Can you live separate and keep a relationship after already living together?

My bf and I have been together for five years. He has one son (13) and I have two sons (11 & 13). The last few months have not been so great between us. During our last argument, we decided it is best for myself and my kids to move out. We later talked about working on us while living separately. Our arguments always seem to stem bc we are both just miserable from everyday stress. Has anyone ever left after already living together and had a successful relationship afterwards living separately?
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Can you live separate and keep a relationship after already living together?

yes and sometimes it works out the best. you’re not around each other 24/7. you have your safe space and when you actually see each other you actually miss each other.

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Na. He needs to live separately so he can have a separate life from you cus yall dont get along 🤷

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Currently wondering/going thru the same.

Split after 12yrs & got our own places. It was a real wake-up call for my man. He was angry at first, but then he took the time to work on us. We moved back into the same house a year later & have absolutely no issues.

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I would still give it a go!

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My teacher did this with her husband and she said it was the best for their relationship and they spent weekends together. Gave them time to do their own day to day life.

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I don’t have solid advice, In my case - My bf & i had to live separate after 2 yrs for financial reasons . Its definitely rough with our own stressors (I have our son, Opposite work schedules etc) but i think its helped to figure out if we honestly want a house/Grow together in the future.

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We did, we separated but continued together. Got engaged, married, had more trials, and more, all the while deciding to stay together for a future, still trials (teenagers) kids grew up Got married/moved out, we now have zero arguments. Raising a blened family takes lots of work and dedication, and oh so rewarding, when they grow up. We now have a 14 yr old of our own. So much easier, still not perfect. #familythatpraystogetherstaystogether

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Yes do it! As long as you trust each other the space will help!

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I think if you are constantly arguing and both are miserable because of day to day stress and arguing maybe you either need to try couples therapy but if that doesn’t work you will know if it’s time to move on. Trust your gut. But living apart is still a relationship I know people who are married and live apart there marriage is strong. Keep going mama, you got this

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Why not. Let it be an opportunity to work on you and your happiness. While working on your relationship. Life is hard. Sometimes we need to work on ourselves and not have the constant stress and anger of life brought into the relationship

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I’m doing it!! I moved out with my 2 bio boys 7 years ago & he kept his 2 bio boys. We lived separately for 2 years . He had to make a true effort to come see us. We decided to move back in together after the 2 years. We did for the last 5 years & now we were separating homes again cause his boys r absolutely horrible (no joke!!) & it has truly opened his eyes big time this time! I was planning to fully split this time as he hasn’t been a good or there partner & has been an absent partner & father for most of our 12 yr relationship & tried to blame ME for his kids horrible behaviors. But he has turned the tables on Himself 100%%!! I really hope he keeps it up, but We will see! So far so good!! & my kids & I r loving our new place!! We dont have to hide our stuff from His kids or lock it away cause they would steal it, & our stuff/furniture isn’t damaged from them either! So far it’s great!! We will be working on. Us as we go along as well. He will have to put effort I I us for the first rime I. 12 yrs if he wants me in his life!

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Same boat right now, but we’re still living together and not really working it out… Idk blended families are hard. It’s been 5yrs and honestly between the 6 kids, his HCBM and her fiance, my ex…I am just done. I want to pack up my 4 kids and move far away from everyone else!

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Yes. My husband and I do.

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I know older couples who get married but stay in their own homes. If it works, it works! Marriage counseling is always useful.

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Me and my fianće are living seperately. We have a 1yr old son and I’m expecting. It takes work to do so alot of trust and communication of course but if you 2 really want it to work you will both make it work. I have boundaries as we were arguing alot due to his drinking but now I have my own home and I have our son he has his own place so he can work on himself and get the help he needs to stay sober.

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Yay we are doing it now after 2 years of marriage! Our relationship is working out completely well

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No. I tried 2x with my son’s father… the first time I left, he started seeing another girl lowkey but was still trying to work on “us”… I then found out about her then 2 weeks later found out I was pregnant with our 2nd… so we tried “harder” for our relationship…

I moved out again 5 months after our 2nd son was born, still hoping to work on us. He was gonna stop drinking and work on anger management stuff… well again, talking to multiple girls but still coming over to my apartment a few days out of the week telling me he loved me and we would have sex… I found out about these girls and also the same week I moved out, he had a new girl move in days later!!! Its too toxic

I think if you’ve already taken the steps to move out and live separately… continue on separately

Best of luck

Do what u gotta do for ur kids. They don’t deserve to grow up in a household where they see you two fighting

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No, relationships shouldn’t move backwards

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If you both want the relationship then it will work. But living separately will give you both time to figure out what is what… while still maintaining a relationship. And be kind to each other…with no expectations. Date a couple of times a week. Living separately isn’t spending every night at one or the others place…if you are going to do that you might as well not move.

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I think you know what’s best for you and your relationship. I salute both of you for willing to try. Effort is life.

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Yeah, it’s actually saving more relationships than anything. I know a couple that was married for over 20 years and had to do that and after 2 years and some counseling and living separately they’re back living together and have been for years now.

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I knew a lady, who was a good 10-15 years older, her and her husband were married but lived in their own houses. They didn’t have kids, but it worked for them and they were both happy.

