Financial abuse.
If your husband wanted the kids out of daycare HE should have stayed at home.
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Thatās not fairā¦you sacrificed your job for HIS comfort. My husband works, we have 6 kidsā¦Iām currently a sahm. And he provides all necessities and some wants and If he canāt right then he will the next weekā¦
Iām a SAHM and I cover all the bills. We have 1. Joint bank account and then whatās left after bills we just use accordingly
OP you DO NOT NEED PERMISSION
To work.
You are not his property. He is not your boss. WORK.
Iām a SAHM of 3. My husband makes good money. I control all finances because he has no concept whatsoever. A portion of his check goes into our joint acct, the rest goes into his acct. Bills and utilities get paid from the joint acct. Groceries go on the credit card and then get paid from the joint acct. If for some reason I want or need money in my own acct, I just transfer it over.
Financial and emotional abuse is not ok, ever! Does your partner know how it is effecting your mental health? Does he know that it is hurting you? I can only speak from my own experience but Iāve found that MEN ARE DUMB 
Umm. This is abuse. Emotional & financial abuse. Leave him and put those kids in daycare, they will be fine! Get a job and get on LIVING your life.
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If you arenāt making the decision TOGETHER for you to stay home, and you arenāt budgeting your expenses and savings TOGETHER, that is a problem entirely on its own. If he is the one making these decisions and demanding they be done his way, that is controlling, toxic, and one of the first signs of abuse that could later lead to other types of abuse. I am of the belief that when youāre married, there is no āhis and hersā. I realize and respect that that may not work for everyone. I stay home and we literally still make even the smallest financial decisions, together. He is not entitled to more or worth more just because he works. We both make sacrifices so I can stay home, because that is something that is important to us. However, we both respect each other and recognize that not every financial situation is easy. I think this situation needs to be nipped really quickly before his control spreads to other areas of your life and you become even more angry and resentful, and neglected.
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This is abuse! I lived it for 4 years! This is mental, emotional, financial abuse. Do not put up with it
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Well if itās āhis moneyā not āour moneyā tell him youāre going back to work pt/ft so you can have some money of āyour own moneyā and he can watch them when youāre working or help with daycare. You can find a job around his hours so they are not there as much. Sounds like a control thing and not a bad experience with daycare thing. My opinion
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I use to be in this situation. Itās abuse. Find someone to watch your kids n go get job. And your own place to live.
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Not sure where you are based, are you entitled to child tax credits or child benefit?
Idk my husband gives me 500 a week and keeps the rest i dont know how much he makes thoā¦ And i take care of the house and stuff
You need a whole new man babe. Period.
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I feel strongly that in todayās society atleast here in the US, itās hard finding men willing to play that role while being respectfulā¦it HAS to be established that you are enabling him to make that money and your entitled to some aswell. If it wasnāt for you he would have a hard time taking care of his responsibilities and you should imo knock him off his high horse and remind him of this. So many successful men in history fail to mention the sacrifices the woman in their life made to help support them. Demand your respect, if the moneyās not there its not there. But usually itās just arrogant men with this āIām not gettin played and supporting herā mindset. .its sad
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Im a SAHM and my husband let me spend 250 on a halloween party for the kids. Please reevaluate the situation
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In our relationship everything is 50/50 when I was a stay at home mom and he brought all the money it was still 50/50. The money went into one account and we both had access to itā¦ I manage the bills and we talk about where itās going. I have just as much access and ability to spend money as he does. In my opinion if you love him you have to communicate how your feeling and then its up to him on how he will respond and once he responds you then have to decide if thatās how you want to live your life.
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053 9121876
Wexford womenās refuge. Give them a call and just talk. Theyāll help you figure out whatās going on and what steps you can take should you decide to.
No, it is not okay for one partner to be in control over the other. I really hope he can see sense and act on it.
Much strength to you 
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I hate to say it ā¦your being controlled not loved!
Explain this to him if he continues I suggest going it alone for your own sake and your children you will all be better off 
Sending love and strength xx
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No money and I ask for no money. I have a roof over my head, a warm bed to sleep in, food in the fridge and cabinets and a full dresser of clothes. Iām Content with what I have, I donāt need extra cash to get my nails or hair done and I donāt nag about money. Though heās OK with me buying a few things Iām just not comfortable with spending money on things I donāt really need.
