Can relationships last if mom is the breadwinner?

So if you made less than him would there still be an issue? Telling him to go make more money to even things out is silly. Tell him to pitch in and help or hire a cleaning service.

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Who ever is working less should be able to do more around the house.

Compromise at home. One cooks the other cleans.

Day off by yourself that person responsible for baby, shared day off both equally responsible for baby.

Who earns more pays more towards Bill’s and essentials

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I wonder if part of the issue is your expectations of how things needs to be done. You state that it didn’t work out but didn’t explain why it didn’t work out. If you want it done a certain way and that’s not met then meeting in the middle needs to be discuss. When bringing to two peoples lives together there needs to be compromise no matter who makes what. If you’re already saying you don’t see this working long run bit haven’t made compromises or had conversations of what your are expecting you might as well just dip out now. Communication of expectations and compromise is what needs to happen if you and he can meet in the middle or communicate then yea it’s not going to work or be happy.

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I think you are selfish. Dong need to say
More. You know

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Get a divorce and do everything on your own and see how you like it then!

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Seriously? Over money issues and I say that because you made a point to mention you make more and pay more, if you’re in a relationship with a “Loving partner and father” be happy and for you to tell him to make more money, maybe with his job that’s not possible right now. Let him help you with your business and you pay him the extra money you want him to make. I stay home and my husband helps but not all men are willing to do that , especially if their partner makes him feel like he’s less than because she makes more money and I don’t know your ages but if he’s not good enough for you-let him go and he can find someone who accepts him for who he is.

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How would you feel if this were the other way around and this were being said about you? Sounds like your ego is growing along with your business…

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It seems that a lot of people forget that each person is entitled to their own beliefs and ways. That was the way things were for many years and there is nothing wrong with that. What kills me is non traditional people want to judge those who like tradition and the “old” ways and put them down but heaven forbid anyone say anything about their ways and beliefs. Get over yourselves! Back to the point, that is something you have to seriously think about. A loving and supportive partner and father means a lot in this day and age and it will probably be difficult to find another man who feels and sees things the way you do. It seems like you guys have a good life but in life we make sacrifices and we adapt to our situation. If you truly do love him then it’s worth adapting.

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So you decide to open a business, which has become successful, and he’s the one who needs to make more money? wtf is your power trip, girl? Women are also not ‘‘naturally’’ better at any of those things listed…they just take on the role. Would you be more comfortable with your husband watching your kid or kaycee anthony? My point exactly. lol Sounds like you’re just looking for permission to break up with him now that you have a thriving business and can make it on your own without using his help…:thinking: As for the actual chores, set up a family chore chart. Mine helps with certain things around the house because we both work and it isnt fair for one partner to shoulder all of the burden.

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So you were good while he paid more and you done less. Now you’re on your high horse and he’s just the poor guy living with the one that used to rely on his support. GTFOH WITH THAT SHIT. Snob much? So where did the money come from that started your business if he contributed more money

It shouldn’t be about who makes more. Is the work you both do comparable? Such as amount of hours worked per week, is one more physical labor than the other? The dynamic will shift over the course of your relationship. If you feel you are physically doing a lot more work than him then you should find ways he can take some of the burden off of you. If you are strictly looking at $ then you are the problem in my opinion.

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He loved you when you had less, why can’t you do the same? If the bills are paid and he treats you well then that’s all that matters

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Yup.
If everything goes well, My guy is going to be the stay at home dad and I’ll be working in a career i love.

But right now I’m in school full time and he’s taking care of us. So it’s basically just flipping :heart:

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Just because your paycheck is higher doesn’t mean he has to try to complete. The person who does more chores should be the person who has more time on their hands. If he has a decent job and is happy it shouldn’t matter that you make more. If you have a problem with that just ask him to pay 50/50 :woman_shrugging:t3:

“naturally better at things he can’t do”
You do know men are capable of domestic duties to right?

