She’ll be fine. Check with Daycare what she does once you leave to make sure. Just make sure you say goodbye and that you’ll be back at x time (don’t sneak off). Be very calm and give a hug. Kids do this even at aged 11 but how you react is key.
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Could daycare be traumatizing my 3 year old? - Mamas Uncut
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Have her watch one of your sweaters or something that is yours for you while away.
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I work at a daycare. And when we have a child that is like that we observe to see if they continue and if they do I will normally try to give them some love or play with them one on one. I agree with the surprise visits, but it could just be you were with her constantly for an entire year. She got used to it. And now this is a change in her routine. It might take a while for her to make it her routine. I’m sure you give her a ton of love when you’re with her, but maybe do something a little extra with her to reassure her that you’ll always be there.
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I teach this age 2 to 5 Its a phase. I just starter a new year with many kids who have never been anywhere except with parents or grandparents, its exceptionaly bad this year bc of the last couple of covid years. Normally we have maybe one or two who cry at drop off and normally stop with in minutes. Now we have 3 or 4 per class and some of those dont stop untol they are picked up no matter what we do. This is because most of these kids have been very few places let alone without their parents. It will stop more then likely after a few weeks or it may not. My very fiestcyear of teaching i had one little boy in tk who would cling to his mom everyday at drop off but be perfectly fine in 5 minutes. Ask for updates through out the day and theres also several books you van buy that will help with separation anxiety.
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Worked with that age for many years, it happens often,sometimes for a week or two and sometimes months before everything is fine. Give her something special to hold on to, maybe a picture of the two of you or a small note. Always ask about it when you pick her up. Make sure you talk about the good stuff and the fun times! And always admire the beautiful art work she will be bringing home 
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With my grandson it was the day care not him
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It could be she is afraid of another child at daycare. My son had night terrors when he was a small child and it was because he was being terrorized by another little boy, who was subsequently expelled for bad behavior.
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Something is going on. Find out
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I think it is partly her age. Children go through a developmental stage where they become very tightly attached to momma. You might get an item that you can convince her is very special to you. Ask her to keep it safe for you because you are not allowed to take it to school with you. Give her that job to focus on and perhaps she will not be clinging and crying after a bit. Good luck with her.
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I am a nanny who also used to work in a daycare setting and in my spare time I also volunteer in the 3 year old room at my church. Honestly, there will ALWAYS be atleast 1 crier in the room at drop off. The advice I give to parents is to let the child try coping in the room for 10mins. As a parent you are more welcome to stand beside the door or leave. But please don’t stand in the door where your child can see you. Usually in under 5mins the child has settled and is playing. My question for you is does she also cry or is still crying at pick up? If the answer is yes than it might be wise to talk about it with her teacher or the director at the centre. If when you come for pick up she doesn’t want to leave then maybe she just needs some time to adjust.
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It’s something going on you need to just pop up
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As long as you are sure nothing is happening to your daughter at the daycare with the teachers or the other children, you might want to put some perfume on both of her wrists. And tell her to sniff it when she gets upset. It will break the upset cycle plus it will remind her of you.
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she’s that much older different psychological development level; what do teachers tell you about how quickly she settles down after you leave . read a few books about this stage snd develop a plan accordingly
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I’d be asking them what she’s like once you’ve gone. My son was like this when we changed centres at 18 months old. They advised he bring something he loves with him. Thomas the tank books were his favourite at the time and he loved pointing out the words he knew. The girls were great and after a couple of days he was happy to go. Good luck. The guilt is tough but it definitely affects us more than them in the end.
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Totally possible. My kids always had very good intuition and I changed my plans if they didn’t feel at ease
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My child used to do this and I couldn’t understand why since he’d gone there before. I ended up going to work there a couple of years after he’d gone onto school and keep in mind same staff worked there. Found out the teacher that he had was not so very nice when parents were out of the room. She should not have been working I’m with young children. I still feel guilty knowing now how she treated kids and how he’d throw such a fit and I never knew why. Maybe momma needs to drop by unexpectedly and see if all is well. Also she may or may not already do this but keep the goodbyes short and sweet. Let little one know she’ll be back to pick her up when mom is finished, give her a hug and kiss and get out of sight. But definitely check up on the teaching environment just to make sure.