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Iām a sahm and his money is our money because we are building together. 
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Thatās why I didnāt stay a SAHM very long. Even though I was technically one, I was still picking up at work 3 days out of the month. I had to make $300 last me all month for anything I wanted to buy for myself. With my last born I went back to work before I was even cleared 
It shouldnāt matter that he brings in the money when you are married it becomes both together.
Itās always been our money even before we got married and lived together and both worked it was our money.
He has never told me I canāt spend what is needed for our kids,house,or my needs as long as bills are paid.
I am a disabled SAHM and itās still the same.
Would I love to work yes but my body wonāt allow it.
Get out while you can,He is controlling you and it will only get worse as time goes on.
If youāre married. Thatās just really unacceptable. You should be on his account whether you work or not. You are a TEAM. If youāre providing for yourself and doing everything for yourself what do you need him for?
Sounds like youāre both a living single lives but heās getting a free babysitter. (Sorry if that was too harshā:grimacing:)
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Iād personally get a job & put the kids in daycare 
He doesnāt want them in daycare, he can either stay home with them or figure out an alternate arrangement.
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Iād be charging him for my hourly wage if he wanted to be like that
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Your husband isnāt your boss. They are your kids too. If you want to work go do it. Hes keeping you home and broke. Thats abusive and not right. You should have full access to the bank account and if youāre truly struggling whether he likes it or not you should get a job. I doubt he would be able to pay you a high amount in child support if you left him in order for the kids to stay out of daycare so he better get over himself or shits about to hit the fan, it would if it were me anyways
My husband is in charge of money and organizing it. But if I tell him I want to do something we figure something out. Keeping me sane and happy is just as important
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He wouldnāt have a choice for the kids to go if u have a job fuck him. Do what u want.
That sounds like a control issue. You nedd to leave asap
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Thatās actually shocking. Like really shocking. If you want to work you work. He canāt force you to stay home and then not give you any money to live on!
You are working! Youāre looking after the children. He needs to pay you day care money! This doesnāt sound like a loving relationship. Itās seems like he is totally controlling you! You need to go get your job back if you love it.
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This is a huge red flag. Very controlling and possibly even abusive.
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You should be getting daycare and housekeeping pay. Doulas make bank.
This whole statement just screams red flags. Get out while you can.
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SAHM is a JOB!! You cook, clean, talk care of kids, do laundry, probably the grocery shopping, take care of cuts scrapes etc, tend to him when he comes home. So yes you do work. Hard!! You are a mom, wife, nurse, baker, housekeeper, chef, all rolled into one person. You deserve a break. You deserve a little something for yourself as a treat. Itās not easy to be with kids and at home 24/7. Moms never get a clock in and out time. Moms donāt get sick leave. Moms donāt get a holiday off. Moms donāt get the weekend off.
While I do agree with the dad to not use a daycare, I also see you deserve a break and a reward. I raised 2 boys and they never seen the inside of a day care or a preschool. Until kindergarten they were with their dad or with grandparents. My husband chose to be a stay at home dad and I worked til my kids were almost grown actually. It just worked out better that way. He helped me at home and I worked. I enjoyed it being that way and we were happier as a couple and as parents. My kids were safe and taken care of.
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Iām a sahm and I never have to ask him how much to give me he actually gives me a weekly allowance bc we have 3 kids together and I love to save, and he also pays the bills so whenever we do things on the weekend is on me bc I have money saved up. Anything we need we have each otherās back. We been together since we were teens and of course it was difficult at first but as he matured and became a man he started helping alot, Iām pretty sure your husband is still maturing not a man smh I would honestly work a part time where when he is home he watches the baby and u go to work.
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My husband gave me an allowance for just me 50-100$ a week, and things like groceries and gas do not count from that. We have a joint banking acct that we both see when the other spends and discuss any purchases that are over 50$.