Bro you’ve NEVER seen your partner or relationship as equal :joy:

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I work full time and my husband is a stay at home dad. He cooks, he cleans and he takes care of the kids. I help when I’m not working. Demanding he makes more money is ridiculous. It’s not always that simple, especially depending on what kind of job/career he has. Your gender views are completely out dated and it shouldn’t matter who makes more money in a relationship. You also didn’t clarify, is he helping, just not to your standards or is he doing absolutely nothing?

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Stop being sexist. Sounds you want to be boss and your boyfriend is noithing now cause you earn more. Who cares who earns more and yes males can do housework and look after kids just as well as females.

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Challenge your current belief system. Its wonderful your business is doing well, so what if you make more than him? And men can do household chores just as well as we can, once they learn how. You might lose a great guy if you don’t start changing how you see male/female roles.

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He have to learn to pick up slack in other spots so that it can be equal. If he can’t make more $ that’s fine! Money doesn’t equal love. But when the dynamics shifted n u started contributing more to bills it should’ve shifted to him contribute to more household care to create balance.

Wtf did i just read… imagine if he felt that way before you decided to make money and he was supporting the majority of the household :grimacing:

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What in the 1942 is happening in peoples homes?!

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Truthfully this is your life and your relationship, regardless of what any of us think it’s your decision. If you feel like he isn’t bringing enough to the relationship just end jt, don’t beat around the bush and string him along. Tell it like it is and take control of your life.

When he was paying almost all the bills you didn’t complain. Oh wow, now u earn more than him

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Omg your full of yourself importance give him a job and a big payraise #sorted…there was no bother when he paid for most guess what it’s called equality …your turn now

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Im so confused… Some of yall are actually saying he needs to do more work around the house because he makes less money? OP, this question kind of pisses me off.

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I don’t think it matters who makes more money as long as the bills are paid for. What I do believe in is house work be divided 50/50, doesn’t matter if you both work full time or part time or who makes more money, you both live at home you both make messes and it’s both of your child. We aren’t in the 1950s anymore, house work is 50/50. But don’t live him because he makes less then you, that’s shallow and awful

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Tell him you need help. Appreciate the things he DOES do so that he is encouraged to do more. Stop looking down on your husband for goodness sake :woman_facepalming:t4:

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I used to do 100% of the housework and child care. then I started work too and now we do 50/50 and as a couple we are so much better and happier. we both feel appreciated and needed.

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If you have so much money, pay nanny or housekeeper

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My husband makes more than I do, we do % of home bills based on income.

I pay 33% , he pays 66%

Use to be be 50:50 when I waitressed and we made the same.

For chores. Oh it’s 50/50 I ain’t no maid. He does 100% all outside stuff mowing , whiper snipper, shovelling , plowing, waters garden ( I do if he’s away :)),

We share inside chores :slight_smile: but I definitely do more! We split laundry and dishes where they are daily. So no one gets overwhelmed. But I do bathrooms and 90% of the floors unless he spills something.

Your relationship can work if you make more! As long as he won’t grow to resent you/ vice versa

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Now that things are 50/50 I just see it as you’re requiring that things be equal in some form or fashion. Such as you paying majority of the bills or 50/50 at times, I see no issues with you wanting him to help out more around the house and with HIS child.

YES, appreciate him for being great but at the same time you’re well within your rights to require more around the house and with the child.

Cause if I’m paying 50% of anything or more I EXPECT it to be 50/50 around the house and with the children, PERIOD‼️

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Do you have a stable roof over your head? Are your bills up-to-date? Is u your child happy? If you answered yes to all these then you should be quiet and be blessed you are in a comfortable living. Honestly if you can’t come to terms with an agreement then find someone you hold such high standards to.

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Women are not naturally better at cleaning and laundry dear… everyone should be able to clean up after themselves.

