My daughter is 5 and lives with her father and he’s just enrolled her into another pre school without my knowledge. So for 3 days a week she attends a pre school on my side of town and the other 2 days, she attends a preschool on his side of town. The plan was to increase her hours from 3 days to 5 to prep her for school. I was shocked that he even had the thought of sending her to 2 different pre schools as I believe she needs consistency and it is just unheard of to me, that a child goes to 2 different kindergartens. I brushed the idea off at the beginning and now he’s gone and done this without my knowledge. Considering my daughter has global development delay and speech delay, hence why she’s still at kindy, but now she is ready for school next term. I feel as though she would be better off in only her comfort zone where the teachers and kids know the way she communicates. Am I over reacting? Should I at least see how it plays out before I go off on him?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Do I have a right to be upset that my childs father enrolled her in another school?
Depends on custody agreement. We don’t know the defined details.
That’s definitely a weird thing to do for a child who would benefit from stability.
She lives with him he has the right to choose her school she should be goin to the one closest to her home with you pickin her up on set days
I would be happy that he’s doing something alot of father’s don’t care, I would suck it up and be grateful he’s helping with education.
Maybe the first pre school didn’t have space for the other 2 days. Also, pre school isn’t kindergarten and you can’t be enrolled in 2 separate schools once that starts
At least he is taking initiative. So many dads out there don’t even want to show up for a weekend visit. I know a lot of children in my town that go to 2 different programs. They seem to do fine.
My ex tried to do that. I went to the other school and took him out. It all depends on your custody arrangement, but I would think consistency is important.
Have you spoken to him as to why he did it? Or are you just gonna to bat shit crazy because how dare her FATHER switch her school:roll_eyes:
My daughter is 5 and lives with her father… looks like he makes the major decisions.
If he has full custody its his choice
Lives with her father should have given you the answer
Absolutely be mad. Who has primary custody??
That’s just crazy. No! He should not do that.
You should be bringing her to the school closest to him on your days, since she lives with him. You’re lucky he hasn’t complained
Depends on your custody agreement rather you can do something about it or not.
It’s not kindergarten, it’s preschool. A little variety might be good for her before she starts school. It’s weird, yes, but seeing as she lives with him I would be happy he didn’t switch her to 5 days a week closer to him. When she’s actually in school, she will probably going to the one closest to him full time.
What does the legal custody agreement say. The child lives with the father so he may have the choice.
I agree with you. that’s silly, she should be in one school. He should just enroll her in the school that’s closest to him, for 5 days. Since she lives with her dad.
Does he have full custody? Do court orders give him full autonomy to make such decisions? If so, it would be nice to run it by you, I wish he had, but if it’s not required by the courts then you’ll just have to trust that he’s making the best decision for him and the child. Just kindly tell him that going forward you’d like to be involved in and have a say about such matters.
Yeah, i would fix that.
Maybe you could unenroll her from the one you put her in and let her go all 5 days to the one her dad enrolled her in…
You brushed it off when he brought it up to you…he has her full time! YES
I mean I think it would’ve definitely been better to increase the hours at the current place. But on the days he has her it makes sense to have her close. I do think it’s weird he didn’t tell you. He doesn’t need to ask your permission but to not tell you it is kind of strange. 
If he has full custody then she should be in school on his side of the city so the child isn’t disturbed too much.
She lives with him so surly it would be better for her to be there closer to him? But he should do it for 5 days not half and half
She lives with him by court order or mutual agreement. Too many questions…it’s his choice.
She lives with dad it should be his overall decision same as if she lived with you it should be your choice. Sounds like he’s doing what he may think is best.
You said it yourself she lives with her dad so you as a parent unroll her and you and her dad work together as parents. Why does she have to go to school when you have her (she lives with her dad why did you even enrol her in anything. I’m sorry I’m not sorry grow up
He has custody so if you want her in one school, take her to the one that closer to him on your days.
ALL of the child’s decisions should be made together!!! If you don’t have a lawyer,I would suggest getting one ASAP!
Consistency is very important, but maybe he’s also trying to get her involved in his town where he lives so she makes friends that may move up in school with her. If she doesn’t live with you, then she won’t be going to school in your district next year anyways. Seems like he’s trying to give her consistency by introducing her to people she’ll actually be around as time goes on.
Well if she lives with him full time, it’s not your choice and you don’t have the right to choose that.
He has full custody, he chooses the places she goes ultimately. If you had full custody, you would choose. 2 schools isn’t the end of the world. Glad he didn’t pull her from her current school.
If he is primary custodial parent and has physical custody the right thing to do here in my opinion if you would like her to stay in one school all 5 days for the consistency and what’s best for her is to suggest that she go to one school that is closest to him her primary custodial parent, that is if your worried about her, and want her in one school and consistent then you should let him know that you feel she should be in one school and on your days you take her to the school that’s closest to him
You are 100% overreacting. He obviously cares, and she is a child, she can and will adapt. She will make even more friends, and unless you alter things, after a time this situation will be consistent. If your child has delays, can you truly not use all the help you can get? Stop being petty, talk to him and let him know you appreciate that he cares, but in future, you would like to at least be consulted.
