Most likely he will just continue with standard custody since he’s been the unstable/inconsistent one. Courts aren’t big on disrupting stable homes. The name, I doubt he can force a name change on her or that a court would agree to it unless possibly if the child wants to. Basically he’ll just be wasting both of y’all’s money to retain a lawyer and put it before court. But honestly don’t let yourself worry about it too much as far as it going in your favor or not.
1 Like
I’d say no. Make sure you and your lawyer stay firm on it messing up her routine and the stable life she has been provided BY YOU!
Doesn’t he realize she may get married in the future and she might change her last name? Anyways he has to prove your unfit and right now it looks like the cards are stacked against him.
Happened to me. Dad made an attempt to see my girls and judges like children having 2 parents I their life, as Ling as there’s no danger to them. So he did get 50/50. My girls have my last name still tho
1 Like
I don’t know. My sons dad was able to get his oldest sons name changed to his at around 8 years old or so. Now he has full custody as well. He is a good dad now at least. May not happen in your case. Depends on the rules in your area, the judge, how serious he is about it.
Let your lawyer handle it. You will be fine.
If he’s the father and signed the birth certificate shouldn’t she have his last name anyway? As for him getting half custody it’s very well possible, my biological dad was a POS and he got visitation of me and my brother. He was always inconsistent.
1 Like
He wont win a thing.
1 Like
My guess would be no. It will be ruled in your favor and left as is. Children need stability in their lives. He can’t walk out and walk back in when he wishes. That’s not parenting.
1 Like
l get paid over $177 per hour working from home. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes over $18657 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.
M0re Info. https://amazingearning761.pages.dev/
You don’t have physical custody unless a judge has said so
2 Likes
I would say absolutely not to the name change. Whom would this benefit? Certainly not the child.
Since he hasn’t been a constant in the past I don’t think he has much of a leg to stand on for custody. He might get more visitation though.
Make sure you keep records of when he misses his visitation so that you can show the courts. Just a calendar is sufficient.
1 Like
If not married don’t have to change her name to his…name what you want…and he’s been in and out…is he current on support…all that’s considered
1 Like
Let me guess. He got anew gf who wants to play mommy. 
4 Likes
What does she want to do with her name? That’s what I would follow. She may want to have her dad’s name, in which case I wouldn’t fight it, but she may not and then I would fight it.
If dad is in town and wants to see her he should be allowed to.
1 Like
The real question should be…. What does your child want?
2 Likes
These questions are questions you should ask your attorney. Only they know what your legal chances are of retaining your current situation and what your legal grounds are in the state and/or area you are in. Your attorney will have a better idea of what your chances are and can provide way better insight to your specific situation.
From someone whos had divorced parents all my life and who is now a parent…I’d say she is old enough to choose what she wants to do and if she wants to hyphenate her last name that is up too her…it sounds like he is decently consistent in her life and the time he has with her so joint custody could be a good option if she wants to do that. He may have not been in a place at the time to provide as much as he could now whereas you could so it seems he is trying to do what’s best for her.
1 Like
Honestly proving the inconsistencies he’s had up until this point I could almost guarantee that he would not win joint custody.
1 Like
Hmm depends I know here to change the last name no matter what the person has to pay 500 for it to be done he might get visitations and shared 50 50 but it depends on where you stay where I am I have full custody of my kids due to dad not seeing them for 7 years he still has to pay child support though witch he never dose cause he doesn’t work but like I said it all depends on where you stay
I live in Indiana and if a father petitions for a name change it’s almost always awarded, especially if he is paying support and active in the child’s life. The fact that she’s 9 might make a difference but there is a good chance he could win. I understand she has a routine but if her father is trying to be more active in her life then there shouldn’t be a problem with it. You said he’s been active in her life the past few years so he’s been making an effort. Why not allow him that opportunity and her the opportunity to become closer with her father?
4 Likes
You don’t have to change her name. And if he’s not abusive…court will say “keep as 50/50”. However, keep record of marks, missed days, exchanged words. But I 
wonder…do you feel your child isn’t safe?
1 Like
He’ll most likely get joint custody. At that age I wouldn’t think they’d change her last name though
With his track record, I’d say no! My 2 grown kids have my last name! Stand your ground!
Sounds like he has been active for several years and is in no way a stranger to her. Ask her if she wants to spend more time at her dad’s house, maybe she said something to start this…. Sounds like he is trying and loves her. It’s not a bad thing even though it scares us as Moms to loosen the reigns on our kids to allow them to be ANYWHERE but with us! Let her decide though, don’t make a battle that she’ll resent you for later…. I know, easier said than done! Good Luck, Momma!