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Try a bracelet or something, wear it and give to her. Tell her mommy’s love is stored up in it. At end of day take it back to recharge it
Consistency is key.
It’s not unusual behavior.
I used to teach preschool.
Most kids would prefer their grownup stayed and played with them all day at preschool. Its hard to say goodbye to someone they love. Routine helps with the adjustment.
A year off is a long time. I am a retired preschool teacher , and separation drama is normal. I had my moms phone numbers and would call after 30 minutes if the child was having a meltdown when she left 99% of the time it resolved itself and the child would adapt and actually enjoy the preschool
Experience. Then there is the wishful thinking. Little one thinks if they howl , mom will change her mind. Sadly moms do have to work. But try to think of it as a growing experience. And learning how to be part of a group. And new people who really do care about them too…
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I did home daycare had one little boy it took a week to get use this daycare surroundings little by little was just the sweetest little boy,mom told me later after he was there for about 6 months that she would stand out side and cried because he wasn’t anymore. So stand out side not so she can see you and just see how long she crys bet it isn’t to much
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When my son was that age… I went through 6 daycares in 6 months cause he’d start crying when we got to the daycare and cry and scream until I carried him out at pick up… he would cry and scream the whole time until he puked or passed out and start up again as soon as he was done puking or napping… None of them could handle him… finally found a home daycare and she was very good with him… He’s also special needs… he has horrible social anxiety and speration anxiety… he’s 7y now and still has some issues now and again but he’s pretty good for the most part… loves school… when he first started he loved it but hated me dropping him off… once the bus started picking him up and dropping him off he seemed to tolerate being or going away from me more…
My son started bed wetting and was miserable most of the time, l decided to take him for therapy, he was given crayons and a plain sheet to draw whatever was on his mind. He drew his teacher with a huge stick and a little boy standing next to her crying, the 2nd picture, the teacher was wearing a red dress with a lot of make up, the therapist assumed that the teacher wears bright colors and make up when she is happy, in the last picture, the teacher had no hands, which meant that my son’s wish was for the teacher not to have hands. We took the drawing to the teacher to discuss and for way forward, it helped a lot, my son was happier.Not that teachers are bad, but some can be really strict and instill fear. Sometimes Children can be bullied by other children and they won’t say anything. Therapy did wonders for me.
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I would try a different daycare. There maybe something that makes her uncomfortable at that daycare. My grandson would cling to me when I picked him up. He changed daycares and was a happy boy!
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I work for a preschool and we have kids that do this all the time. Once the parent leaves after a minute or two the kids are fine and playing.
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Give her a photo of you that she can keep close by and hold whenever she wants to. Read The Kissing Hand. Make her a watch from paper that shows the time you will be back and she can wear it during the day. See if you can spend some time in the classroom with her - much harder with COVID but I found that can be helpful.
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My first son was like this. I found the more days that he attended each week the easier it was. When he only went once a week it was so traumatic. Second and third child never had a problem at day care. For me it was a sign that he needed more time away from me to feel more confident/resilient but I always made sure he knew that I loved him and told him when I’d be returning.
Does she seem okay when you pick her up? It’s possible that the initial separation upsets her but she’s okay after a little bit. I would make a couple of surprise visits and also note how she behaves at pick up and when she comes home.
How about you being excited for her? When you get her up ask her how much fun she is going to have with the other kids. They feel our tones and feel our anxieties.onve you get there be excited about something she gets to do when she gets there. A toy or a friend. Go show her a book or a toy, sit for a few min until she was comfortable then give he a big kiss. Let her get comfortable in her surroundings before leaving,
Toddlers often go through a stage of crying when parents leave. My grandson occasionally cries and clings to his parents when they leave but I guarantee you the moment they are out of sight he is happy as can be, kisses, hugs and laughter all day. He has a blast at Grandmas but still doesn’t seem to want to be separated from his parents.
She will adjust,being with you constantly and then put back in daycare is confusing for her.As she realizes you will come back it will get better,I used to do home daycare and it was so hard on some of the kiddos,but they get used to routines after a bit,be patient and check on her through the day if you can to see how she is doing.Hang in there I know it’s hard for you.
