Why she wiat 11 years? If she really cared about all that she would have been did it I feel like there’s more to it
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The amount of people on this post that are bashing the mom for reaching out amazes me! Her son could have asked about his dad!?! Im a single mother also and if I were in this situation my sons feelings would come before ANYONE else’s… period. I think you did the right thing for you and your son mama 
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No one here even 1 time mentioned the child NEEDING TO KNOW!
this should have been out along time ago FOR THE CHILD!!
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IF he did in fact send a friend in for the DNA test, which is really confusing, because you have to show your ID, and him and his family ignored you for 11 years, I would have just moved forward without him. I mean after 11 years, he/they obviously have no interest whatsoever in your child. So now he has to be forced to see his kid? At 11, your son clearly knows he wants nothing to do with him. 
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Sadly, you can’t ‘make’ this guy care about the child. And that’s sad for the child. Please–and I don’t know if you were thinking about this or not, but please—don’t try to force a meeting between the two of them. That happened with one of my cousins, and the biological mother actually said, “Take her away, I don’t want to see her.” Right in front of my cousin. It was devastating for her, and kind of warped her personality, as she was young at the time. I don’t know if there will ever be a time that the father will accept this child, but it’s not something that you can do for them. Best of luck to you.
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That was mean of you… Revengeful
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Not all y’all saying she ruined that woman’s life. Her cheating husband did. I’m so glad all y’all would want to remain ignorant if your man cheated. I would want to know though. Y’all are probably the type to stay with cheating jerks because he said he wouldn’t do it again and then blame the other chick when he does cheat again.
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Sadly, I don’t think this was the right course of action, but you are here now. Get a new DNA test ASAP, so everyone is on the right page and you can deal with it from here.
But, 11 years is a long time, I would have acted sooner and gone the legal route. BUT you are here now, the smartest thing to do here is squish the DNA question. (Boy I hope you are right that he’s the daddy, cause I would hate to think you just turned their world around for nothing)
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Why do you feel bad? You knew what you was doing when you told her.Surely you must of known she didnt know.But thats not your problem.Very sad for her yes but its her dog of a husband that is at fault not you
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You know there’s no hope for humanity when people blame the girl for trying to get her son to be known to his dad and make the dad the victim!!! He was unfaithful and deserves to have his wife know she can do better!!! The truth is always better than lies!
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Keep ya legs closed…
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U did the right thing
If u were his wife u would have wanted to know. U need to know the type of man u really have by your side as a husband.
You did not ruin her life… Her husband ruined their marriage thru cheating and neglecting his priorities! You should have done this sooner
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Why did you wait for 11 years.
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Yall crazy talking bout wife didn’t need to know so you just wanna continue living your lie of a life because that what it is while whole time your spouse had a child this whole time her son has every right to know his family its not fair to him he didn’t ask for any of it
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You know you reached out to her, 11 years later, to get revenge lol. Come on now. There could have been multiple other ways, I mean, dang. You think he wasn’t in his kids life before? You just dun sealed the deal.
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A rat is a rat, married or not! You just wanted some one to be as miserable as you are.
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U knew what you was doing when you told her… Is he taking care of your child now𓆩🙄𓆪
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I think you knew exactly what you were doing. Just like you set out to turn his world upside down at whatever cost his innocent wife and children. Congratulation!
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You should’ve told 11 years ago now this has caused a lot of heartache! Why tell Now,?
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You did the right thing! While the father is not trying to be involved, it is not fair to your son or his siblings. If the wife decides to not have her children involved with their sibling, then that is the outcome, but at least they are aware. And that way the kids can choose when they get of age to seek each other. But you had all right to reach out. He hid an entire child and while it was not ideal for her to find out from you, he should have never cheated and should have never hid the fact he had another child for 11 years!! Her feelings are not your fault if you never knew he had a wife. It’s his and sooner or later, all secrets come to light. I’m glad she was u understanding however.
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You should have kelp it to yourself.His disapearence said it all.
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Why would you do this 11 years later? You chose to raise him on your own but 11 years later you’re messaging his wife? This doesn’t make any sense to me. I don’t think you did this for your son, I think you did it to be petty for yourself. Yeah, she needed to know but definitely not that way…
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Just be prepared for alot of ups and downs. Her husband might make up things about you to paint you in bad light to try and save himself. So don’t be surprised if she has points where she believes him and is in denial.
