My 3 year old is autistic. It’s not something you did wrong, it’s how baby developed in the womb.
To say that ur first child was born perfect in every way, implies that this child with autism isn’t perfect. She is. Autism doesn’t mean anythings wrong with her. Shes just different than your other child. Its the way she was born. Love her unconditionally. That’s what you do as a parent.
84 Likes
I don’t think she was implying that her daughter is less than just that they’ve never had any issues with him, just poor word choice in a moment of distress.
11 Likes
What you ARE doing WRONG is calling your son perfect and discrediting your daughter because of her autism. What a shame!
I really hope that you are not saying things like this infront of your children or where they can overhear you saying this to someone else.
Hopefully your son doesn’t grow up being superficial, judgemental and showing obvious favoritism over his own children.
12 Likes
I have 15 y.o son who has autism. Both myself and my husband blamed ourselves for years. It took a very special teacher and my doctor to finally help my way of thinking, to know and understand that we didn’t do anything wrong. So please don’t blame yourself.
11 Likes
You need to check the language you are using. No child is perfect. And it comes across as if you think your daughter is highly flawed due to autism. That is what your doing wrong. You didn’t cause her to have autism. But keep that language and I’m going to assume attitude towards them and you will cause her, well both of them, a lot of harm
11 Likes
You did nothing wrong. I was an autism teacher. Get your daughter started in education programs asap. You can call the school she would attend if she were in kindergarten. The special Ed director will get you started right away.
7 Likes
You have done nothing wrong. Having autism makes your daughter no less perfect. Two of my younger brothers are autistic and whilst it has presented it’s difficulties, it is part of who they are and they are both growing into amazing gentlemen and I wouldn’t wish them any other way. It is great that you had the diagnosis so soon and it sounds like you are doing great in helping accommodate her needs, don’t worry, keep loving her the way you do and she will be fine 
if you ever struggle there are numerous groups that can assist. All the best to your family.
5 Likes
Autism is something you are born with or without. You did nothing to cause it and could do nothing different to make it better. Catching it as early as you have is very positive. You can start giving her tools to live a more stable lifestyle. My daughter wasn’t diagnosed with Autism until she was 3. But having that diagnosis gave us the tools to learn how she works and help her deal with the day to day. Look into Early Childhood Intervention for help. They can help until your child can be sent to preschool with therapies and things like that.
4 Likes
I had my first 30 weeks he got diagnosed with autism at 2 years of age he’s now 16 in college has a job and is coping extremely well
I had my second at 34 weeks he has a few issues nothing diagnosed though
I had my 3rd at 39 weeks so full term she’s just been diagnosed with autism at 10 years of age
I had my 4th at 27 weeks she’s a perfectly happy 8 year old now
Every pregnancy is different and please don’t feel like you have done anything wrong or could have done anything different
Autism is neurological and you are born with it xxx
7 Likes
Wow, this is pretty disturbing to read. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being autistic. Calling your son perfect and implying your daughter isn’t simply because she isn’t neurotypical is really screwed up. There’s no way to avoid autism, it’s how people are born, it’s in their dna. There’s nothing wrong with your daughter, what’s wrong is your view of autism and believe that it’s wrong and should be avoided at all costs. The fact that you don’t want a third child because they might be autistic means you shouldn’t have a child because it shows the love isn’t unconditional. I suggest you really educate yourself on autism and change your frame of mind. And my heart goes out to your daughter if you ever say anything like this in front of her, she’ll feel broken and wrong and she isn’t.
3 Likes
Both your children are perfect you mean? Autism doesn’t make her any less perfect. She just sees the world in a different way to you. Not a judgement just a statement.
My daughter was born with Down’s syndrome and I too questioned had I done something wrong in pregnancy, but these things just happen. Being a parent to a Child with additional needs has its challenges but I do believe they make us better people.
There are so many autistic support groups on Facebook, reach out and connect with a few parents that once felt/ feel the way you do now. Can I just say your doing an amazing job with therapies and home engagement, your doing what u can so don’t be hard on yourself.
