Do I have the right to be upset? My s/o and I have been together for about 7 years. Engaged for over two (damn covid made us reschedule our wedding twice so now we are going to just elope). We have one child together who is 3. We typically have a great relationship with good communication. For the last few months our communication has been lacking. We are so busy chasing around our child and striving to be the best parents we can and doing great at it but it has taken a lot of time from “our time.” Throw new jobs and hours in there as well. My Son was watching videos on an old phone of my fiance’s and I did the one thing I said I never would… Looked at the messages. I always said I would never do this because if I did than trust was an issue. Anyway, I did it. I found old messages between him a woman (we will call her Laura) from August. Apparently they met while my s/o was out with our Son playing. She gave him her number to set up a play date, which is fine with me as we welcome play dates. Thing is he NEVER told me about this. He met up with her, her Daughter, and brought my son 2 or 3 times behind my back. Also, he initiated the first contact by texting her at 930 at night the day they met. While he was home with me. The day after their last meet up my Son, S/O and I went to the local park (where they met the other times) as it is our go to place and close to home. She was there and I met her. Neither one of them told me that they met prior and knew each other. Apparently during this interaction while I was chasing my Son and her Daughter around my S/O and her had a convo and she asked if we were together. Later that night, she texted him that she hopes she wasn’t blunt by asking, but he was a “total babe,” and he replied that he was sorry if he misled her but isn’t good at navigating in those situations. They continued to text for a day or two. Nothing child-related, but he sent pics of his wine and my kids car toy we built, etc. I sat on it for a few days to ensure how I felt and wanted to make sure I wasn’t making a big deal out of nothing. I confronted him, and he lied to me and said that it was one playdate, and once she showed interest, they stopped talking. I then got really hurt and told him I knew that wasn’t true cause I read the messages since then; we have barely spoken (other than normal parenting talk- pick up from school, dinner menu, etc.) for four days. He said he did nothing wrong, and I invaded his privacy. I am at a loss if I have the right to be angry, and if so, what to say to him to make him see it in my view. I don’t get how you can talk and meet up various times, and the convo of him being engaged never came up…especially if you were with the kids. I am FURIOUS that it kind of seems like he used our child as an excuse to talk to this woman. Their convo ended with her saying that she can let him know when they are in town next, and he replied that he would “love to see her”. The whole situation makes me feel so uneasy. I never had a reason not to trust him, but I just have this horrible gut feeling. I only told two friends who both have children, and they agreed they would be upset as well. I didn’t want my family to know because I don’t want them to look at him differently. He’s the most amazing Father to our Son, but I feel I need to stand my ground in this!? Please give me advice.
I would feel some type of way about this too honestly. That is really shady to me. To hide it from you and everything. Just weird vibes.
He lied and obviously it was more than that i dont think he cheated but maybe he was attracted to her ? Either way he was in the wrong not you and if neither one was planning on doing anything then i find it odd he didnt introduce you two when you ran into her at the park i would consider counciling and see if things can get back in track
My husband said f*** yeah she has every right to be mad! Hiding it and lying is a huge deal!!!
Um why does he have to lie ?
Why when you were all at the park they both acted like they had just met ?
I would have expected him to say oh hey this is so in so we had met before , this is my fiance.
If role were reversed how would he feel ?
I would be pissed and feel betrayed.
I would not marry this man with out full disclosure and couples counseling. Then only if he truly realizes what he did was hurtful and what you consider a deal breaker .
Also he may be an amazing dad and thats wonderful but you deserve an amazing partner and total commitment and honesty so dont let him brush this under the rug and get away with it set boundaries
If it was only a play date for the kids he wouldn’t be defensive or angry for any reason. Im not saying he cheated but he is being dishonest even after you have proof and that isn’t right. He should just be upfront and honest with you about it. He should have included you in on the play date in the first place as you could have made a new mom friend now you’re just left feeling uneasy about a woman you know nothing about because you’re husband’s dishonesty led you here.
You absolutely have every right to be upset.
Forget about the play date for a moment, and think about the fact that he practically welcomed her advances by continuing to contact her and not making it obvious that he is in a committed relationship. Because here’s the thing… A man that altruistically loves you, honors you, and respects you, will not leave any room for questions when it comes to his relationship.
He didn’t cease communication with her, and proceeded to lie about the context, duration, and nature of the messages, and this is yet another 
that shouldn’t be ignored.
What’s more is, he brought your child around some strange woman without your input, more than once — If that were me, I would question what else he is doing behind my back.