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Personally I want to hear from the boyfriend because this sounds like some weird BS. He supported his family while she wasnt earning as much, but now she’s earning more than him its an issue🤔
“He’s a great dad and partner” her words, but he doesn’t earn more?? I’m confused😒
Since when were relationships based on who earns more?
I think she needs to see a professional because her thought process is out the gate.
Just saying :woman_shrugging:

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I personally feel like if you both work then you should both help with household work too honestly. That’s a lot to put on one person if they’re also working and have kids too. Since I stay home and my husband works, I do all the house work minus lawn care.

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If you’re working more than him, he should pick up more slack around the house. It’s not really about who brings in more money, it’s about who has the space to do more at home, in my opinion. If he works 40 hours a week and you put in 70 hours with your business, he has more time to help with the house and the baby.

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Sooo he supports you while you start your own business, now that you earn more and it’s successful, he needs to earn more… wow… he supported you and didn’t even know if your business would work, an now you are telling him to make more money :neutral_face: you should re-evaluate. Regarding the house work. Saying ‘hey I need help’ because you need it, not because you think you deserve it because you earn more.

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I understand my aunt and uncle are the same way and she’s always been worried about it but honestly that’s also where their problems end up coming from. She gets in her head about making more than him and quits her job so it goes back to how she likes it where he’s the main money maker and he wishes she’d just enjoy her wealth.
They’ve been married for 25 years and are happy as far as I know other than that constant fight.

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Nothing wrong with wanting what you want. If you want to be in a relationship or marriage where the man is the breadwinner and contributes to the household duties, then you need to have that talk with your boyfriend. If he’s okay with you being the breadwinner and you doing most of the household duties and has no desire to change… then you have to make a decision… stay of leave.

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So… I can agree that it shouldn’t all be on one person. But that’s all I agree on… your relationship dynamic should be equal and both should contribute to the home in multiple ways. To say that men aren’t good at cleaning or looking after kids is just silly.
All that being said… if you’re unhappy and have tried to make changes and can’t work it out then fine. But don’t blame it on him. It sounds like you’re the only one uncomfortable. And if he didn’t even try to clean and look after his own kids then he is not a good partner… but if he did and you just didn’t like that he did it differently then u just need to learn to let go of control.

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Relationships aren’t always 50/50. Sometimes they’re 80/20 & and that’s okay because that’s why your together whether emotionally or financially your partner is there for just that. To pick up where can’t or vice versa.

If it bothers you that much, you should talk to him or y’all should go to couples therapy and try to figure it out. Don’t just give up because dynamics have changed. He sounds like a good man and you sound like a good woman, just need to work out some kinks. All relationships go through rough patches, no matter what they may consist of. Try to figure it out before just calling it quits.

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Congratulations CFO of the household, own that shit! :clap::clap: and learn to be okay with it. Be responsible with the extra, invest. But treat yourself too, if he doesn’t want to chip in then hire it out. Secure a savings for emergency funds and children’s education fund. Make sure you’ve setup your future without relying on his paycheck at all. Lots of options!!

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Go to a family counselor who will help you… I have the same issues but we talk it out

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It sounds like just because you now make more than him that you feel like you’re better than him which okay good job you did a successful business we’re proud of you but don’t make him feel like s*** just because you make more than him now that’s not a marriage that’s not love now as for baby chores and stuff like that that’s based on who is home more in my opinion if he’s home more he needs to do a little more if you’re home more you do a little more and my perspective it’s based on who is home the most as for me I’m a stay-at-home mom currently so I do all of the chores unless once in awhile I’m really tired and I asked him which you know you shouldn’t always have to ask your partner to do stuff you should just do it but like I said I’m a stay-at-home mom I don’t have an income so if I’m too tired one day mentally or physically because of the kids I get him to clean up the kitchen or do things that I just couldn’t get to. Not as for the children’s situation of course I do more with the children but on his days off for days he don’t go to work till late he lets me do my own thing to have a break and he takes care of the kids

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There are kids involved… shldnt matter who makes what or pays what etc. You say u love him… the rest shldnt matter… do what’s best for kid or kids involved instead focusing on the bottom dollar of who paying and doing what… smh everyone so eager to split… u made a kid now do what’s best for it despite everyone telling u ur man shld pony up more… if u don’t fix issues in the beginning and still decide to have a kid u do what’s best for the kid… Smh ppl need to quit breeding to breed and actually respect kids deserve better than broken homes for stupid reason.