3 Likes
My son just turned 2, we’re on our way to get him diagnosed in the next couple weeks. We’re already in Early Steps Therapy. I noticed after his first birthday he definitely gradually began to change and then around 15-16 months I just had that Mom gut feeling. We had a perfect pregnancy, we had a perfect natural labor and delivery, no drugs, no complications, but he did come about 2 weeks early though. My Husband actually thinks he may also be on the spectrum, we’ve decided that if our boy get diagnosed then he will also go get evaluated. I think you’re doing the best thing you can in making sure she gets the therapy and extra help they need and also you need. Take this opportunity to enjoy and treasure what she has to offer, no we don’t get the “Hi Mom” but we get the special loving way they communicate, I just know our boy and I know he’s so loving, even when we get that rare eye contact, his eyes speak 100 words. Our boy will rarely engage us to play but he always wants to snuggle right into me, and I adore that. I think to fully accept and enjoy this process you have to stop asking yourself “what did I do wrong or even what they did”, you can’t do that because the only things you will get out of that is more heartache and it will one day rub off on her, even if you don’t mean it to. As the parents, they rely on us to be their most supportive advocate no matter what it is. I truly believe there is nothing wrong with our children, we just have to learn their way. Without Autism, my boy wouldn’t be who he is and he truly is a blessing.
2 Likes
Autism doesn’t mean you did anything wrong… or that your daughter was made wrong… it is how she was born and she will be her her whole life. Autism doesn’t mean there is something wrong. It means there is something extra special in them 
1 Like
Awww luv you totally did nothing wrong! I remember feeling like this I blamed myself for my children’s diagnosis for months after to the point I almost had a breakdown and was diagnosed with depression. I felt like I had lost my babies. One day you will realise how much of a blessing she is to be on the spectrum. It’s honestly the most rewarding thing… most days! We all have our moments! You have got this. They have taught me things that I never knew possible. I was never a patient person but I am now. Good luck with your journey 
1 Like
I just wanted to say that it really bothers me that compared your two kids by saying your son is “perfect in every aspect”…but then saying your daughter has autism like that means she’s not perfect. Not sure if you meant it to word it that way but I would never want my children to know I called one perfect and made the other seem flawed
1 Like
You can not prevent autism and it’s not curable. It’s nothing you’ve done to your child or anyone else did, it’s just the way your child was born. So don’t feel bad like you did something wrong. Just help your child to live their best life. Autism is a spectrum so she can have very mild symptoms to extreme. People on the mild side often live perfectly normal lives. Good luck with your child. I’d do a bunch of research on autism so you can best help your daughter as she gets older.
1 Like
Don’t know if my daughter ever felt this way, But I have a 7yr old grandson with autism and he is perfect he has taught us many things he is Extra Special to our family , he is the family blessing:heart:
1 Like
It’s nothing you or the Drs did at all. Every pregnancy is completely different. Sometimes mommas just have babies that need more care & love than others. 
1 Like
Please don’t say having autism means there is something wrong with your child. Love and accept. There is beauty in being different. Autistic children can be extremely intelligent. Start saying that your child is something amazing, I’m sure she is wonderful.
You did nothing wrong! Autism happens for a multitude of reasons some are genetic. You could see a geneticist but all it would do is confirm her diagnosis. Every child that has autism is different. Just love her and advocate for her.
You did nothing wrong.
There’s some speculation that having an undiagnosed thyroid condition, having severe anemia, taking high doses of Tylenol, taking high doses of albuterol (inhaler), having bleeding or infection, advanced parent age, high blood pressure, Or not getting enough folate can contribute to autism risk. But it’s just speculation- not fact. Maybe one day we will know more, but right now we don’t. Science suggests it begins in the earliest stages of brain development, and scientists are working on studying the early brain more to try to learn what causes or contributes to autism.
There’s no proven way to prevent it at this time, so please don’t beat yourself up. I know your first instinct is to blame yourself but you shouldn’t. It’s a neurological condition in the brain and it’s not your Fault. Nothing proves you did anything that caused it. We don’t have enough information to know the exact cause, so you shouldn’t beat yourself up. Everything is going to be okay.
