Ok, I’m the second wife of my husband and currently with two kids with him. He has a 12 yo daughter who lives 2 hrs away from us. My husband pays child support for her, he’s supposed to see her every other weekend, but the daughter and her mom just change plans at the last moment. Sometimes (obviously when it is my husbands weekend), we (including our children and I) are on the way to see her (we pay for hotel and gas), and they don’t care about we are going to see her both cancel at last moment, or if the daughter wants to go with friends she just go, if she wants to be with her nana (moms side) she just stay over there no matting our travel time, our spendings, or knowing is father and daughter weekend, etc and mom doesn’t say anything to consider that her father needs to see her and spend time with her. Can he really do something about this? They have 50/50, but it seems like daughter and mom don’t care about this …
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You will have to take her back to court for contempt. She isn’t following the court order for visitation
Girl enjoy the vacation. Teenagers have have their own plans.just saying
In some states the court will take the childs wishes into consideration if they are 12 years old. Just dealt with this with a friend of mine
Just another major complication of complex relationship situations!
She’s 12 more then likely will be up to her not the mom
You could go to court for violation of the order and force the visits. But you are also risking her resenting the hell out of you for it and making the visits miserable. Also in most states at age 12 they can decide and he could loose the set weekends. I’d have him talk to the mom and tell her no more plans on dad’s weekend or back to court. Not much else you can do.
She’s 12, if she doesn’t want to go the mom doesn’t have to force and if I was you guys I wouldn’t force her to spend time with you. I wouldn’t start the drive unless you get a confirmation that you can pick her up and definitely wouldn’t pay for hotel for a 2 hr drive. Tell the mom to meet you half way.
We would no longer go get her. If she wants to come her mom can pay to put her on a train 
A hotel room for a two hour drive is a bit over the top isnt it?
She is 12 and would rather be hanging with her friends… remember 12?
Don’t make a fuss, call and chat to her about her day. Video chat with her a few times a week. Stay connected anyway. Release control…it will only end badly for you.
Or maybe once a month stay at hotel and invite daughters friends to go swimming at the hotel pool…
If you have a court ordered agreement, then yes, she’s in violation of that agreement. If there’s no court ordered agreement, then unfortunately you have to go to court first and get the agreement in writing. Then she can’t pull this crap. Good luck!
It’s not fair to the daughter to not be able to have her own plans and see her friends/do activities she wants. It’s not her fault the parents are divorced. I would talk to her and see if you can readjust visitation agreements that accommodate her wants too.
Both of them are old enough to know it’s considerate to tell ppl they’re not going to spend time with someone in advance notice instead of letting ppl drive 2 hours to see them & THEN tell them. You don’t change plans on ppl at the last minute. No one should be teaching anyone that is ok
The 12 year old has the choice to go or not, and a court will tell you this. Once 12, they get to decide. It’s rude that they do cancel like that yes, but there isn’t much you can do about it. You can go to court over it but they will tell you it’s up to the 12 year old what she wants to do. Also, a hotel room for a two hour drive? Lol why? My dad used to have to drive 2 1/2 hours to pick me up and take me back to his house Friday and bring me home Sunday, every other weekend, for 11 years. So really, the hotel thing is on you. But, yes its ridiculous they cancel like that and you can make a court date but they will tell you at 12, it’s up to the child’s wants.
Good luck during covid the state can put a pause on visits entirely
If it is court ordered that dad is to have visitation every other weekend with his daughter, then mom can be held in contempt of court and no, it doesn’t matter if the daughter is over 12 if the visitation is court ordered. If daughter doesn’t want to see dad then she and mom would have to go back to court and have visitation changed.
What type of relationship do they have overall. Father should have frequent short interactions with the child on a regular basis, maybe by phone, text, facetime. If the relationship is good, she will want to spend time with the dad on a regular basis, even if it may not be every other weekend. Technically the mother in contempt, but how is someone going to physically make the 12 year old attend visitation.
Expectations leads to disappointment…Court orders or not…Shes 12…Shes maturing…Let her dicisson make law Not yours
If the mother is not fostering a relationship between the father and child you can sue her for custody
Piss on it. The kid sounds like a self centered entitled brat anyways. Pay your support and be done with it. This is a no- win situation for the father. Resentment if you force the kid to visit, resentment if you back off , pay your support and move on with your life. Now your viewed as the classic deadbeat. Enter Resentment 2.0. You lose either way! So focus on your family with the kids you have together.