I liked having my own money as well so I started tutoring at home and working at a daycare a few days a week. I can keep my kids with me and have pocket money
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Sounds more like he likes to control you so get a job and child care
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Wow. Imagine thinking your sacrificed anything by raising your children yourself
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Dear you already know the answer or you wouldnāt be asking 
reread what you wrote except from your best friend ā¦ what would you tell her if she told you all this.
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Hubby works & Iām a SAHM. I control our finances for the most part. I take his check,pay bills,get what we need for the house,make sure we both have gas & make sure he has a little cash in his wallet. If one of of wants to make a large purchase,we discuss it first.
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He doesnt want them to go. He stays home.
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That is NOT normal sahm mom stuff. Or at least it shouldnāt be. Before my husband and I were even engaged he said that because we agreed for me to stay home, it was OUR money. I have a card to the account and do not contribute to it. I donāt have to ask him for anything. Our agreement is that if itās over a certain dollar amount, we let the other person know. Heās not my parent, I donāt have to ask his permission. If this is something he wanted, he needs to accept full responsibility which includes getting necessities and the occasional wants. But also, if you want to work you definitely should. Otherwise itās just going to cause resentment. See if a friend or family member is willing to watch the kids while you work. Even if you just want a part time job. That way youāre making your own money and get to do what you want with it.
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We both work outside the home so Im not sure itās my opinion you want, but you need compensated for your work! That is ridiculous! We have 3 checking accountsā¦ mine, his, & ours & all of us, including the kids have our own savings. We have the same amount from our checks deposited into our checking accounts, then a lower amount deposited into each savings account. All the rest goes into our joint account. We pay bills and buy groceries out of the joint account. Our gas, eating out, or anything not budgeted for comes from our individual accounts.
I can be a little spiteful but if I were you I quit working for him. Do what you have to to take care of yourself and your babies, and if that means they go to daycare, put them in daycare (if youāre comfortable with it). If he wants things to be done differently then he needs to make sacrifices to make that happen.
Also, my husband and I do very different workā¦ but we both agree that being home with the kids all day is THE HARDEST job! Kudos to you!!
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This is definitely NOT normal. I am a stay at home mom, by choice. For us it was a mutual decision. We discuss major purchases but if I need something or just want something, I am free to get it.
We are currently financially strained due to the whole pandemic crap but even so, we are trying not to stress and it is still OUR money that he brings in.
I would not be okay with the situation that you are in and I would have left with my LOs if this were the case.
My fiancƩ works and I stay home with our 16 month old and also my two bonus girls 12 and 14 50% of the time. He makes sure we have everything we need and want. I can go anywhere and everywhere and just use cards them he pays them monthly we have an amazing system together I think
Ummmmm me and my husband have a joint account and we both have access to all the household money at anytime. No one has to ask permission or feel shamed to buy something they need or want. Thatās a sad way to live
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My SO takes care of everything and if I do need anything he gets it for me. It should be 50/50. He needs to show support to you also. Not fair that you stay home and take care of kids all day and he just controls everything.
This sounds very controlling, you should have equal access to the money, especially if heās the one not letting you work
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Thats called controlling and you can do as you please. He can stay home
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My husband and I have joint act. Always been this way. He is only one working but we both control income. I pay bills do shopping so on. He even asks me for big purchases if itās ok. Cause itās our money. Not just his.
I would be really concerned with someone controlling so much.
Coming from the other side here. Thereās no reason why that is just his money. My wife is staying at home currently and going to school. She goes and does what she pleases and I want her to. If thereās money to be spent then sheās more than welcome to have at it. It sounds like you have someone that wants to be in total control. I could imagine how miserable this is. When he gets home just start leaving.
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Iām a sahm currently in college (online classes), still breastfeed so itās a challenge especially come dec when I start my practicum. My boyfriend/childs father is amazing, he helped pay for my schooling and yes itās not perfect we have disagreements. He buys me things and always gives me money for whatever I need/want. Compromising in a relationship especially when children are involved is a big thingā„ļø I could never imagine what you are going through, but we mommas are tough and sometimes those hard decisions need to be made.