With proper help, medication and resources- autistic children can lead perfectly healthy lives.
2 Likes
My son was diagnosed with autism at age 2, but he’s not autistic. Reaccessed at age 5. Wait those next few years and go back and have her rediagnosed.
You did nothing wrong, every child is different. And she’s the same child since the day you both met. She’s always been what you’ve known. She could just be doing learned behaviours, etc. Don’t dwell, you’ll stress and burn yourself out.
There’s nothing you did wrong. Nothing anyone does causes autism. She is still as you say a beautiful girl, who will have a wonderful life, just different to how neuro-typical people perceive it.
Having a child with autism is just like having a child without, with the exception of them needing a little extra attention sometimes. Mom, you did nothing to cause this, you’re doing great, and your daughter will grow up happy and healthy as long as you continue to do everything you can to care for and provide for her. Never stop doing research on techniques that work. It’ll make her happier and your job easier. Keep it up mom, you got this!
Special parents are given special children. I am bringing up my 8 year old autistic grandson and to me he’s just who he is meant to be.
I believe there are things that make autism better. My nephew was on verbal…got sent to a great school…he is 7 now he’s now a normal little boy…very smart just a slight speech impediment.
My brother and I are undiagnosed Autistic. I am more high functioning and can control my emotions and behaviors (for the most part) better than he can. His sons and youngest daughter has some form of autism and his oldest daughter has mild ADHD. His oldest son is non verbal autistic. Last I knew, he was recieving ABA services and speech therapy. I’m not sure about the other 2.
And no matter what people will force you to believe, vaccines DO NOT cause autism. It is genetic. Some kids can end up with it due to traumatic birth, premature birth, or lack of prenatal care. The causes of autism are still vastly unknown. There is also a possibility that mercury poisoning and lead poisoning can cause autism as well. That is why most of the world has banned lead paint and we no longer use mercury filled thermometers for taking our temperatures.
Josie Sainsbury she has the experience and I’m sure she has educated herself. What she says is true . I have 2 great nephews who are autistic and they are very talented actually brilliant. One had an ear infection around age 3. The doc explained his eat infection to him using the ear plastic diagram and he went home and colored penciled the hole thing on paper. Down to the finest color and detail. The other is an advid sports fan playing with his high school basket ball team. He graduated this last Spring. I have grown to know over the years GOD does not make mistakes.
Autism isn’t something you just randomly get one day. It’s not caused by anything other than genes and DNA. It sounds like you are doing a great job with early intervention which is crucial in helping them live as close to “normal” lives as possible. I use the term normal very loosely because who even knows what is considered normal these days lol.
There is no one to blame here. And I’m not quite sure even if there was what would it do for you? Your daughter is autistic, she will never be not autistic. Do your best in trying to support her in any way you can and that’s more than enough
You did nothing wrong. Nothing could have changed the outcome. My 12 year old granddaughter is on the spectrum and is the most loving, smart and beautiful human.
My son is very low on the spectrum but we have 4 nephews that are all over the spectrum, 1 is severely autistic. So I’m not an expert but I do NOT think the baby measuring small has anything to do with the autism. And you CANT prevent autism. You can do things to maybe help avoid it, like no screen time for kids under 2, and very little after that. That’s the AAP recommendation.
And remember, there’s so much they don’t know about autism, and I’m no specialist, but I’ve never, ever heard of any such link to a baby measuring small. With our family history though, I’m convinced theres a hereditary aspect to it. This is a tough road! Praying for y’all.
There’s nothing you could have done differently. No one really knows what causes it. In some cases it could be prematurity but there’s nothing you could have done differently. Just take it one step at a time as she grows, learn how she learns and go with her flow
You did nothing wrong and she is perfect in her own way Your daughter is going to learn in her own way and live a beautiful life. Keep your head up mama!