You knew exactly what you were doing
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Yall are crazy. The boy deserves to know. So does the wife
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Why did you do that? 11 years later? You should have just moved on with your life. You have an 11 year old who is very aware of whats going on. How does he feel about it all? Have you considered what drama you have created for your child.
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Yikes. You should’ve never contacted the wife. Especially after 11 years. A judge would’ve ordered a DNA test years ago. What if he’s not the father? Where do you go from there? How would your child handle that? This isn’t just about you. This is about your child. This was your decision to raise your child. Your child would grow up just fine with the correct help to navigate these emotional issues. I know a few people who have no idea who their father is. And they’re the most loving and caring people I’ve ever encountered. You waiting 11 years just tells me your not over it. And your not a 100 percent sure he’s even the father.
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Some of these comments are ridiculous! If I were the wife I’d want to know. I don’t care how many years later it is.
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I wouldn’t of waited 11 years! I would have said something right away or not at all.
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After 11 years you should have kept your mouth shut. Maybe he was married but separated from his wife. Who knows why he hooked up with you. Why do you think his friend took his dna test? Why didn’t you go through the court system to do so? Why wait until now? I just hope the children are all ok & don’t get messed up because of this.
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I was in the same situation 25 yrs ago. Fist I want to tell you that this is his fault not yours not hers. Thank you for handling it like an adult. It’s great you told her. My son grew up not knowing his dad( who I had known pretty much all my life), not knowing his family. We would be in public and run into family and they would just walk right by him knowing. My son cried every Christmas, every thanksgiving,every birthday, every Father’s Day. Let me tell you when I finally stood up and spoke out he was grateful. It’s not easy for some people to grow up not knowing their parent. He met my son at age 15 and walked out again. It wasn’t until then that my son understood it wasn’t him. My son passed away at age 18. They were lucky to have had a chance with him. You do what’s best for your child. That’s what a parent does. Good luck.
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No sympathy, you said you decided to raise your kid alone, then 11 years later…you absolutely know why you did it, come on, 11 YEARS!!!
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I would have put his ass on child support from day one. Men think its so easy and okay to walk away deff not. Help raise the child you created and stop living a lie.
This is so horrible to wait 11 years then … her whole life up. You choose to do it alone till now. Ffs this is wrong on so many levels
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So you felt the need to destroy his wife and kids and now you “feel bad” … he disappeared for a reason. Maybe try getting to know the person better before getting knocked up.
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Nah don’t come on here looking for validation. You knew what u were doing. You should’ve just done this from the beginning rather than waiting 11 years to do it. You’re not a hero here mom. Youte not the cheater either but you knew what you were doing so don’t underestimate every person’s intelligence in this group by coming on here pretending to be sad abt your actions. Handling this like an adult would’ve been to come clean with her when u found out your were pregnant. Don’t try to kid yourself or us
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You waited 11 years and you expect the father and his family to just welcome your son with open arms or…? Like I’m confused on what you were trying to achieve… you wanted that dad to know he has a son with you? Clearly he and his parents knew which is why they avoided you. They chose that. They’ll probably still choose that. All you’ve done now is made a wife question her self-worth and his other kids question their father….
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After 11 years…. I’m confused, why?! I’m really trying not to be judgmental here 
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You did exactly what you should have. Good on you. She deserves to know.
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These comments are insane. The wife deserves to know. No matter how much time has passed. He’s lucky she’s not taking him for child support. Why are y’all basically protecting a garbage cheating male?
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Why?? After so long? You’re crazy.
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…he sent a “friend” to do his DNA test? … like whaaaaat? And you just let that go? I’d of seen red 11 years ago and blew the story wide open. Oouuff 
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What was the point of what you did? Was it to benefit your child or yourself. You might need a bit of therapy to figure out your motives and move on.
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I would have wanted to know immediately if I were the wife. But I rather know late than never. It’s a really effed up situation and would probably break me (if I were in the wife’s shoes) but if you didnt tell her all it would take is your son and one of her kids or family members to do an ancestry type thing and boom. The cats outta the bag. Better for her to hear it now than another decade + MORE down the road.
