Question…my daughter is 9, she has had my last name all her life and I’ve always had full physical custody. Her dad has lived in and out of the state her whole life. He’s had every other weekend and one day a week All her life, but only the past few years been taking his weekends and only the past few weeks taking his Wednesdays. He recently moved back into town and is now asking for my child’s last name to be changed to be hyphenated with his at the end and he is asking for joint custody. Obviously, I have a lawyer, but I want other mamas opinions. Do you think he will win these things if it’s brought to the court? I am married and she has siblings and a routine she’s been used to all her life. I am also a stay at home mom. Sorry this is sloppy typing and maybe confusing I am currently holding a newborn lol.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Could my ex win in court?
Courts don’t like splitting up children, he will likely get an extra weekend but I don’t see him getting joint custody
You can always hire a gardian ad litem. It’s like an attorney for the child. They tour homes and interview everyone. They write a statement that can sway the judge. Mine was $750 and we split it.
He has a right to visitation
…. All I can say is shame on her dad. He doesn’t sound very consistent up until recently and the fact that he wants to add his last name to hers after NINE YEARS is crazy to me. I don’t know that he could necessarily win entirely because the consistency hasn’t been there. Either way, I’m hoping for the absolute best possible outcome for your daughter. She deserves consistency
At that age I do not see a judge changing a child’s name nor joint custody. It’s great that he’s stepping up, but I personally would want to see some consistency before making drastic changes.
What does your daughter want? I feel at 9 she has the right to give her opinion on this
Ask your daughter what she wants since it’s her name. I can’t see the courts forcing you to change her name though especially since she is 9 years old.
Don’t worry, he will get visitation, and have to pay back child support and current.
If he’s been in her life consistently her whole life, helps provide and all that, I don’t see why the dad couldn’t get joint custody. He can absolutely contest the name change, so unless he’s an unfit parent or hasn’t been hands on with her raising, they will probably give the approval for the name hyphenated. It doesn’t matter that you’re remarried. She deserves to have both names if both of her parents are involved with her.
At this age the judge can talk to your daughter about how she feels as well. He hasn’t been consistent and I hope you have record of all that
It’s hard to say. A lot depends on the State you’re in. I will say that most judges try to make decisions based on the best interests of the child. Keep in close touch with your attorney. He will know what the laws say and may be familiar with that particular judge.
Yes. If he is up on child support, has adequate dwelling, and there have been no other problems he has a right to joint custody and fir her to have his last name.
Its possible. I raised my twin girls alone for 3 yrs and then their dad wanted to take em away from me. He had 2 other kids with his gf at the time and he got joint custody
I honestly think she should have her dads last name be part of her. She don’t have to use it but to have it
You need to consult with an attorney as they’re are many factors that come in to play. Such as is he a good father does he pay child support does he have a criminal record? Definitely seek representation!!
Honestly speaking if he has a good stable home there is NO reason the court won’t give him joint custody. Seems like there’s a lot of deep rooted resentment between you and him. Maybe the relationship ended bad but whatever it doesn’t really matter. All that matters is if he has a stable job & home he deserves a chance to actually parent his child. Regardless of the past you need to work past this with him for the greater good of your daughter. If he wants to be healthy and consistent LET HIM! Everyone deserves a second chance. Mothers or Fathers. It doesn’t matter.
Depending on the state they will really take your daughters opinion in consideration. I agree with everyone else talk to her see what she wants.
I don’t see a judge changing her name, but it is possible he can get joint custody once he establishes a pattern of consistency.
Joint custody only means he will have rights also and as far as the last name why not let her have her fathers last name also if he’s been in her life and is helping
Nah he will get every weekend at most the courts will have y’all go to a mediation room to work it out and if it can’t be worked out then they will ask her what she wants to do
I wouldn’t ask a 9 year old about the name. This happened to a college roommate of mine and she really didn’t understand the meaning or repercussions.
In order to change a last name both parties have to sign a form. In NC that’s the way it is to amend a birth certificate
I would def ask what she thinks. My son is 10 and I wanted to change his last name to mine since he has seen his dad since he was 2. He wanted to keep it. He knew it, he knows how to spell it and say it and write it.
One the court do paternity and proves that he is the father, the night order the name change. As far as custody, if he shows that he’s being consistent, even if in the past he was not, they might increase his visitation schedule. Depending on what state you’re in they might do a 50/50, and child support might go by both parents income.
