Do breaks really break couples?

My husband and I have been having issues for quite a few months now and my mom is going on vacation for a few days so I was gonna stay down there with our son to get a break and my husband is not ok with it because “breaks lead to breakups” “if you leave , you’re not coming back” “your ex lives just right down the road” “I’m not ok with this”

Something’s gotta give. We honestly need something to break the tension all the time and to give each other a break for our sanity. Or just mine at least. I’m at a stand still with our argument. His love language is physical touch and mine is not. We struggle with that a lot. I don’t want to keep doing this for the rest of my life y’all.

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Just from personal experience… a break did ruin my relationship. Which is why I now believe that if you need a break in your relationship, then you probably shouldn’t be together. At the same time, relationships take work. If your both willing to fight for it then just tell him you need a breather, that things are getting to hectic for you. Maybe instead of going to your moms maybe get a hotel room for a night or two. It sounds like he’s insecure & is worried about your ex for some reason. Maybe you can meet in the middle, like the hotel room, so you can get a break and he can be more comfortable that your ex isn’t close by

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Do breaks really break couples?

I highly recommend you take your son and go and stay at your parents house. Some time apart is exactly what you need.

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No my partner and I was on a break for two years. We co parented and now we’ve been together for 3 years, it was the best decision for us! We have an amazing relationship now!

We’ve been together 12 years (with a 2year break)

However, this won’t work for every couple!! Maybe try going on a vacation together? Planning date nights. Sit down and try come to a conclusion on what you think will help you straighten it out xxx

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Don’t say break but, tell him you just want you and him to have your own time. To think about the future and about the fights and that when you come back you can both sit down and talk about your relationship together and communicate your needs.

It’s called a mental break. You are both still together however, you are both having time away from each other so you can think about the relationship and about your future.

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No they don’t. Sometimes you need a break to get perspective. But you need to define the break. Is it a true break where you’re broke up for a bit and can talk to others or sleep with them? Or is it one where you just need time apart but will remain monogamous. Its EXTREMELY important to define this.

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You already have your answer…

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The truth is MAYBE. Honestly sounds kinda like you’ve already decided how this is going to go. Did you talk about physical affection before marriage? Have you considered counseling? Personally I wouldn’t take a break but fight for my marriage but we are all different and only you fully know your circumstances.

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It hasn’t ended mine. We have had many breaks, including a divorce & brief moves out of state.

If you’re both determined that the end result you desire is to be together, you will be. It has to be wanted by both of you though.

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Mine and my husbands “break” was the best thing in the end.
It sucked during and we actually almost got a divorce but in the end we knew what we both really wanted and it was each other :heart:

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Knowing your partner’s love language does nothing if it’s not used as a tool to communicate your love in a way that resonates with them.

Love languages should be a balanced give and take, sometimes resulting in having to shift how we show our love to our partner. And expecting the same from them.

Perhaps a break can give you both time to shift your perspectives and approaches to the relationship.

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In my perspective, Just remember you two are different individuals who enjoy different things; on your trip away from each other tell each other what you have planned for that time away for, closer.

It’s different for everyone. But I truly believe if you let something go yous will find your way back if it’s meant to be, if not it’s was never yours! Goodluck honey it might be make or break but whatever happens it’s for the best xoxoxo

I think maybe you and your husband just need adult time. Make time for that. Go to counseling. Do and try anything:)

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Wait a mint u have a man who’s love language is touching and it bothers u? If your fights are about touching then u clearly just don’t love each other or settled because of pregnancy. And now that the baby is older u just thinking u made a mistake.

Also you could just be overwhelmed with having a baby and maybe he isn’t helping as much. A break can and can’t break u up. But if you guys are fighting best you take it. If he isn’t comfortable at your mum’s find somewhere he would be comfortable

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personally I would somewere else were ur ex isn’t just down the road

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Sounds like you need to listen to your own heart and do what you feel is right for you whether or not another person is happy with your choice … If your happiness really meant anything to him he would put your happiness first and that includes choices you make for yourself. It would be hard for him no one saying it isn’t for him but he needs to realise what you want and if he really does want this relationship to work that maybe this is what youse need to bring youse two closer

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If you can get out please do so. I have been stuck here for 50 years. Now just waiting for death. That would be better than living with him.

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Look, when we get overwhelmed with other things in life (work stresses, being a parent, etc) it’s encouraged to take a break. It helps with your stresses and being overwhelmed. Do they fix the issue immediately? No, but it allows you to take a step back from your environment, dissect what the issues are, and help create solutions.