Iām a sham but I hold the purse strings always have done he works for his family and tips up all his pay I sort all the Billās out and well everything I spend what we need and then I spend what I want on me and my family easy I worked for 27 yrs till recently now we have 2 little girls who always come first cos thatās what proper family do I wouldnt put up with his bullchit he would be gone
Im a stay at home mom i dont want or need for nothing your man sounds controlling an unfair
He sounds like he likes to be in control. If he wants someone to stay with the kids so they dont go to daycare, HE can give up his job and stay home. Girl you better go do what you wanna do. Get that job and get some childcare, youāre gonna end up resenting him cuz heās a real asshole
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sorry but itās not his choice alone. heās being unreasonable. if i were you iād be getting a job and looking into daycares. he may have had a bad experience but heās a grown man now and itās his responsibility to deal with things that trigger him, itās not your job to lay down your life for his controlling behaviour. if he canāt compromise you may have to think about leaving. i know that sounds harsh but it is what it is
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Get a job to where he comes home to watch the babies and you go to work. He will complain that he worked all day and is tired but you worked all day and are tired too and now you have to go clock in for work. He might get tired of it and start giving you an āallowanceā for yourself but it sounds like heās very selfish and wonāt like the fact of having to share āhisā money with you. Or maybe if it were posible to have family babysit instead of a day care?? Good luck with your issue.
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If i need something I let him know and he gets it. I have access to the money too. It is not HIS money. His money is my money and so on. My value is not based solely on if I have a job. Iām his partner, friend, mother to his child. I cook, clean, go to school full-time.
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No matter whether youāre at home or not.
If you are both not in control and discussing finances together then theyāre using them to control you.
I didnāt start at home.
He spent all the money.
Finally left - find out he had been hiding accounts and retirement while spending all my money.
Make sure you have money in just your control if he has money in just his.
If you trust each other then there will be no secrets, and he would want you protected.
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husband and I both have worked and each made good livings independently. We recently had our second baby and with the cost of day care, and travel time we found that itās probably best if I stay home and raise the kids for a few years. I definitely miss being a working mom though I know this time with my children is priceless 
all of this being said I have taken over all the bills. My husband gives me all the income. We have a joint account and then we have an account that we use strictly for bills. This way all of our payments can be set up on auto and everything comes out of that account. We share the money thatās left over including savings. Neither of us are over spenders by any means, our kids always have nice clean clothes 
my husband and I buy ours as we need them. I know our scenario might not work with everyone but itās worked for us. I grew up with a mother who stayed at home and never went back to work until recently when her nest was empty (Iām the oldest of 4) my dad was the bread winner and handled all the bills, my mom received a weekly allowance. The amount depended on how good the income was, as it varied because he is/was a contractor. I donāt think that your current situation is healthy, working or fair.
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This sounds like the beginnings of DVā¦ Control.
Listen to your gut. You are not being selfish.
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This is not okay, and it is not normal SAHM stuff. I was one for a few years and while yes he made the money, we are a partnership. It was OUR money, because we were sharing OUR lives together. Not to say I went around spending money all the time, and yes I did take care of most of the financial responsibilities and balancing the checkbook. But its about balance, compromise and supporting each other. You and your kids deserve that.
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Sounds to me heās behaving as ALPHA in the house, and at work. This is not how it works. SAHM takes care of household finances and errands, dad gets his spending money and mum gets hers regardless of who put in hours at work. Sounds to me he has you where he wants you. Thats not the appreciative and loving behavior a husband shows towards his beautiful wife
Itās not the greatest advice but donāt clean anything he uses like clothes, dishes, his junk and if he wants you to take care of him and his stuff start charging him money for it your there to raise his children not him
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Gosh thatās so horrible to read, so sorry you are in this situation! Sorry but this type of behaviour definitely ticks the āpower & controlā boxes of a domestic violence checklist! 
youāre definitely not being selfish and he is definitely not being fair or reasonable at all.
You are his wife, not his employee.
This is abuse hun. Not only is he keeping money from you but heās isolating you.
This isnāt normal or healthy. My husband works a full time job and then solely runs our business. All I have to do is ask and there are times he just gives me money without me asking. I have full access to the money.