2 Likes
I mean it depends where you live and what stability the father can offer her. Does he work? Pay child support? Stable home?
In Missouri they recently passed a bill stating that custody hearings 50/50 split takes priority over maternal bond. So unless there is extenuating circumstances like drug addiction unemployment homelessness abuse etc the courts almost always go for 50/50 split now.
1 Like
You should be ashamed of. Yourself sounds like she actually has a father that wants to be in her life and is probably doing best he can you bitter angry women that think only about yourself is the reason men give up on seeing kids cause u make everything a big deal do u ever think how it must be for a father to only see his kids 4 nights or7 nights a month it’s hell for some men and yes she should have his name and that shouldn’t matter cause one day she’ll get married and it’ll change again he’s her dad and u should be happy he wants and is doing the best he can grow up 
2 Likes
The magic word judges love to use is “continuity”, until he has a longer record of dependable visitation I’d say you’re holding the winning hand in court, after a few more years of consistent and reliable visits he might have better odds for additional time
1 Like
I see nothing wrong with the child having both your names. He won’t get joint custody if you have solid proof he hasn’t been involved until recently. She has a stable home and you need to prove his unstabilty. That is all it takes for the judge to leave her where she is and continue his days but allowing more time if he and she want it outside of court papers with you being the custodial parent Compromising with his last name looks good on your end as coparenting. He is her and will be her dad for the rest of her life.
If it ain’t broke try one font fix it…I would say he trying to get out of child support! She has a safe house, on a regular routine and it would disrupt her and cause confusion
He will probably get joint custody but they more than likely will not change ur child’s name.
I wouldn’t change the child’s name. He just started following the complete order 3 weeks ago. A lot remains to be seen.
1 Like
l get paid over $177 per hour working from home. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes over $18657 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.
M0re Info. https://amazingearning775.pages.dev/
There are many factors. Does he live in the same school district? Does she have her own room at his house? Is he paying CS? Honestly I don’t see him getting joint custody. He gets her every other weekend and 1 day a week. How much more does he want her? He is just recently doing visitation correct so it’s constitent enough. I would go to court.
You would have to sign off on the name change.
Does he understand joint custody if 50/50…can he do all the school runs after school clubs etc? It’s unlikely he’ll get it if he isn’t able to facilitate their current commitments
He won’t win on the last name but he will probably get shared custody. Why was he out of state? For work? If he’s had been taking his weekends and recently an extra day, then he’s present in her life. Let him have his time. This is about your daughter and making sure she has ALL of her family in her life.
3 Likes
What did your Lawyer say??
2 Likes
The most he could even get now is every weekend but I’m doubtful he’d even get that right away. The courts would wanna see him making an effort to spend time with her. Judges do try for parents to do 50/50 because study’s have shown it’s good for kids but only when both parents put effort into the relationship with the child.
He might get something more than what he has but idk about joint. And I doubt about the name change.
I’ve seen name changes enforced and custody changed in favor of the dad. Hire a good lawyer.
Let him take you to court. Judges have made bad calls so nobody can predict what would happen. My guess is he won’t get joint custody because he hasn’t been consistent. Whether he’d be able to keep her in her school & on her routine would factor in too.
As the name the judge will ask her. Chances are if she says she doesn’t want it changed the judge won’t do it. But you could get a traditional judge that believes children should have their fathers name no matter what.
1 Like
For a change in custody there has to be a major change in circumstance and I don’t see that here.
1 Like
No he will not win. He waited too long and the court will tell him it’s too late. They mimic what the child has been used to and she’s 9. He’s had plenty of time to get a parenting plan. He may have rights to the last name that’s if he’s had a paternity test filed and if not he will have to get one to prove it’s his child to the court.
1 Like
If he’s proving that he wants to see her why are you fighting him in court … he is her father right. She may even want more time with her dad! I dont understand why woman keep children from their dads for no reason.
Its his fault he missed out in the past. But he did nothing serious to loose his rights.
Don’t you think it would be healthy for your daughter to have a proper relationship with her dad. Being a co parent is important no matter all your personal feelings you have about him
6 Likes
I do think he could win a name change ,and also joint custody. He moved back to where “home is” making the change in circumstance needed to get the case in court. I didnt see where he was even asking for anything else .alot of people ran away with this question.
You have nothing to worry about!
You can fight it in court, with the lawyer, and claim abandonment.