If he wants to be in her life more, why wouldn’t you want that for her? What does she want? What’s best for her?
That’s so wrong for him to do when she’s had that name 9 years. That’s the name she knows. But honestly i would ask her what name she wants and do what she wants. In my opinion she’s old enough…. My son wants my husbands last name
As far as a name change goes, no I highly doubt it, we tried when my bonus son was 2 and got shut down. Now as far as joint custody, if he lives close enough for it to work and he’s doing everything he’s supposed to do then yeah definitely he can get joint custody but if you fight it all the way to trial it will take a long time to get to that Point anyway
Your lawyer should be able to answer that question.
If he is a good father he deserves joint custody and that should take child support away for him also as long as he has been in her life she definitely deserves his last name personal opinion just his last name not hyponated
Ask your daughter what she thinks and what she wants. Does she want a hyphenated name and to spend more time with her dad or no
What name appears on tbe birth certificate
He would have to pay for it first off & do you want this & if not why not?
I wouldn’t think a court would do this based on the fact that he has not been consistent in the last 9 years. However they may give him goals to meet then he can petition the court again. I would consult with your attorney to get a realistic idea of what to expect in your state as each state is different. I’m in TN it is very difficult for fathers to get rights here.
If he has been stepping up and being there and using the time he gets there is no reason he shouldn’t get joint. Kids deserve both parents equally in their life. This is selfishness on your end
Dude… is he a good dad? Then who cares. Does your daughter want his last name? That’s the real question. She’s old enough to have an opinion so maybe you should ask her for it. Don’t try to make her say what you wanna hear either, because i know we aren’t telling you what you wanna hear. You act like he’s trying to take her away when he’s just trying to be a normal dad.
I did it for my son once his dad made 3 years of visits. So when he was 8 we hyphenated it. I let him make the choice. I didn’t influence his decision (I’m sure his dad did) either way. He is not just my son. In the beginning yes but he did step up to be a dad and he’s a damn good one. My son Carrie’s both of our names.
He’s her dad. If he’s wanting to be in her life and has been in her life(not a stranger to her), that’s his right. Do not take that from her. She deserves every chance possible to make that bond with her dad. She can have 2 families and learn to adapt to time with each. She will resent you (I know, I was that little girl!) for putting your selfish needs/wants above hers. Learn to co-parent. That little girl needs a chance to have all the love she can get from both her biological parents. It’s a cruel, ugly, scary world out there so give her all the love and support she can get from both of you.
As far as the name change, that’s not what’s important but to him it may be. That’s an issue the 2 of you can work out in court.
Doubt he’ll win the name thing but it’s possible for the joint custody thing since he has been doing his weekends and wednesdays
People grow up and change. I would go through with it just because she deserves to with her dad also. The name change is unnecessary in my opinion. Maybe let her decide that when she is old enough.
In my state, you have have to prove him to be “unfit” or a danger for courts to deny 50/50 to fathers. Not sure about the name change… but, I can’t imagine a judge would deny the hyphen if he has DNA proof of being her father.
The name, unlikely. Time spent, likely but would all depend on the finer details.
Name probably won’t get approved BUT high probably of joint custody now that he is local and you haven’t given any valid reasons for it to be denied
The kid is old enough to tell the judge who she wants to spend time with, and changing her name is easy. She can change it to whatever she wants when she turns 18 so anything her dad wants is temporary if she hates it
I dont like how people are coming at this girl. You do not know about her whole situation only what she provides, why does everyone wanna tear someone apart all the time im ashamed of this world give your advice and move if you have nothing nice leave.
Im in Florida and they can not make you change a name.
Most likely no but the court system likes to give parents split custody unless you can prove him to be unfit. The physical custody would remain the same and no one can make you change her last name but if he gets split custody then you both would have say so over education, medical and religion. You can also ask for a tie breaker to where if you guys can’t agree then you would get get automatic say so.
No no and no. A dad cannot just decide after years of not being present not consistent that he wants to uproot this girls routine. At the very least they’ll keep the visitation system of weekends. That one day a week in the middle is a bit off balancing if u ask Me. She needs stability. She’s 9. She’s about to go thru so many changes as a girl this is heartbreaking that he decides to drag her thru this now. Idk where anyone is coming up with being a good dad??? 2 weeks of consistency??? Out of 9 years!
