12 year old daughter started her first menstrual period at school this morning but Dad told her I could not come pick her up from school until after he get off work because it is “his parenting time until tomorrow.” What are your thoughts?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Daughter started her period, and her dad won't let me come get her
it’s his parenting time, he should be able to handle it. And there’s no need to pick her up for school for it. why would that be a thing? Sure if you need to run something to her i guess.
my mom was in texas when i started. If my daughter is with their dad when she starts then it is what it is. When we’re not with the other parent sometimes they get the first and we just have to accept that. And i coparent well with my ex
I started my period for the first time while on summer break visiting my dad when I was 15. I don’t know her relationship with her dad but my dad was awesome. He went out and bought me what I needed and when I had an accident he didn’t make me feel embarrassed, he just told me what to do and we did laundry and figured it out. But my dad is one of my best friends as is my mom so I lucked out.
It all depends on whether or not ur daughter needs her mom, but I also think it’s a bit mean he’s not letting u see her to check she’s OK even if it was only for a hour, I mean some things a girl won’t tell her dad but she would tell her mom
His the dad and can also deal with this stage of her life and support his daughter. Unless the daughter asked for her mom and the dads refused. Then I’d see the problem. But if not. I don’t see the problem? The dad has as much rights as the mom does. Let him be a dad and help her. There’s so many shit dads. (Even some mom’s) Be Greatful he wants to know and actually gets involved. I lived with my dad through everything. It didn’t hurt me.
It’s a period… who cares. If the 12 year old is comfortable with it and her dad, as she should be, no need for mom.
There are exceptions to this for sure and this is one of them. A daughter needs her mother when she gets her period the 1st time. For explanations, chit chat, ice cream, what have you. This was just selfish on his part. Getting her from school is just fine. She’s not failing bc of this 1 day. I didn’t wanna be in school when I got mine the 1st time. I just felt icky and not well at all.
I grew up with just my dad and I can 100% say it was awkward for my dad to answer questions etc because he didn’t understand- as much as he tried to be there for me he didn’t understand so much that he let us turn to the women figure closet in our lives at the time ( our aunt and grandmothers )
So I disagree, I would have went but also would’ve informed the dad that he can keep her until tomrorow since it’s his parenting time, but that’s youd like at least an hour with her to go to the store to by these products, and explain these products and to buy something for her to carry them to school in. So that she fully understands everything 100% ( for example if you let her use tampons that she can’t leave them in forever etc ) or anything about pads… those things are important!!
If she doesn’t have what she needs there or is bleeding thru her clothes, I would just either bring her some clean clothes and the pads/tampons whatever she uses now if this is her first period then i would go get her. U guys can argue about it when he picks her up after school or work. Plus if he took this to court depending on the situation the judge wound prob just throw this out anyways.
Normally I would say let him handle it because he is going to have to at some point but being her first one, I dunno! The first time it happened to me I was so scared, she may feel that way as well and needs someone for comfort. I probably would call the school, explain the situation and at least let you bring her some things and maybe a hug or two for support.
I was at my dads when I got my 1st period and his wife at the time helped me. I was ok being there because his wife helped, im not surenid have been comfortable talking to my dad about it x
Her school day shouldn’t be interrupted, due to something that’s completely normal. Have you not had the talk with her? And made sure she was ready, or almost ready? It is dad’s time. Although, this isn’t about either one of you. He shouldn’t lose his parenting time. He can be there for her too. He needs to learn what to do, and all that etc. He’s her parent also. She needs to be put first.
Wow all these women bashing on the dad. Clearly they have this strict of a parenting plan for a reason. That doesn’t mean mom can’t bring a bag to the school for her and talk with her about everything and have special time when she gets her the next day.
Single fathers have to handle the responsibility too. I understand why you wish to pick her up,but he is her father too and should have the opportunity to ensure both your daughter he can take care of her during this time as well. Try and see his side and be thankful he is trying. Many fathers don’t.
She can go to the office and get menstrual stuff from the counselor and even a change of clothes. Usually counselors have to provide essentials in case parents don’t. If I were you, I’d send a little bag with her emergency necessities like pads, menstrual medicine and maybe an extra change of underwear and pants in case this happens again.
