Something to try: have dad communicate more with daughter via phone and make plans ahead of time. Unfortunately at that age kids start making their own decisions on how they want to spend their time. Mom should definitely encourage her to spend more time with dad and siblings but don’t force either of them.
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You’d have to take the mother to court for contempt. The court may or may not force a change though if they choose to speak to his daughter. Most courts will listen to the opinion of a 12 year old, and if she says she no longer wants mandated visits, they may not force it. She’s at the age where it is normal for friends to take over weekend time.
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Well she’s a tween so quite normal for her not to want to hang out with dad his wife and other kids she will have her own interests so it’s best for her to want to come rather than cancel at last min
Have you two asked this child what she feels comfortable with? Maybe she is not comfortable with dad and his new family. Maybe time with her dad alone sometime might help. She might better accept her brothers and then her step mother.
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Hotel is weird. So you expect this 12 year old to share a hotel room with her dad, stepmom, and other siblings every other weekend?? So, she has no place in your own home, no privacy while with you, and what are you doing during visits? I personally would not be comfortable sending my kids to a hotel every other weekend like this. Sorry, not sorry. It doesn’t send a very welcoming message to the child.
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At a certain age, you cannot make them stay with you regardless of the court order. I recommend contacting a family lawyer to know your state specific age and go from there.
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At age 12, the child has the choice. By law…the mother could try to persuade her to go.
We have been through this. ( she never came over, 4 years later, she moved back with us.)
My suggestion. Don’t travel there. Let her call her dad to confirm her visit.
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You’ll have to go back to court and let them know what’s going on. When my son was younger he didnt want to go with his dad but I still had to send him because of the court order. This is in pa so depending on what state your in it could be different but check because you cant defy a court order normally. If shes not sending her and just letting her not go the mother could possibly get in trouble.
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The daughter and her mom should be considerate enough to give you a heads up, and at least make time to honor the custody agreement fairly regularly. But his paying child support doesn’t really have much to do with how much he sees her when she spends the majority of the time with her mom. If he wants a positive relationship with her, forcing the issue because of his “rights” and not letting her have some say in how she spends her time is just going to make her resent her dad. Maybe have your husband talk to his daughter and just calmly explain that he loves her and wants to see her, while also allowing for some flexibility.
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First off she needs to be coming to your place and there needs to be a court order in place for this if there is not already also it is pretty standard now in the court orders for the father to do the Friday pick up and the mother to do the Sunday return pick up so that will save him on driving both ways I really think it’s time to go back to court and readdress all of this
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Hold the mother in contempt. Which means going back to court. Obviously dad/family time is important and it sounds like the mother is treating it as not important at all. 
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Just have to go to court, if visitations are court order then the mom can be held in contempt of court. My niece had to pay a large fine for this.
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If you settles these terms with a lawyer and it is in documents that specify custody terms, then the mom can be sued for not following through. Absolutely.
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My stepsons mom did similar things and we are about 45 minutes from her. Now my stepson is 18 and we have seen him more now than the past 5 years. Fighting it in court is a waste. We just sat back (I still bitched about it) and waited. Now mine and his relationship is better than ever. He has now been here the past 2 nights and is probably staying again tonight. I have been in his life since he was 9 months old so him not being around was so hard.
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Yes he can he has to take her to Court and let them know that they are not holding up on their part of the custody agreement
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You can take her to court for contempt of missed visits that are court order. And if it continues the judge can make her go to jail pay fines ect. We’ve dealt with a very similar issue and gotten our time back
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Court to get say they need to reimbursement funds from mom, for cancelling .
less likely to cancel if have to pay your bills, or funds deducted from support. And then have court switch to them meeting you 1/2 or all way to drop off… or revisit with court new commitment of visitation schedule.
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At least he gets to see her sometimes… my son hasn’t seen his girls in almost 2 years!!! He’s gone back to court 2 times, and the courts won’t do anything!!!
Just record everything and stop going to pick her up.If she wants to come to you then mum can drop her off.Stop being fools shes being coerced by her mother.Its jealousy on the mothers part cos you have everything going for you and she probably has nothing
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Make police reports and have visitation by court order on hand. Police may not enforce it but they will make a police report. He may have to go to court and show the police reports and state mother is violating court order. The daughter is still too young to have her wants be more important than visitation with her father. It’s up to you guys if you want to go through this process
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Your husband can tell Ex he can take her to court and ask judge to have Mom drive 2 hrs. To drop and then pick daughter up.