If hes not a drug addicted, abusive or mentally unstable person, why would you not want him in her life half the time. Hes trying, it doesnt sound like hes asking to take her away 100% and asking for the last name hyphenated, seems fair, you could say your last name goes last. He is also her parent. Why not try and work something out of court and waste that money, give him a trail run for a bit, see how it goes. We clearly dont know the whole story but what hes asking for is fair. Also you chose to have a child with this person, so dont shoo him away now when he wants to spend time with his kid. Courts want BOTH biological parents involved if there arent any dangerous factors to the child.
3 Likes
I don’t know your state. Some states, like California, literally bend over backwards to accommodate nonparticipating dads. There’s even a group of attorneys who only accept dads as clients.
Now that this is out of the way, I am glad you hired an attorney. Your attorney will guide you. It costs each time your attorney does work for you, but do ask your attorney your specific questions.
Many courts ask the child if she wants her name changed. Have you asked her? Would she like to be adopted by your current husband? Is that an option? She might like to have the same last name as her siblings and then again, it may not matter to her.
In many states, custody and paying child support are two different things. In other words, you cannot require he get his child support current for visitation and custody. You might ask the court for child support now that he is demanding custody, if he hasn’t paid before. You might ask that he cover medical and dental, if he hasn’t done that before. If he is paying child support, this may be a ploy to get that discontinued. Your family household income will be used as will his. If he isn’t living with anyone, his income may be less than yours and that could lead to you paying him CS or it being a wash. Not all states look at this the same.
Watch out for the Disneyland Dad thing where the bio dad gets her everything her heart desires in an effort to buy her favor. Kids have short term memory and seek instant gratification.
You might want to get her into counselling but please (!) speak with your attorney before you do this. The counsellor would be used to establish the balance and structure you provide in your home. If there is jealously with the second family, that would come out and have to be explained to the court (new baby), so please talk to your attorney before you accept any advice you see here.
Without knowing your state and whether the courts there favor moms having custody, I can’t give you odds on his success. If you are in California or a similar state, it is a possibility. The court may want to know his work history, if he is in the state permanently, if he lives in your daughter’s school district, if he can take her to the activities she already participates in.
My ex had my social security number and he and his wife routinely made my life miserable in a variety of ways every few years when they would take me back to court for custody. I don’t know if you and the bio dad have a good relationship or not. Just be careful.
I hope everything goes your way. Please: Follow your attorney’s advice. I doubt if anyone who responds here is licensed to practice in your state.
1 Like
Ask him to wait one year and ask what she wants… it is her name after all 
If he is stable, has income to provide for her while she’s in his car, and he has a safe environment for her to be in, he would probably win joint custody. Obviously he’s not a horrible person if you’ve been letting her go to him on weekends recently, and he’s trying to be more involved so why wouldn’t you want to share custody with him? As far as his past, some people aren’t able to be the parent they want to be for whatever reason. Now he’s making an effort
2 Likes
The legal answer may depend on the jurisdiction, as laws vary from state to state.
The child has the right to carry her father’s name
It all depends on the judge and the circumstances of the case. No one can tell you for certain with the limited information provided.
1 Like
He will be granted the name change, and joint custody! He has every right to his daughter as you do. Sounds to me he has always been in contact with her so, I think you should relax and let their relationship blossom more.
Sounds ridiculous but I’m no expert. I’d get a lawyer just to be on the safe side.
Usually in family court they will not change custody if thr child is thriving mentally. Physically, and is well adjusted. U want Legal n physical custody right??? Please know far ahead of time exactly what your asking 4 in court. If u can get any letters from her Dr, teachers, or church saying she’s absolutely Thriving under your care you should do well in court! The letters saved us when I got divorced. Prayers Momma🙏
He probably will not win on the last name.…. it might depend on ur daughter, have you asked her if she would like to add it on???
 and yes he will probably get joint custody, there’s no reason for him not to… but you do you to make sure that you get full legal custody. That’s where you get to make all the decisions legally and medically, The fact you’re remarried and that she has siblings in a routine doesn’t mean nothing to be quite honest because the courts look at the fact that her father is back into town and he does want to be part of her life. This is your chance to set the example and set the bar of what type of coparenting you want to have with him… The best kind is absolutely where you guys can sit down and discuss, and put your daughter first this is about HER not you, You should be extremely happy for your daughter that her father wants to be in her life and she has A stepdad too that’s freaking awesome!!!
I don’t understand why you have to go to court this is stuff that can be talked about and handled outside of court… 
2 Likes
Does he pay child support regurlarly?
1 Like
If he’s a good person and fit to be a parent why doesn’t he deserve as much time as you?