BIG FLAG !!! Listen to those cries. Something not good is going on. Pay attn or just switch her. I know for a fact when kids cry uncontrollably there’s an issue. Please be more aware. Pop in unexpected. Maybe , does daycare have cameras?
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At 3, we tried daycare just for socialization. My son started having nightmares and begging not to go. He couldn’t vocalize why, but we took him out. Saw one of the daycare workers at a store a few months later and he was terrified. Obviously, she was not a nice person…
Could be separation anxiety I’m currently dealing with that now from my 5 year old who started kindergarten never been away other then staying with my mom I reassure her and all she has started therapy hopefully it helps
I have done child care for 27 years. I would say with all the fear the past year about germs mask and not being able to go anywhere. These kids pick up on it more than you know. I have a child I have had since they werr a baby. And when they came back after off for 6 months. They cried for 2 weeks at drop off. Then usually after a good few min they werr fine. Please make sure it is not something therr or someone. I have always loved the idea of something for them to hold onto or keep ij backpack if needed to comfort them. It is hard as a parent I know. I cried when I would drop my kids off. It will get better as long as you don’t linger and feed off his anxiety. Reassure give kisses And say goodbye. Good luck momma you are doing great!
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Mumma you gotta be cruel to be kind…if you trust where your leaving your child…I’m sure they have seen our babies go through this stage…Hard but sometimes we gotta be cruel to be kind…it gets better…I use to always made sure they saw me leave and not sneak out ,wave and made sure they was picked up!! You’re always come back!!
Get her some little treats to share with the other children she maybe exited to get there to give her little friends a little treat
As long as they can have them obviously but she could choose and ask the names of the other children tell her then she can hand them out and if she’s good you can do it maybe once a week or month to suit your pocket
It maybe be just a big bag of puffs or something like that xx
She did the same when she started school only took a couple of weeks to settle. Hope this help.
I’m a preschool teacher, a couple of questions. Because she has been gone from daycare for a year and she doesn’t remember going. Have you talked to her teachers? Observe them with her, are they nurturing? Do they try to interact with her. What is your demeanor? We have kids that scream and cry and as soon as mom or dad are gone they stop. Some do take longer. She will feed off of you, it may be a matter of having a big hug and a quick drop off, sometimes the more you linger and try to comfort her the harder it is for her.
We had one little that stopped crying before the door closed, his dad was so concerned because he would scream and those tears were so big. Immediately as dad was out of sight he was playing.
Others really do have a harder time, how you and the teachers handle it will make all of the difference.
She isn’t being traumatized, unless you make it a trauma.
I will edit to add: check in on her if you can, not where she can see you, but where you can see her. Just for your own peace of mind.
Make sure she isn’t being abused by an employee or being bullied by another child after that’s clear it’s just a baby being sad from separation cuz that’s normal and that she stops after you leave cuz it’s healthy for them to have emotions as long as their isn’t a serious reason and she/he is able to be calmed down by the staff.
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My babies have only known me. For almost 2 years. Your baby is overwhelmed. I mean it was like No No! And all they learned was that. I have put my two back in school. ( my grandchildren) hopefully your little love will adjust. Just reassure her that you are there…good luck Mama! And Kudos on your Efforts and Education!
Yeah but it also can be separation anxiety. But with her just starting getting upset. It’s also could be just a phase. I would go it being a phase or separation anxiety before anything else. Keep a family phone in her bag write mommy daddy love you . Always remind them you are going to pick them up.
New things scare us all she has had your one on one for a year give her a little time to adjust you always have the right to stop by the daycare anytime
maybe if you could go to school with him for the day ,then theywill see how much you love him and start acting better if that doesn’t work I’d tell her teacher that this behavior is not acceptable …kids are so cruel…sometimes you just have to step in !
She just needs to adjust to going back. She will be fine and you will too. Give her time and don’t take her out. If you do it could be harder for her adjust to school later on. It’s important for her development She attends day care. Best thing you can do is drop her off and leave if she sees you it makes it worse
She’s just having a hard time adjusting. She’s use to being with Mama. Just keep taking her. She’ll get over it. I’ve very lucky I didn’t have issues with my children… there were times I was a stay at home.
Check and see if the elder kids are bullying your kid.
