through how you feel and then make a decision. If you do decide to stay maybe both of you could seek counselling together to help the relationship move forward positively with a fresh start
Counceling. The behavior will return
Love bombing is never good.
I’d bounce.
You staying is only teaching your kids that abuse is okay and they will become abusive or get in abusive relationships themselves.
It takes 2 to make a relationship work. If you have done wrong in the past as he has to you an you feel a change in your relationship ship for the better. Stay and talk to him about it. If you don’t want to and can’t move past it. Leave
Man. If this isn’t some bold and beautiful stuff idk what is… 
Counseling… You haven’t considered leaving until he starts treating you right. I’d say some individual and couple therapy could help alot
Get couples counseling, too many find it easy to just walk away. At least you can say you tried if it doesn’t work.
It takes two to make it in any relationship. If you have unresolved issues it won’t work til you fix it.
Make a game plan. Don’t tell him anything and get out as soon as you can. When I was younger I dated someone older and he was physically and mentally abusive. A total narcissist. He controlled everything I did, I had no friends and no life outside of him because he made it that way. He would stalk me, hack into computers to see who I was talking to, and much much worse that I won’t post on here. He would apologize and I would come back thinking he changed only to find out he hadn’t. I had to get a restraining order after he hit me as I feared for my life. Please get out while you can. I can offer you several resources if you need them… just message me. No judgement I promise.
Girl, you’re in a toxic relationship and aren’t good for each other. It won’t get better. Let him go and you both can find someone else. I understand not wanting to rip your family apart, but it’s better for your children to see you apart and coparenting rather than together with toxicity.
What a rotten relationship
He has changed give him a chance
Tmhave you thought or are seeking therapy? Whether it’s indi6 or couples.
Changed behaviour is the the best apology but for how long will that changed behaviour last?
Marriage counselling . but you both will have to want this to make it work !!
If he made a habit of hitting you before he will hit you again. Eventually something will set him off- and even if by some miracle it doesn’t, you will spend your life wondering when or if the next hit will come. Not every relationship is worth saving, particularly those with a history of violence. Leave while you still have that option.
Seems toke you were both immature children playing house. You gave back what you got. He sees you as a strong woman now and stands for yourself. Talk to him. It seems that he has decided to grow up and be a meaningful partner. But you have also matured and are scared to continue. I would talk to him. Ask him , why all the love. Communication is the key . If yelling starts ,tell him bye. Prayers for you in direction and guidance. God bless.
No real man would ever hit a woman!!! I sure as hell wouldn’t put up with it or blame myself, I’d leave!!
And seek out some counseling
I suggest counseling. Work thru it and give him a chance
Go to counseling work on self first… then maybe you both go to marriage counseling.also see if he will go to counseling. Maybe the love you had is gone or you are still hurt and angry about the past and you don’t trust the future as well. Dont stay where you aren’t happy no matter what… you said you don’t want to rip your family apart. Just think what you are doing if you stay and aren’t happy… A lot of emotional stress the family have to live in …not good
I think you need to be honest with your husband and get some therapy!
Sometimes they do mellow out and realize what they have
If your gut instinct is to go then R U N!It will cycle back and you may not be so lucky to live to talk about it.God bless and good luck
Something is going on that he stopped hitting a few yrs ago… either something or someone set his dumabas* straight or he’s being sneaky.
I dont nor will I ever, trust an abuser. They’re brain are hardwired differently. It’s to suspish.
You had kids w him and around that.
Get you all into therapy.
Everybody wants to say he is abusive, but you were too! If he forgave you why can’t you forgive him? It sounds like u both grew up. If you love him and wanna be with him I say give it chance.
Get out. Run. Next time he does it could mean death for you since it’s been so long.