She lives with her dad so is that full custody for him or do you have joint ?
Adult thing to do is talk to each other regarding anything to do with the child but if you can’t manage that then I guess you find a lawyer to sort it out
He has to work too🤷 You should be thankful he’s trying to make adult decisions yet still want to be involved and have her. You need to work just as much as him and vice versa. Your over reacting!
She lives with him, I think your just upset that he is exercising that right
I’ve never heard of a child going to 2 different preschools, but I understand the wanting to prepare her for school, so for that aspect I’d let it play out and see how she does. If it seems too much for her then definitely take her back down to one.
As a co parent, he should’ve discussed this with you, weighed out the pros and cons, listened to your concerns as you listened to his, and then both of you come to an agreement.
If you haven’t lost custody or rights, you still have a say in the matter, despite her living with him.
Maybe sit down with him, discuss how this incident made you feel as a mother, and how in the future you’d like for both of you to make decisions in regards to your daughter…? 
If she lives with him full time she should be going to the preschool he enrolled her in. 
It’s crazy that she’s in two different schools. I don’t know how that’s even allowed. Is it more of a day care thing than a school? Because I’m a teacher and kids can’t be enrolled in two different schools here.
If you have joint custody then
He is not wrong 
your parenting decisions do not trump his.
If she lives with him he can choose where she goes to school. It’s only pre k next year when she starts kindergarten I agree she needs to only be in one school and that will be up to him which one she goes to if he has primary custody so you will need to have that talk with him
I’m sure there’s been a lot of things you’ve done without his permission, he has custody, or she lives with him so why are you making such a big deal out of it.
One school. Consistency is what’s most important for your child.
Pretty petty to be mad about something that benefits your daughter.
Primary parent/their address determines school. If he is primary, the elementary school will be based on him.
Calm down tiger !!! Let dad be a dad cuz it sounds like he is a good one to me . Dads can rock parenthood too
my dad always said education is not hard to carry, if it helps the child developmentally why not
Do you discount that the new school also provides consistency and that they may perhaps even be better suited to your child’s needs than what you chose? Or are you opposed because he did what potentially is helpful for your child? Did you ask his opinion before you enrolled her yourself? Or do those rules only apply to him not asking you?
Sure so enroll her at the school where he lives and that’s that ")
Maybe approach the topic of both of you choosing one school together? Doesn’t have to be an attack just a discussion of what may be best for the child.
Also this is the worst page to get this type of advice. Go find a coparenting page
I guess you could withdraw from the 3 day a week and increase the 2 day a week to 5 days!
If she lives with him full time, then eventually she will go to school by him.
Seems like he’s preparing to transition her to that schedule/area/school by moving her PreK program over there starting at 2 days a week.
Perhaps the plan is to increase the days there until it is full time, 5 days, if she has delays in order to make the transition easier for her.
If she lives with him. She’s should be going only to the preschool in his area period. Same as kindergarten. She will attend based on her custodial parents address. It is allowed because they’re technically not “real school”.
I mean if it’s something beneficial to the child. How could you possibly find a reason to complain 
Makes sense to me if she lives with her dad
She lives with him so it’s his choice. It’s selfish of you to make her go by you 2 days a week.
Since it’s preschool…its not that big of a deal. It’s like having 2 different daycares.
First of all why doesn’t she live with you?
You said that your daughter lives with her father. I take that to mean he has custody. You also said he has enrolled her in a pre-school on his side of town. That would mean that he has her going to a pre-school near her home. I think if you want to fight that, you would have to go for a custody change. I don’t know the circumstances of your divorce and it’s none of my business, but at this point in time , your daughter’s father has the right to enroll her in the school nearest his home. Next year, when she starts kindergarten, if she still lives with him, that will be required and the days you have her, you will have to transport her to that school. It’s a pain in the neck, I know, but that’s the way it goes.
She lives with him? Then he’s in the right. You’re in the wrong.
Umm, she won’t be able to just go too 2 different schools.
That said, what does the court order say.
If you don’t have one, why not?
Usually, legally, he has to notify you but it has to be in the agreement.
If he’s following the court order, there’s nothing you can do.
It sounds like he has full custody so he can do what he thinks is best for her and him not telling you means your not active enough in her life to get knowledge or a saying in what he does as a father. So no you don’t get angry with him because he is taking care of this child and you have no right or say on how he chooses to raise his child.
My son went to 2 different preschools and he thrived! He went to a developmental preschool for a few hours at one school and then did an extended day program at a different school. I don’t see what the big deal is.
I am a pre-k special education teacher so I absolutely agree with the consistency of going to one school especially with her delays and needs but I think she should go to the school she lives near for all 5 of the days. If that is the school he enrolled her in then maybe you need to make the switch to going there all 5 days.