Keep paying child support and keep on with your life. 
She is in contempt if the order states the father should have the child certain times and she allows the child to make the choice not to go. Also, the court has to decide if the child is old enough to speak for themself and usually 14 is the bare minimum age. Take her to court. She doesn’t get to decide that the order shouldn’t be followed and she can do whatever she wants.
These situations are a matter of how the relationship has been cultivated. It seems weird to me that you all drive to see her. Is she not welcome in your home, a hotel is impersonal and if this is how you have been seeing her I can fully understand why at twelve she would rather be else where. How much communication is he having with her because it is he who should be having it and you reminding him to have it She is twelve and can be a good judge as to where she is welcome and who wants to be part of her life. The two hour ride and the money you are choosing to spend is irrelevant if she is the one you care about. I feel that you have or your husband has a serious communication problem with his child and she is at the age where she can decide if she is interested in continuing with it as it is. And by the way the child support is your husband responsibility regardless of whether he see his child or not.
Just keep up with support and document these times of lost visitation. If more frequent than you think is true, you may want to discuss with your ( Dad’s) attorney about adjustment of support. Nonetheless, Dad needs to talk with his daughter and have a frank conversation.
I would stop going to get her and she can. Come over when she’s ready. In the end she will only have her mom and herself to blame and not your husband.
Is it court ordered that he gets his daughter every other weekend? I’m assuming it is. If the mother is not complying with the court order, you can take her back to court for contempt.
If there’s a court order stating visitation ect just file a breach of the orders to the court.
Talk calmly with the girl. Explain the love, the convenience, the expense. At 12, she has a brain. Mom may be influencing her to be inconsiderate.
He can take the mother to court for contemp she’s violation a court order for visitation that’s one and since the bio mom is not enforcing the court order he can ask to reduce the child support payments
Maybe she needs JUST father and daughter time every once in awhile.
Losing battle…if the daughter is happy with mom and mom’s letting her do what she wants then it will only be a losing battle…sad but true.
They are called court orders for a reason. Until that child is of age, she is still a child and her father CAN see her. Why are parents letting their children dictate rules to them? Stand your ground.
Seriously? All of the people who are talking about forcing the daughter to go with the dad are obviously not thinking about the fact that its going to make her hate her father! Forcing her to do it will ruin her relationship with father later down the road and force her closer to her mother. Not to mention the fact that she will probably do everything she can to ruin the weekend til he gives up. And who knows how far that will go?
Go back to court because there not honoring court orders
Ever though she cancels because you are there??? Maybe she just wants time with her DAD! Preteen years are the hardest. Especially when parents aren’t together. Give her space and time with just her dad.
I don’t really understand your concern because actually is your husband the one who need to step up and ask for respect…
Keep maintaining her financially, she’s still young and she will take her mom’s side wether its wrong or right, trust me when she becomes matured she’ll make right decisions. And if dad starts ignoring her they both going to complain and start blaming you as if you never tried to play your coparenting job.
Probably she wants to spend time with her father alone not u or her half sibling let her dad talk to her find out y she cancels their plans
Take the mom the court. She legally has to ensure that he gets her for his time. Otherwise she’s in contempt of a court order.
It’s a fight in court😳
File a motion of contempt. Whether child wants to come or not it’s mother’s responsibility to be fair to the father and to send her. If you don’t report it, it will never get better. Going through the same thing.
Enforce the court order. Oeriod.
Technically, she’s in contempt BUT in my state, 12 is the age of CHOICE. Meaning, nothing can be done if the kid wants to stay wherever.
Take the mother to court. If there is a court order for visitation and she fails to follow through she can be held in contempt. It has happened to people I know and the father took the mother to court and won cause the she did the same thing with their child.
I would have a sit down conversation first. Include the daughter. She’s 12. Seriously may not want to come eow. Don’t make her visit if she doesn’t want. But let her be aware if she doesn’t tell you the day before you make the trip them she’s obligated to follow thru
Take her to court. If that is in order then she’s in contempt. How’s it 50/50 if he only gets every other weekend.