Maybe taking a step back to evaluate the relationship with him, and whether he is committed, would be best bc it’s clear he is forgetting that every time he hurts you, he is hurting your child and setting a poor example. If it was innocent, he wouldn’t be so defensive, either.
If he was just enjoying the attention, however temporary, he should say that instead of trying to blame shift…
I think there might of been a little more going on wether he was attracted to her or trying to get more out of this play date. I mean if it was just a play date than there’s no reason why he couldn’t tell you or introduce you to her back in August.
He needs to remember he’s no longer single so stop behaving like one. His behavior is emotionally deficient. He doesn’t understand loyalty, commitment, respect for you. If he continues he will have to have visitation to see his son.
Being an amazing Dad does not equal being an amazing partner. He lied to you and then tried to flip it around. Trust your gut feeling as it more than likely is right.
Trust your gut…your seeking justification and I’m pretty sure most would agree you know what’s up.too many loopholes and plot twists 
I’ve been through similar. It took a LOT of counseling and a separation for some time for my fiancé and i to work through it, because if the tables had been reversed he would be livid. It took me turning the situation around and a counselor agreeing with me before he truly realized that for whatever reason he was attention seeking and it was completely inappropriate. I hope that whatever path you choose, it’s one that you come up feeling completely ok with. Because this will stick with you unless you find some kind of closure with it. And that hurt isn’t a joke
Oh yes I would be mad he’s lying and probably cheating I would give him the choice to either act like he’s engaged if he can’t do that then I would make him be single
No, no like fuck that. 
this all reads sketchy ass behavior to me. Please evaluate his behavior from here on out before considering marrying him. I’m so sorry but this is just wrong, honesty is key and “not mentioning “ something in a marriage is a lie cause if you can’t mention it then there’s probably a reason why, you see what I’m saying? Trust your gut and keep your eye on him from now on, honestly if it was me I’d be done, I know that’s crazy to say but if he can do this to you once with yalls child, he’ll do it again, that’s selfish behavior to use yalls child as an excuse to keep seeing this woman knowing it’s not just a play date for the kids it sounds like to me. You deserve better. If the rolls were reversed it’d be exactly wtf it is to him but since it’s him he’s gonna try and gaslight You into thinking it’s nothing major don’t fall for that shit, learn the signs now save yourself the trouble in the future! Also I’d text the woman and honestly ask questions and tell her to be honest cause you need honesty from one of them if he’s not giving it too you, you deserve that much!
First of all…YOU did nothing wrong. He should have immediately shut that shit down. They both lied and you have every right to be mad. How many other conversations has he hidden from you.
I don’t know any respectable man that would set up a play date with another woman in the first place unless that woman was family and even still that’s typically something mom would setup. I’m questioning whether he’s actually this involved, or if he’s simply using your child to attract attention from other females.
I hope you have the courage to call off the wedding altogether. I wouldn’t give him a choice here. Trust isn’t something that can ever be fully rebuilt. You’ll never trust him the same again and to be honest, a good father wouldn’t use his child to bait women.
Yeah…even my husband agrees on this one. He came so close to cheating you have a right to be upset and now has killed ur trust. How would he like it if the situation was reversed and you went to some single guy’s home for your kid to play with his a few times and never told your so about it and he found out? You dont go to someone’s home alone and hide it. Something is up…and her still texting him trying to set stuff up and calling him hot?! I’d be furious. Tell him to block her number . Not a good person to have around him and now it raises the question…if he thinks it is no big deal…will he do it again? Sounds like he is trying to cheat. May be a good thing if continue to put the marriage off until he can prove he isnt a cheater…
He is an asshole. If he didn’t think he was doing anything wrong then why didn’t he tell you? He probably didn’t cheat but he was definitely sniffing around and not putting your marriage first. He needs to admit he was wrong and he has a lot of work to do if he wants to fix this.
Leave him. It will continue. He is distancing and he knows he’s been caught. He will continue either with this one and he will keep lying. Just leave period.
If he never mentioned it you already know he is being shady. Leave now before you marry him.
Completely wrong about not telling you from the very beginning. Then lying about how many times they met up? He pretended to not know her when you guys met up. He created the trust issue by deception.
u shouldnt have secrets when in a relationship
Those with nothing to hide hide nothing your right hes wrong you should of been included
Seems like there is more to this
You let them get away with it the first time then expect a second and third and so on. He lies then blames you to divert off him. He knows exactly what he’s doing. There’s a reason you looked in his phone so now you know.
Yikes 
I’d be pissed too and I’m not that type. I’ve always said if he wants to go, there’s the door. Why not be upfront and honest about the relationship unless to lead her on?.