Breaks don’t lead to a permanent split unless it’s absolutely necessary. Is splitting up the answer? Most likely it’s not, and a mini break will allow some clarity for the both of you, and there’s a high chance that the Ultimate solution won’t be that in particular. Changes definitely need to be made, but it’s a two way street. Reciprocity is so important in a relationship. Good luck to you and your family and I hope whatever conclusion you come to is in the benefit and best interest for all involved.

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If he is getting jealous he deff still loves you, do you do much as a family even if it’s just go for a walk etc? A time apart just to gather your thoughts sounds like a good plan, but if they ex is close and he gets jealous it may just make things worse, I’m a jealous person and if my partner wanted a break and I knew his ex was close by I’d be a little worried, good luck with what ever you decide I really hope it works out and you get some kind of sanity back xxx

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Why people chose others they aren’t compatible with has always boggled me. Like did you really think that both of you would be happy with only one of you having their needs met

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Honey… you’ve already got one foot out the door. Proceed with your plans and then just stay and file for divorce

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Y’all likely are not compatible. 🤷 He cannot make you touch or want touch. Either counseling or separation time. Marriage is not a hostage situation.

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Tell him to go and you will stay at home but you need some space

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Only if both agree with it and there’s no hanky panky when you do have a break

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Breaks either make or break a relationship. If they break it, then it was already broken and it was realized during the break. Tried couples counseling?

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That’s kind of a selfish stance to take saying you know your husband’s love language is physical touch, yet you “don’t want to do this the rest of your life”. Wtf does that even mean? If you love your husband, and you know what drives him, your reaction should be to do THAT, not run away from it and avoid it. You dont want a happy husband? Not because you have to but because you want to. Marriage was made for figuring things out and compromising. How can you do that when you seem hell bent on denying the one thing he needs to be happy in your marriage, and then wonder why he is unhappy and you argue? It ain’t about YOU, but both of you. It takes two to make a marriage work. Just because you’re not wired the same doesn’t mean you can’t make the effort. But you saying you don’t because it’s not your love language, is a huge red flag. As is the fact that you want to run away from your problems, child in tow. I wouldn’t be ok with that either! I don’t care how far away it is, I wouldn’t be ok with it at all. Alot can be said for the respect you show your spouse. You dont seem to care much about his feelings whatsoever, only yours. What is YOUR love language? Does your spouse make an effort to use that to make you happy? If not, there’s your problem. If so, the problem is you not wanting to do the work and put in the effort. A break isn’t going to help the latter issue.

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Therapy, he clearly has trust/abandonment issues, if you can’t be trusted to go for a few days head space that in its self is an issue, that wouldn’t be a problem in a healthy relationship… therapy!

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People just do not take marriage serious anymore it says or better or worse why don’t people understand that try to make your marriage work you married each other for a reason because you loved each other try and make your marriage work

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I personally don’t believe in “breaks” if there’s problems sort it out or go your own ways.

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If you can’t go to your Mama’s house for a few days without him, you have more problems than you even knew.

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You can’t leave the house for a few days? Is it a break in the relationship or just some time alone. Big difference.

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Why would you agree to marry a man that’s love language doesn’t suit what you need? And now all of a sudden it’s a problem!? No wonder the divorce rates are so high people so ready to get married but don’t even know who they’re marrying smdh…

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Breaks ruin relationships. Me n my husband took a break and we still talked and saw each other. Like we started dating again and bam he got another girl pregnant. We are still working on our marriage and the other girl is not accepting of me around the baby. It’s jus a bad situation

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My now ex didn’t listen or do as I suggested to help save our relationship. We now are single and as they said whether this is classified a break, a separation, temporary or for good right now we are not working. Things have since been good because any issues that revolve around a relationship don’t.

If they can not agree to what you need and it’s all about them it’s not a marriage

Question, why did you get married? And why don’t you want him touching you? :face_with_raised_eyebrow: most women would complain that their husbands aren’t touching or being affectionate enough.

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Ross and Rachel were on a break and they got back together :woman_shrugging:t3:

Like a PP said above, just define that the break is time apart from each other where you both stay monogamous and do self reflection. Absence can make the heart grow fonder. If you do this, try to find the reasons why you got married in the first place. There’s love there, you just have to water it!

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Sounds like yall need counseling.