Literally no judge will care you’re married with more children because that has nothing to do with her and her father. Maybe he wasn’t as consistent as he should have been in the beginning, but he’s obviously trying now. Sounds like you’re the one who’s bothered he’s finally being a dad, not her
Fight him on it. Can’t pick and choose what he wants. Ask Judge to wait to see if he becomes more consistent as time goes on, explain ur reasons, ask for another year lol
These men crack me up gtfoh
So initially the fight with a Baby daddy is such a norm however there are good fathers out there, what is the worst thing for joint customer if his has malicious intent then no it’s out of the question if it’s to get you back or have any thing to do with not having her best interest at heart I don’t think joint customer is a bad thing
Co-parenting is something we should be interested in
You’re not letting her go you are merely being neutral about her having to have full access to both of you at anytime
She is 9 now and in a few years she will be 12 and that’s a different ball game she might at times not want to be around you and other time not around him
Atleast do it with all the caring and loving intentions not just because society thinks it’s a bad idea
I used to ask my son who just turned 10 if he’d like to change his last name as his sister’s, but he tells me he doesn’t want to change it, he has my las name, and my daughter is from my now husband, my husband says we should change it, but I respect my son’s choice
They will most likely give him more access to her if he’s living back near her again. Regardless it’s good for the child. If he’s regularly exercising his time again they will also take that into consideration. They will ask him to try and keep the routine but there’s not really much you can do about it when she’s in his care.
Why was he distant? Is he unfit? There is a lot of missing info… why don’t you want her having more time with her biological father? Some men don’t even step up and you’re fighting a man who wants to do right now? Hyphenated isn’t a bad thing. Shared custody isn’t either unless there are serious concerns for her wellbeing. Think of your daughter and what she might want. Routine is good but why can’t he adapt to your set routine? Have a family meeting and of he’s on board then there shouldn’t be an issue
Is there a reason you don’t want him to have a bigger role in her life now that he has moved closer? Was being absent earlier in her life because of choice, circumstances, his belief that as an infant and toddler she needed her mama and stability more than him? Just being an Ex doesn’t make him ineligible for what he’s asking, but there’s nothing else to indicate his request is unreasonable.
The name probably not. Custody and number of days depends on the father and how fit he is. Even out of state he was seeing her.
Well yes he can absolutely win his rights to joint custody…the last name thing I’d leave up to yalls daughter…
Possibly during the week he can pick her up from school and then have her back before bedtime. Judge will take education seriously.
Ask your daughter what she wants to do re the name change and time with her dad, it must be hard facing the changes but maybe she wants his name and more time with him.
He will most likely get joint and depending on judge he can get the name change amended
In my opinion, a child needs their dad in their life. If he’s moved back to town it’s obvious he wants to be in her life full time, why try and stop that unless there’s abuse or something else going on behind the scenes for you to be weary of? And as for the last name, let her decide. Yea she’s only 9 but still it’s HER name. She should get to way in on it atleast. If she doesn’t like it then don’t do it. Simple as that.
More than likely nit bc he has shown zero attempts to be fully on her life at all until recently. He probably has a female in his ear telling him things. Always when they get a new female in their life they try to get the guy to step up but it is almost always a bad thing bc they don’t really care or want them it’s just bc someone is telling him to do it. Court will say no bc he hasn’t been there for years nor has he done his time with her like he should.
he is her father right??? Then allow him to eb her father, And if she want, let her change her last name, But warning, be VERY careful how to talk to her about her dad, even if you aren’t speaking to her about these things, (Kids to listening & hear a lot more than we think they do.) As for what you say, because, one day it might all back fire on you. Take it from one that has been there, My mother say NOTHING nice about my dad, even though he was the best, And he NEVER said one bad word about her to us, I hated her funking guts & I was more than happy when the bitch died.
If you both live in the same town allow her to have her father in her life. I think she should have her father’s family name. She needs some counseling to help her with the transition.
He could. If he has changed and has shown he has changed, it could happen. She is 9 and a schedule change is not going to destroy her life. She will be fine and she will get more time with her father.
Depending on your state mostly but probably not.
If you can show proof and documentation of his inconsistent visits and show how you have maintained her with a successful and safe family unit then you will win. If not he could.
Without knowing the initial history it is hard to judge anything from the past up until now. Did he move out of state? Did you move out of state and he moved closer now? Was he having to live there for work that he could not find close to you?