This use to happen to my child and I changed the nursery or day care… Early stage he cried but with 2 to 3 weeks he way ok…
My 3 year old did this too. The teachers were switched and I dont think they showed him as much love and he knew the difference. Had me worried for awhile that maybe something was happening but he eventually stopped crying
She will be fine many children have that separation anxiety! When you drop her off say goodbyes and don’t linger just go, they get over it eventually and enjoy their day!
My toddler cried every time I dropped him off at daycare for a week. I changed and he was happy to go…
My daughter would hang onto my leg but I would leave anyway and promise she would have a good time and I would be back
Sounds like separation anxiety-same thing happened to me when I went to kindergarten. I went to preschool and I was fine but something about kindergarten triggered me. I don’t know if it was the teacher (she wasn’t really fond of me and favored some of the other children) or what it was but I would cry everyday until the teacher paired me with a buddy (she was a highly intelligent, sweet, calm girl who made me feel better and we became friends). At first I still cried even with the buddy but as our friendship grew, I started to feel more comfortable.
Give her a photo of you. I ran a daycare for over 25 yrs. this helped a lot. the photo stayed in the cubby and if the child needed mommy then can pull out the photo for her, helped a lot of my kids through that phase. Of course pay attention to your gut feeling, but if you don’t have trust in your provider keep looking until you do. A couple of surprise visits is fine but providers have a lot of children and when their schedule is interrupted, it makes their job a lot harder too, so I would try to keep that in mind as well.
Teach them how to make friends. Get to school early and when the next child comes in have them go over and have them ask that kid to be friends. Stay in the back so you can be a touch stone for your child. On days they are not in school have a few kids from your child’s class come over for a play date. They will then feel more comfortable with those kids and won’t need you so much?
Ask her maybe she will tell you why. She should come first. I would put my stuff on hold to ensure she is not being hurt in any way.
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My daughter kicked off everytime I left her at playschool. She would beg and scream, she did the same when she started school. She is 22 and no damage has been done.
Suffer silently. My Mother many decades ago said I was clingy and cried the first few days of kindergarten. A few days in she said I settled in okay.
I think you should check her teacher and surrounding something may be bother her or him their. I would tried and talk to the child more. I think something is going on and the child cannot express it. Stay on this please.
I had one of daughters do this but found d out that after I left she would join in. Didnt want to leave at end of season.
We had a child that would stand at the door to our room that would say"Momma gone?". It took her a month to get use to momma being gone. We kept letting her know momma was coming back.
Is she happy when you pick her up?? My son used to cry when I dropped him off at my backup babysitter but when I asked if he had fun he always said yes.
How is she when you pick her up? If she is fine then she is fine if she is still upset then I would look for another daycare
I was a child who was severely abused at my day care. I am talking things like hitting my feet with wooden spoon, not allowing me to eat anything all day (I don’t remember eating anything or seeing the other kids eat ever and we were there all day), making me wear undies that I had an accident in on my head and also breaking my left arm right below the growth plate. The only signs I ever showed was me crying and saying I didn’t want to go at time of drop off. Please listen to your gut about this like my mom did. Do a random pop in to pick her up early without telling them you will be coming early. Do this several times at different times and days. This way you can see how she is acting and what is happening when they don’t expect you. When my mom showed up unexpectedly she found me with my underwear on my head. My broken arm was not found for a few weeks because I never showed signs of it hurting. Please listen to the signs she is able to give you. I hope and pray you find that she is happily playing with the other kiddos each time!!
There’s one question I’ll like to ask …with the rate of child abuse and molestation how come most professionals on this page says it’s a phase. When are we going to listen to our children. Why do we as parent trust complete strangers to tell us about our kids and not trust our own kids. Look around you we have a world full of adult healing from their childhoods for not being validated and heard. LISTEN TO OUR CHILDREN. STOP MAKING EXCUSES.
My grandchildren went to a lot of daycare and was being abuse talk to her and look at her body and watch how she acts at home Liston to your child
Developmental milestone, before she could only process what was in the room with her. Now she realizes you are leaving and it makes her sad. Normal development and sucky part of parenting
My daughter did that. Someone was abusing her physically at diaper change
It is difficult to leave under those circumstances, however, what is she like when you arrive later in the day to take her home? Is she busy playing with others? Happy or is she still tearful? I would be reassured if she was busy and playing when I arrive. That means that the tears stopped at some point and she became involved with the children and activities during the day.