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The ex is a concern, but even before that you should go to marriage counseling where the counselor is okay listening to each of you separately and together. It’s amazing how much you’re able to iron out with the right mindset. They allow you to uncover the hidden problem areas below the surface of everything you’ve mentioned so far. Also, listen to Dr. Phil’s book on audiobook, “Relationship Rescue”. He always says on his show, “When you’re mad at each other, turn toward your partner, not away.” It’s the best way to constantly fall back in love after any argument. It doesn’t happen overnight all the time, but it’s okay so long as you both remain steadfast in solving to get the goal of remaining together happily. Grudges, contempt, etc. They’re all states of mind. If someone tries to rip a marriage apart, it’s easy to see they’re the one that needs to be ignored and the partners need to see their union as the important union it is. Period. No other justification is needed. The second one of you gets upset, think about if you’ve been drinking or eating too much sodium, high blood pressure won’t help a relationship. Be physically aware of your nutrition and your health. It’s obvious you both still love each other, so just keep things simple and stop allowing yourself to get annoyed at innocuous things by giving yourself permission to accept new possibilities with your husband. He’s absolutely right. The second you open that door it gets easier to never return. That would be really sad. Also watch this incredible video by Dr. John Gray who wrote the Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus books: John Gray - Beyond Mars and Venus - How to get more from Relationships - YouTube it’s his, “Beyond Mars and Venus” talk. I think you’re on the right track asking what to do, and I think there’s still so much opportunity for growth and undeniable closeness you and your husband can feel with every passing disagreement hump. Everything is temporary. So, understand that it takes important work to keep the most important things together permanently. People nowadays are way too quick to divorce. They don’t realize the huge advantages they’ll never feel with another new relationship. Old relationships are so much better than you will ever know. It’s not supposed to be easy all the time. Watch Dr. John Gray’s video. God bless and good luck :pray::pray::pray:

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Absence makes the heart grow founder…but distance makes the mind wonder… breaks can be a really great thing but it can also be the nail in the coffin on the relationship. Whatever you do, make sure you both go into it with the same objective, is the break just to clear the air and find a way to reconnect in the process? Or is the break just a reason to run away and end what you’ve both worked hard to build? It sounds like the dynamics of your relationship have drastically changed, might be time to figure out the source of those changes and whats prompted them, and really the only way to do that is by remembering its also important to never stop dating your spouse. It’s so hard to find someone to share one’s life with, and though you’re hyper aware something is going on in the partnership, and that change needs to occur, just be careful because sometimes we jump to the wrong conclusions before exploring what it would really mean to not be together. If there are kids involved are you good with seeing your spouse making memories with them with someone else? Are you good with being on the outside looking in where he is concerned? Are you misreading what he is trying to communicate to you now? Are you really really going to be happier with this physical space between the two of you? Honestly the issues in your home are not just going to stay put there, be it at home or away that’s just geography, it would be better to deal with what your facing and then…if there isn’t any resolve go your separate ways. If you go just to get away as its been explained here, you two are just going to argue the entire time or worse one of you will just straight up ignore the other person’s attempts to communicate during this time, and cause further pain and estrangement to the other. Some things you just can’t come back from. You’re definitely at a fork in the road here, you’re next steps determine what the rest of your life will look like. Take time to really weigh your options and try to approach this situation with love and wisdom. Leave no room for doubt or regrets. You definitely don’t want to look back at this time in your life and wonder “what if”.

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You both sound like you’re toxic for each other. He’s trying to give his all, you’re like na, not my love language…… that alone should answer your question, you need more than a break, more like break up and then both of you can find the love that works for you

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Break up with the person you thought you knew and had expectations of. People change and so do our needs so maybe try that kind of break first.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Do breaks really break couples?

I agree with him. A break during the day or going out by yourself. If you live him then a big break shouldn’t be necessary. Communication is key! And your a couple and so you got to work together to make things work.

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breaks only lead to break ups when you realize you’re happier without that person.

if you take a break and you truly love them you will miss them during the break and only think about wanting to back. if things aren’t meant to be you’ll break up.

it’s literally what a break means lol

not for nothing it shouldn’t matter where the ex lives even if he’s in the same apartment building. if she didn’t want to be with the ex she wouldn’t be with the ex. that’s clearly a trust issue which is a whole other problem. she didn’t say she was staying with her ex she said she was staying at her moms, literally with her child.

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What has got to “give”? Comprise delineate relationships. Someone always loses. Win win is being transparent. Stop playing mind games and be real. You can’t take a break from yourself.

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I’m going to say no. My fiancé and I took a pretty good sized break when our first daughter was born. He was having issues and I went to stay with my parents for about 5 months. Around 3 months things were better but our daughter and I stayed with my parents until I felt it was better to come back home. Our oldest is now 3 and we’re expecting our third baby this winter while also planning our 2022 wedding.