You did invade his privacy but at the same time he lied when asked about it so he never would have told you. I think deep down you knew something was going on and that’s why you let yourself do something you wouldn’t normally do. The trust is gone. You deserve someone that would never put you in this situation in the first place.
Oh hell no. Red flags flying. The fact she asked if y’all were together means he never talked lovingly about his wife during their play dates. Sounds to me like he tried to play single dad and use your kid as bait. The whole situation is not okay and my husband would have some major explaining to do. Why the late messaging? Why did he NEVER tell you about this…NEVER?! That’s the biggest concern. It seems like he had a motive that was disrespectful to you and your marriage. I’m sorry you are dealing with this.
I’m sorry but your gut feeling is probably 97% accurate… I think you already knew that but wanted to ask on here to have reasons to not have that feeling. Best of wishes and y’all need to sit down and really talk about this
He is going to try and make it seem like nothing. Always talk to the other woman and in this situation, I’d ask her not to meet up with your fiancee without you present, if she’d like to have a friendship and nothing else, this shouldn’t be a problem at all.
At the LEAST that’s emotional cheating. How you move forward is up to you tho.
It sounds like he used your son as bait. Not once does it seem like he talked to this woman about you or the fact that he was engaged. It’s not right period. I would be very upset. Sounds like he was trying to act like a single dad out there. I would call this woman out and ask her what really happened. Even though she probably won’t be truthful. You totally should be upset. I hope you figure it out hun.
He’s dead ass wrong. I would be furious. This kind of flirtation can get out of hand quickly and he’s initiating it and lying. Then had the audacity to get mad and try to flip it on you, gaslighting. This probably isn’t the first time.
I think it is incredibly disrespectful from the start. He shouldn’t have kept it from you. There is no reason or excuse for it. Even if it was just one play date, he still should’ve talked to you about it ahead of time. There’s a reason why you went looking in the first place and your gut didn’t steer you wrong. He can be an amazing father to your son all day and night but he’s really slacking and disrespecting YOU… his partner. So you have EVERY right to be upset. I’m curious what he would say if you did something similar with a single dad. I’m sure he wouldn’t be okay with that at all
Yes I’d be super pissed and yes he knows he got caught and he’s pissed about it and deflecting the shit on to you 
text book douche move. Anywho stand your ground. Men aren’t as stupid as they play at.
I would bounce that ring right off his damn forehead! You weren’t TOLD nor Invited to meet this Play Date for a REASON. If you will accept this BULLSHIT Before you are married, IMAGINE what’s to come after. NOPE ,NO HELL NAW if it were ME
I’d be calling her on her phone if that was my man, and asking her point blank what’s going on and why it’s all happening behind your back. And I’d be saying the same thing to him. He is gaslighting you by turning it back onto you for invading his privacy. He’s been caught out doing the wrong thing, not you. Someone not doing anything wrong would not have a problem with their partner reading their messages. He’s a child man and very disrespectful. I wouldn’t put up with that.
No way in h e double hockey sticks would my husband be caught dead with another women like that. Wrong so wrong.
Oh boy!! Your feelings are definitely warranted. I would call the lady. Explain how the meetings and text conversations are making you uncomfortable. If your partner gets angry about you checking his phone. He has something to hide. I tend to not put the blame on the other person. She’s been made aware you two are together. If she keeps up with the secrecy. Then she has other motives
Honey, he may be a good father, but in reality he didn’t tell you for a reason. He had bigger plans without you being involved or knowing. That Play date should be contacts with you and that woman. NOT him and that other woman. And he didn’t speak of it to you. If you had of met a man on a play date and he gave you his number and you never speak of it to your man then he should be questioning you as well. Why do you think you are having all these thoughts?? He didn’t tell you for a reason. You need to question him as to why and when was he planning on telling you. And a real man will hide nothing from the one whom he LOVES.
He may be a great and amazing Father and I’m so glad for your child’s sake. But he is NOT invested in your relationship the way you’d like him to be or he wouldn’t be 1. Hiding things 2. Lying about things 3. Offended for getting caught. You have two choices work it out or be done with him since it will turn into a trust issue after repeated lying.
There are many red flags here. The huge one being that he 1) he never told you about her 2) he lied. If she didn’t know about you it’s because he withheld that information purposefully. You already know why. Your feelings are valid. He is essentially dating her but your child is there so he can say “play date”.
Yes you do have the right to be upset, I would be too!!
Um no. Just no. He obviously gave her the impression that he was available and he entertained her too. Not only that but he initiated it and used your son as an excuse to meet another woman. Nah, I don’t share very well with others.