I think the first step is to stop thinking that theres something “wrong” or that your kid isnt “normal” bc they have autism. It’s a very dangerous mindset to have.
Step 2 is to get them all the right support that they might possibly need. Autistic people see & experience things a lot differently. They also sometimes develop certain skills slower than others. So they need the right support to help them with developmental problems
It could be related to ABA therapy if she’s doing that. There was a study that found people with autism are 86% more likely to exhibit symptoms of PTSD if they have undergone ABA than if they had not.
U did everything right and so did the doctors…u can’t detect autism in the womb it’s not preventable I’m sure you have done all the research and already know all of this…all u can do now is love and learn and grow with her 
but u absolutely didn’t do anything wrong…best of luck and prayers for you and your family
You did nothing wrong ; ti this day , scientist don’t fully understand why some kids are autistic and cannot ID in the womb; now- what I have read in terms of consideration is a diet ; look into that in more detail but in short - experiment with exclusion of gluten, the protein in wheat, and casein, the protein in milk
My grandson is autistic and the doctors wanted to test his father because it could be hereditary but the father refused my daughter tested negative for the gene
Don’t fall into the guilt trap. You did nothing wrong she is just different but not less. You are and did everything right. Just learn everything you can to be able to help understand her and help her better. It will be ok and be kind to yourself mama. Anyone who has a baby with any sort of medical issues or concerns things the same thing. My little one is a petite guy in general and I do the same thing thinking I am doing something wrong but that is just how he is. Stay strong and love them harder mama💖
I have a 15 year old who has Autism. Get your child in Early Intervention, Speech, Occupational Therapy, and ABA Therapy. All of this will put you on the right path. Hang in there you got this. I also feel that AUTISM is genetic.
You did nothing wrong. She can go into an early childhood program at the elementary school when she turns 3. In the interim she go to speech therapy. Your pediatrician will help you with that. Don’t delay. The sooner she starts in the classes the better you will feel about her progress.
Nothing at all!! My second son has autism. Started developing signs at 18mos. He is the light of my life! Almost 16 now. I was concerned about my third boy as well, but he is not autistic. Even if he was i knew we would be ok. Its amazing what my son has taught me!
I read a study a few weeks ago . The researchers have found that autism begins very early in the fetus . The brain is different.
Some babies just are autistic. Nothing could have been done different by you to change this .
Please stop feeling guilty .
But I would suggest you not have anymore children because sometimes some families end up with 2 autistic children .
You did nothing wrong. It’s a blip, genetic that happens.
They are studying and finding autism in animals also.
You did absolutely ever thing possible for your baby,child. An still are.
if you talk to her try to look her in the eyes to keep her attentive always lower your tone to make her feel calm too
Autism hasn’t been rooted to a cause, it just seems to happen. My son has 2 half brothers, one is non verbal and on the complete end of the spectrum, one has what used to be know as aspergers. My son however doesn’t have any for of autism but does have turrets and odd. They say it runs in the dads genes more than the moms and they’re unsure why. It’s unavoidable. Autism has been on the rise for years now and there’s nothing you could of done to prevent it. Just know that by being there and by putting them in therapy you’re doing everything you can for your kid and that’s what counts.
it’s only a disability because society isn’t set up to help Autistic people succeed. There are actually many wonderful things about being Autistic. It’s just a different Neurotype. A different way that the brain processes and interacts with the world. But it’s hereditary. It’s likely either you or your husband are undx autistic, or others on your family. I went 36 years not knowing that I had it. And there are many others like me out there that also were dx late in life.
Genetic nothing the doctor did to cause this . Early intervention is critical.
Sounds like us. Mine was induced two weeks early but she had more medical issues and had open heart as a result of a chromosome abnormality. She is nonverbal autistic and 19 years old now.
1st, stop blaming and/or guilting yourself!!! It’s natural to do… I beat myself up for a long time and was so hard on myself I swore to never have any more children bc I felt I gave this to her (and I didn’t, she was my only and now I’m too old). Your baby needs you mentally strong and healthy. She is who she is and you didn’t nothing wrong!