If its court order then yes…
It is considered contempt. For sure. But in most states between ages 12 & 13 the child can begin making choices for themselves as far as wanting to see the other parent and what not. If that is the case and the child doesn’t really want to see her father then I would file the contempt and get all of you before a judge and let her speak up for herself as to whether or not she wants to see her dad. Ultimately it’s up to a judge to decide even after he hears both sides “wants”, but the only way to get that going is to file and get a court date.
There isn’t anything you can do at that age unfortunately. If she doesn’t want to come the judge isn’t going to make her.
You could document everything and take her back to court for not following the order. They could argue that the daughter is old enough to make the decision if she wants to go or not. Obviously they should give you enough advanced notice either which way.
Make sure you document absolutely everything. Keep all the texts keep a journal with all the last minute cancellations and then go back to court with stipulation that court order be followed and mom now has to travel to pick up and drop off.
Why book a hotel tho. Itssa 2 hr drive?
I agree with what everyone is saying about court orders . However, as kids get older they start getting their own agendas. They are torn on what to do. So maybe yall can have a sit down with mom and daughter and work something out.
It’s not up to the child . Both parents have equal rights which is bound by a court order , which is above anything else . Unless the court order states that the child can decide at that age that they don’t want to go through with visitation, then it must be followed . All you can do is document every time you are denied your ordered visitation and file a motion to show cause . Mom will have to explain to the judge why she can’t follow the order , plus show that you are communicating about the exchanges in reasonable time your self!
At 12 years old…she’s making her choices. Trying to force her to go if she doesn’t want to will only damage her relationship with her father. You probably can’t force a 12 year old to go anyways.
Have him call her ahead of time and confirm if she’s doing the visit or not. Don’t bother with hotels…a 2 hour drive doesn’t warrant a hotel…
Court. No other way at this point
I was told till the child is 18 they have no say in visitation. If she had a job, then that could be a bit different. I always had my kids discuss with the other parent about a job before they even applied. Kids need both parents.
He needs to tell daughter that if she does that 3 more times he won’t come to see her. If he does it she will look for him when she gets older and they will have a good relationship. Been there!!!
You can go back to court to have her get contempt. But, if the daughter really wants to do something else, does he really wanna force his daughter to go? Maybe have him talk to her. And, if she wants to have plans during that time, to let him know ahead of time. And let her know that he’ll be okay with it. Because she is 12. She’s gonna wanna have another life. Outside of kids going back and forth to each parent. My ex gave our kids a choice. If they don’t want go to his place, they don’t have too. But I ask them a day or so before. He also only lives 45 minutes away. If it was longer, they’d need to know sooner lol. Sometimes they wanna go to their ama’s and papa’s (my mom and dad) never they don’t stay the night at much. Sometimes they wanna go to a birthday party or a friend’s. They’re growing up. And wanna have a life outside of school, and just my house and dad’s. That happens. Maybe before you head there for the visit, call them and make sure they’re not bailing out. Document everything also. And no, not every state has a law that says 12 year olds get to decide when to visit parents. Where I live, they do take that into consideration and how they feel etc. But the age they actually get to decide that… Is 18 
Also, child support and visitation, are not the same thing. Those are two separate issues.
It’s the age !! Sit down with everyone and communicate. She’s at the age where hanging out at dads just isn’t a high priority. I went threw the same thing at her age and it got worse as I got older . I’m dealing with it with my step daughter now too.
It’s not 50:50 if he only sees her every other weekend. But if it is court ordered she can get in trouble for not following the order. Have him contact the courts and see how they can help.
Shouldn’t force a child to do what they dont want
Go back to court n file contempt of court against the mom. Do not stop paying child support tho because that’ll look bad on you guys.
I thank the mom is playing game with you and the father take her ass to court
Why not let the daughter know she is welcome whenever she wants to come but leave it to her friends become important at that age or could you arrange tickets for something and maybe let her bring her friend xx she will feel torn other wise x
Sounds to me like mom let’s her do whatever she wants and dads house isn’t much fun. At 12 years old, she needs rules and discipline, she doesn’t need someone in her life who’s going to say some lousy crap like, “do you really want her there if she doesn’t want to be.” She is a child, she needs to be guided, not left to do as she wishes. Yes, take this back to court before it gets worse.
At 12 years old,she’s likely not wanting visits as much now that she’s hitting teenage years. I’d respect that.