When i stared my period at school my mother had passed away so my dad being my only parent had to get me at school and take me to the drug store
Let him be a parent. He feels capable… let him prove himself.
Let her decide what she wants to do. She’s old enough.
What does the daughter want? Isn’t that what matters?
If she’s got a message to her Mum about it then she obviously needs her Mum for this moment.
It’s not about parenting orders or who can do it better. It’s about what this young lady needs for this moment. Something that she will probably remember forever.
Honestly, if he was a real man he would understand that his daughter needs her mother during those sort of times. He’s not a woman therefore he cannot properly know what to do or give the daughter the guidance she needs. Not just physically, but Emotionally and mentally as well.
Just because it’s his “parenting time” does not mean anything. You alternate days/weeks for a reason. It hurts absolutely nothing to switch it up and make it work for all 3 of them. If that can’t be worked out between the parents civilly, then attorneys should be involved to come to a solution for situations such as this.
To me it’s absolutely selfish of the father. You have to put the child first over anything.
If dad can’t see about it right then and there then go. Your daughter shouldn’t have to stay in bloody clothes because her dad can’t get off work. Go get your girl.
I’d put my daughters feelings into consideration. At 25 every month when I get my period I get overwhelming upset knowing i’m PMSing imagine a young girls FIRST period… in school. Regardless if shes educated or not, shes gonna want her momma, ice cream, a bath and a nap. The dad is fully capable to deal with it, but at the end of the day if I was in the 12 year olds situation, i’d want to be home with my mom.
If the school nurse was able to help her through it, I’d let it be unless the nurse requested someone to pick her up. Then “Dad” may have to suck a phat one. Otherwise it would be abuse/neglect. If it’s “Dads” parenting time try n respect that, but ultimately daughter comes first and is old enough to be in school nurses care, unless she needed to change or had embarrassment from it. Depends on how she was able to handle it as well… welcome to the rest of your life. Lol
He should understand that she needs her mom at a time like that. How many periods has he been through in his life? No experience in this department I’m sure .
So disgusting that he’s childish like that. Go get her, if it’s her first time she needs emotional support. She will remember you were always there for her no matter what.
Yikes! Its the daughter that has needs to be met! If she needs clean clothes ,supplies and reassurance then go to the school!
Daughters need their moms for certain things… starting her period being one of the most important things! Why would you even question this… your kids come first ALWAYS. Let her father be inconsiderate and go get your daughter.
Take her the stuff she needs if she doesn’t have it but it’s no reason she needs to be pulled outta school
I’m pretty sure the school nurse would have what she needs ,and school nurse would be able to answer any questions, but the mom really should have prepared her daughter for when this day came.
I don’t think there’s enough information here to be judgmental about either parent. I hope they had prepared her for this and dad was able to do for her what was needed if so mom will be fine
This is very inconsiderate on his part. Maybe just pick up what she needs instead and make a little care package and write her a sweet note and bring it to school and leave at greeter for her have her call u when she can.
Sorry but I don’t see it as a bad thing.
- No need to take her out of school.
- If it’s his time it is his time. Respect each other’s time.
Maybe you should just wait till she gets back.
Not sure why you need to be involved. Dad knows about periods right? Lol
When I got mine for the first time I had my mom tell my dad cause I couldn’t…so I know how she feels…my parents were divorced…some girls don’t feel comfortable talking with their dads bout these kind of things
Ok reading a lot of your comments…
Firstly I’d drop what she needed to school. Pads, a change of clothes, wet wipes etc
However as a solo parent I have prepped for lots of things KNOWING I might not be there when they happen. Prepare your kids to face this stuff. Especially if your in a situation where the other parent will be responsible when this stuff happens.
No she probably won’t want to talk this stuff with dad. No he probably won’t have a clue what to do. BUT that’s his time to screw up and we have to let dads learn from their mistakes. We as mums can only be the best we can in OUR time with the kids.
Chalk it up to experience and be prepared for the nice milestone, so they have the skills and education to face it when you can’t be there.
Sounds like it’s time to ask the kid what she would like to do. She is 12. She has an opinion.