2nd, my advice I wish someone told me to do when mine was that little: get a lot of training on how to be an advocate bc you will NEED those skills, your child needs you to have those skills on how to deal w the systems, denials (medical, services, pre-K in school systems- and all through schooling-I.D.E.A.)
3rd-get on waitlists NOW bc some are years and years long and if you wait until she needs things, she will miss out on crucial developmental, behavioral help/interventions and funding for YEARS while you guys wait your turn and by then too much time was lost & you can’t regain. FL waiver waitlist is 15+ years long, & Texas was even longer (those two states combined make up about 50% of the entire nations waitlists on waiver. The NE is much better for anything and everything disability related (I know because I have lived in FL, TX, NY… and I love home-Fl but I regret leaving NY for my daughters/our families needs- but we can’t live in a cold climate due to some health stuff). Get on waitlists first behavior therapy, Medicaid waiver for special needs kids (autism is always a qualifier)-make sure you are in a state that is good for disability services & if you are-DO NOT move (you are dropped off the waitlists and must start all over from scratch on all new ones (nothing transfers from state to state- including Medicaid waiver), apply for her to get SSI (you may or may not qualify, depends on income but your expenses will start to increase as she starts to grow).
And last but not least, back to that advocate thing- when a “professional” says no, don’t give up. That’s not always in your child’s best interest, find another provider (dr, therapist, school…). Your child has protections under Americans w Disabilities Act & Individuals w disabilities education act (ie: schools play lots of games and will tell parents the kid doesn’t qualify for something, their eval says she doesn’t need this or that, they don’t have the funding for x,y,z, your child isn’t going to be “able” because of their disability…), all wrong and some actually illegal to say. There is a process to appeal/object and still get her what she needs and you can get it by following those processes (there are many in different aspects which is why I suggest you start getting advocacy training ASAP)! No one will do it for you, you have to do it for your child, & you are the person who knows her best & has the biggest interest in her being as functional and successful as humanly possible and overcoming her challenges to the best of her ability. So when someone tells you no, no doesn’t always mean no, just means you need to know how to effectively obtain what she needs. That being said DOCUMENT EVERYTHING starting today!!! You will thank me later when you need to prove things that occurred, was said/done, etc. by document, I mean get everything in writing (including denials and reason why something was denied) & emails. Even phone conversations of anything involving your child’s needs, care, services… ask them for their email address and send a “recap of our conversation”, just so you understand and can look back and remember what was said/talked about w whom (you will talk to lots of people, so this will be helpful but it will also put things in writing-remember, otherwise any calls/personal convos are “he said/she said” and sadly, you will get the run around a lot & people can/will claim they didn’t speak to you or didn’t say whatever).
I really wish I had more internet, social media, and access to support groups when mine was that little and I made many mistakes over the years that my girl paid for dearly bc I didn’t know our rights and how to advocate. You are already ahead of the game to be able to reach out on groups on the internet to find help.
Again, I WISH someone had told me these things when mine was little. I’m certain her outcomes and level of functioning would have been a lot better had I knew how to navigate the complicated systems.
Join some Autism support groups right away! And look for advocacy organizations to help teach you and advocate. 
Best wishes on your journey!
Nothing you did wrong, that is how she’s meant to be 
Please look up on Facebook, “Finding Cooper’s Voice” and follow!
you didn’t do anything wrong. some kids are just born autistic. be happy that your girl is healthy, and do your best.
Please stop equating autism with not “being normal” or “something not done right”.
dont let her play alone to avoid talking to herself keep her around people to talk to her and to keep her busy too.
You did absolutely nothing wrong. Nothing you could do to prevent her dx.
I don’t like Autism Speaks as an organization, but this article explains findings about heredity
You did nothing wrong, autism isn’t a curse, just a condition that makes them see the world different. My little cousin is autistic and he is now in his 2nd year at Cornell University, yes Cornell University. Get your child the help she needs! She is perfect in her own way.