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I’ll never understand why it matters who makes the most in a relationship!! Yall are a team. It all goes to the same pot. So you both reap the benefits. What matters is your home life is on track. Shit, let’s stack this money baby, and live it up with our babies is how I would think of it. Whether I brought in more or he did. That whole I make more money so you have to do everything at home is what kills good ass relationships and connections. Its not flattering. Go you girl, but don’t shame your man in the process. If you have a very loving husband/father who still works regardless of the money you make… count your lucky stars.

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Appreciate the good man that you have. Before I met my boyfriend I dated men who never went 50/50 on anything and I was always stuck paying for everything. My boyfriend cooks almost all of the time and i clean up after he cooks. We split all the household bills 50/50 and we both take care of our kids. It shouldn’t matter who makes more money in a relationship. Your a TEAM but it seems like your just super picky and expecting perfection from him

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I just came here to say that perpetuating the misogynistic idea that women are “better” at household and nurturing roles isn’t healthy. I personally looove being a career mom, and my husband is an incredible stay at home dad. I know that doesnt work for everyone but household chores, cooking and raising a family is for any gender :blush:

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My boyfriend has been out of work since Feb because of physical reasons and needing surgery on his ankles, and I have been the only one working. We have no issues. It’s hard but he helps out around the house while I work, but don’t get it wrong, we both clean, I do more of the deep clean, he washes clothes I fold them up. He washes dishes some I’ll scrub the kitchen. It’s all about balance and working with one another. It’s not about who does more or who makes more. I don’t see why it would cause problems. Remember a relation is not 50/50. Some days he will do more if I’m feeling unwell and sometimes I do more if he’s unable to help.

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Been there done that. It burnt out quickly. When youre doing 70% of everything pike housework, taking care of kids, laundry, dishes, cooling, cleaning and getting no help from your partner when they are a full grown adult it gets exhausting. You get frustrated to say the least and eventually blow up. If he refuses to help maybe simply separate and do one week a piece with the baby so you both get time with your child and both get a break.

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  1. It doesn’t matter who makes more in your relationship. As long as each person does what they can to pull their weight. 2.YOU ARE PARTNERS .you made your family TOGETHER. YOU should EACH be doing your share in taking care of any children that YOU SHARE TOGETHER and also taking care of daily things around the house. 3.STFU AND GTFO with that "TRADITIONAL " garbage please.
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Sounds like you have the problem. He is out working to provide for his family, while you get to stay home with the flexibility of doing things on your time. Remember- all bc your doing ok now doesn’t mean it’ll stay that way. Show ur man some respect. As for the cleaning goes it wont always be 50/50. I work full time and clean plus take care of our daughter. My husband does the same also. Sometimes I dont clean but he does and vice versa.

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Sounds like you have some self reflection and growing to do. It’s a partnership, work together, when one has a short fall the other helps then it can flip. When one is tired the other lets them sleep/or reenergises them. Change your views, not what you think a relationship should look like and morph into something that brings happiness to you both.