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Very poor form on your part. I’m sure you not only hurt your son but a whole other family. That shit should have been out in the open from the open and there are mistakes that happen, but the biggest mistake is not using protection with a stranger. That left you open to the situation and responsible. If you wanted anything from him you should have straight up from the beginning dealt with it. Very poor form
You say you had no choice but to reach out for your son, does your son have health issues & you want to know if its genetic? Or what
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You should have kept it to herself. Like 
if it was your decision to raise him by yourself, what made you after 11th yrs decide to go tell his wife/even bother him??? Not saying he gets a pass he was wrong for his actions. But u made it clear you was ok with raising him alone. So that’s what got me confused. Btw stop 
acting like you care abt his wife feelings. Cause you really don’t. And by telling her what do you want to happen?? Are you ready to stop raising your son by yourself/you just wanted to let his wife know cause he was happily
Living life w/o u and his son???
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Girl you did the right thing for you and your child.
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If you felt bad for her, why did you do it. Spite has a way of coming around and biting you. I have been in her place
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I think that you made your choice when you decided to raise your child on your own. I’m not sure why you did what you did. Involve him from the beginning or simply don’t. This is home wrecker energy. 11 years? Yeah okay…
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11 years ago u shud have gone to his wife not now!! Whats the point
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Why would you do that? You’re kind of an asshole…you decided to raise him on your own. You never should have told her.
Only problem I see is why wait 11 years to reach out?
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I don’t understand why you told her. Why didn’t you go to court and have him court ordered to do a paternity test. How did his friend do the paternity test for him? I didn’t know who my father was till I was 27 years old and when he went to do it they asked him for Id. It wasn’t through the courts and they still asked. I get if your son is asking doing it for him but why call his wife? What were you hoping to happen? Do you think she’s not going to resent you and your son??
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Why now is the question? What is your son going to gain from a family that doesn’t want him? Should have just kept it to yourself. Not for him, he deserves to be outed as a cheater.
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So, I’m reading the comment section and I’m kinda blown away. Where is his accountability in all this? He’s the one who stepped outside his marriage & got another woman pregnant. We don’t know this anonymous OP. Maybe she knew he was married, maybe she didn’t. Most of what I see on here is that she should’ve just kept her mouth shut. Although I see where she should’ve mentioned something a long time ago, but she’s past that now. No, she shouldn’t have continued to keep her mouth shut, regardless of the years that’s passed. Her son & the wife’s children deserves to know about one another. They shouldn’t be kept secret from each other, because the dad made crappy choices. This is just my opinion. I think she did the right thing by saying something.
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I was in the same situation but I was the wife & I found out sooner 
SHE DESERVED TO KNOW THE SECOND YOU FOUND OUT ABOUT HER… pregnant or not, you did this for yourself not your son! I hope karma messes up your life every chance it gets (& his)!!!
STOP SLEEPING WITH MARRIED MEN, IT FUCKS UP MORE THAN YOU THINK!!
What’s the end game here? You decided to raise your son on your own. He knew he had a child and chose not to participate. What were you looking for? What did you want to happen?
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Wow. 11 years later? Why? Sent his friend for the paternity test? Yeah right. Something about this just doesn’t add up. Why not go through the court? Then he would be mandated by them to take a paternity test and you would at least get child support. You knew exactly what you were doing and it was conniving and selfish. I feel bad for your child… because he has a mother like you.
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You did the right thing and you’re a hell of a better woman than me because I would have contacted whoever I needed to a lot sooner!!!
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If I was the wife I’d want to know too. No matter how much time has passed.
But I’m honestly confused about what you are needing here
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So the consequence of your actions got you feeling blu, you didn’t need help when the baby had you sleep derived. You didn’t need help when you were over worked and stressed. You didn’t need help at all in those 11 yrs? Why now? You could had all this out in the open when you first realized he was married and not claiming your child. So the friend that took the DNA test for him isn’t paying child support? The courts was like I hear what you saying so the court won’t hold anyone responsible for fathering your child. Why Now? Accountability for all participants is and was lost!
Did she deserve to know? Absolutely
After 11 years and choosing to do it alone? No
You should have done all this in the beginning 
but what’s done is done I hope you get what your looking for
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Now you told her and just make sure you protect your child. Don’t let his family, him, the wife or their kids treat your son like garbage.