LOL no. Y’all are toxic together. Time to go your separate ways
You should’ve left after he started hitting you…
Sounds like you need to sort yourself out. You stayed with him through two sided abuse when you should have left but now that he’s changed and hasn’t hit you in years, you want to leave now that there’s no abuse…. I think you need to get counseling to get YOURSELF right otherwise your never going to be happy in yourself or with anybody else.
don’t stay with someone just cause you have kids to them just makes things worse girl
You are justifying HIS behaviour by explaining that you hit him back. Dont. He hit you because he could, you’re less than him ,you can be controlled by his violence, and now you can be controlled with gifts. I was abused for many years in the very same way. Stand your ground, leave this relationship and dont look back. He absolutely WILL hit you again.
I am going to tell you I was a momma of 4 in your same shoes back almost 20 years ago. Think about what you kids may have seen they are what matters in this story. It hurts them more then both of you. It still kills my kids to this day that I stayed and let there dad treat me that way to try to keep my family together.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Can my relationship move beyond it's abusive past?
Personal opinion- I would seek therapy for one on one to resolve your underlying issues and also marriage counseling. It’s a safe place to get these issues out in the open and fixed. Now fixing might not be the outcome you want but it gives you the tools to recover and heal from the past but also might help you heal what your current hurts are. Best of luck momma❤️ remember to always put your safety and your kids first!
You have what you always wanted, love,respect, commodity girl enjoy your life and give God thanks
You both sound as bad as each other tbh, don’t know why everyone is calling him 
Please leave. My parents never did and it effected every one of their children and just breaks your heart as a daughter. You deserve better. He deserves better. My mom deserves better, my dad deserves better, and my sisters deserved better. that’s no life to live and if your children are witnessing it you’re only dragging them down with you and that’s not fair. They will hate you both for that. Think about your kids and get out
Seems like so much toxicity. Sometimes the wounds of the past don’t heal. We can’t undo things that have been said and done…marriage counseling would be helpful to determine if it’s salvageable or if not. Just don’t wait because you’ll be in the exact same spot 5 or 20 years down the line so something has to be done.
It’s about control, period. You deserve more than that
I have never been in your shoes, so I really can’t say much on what you should do. But if you truly love him I would suggest marriage counseling if he is willing to go with you. Even if he’s not willing, go for yourself and work on your feeling on the topic and get your mind clear. Then I would hope the decision should be easier to make. I’m so sorry you have went through all you have but ptsd is real sweetie and you need closure.
Stay n forgive n treat him like he’s treating u…you both hv demons to bury
Leave , he’ll do it again
Maybe suggest marriage counseling
It takes time I tell you that. You have to be real committed to get past this , you can do it, but theres rocks along the way. But if it’s worth it, give it a try. If you see he is not cooperating, than that’s a tough cookie, cuz they be stubborn and is hard to get past them feelings.
This is so damn toxic
Wether you remain together or not it sounds like you both are abusive and your entire family could benefit from counseling children included because they are stuck in the middle and become desensitized and can pass these problems on generationally.
I would leave him it affects the kids believe me its never going to change its a cycle prayers get away
Love bombing is a narcissistic trait. It goes hand in hand with abuse (emotional, psychological)
It’s all about do you love him and want him figure it out maybe both do counseling
You’re with a narcissist. They do NOT change. They are NOT capable of real love. Is this the life you want for yourself? Because this is how it will be. Set a better example for your kids, because this effects them too. It’s not just about you. It’s about them too. Two happy homes is better then one toxic miserable one. You’re showing your kids that all of this is okay, and they will seek out these things in their future relationships.
Talk to him about your unresolved trauma and concerns. see how he reacts, and decide if it’s worth marriage counseling. If the two of you both really want better and want change, then change will happen.
I’ve been going through this for a year and I’m at the point I don’t know if I can forgive. I don’t know what I want now
Stay, forgive and then both of you start loving like you just met.
You can’t move forward if you are focusing on the past. You will be stuck in that mind set. Check out some Abraham Hicks videos.
It’s up to you really. Sit down and do some homework like I did: get a piece of paper, draw a line down the middle. On one side write down all his faults and ways he’s hurt you, on the other side write down the positive - figure out which one outweighs the other, but first you have to decide if can forgive him and trust him again - if not then there’s no way it’ll work.
Leave the fxkn bastard
No… why take the chance