I have a 5yr old autism diagnosed at 3 I was told he was gonna be a little smaller than his brother which his brother was 8lb 6ozs so I thought 6lb/7lb baby my youngest was born and was 4lb 1ozs he did all normal baby stuff only problem was his speech not developing like a normal child his age then sent to speech therapist who suggested autism I kind of knew as he had signs so genetics were done and it came back he has a rare chromosome but I wouldn’t change him for the world are babies are born with autism etc for a reason we didn’t do anything wrong we are given special babies for some reason x
1 Like
You did nothing wrong!! My eldest doesn’t have it but my youngest does. It’s just how their brains get wired. They are born that way while some people get similar issues from living trauma… But it’s nothing we did wrong!!
Please do not compare your children. Society will already do that to them and it feels horrible for them to make your child seem less simply because they are behind in some things. EVERY CHILD HITS MILESTONE DIFFERENTLY. Regardless if they have autism or not. Your home is their safe space, free of judgment and nothing but love. Educate yourself on autism but most importantly educate yourself about YOUR child’s autistic traits. Autism is like your finger print, no two are the same. Just because you met another child with autism all it means you have met THAT one child with autism. Get your child in a autism program , work closely with her therapist and apply her therapy sessions at home. Educate those around you, especially those who think autism is this horrible thing as if they’re not going to have a life due to autism. Yes , some may have more severe autism than others but that should not stop you as a parent to give her a wonderful happy life and accepting her for who she is. I mean look at the amazing people who have done great things in this world and had/have autism , Elon musk , bill gates , Einstein, satoshi tajiri (creator of Pokémon) , and just many many more. Autism isn’t a disability and a different ability.
That’s one of the signs of Autism is the change or loosing of skills around a year old. You didn’t do this.
there is NO ‘why’- but please, don’t have another child- this one will need ALL your resources ~
No, done things just ARE and you have to accept your daughter as she is.
there’s nothing you could’ve done to prevent your child from having autism. they are just born that way nothing wrong with her. shes just ganna do things her own way. they also have many occupational therapy‘s that help. they teach kids how to deal with their emotions properly and how to convey them and even life lessons that they use throughout their entire life. my brother (30)has Asperger he lives a pretty normal life he just has a few more meltdown than your average 30 y/o.
Size of a baby has nothing to do with autism. My son has Asperger’s and he’s 5’10 now and 23 years old. He’s also a double major in college and has a girlfriend and his own car.
YOU DID NOTHING WRONG!!! My autistic son is now 25 and graduating university with a degree in architecture.
To my knowledge, there is nothing a parent can do to prevent autism, same with any mental illness. Unless you could change your literal DNA, there is nothing that can be done.
You didn’t do anything wrong! You are blessed with two healthy children
I’m autistic, It has nothing to do with what you did. It’s a neurological condition, you did nothing wrong. Being autistic isn’t a bad thing. we just need support and a little bit of patience with us. Listen to your kid and try to be as understanding as you can. Researching on autism is fundamental too! You’re gonna do great, best of luck and lots of love! 
Born this way. You don’t get autism
You didn’t do anything wrong. Neurodivergence is part of the human tapestry.
If you think you did something wrong shes gonna feel that and feel wrong. I would join a group therapy type thing
You did nothing wrong- neither did your doctors. They followed trwatment protocol.
I have ASD/AS - before people even labeled it. Blaming or trying to find the “cause” will take up too much time and hurt. I’ve seen it in families. Enjoy her now and always.
Why do you think you did sonething wrong because you had an autistic child? To me thats a shameful thought. You should be thankful you had a loving autistic child. Many people can have NONE!!!
Please do not think that. It is nothing you did or didn’t do.
Babies don’t show autism until about a year that’s why she has changed
You didn’t do anything wrong. Your daughter is as perfect as your son, please don’t believe or let her ever believe anything else. No one knows with absolute certainty what causes autism, or if autism can stem from several different things. Celebrate your daughter for her uniqueness, as you should with every child. She is in no way imperfect or defective, the way her brain processes thoughts and emotions is simply different and again, you did nothing wrong.