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I mean if bills are 50/50 so should the baby and house chores, he needs to man up, as for the issue of you making more $ and tripping u out, that sounds like a you issue, enjoy it, buy some plants haha

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Idc who is looking at you wrong. You don’t work extra hard, to cover most of the bills and still have to take care of a majority of the housework. I feel you heavily. State your case. If youre gonna be doing a majority of the housework yall can go 50/50 and you can enjoy your newfound hard earned wealth. This isnt a fairy tale where u should just “be happy u got a good man”

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So wait… He was the bread winner and you started your business and are now making more and it’s not good enough? Like he supported you and now it’s he needs to shape up? Like without the business you’d contribute little financially so that’s just dirty. Now expecting him to pull some of the work at home, sure. He should be doing that for sure. At least 50/50. If I cook, my husband does dishes. If I sweep, he mops. If I sweep the carpet he will vacuum and so on so forth and vice versa. The house work is understandable. But you’ve gotten high on yourself and arrogant since becoming the breadwinner and THAT has to change :woman_shrugging:t3:

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So your man was good enough for you when you were just barley making it, but now you have become successful probably with his help being as its been 50/50 he’s no longer good enough for you? That’s selfish of you im my opinion and he deserves better.

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There is a lot to unpack here! But… if he’s a dad, he needs to buck the fuck up and figure out how to be a good dad. Regardless of everything else in this post, that’s what stands out as most important to me. I’m tired of seeing men put no real effort into fatherhood and it’s just accepted. RAISE YOUR STANDARDS. :heart:

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I make more than my husband, but I still do the majority of the housework because we talked about it and that’s what works for us. I’m very particular on how I want things done at home, so I do them. We split everything else 50/50. I.e. if I run out of makeup wipes and my accounts drained for the week he will pick them up or if he runs out of beard oil I’ll grab some while I’m out. Just sounds like y’all need to have a conversation, because it doesnt seem like he knows your views on it.

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Hire a maid , cook and cleaning person letting him pay for it. Maybe that will wake him up to the situation .

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I guess my question or a question to yourself should be do you work harder than him? By this I mean your business not the household chores. Are you working 50 plus hours a week and he’s working 20??? If you both are working your asses off to make the best life for yourself then who makes what should not matter. If he’s working part time and not helping around the house while you are busting your butt and also doing household duties then I understand and you need to talk about that. I would not let money ruin a perfectly good relationship especially if you have someone who is loyal you love and treats you and your babies right! :blush:

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If you both make pretty much the same amount of money he needs to take care of the baby an equal amount as you as well.

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Honestly, if you haven’t had this conversation with your partner. Then you shouldn’t have an answer. Most of the time people are oblivious to the fact that you need something unless you ask for help. My advice is to ask him for what you need, that small gesture may just solve your problem.

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Hire a cleaner or nanny or a helper of some description to assist.
Work as a team.
Not instruct - I do this so now - you must do that. That is walking into failure. And just because your situation has changed and you’re earning more money does not mean in the slightest his has.
Money isn’t everything.
Love and communication is key.
Good luck.

Oh and PS life isn’t about working out how much percentage of who does what. If that’s how you’re working at life then that’s business and NOT love!

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Just wow, poor guy. So is your business home based? Because if that’s the case yea u spend more time with the kids in the household as to him that who knows what his schedule is. Not saying you should take all the responsibilities but it might be based on who’s around more. Also why should he earn more? You were totally fine living of what he made when u had very little income and now cus your business is successful you wanna make him feel less. Who’s money did you use to start your successful business?

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Is this a conversation you’ve had with him , first?

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Ok! but where does it say he’s not being a good father?

So many women on here jumping up n down about this man who has been working and doing the best he can and now his woman in his life is doing better financially. She expects him to change his life, earn more money - because she is and - he MUST earn more.

Seems to me a bit manipulating and controlling.

One sided story.

Sorry but some men are really great and some are really crap. But some woman are just as bad if not worse!

There is no traditional dynamics. It’s your relationship. Make it work how it will work.
Ask for help if you need it. If he can’t help - hire someone - if you are that successful!