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Maybe let the 12 year old be with her father alone without his family tagging alone
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Just my opinion but the child is old enough to know what she wants. The dad need to talk to the child. Everyone saying take the mom to court for contempt but it’s not that black and white… I can understand this might be a very hard time for the child she might feel hurt, sad, missing her complete family ect. … why put more heartache and pressure by forcing her to go somewhere where she doesnt want to. How do we know the mom doesnt fight with her to go and she refuses or gets in her feeling ect… I am newly divorced and if my children didnt want to go to their dads house there was a reason. That proves it is time for someone to sit down for a talk.
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Then she is in contempt of the court ordered custody arrangement.
Document and bring to probate court.
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Honestly he can’t force his daughter to see him if she doesn’t want to. She’s old enough now that the court will take her wishes into account.
I mean if there is court order visitation you can bring mom to court, but again if his daughter doesn’t want to come the judge will absolutely take that into consideration…
He needs to talk to his daughter first though honestly.
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12 is a hard age … That is all … I’m sure the daughter doesn’t want to go .
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Stop trying to see her till the daughter asks directly. You don’t have to drive for nothing and specify a time.
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I’d take it back to court, or bring court documents with you and involve the police. I am fairly confident that they can enforce a court ordered visitation. You should not even have to pay child support if you aren’t being allowed to see your child. I don’t understand why women are such a holes about this.
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Everyone is telling you to go to court. While I understand, she is 12 taking her mom to court and forcing her when it doesn’t seem like she wants to be there will probably end up with a bad attitude when she is forced to come visit. When she is old enough she might not come at all when she gets that choice.
I wouldn’t have wanted to spend my weekends in a hotel either
I can’t be the only one that comes from a divorced family and knows how this plays out.
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It’s a hard age. I remember friends became important at that age, plus extra curricular stuff at school meant I didn’t go to my dads as often
Instead of you going to her, have her come to you
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My parents did not give me the option when it was my dads time i was with my dad and moms time i was with my mom period
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If there is a legal agreement then you take her back to court for contempt
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If the daughter doesn’t want to she’s old enough to decide but court ordered mom can get in trouble
Oh that is not true in MD -they will order a supervised visitation until the child is 18 years old.
I know this is a fact.
Now if your 17 refuses to get in the car or runs away that day the parent is legally responsible-but I do not know what they do to that parent.
In my state there is a contempt of court you can file, usually have to file 3 times. You can check with your court house or see if you can call a lawyer that does a free consultation.
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He just has to take the mom back to court and they will order her to follow through or else. She cant back out until shes 18.
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Call before leaving…see if plans have changed. If not and they change on the way and your losing money like that document everything and for most states the age is 13 that they get to decide for themselves or have the mom meet half wa.
Dont bother going to court…not worth it. Stop making an effort to see her. They will get the message soon enough. Also let the dad handle it and distance yourself. Stepmothers, even good ones never win even when they have good intentions.
U could always go to court to reinforce the agreement but it seems to me the daughter isn’t keen on spending time w/ ya’ll no offense
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If that’s what court documents say then the mom is in contempt!
If the daughter doesn’t want to be with her father, why are you all trying to force her?
Take it to court because if he is paying child support he has the right to be able to see his kid
If he has 50/50 why is he only seeing her every other weekend usually 50/ physical you have to leave near each other it’s what I have ultimately is either one week on one weem off or 3 days s first week 4 next and every other weekend
If visitation is court ordered then they have to comply. File for contempt if there is an order.
if it’s court ordered he can file for contempt if that does anything
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Tim’s ti have a talk with the daughter about how she feels about visting amd then to mon with daughter present
Could her dad not go take her out for the day and go home to you in evening. Maybe she would like one to one time with her dad? Just a thought.
I’m sure you know the answer . 12 year old YOU will think about your life back there …
I’m confused about why you need to stay at a hotel for a 2-hour drive? And why everyone has to go instead of just your husband?
She is 12. Most courts where I live let children contribute to visitation decisions at that age.
I agree with the readers who suggest that the dad and daughter just have dinner together (maybe near where the child lives) once a week, and if she wants to come over she is welcome to do so, but is never forced. This will be better for their long-term relationship. The author should remember that parent-child relationships are not supposed to be a 2-way give and take. She doesn’t owe him anything. He owes her to be there for her, not the other way around. Let her take the lead in how she wants to handle their relationship at this age - it’s healthier for everyone.
Also, if she has stated that she doesn’t want to spend time with her stepmom and half-siblings you should respect that. Doing otherwise will just make everyone angry and miserable. Why bring misery upon 5 people needlessly?
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Maybe just time alone with dad.
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Maybe she would rather spend the time with her friends, maybe she just wants 1 on 1 with dad sometimes. Why doesn’t mom drive 1 hr and meet half way, Or why can’t mom bring her to your house?