5 Likes
Maybe ask your daughter…I mean she’s old enough to understand what’s going on and at least be involved in the decision process. Here’s the thing…if he’s present and willing to be a dad, why not let him? If he’s never done anything to jeopardize your daughter…if he’s not an addict, or a bad person…why even question it?
I think you should talk to your daughter and husband, and then speak to your attorney. Best thing you can do is involve your daughter and give her the power to make a choice.
5 Likes
What does your 9 year old daughter want?
1 Like
Some of the things I’ve seen written here is crazy. He’s been in and out of state her whole nine years of life. He’s only back in right now, who’s to say he won’t up and move again? She’s not saying she doesn’t want him involved in her life. She just doesn’t want to change her child’s life and then he ups and moves again. As far as the name change that’s something he should have made clear before she was born. It’s not just “oh hey here’s your name change” now she has to start remembering to write it in school and every document she has would have to be changed (ssc, medical, etc). He’s not thinking about the child, he’s thinking about himself.
7 Likes
Joint custody gives him permission to leave state with her. 
1 Like
The legal name change is preposterous. This is not for the benefit of the child and through your attorney since your child has stated she doesn’t want her name changed that should go away. As far as visitation and custody, he may be able to get more time with her. This could be something positive, yes a change too. You could as some have suggested to get doctors, teachers, to write that your daughter is thriving and well adjusted, in any event that her situation changes due to increased time with her father that could help in court if that ever occurs.
As far as her medical decisions and her primary home and any legal decisions, I think you should fight and will most likely win due to him being in and out of her life.
I have a court order asked for by the father and he does not even abide by it. He never sees his girls and they are amazing. I was young and did not know what I was doing. I do have full legal custody of my kids and he does have visitation rights, but he is too busy for them.
Today i made $ 587 for doing work in part time. my friend has been making $ 18357 from this and she convinced me to try so i am now making more than her. its amazing.
Open this>>> https://supercashincome23.pages.dev/
1 Like
I wouldn’t think so given the fact you guys were never married .
2 Likes
Is he a good Dad?.. why say no?
1 Like
I don’t think your daughter should have his name Only if she wants his name. All this time your daughter name didn’t matter to him. Why
Now ? If he decides to move again than what ? He was never a stable dad being in and out for so long. I would not agree to that. And don’t let him be 50/50 on custody. He can take the child and leave with the child if he has just as much custody. Do not let this man fool. Besides he will most likely not have to pay child support if custody is 50/50.
1 Like
Listen to your daughter,keep her name the way it is.Her dad can still see her.Good luck.
Nope! Make sure you take history of visits it’s you.
1 Like
He’ll no iwould not allow it to happen hope it goes well
Nope. After 9 (NINE ???) Years, nope. He gets visitation and is lucky to have that. He does NOT get to change her name… that is something SHE may decide to do after age 18, if she wishes. I hope your child support comes in regularly, or if not, report it. Try, try to be civil. Good luck
3 Likes
I would recommend weekends and maybe summer holidays. During school term it can actually be benefitial for her to stay with you and her siblings as is quite ruff to be one week in a different place. Maybe once she is older like 12/13 would be different. Is just too much hassle with 
, school stuff,etc… while she is still quite young and needs your support.
However, I would asked her what she wants. Maybe that’s the best way to go about it. As the father was absent for such a long time, probably he wants to make up for that loss over the years. However, the custody needs to be made according to their needs and in a way that it will not disrupt her routine.
1 Like
I doubt anything we say will help since courts laws and judges are all different… and Imwe don’t know your situation in detail…. But given history I think you’ll have a good chance of you winning especially if you kept receipts (texts,agreements,days he actually came and didn’t come-things like this. Always keep the receipt!!.)
I hope this ends well for you and your child.
1 Like
Ask her what name she wants
Idk about the name change. She is well past being established by her current name so judge may not allow change…BUT if it is too hyphenate, it could still happen.
As for custody…yes he has a good chance at ending up with 50/50 or at least a bunch more time with her now that he’s moved back into town. It is in her best interests to have both parents equally involved in her life. The courts now lean much more towards 50/50 than they did even 10 years ago, as long as both parents are stable.
Ask her if she wants to change her name. They will most likely take her thoughts on the matter more serious than yours. Explain to her what it would mean for everything. I would hope they wouldn’t just agree to it because she is 9 and in school and knows her name etc. And he hasn’t been consistent in her life so forcing her to take his last name would be wrong. Maybe after he showed some stability. But he will most likely get joint custody but possibly not at the first hearing. If you prove that he hasn’t been consistent or a stable figure in her life then they may prolong it so he can be stable then up his visitation. Keep notes on any days he misses, is late picking her up etc. He may have changed and this may be good for her. You never know. Good luck.
