Do I have a right to be concerned about my husbands female co worker?

My husband and I have been married for two years, together for 4. We have a son together who is 18 months. We met at work, and shortly after we started seeing each other, I picked up on some red flags when he was sneaking around behind my back with a female coworker. When confronted, he said that they were just friends. I asked him to remove her from the equation, and he assured me that he would. He continued to see her and would lie to me about it, although since I also worked there, I was frequently catching them interacting. He asked me about moving to a new department in the building, and since I knew that she was also in that department, I told him I was not okay with it, yet he did it anyway. He went to the night shift early in my pregnancy, where she also had moved to nights. He was working with her 5+ days a week, while I was unable to work due to the pregnancy. I asked him why they still were hanging out, and he said, “they both had military backgrounds, so they had a lot in common.” At that point, I wanted to leave because I felt cheated and manipulated by him. He assured me that he had a talk with her to set boundaries. However, after being alerted by a friend that they were still taking breaks together (he was ignoring my texts on his breaks as well), I confronted him again, and he said he didn’t want to hurt her feelings, so he hadn’t actually talked to her. He said they had no history, yet other coworkers informed me that on a work trip to Alabama, they were sharing a room and a rental car and spending copious amounts of time together. He told me he didn’t remember who had been in his car. He even pointed her house out to me one day while we were driving. I told him that was the last straw, and I told him that if she didn’t get kicked to the curb for good, then he wouldn’t be seeing his son or me. He sent her a work email telling her that he wished to no longer be a point of contact for her and asking her to no longer communicate with him. After that, he said they had zero communication. We had an okay relationship for a couple of months until recently; I discovered that she actually took him to HR over the email because her heart was broken by his sudden betrayal. He had never once set boundaries with her, he had never once informed her of our marriage, and he continued to be involved with her. He continues to swear they are just friends. My question, I guess, is would you trust him now? Is this “normal friendship” behavior? If this was your spouse, would you stay? I love him and want to fix this, but he has let this go on for three years- he has canceled counseling appointments where he was supposed to address his lying and cheating behaviors because he “doesn’t want conflict”. The only person he has avoided conflict with is her. I’m just not sure what to do now. Any advice is appreciated.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Do I have a right to be concerned about my husbands female co worker?

Shared a room? Sounds like a relationship to me

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Sounds like you need to kick his ass to the curb.

When he can consider someone else’s feeling more then your own that’s a red flag waving at you

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I travel for work and definitely do not share a room. Especially with the opposite sex. Wth

Should you be concerned about her? Possibly but you should definitely be more concerned about your husband…

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Kinda sounds like more than a friendship especially if he shared a room with her

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Why have you not confronted this woman.And tell her how you feel.

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Accept your husband is a cheater or move on. Love yourself.

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Dude’s a liar and obviously up to no good. If he can’t be trusted with something that basic, you should run far, and fast.

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Idk seems like a lot of red flags here and this has been going on for a while now. I’d get out ASAP.

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NO No and no! Time to leave.

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Wake up he is cheating take your son and get out.

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Look. Leave. You should. But do not keep his child from him. Being a bad husband doesn’t make someone a bad dad.

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Even if it was just a friendship, he went behind your back several times. At this point it’s not about the nature of the relationship. It’s about how he’s treating you. It’s about the constant lying and sneaking. I’d book now

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Confront her. And leave him. He’s definitely cheating

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Sorry for what your going through but I would leave

I think you know the answer to this

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They both idiot’s. Just do you and your son.

Shared a room hmm definitely sleeping together. I would run a mile

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Kick him to the curb. If they end up together he’ll cheat on her too.

Leave girl! This is how my ex cheated on me but thankfully no kids were involved.

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I would be talking to the woman and seeing to what extent this has gone on.

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Sounds like they like eachother more than just friends.

My advice is run now, before the hole gets deeper.

Nope. Leave. U should be number 1

You should have left a long time ago

Girllll he cheated on you and I rather just dump him than to listen to WORDS lol it’s 2021 wtf is even a “I don’t wanna hurt her” ?

Leaveeee, but don’t hurt your baby by keeping his dad away because you guys don’t work out. That does nothing but hurt the child.