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OH MY GAWDā¦thatās horrible to live that wayā¦I am so sorryā¦
This is how our household worksā¦I had to take an early retirement because of a mental conditionā¦that we were trying to find the right meds to help meā¦it took a good 18months to 2years to get everything rightā¦I had always worked because I āwantedā toā¦we have one Son now 22yrs oldā¦I worked for our School district which worked out great because I was off when our Son was offā¦
When our Son was bornā¦I had stopped working, than i did āhaveā to workā¦just for extra stuff, not anything neededā¦we discussed me going back to work and I clearly said NOā¦MH sat me down and told meā¦āwhen you want more than I can give you with the money I makeā¦than you will have to go back to workā¦ā I PROMISED him I NEVER wouldā¦almost 25years later I have never asked for moreā¦
I worked because I was boredā¦extra spending moneyā¦since I have quit workingā¦
He provides for everything. As ALWAYSā¦I still have my own checking acct that he keeps money in for meā¦not an extraordinary amount but a couple a hundred dollars in savings and checkingā¦You get the Picā¦
What your husband is doing is PURE BULLSHITā¦put your foot down and tell him "He is NOT providing for his family like he shouldā¦SO YOU ARE GOING BACK TO WORKā¦ And he needs to GET OVER IT his BULLSHIT.
OR YOU ARE LEAVING.
Life is too short to be living in BULLSHIT.
Wishing you the BEST, Doll.
You Deserve It.
He sounds super controlling and I for one wouldnāt deal with all that. This is unhealthy. Wrong on multiple levels. He doesnāt let you leave the house??
Sounds to me like you are in a controlling/abusive relationship and your S/O got you right where he wanted you, unfortunately!
To quit your job, be home and not have any $.
To have to need him for everything!
It is not normal!!
You are going to have a tough time getting back into work and your kids in daycare. Iād take any $ you have and enroll your kids in daycare (borrow $ or take his $ , bank acct maybe if your name is on it, save any $ he gives ) you and get a job so you can get $ of your own and then save to find a place for you and your kids and file for divorce.
Lots of good opinions here. I dont know if youāre seeing how controlling he is. If your SO is not taking anything you want or need into consideration for negotiation, it just might be time to change your mind on being in a relationship, at least with him. People treat you how you allow them to or accepting that level of participation. Love yourself enough to step back and weigh out your true wishes and never let anyone make you think you are wrong in your desires. Good luck
This to me is financial abuse, king of the castle antics.
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Iāve been a stay at home mom for four years, and I have and get everything I want when I want it. Itās OUR money. Not his. I pay every bill and budget our money on top of taking care of four little ones. My husband donāt even know what bills we have or when they are due. He works, I take of at home business. Including bills. This is abuse and the first signs of dv
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We work as a team. If thereās something one of us wants or needs individually , we put it on the list and it gets budgeted in. He was on his own for years and I was pretty iously a sahm with a certain type of lifestyle I no longer have , but he tries. Or I hustle my crafts n stuff to get what I want but generally we budget things in.
I am a stay at home mom. But taking some classes online. My boyfriend works and makes all the money but he would never say no to me if i told him our home need something like food or me and kids needed something.
For your man to say its his money and you dont deserve to get any is complete bullshit and controlling. I would leave and never look back.
This is not normal this is financial abuse. You are both entitled to the household money to be available to both you for your needs and wants. A family budget and spending money for each of you. If he doesnāt want to add you to his personal account then open a joint account together for household expenses like food haircuts clothing ect. Itās only his money when he is single living alone.
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Put the kids in daycare! Go back to work! For God sake do not marry him. This is coming from a Grandmother.