How about ask your child not everyone else ?
1 Like
No stay with full custody.
2 Likes
Changing her name at 9 years old for her is a complete change in her entire life with school and etc. that’s not a choice he should be able to make. That’s just confusing to her in my opinion. But as far as joint custody goes. I have to say, yes a judge would give that to him if he is fit. They always want both parents to have custody. But there is info I would gather as in your wishes because that can also be looked at as far as holidays, child support etc. if she doesn’t want anything to change, he should respect this and he’s not looking in her best interest but his if this isn’t something your daughter wants.
Sorry you have to go through this. I think it’s sad for her when youve supported her this whole time and then poof he thinks he can just pop in permanently when he was so inconsistent before.
4 Likes
Yes he does have the chance of getting both of these things. He’s always been in the child’s life and the court will look at what’s best for the child as it’s the child’s rights they look at. Now he lives in town 50/50 custody is durable
2 Likes
She has your name? If his name is not on birth certificate he needs DNA to prove he is the father. If he is he has a right to be involved. She needs that relationship.
1 Like
Yes he has a good chance. The law was updated in may to automatically give 50/50 if he’s been involved and can show he can be and even being married doesn’t mean he loses his right to have his name included.
1 Like
The way the courts are moving, this could take a couple years so she’d probably be 12 before anything gets decided and at 12 she gets a say in who she wants to live with more anyway.
1 Like
Why would you have a problem with your daughter spending more time with her dad? That’s the real question here.
6 Likes
No way on the joint custody that means you lose half of everything no child support he gets to decide half of everything about her life about the last name was a judge decide that you didn’t say if he paid child support or not but if he doesn’t he gets joint custody he won’t have to when you have joint custody no one pays support and I don’t think that’s fair to your new husband why should he have to support your daughter and her father want her to have his name let him pay support keep everything the way it is you going to have to go to court I can see that now but don’t give up custody of your daughter and about the last name let the judge decide it
1 Like
She should have been given her father’s last name at birth. I’ve been through this. Her last name will match yours until you marry. Then she’ll be the only one in the house with her mother’s maiden name. My daughters mom named her with her maiden name become we was both scared and young at the time but she later changed our daughters name to my last name on her on and wouldn’t let me help pay for the change. She said it was the right thing to do and what she should have done when she was born. It was the most humbling and prideful days of my life.
I have my dad’s last name and he was garbage but he was still my father.
No matter what you do or don’t do he will always be her father. He might not be daddy but he is the father and without him you wouldn’t have her.
5 Likes
If he’s not a complete dickhead and I’m not talking about the relationship you had with him. Then let her make her own mind up after she’s spent time with him. It’s hard trying to sort out what’s best, maybe try counseling? Non threatening discussion with ex maybe helpful? Get your fears across and try and compromise? You can only give it a go. I don’t know the ins and outs so I maybe way off, either way, tough road ahead.
My older sister had my moms last name until she was 15 or 16 and her dad fought to have it changed to his last name. Since he was the named father on the birth certificate they granted it. Every case is different though
1 Like
He should wait until she is twelve, Let her make the decision and then her wishes should be honored. No one knows the mind of a child.
1 Like
Not sure about the name but yes he has every chance of being joint custody. It might take a while but yes, if he proves he’s trying, the point of the family court is to try keep both parents in the child’s life.
Just make sure you keep opinions and remarks away from your child. It gets back to the court, won’t look good for you.
There’s a good chance he could win. He certainly doesn’t sound like a dead beat dad. So unless he’s done something negative things could go his way
3 Likes
Don’t change her name he had his chance 9 years ago
5 Likes
I think it sucks it took him so long to grow up and be a father but I think if he’s a good dad and is really stepping up it’s a strong possibility he could gain more custody, maybe right away, maybe over time. I highly doubt the name change would be approved if she didn’t want it.
1 Like
Has he paid child support? Has he ever recognized her birthday, or holidays. Has he supported her medical bills and /or provided health insurance? I would ask for all those things to become consistant along with consistant visitations before I would ever consider joint custody. He cannot be allowed to just pop in and out and use her for a tax deduction every other year. It’s great that he is finally making an effort. But you have to make sure the effort is for her benefit, not his.
4 Likes
It sounds like he heard that if he can get 50/50 he doesn’t have to pay child support 
5 Likes
He’s her father. Let him be her father!
He is Trying … I my opinion, to be a Father!
4 Likes