Can we work this out?

My in laws don’t believe my husband and I are serious about divorce and my husband wants to take his parents to court so we can spilt custody between us for our oldest. I have our youngest child. I’m willing to give 50 custody to him for both children and he’s willing to do the same but his parents keep us from taking our oldest any where or keep him at all. How can we do this without court?

21 Likes

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Can we work this out? - Mamas Uncut

I’m confused, does his parents have custody of the oldest?

18 Likes

Unless you’re in laws have a custody order it’s none of their business

11 Likes

I’m confused. Do the grandparents have custody of one child? You likely need the court. Or else to learn about boundary setting.

8 Likes

How does his parents have any say? Do his parents have custody of the oldest? Why doesn’t anyone want time with the youngest? If his parents have custody of the oldest. Court with them is the only option if you want to see your oldest. If not then gis parents don’t need to be involved in this at all and they would see the children on his time.

8 Likes

We cant answer this when the whole story isn’t being told. Try again then you may get answers.

40 Likes

You would have to take in laws to court and be giving joint custody. The judge would probably give you one weekend and give ex the next and y’all rotate weekends.

1 Like

Grandparents have no say

1 Like

Sounds like the grandparents have custody of the oldest.
If that’s the case, then they legally get to make the decisions. To change that your (ex)husband is correct; you need to go to court

7 Likes

Sounds like this is your mess and no one else is going to figure it out unless you give more details

1 Like

Why do your parents have any say in this

1 Like

Who is legal guardian of the oldest? Why do you both have to have their approval to have your kid? What’s the rest of the story?

6 Likes

If the grandparents have custody of your oldest son then yes court will have to be involved if they dont have custody all you have to do is go get your son? Call the cops and have them meet you there if you have to doesnt seem like youve given all the details about the situation

1 Like

I guess I need more answers here… do his parents have custody/guarding ship over oldest? If not they have no say in anything

Unless there is more to this story than you are saying they have no say in what you do. Do they have custody or something?

2 Likes

There’s a lot missing from this story. His parents shouldn’t have any bearing on your divorce. Get a lawyer and go through court. Protect you, your soon to be ex and your kids and just do it the right way. Anymore, if it’s not done in court, you’ll end up shooting yourself in the foot.

6 Likes

If they don’t have custody have a sheriff go to their house with you. That’s kidnapping

4 Likes

I’m going to answer the only question there is enough detail to answer. Regardless of a court order or not, you left that child with his grandparents, for whatever reason and just because you and your husband have decided to split does not mean you should just uproot this child. If that is where he has been then that is the home he knows so just taking him is problem going to cause him quiet the disruption and make his life very chaotic. You and your husband need to work through your divorce and get that settled then work on establishing terms with his grandparents to establish visitation for the two of you and eventually, if the child wants, residence with one of you.

11 Likes

The only individuals who should have any say when it comes to your children would be both you and your husband. Period.

4 Likes

His parents have no say. Write up your own custody papers. Have them notarized, and boom. You’re good.

3 Likes

Court is the ONLY way. But i wouldnt just go for half. Let him take his baby back.

I don’t understand. If they don’t have custody of them just go get your damn kid. Call the cops if you have to. They can not keep your kid from you if they don’t have custody.

If they do have custody it sounds like court is the only option you have.

Unless they have custody it’s non of there business

4 Likes

Um unless they have custody, they don’t mean shit. Period

So much missing information, your post makes no sense

17 Likes

I don’t understand why anyone other then you and your soon to be ex have anything to do with it? Grandparents have some rights, but their visiting time with kids is up to the parents. Not the courts, unless there is something going on, that is not out into the question. Only way they get court appointed time is if you and dad aren’t letting them see the kids. Why would you waste time of courts and lawyers for that?

2 Likes

If this is your child your in laws can’t prevent you from taking him! That’s kidnapping! Do they have custody? If NOT take your child and file kidnapping charges.

1 Like

Do his parents currently have custody if your oldest? Because unless they have custody, for whatever reason, they have no say! I mean, I can understand their concern over your divorce and the well being of the children, but if they don’t have custody, then tell them to STFU and you and your husband work out what will be best for the two of you and the children after divorcing. Of course, if they have custody of your oldest, it’s a whole other process. But you can still both petition the court for custody back (assuming whatever issue landed your oldest in the grandparents custody has been resolved) and split it.