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“encourage him to make more money” ha ha ha ha ha…this guy has had it …no way a reasonable wife can encourage her partner to make more money just so that they can be on the same level…as long as you aren’t struggling financially why force him to

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In my eyes whoever makes the most money will obviously be paying for most things. You could use only equal to his pay and put your additional in savings and not touch it. But I’d like to add women are not naturally better at housework, they’re just taught it and most men were not. My husband is 1 of 2 boys and neither of them had to do anything :roll_eyes: so I’m basically teaching him how to keep up with a house and still basically nothing being a mess bothers him because he sees it as “well if I pick it up the kids will just mess it up again tomorrow” so he doesn’t even bother :upside_down_face:

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So the roles seemed to have reversed. He made more than you initially now you make more than him. Relationships are a give and take. They will never be 100% 50/50. The key is constant communication. Have you ever had the discussion about what your financial, household & child care expectations are? How can he possibly meet those or you meet his if you never sit down and talk about this? I’m a new mom and I figured out right away that if we don’t communicate on the DAILY, shit falls apart and resentment builds — quickly. Write down what you would like to have happen in those areas and ask him to do the same. Then sit down and talk about it. Regularly. Things like this are completely capable of resolution — but only if you both commit to communicating. That’s really all there is to it.

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When you’re living together and especially parents, it should be OUR money. However in my household, parenting and anything household is 50/50. Whether it’s whoever gets paid that week or can get to it first. Mom and dad should be doing any and everything. :woman_shrugging:t2:

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My dad was always the breadwinner and the better at housework and taking care of us kids. My mother was a stay-at-home mom and was horrible at it all. You can help teach him how you like things cleaned or talk with him about. But whatever you do be an adult and talk with him and maybe go see a counselor/psychologist/therapist

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You need to communicate better with your partner. Asking him to “make more money”?! That’s absurd. How would you feel if he said those words to you?
If you need more support with the household or the kids, talk that out.
I’ve made more than my husband for our entire marriage 20+ years. Like A LOT more. I still do more if the housework and the parenting. But that’s the division of labor that we’ve come to agree upon, and it’s good for both us.
This sounds like you need to do some soul searching on what you really need from a partner. You make more money, so what? Division of labor shouldn’t have anything to do with income.

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Sorry to be blunt but it’s 2021 not 1940!
If you enjoy your job and he enjoys his does it matter if he doesn’t make as much as you?

In regards to the household chores just ask for help and if that falls on deaf ears don’t clean up after him he’ll soon learn

Be happy with the man you are with. Most people would love to have someone in their life they can depend on. If he’s not abusive, is caring loving and loyal who cares what he makes as long as he’s helping. Be grateful for what you got. There aren’t many decent ones out there any more.

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Who cares who is doing what and making what? As long as you are working as a team to get it done our jobs aren’t gender based. I am a career gal, I like working and making money and I hate dishes and washing and cleaning. I know men who enjoy being a full time stay at home dad. Everyone is different, it’s about finding someone who loves you for you and all that you are and working together to build a life you deserve for you and your family and who plays what role in that shouldn’t be the focus. If it’s is, that stems from a place of insecurity and needs to be dealt with if you want to move forward in this not feeling the way you do.

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Didn’t even read the rest, first of all, that first line, question in general has to be one of the stupidest most ignorant questions I’ve ever heard. Ever heard of a single mom? What’s the difference between that and just having an extra body to support. Been there down there, dumb question

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Relationships are NEVER always 50/50 sometimes it’s 80/20 or 90/10…you love someone truly deeply and unconditionally? You pick up that extra if you have to?

He’s a good father and loving partner but because he doesn’t make more than you you don’t see it working out?!
You should feel very blessed to have a man that still works, and love his family

I think if you genuinely love someone and he’s a great partner and father that counts for a lot and I feel sad for this man who’s being slagged off when he seems to be trying to do what this woman is asking, and she ends with she doesn’t know if it will work out in the long term?! Ending a relationship when there is a child involved is a pretty huge life changing decision but this man sounds like disposable goods for this woman. Sorry to say it but lovely partners and fathers are pretty few and far between so I wouldn’t be binning one over something like this. I’d try everything I could including couples therapy so I could face my child years down the line when they ask me why I left their daddy (and they will ask. Trust me.) If I had loved my ex and this was our only problem I would’nt have put our son thru split Christmas’s and birthdays and every other weekend sat on the motorway to go visit his dad. If you’ve gotta do it, then no judgment. But to throw away a good man/dad over something as transient as who makes more money? Honestly sounds like the OP is about 12 years old and pretty selfish