Okay, middle school girls are REALLY challenging. We found letting my stepdaughter bring a friend and having a say in activities changed everything. We also made it a rule that she had to give us a week’s notice to cancel. It wasn’t ideal, but we went roller skating and camping and. all sorts of things we wouldn’t have ever experienced. By not complying the ex-wife is technically kidnapping her. She is now 16 and comes solo and asks to see us more often. Best of luck, this is a really difficult time, but it gets better.
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Her mom could be charged with contempt of court
Documents and take her to court for contempt.
Honestly if the child is 12 she may be having plans with HER friends. It should be up to the child at that age when she wants to come as opposed to a rigid schedule IMO. I let my child choose and he’s 8. Sometimes he just wants to be home doing his own thing with his own friends 
Take back to court for not following court order of they wont sit and discuss with you
Well, it’s not 50/50 if he only sees her every other weekend for 1. 50/50 he would get her every other week. Also, why are you staying in hotels to see her? She should be going to your house for those weekends. Y’all need to go to court. But I’m still trying to figure out how you think he has 50/50 custody. 
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She’s 12 it’s her decision. The courts cannot make her hang out with dad just like the courts can’t make him do the same. Going to court won’t help she is 12…
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Sucks but 12 years old definitely tricky age…maybe once a month visit
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That’s real simple…Go Back To Court!!
I don’t get how some people think it’s ok to FORCE the child to see her dad. That’s not right. 12 is almost a teen and they come around when they want. When my daughter wanted to see her dad I called him and let him know. He’s not the talk on the phone type of guy.
We went through this nightmare for almost 5 years until his ex decided to move to Florida. She severed the relationship between my step son and husband. He pays a very very generous amount of money in child support and provides health insurance and now paying college. We tried as much as we could but she won. Our hope is that when he’s an adult he will know my husband never forgot about him and we kept receipts. Court documents, police reports, etc. I wish I could tell you it gets better, but that was not the case for us 
Show up at the ex wife’s house with the police and documents in head
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I know a court that MADE a 16 year old comply with visits or sit in juvie!
Take the case back to court
Yall need to have her meet you half way.
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time to head back to court
Take her to court to fight for your time…
Stop trying or take it to court if it’s court ordered.
12 year old children do not make adult decision. Bio mom needs to make daughter available in Dad’s weekend. If she won’t go to court with documentation.
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He should have it that daughter is brought to you all, and u all bring her home to mom. I’d document and come up with some type of timeline of visits that were missed… does she not like you(step mom )? That could be part of it. Also once daughter turns 15 most likely you’ll have little to no chance of enforcing visits if she doesn’t want to go. 12 is when they start to feel their independence more and she probably would rather hang out with friends more than either parent
Then you go pick her up with a police escort and pick the child up for visitation. And do that until filing for enforcement or child support termination.
gale it to court. relort it EVERYTIME it happens. mom can get introuble eventually
This isn’t something anyone outside of the situation can give a clear answer on. For example, my daughter is 13 and I know she wouldn’t want much to do with her dad even if he spent money to come from the other side of the country to see her and spend time with her. But we know the circumstances behind the divorce and the fact that she is over here and not over there. No one knows the details surrounding what’s going on with you guys.
Stop going to see her…
Teen years and a split family… Gotta love em… You have young children in your home now and they deserve your attention more now than ever… They need to know her actions are not right… The young lady is going to bounce back and forth pulling at her fathers heart strings… Understand your husband is just as pulled by this than you and not knowing the influences in the other home against him is killing his heart… You don’t have to let the daughter dictate in your house what behavior is tolerated… Making a safe loving home for “your children and your husband” should be first… Her loss if she pushes you away all the time… Your still there for her and that is important… One day if only for a moment she may understand…
I wish Dad could have a quiet one go one talk with daughter and express a desire to spend time with her. Ask the daughter what SHE wants and make an agreement with daughter. Then get visitation order changed to what the child wants. Good luck Dad.
I find it concerning you are more bothered about time and cost than the father and child maintaining a relationship. He needs to speak to his child about it and they also need to be given space to have time just them.
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I wouldn’t get a lawyer involved and waste your money. Even if it’s court ordered it may not matter in the state you’re in. In PA, after a certain age (which i believe is 11 or 12) the child has a right to choose regardless of what that piece of paper says. I lived it as kid. And my father and I were not particularly close. There’s certainly other factors at play but you can’t force it. I’d remove yourself from the situation. Have him talk to his daughter without guilt-tripping her. He should also offer that she can have friends over or whatever her normal weekend routine is at your house. Even if it is a 2 hr drive. Stop getting a hotel, it’s over the top. My dad also lived over 2 hrs away. Gas is cheaper.