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When your relationship is in conflict I believe you need to turn towards each other not away from each other…but it only works if both parties are willing to turn in and do the work that is required as an individual first and then as a couple…

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Ya some people ate very loving and some not so much I am the loving kind and also my kids ate that way also

It’s ok to do A small break just don’t let it ruin your marriage.

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If your ex lives down the road then nooo.

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A break is good… but ehh the ex living down the roads a little much… but sometimes everyone needs a break…

i think you’ve already mentally checked out if you don’t want him touching you at all

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Why marry someone if you can’t or won’t fulfill their love language?

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Go visit your mums house :heart:

Running away never solved anything. Stay out and talk

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Have y’all ever tried COMPROMISE?

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Maybe therapy could help you guys.

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I dont know how this came up on my news feed but since it did I will chime in.

Everything in life is a calculated risk… if you think a break is needed you should do so but You also need to understand that while that break may ultimately drive you closer to him it may drive him further away from you. Understand the risk, be willing to accept the outcome

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Choice is yours. If you go, you know there are potential consequences. If you don’t want to stay and try to work on things to repair it, you should probably just go see an attorney and stay at your moms for good. You aren’t very committed to your marriage.

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Go to your Mom’s for a break. Stress to DH that your Son will be with you and him not trusting you is a major issue. Tell him when you get back (and you Will be back) you will schedule to start couples counseling together. If he won’t go to counseling tell him that will lead to a break up. If you try counseling at least you will know you tried everything before throwing in the towel. Counseling might also help with communication, if you end up leaving you’ll need to be able to coparent for your son. Good luck :four_leaf_clover:

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Counseling. You don’t get a break when married.better or worse you stick it through, not take breaks .

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Take him with you maybe both need a change and yes

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A few days away is not a break IMO. You’re still together , just spending a few days away

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That’s what’s wrong with today’s marriages and relationships, nobody wants to stay and work shit out…If you need a break then that tells you that he’s not what u want because you don’t take breaks from ppl you claim to love…Pull the knife out of his heart fast and leave for good

Take the few days. But you also have to respect his stance on it. In most cases a break is breaking up. It’s just easier to say it that way. If you want to save the marriage then counseling. But if you both have a different live language you both have to be willing to give what the other needs. If you are not file for divorce and let him find someone who will love on him and kiss him. But hubs is also touch. I am not as affectiined as he is. But I make it a point to spend time a day giving him that. Mine is acts of service. So even though he works 18 hours a day he will do small things for me etc. It takes both putting in effect.

I took a 3 year break, married for 16 then 3 years off and back for 5, worked wonders for us

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You can take a break if you choose. But just know, he don’t have to just get back with you once the break is over with. He has choices too. I personally wouldn’t be with someone who wants to take breaks. We either are or we arent, work thru the hard stuff or we don’t. I don’t do wishy washy.

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Going on a vaca with your mother and son to get some you time does NOT mean you have to go on a break from your relationship. Everyone deserves some space and peace of mind. If he doesn’t trust you that’s a him problem and should be taken into consideration. Maybe therapy, but there’s deff a trust issue here which isn’t good in any relationship. Whether you stay there with him or vacation with your mom there’s still that underlying issue. If you feel you need some clarity time then go for it! Besides time with your mother is important as we aren’t here forever!

Judging by how you feel, ya, it’s gonna break you

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Take a trip together to the ocean. That’s our go fix it all place. After 8 yrs we do this trip yearly so it definitely will help y’all

There is a difference between going to your moms for a couple days to destress and a break from your relationship. A break would mean you’re not together during that time.

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Sounds like y’all have no clue what this woman is going through. If it was the other way around, if her LL was physical and his wasn’t. You would tell her to run for the hills if a man didn’t wanna be physical with her. So why isn’t this the same thing? Except she REALLY needs to run this time cause she’s obviously annoyed even having to write this. And his snide comments “ex down the road” bullshit aren’t making it easier.

Girl I think you need to leave with your mom and never come back

You need to stay and work it out. What is your love language? Does he attempt to love you with your language? If he does then you need to reciprocate with his. If you cannot then that means you don’t really love him. Running away solves nothing, the problem will just come back unless you put in the work to figure it all out.

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Leave your Son with your Husband and go and remember who you were before you became your husbands wife and your sons mother. Order food in, read a full novel or whatever brings you relaxation and joy. xox

That’s not a break that’s a few days away with your mom. There’s a huge difference. Everyone needs time to themselves, take a few days and give yourself time to breathe.