At least you saw this before you married him! I am so sorry sweetpea but don’t deal with that bs. What sort of life will that be for you and your kiddo? NEEEXT!
Those who have nothing to hide hide nothing. And the fact that HE is mad at you?? Red flag.
If your gut and your heart don’t say the same thing never listen to your heart…
run sis, run! “If” he released maybe he misread the situation…the SECOND she made the inappropriate comment about him being a babe, he should have shut it down and had no further communication. But he sent pictures after that. Helllll naw. Don’t be naive…you’re better than me because I would have contacted her my damn self and found out how he acted while they were on their sketchy “play dates”.
Sounds like you both need to talk together with a therapist to get to the bottom of this. It was not ok to do what he did and he is gaslighting you. This probably wasn’t the first time and probably won’t be the last time. Postpone the wedding until you get this resolved
You absolutely have the right to feel betrayed and that is exactly what happened… absolute breach of trust.
However, not to “justify” what he did here.
Just absolute perspective.
As humans and people, and especially when raising our young. Sometimes we lose sight and take for granted our S/O… we all do it…
Seems like he liked the idea of someone finding him “attractive”. And he played with this feeling/let’s call it what it is… ego…
The fact that he’s still keeping her on the line, even though he thinks he “misled” her, seems very disheartening…
I think some counseling would definitely help you guys navigate this though.
And just putting it out there. There was no “physical” cheating, I think this is something you guys could absolutely move forward from.
This pandemic has been tough on everyone…
And this is just my opinion, no attacks needed. Thanks!
Simple answer is you already know how he makes you feel. You don’t trust him for a reason, he’s his things from you and then he lied to you about it. What more is there? How can you ever trust him again. Move on before you end up hating him.
God sees our actions and we reap what we sow. I would extend forgiveness but also set some new boundaries within your marriage. I’ve been in these places before and parenthood is hard on both. The best advice I’ve ever gotten was, “ you both are only as old as your child in parenting years”. My experience as a mom was immature in ways I look back on now as well as my husband’s. We grow in grace with our families or we grow apart. It’s really our choice. My prayers are for peace in your heart about such a precious position.
You have every right to be upset. He’s lying to you. And then trying to turn it around on you. Not good. Listen to your gut.
I think your feelings are 100000% valid. If you’ re uncomfortable with what happened then he should respect the way you feel not try to play victim because you’re doing nothing wrong. He knows he’s busted and he doesn’t want to get in trouble for it. 
Uhhh, yeah. You have every right to be pissed! Sounds like things would go further given the opportunity.
So… they stopped talking after SHE found out he had a woman? Who text at new friend at 9:30 pm to set up a play date? I talk about my man constantly so not sure how that is a complicated conversation to navigate that is until you show up to the park with him, she asked point blank, and he had some explaining to do. I would be pissed.
I would be upset also!! 100% validated on your side.
My marriage is no longer a marriage because my husband chose to pull this bullshit too. Now we are more like close roommates.
Emotional affairs are 100% real affairs because they violate trust. If he is giving attention to another woman, especially one you don’t know? That’s shady as fuck.
"We’re just friends " will come out of the woodwork. “But nothing happened, so it’s not cheating. " or my favorite…” If YOU (while working 2 jobs, going to school, and caring for my dying mother) paid more attention to me…I wouldn’t need to talk to other women "
Mmhmm…kay…
Good luck with that.
Nope. Wouldn’t do it. Call her and confront her.
This is his OLD phone. I wonder what’s in his new one 
Go with your gut girl. I’ve been in situations like this and it doesn’t change unfortunately 
the question is what prompted you to look at the texts? We’re you suspicious of something going on? Have you always read each other’s texts then all of a sudden he wouldn’t let you? But either way once trust is broken it’s so hard to get back… for both sides. I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this! ((((Hugs))))
Red flag, red flag. I’d be PISSED!! Nope nope and nope. He’s totally in the wrong
Nope! Put your foot down. Follow your gut instinct.
Yeah doesn’t seem right to me…
Stand your ground. You’re not crazy for feeling this. Trust your gut bc giiiiirrrrrl 
I’d be P.I.S.S.E.D.
Um yes. I would be pissed. But, have you ever made a playdate with another dad? If so, you have no right to be mad. If you haven’t, then absolutely be mad. Especially without talking to you first. And the fact he didn’t tell you…byyyyeee
Leave ! His Intersted in her
The disrespect towards yourself an your child
You are not crazy, hes ready to cheat.