I have a feeling they have some sort of legal custody. They’d have to take proper care of kiddo. With custody paperwork doctors aren’t going to just treat a kid bc grandma says to. They need legal authority to authorize any medical care. When you abandoned him at 5weeks with them do you know if they went and filed for custody? Also if things are so rocky between you and dads situations that DHS will permanently remove him then there’s def more to this story. We can give you any type of decent advice if you leave out important details. Do you even know all the details? Why would want to rip him from the only family he’s known? Also why is your husband/baby daddy paying for his GFs stuff when he can’t even figure out custody of his own child. He has more important responsibilities than a GFs custody. You both need jobs, stable living situations, maybe some actual therapy where you aren’t trying to get disability and actually address your shortcomings, and then you need to sit down and decide is your child in a better place with the grandparents or living your chaos? I normally advocate for parents autonomy with their child but you haven’t had autonomy over your child for years. What valid excuse are you going to use in court to excuse your abandonment?

7 Likes

So you left your son with his grandparents since he was 5 weeks old he is now almost 4 years old and you want him back. I think it’s unfair on your son to take him away from the only home he knows

10 Likes

Unless you gave them custody, you can go and get him at any time. If they refuse, call the police.

I’m getting the vibe that he should stay right where he’s at….

6 Likes

Do whats right for the child. Ripping him out of his home of 4 years is going to be confusing and traumatic for him. If he’s happy and taken care of then maybe that’s the best place for him. Why leave him there then take him away from his stability and safety?

1 Like

Leave him where he is, if you didn’t care enough to care for him this whole time leave him with the people who are actually raising him is how I see it. Do court for the child you care for bc one day it could back fire for you both but leave the one with the grandparents with them bc that’s all he’s known it wouldn’t be right for you guys to decide to want to care for him after all this time when you didn’t care for him until what seems to be recently