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Everyone needs a break once in a while. Everyone. People who don’t take breaks have compromised for the sake of “saving the relationship” while being untrue to themselves. Breaks can come in many forms, like going on vacation alone or hiking alone or camping alone. Or a break can happen by staying with a friend for a couple of weeks or housesitting for someone or a retreat and being selfish with your time and choosing to love yourself and not focus on the relationship with the other person for a short period of time. I highly recommend doing things on your own & if the relationship isn’t able to withstand each person fulfilling themselves, it isn’t a healthy relationship at all.

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I just wanted a break…I didn’t get it and we broke for good

We didn’t call it a break we actually got divorced. Over a year later we ended up deciding to work on things again and now are doing better than ever!! 🤷🤷

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Sounds like you’ve already made your mind up with the statement “I don’t want to keep doing this for the rest of my life”. This is your brains way of testing the water on what life will be like without him. If you feel the differences are truly too much then it’s time to go.

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For me, a break lead to a breakup but it was the best decision of my life. I think you should go. You’ll either miss him and clear your head or you’ll realize he’s not the one.

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Go with your Mom!
Your crybaby husband will just have to get over it. A lack of trust that strong is a problem anyway.

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You do you, but I make it clear from the get go I do not do any breaks. If you’re upset with me? Go take an hour walk and then you come back, and we sit down and talk. If you need more time than that, if you fr need to sit there and THINK about if you want to stick with me, then I am not the one for you .
I have, and will continue to leave people for taking a break. You got in a relationship with me, said you loved me, and now you want days / weeks away from me to figure it out? No. If it’s even a thought in your mind, I’m gone.

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I take breaks every 6 months or so. I go stay with my parents for a few days and me and my hubby always bounce back. Sometimes it takes some time apart to really see how much you need each other.

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Sometimes you really just need time to miss each other. If it leads to a breakup instead of bringing you closer then maybe you need to break up.

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Breaks absolutely WORK!!

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I don’t do breaks. If we go on a break then we are done. He knows to go take a walk or I’ll go take a walk or go in another room for a while

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Sounds like some specification is in order.
Are you taking a break from the relationship, or do you just need some time to yourself to breathe and think?
If its a relationship break, I get his concern. You’d both technically be single and anything could happen.
If it’s just time to yourself you need and you’re not taking a break, tell him that. It would ease his worry some.
Either way, you guys clearly need to sit down and speak to one another before anything happens

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Not all breaks lead to break ups but not all breaks lead to make ups either. It’s about what’s best for y’all’s relationship. I went through a 4 month break a lot of things were said and done some good and some bad but we are better than we have ever been I think the time apart made both of us remember who we were before we met and helped us set needed boundaries.

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For me a break can be dicey. Make sure you both communicate about what is to happen during this break. But it sounds more like you need an attorney. Side note: is their a reason he worried about this particular ex? Food for thought

As soon as he mentioned your ex… You know it’s over anyway. Bringing the ex up is deal breaker for me. You’re an adult. Take the kid and go visit mom. … rather you go back or not is your choice.

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What are the arguments always about? You say you guys fight all the time

It depends on what your planning most people use breaks to soften the blow of a break ups but if you 100% want to work on it and u need the time you should call it something else for him like just a weekend with mom and maybe some couple consulting ik no one thinks they need it but if your fighting all the time it’s time to talk to someone or be ready to make the decision and if he is more of a physical love person throw him a bone and try to accommodate it and I’m not talking about all the time but enough for him to know he is loved men like to feel love and get kinda asshole-ish when they don’t but it is OK to want some space to think especially when your kid is watching all of this

My parents told me this. “Absence makes the heart grow fonder”

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What you’re saying you want to do is take a vacation away from him and come back home. That’s not a break it’s time spent away from each other which is healthy and needed

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… why would you marry someone who is physically affectionate if you aren’t? As someone who is physically affectionate I think i would die if I was with someone who didn’t want to be touched. No wonder he’s terrified of losing you.

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Either way I say take the trip, if you think you need the 5 minutes to breathe it will give you that. If you have intentions on seeing what it’s like without him, it will give you that. Best of luck in your choices. I would however add that a man who physically shows you love is hard to find. Most men I have found out there it’s like pulling teeth to get them to show affections.

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I took a break and lived with my mom for two months with our son, 45 minutes away. We bought a new house and are still together over a year later. Not taking breaks and caring for your mental health leads to break ups and resentment.

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Have him look into love languages, specifically yours. You should research how we well. You both have to love each other how the other person needs. Not all the time constantly, but if you don’t compromise it ain’t gonna work.

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