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Relationships should never be 50/50… I don’t understand where that even comes from :thinking: a successful marriage is always 100/100! If one is struggling to make it to 100 YOU should work together to make him/her reach 100 :woman_shrugging:t3: If I am ever less than, my husband will pick up my slack to help me get back to 100 and same goes for him! You need to seek therapy. It would be terrible if you fell ill and he had to support you. I honestly pity him knowing you’re his wife… for better or worse in sickness and health :roll_eyes:

Relationships work when you work together it doesn’t matter who makes what or who pays what bill… relationships are not 50/ 50 it is a lot of work some days are struggles , some days are fun and laughing and giggling, some days you are wondering how you are going to get through the storm… but you work together to make it happen… going on 30 years and still takes work everyday but well worth it when you love the one you are with♥️

My husband does make much more than me. But he works almost twice as much. I might eventually make more even working less if I further my education. I don’t see the money amount as an issue. I do more house work and getting kid to and from school falls on me due to the hours he works. Even if I made more money, with the hours he works, the child chauffeuring would still fall on me. He does a good bit of the cooking dinner but I handle breakfast and lunch since I’m home with our child during those times and he’s at work so he couldn’t do it. If you’re working equal hours, then house work needs to be equal too. Since my husband works more hours, I take on more than half the house work but he still contributes when he’s home. My husband is in a manual labor job for 10-12 hours a day and I sit at a desk and work on a computer for about 8-9 hours a day. He’s physically more exhausted so I take on more due to that as well.

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You are allowed to feel what you’re feeling and demand what you think you deserve. No one can tell you what is right or wrong for your relationship. If it feels wrong then it’s wrong for you. Talk to him maybe he can understand where you’re coming from.

Here’s how I look at it…relationships are never black and white 50/50…you both just pick up the slack wherever it’s needed…sometimes it’s 60/40 and then there may be times where it’s 90/10. You guys are a team and for a team to be successful all players need to be trying their best

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Girllllll what I’m the main breadwinner in my household and I have to say my husband is quite the amazing house husband/stay at home dad but he also pulls his own weight with doing ALL the house work also at this point he is just your boyfriend you need to look out for yourself and kid

I mean the vibe I get from your post is that you seem quite condescending tbh, you’ve already got this preconceived notion essentially that men aren’t good at stereotypical women’s ‘jobs’ so I can only imagine the approach you may of taken in speaking with him. You also seem to forget the roles were reversed once and you were the one putting less into the pot, just because you’ve had this success now doesn’t mean you can start putting him down because he’s not in the same position.
Yes, he should be playing an equal part around the house in with your daughter but I honestly do wonder what approach exactly you took in expressing these needs given the things you’ve said.

First off, you can’t keep trying to make more money and then complain that he isn’t making enough. Secondly, he already should have been helping with all of that. If you’re both working and he refuses to help take care of the household, you should get over your idea that women should do everything alone or just be single.

I’m the breadwinner and I struggle with this but only WHEN I FEEL LIKE I STILL DO MORE HOUSE AND KID WORK. So ask yourself, if you look at the total time each of you spend on housework and work work, is it equal? For me, I realized even though I actually work a lot more hours, I was still doing a lot more of the household work and management too. So working late regularly or staying up cleaning regularly, while my husband was snoozing away after working his 8-5. Led to a lot of resentment. My advice is to look at the bigger picture from a time perspective and don’t worry about who actually makes more money. At the end of the day, you both need to be “working” (whether at home or the office) about the same amount.

