Why tell her after 11 years ? He made it plain he wanted no role in your sons life and you accepted that. I honestly see no point in telling her after all this time.
The right time would have been 11 years ago when your child was born and you were seeking support from the father.
Only other reason would have been medical history or medical emergency he was needed to deal with .
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God bless you your child will be a blessing.
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Didnât know he was married or had kids? I donât buy that. My Mother tried saying the same thing to me but she knew my sperm donor was married with kids just as I am sure you did!
He needs to man up and care for that child
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Maybe if the whole thing was read people would see she didnât know this prick was married, and she tried for 11 years to get said prick, and his asshole family, to acknowledge her son. Oh and that he has SOMEONE else show up for DNA. It happens more than people realize. Damn.
For everyone asking âwhy wait so longâ for all we know the woman was doing perfectly fine taking care of the child herself and didnât want to bother, maybe gained some issues with her health and needs help now and didnât wanna take it through court, which I think would be worse for the wife to be dragged through. Or maybe the kid is asking about who the dad is/ if they can meet him?
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So question I have is why did u wait so long but at the same point in time this is the shittiest of situations to be in. For all of those criticizing her for reaching out to the wife now, leave her be. Coming from someone who has a half sibling and found out 11 years later that he was not fully my brother let me tell you something. No matter when you hear this news it is devastating. But itâs very real n it isnât the mistresses childâs fault. They deserve to know. So despite how long it took, the truth needed to come out.
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Not understanding. If it was all for him (your son) why wait so long? You could have gotten him for child support. You didnât have to have a woman to woman talk with the wife.
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Iâm not sure why people are so disapproving of you reaching out. Yes, 11 years is a long time. That doesnât change the fact that your son deserves (at the very least) financial support from his father and hopefully a full on relationship with that side of the family. It doesnât change the fact that he cheated on his wife, and she deserves to know. Pure intentions or not, whatâs done in the dark always comes to light.
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You waited 11 years to this ?
Smh. Want a thank you for waiting so long.
So why now. You chosen to raise him alone. Now just flip there lifeâs. Ugh.
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I feel like theres more to this. Why wait 11 years?? In that time you havent had somone else in your life that has stepped in for that role? Feel like you should have just accepted it if u didnt say somthing for that long and the have the kid reach out to him when he wants. Also i never knew my dad and reached out to him as an adult and he wantes nothing to do with me. You should have done it right away.
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Q: Have ANY of you been in this ladies situation at all?? Didnât think so not by the comments on this page wrong place to put this up onâŚ.
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Is his name Femi OladinniâŚ
I think after 11 years you should have left that up to your child to reach out when/if theyâre able and want to.
i also feel bad for your son. what a confusing time for him
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11yrs later or 1yr later, you did the right thing. Itâs not your fault at all he did not tell her. He needed to be reminded that he has a son. The victims here are you, your son n his wife. So for all the ones trying to guilt trip you, remember⌠Cast the first stone if you are free of sin. Iâm sure just like me n you they are all full of sin. So no worries at all. Hopefully your baby boy gets to catch up with his siblings. His father needs to be put on child support. As for the wife, with gods grace she will be ok as you will.
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I wouldnât have told her. Why did she need to know?
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My guess for everyone asking why she waited so longâŚthe kid probably started asking questions. You can only keep a secret for so long
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Maybe her son asked who his dad is and wanted to see if he wanted to be part of his life 
why always think she has flipped she maybe helping her son reach out to his father
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Maybe heâs asking for his dadâŚ
These comments scream UnhealedâŚ
Itâs about the childâŚ
NOT THE MOM âŚ
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Isnât that what you wanted. You choose to reach after 11 years of doing on your own. Why now? Congratulations. Would you have felt better if she was nasty and mean about?
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You are definitely a trouble maker get a life
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You did the right thing by telling his wife but you shouldnât of waited 11 yearâs only you know why it took 11 yearâs to come out. I hope you and his wife and him sit down and talk about everything that was in the dark to come to light because that marriage was ruined when he stepped out of it and cheated and not telling you he was married and had a family. Your son has the right to know his siblings but those siblings might resent him which will do more damage. If i was you i would of said something when your son was a baby so his wife and children would have an chance to come around and get to know him. Itâs NEVER to late to get to know a child. Everything can be fix by the grace of GOD. Only GOD can JUDGE all of US, So donât worry about ppl judging you because they are nobodyâŚ
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Why after 11 years???