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The comments in here are fucking stupid y’all are stupid it doesn’t matter whether she did it now or before she did it for a reason which we do not know it could’ve been anything. If any of y’all had a decent reading capability you guys would know that she THOUGHT the wife already knew about this. If I was his wife I’d want to fucking know too. There are so many logical reason why she might’ve done what she did simple.
Good for you. She deserves to know what she is married to. Nobody in these conversations ever acknowledges that the wife has a right to know what everyone around her already knows. Imagine being married to a man who would abandon his child and not knowing about it.
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Everyone shaming her for reaching out to his wife bc its been too long??? Yall are wild!
How about the childs right to know their father???
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You feel horrible for her having to find out from you. 
After 11 years of holding on to the jealousy that he has a family and you don’t, you tried ruining his life. I’m beginning to believe these aren’t actually “fan questions,” more like dumbest scenarios possible. A troll of a Facebook page, perhaps.
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WOW! All of these women trying to blame it on the mom. The guy should have been a man. It’s not her fault he cheated on his wife & did not tell his wife of a possible child. Unfortunately the wife needed to know. There really is no easy way to tell someone. The guy had 11 years to say something. To do something. Why is the woman always to blame? Especially by another woman. That guy did not pay a penny for 11 years, never took care of his child. That’s disgusting!!! And shame on you, each one of you who blame the mom!!!
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Does anyone with responses to this realize that there is an 11yr old looking for his family. Yes the mother choose to raise him on her own 11yrs ago but that was before her child was able to voice what he wanted. Not fair to not reach out for her son and for the other siblings know they have a brother. The father is the one wrong completely he owes it to his wife and family to have told them.
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I’m not sure what you were trying to do there but ew.
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He should’ve been put on child support the minute you gave birth.
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I’m interested in knowing more about the dad having a friend take a DNA test in his place 
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Yeah you did turn her life upside right he whole marriage was a lie should have done it sooner.
I think u did the right thing. At 11 is when kids start asking questions about their real parents if they haven’t met them. You did right by your child and the lady definitely deserved to know. He made his choice. Plus, your son and and their kids deserve to know they’re are siblings. If they were to do one of those ancestry DNA tests they would’ve found out anyway.
I’d want to know. Chances are, this wasn’t his only time cheating. He could have a bunch of kids out there. I wouldn’t feel guilty either. 
it sucks for the wife, but this is the husband’s fault. He’s the one who cheated and lied about it for at least 10 years. She deserves to know he is a liar and cheater. And the kid deserves to know the truth too
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I woulda reached out alot sooner. like right after birth but good for u…i just dont understand y 11years later lol
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I don’t understand why everyone is standing up for a man that cheated on his wife, got someone else pregnant, completely ignored the child for 11 years & didn’t even mention it to his wife! Am I missing something here? Maybe she shouldn’t have waited 11 years but that is the only thing the op did wrong here! Her son has absolutely no fault here & if his father don’t want anything to do with him maybe the wife can at least let the kid have a relationship with his siblings! Idk I would have wanted to know to cuz eventually the child will be an adult looking for his dad!
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Did you write this just to clear your conscience? I’m at a loss here. While I understand in one way, I feel like you chose to do this on your own so why now? It almost seems selfish to me.
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You’re a better woman than me. I wouldn’t have waited 11 years!! But, you did thr right thing. Don’t beat yourself up! If I was the wife. I’d want to know. Preferably asap, but, i would want to know regardless of how many years have passed.
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She deserved to know 11years ago, or maybe even 9 or 10 wouldn’t be so bad. You waited literally a decade to tell this woman you slept with her husband and had his child. You and him would be done, I hope she leaves him at least. Good lord 
you did not at all do this for his wife. I’d want to know, but I sure wouldn’t want you to wait over 10y. I’d rather not know at that point 
poor kid.