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Oh no, just reading this myself I’ve read so many red flags. The biggest thing here is he catered to her feelings more than yours which is beyond messed up… not to mention the fact she took him to HR?! Hell no that was definitely more than a friendship. If I were you I would go directly speak to the woman myself in an adult manor. You already know all the red flags, al you need is confirmation now to leave, if that’s what you want.

I would leave. You even just said it yourself. Been married for 2 years with a child and he never mentioned he was married to this friend of his? Nah, that’s sus

And why would she take him to HR? That doesn’t make any sense

The problem is there’s no respect and if he doesn’t respect you now he never will and that’s a problem …don’t keep his son from him tho … it’s not the kids fault

But you went ahead and had a baby…was this to trap him?

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There’s no trust, leave.

I wouldn’t deal with all that. But I also wouldn’t keep my son from him over this situation.

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Leave. Its obvious he’s being having an affair. It will never get better. The trust is gone.

Looks like his “work wife” is more important to him than you are. Too many red flags waving. Since you already asked him several times to cut the cord with her but he purposefully ignored you and lied about, should tell you what you need to know. I’m sorry you’re going through this sh*tty situation but run girl run!

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telling him he can’t see his son over this WOW! u should leave doesn’t MEAN he can’t be a dad dont stop him seeing his son over this

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This relationship is a dumpster fire so leave but you have no right to keep him from his son over this.

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I would definitely leave if it was me but I wouldn’t keep his kid away from him…

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Honey you are married to a narcissist get out now…

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As I had told my ex husband, who insisted he and his “work friend” were just friends, “I don’t f#!# my friends.”

He’s cheating I,d kick him to the curb.

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He doesnt want to hurt her,but yet he cont to hurt you!!

see… that’s it. you know how to handle this.

She felt betrayed! WTF! He isn’t married to her, they only work and whatever together and don’t share a child. That’s some bs to be going to HR about. F them both. Separate and tell him you want to do marriage counseling if he wants to work on it. You are a gift. You don’t need each other you both should want to just be with each other and be there for one another.

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  1. It’s not normal friendship behavior.
  2. Leave
  3. DONT BE PETTY! Him doing you wrong has nothing to do with the child
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Walk away dignity intact.

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I could have threw all his shit out in the yard faster than reading that post. Girl get rid of him

Military background is just an excuse, my soon to be ex husband has been lying and i just found out he was cheating on me, even sending money to her and he left me with a huge debt
He is definitely cheating the moment he cant cut her off
Dont waste your time, its harder after, believe me

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Sounds like he cares more about her feelings than yours

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Read what you wrote……

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You already know the answer you’re just looking for confirmation. Run far and fast. I’d probably fund a new job while your at it. Sounds like a toxic work environment. That’s why you don’t date where you work. Kinda like don’t shit where you eat so to speak.

You already know.
The only part I take issue is, “he won’t see me or our son again”.
Ummmm, he’s your child’s father!!!
You have NO right to keep your child from him.
That’s just a mean thing to do to your child!!
Grow up. Move on and figure out a way to coparent.
You, as your child’s mother, is not more important than your child’s father. Remember that!!

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I’ll be the asshole here, he showed you from the beginning that he could not be trusted and you stayed. You asked him to cease communication with her, he again continued to lie (shocker) and you stayed. He’s singing the blues now and promising AGAIN that he’s a changed man (yeah, right) and you’re asking if you should stay? Am I reading that correctly? The best predictor of future behavior is relevant past behavior…… he’s done nothing but lie and gaslight you so if you stay expect and be willing to accept more of the same.

He clearly has no respect for you. His loyalty lies with her. He chose protecting her over protecting your relationship. The fact he is doing this at work shows he doesn’t care about much. You, his child, his job. Cut your ties now.

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No, but you have a right to question your husband’s trustfulness, integrity, honesty, respect for you and morals. If all that is secure, no problems. It obviously is not. He is not putting you or the child first. He is flat out having an affair and continuously lying to you. Run, don’t walk, away and don’t look back. You have no respect for yourself if you continue to stay with him.

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He’s broken trust, thats hard to get past. I think its time to move on.

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What an a**hole. Confront her, tell her he’s married so she knows what kind of man he is and then leave him.