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Why do people still use the phrase âwhy wait so longâ?
Sometimes it takes time to heal and process things. She was a victim herself. Her world was also flipped upside down 11 years ago.
The better question is why has he still not told his wife? That blame should be on him, not her.
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Why did you wait 11 years? You shouldâve told her as SOON as you found out. They probably arenât going to be able to move past this and if heâs wanted absolutely nothing to do with you or your child for 11 years heâs not going to come around now just because you told his wife.
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i canât believe you thought he was going to tell his wife!!!
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Wasnât your place to tell his wife ⌠you canât make your sons father be in his life !!
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For the ones who said why wait and are basically bashing her, maybe the son started to finally question it and wants to try to know him or maybe health issues arose and she needs to contact him about it to find out family medical history.
Good lord, why do women bash other women so much???
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You slept with him⌠not her. How would you have handled it if he didnât have a wife? There are men without wives that are not active in their childâs life⌠If you wanted financial support then you can seek child support. Last resort for your son? Iâm not sure I understand what that means?
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He knew he was wrong when he sent someone else to find out the baby was his. 11 years old,that boy deserves to know his father⌠If that father wants nothing to do with him, regardless you must go for child support. He deserves to have siblings,too. This is all an unfair situation for you both. ((hugs))
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I think you are cruel
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You chose to raise him alone. Why wait 11 whole years. You knew what you were doing. You shouldnât have told her. Young should have waited until your son turned 18 an made that choice. He clearly didnât want anything to do with your son. Yes granted heâs a piece of shit, you also knew that and now the resentment he had for your son probably amplified x10,000. I feel sorry for all the kids involved in this. What you did was wrong and yes I have been in this situation. My brothers mom never told my brother who his dad was despite my dad reaching out. My brother made the choice to reach out when he was 18.
This is terrible of you you shouldâve done it 11 years ago or not at all âŚway to ruin a family âŚNot the actions by what you did but by the way you handled it. Puts a bad name to woman. It was his story to tell whether he chose to or not you canât force him in a kids life but you may have just made it more complicated knowing someone will be rejectedâŚ.âI chose to raise the child on my ownâ
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Donât feel bad! But you should have told sooner cuz I would have definitely wanted to know sooner if I were the wife !!
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He hasnât been helping you with finances?
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Canât get behind someone ruining lives over child support.
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The cheater typically never wants that info out, hence why he sent his friend in for the dna test.
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I think these stories are made up. Thereâs no way a woman would wait 11 years to tell someoneâs wife âyour husband is my baby daddy.â Most women would have told the wife before the baby was even born.
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You were right to do what you did. Your your sons best advocate and you needed to do right by him. Sure it took some time but I presume your son was asking questions. I hope he gets to know his siblings and they get along. I think he is better off not knowing his dad if thatâs the way he treats him. But you deserve child support and he deserves answers from his father.
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He ruined his family when he slept with her. Not vice versa. She didnât know he was married but he sure as hell did!
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And you donât feel horrible. We are all strangersâŚno point in trying to convince us of that. You got exactly what you wanted. To be known about. He still wonât want his son amd now that youâve made this spectacle your son gets to know this out loud that his dad doesnât want him.
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So you cheated with a married man, got pregnant, and after 11 years decide to turn this womanâs life upside down? Why did you wait so long? In what universe did you think that he would have told his wife about a hook up that resulted in an unplanned pregnancy? You say he had a friend take a DNA test for him. Do you have any actual proof that he did that? Is it at all possible that you got pregnant by someone else? I would have demanded another paternity test before running to his wife after over a decade.
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I think some of yâall are triggered. Smh!!
She did right and told! Maybe the son is wanting a relationship with the father and siblings.
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Well its done,it should of been sooner however i can understand as a mother the hurt and protecting youâre child,im sure you have had an internal battle for 11yrs on how to handle it,and now that youâre child is 11 he understands more questions more,i can also understand carrying the burden of resentment for the father and his family but when the dust settles will it change anything for youâre child? Unfortunately it will probably play out with the wife believing him and the burden of proof is that dna test
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I feel for your son. I was your son for 20 years.
U should have known he was never telling his wife. Was you being ânasty niceâ. S m h.
I raised my son without my ex for 12 years. It was peaceful.
Some these comments just are not it. Anyways, you all three for the sake of yâallâs children sit down and discuss things like adults. 
Best of luck love.