Aside from that though, if he is a fit father then your daughter deserve the time with him. Siblings or routine or whatever, that’s still her dad. She will develop a new routine and she will be just fine. She deserves a relationship with him just as much as she has with you. It is never too late to build that either. To fight him on this if he is fit is just wrong. She is also old enough that if she has issues once it starts, then she will be able to express those to a judge. For now though, if there are no safety concerns, let her get to know her dad more. She’s missed out on enough.
No… given the history of him being in and out of her life as a pattern. A smart judge should make him prove he is stable and responsible enough for a
50/50 agreement and just leave original arrangement in place until further hearing. As far as his last name being added. Judge might allow that.
As long as he pays for it and his the father he will get his way. My friend went through this and she had no say so.
I eouls get the very best attorney to represent you who has a lot of experience in this area and is familiar with local court system. I would discuss with your child exactly what the issues are with her name change and try to get an idea how she feels about changing her name after discussing it with an attorney first. If her father did not object to her name identification on her birth certificate originally I would be very surprised if a judge ordered a change to a new name. I erhaps the judge might discuss tge possible change with the child but I don’t really think her name would end up having his last name added. If he was nit interested initially seems like that would not be in his favor to disrupt your daughter’s life. Maybe your ex is getting older and realized what he was missing in his life. Perhaps he has already discussed the name change with your daughter and convinced her to change her name. She might be afraid to tell you. Sounds like he would like to have more control over life decisions for your daughter like where she goes to school and where she lives. I would be in touch with an attorney quickly to learn your rights. Has he paid child support on schedule in the past and taken an interest in her emotional and physical growth should be a consideration. Check his background carefully. Be sure he can be trusted to follow any new custody agreement. These days you never know if people run off and disappear with their child just as a punishment to an ex spouse. So a check.of criminal record, employment and dies he live with a significant other who is acceptable to serve as stepparent. It may all be on the up and up but don’t leave anything to chance. It depends on your state and who you get assigned to as a judge and the expertise of your attorney. Good luck to you and your daughter. Courts are not always fair . Try to find iut what your daughter wants but remember she is young and nit always the best judge of what is best for her. Seeing her for more time is not the same as giving up authority to make legal and medical decisions for your child. Be careful. Best of luck.
He should get joint custody but name change no
It sounds like he already has joint custody? If he is a good father, try not to stand in the way of him loving her. The more people in her life that love her, and want to be apart of it the better. If he truly is the biological father I don’t see the problem in hyphenating her name and when she’s old she can choose which to use.
He will win joint custody and having the name hyphenated. Judges will favor hyphenated last names to make both parents happy. I am against this but just telling you what the judges will do. If he didn’t already have a court order I would of lied and said he not the father to prolong the hearings.
The judge will give him just as much of a chance to show the courts that he is capable of being a joint custody father… might not happen the 1st court hearing but eventually the goal of the court is to have both parents be involved best interest of the child … is he can provide as safe place to sleep food and stability for himself then it is very possible things will become 50/50… that’s just been my experience… the past is the past and what a parent can providen in the present and for the future is all that matters. I would work on the contents parenting and start to accept it is a reality. If he isn’t a threat to her saftey … and he is a loving father then it could be a good thing… as for her name, she deserves to have her father’s name and know who she is in both ways… mom and dad. …
Save yourself a LOT of time and money and come up with a parenting plan to gradually increase visitation because yes he will get joint custody. Unless there is a legitimate reason you can prove that he is unsafe around your child- and even then it’s a toss up- he will get more visitation time. The name change- doubt it. Especially if he signed the birth certificate. Trust me, family court will make it worse.
More than likely he will get joint. He should in my opinion because she has two parents. She should have had his name from the start in my opinion. If he’s a decent father why would you not want him to have more time with her? I have four sons they deserve their babies as much as the Mama’s do…
Who knows about the name. But he has been consistent in her life, which the courts will see as favourable to granting joint custody. It seems like this is more you having an issue with letting her go than him actually being in her life.
I doubt the judge will change her name or do anything with it
Well, he’s the father and you are the mother obviously. 50/50 hunny. Your excuse and routine has nothing to do with what his rights are. She knows her father. You allow her to already be with him so now he’d like more time and it’s a problem. May God our judge do what’s right here.
Legally everything will need to be changed, social, scool/medical records , birth certificate etc… my sons dad asked for this. Judge told him no. My lawyer argued that this was already his established name since birth. My son was a baby when this happened as well. But you never know!