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No not at all I am a stay at home mom who never intended on it but because I have worked in daycare and know what it costs i would basically be working to pay for child care which is silly for us. Hardest part was adjusting to not having my own money even tho I would have given him every cent when he needed it or counted on it. He went to monmouth university for 5 years for a degree he spent 2 years trying to get a job in just to drop that go back to school (still in school) and joined a union and as a apprentice he makes more than he would with that degree. He does provide everything, I dont really ask for things that arent home necessitys or things our daughter needs. My hair hasnāt been done in 2 years almost and my shoes are borderline talking but our bill are paid, our bellies full, mortgage paid on time and money for groceries. You so sounds selfish not you and asking you to give up your career simply because of a bad expirience is wrong. We made the decision together and I still work in the summer or weekends (Iām in my 3rd trimester with our 2nd so Iām not working currently) but I still consider myself a stay at home mom because my schedule revolves around everyone elses
Hes not your daddy. He is a control freakā¦and now he has u under his thumb. . Hire a nanny and go back to work. If he doesnāt like itā¦show him the door
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Since your not marriedā¦talk to a lawyerā¦custody is assumed with the motherā¦but
Excuse me? What in the Actual fk did I just read??? Bc HE had a Bad experience with daycare YOU have to SACRIFICE and stay home with No access to household funds? Absolutely F*ing not! Daycares have CAMERAS with parent portals Now, and if you want to work, YOU dont need his god damn permission to do so, it NOT 1920, its NOT HIS MONEY, if you filed for Divorce tomorrow You UNDER THE LAW are ENTITLED to HALF of all marital ASSETS including but limited to Half of every dollar in ALL bank accounts, 401k, IRA, properties, income tax! With holding funds, is a CONTROL TACTIC, pitching fits bc you want to get out of the house is a CONTROL TACTIC! And its Absolutely ABUSIVE! What YOU allow,is what will continue sister. If I were YOU the next thing I would call MOM for is a place to stay while going through the DIVORCE PROCESS! Fuck all that dumb shit, Ol boy need to hit his knees and THANK GOD he has a woman to TOLERATE his shit, this womanās Mugshot would look like psychotic selfie!
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Iām a stay at home mama and my husband shares his money with our whole household. All he makes goes on us and our family. He rarely if ever gets anything for himself and he busts his ass daily.
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I control all the finances he probably gives himself 50 to $100 a week it isnāt because Iām controlling itās because Iām better with paying things online and keeping up with what needs to be paid. He tried to do it for 3 months and we ended up getting something cut off so he gave control back. He would never say that to me without watching me pack my bags after. He BEGS me to buy myself things but I come from a extremely low income childhood so Iām terrified 20$ on myself will send us into financial turmoil. Iām a SAHM.
Abuse, straight upā¦ a grown adult shouldnt have to ask to workā¦ if he was a supportive partner heād not make an argument about it.
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That would be a horrible way to live, heās basically treating you like a live in nanny. My husband isnāt the greatest and we fight alot about money but, we have a joint account where all of the money goes. I take care of everything financial, he makes the money. Team effort. Honestly, itās not your mans place to tell you that you canāt work, heās not your father, he doesnāt own you. Know your worth!
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Iām a stay-at-home for 3 years now heās the only one that works and has savings if I need anything for me, kids or home I just ask for an amount he gives it to me not counting groceries and going out but if I want something like from the store a snack or something just for wanting it I also recycle our plastic bottles and I go to recycle them I get to keep the money since Iām the one that puts them away and I get to use it for anything I want you could also sell things around the house you donāt use or need you could babysit look for a part time job just have yr fam watch the kids
That is so much control right thereā¦
He has huge control over you.
Clearly you arenāt happyā¦ so put ur foot down and make changes. (I did! And im far happier and independent)
The daycare thingā¦
Is his issueā¦
Tell him to see a counsellor. Iād be applying for jobs myselfā¦ he doesnt need to know, if he doesnāt want to talk about it anywayā¦
Once u get workā¦
Tell him ur putting kids in daycareā¦
If he doesnāt like it, ur fighting and he only cares for his opinions or feelings on it allā¦
Then u need to ask yourself why u are with him?
Jesus girlā¦ life is to short.
Iāve realised this myself! Iām 28 with a toddler, im working and for sometime had been so unhappy in my relationshipā¦ i tried everything to make us work but he didnāt want the things i wanted, became moody and short fused, no affectionā¦ just nothing.
I said ok thatās it were done.
Live by myself, raise my son, work, see friends and family when I want, do what i want when I want, got noone to hold me back living my life how I want to.
Its a great feeling!! And until someone comes along who can sweep me off my feetā¦ im happy where Iām at.
Not to mention, for meā¦
Im far better off financially being a working mum receiving income from work and single parent pmts as well as reduced $$ in daycareā¦ then what I was when I was with him.