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I get it to an extentâŚYou wanted to just cut ties from a toxic situation and just raise the boy in peaceâŚbut it is never that simpleâŚkids grow up and want to know more about their family and themselves and where they came from etcâŚThe better thing wouldâve been to have got it all out in the open back thenâŚwomen need to look out for each other and not let them go married 11 more years to a cheater unknowinglyâŚif you tell her and she decides to try and work things out thatâs her choice but instead she went through 11 yrs of marriage not knowing her children had a sibling out thereâŚand waiting caused a lot of additional shock and pain for not only her but her kidsâŚturned their whole world upside down in a split momentâŚcheaters donât usually come cleanâŚso yes I think she shouldâve got it out in the open right awayâŚbut should have done and what was done are two very different thingsâŚand I still do think the wife deserves to knowâŚand the children from both mothers deserve to know they have a sibling and the choice to get to know them and not be cheated any further from that time with their sibling if they choose to have a relationshipâŚ
After waiting 11 yrs it was still important to let the cat out of the bagâŚbetter late than never
I do however question the whole DNA partâŚjust seems odd to meâŚI HOPE the op is being honest about that bitâŚcause it just sounds a little fishyâŚbut not inconceivable, so I wonât judge cause you never really know from the outside looking in
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Youâre horrible for ruining a family. You should have done it years ago or not at allâŚ
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She didnât have to find out from you, those were your choices to get what you wanted
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THESE COMMENTS ARE UNBELIEVABLE!! I applaud you for keeping this in for so long for whatever reason that is your business. You had the right to tell her. Youâve given him plenty of time. Iâm sorry you had to take it into your own hands. Itâs not your fault. Woman to woman, she deserved the truth and he deserves the karma that will come along.
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Wait wait wait you wait 11 years but why???
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I think you did the right thing. Maybe waited a little long. But its important for your child to know their siblings
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I think you did the right thing by telling her regardless of how long it took. If I was the wife I would want to know how my husband cheated on me and had a kid out there he refuses to raise because he doesnât want me to find out which shows thatâs not the kind of man I want and children should know their other siblings if they ever decide they want to have a relationship with them. Yes you may feel like crap and it took 11 yrs but at least the truth is out now. I have a friend in the same situation and the wife doesnât know her husband has a 2yr old and I wish my friend would tell her already just so she is aware we feel as though we are helping when he keep this information but all it really does it hurt the child involved because the man gets to choose which children he wants to take care of while the man gets off free with no consequences to his actions and thatâs not right. Hopefully everything works out for all parties involved
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Some of these comments saying âyouâre horribleâ⌠yall realize he can do it on his own also right?! 20 yrs from now or 30 yrs from now⌠it still will be the same outcome as now. Being a surprise. He will have access to many DNA tests.
You did right momma! And you are kind for the feelings you have 
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You didnât ruin anyones family, he was living a lie. If by revealing the truth, his wife left, thatâs on him. Hopefully you can find some healing through it all 
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Some of yall are disgusting. She gad no idea he was married but HE KNEW. He ruined his marriage amd his family, NOT HER. Good for her reaching out so maybe her son can know the rest of his family.
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WTFâŚyou went & told her. Of course you feel horrible & you should. She had nothing to do with this, it was him & in a way you If he always left you after wards, & he made every excuse for you 2 two not to go out, etec, etc, & etc, somewhere along the line, you had to figure this out, something wasnât right, A deep down feeling. But to go to her & tell her, her husband has a child with you, is horrible, on so many levels . Iâm sorryâŚthat was 110% wrong on your part Itâs one thing & also bad , that he was cheating on her, but a child !!!
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I hate people who do nothing but judge others s if theyâre pure. Advise and donât judge or make the poor woman feel less cause she is not married.
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Has anyone ever stopped to think that there may be medical reasoning behind the situation and the mother is just not stating that. There is a reason for everything and of course everything is not going to be stated but instead of bashing, try to be more understanding!
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Why wait⌠I never have and never will bother my daughters biodad he ran and never looked back when I filled for divorce⌠until my child is old enough to discuss it and wants to reach out⌠he was an abusive drug addict who locked her in a room &left for 13hrs (I was at the hospital) she wasnât even two yetâŚ
Why she waited is not your business. Itâs not even dadâs in my opinion. Raising your child doesnât have a time frame 3 months or 11 yrs. Iâll still be fighting for my daughter and what she needs when sheâs grown. A thousand things can change in 11yrs yall
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It was your decision to raise your son on your own !! You deliberately attacked this womanâs life and her children!! That is not kool and shameful 
what is your reasoning behind your actions?? To hurt him ?? Thatâs sad !! Do you need his help after 11 years ?? From the sound of it it was just revenge!!