Talk with the workers and see how she’s doing after you’re gone. And check her out for any bruises when you get her home. Kids her age will get bruises but you should be able to tell the difference. Like handprints around and arm or wrist area, on legs or buttocks, this would not be normal. Don’t think all that work in daycare love kids, some don’t have the patience to deal with them young ones.
Don’t worry she will get back to her before behavior with a shot settle in time.
just a suggestion, but this worked for me ,try leaving a piece of your clothing, with your scent on it scarf,sweater or blouse anything ,good luck
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Lady dee the RED LIGHT. ARE THERE ANY MEN THERE.CHECK HER BODY OUT.SOMEONE THERE MAYBE TOUCHING HER.TALK TO HER. SHE KNOWS WHO S DOING WHAT TO HER. PUT A CAMERA IN HER HAIR.LIKE THIS MAN DID HIS DAUGHTER. LADY FIND OUT. WHATS GOING ON.WOULD YOU WANT TO BE IN YOUR BABY S SHOES.??? FIND OUT WHAT SHE IS AFRAID OF. OK PUT RECORDED IN HER BAG.
If it continues it would make me suspicious as to what is going on
I’d quit till she’s older or just go part time. Not worth your worrying all day. Not all daycares are good.
Make a diagram with a car that u can move and when u leave have it at drop off time and see if the teachers will move it along to their schedule until it’s pick up time seeing it like that might help her
What does your child care provider say she does after you leave?? I bet she assimilates beautifuly after the door closes. I did childcare for 10 years. Several of my former clients would cry at the drop-off transition, to only turn on a dime as the door closes, and have a WONDERFUL day.
The separation I think you’re feeling is probably on your part as well. You both are a WIP. A Work In Progress. This Too Shall Pass, dear.
It happened with my daughter and she was not connecting well with the day care teacher she had they put her in a different class and she did fine
Something’s going on at the daycare…Ask other parents if their children are having the same behavior.
She will get over it 2 seconds after you go. Shes trying you. Shes fine!
You need to check and make sure nothing bad Is going on.
There is an issue there if she doesn’t want to be there, please don’t ignore or dismiss it!
My son did this. I changed day care and he stopped.
Maybe show up unexpectedly one day at daycare. Ask her questions?
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How is she at pick up ? Does the daycare give daily written reports about her day ?
My kids all went through this at about this age.
NO !!! Just read all those dumb comments about how natural this is. IT’S NOT!! She might not know how to express it.
Absolutely. Especially the large institutional centers.
If they have cameras in that daycare center go there with lawyer or police officer n have them check it out there might be something going on
Go with your gut. Also make surprise visits.
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Get another daycare. Your child is trying to tell you something.
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Ask her if she is ok. There may be something scaring her there.
Just be patient and she will get thru this insecurity feeling and probably be a star student.
She will settle down. It takes time. It is harder on you then it is her
She need time to readjust
When my daughter didn’t want to go to a daycare provider, it was because she was being abused. She was only 3 and couldn’t tell me. One day when I sent my 8 year old son, he told me the sitter would make my daughter go to bed and stay there most of the day. I quit my job. Go to school part time, on line or when she gets in school. Not worth it.
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My god daughter use to freak out. I gave her a key one time. N told her I can only get home with that key. She would hold it close. So when my sis n I would pick her up. She would hand me the key and just head to the car. After a couple of weeks she slowly forgot about the key. Use an old key if you try this.
reassure the child u r coming back
I worked at a Daycare and most times they settle pretty quickly…sometime a little longer …fast forward a few years and I see them and they seem just fine …most Daycares have a few special ppl who are the best at making them feel safe and secure…I hope this helps
Maybe somethings wrong there
Look for this song on You Tube. My Mommy Comes Back by Hap Palmer. Play it and watch with her and talk about the different scenarios and how the Mommy Comes back. It helped my two youngest tremendously when they were in daycare. And now my youngest daughter has an 18 month old and we watch it and sing and she loves it. It helped when HER Mommy had to begin working.
Its normal, and they usually stop after a few minutes. I never took my kids to day care but they did that even when I left them with my parents. My youngest didn’t cry at all if he didn’t see me leave.