You could always contact her to see how she’s doing etc and when she does want to visit that you’d pick her up.
With custody agreements after the child is 13 they can legally make their own choice as far as going thru with visitation. She doesn’t have to go. Shes growing up and will be spending less and less.time with her parents. It sucks but that’s life. Maybe start calling before you leave to make sure of the plans and dont force her to go if she doesn’t want to.
She getting older and now having a social life. I would resent my parents if they made me want to go when I want to hang with friends. Think about the child not you
If it’s a court ordered parenting plan, then she is in contempt of court by not sending the daughter to the father on his scheduled custody time. However, many states have an age set when the child is allowed to choose whether or not they want to see one parent or the other during visit times and if the child is at or beyond that age, then there may not be much that can be done unless it can be proven that child wants to visit but mother is withholding. Either way, a lawyer needs to be consulted and this matter should probably be taken to court.
You dont need to book hotel for two hr car journey. At 12 shes old enought to decide what she wishes to do with her weekends. If dad really wants to see her why cant he go, take her out for few hrs and drop her bk home. You dont have to go on every journey, maybe she dont want to chill with you and younger siblings at 12. Ring ahead first before setting off
She is in contempt been here did this it is not the child’s choice to go or not its the mothers job to make sure the child is there for the fathers visit unless it is something to do with school or sporting events that prevent the visit then said visit is to be made up at different date so yes ma’am the momma is in contempt and I would take her for contempt like I said been here did this with my husband’s child and ex except it was her keeping visits and not sending him and stuff so yes ma’am she needs to be talked to about this its not right to the child or the father and she needs to build a relationship with her siblings its truly sad that parents use their kids as pawns
At 12 a lot of judges would side with the daughter deciding when she wants to visit. They shouldn’t be canceling on you last minute though. That is rude.
She’s just at that age. Don’t push her but don’t give up on her either. Have her father sit down and talk with her and express his feeling to her about. But if she isn’t going one weekend then she should be going the next weekend. The shouldn’t be just canceling his time without rescheduling it
Dont force her to want anything to do with yall it will back fire in ure face big time
I think it’s reasonable to assume that the daughter wants to prioritize her social life, at that age it’s at the forefront of most teenagers minds and seeing that most kids are struggling with the pandemic I would cut the daughter some slack. She may not be able to socialize at school so she wants to take advantage of the weekend so I wouldn’t force her to visit it’ll just hurt their relationship in the long run. I would just let her come around on her own, keep communication open, let her know that she’s wanted and loved by you guys and take a step back.
Document and go to court
Agree with Miranda Edwards… she’s almost 13, at that age she doesn’t have to go if she doesn’t want to. You can battle the fact while she’s 12 but is it really worth that battle, time & money. She will resent you by being forced in the end. Been there done that already with my s/o 1 of 4 sons, who lived an hour and half away. Hes 15 now and decided he wants to live with dad now and barely goes see mom. She will come when she wants, and honestly there is nothing that can be done. Have her call you on that Thursday if she wants to come. Who drives 2 hours without confirming that first? That’s your fault on your end. Fight the battle if you want to but be prepared for the loss.
Yes he can, document any time they change plans and don’t let him see him, if that’s a court ordered agreement she is technically in contempt of court.
If it were the other way around and the kid didn’t want to go with mom, I bet we would get alot of different answers.
Dads should be allowed just as much time as moms. If my kid runs off I’m not going to just let them, they have to come home! They are kids and make stupid selfish decisions regularly, I was a teen once and went through alot, I know. Kids need a little leading to bettwr decisions. If dads not abusive or dangerous there is no reason she should not be made to go.
Why doesn’t she go to your house for the weekend? I wouldn’t want to sit in a hotel room full of people with none of my stuff for a weekend either 
I remember I asked to stop visitation with my own dad at 12/13 because I didn’t have a room or any space that was “mine” at his house. Try talking with her and see what she needs to make visitation better. Taking mom to court for contempt will just hurt your stepdaughter. Mom is her home right now. My dad and I have a great relationship now, but it was difficult to leave back then, even as much as I love him.
Well she is 12… very hard age for one going through all the changes etc. when my kids were that age I didn’t make them go with their dad
Kids don’t care about custody. That’s adult buisness. Why would she. It sounds like she’s angry at your husband for something. This is her payback. He can take her mother to court. If visitation is court ordered she can be held in contempt. I’d hire a good lawyer.