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PUT YOURSELF IN THIS LADIES SHOES. Or even the wife’s. Wouldn’t you want to know if your husband had an affair on you? Wouldn’t you like to know if your children has other siblings? Why does he get to go on living life happily and get to abandon a child? He knew the consequenceswhen he laid down with this woman. Pay the price for your actions. Even if he doesn’t want anything to do with the child he should at least be obligated to financially support him. I wouldn’t have waited this long but I think she had good intentions. She attempted contact with him/his family and he ignored her so all she had left as an option was his wife. We don’t know why she reached out. It could have been a financial situation, the child could have wanted to know his father, medical issues, etc. You don’t know how you would handle a situation until you are in it yourself. Y’all better stay humble.
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No you did everything you possibly could and that was a last resort and it is not your fault he was dishonest from the very beginning you were deceived she was deceived.
You feeling bad it’s just empathy for the whole situation and there’s nothing wrong with that.
Why did u do this? Why not let it be??? Good grief u didn’t know. I mean first sign would be him sending someone else for DNA test. Why be the lady that wrecked his marriage and family after all this time. I mean I would have done it sooner. Not sure why u waited then done it
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It’s like everyone missed the part where she chose to raise this child alone and waited over a decade to go tell this woman. Can you imagine? She should have told her years and years ago. It’s literally not ok at all how she handled this
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Why, after YOU decided to do it alone, did you change your mind after 11 years? Just curious. Did it get too hard? I think I would’ve told her sooner, honestly.
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This is icky to be honest. You felt like you had to ruin this lady’s life or turn her world upside down why? You thought your child should have some time with siblings or bio dad? That ship obviously sailed long ago. Part of me feels that if this isn’t a troll post, then you maybe just maybe only now found out who she was. Would you have done this back then or was this just a thing to do to get back at him? I understand your son wants to know bio dad but cmon!
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I feel there is more to this story. I don’t believe anyone can take a DNA test in place of another. You have to have ID.
No one is saying the dude isn’t in the wrong; they are saying you decided to raise the child on your own, and you should have gone after him the moment you found out. Not wait 11 years after you made the choice to raise him alone.
I also don’t believe you feel bad for telling this lady either. The whole situation seems off.
Bc as you now have a DNA test that says he isn’t the father. When they go in to take a test, they 100% ask for ID
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If you wasn’t interested in doing it when the child was born why wait this long and tear the lady’s world upside down
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Nobody is a winner in this situation. I’m just curious why you waited 11 years? You could’ve spared this women 11 years of heartbreak
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You did nothing wrong, your kid now has a voice and is able to say he wants to know more about his father. It’s bound to happen. Now the tricky part is going to be how the father reacts to it. If he actually has something to do with him or not, if he chooses not to than your son will get hurt in the long run. But atleast you will be able to tell him you tried and show him where you did attempt.
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I personally would not push the issue n just get on with life
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These are the same women that get mad at the mistress instead of their husbands when they have an affair 
y’all get that this man stepped out on his wife, lied to a women stating that he was single, got her pregnant then abandoned his own son right? He did this so heartlessly that you couldn’t possibly believe it’s been his only affair which is why the wife isn’t mad she’s devastated. OP you did the right thing, your son deserves a father BUT this more than likely won’t change his mind about being involved. Get your child support and put it towards a college fund if you don’t need it, that’s the least that man can do for his son.
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The amount of people saying what if he’s not the father is sickening!! Pretty sure She wouldn’t have done it if she wasn’t 100% sure 
smh disgusting!!
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I’m confused on the DNA test. So did it come back as he was not the father and you assumed he sent a friend? Because if he was the father, a child support order would have been enforced. If you knew he sent a friend I’m sure you would have had proof to submit to child support enforcement. (Not saying they actually would pay but an order would be enforced)
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my opinion, you made the choice to raise the child alone, nearly over a decade ago. so why now? it should of been done sooner.
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I’ve never experienced this but She cannot be judged for how long she waited. Sometimes we as women feel neglected and our strength, independence and PRIDE(especially when it comes to our childr3n) clouds our judgement. Maybe she wanted to take it to her grave at first, but with maturity and wisdom and over time, she realized that it wasn’t right… If not for her anyone else, she needed to air the laundry for her son… I salute her for coming out about it and especially for posting it here. Everything in the dark comes to the light whether its 20 minutes or 20 years.
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You waited 11 years!!!
You made a decision 11 years ago and should’ve kept it. Waiting 11 years to reach out is cruel
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The kid has a right to know and so do they they will adapt life will go on better now then when the old man dies
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