Most girls are embarrassed even if they have been educated about getting their period. Mom should have helped her ,then taken her back to her dad. Parent’s stop using your kids to hurt each other
Tell him she needs feminine protection NOW, can’t wait another 3 hours. Bleeding doesn’t stop! Where does he think it’s going to go. Tell her he needs to go get her some pads, then go to the school, either pick her up if she needs to change clothes, or give her 2 or 3 pads. She can stick them in her bag or back pockets
Can the mom not visit and with dad explain things? It is his parenting time and he should be able to handle this.
I want to know how many women went to their dads to explain periods, how to apply pads, how to insert tampons, etc.? I would’ve literally went to any other female before I went to my dad and my dad and I are close… But we ain’t that close. I want another woman to talk to. I didn’t even want my dad to know I had started my period. That is just too cringe for me!
I saw good for him!! That is a proper dad stepping up! Too many men/fathers run away from these can of things xx
Let the dad handle it. It’s called coparenting. He’s her dad. Give him a chance.
I think he is clueless. I would pick her up after school and talk to him about the importance of mama time during this time in her life. If he doesn’t understand this, buy him a book.
Nope this life event is too important. A girl needs the person she wants most.
Maybe you could go get her and just spend the day with her and then take her back home to dad so he can still have his time?
Is she asking for you? If so, document incidents like these. Idk how it is in your state but things like this matter in court. He isn’t thinking what’s best for the children you two have together. All you can do is hope he is being sensitive to her needs
Its his time he’s right for you to go get her periods are normal
I think you should both grow up. It should be who your daughter wants and is comfortable with during her first period.
He’s not a woman so he will never understand. I would go get her bc what if she needs supplies? He’s not female so he doesn’t know all about that stuff. Not every girl has her period at that age so it’s not like she can count on her friends for supplies. Like, what if she needs new pants and underwear
Dads and Moms will just have to learn to deal with all problems concerning daughters and sons!!
That’s just the nature of divorce!!
Idk bout y’all but I didn’t wanna talk about my period to mom much less “bond” over it lol. It’s awkward no matter what and believe it or not dads have the ability to help
Go drop everything she needs at the office at school… clothing pads whatever and she can fix her stuff up… u are atleast helping might feel better
The menstrual cycle is a normal thing. He isn’t wrong.
And then we complain when dads dont want to take on responsibilties for their kids🙄
Try asking him if you can see her for an hour or two and talk to her about it and bring a few things since it would be during his time and it’s a big change. There’s things as a woman (since you have the experience) that you can better explain and answer than he can about cramps, feminine products, flow, regularity, etc.
Offer to switch some parenting time, he shouldn’t have to forfeit his time
What does your daughter want ? If I were you, I would let her choose.
Why would you go pick her up? It’s his time. He can handle it.
Dad needs to take his butt up there then
Aww hell no i go my daughter there are some things that only a mom can make ok!!! He must be one of them
I’d go pick her up anyways. Get little zipper makeup bag and put all the feminine hygiene stuff in it and have her put it in her back pack
Dad is capable of handling the situation.
He needs to put his daughters needs above his fragile ego
No reason she has to go home from school…
Let it be call her tell her what to do. Tomorrow is your day
Just go the last thing your daughter needs is a guy to help with her period
I wish my mom took me out of school when I got my period lmfao
F what he says thats your daughter she needs you… go get her.
I got sick and threw up and dadd to come an me home
Hes a dad and can deal with a period just as well mom
Uhhh when I got my period I didn’t want to talk to my dad about ANYTHING period related. At all. Embarrassing. I think they should ask the daughter if she wants her mom. Period. Its not about mom or dad time. It’s about their daughter starting her period and how she feels or what SHE wants. You’re both being kind of ridiculous tbh.
Disgusting he has no idea what that’s like for the first time
All I know for sure is that when I first got my period yes my parents discussed and prepared me for 5 coming but I felt like shit I I had horrible cramps and bled heavy and no amount of talking prepared me for it so I can understand wanting to take her home the first day especially if she’s not feeling great I don’t think that makes you selfish as long as he’s willing to go get her if she’s not feeling good and then maybe you can talk to her and you guys can figure out what to do between the three of you
Why would she need to be picked up from school?! The nurse has any products she needs I’m sure. If she needs a change of clothes, drop them off. She is going to go through this for many more years and won’t always be able to get taken from school, work or wherever because of it.