It’s unlikely the court will change her name. He will probably get more visitation time and joint legal
Change her identity now? After 9 years?
Be glad dad wants to be involved
I left my ex 16 years ago and he told me those weren’t his kids
He didn’t wanna see them or me ever again
Which didn’t hurt me that bad because he was abusive and pawned all the kids stuff games bikes etc and it didn’t really hurt the kids any either ( youngest was 13 other 2 were 15 ,17 so they were older ) then 4 years ago he found out I was in town and wanted to see the kids so we meet with him and the kids decided they want nothing to do with him. But the main thing is if he’s not abusive or anything Please let him have time with his daughter if that’s what they both want and let you’re daughter have say so bout last name change . Involve you’re ex and her in a talk . Always good to have a relationship with you’re dad and mom .
We need to stop using the word “winning” when it comes to custody of kids… Do what is best for the kids… Custody is not about “winning”… Do what is best… It is always best to have both parents… Equally…
My question is, why wouldn’t you want to share custody?
My sister had my nephew when she was 16 and my nephew had her maiden name. When he was 5 and my sister moved out on her own she went after his dad for child support and his dad wanted his last name changed( which would have made him a JR). Child support told her that if she didnt want to change his last name she didnt have to have it changed and there was nothing the dad could do about it.
You don’t have to change anything and don’t let him pressure you if you don’t want to. However he will probably get joint custody if everything checks out on his end. Start having her stay over with him more often so she can get use to splitting her time. If she doesn’t like it she can tell you.
I don’t see it happening. He hasn’t been constant since she was born. Judges really don’t like to disrupt a child’s life like that. The court order he already has will probably stay in place with no changes. He more than likely won’t get shared parenting just because of how it’s been since your daughter was born.
As for the name change that probably won’t happen either. After 9 years…really?
If he wanted shared parenting and her to have his last name then I guess he should’ve stepped up as a parent 9 years ago and did what he had to then. As a parent it’s your job to make sacrifices for your child, be constant in their lives, not be hopping around everywhere, etc.
I wouldn’t stress too much about it Momma I really don’t see either happening. You are the favorable parent here.
My understanding is that the name needs to be agreed on by both parties. As for custody, he will get joint custody.
If he has been inconsistent with visitation and only recently has become more so…this doesn’t mean it will continue. There is no reason to change custody to 50/50 because if he falls off the wagon again you will have to allow it anytime he wants, as long as it’s convenient for HIM. I would need to see a much longer path of consistency for visitation before I changed anything. This is most likely more about $ and trying to establish that you have equal time so he doesn’t have to pay. Once he gets it (if he does) I’m betting his visitation will fall off again and he won’t be paying support. This happened to me.
So he is fighting for custody, how many years has he been paying CS? Or has he even paid any? Obviously he isn’t on the BS, so therefore he can demand all he wants of change of name, but you are the only one that can do that!
Does your daughter want her name changed? Could ask her too how she feels about it. It’s her name. And so what if she’s 9. No that’s not too young to have a voice in that
You can name your child anything you want. It could be the first name you choose and any last name. There is no law stating the child has to have the same last name as either parent. It also doesn’t matter with school, insurance, benefits, anything like that. As long as the child’s legal name matches up. With that said, I wouldn’t think a judge would order the child’s name to be changed after 9 years. That’s her identity. As for custody/visitation, that’s a different story. There are some states that are “mother states” and they favor the mother. But in general, a court will not rule against a parent who wants to be involved, without reasonable cause. Dad living states away and only getting her on weekends, is not reasonable cause. If he has moved back to the area, and wants to be involved more with his child (assuming he’s not abusive, neglectful or a danger to the child) let him be involved. Do you have any idea how rare that is anymore? Most of the posts we see on here related to this topic are mothers complaining because the father wants nothing to do with the child or has nothing to do with the child. Don’t deny a father who is wanting to be involved. If he is, or is trying to be, a good dad, you two will work out a co-parenting plan and he will try to keep her on her schedule/routine as much as possible because that’s what will benefit her and she should be both his and your first priority.
Probably not changing her name…but will definitely be able to get visitation
Provide as MUCH proof as you can of inconsistent…and the need to not disrupt her schedule
not at this point; too confusing for the child
But, allow leniency…she should be allowed to develop a relationship with her Dad