Once I got to “he’s taken our kid out with her 2-3 times already” my eyes jumped out of my head. HOLY RED FLAGS GIRL. This is NOT ok. I would speak to her and tell her to buzz off, and he would need to do some counseling with me.
He went on a date and took your child. Period. He’s sneaky and you have no reason to question if you are the one out of line.
I would be frustrated because he kept it from you. But I would also give him the benefit of the doubt because he told her he was sorry if he had misled her, without any indication that he was “caught” doing something. Was it someone he never knew? If so, it would be rather strange to message a complete stranger about meeting for a play date.
An emotional affair is not a real affair right? Sit on that
Run. Run like the fucking wind.
Go with your gut feel.
Fuck that he is wrong, not you
Tracy Gabrielle Lopez Pajes
Listen to your gut. You already know the answer to your question!
Most important thing you can do is… trust. Your. Gut. I know that isn’t what you want, but he is definitely being shady, and by claiming you “invaded his privacy” is a huge red flag. (Deflection) He lied, he continued to text her, and he DEFINITELY used your son. Trust yourself, sister. It won’t get any easier from here.
Trust. Your. Gut. If. You. Are. Not. Married. It might. Be. Best. Might. Be Time. To. Move. On. He. Can. Still. Be. A. Father. To. Your Son. My. Husband. Was. Cheating. I. Didn’t. Want. To. Believe. It. You. Could. Have. Told. Me. He. Did. Anything. But. That. I. Try. To. Make. It. Work. We. We’re. Married. For. 18 Years. I. Finally. Had. To. Say. Enough. Was. Enough. You. Can’t. Make. Another. Person. Happy. If. They. Are. Not. Happy. With. Themself. They. Won’t. Be. Happy. With. You.
Sounds like he’s trying to manipulate you into thinking you’re the bad guy for snooping when he’s the bad guy for lying and sneaking around. If it were me I would leave him. Just because you have a child together doesn’t mean you have to stay. If he was hiding this there’s prolly more. I’ve been through this with my kids dad. Sometimes hearing these things isn’t what we want but it can open your eyes to how a person really is. Trust your gut. Best of luck mama.
Always trust your gut. And I have to add to the woman that said you needed to make more of an effort, it’s that kind of attitude that keeps women in relationships with men who cheat and also with abusers. The whole, if I just try harder and do better, they won’t need anyone else and they’ll love me, is a toxic mindset. As an abuse survivor, hearing that kind of thing being said, well, I have to say something. Reading his old messages was an invasion of privacy, but that is a much smaller issue than his sneaking around having an “emotional affair” with another woman. How would he feel if roles were reversed? I bet he would NOT be okay with it.
I would be upset too. Your very valid on your feelings. He needs to put himself on your shoes how would he like it if you did the same thing? And said the same things to another man.
Wow, serious trust issues ahead as I see it. How about if you take over the playdates with other woman and her child? How would your S/O and other woman react to that, i.e., is it about the kids or them?
Girl thats not okay! That was more than a play date.straight up disrespectful! Be a strong woman and stand up for yourself!
He shouldn’t have lied. If he had nothing to hide he wouldn’t have lied. I’d be very upset.
He’s shifting the blame onto you to cover up his actions. He knows he’s done wrong that’s why he’s deflecting, if he has to lie to you then that’s a clear sign he knew what he was doing was wrong. I would not be ok with my partner texting another woman like that and especially using our children as the excuse to do so. Only you can decide what to do about it but I’d make it clear that he wasn’t respectful and you will not tolerate this behaviour. Maybe suggest that the next time she’s in town you all go on the play date as you don’t feel comfortable him going alone due to the nature of the texts/ lying, tell him he has to earn that trust back.
Stick to your gut feeling,
By failing to inform you they had met is Disturbing & only by you snooping would you have even known?
Sounds like you are hurt and angry… I would be too. Your fiancé was hiding something important from you and if he doesn’t understand that, you’ve got more problems involving trust coming your way. My belief is that it is important to find out now why he did not tell you what he was doing. Now is the time for honesty.
If you need to hide/lie about what you are doing then you really shouldn’t be doing it. That’s my motto I go by.
The fact that he failed to mention any of it then flat out lied would be my breaking point. So many red flags.
I would be very upset !
He lied! Thats enough to not trust him and feel this way!
At first I was like yeah no issue then kept reading and yeah that’s a issue to me 
Yikes. Not feeling good about it, though I realize there are two sides of story. I’m sorry. I would be upset.
Always trust your gut
If the shoe was on the other foot how would your partner feel?
Don’t trust a liar. He will screw you in the end.
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