Grandparents have no rights in the state of Arkansas anymore. And he’s been there since 5 weeks because we lived in a camper. No way I was keeping a baby in a camper not knowing if the heat even worked or not and my husband being in and out like he’s always been. Plus fighting over me wanting to get a job at the time and fighting over him talking to females he was being sexual towards was not healthy for my oldest. He’s three and I been trying on and off to get him but get told I can’t because my in laws will call dhs and county cops won’t help at all. I got an office room I can put a bed in at my grandmothers for him. But I don’t like the fact it’s got computers and my aunts items in it and also he doesn’t even sleep alone he sleeps in the same bed as either his aunt and nana and baby cousin or his grandpa he never sleeps alone. I’m trying to do what my husband wants but at the same time I feeling like we shouldn’t since I don’t get a direct reason besides my son called his dad an s.o.b has said f u to his aunt and I hate u to everyone but me and his grandpa. He even bites and don’t get intro Trouble for it unless I’m there or his dad is there even then it’s a no u can’t get on to him because he’s prefect yet my youngest does one tiny thing wrong he gets yelled at by everyone but me and his dad. Or they’ll just tel my youngest he’s wrong and not the favorite. I honestly don’t know what to do because my husband says back him but I don’t see what’s wrong with where he’s at since neither of us have a good place for him. I’m still fixing a trailer I’m renting with a friend so I can prove to his grandparents I have a place he can come to during the week while his nana works. They’ve agreed once COVID’s over I can keep him some to let him get used to my family and me having a house. But husband won’t leave it alone and makes me feel bad bc I keep saying don’t stir the pot ur family hates u enough as it is and don’t cause anymore issues. I wanna Have both my children together but everyone thinks I can get a job bullshit I keep trying and keep being told no everytime I tell the truth about my anxieties depression and my bio polar plus I can’t even take the permit test or driver licenses test due to the fact I’ve seen to many wrecks when my husband was a fire fighter and the fact driving scares me because I been in to many almost wrecks. But y’all aren’t being helpful when I state the truth and say I’m making excuses. Y’all just wanna judge. My husband Had rape charges against him. And that can be used against us even tho it was a girl and he’s still a round his daughter ( the court systems bullshit bc the 14 year olds parents allowed it when they’re not guardians her grandmother is) and his gf just thinks it’s ok for him to get our son. To me it’s not. I agreed to 50/50 with supper vision on both our parts because honestly he will end up in prison then my son ends up who knows where. But no I’m in the wrong for trying to get disability and save for a lawyer for it since therapist and dr won’t help find a good cheap on and legal aid is a load of shit for not quilfying me based on my husbands job and it’s bullshit he’s paying $2400 for his gf to get her son back when it can be spent on getting ours back and getting a place for him and us divorcing. But no everything’s up to me because Arkansas a mother state. My oldest is coming for Christmas the day after like his nana said. Idk who’s side to be on or what to even tell my husband anymore. We’re just now getting alone and trying to coparenting easily. But this is just stress I shouldn’t have right now. I’d have to put our oldest in therapy for cussing saying I hate u and also says titties and beer thanks to grandpa and uncle. My three year old shouldn’t have to go to therapy got fix him saying that shit. Plus husband ain’t giving reasons besides the fact he’s called by his name and hate I’m still called mommy whenever our oldest calls me and talks to me via messages. Our oldest is asked what our names are and then ask who we are and says mommy and daddy or mommy and dad. He’s just got something up his ass I guess and wants to make sure our oldest has nothing to do with either side of the family. And I take care of my youngest because I get money for helping take care of my grandparents and my bio dad. I’m payed a certain amount for doing little things like laundry or I have them get stuff for my youngest he’s here with me and since my oldest has everything he needs already there’s no need is what I’m always told. But when it comes to Christmas and birthdays he still gets gifts from my side just like his brother does from there side. Y’all are basically saying I should’ve kept him in a camper that I had no clue if heat works in and he was just right next door to me so he wasn’t all alone there without me all the time just up until his aunt attacked me ( he was a 11 months almost a year old and brother was 2 months old at the time. ) then they sent my youngest to me because they can’t handle more then one child yet they got a baby baby in the house. But my husband can’t use that as a valid reason now. According to husband he don’t think it is since he doesn’t have his own room and his aunt him and his nana and the new baby share a room but I see no problem with it whatsoever. His nana thinks sharing a room is fine otherwise the other room would’ve been turned into a room not a storage place by now. Also dhs been called before and it’s been made clear we can’t not have another case period or he gets taken. I wanna avoid court and dhs as much as possible. This has information I left out but since y’all wanna judge and keep saying places will hire me when I keep trying and being told because I tell the truth about what’s wrong with me and how I have no dl but reliable transportation.( my bio dad can take me back and forth even tho he’s 51 and my grandparents could as well even tho they’re 67 &66) it’s still a no we don’t need h Everytime I call back or at the interviews. I been posting my home made jewelry for any price people want but get comments saying go to hell murders wife friends or get told I’m a sin for being friends with a murders wife who had nothing to do with her husbands shit. This world is mean and cruel for anyone trying to keep friends and keep the peace between everyone. Since husband won’t stop asking what we’re gonna do. I’ve have a lot of panic attacks and almost a heart attack from his constant asking. I just keep saying don’t stir the pot let ur court case be officially sealed ( won’t tell me why he’s still in from his big truck he drives or if courts officially over) and then do whatever u want but leave me out of this. I’m not stirring any pots until my trailer is finished. Hell he can’t take our oldest anywhere without me so he might as well give up now and safe the trouble and fix his relationship ship with his gf and his daughter who’s almost a year old. And worry bout his new baby from his gf that’s coming soon to this messed up life he’s gonna create for her. And it was his idea to leave oldest with his parents bc he believed we could go get him once we straightened things out. I honestly got talked into after him keeping on for three days straight and found out today he purposely kept information about that camper from me. It had heat this whole time. He just tells me this tonight as he apologizes for everything he did to me including cheating

Does the four year old even want to live with you or his father? I don’t see why you need to rip him out of his home that hes known this whole time. Fight them for visitation, but not custody. You should have a right to visit him but if he’s in a stable environment, you should disrupt it just because its what you want.

1 Like

Lemme just inform this entire post that THIS is her husband. :woman_facepalming:t2::woman_facepalming:t2::woman_facepalming:t2::woman_facepalming:t2: this is why they get threatened with DHS and whatnot. Also, according to her… the grandparents have had custody of the oldest child since 5 weeks old when DHS was involved because the baby wasn’t gaining weight. The child is 3 now. If Sharp county reported to the AOC, I would read affidavits and custody orders to figure out what’s going on with custody, but they’re not on the public system. also, your profile is wide open. I saw you getting candy out of that nasty ass refrigerator for your kid. 0/10 do not recommend bringing anyone into that environment.

Get the courts involved other wise you risk getting messed over. It should be between you and your ex, not his parents.