If she lives with him, he’s the primary parent. School will go based off where he lives.
First off…she lives with him. So let’s start there before trying to make decisions in regards to what he does with her.
She doesn’t live with you, so he is taking care if her, it’s his choice. You can’t just stand on the sideline and expect to make all the decisions.
I mean near where she lives is only right. It’s what’s easier for her primary care giver, I don’t understand why she’s near for 3 days if she doesn’t live with you… he probably hoping to send her at the new place 5 days a week, because y’a know that’s what makes sense…
My step son did 2 different schools for 4k. But once kindergarten came around the judge chose which district he would stay in for kindergarten. They would do anything for 4k since it wasn’t “mandatory”
He’s the primary caregiver he has primary custody I’m sorry but it is his decision and the fact that he has worked it to where you are close to her for 3 days out of the week and then plus you probably still get your weekend visitation I would stop bitching because he could take all of that away if he wanted to don’t be Petty where Petty and this is not needed and I apologize if that came off rude or harsh I just honestly have no other way to say it cuz I’m not trying to be rude or harsh it’s just the hard truth
If she lives with him I would probably enroll her in his side of town full time.
Seems silly. But probably depends how big a town you live in. Is “across town” far or is there a bus that picks her up and that’s why he chose the one closer instead of just having her fully enrolled in just one?
If you have joint custody, you definitely have a say. If he’s the custodial parent then it gets a bit trickier.
Nope, she lives with him!
Whomever the primary custodial parent should have the school closer to them if the school is able to meet the needs of the child.
Let me tell y’all this my son went into pre k not knowing much at all barely speaking 2 words. He’s autism , speech delayed, ADHD
As well cerebral palsy, epilepsy
The school he went too I didn’t want but you know what I wound up seeing much improvement from him. His teacher was all around amazing it’s not the school it’s the teachers in them that help the student.
Maybe this is good for her just see give it time
You do not have custody of her. She SHOULD BE IN SCHOOL IN HER DISTRICT !!! It saddens me that a mother doesn’t have custody of their daughter at such a young age.
If she lives with him I don’t see why she wouldn’t be going to a school by him. Also most 5k classes are full day 5 days a week. Only one that I’ve seen 3 days a week is a k4 run through a day care like I did with my daughter.
I’ve heard of kids doing both, but I also have a child with significant delays and going to two would have been a nightmare in our case at that age 
so I get the concern. Consistency and sameness matters a lot. i know every area is a bit different with how they do early childhood education but I’d think she’d be old enough for public school with an IEP for accommodations now. Can she not do 5 days/full time at one school yet?
Yeah, if it’s not in the court order he can enroll her in any school he wants without your permission and/or notifying you. Also as others are saying and are right, she’s not going to be able to attend 2 separate schools. He beat you into the enrolling process so she’s going to have to attend the school HE signed her up for.
She lives with him she should be school 5 days a week at his location
If she lives with him it’s his say
Back and forth is not good for this child. One place all week.
Take her to her school near her home your two days
She should go to school near him. It’s where she lives
You do not control him. There’s NOTHING wrong with more schooling and more teachers getting to know your child. And honestly, I she lives with him. Why is she going to school on your side of town? He did good getting your child additional help. Be thankful.
Imo enroll ft on his side of town. If he is the custodial parent she will likely go to school on his side for kindergarten also. Let her make friends that she will continue on through school. Idk seems silly to have 2 different ones to me
Yes, you have have the right to be upset.
However you stated she lives with him. With that statement she’ll be in kindergarten in his school district closest to his house.
But why does she live with him? Is he making better choices as a parent than you? Or are there other reasons? There’s not enough info for anyone to answer your question. Have you asked him why he did that? Maybe it’s due to transportation and his work schedule since he’s the care giver.
Maybe he wants you to be more involved and placed her closer to where you are.
OHHH MY GOD!!!
Children are more resilient than you give them credit for. What is the other school is BETTER for her than the one you have her enrolled at. Give it a rest!!! If he wants to enroll her for the other day close to him, let the man do so, period!!!
Pre-COVID: My child has been in multiple schools since the age of two Weekday school then class on Saturday morning. Also, EE’s jump into an ASL course here and there.
During COVID- Virtual Public School in the early morning followed by Private School the rest of the day. At the end of the semester, it was 2 straight months of public school all day. They also had virtual Saturday school at that time.
This sounds like an unnecessary battle IMO! 
Custodial parent chooses school
I personally don’t think a 3 yr old needs 5 days a week. It would have been nice to consult you, but it sounds like he is the primary parent. Split parents need to talk about stuff.
It sounds like he’s got custody so there’s really nothing you can do
What differnce does it make hinestly if he has the custody then yeah she should go to school where he lives you will just have to drive her thats what my ex husband had to do when he had our son
If she lives with him then he can change her schools if he wants to, stop your complaining
Daddy knows best in this case