Don’t force her, just ask that they cancel in enough time. I hated going with my dad, my friends were at my house, I didn’t want to leave my home and my room. My mom made me go because she was afraid of him, just made me hate it more.
Stop making all those plans and spending all that $ ahead of time. At 12 his daughter is becoming a bit more independent and forcing her will only lead to more issues. My experience with all this is a tad different but in some ways similar. Firstly- I have to say stop thinking bc your husband pays child support that validates how much he sees her. That money is to take care of her, not buy her.
2nd, has your husband had an actual conversation with his daughter and asked her what she really wants?
I wouldnt force her to come, she is at an age where she is going to want to be with her friends & choose her plans. Resentment can come with forcing her. I think her dad should try to talk to her about it & atleast express to her how he wants her to spend more time with him. I would tell her & her mother that if shes going go cancel, to give atleast a day’s notice so you dont waste your money & time. What i’m not understanding is why he cant just pick her up on his weekend & have her stay at your house, if its only 2 hours away?
I think a serious conversation with mother and daughter is in order. Have a talk about daughter scheduling her friend time or maternal grandparent time when its her mother’s weekend unless discussed before hand. In the state where I live the child cannot cancel visits. The child has to be with the designated parent during their time or its contempt of court. Judges here will allow the child to choose which household they wish to live in, but unless there is verifiable documented abuse the child will still have to ha e visitation with the other parent. I’d get a lawyer and take it to court if having a serious conversation with mother and daughter doesn’t improve things. Good luck
Yes, the court can enforce the custody or can lower child support based on the fact mom is violating custody/visitation.
Everyone keeps saying go to court but depending on what state they do the court in it probably won’t matter she will be of age to tell them who she wants to be with and why.
Its a violation of a court order so yes been through this before daughter has no say unfortunately mom is in control & has to step up.
Even with court ordered visitation if the daughter is there when he arrives and she refuses to go, he can’t really force her to leave with him. The mother does have a responsibility to try to encourage her to spend time with her father but forcing it on her is pretty much impossible.
Maybe do some day activities so her nights are free for her friends.
Also none of us know the family dynamic and history here. It may be far more hectic than we know of.
Before going back to court (which i agree you’ll probably have to do) have dad have a heart to heart talk with his daughter. She is a teenager that thinks only what she wants matters.
Maybe calling her a few days ahead of the visit, make plans for the weekend. Get her excited about the visit.
I THINK DAD AND DAUGHTER NEED TO HAVE A CONVO ABOUT IT ALL.
She may feel she is betraying the mom, or…
WHY !!?? Do YOU and your kids by him, HAVE to go with him to see HIS daughter ! That kid probably would love to just be with her Dad instead of having to SHARE the little time she gets to see him with YOU ! You have him 24/7 , she must feel really special that she cant even have her father to herself for a lousy weekend. I’d opt not to go with him either!!
Have her call to confirm the visit. No call, no visit. She is 12 and at an age where friends are the priority. Don’t take it personally. Unfortunately you can’t force her to come with you. Let her know you love her and want to spend time with her but it is not ok to cancel last minute. Put the ball in her court.
I don’t understand paying for hotel when it is only 2 hours one way? But if agreement says that is his parenting time go back to court the Mom is responsible for that since the kid is 12 courts will put mom in contempt for interfering with parenting time
If their is. Court document in place dictating when she is and isn’t with dad then that needs to be what is followed. If there is no court paperwork then I suggest it gets placed. Seems like the mom doesn’t want to co parent. If the dad wants to allow his daughter to goto a friends house on his time then thats his choice.
My ex husband sometimes sacrifices his time so our daughter can goto a friends. But the choice is his not mine.
How do you have 50/50 if you just do every other weekend? That’s not 50/50 at all. But yes take it to court. Unfortunately if it’s the daughter not wanting to go then that would probably need to be addressed with her.
I am sure the hotel may have somthing to do if he gets off work at 5 drive two hours thats 7 then two hours back 9 pm and 4 hours on the care is rough on little which the poster stated they have 2 children so maybe its easier to get a hotel and stay out there instead kf hauling her all the way to their place where 8 hours of the visit is in the car 