1 Like

Dropped off at 4 weeks old , DHS involved with son at home already and cops hate her ex , she’s confused why ex wants to go get oldest son now ??? Omg leave this baby where he is , sounds like he is in a way better home and environment!!!

3 Likes

The in laws can’t do anything as they don’t have say…it’s between you and your husband…tell them to butt out and do planning between your selfs…has nothing to do with them at all

I think I read you are living in a camper…How old is the child living with the grandparents?
It’s possible if you get on your feet and get a stable home maybe the grandparents would see how hard your trying and start working with you to figure out a good solution for everyone…

What? This makes no sense

how is it that your in laws have your oldest like that? can’t you call the police and ask if it’s considered kidnapping

I would walk into anywhere my child is, pick them up in my arms, and walk out. If they tried to stop me I would be on the phone with 911 immediately for them kidnapping my child and holding them. Ain’t no one keeping me from my child!

3 Likes

Speaking from experience here. My mom dropped me off with my grandparents when I was a baby and they raised me till she decided she wanted wanted to be a mom when I was in 5th grade. To avoid going to court and what not, I went to live with her. We agreed after 6 months, I could decide whether or not I stayed or went back home. Little did we know, she only had to keep me for 6 months and my grandma lost all rights. Worst 3 years of my life! She finally let me move back and I’ll tell you what. I hated her for the longest time for ripping me away from my Mother, the woman that raised me. I suggest you let that boy stay right where he’s at.

7 Likes

You didn’t care this whole time and now you want to take him from his home…that is his home now. You gave that up. Selfish.

8 Likes

You abandoned him now you want him back. Absolutely not you lost that privilege when you left him on the doorstep

4 Likes

That’s going to be quite a difficult situation. Firstly, the emotional part is hard for them as they are now their second parents.
Secondly, ripping him apart from them, it could make your child resent you as mother and him as a father. Try to arrange visits for holidays, etc. However, you need to put your child first and think about what is better for him. As the youngest was raised by you, he will not have the same attachment as the oldest.

1 Like

You should have explained you don’t have custody sweetie.

4 Likes

Leave that child where he is. You clearly didnt care enough about him to want him to begin with so how are you gonna just think you deserve to be a parent now…

3 Likes

Tbh it sounds like you shouldn’t have any kids. Yall have an ongoing cps case, you abandoned a 5 week old baby with his grandparents and left him for almost 4 years, you don’t have a place to live, what in the world makes you think you’re a fit parent??

5 Likes

Girl you gave up your child you don’t get to just up & decide to take him from the only parents he’s ever known & your in laws don’t have to give him up either. You made that decision. Don’t mess up that child’s life.

-abandoned child at 5 weeks old

  • 4 YEARS later, still no solid acceptable and safe home
  • No income
  • Too disabled to work but not enough for a diagnosis?
  • Who are all these people telling you gestures vaguely?

Leave that baby where he is. He’s safe in his home with his actual family.

2 Likes

Holy fuck @Dana Sue Newman I just read all of the comments of yours at the beginning of this post anddddd…just what the fuck. You are no mother to that kid. How fucking old are you?
It is LAUGHABLE that you would even think or want to have custody of “your” oldest child.
-YOU LEFT HIM there at 5 weeks old, he’s almost 4 and NOW you want him back??
-You stated you’ve had previous DHS cases.
-You stated “he can’t stand to be away from his nana, if we take him he will have to be put in therapy for separation anxiety”—clearly because SHE RAISED HIM & YOU DIDNT.
-You stated your “soon-to-be-ex” lives in a camper.
-You stated you live at your grandmothers but don’t even have your own room.
-Then you stated you stay at your bio dad’s who also lives in a camper.
-Also stated you live off your bio dads income :thinking::woman_facepalming:
-Anxiety/Depression/Bipolar is NOT a disability it’s a mental health condition so no wonder your doctor AND therapist will not approve “disability” :woman_facepalming:
-You don’t have a job because you’re “waiting” to get approved for disability for 2+ years which period point blank will never happen. GET A JOB. YOU.ARE.ABLE.TO.WORK!!!
-You stated you don’t have a drivers license.

I’m sorry but you have some serious problems girl and clearly are not fit to parent this child. It is obviously in the childs best interest to stay with nana until you at the very least get your whole life together.

First, you dont say if they have legal custody. If they do go to court. If they don’t get the police to go w you to get your child and then go to family court to arrange 50/50 custody

Is this the Jerry Springer show?. What kind of white trash hillbilly crap is going on?