Lookā¦as the stay at home parent, you are the household manager. Thatās your job. When you do your job as household manager, it allows your husband to go to work to do his job. The money that is earned is marital earnings. Read: shared earnings. You have just as much right to that money as he does. It is a bad idea to be financially dependent AND not have access to any of the financial information. You should have access to all of the bank accounts and credit cards. What if you two split up? Would he have you on the street without a penny? What if, God forbid, something should happen to him? You and the kids donāt have access to the bank accounts because heās not there to give you your allowance? I feel very strongly that women should be appreciated for the work they do whether you get a paycheck or not. And it doesnāt sound like you are being appreciated, my friend.
Donāt let that man control you. Take your life back if you want to work work. Find alternative childcare, tell him to take time of work or tell him the kids are going to daycare and if he doesnāt like it he can stay home.
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Ah no, not normal at all. All our things r joint accounts. Even on the accounts we have before we got married we added each other to. Him working doesnāt mean itās just his money. Itās the families money. I pay the bills and we share the money. Of course I donāt go over spending or buying crazy stuff for myself. But if I want to get my nails done I tell him and my husband says ok go, have so time away from the kids. Sacrifices must b made of course but why should only one parents make them? It took two to make those kids. And a marriage is a partnership, u guys r suppose to building each other up, not competing or acting like one maters more than the other. Iāve brought this up to my husband, I tell him I wish I could help him more and contribute to the house more, he ALWAYS says that what he makes is OUR money and that I do more than he does for this family. U should talk to him. What ur going thru doesnāt sound fair.
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We call that behavior narsasitic. Iād be leaving
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Iām a stay at home mam, my fiancĆ© works his arse off for our family and pays for 90% of everything, but he never once states that the money he earns is āhis moneyā he always says itās āour moneyā the bit of money I get pays for the shopping but if I need anything for myself Iām allowed to just get it, same with the kids 
To me he sounds like heās trying to control the financial situational your house which you shouldnāt allow, being a grown woman and feeling like you have to ask your mam for abit of extra money must be awful, get him told! You want to work you work! out of the home or from home, itās all beneficial to the household x
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My so takes care of household bills and expenses, but will give me the bank card without arguing if i need/want to get/buy something for me and the kids.
I second Krys, on this one.
Fight for your rights, go back to work, ditch the father, be safe
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Definitely not normal, You are a family so itās communal money not HIS. I would tell him he either hands over the finances to you solely, Or if you would prefer to put the kids in care and go back to work do it, it isnāt HIS choice and he has no right to dictate HIS wants above all else. Personally Iād be considering whether this type of man is even someone I want to continue a relationship with, You are a grown as adult, But youāve allowed yourself to be forced out of work and forced out of money ā¦ Itās embarrassing and you deserve better.
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As long as bills are paid and money is put in savings my hubby is pretty flexible we are able to put about $1k a month away for savings
This is financial abuse. The fact that HIS bad experience with daycare means that YOU have to stop working was my first red flagā¦but now heās not maintaining a basic standard of YOUR care is second. The third? His sheer inability to MANAGE said finances. You ARE working by taking care of the children. Itās work, itās labour and you should ABSOLUTELY be compensated for it. And you should not have to have an argument just to leave the house. This is abuse. Get a job and divorce him
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My hubby pays the bills and puts into spending money, and I put in the small amount I earn too. I spend on what I want, what i want for the kids, days out etc, without ever being questioned about it.
Its shared money in a relationship, especially one with kids, and even more so in one where heās the one stopping you earning your own spending money.
You need to speak to someone about help with financial abuse.
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Thats not normal. Heās being controlling and selfish. Honestly, I wouldnāt stay in a relationship like that at all. Thereās actually a thing called financial abuse, and thatās what heās doing to you.
Iād leave him and find my own place, and get my job back. He needs to realize daycare isnāt immediately bad, and you get a say in that decision, too.
I currently canāt work due to lack of child care so my fiance is the one making all the money. He gives me full financial control and asks me what heās allowed to spend after Iāve budgeted all our bills accordingly. I always find something for us to spend on ourselves.
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Nothing you said here is normal. You say youāre an adult so live like one not your husband other child
I dont get the acronymsā¦ Lmao!!!