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Think your being a self centred, arrogant little girl to be honest. If he’s earning and is working to support his side of the bills plus yourself and your daughter then what’s your problem?
He seems to deserve better than what your offering. I can’t see how you love him if your willing to disrespect his efforts and make him feel less superior because of money earned. Very spiteful post :+1:

i believe both parents should contribute substantially to childcare, but the one who’s working less should naturally be the one taking on more chores and whatnot.

i’m a SAHM and my partner works full time, but we just do what works for us. i do most of the cleaning by default, but childcare is pretty much 50/50. we’re both equally good at caring for our child cause we both put the same amount of effort into it. that simple. i think you should sit down and talk to him about how this new dynamic should look for you to be comfortable with it.

What you want, isn’t balancing everything… why does he need to make more than you? You wanted to have your own business knowing the potential. Your whole attitude about this is childish and ridiculous

My marriage didnt survive that dynamic. Its really hard and if you’re already feeling like this it will only feel worse…all the best to you!

It is not a competition of who makes more money in the home. Marriage is a partnership. Despite how much you make, you need to be helpful around the house. Help make food, clean and take care of the kids. This is the bare minimum, the basics of marriage.

You make the money so get a cleaner to help you. My husband does that bc he hates domestic chores. We keep the house maintained but having a cleaning lady helps take the a load off. Plus it minimizes the arguments and resentment that happens when someone is doing it all

:woman_shrugging:t2: my husband makes more money than me on paper but when it comes down to actually tangible bank account money we’re pretty even. Works fine. Exwife never worked and spent money faster than he could earn it. He likes having that extra money in the household!

My husband works 10 hour shifts 6 days a week while I stay at home and raise our two kids, one of which has autism. I get extremely burnt out cleaning up after essentially 2 toddlers all day but I understand that if I wanted them in childcare I’d have to make double the money of a job I am even qualified for. It has caused stress on us, but as everything in life my situation is temporary. My eldest will be in school soon and it looks like my toddler qualifies for daycare through the school system. A relationship isn’t 50/50, it’s 100/100 and sometimes you have to pick up the slack or handle situation/s you won’t like. I believe it’s just a part of and the balance of life.

Its sounds like you’re looking for a logical excuse to leave. If youre not happy, find something that makes you happy. But you shouldnt rip a family apart to find it. Lifes not fair we’ve known this since we were little. Women do take on a lot of responsibility but children grow up. Is he a good man? Why leave a good man? Why have your child go to 2 homes? 2 seperate holidays, birthday, step parents, who may or may not be mature. It seems like a lot to risk. Do you mama. Be the best queen you can. And at the end your daughter will see how a woman does it!!!

So, men can absolutely have an equal partnership in everything. They are adults, fully capable of cleaning a house or doing laundry. The only things they actually can’t do are, 1) actually birth a baby, or 2) breastfeed (but even then, some men lactate). Talk about balancing the relationship by making it a partnership - equal share of work, child care, and house chores. My husband makes about 5× more than I do, but we share the house chores and the kid caring bc we are a TEAM. I’m going back to school for a job that will get me making more than he does. He would be happy as a clam as a SAHD. Because we are a TEAM. All money in one pot, all chores for the good of everyone, all sharing the love and tantrums of our kids. We also are best friends and are super into each other, after almost a decade)

Why did you even bother being with him, if your just going to turn all high and mighty because now you make more than him. Sounds like it’s all about money to you, maybe you should of thought of that aspect before acting like an intitled snob, cause really, that’s what you sound like.

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Generally the woman does do more with raising the children and household. Why do you not see this working in the long run if he doesn’t make more money? He didn’t do that to you. Why did you have to mention that he doesn’t do them as well as you? You point out all his faults, and say how you don’t see this lasting when he has treated you that way. I think he was good enough for you when , so he should be good enough for you now, otherwise it wasn’t a relationship, he was just a convenience for you to finally do better. He stood by you, doesn’t he deserve the same?

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