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Absolutely leave, but allow him to coparent.

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You good because I would definitely be confronting her, and after I would be done with her, I pack my stuff and my kid’s and I would be so gone his head would spin when he get back. Love yourself and your son and someone else will come along and treat you and your son with some respect!

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That’s a whole lotta red flags to me. I wouldn’t stay Bc I wouldn’t be able to trust anything he says.

She didn’t know he was married?! Just no.

Stand tall and proud and walk away girl!

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Don’t use your child to blackmail him into doing what u want. Judging by ur story his son is the only reason he even said anything to this chick

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You don’t want any of that mess; but you can’t take a dad away from a kid if he isn’t a danger to him. He’s a cheater, cop to that; but don’t ruin that kids life because his dad can’t maintain a healthy romantic relationship.

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You need to just re read what you wrote. Your answer is right there. He can’t hurt her feeling but can let his family fall apart. Girl kick his ass to the curb. But don’t use your child against him. That will bite you hard in the ass.

Kick him out. Let her have him. Find someone who deserves you.

This is an emotional affair at the very least. Which sounds better but can actually be more damaging than a physical one. If he don’t even go to therapy with you to try to fix your relationship, I don’t think there’s any point in staying with him any longer. I’m sorry, I know it heartbreaking. But you will be much happier single with no one lying to you than you are now.

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Read your own post and you will have the answer

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You need to kick him to the curb ASAP!

Refusing to let him see the child just hurts the child. It’s not fair to the child.

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You’re obviously better than me cause I’d have been outta there lmao
A trip and they SHARED A ROOM?? Fuck no :joy:

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I’m so sorry girl but he has more respect for this work friend than he does for you.
He’s afraid to hurt her feelings but not afraid of yours being hurt because of it.
Seems to me there is more going on from what you described. If I was in this situation I would leave, but I wouldn’t keep the child away from him. The child still deserves to have his father in his life. This is coming from someone who never had my father in my life and grew up with a lot of difficulties emotionally because of it.
I think you know what you have to do girl. It’s now up to you. Good luck and hugs to you.

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Leave simple as that

He needs to get a new job and go to counseling!

Leave… But don’t keep him from his son.

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You should definitely leave! And don’t look back!

You obviously see all the red flags?

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Ohhhhhhhhhhh hell no to all this behavior nope nope nope nope

All that happened and u need advice? :joy:

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He has chosen her over you

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That’s trash, but don’t hurt your kid by trying to hurt your cheating husband.

How would he feel if it was the other way around? I think it’s time for you to take space for yourself and break contact for a few weeks and consider if you really want to be with him. Also invest in yourself and your health, physical and mental. Get your confidence back, I know after having a child it can sometimes wear down your identity at first and then dealing with this on top of that… ugh it’s so disrespectful. There are many men who would love to be in his shoes, I’m sure. Don’t forget that, know your worth👌

Leave, you deserve better

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Seems like he’s a narcissistic man. Leave him.

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Ummm what? Sharing hotel rooms, broke her heart? Please tell me you aren’t actually questioning whether he’s cheating on you…he is.

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Sounds very fishy to me guilty on many levels :disappointed:

It sounds like he already chose who’s feelings matter most to him. Why be a second choice? You deserve better than that.

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The problem here is your husband not her. She didn’t even know that he was married to you. You should be your husband’s priority not her. There is someone better for you.

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Leave. Him. And. Run!!!

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I would never ask my spouse to choose between me and his friends. He needs to make that decisions alone. The more you fight the more he’ll continue to go behind your back

Leave but do not keep him from his son. Doing that makes you no better. That makes you using your son as a pawn and that’s worse than a cheater!

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I mean, why not ask her about it? Where’s the proof of this?

He doesn’t deserve you or his child for disrespecting you both.

I would leave. But dont keep his child from him. Being a shit husband is one thing but that doesn’t mean a bad parent.

This is a joke, correct…

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Let him go to her and hold the door open for him. Without Honesty it’s hard to have a good relationship.

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You saw the red flags, gave so many chances. Don’t be bitter And not let him see his kid. What did the kid do? Nothing

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Kick his ass to the curb