I would just get her and once school lets out take her to his house until his time is over
Do what your gut is telling you to do
Uhmmm my first period , I wanted to be around my mother
I don’t blame her for wanting to get her daughter …
she jus wanna make sure she’s good
I will just put it right out there. This child is 12 years old and at 13 she can carry it back to court and with the daughter testifying, he could get his visitation lessened. The mother is not being highly controlling. Most daughters want their mother at this time. This won’t look good for the father when he is taken back to court.
He’s bitter from whatever happened between y’all two and needs to think about your daughters needs first.
I lived with my dad when I started my first period and he bought me everything I needed and talked to me about everything…why would you need to get her? Men know about periods to …
People are ridiculous. It’s just a period?? I guarantee you didn’t think that way as a child and the 1st time you got yours. There are questions and unknowns, adults still have questions about their periods. Why not be with the parent who has actually had periods and can help answer those questions? It’s not just a period when you first start and are just a kid.
If she wants you right now, it’s ignorant.
If the daughter wants her mom then dad is just being a controlling jerk. If daughter can handle it then mom as hard as it is needs to back off a little
Thr daughter probably wants her mother at this time. Not her dad. How awful. He is choosing himself over his daughter. Selfish and inconsiderate.
Um, no. Thats a medical emergency. Go get her.
If he isnt available to get her, you are legally obligated to get her.
He is being an asshole! Periods goes along with emotions. A 12yr old is still a child and even if they prepared her with the talks and matetial things…nobody can prepare her for what she will be feeling! And have you ever seen a man handle a woman well when it is “that time of the month”? If they have accepted it as a normal part of life…there wouldn’t be so many unpleasant, tasteless jokes going around!Sounds like this guy is full of himself anyway! Its more about what hìs rights with his child is, than what is the best for the girl on that moment!
Unless dad’s willing to get his daughter, as well as necessary hygiene and chocolate, then he’s being a selfish asshole who’s definitely not thinking about his child’s needs first.
Man, so many petty women here.
I remember when I started my first period. The first person that was there for me was my sister. I wanted to tell my mom but she beat me to it, so I never got that “joy” and “mother/daughter” time and the shopping it came with.
To the OP: This is your daughter’s first period. Pull her ass out of school and take her shopping and talk to her.
Talk to the dad too. Explain that this is one of the “firsts” and you want to be the one to be there for your daughter and try to switch days. Tell him that you can get her today (on his day) and he can get her tomorrow (on your day) or let have her for a few days since you know how she’ll be cramping (and he doesn’t know how that feels bc he’s a man) and you’ll let him have her when she’s better. Tell him that you’ve been waiting for this day to come and want to take her on her first “woman” shopping. If he can’t or won’t understand that, then he’s just being a dick to spite you.
Why would you need to go get her from school?
She just needs anything she may need and send her back on her way.
Change of clothes and products.
He’s a dad: he’s going to have to get use to this, if he’s not already. I mean, he had to deal with you. it’s his time so let him take care of it.
Well is he gonna set and ease her mind, explain to her whats gonna happen now and also later. Sounds to me like he’s doing it for spite.
I really can’t believe the women who have commented on this. Such insensitive people. I hate to think all these women’s daughters when they first start their cycle, if they’re at school especially. Omg! I’m just shocked more women don’t say something different. Seriously
He’s a JERK!!! Obviously he has NO idea or compassion on how that affects a girl at that time!!!
Does daughter want you to come get her? It should be daughters choice at age 12 and being in an uncomfortable position.
Does she want to go with you or does she feel comfortable with her dad?
How is he going to stop you from picking her up from school? As someone who started her period during school PICK HER UP
Dumb dad, what’s wrong with him, children come first
Let her decide what she wants to do she’s old enough to know.
I hate how some of you all think it’s automatically not a dad thing… He did what the court order says. Go him
That u married a selfish egotistical idiot the first time
“Let you” since when does a man get a say in something like that? Fuck him!!!