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If u love each other try anything don’t let things brake u

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It didnt work for me i tried for a year to find out he had others coming over… if its day to day stress try changing something if you can. Therapy helps to

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Some people can do it separately and some can’t

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If you both truly love each other won’t let nothing get between each other I know the feeling but we live together I have 4 kid’s we had a child together than he have 2 girls of his own he gets on weekends let me tell you what almost ruine our relationship his daughter didn’t want to respect me and call my 4 year old daughter the n word she is biracial yeah we had it out but we both worked it out together :heart: nothing get between yall not even kid’s you got this mama do what you have to do that means living different houses to save your relationship so worth it and remember this step kid’s are to be treated like your own so there for make sure his kid’s shows u respect like your own kid’s do that what my biggest down fall was I had to put them in there place but follow your heart :heart: never go wrong Good luck

Me and my boyfriend have decided to live seperately to try and save our relationship. Everyones situation is different so certain things will work for some couples that wont work for others. Its been 6 months and things are good. Always follow your heart.

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What is meant to be will be. But if you both are walking away to live apart. It is already over. One foot out, waiting for it to be final. Not trying to be mean just being realistic

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similar situation! I have a 3 y/o and I’m expecting. I just feel I haven’t ever had time to work on myself and focus on just me. I’ve been in and out of relationships for as long as I can remember… (probably a C︅o dependency) The arguments are getting old and I just want us to work on ourselves and if anything have some counseling as well to help us better communicate in a more respectful manner. He doesn’t agree though… he doesn’t feel he can do it… so it’s hard because of course I love him and want to continue the relationship, we just need our own space to work on ourselves! Feel very lost because he can’t see it as something that’s beneficial for us and instead something that will drive us apart…

Yea if u can’t live with the person u love then I would say move on. Most times people who want to live apart just want to do their own thing.

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Yup, right now. 4yrs married. He moved out for a month. Just moved back in. I think its too soon.

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I moved out with our son for a little over a month, there was a lot of talking, crying, arguments while we tried to work on our issues. I moved back in with him and things have been WAY better. We don’t fight the way we used to, we don’t argue over little things. We talk about stuff. We try to spend time together now, etc. The time apart is what WE needed. I wish it hadnt taken us seperating but it did. This was almost 2 years ago now. We’ve been together for 5 and have 2 kids.
If you guys really want to be together it’s going to take time and effort. Maybe therapy??

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Anything is possible if you work hard enough at it, but it’s going to take A LOT of work.

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Actually my husband and I got along better living apart but he lost his way on how to be faithful so I had enough of that and I am now moving on forward if you know what i mean the big D and I don’t mean Dallas

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My boyfriend and I did that. We moved back in with each other 6 months ago. It’s not impossible to work. We had things we had to work on together and separately. We’ve learned to communicate with each other better and deal with stress better. Of course we have disagreements still but nothing like before. We handle those disagreements a lot better.

Alright, I’ll jump in with my experience
Me and my ex have known EACHOTHER 2 years. 1 year living together, 10 months not living together and we decided to live together again it’s been a month and a half.
We were bad living together, always fought. We broke up and I moved 3 hours away, we didn’t talk for months and then decided to talk and co parent, things were GREAT when we weren’t living together. We never fought or anything. Since moving back in we’ve had 3 big fights, 3 in less than 2 months!!!

So yes living apart CAN make a relationship better

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My boyfriend and I lived together and then separated, but kept our relationship going. I wanted the separation for the same reasons. I felt we both needed time to work on ourselves separately. Same as you…I was miserable from everyday stress. Him and I were always so excited to see each other on the weekends. I think it worked better living apart. Our goal was to get ourselves together and live together again eventually. He ended up passing away before we could :pensive:
Maybe take some time apart, see how it works separately and take it day by day. I wish you the best of luck!

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Sounds like he wants his cake and eat it too. I would leave him then there won’t be stress.

Well it requires EACH of you to seek resources to help yourselves

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My now husband and I did that. About a year into dating we moved in together, I have two young children. Looking back, It wasn’t a good time in either of our lives to live together. After living together about a year, I moved out. We lived separately again for another year…he realized that letting me move out was a big mistake and that he wanted to spend his life with me. He proposed and we got married and bought a home together. It can happen. I’ll be honest, I didn’t know if we would make it when I moved out, but we did and we are finally truly happy together now.

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You would have a better chance after the kids have moved out. But, his kids will always come first.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Can you live separate and keep a relationship after already living together?

Yes my sister has. Her and her bf both have kids over 10 and they couldn’t mesh them, not in a living situation. They separated from living together and have flourished. It’s kind of like they each parent and take care of their daily lives separately then spend time with each other in between.

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Yes my now husband and me have! He moved out after 8 years of being together, got his own apartment. We still dated and seen each other just lived separately for a year. It made us stronger as a couple and then after that year bought a house together and have been together since and got married! You have to both be willing to work on things and be in the same page. Sometimes you just need alittle time apart but not really if you know what I mean

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I moved in with my boyfriend of 3 years I had son his is grown…it didn’t work out I moved out got apartment …we still together everything is great no problems…I been moved out over year love living alone

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My mom and step dad have been living apart for over 2 years now. Theyre planning on moving back in together this year though

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I think depends If see others, it can if still committed to each other, if not it won’t work.

So theres a video I saw a few weeks ago where a woman and her significant other lived in the same building but it was like different apartments. They each had their own space only sharing a laundry room

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There’s no right or wrong way with this kind of relationship. All that matters is if you’re both okay with it. Regarding the arguments that stem from daily stress, well, this sounds like a communication problem. Life will never be perfect but many have to learn not to take life’s frustrations out on their partners and try to direct appropriate thoughts and emotions at the problem—and not onto anyone that’s innocent and may be only trying to be supportive.

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Depends on the couple to be honest and on loyalty and commitment to each other and the relationship.

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No idea never been with anyone long enough to find out

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Yup. In that situation and it works well for us.