50 50 then he should be getting her way more with no problem. Call lawyer and go for custody allowance of ever other weekend see how she feels
Yes, he can go back to court. It’s not honoring the court agreement.
Why do new wives always think they need to control the kids that came before her?? Let. Him. Handle. His. Shit. Period.
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The only reason this child isn’t seeing her dad it’s because of the mom. She needs to enforce the visitation with her dad. Just because she’s 12 doesn’t mean her dad shouldn’t be important in her life. She has time to be with her friends & family members but when it’s dads weekend it’s his time. He supports this child and should be getting his time with her. Communication needs to be set up.
My question is why do you need to get a hotel for a 2 hour drive?
Maybe let the father talk to her maybe she wants just her father to visit and have his undivided attention.
First let me say this, DAD is responsible for maintaining a relationship with HIS child, every other weekend ISNT 50/50 custody , if they do infact share custody and DAD went to every other weekend due to HIS CHOICE to move 2 hrs away therefore Forfeiting shared custody it would actually be DAD IN CONTEMPT, Mom having the child MORE than 50% would actually entitle MOM to more child support . Most 50/50 custody arrangements BOTH parents must reside in the same county/ school district at the time a Parenting plan is AGREED on, So if your HUSBAND failed at consistency with his Child its HIS responsibility to reestablish it. Your Husband isn’t the victim in the situation he is merely reaping what he has sowed. Funny to Me, Mom has the child on a consistent basis and somehow is responsible thier child would rather do her own thing when Dad decides to take an opportunity to see her .Then Dad’s wife demanding gratitude for his doing so.
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Ok she is 12 … she is old enough in the courts eyes to say who , what , when , where in the judges chambers and they will listen … I would suggest you talk with the daughter and say " when you decide you would like to spend time with us let us know and we will set it up but if you set it up she can’t cancel on you because it’s getting costly and she has been doing that last minute " I’m sure she understands money isn’t free … but why are you getting hotel rooms when your only 2 hours away its not like she across the country … try asking her mother to meet you half way and give her gas money is still cheaper then a room
Make them enforce the visitation agreement. If u don’t insist then it becomes easier for them to claim it is ur fault.
Honestly, my heart breaks with how many people are saying to go to court. I was one of those children at that age who just wanted to be with my friends and my maternal grandmother. Think of this poor child before dragging her through the court system. Have dad have a heart to heart, absolutely don’t force it.
If it’s 50/50 then I would be suggesting she live with you half the time as Mom is clearly preventing/discouraging her from seeing Dad. This is an enforceable judgement and the Mom needs to adhere to this. I suspect a legally organized suggest that Child Support will not be paid whilst this breach occurs might have an effect.
Age of contempt is normally 12. 5$ if you force her to come to you she’s gonna hate you. She is her own human who wants certain things outta life. If it’s with the mom, then it’s with the mom. Decisions should always be made with child’s best interest in mind.
Go back to court ask them for mom to meet u half way so u can stop wasting money on hotels. Have a talk with mom about cancelling visits and if she doesn’t follow go back to court.
Yes take her to court and surely you don’t need hotels its two hours don’t embellish it’s shit regardless. Get up early and head down and still spend the day With her.
The father should call first to confirm before driving 2 hours. My kids haven’t seen their father in a year because of Covid, but all communications are open. Maybe she just wants to spend time with only her dad. I would have the father talk to his daughter and find out what’s going on with her. I honestly don’t think the mother is doing it on purpose. Yeah it’s messed up to cancel in the last minute, but maybe the daughter just wants space. She’s getting older and wants to do her own things. Just have her keep the communications open.
Get on the phone and have a heart to heart. You don’t need to go to court over this. This sounds like you just need to sit down together and discuss your feelings. That should be enough to convince her to come more often.
I’m not forcing my 13 year old to go anywhere. He’s free to go see his bio dad if he calls, and he’s free to say no if he chooses. By the 10 -11 year mark, kids should have no issue from a parent expressing their feelings about where they want to be.
12 is pretty old. I’d talk to her. Maybe he needs to work on his relationship with her.
If she is choosing to give up 4 days a month with her dad, then maybe she does not feel very close to him.
Its really up to the child to see the parent it doesn’t matter whos weekend is it
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We go months without see my step kids because the mother decides they shouldn’t come meaning I’ll buy them clothes for the whole summer and then not see them. Wasted money I told my husband I’m going to start charging her for clothes through child support. It’s a court order
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