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She sounds too good for him
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she deserves to know tbh. if my so cheated and had a kid id want to know.
in truth he did it to his family. he knew what he was doin 12yrs ago when he was out sleeping around and not with his wife. 
@ his shady a§
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That is the result that leads to a breeding ground for crime, fatherless children, feelings of being unwanted by men who fail to use necessary protection and then run away
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Why in the hell did you HAVE to reach out now- if you knew someone else did the DNA test and that he wasnât going to be involved? It was ok before but now itâs not?
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Your child deserves to know where he comes from more than your ex deserves to have his secret keptâŚyou arguably should have done thus a LONG time ago, and I get why you didnât but you also over complicated an already difficult and sticky situation by waitingâŚbut since we canât change the past, and whatâs done is done, this is on him more than youâŚ
And who knows? You and wife might become friends after this (which I recommend for the kidâs sake)âŚgive it time, and see if the siblings can get to know eachother at some point
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I pray it was for your son, not for Revenge thereâs is questioning about why he didnât do the fertility test in person also why you didnât go though the courts system ,I would want to know if my husband cheated and had children , but he need to stand up for his actions and accept he a father to a boy thats needs his father aswell as his mother.
Why wait 11 years though? Sounds like you did it just to be spiteful
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Oh man thatâs gotta stingâŚ.
Prayers for her & the kids.
Question tho, I didnât read why you went this route for your child? Are you looking for child support now?
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Iâd want to know if my husband did something like that even if 11 years passed. Once a cheater, always a cheater and the wife deserves to know the truth. Why live with someone who lies to you? Maybe it was a one time occurrence but who knows if you are the only victim or there may be others.
It must have been difficult for you to speak to her. I am sorry about your circumstances. I hope you can move on and forgive too. He may not deserve such kindness but your heart heals and moves on with forgiveness and peace.
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We all make decisions but the right one is always to tell the one being cheated on what happened. Always. They have every right to that information. Iâm glad you did the right thing, obviously the guy is shit and never would have told her the truth about this and if he did it once there may be multiple. You did the right thing. Keeping it from her is cruel and perpetuating the lies and cheating. Youâre literally showing your kids itâs okay to be this man if you donât expose him
Iâm sure you feel bad for revealing the truth to her. But he is the one who cased all of this. He is the one who turned her whole life upside down. Hopefully all the children can in the future have a good relationship.
Maybe the child has asked questions and wants to know who his father is. He has the right to know. The father should have been man enough to take care of his responsibilities.
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I have questions:
-
How do you know he sent a friend to do the DNA test? Like were you actually there? If you wereâŚwhy didnât you say something.
Did he tell you that? Why didnât you report it? (It is illegal to do that) or did you assume this because the DNA test was negative? -
You chose to do this on your ownâŚafter a DNA test came back negativeâŚwhy let so much time pass before deciding to try to get him involved? Why did you think this was your only option?
There were other legitimate ways to handle thisâŚStarting with a lawyer and court.
With all the questions around the paternity test, Iâd say that this was probably the wrong move on your part.
While his wife did deserve to know the truthâŚthis probably wasnât the best way for her to find out (especially with a assumed negative paternity test).
If you did all this because youâre wanting dad involved for your child all this will do is create extra resentment from everyone. It wonât be beneficial to your child at all.
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Donât worry about the negative comments, people like these pretend to be more righteous only because it makes them feel good about their miserable lives. They probably got sick of sitting at home watching Jerry Springer & Maury reruns, yelling at the tv, so they decided to get interactive on fb. Itâs pretty sick⌠It doesnât matter how long you took to reach out to her⌠would sooner have been better? Yeah. But it is what it is. You & your child have the right to be acknowledged & she has the right to know. Even if he still doesnât step up, maybe you just found a new friend &/or your children will get along so they can grow up together. Either way, take his sorry butt for child support. You might be able to get it from the day your son was born because he purposely sent someone else to get out of his responsibilities as a father⌠Good luck mamaâŚ
Sooo, he sent a friend to do the DNA test for himâŚand yet you knew that and done nothing to prove that it was his friend and not him doing the DNA. Plus Iâve never heard of a place doing a dna test that doesnt check everyoneâs i.d. first to make sure tricks like that do not happen
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If she did it to be spiteful who cares really !!! He should of Admitted his wrongdoings to his wife and shouldâve taken responsibility of the child all on his OWN !!! itâs not her fault and she did nothing wrong.
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Are these postâs even real? Or are they made up stories? Cause sometimes the donât be making any sense.
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Your child deserves to know his family but this shouldâve been done far earlier. Whether or not he has any contact, there could be inherited medical conditions on dads side that you need to be aware of so mums should always know where and who dad is as a precaution. Itâs out there now. The balls in their court now and you should leave it be. He knows where you are and the food is open for both him and his family. You shouldnât hold any malice as whatâs done is done and more than a decade ago so now itâs up to him to sort out with his wife
If he went so far as to send someone else for a DNA test why would you want your son to know him.
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I donât think it was bad to tell the wife but it seems VERY DELAYED. Like why 11 years later?
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Love how the lot of you are SOOOO perfect. Judgmental asses.
No you shouldnât have waited 11years why you did i donât know nor is it my business. Donât let all these negative comments make you feel itâs all your fault because itâs not. I personally wouldnât have waited and took his ass to get a paternity test then court. Hope this works out for you Iâm sure itâs not easy and Iâve never been in this situation. And just know you didnât ruin this womens life like everyone in the comments are claiming he ruined it when he decided to cheat.
As soon as you found out this cheater was married you should have acted then! Medical reasons and other reasons why it is important to know family background! I feel sorry for his wife,children,and your child! Every single one of them were robbed of knowing they had a sibling and siblings! Your story doesnât add up ! And it is completely negligent on your behalf to wait 11 years !
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You did the right thing.
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Probably could have been handled a little betterâŚ
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I wouldâve said something 11 years ago. I would want to know
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Unpopular opinion. No you did not do the right thing. You said you chose to raise your son alone, so why now after 11 years did you decide to tell the wife? You should have done it 11 years ago. He obviously doesnât want anything to do with the kid. So what has changed? She should have been told when you were pregnant or not at all. IMO. Thats 11+ years she has spent with a man she thought she could trust. 11 years of missing out. Good luck to her.
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Does it really matter that she waited 11 years? Circumstances change. Most of the people complaining about it would want to know if their husband cheated, even eleven years later; I know I would. Time doesnât change what he did. He did it, and then abandoned a child in the aftermath. Heâs the issue here, not how long she waited. As a mom of an 11 year old boy, it is likely she reached out because the boy NEEDS his dad. Some things just canât be adequately handled by a mom. Yes, moms do things all day without the help of the father, but it doesnât change the fact that boys still need their fathers. So I can understand her reaching out at this point in time. Anyway, op did the right thing. Itâs not her responsibility to hide his lies or protect the wife. That was his job, he chose to betray his wife, he hurt her, not the OP.
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What did you expect her reaction to be? He denied being the father to you, why would he have told her that he cheated?
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Why were you reaching out the in first place after 11 years? Unless the child was hospitalized or dying or has died there was no reason for you be bothering them at all.
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So there is no dna tesr qnd you waited 11 years to tell the wife?
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The real thing you did wrong was not let her know ten years agoâŚwhy now?
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I be more concerned about how your child will feel being kept a secret
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Iâm sorry but you made some shitty choices. If you were going to blow up someone elseâs life, it should have been 11 years ago. It comes across like you blew this up because he refused to have anything to do with you or your son. You should have just left it alone after all this time. I understand your heart hurting for your child but this just sets him up for more disappointment and hurt.
I dont think his wife needed to knowâŚwhat were you hoping to achieve?
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the whole mess is his and yours, fix it
Well she needed to hear about it from somebody. I mean yalls children are siblings. What would happen if your child and one of their children happen to meet later on and they dont know they are siblings. Then they hook up, or fall in love with one another. That would be a really messed up situation.
And it does happenâŚ
Thats how my cousin found out she had an older brother. She liked a boy she was going to school with and brought him home to meet my grandmother. It turned that boys world upside down and he found out his life was a lie.
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Why? Why after 11 years? Why contact her and not the father?
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If you chose to raise him by yourself thatâs on you. You should have taken action 11 years ago. Why would you wait all this time to finally say something? She deserved to know yes but you should have said something in the first place or not at all. For you to say something 11 years later is completely fucked up. You made a choice to do it alone and not do anything about him thatâs on you.
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The only person wrong in this situation is the fatherâŚ
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