Do I have a right to be upset that my neighbor didn't invite me to her baby shower?

My neighbor, who I thought was a close friend, didn’t invite me to her baby shower, and I am upset about it. I thought we were good friends. We would talk all the time, go out and do things together, and hang out with each other. I’ve always trusted her, and she was always there when I needed her. We both have a daughter the same age, and now she’s pregnant with a boy. Even in her darkest times of her pregnancy, I was there for her. I literally gave her all of my sons baby clothes and essentials as she having a boy. Over a $200 carseat for baby. Bins and bins of clothes were practically brand new, and my boy grew so fast that he never got to wear the clothes. A brand new bassinet I also gave her. She called me over the weekend asking what I was up to. I told her I had a birthday party to attend with my kiddos. I asked her what she was up to and she said “I’m going to a baby shower” I asked her who’s baby shower as she has told me numerous times she didn’t want to have one. I even offered to have her one, and she told me no. She then said, “My baby shower.” I responded with thanking her for inviting me. Her response was that I had already given her so much so she did want to invite me. I am hurt. I gave her those things because she had nothing, seeing that her daughter is 7 years old and she always complained about money issues. I just feel so disrespected. I gave it out the kindness of my heart and to get rid of the things that are no longer needed. You can’t tell me that this wasn’t planned for weeks, possibly months, especially since it was at a hall. So she knew about it this whole time and didn’t think to invite me. If I would of known I would have gone. Especially after I offered to have one for her. Should I just let it go?


I would cut ties. That seems like a very strange reason not to invite you? I had family/friends spend a lot and pass down stuff for my baby and I still invited them because I cared for them and it’s to celebrate the baby….


Just a baby shower. Never had one. Never been to one… I prefer to give/recieve presents when baby is born :woman_shrugging:


It may have just been like her super immediate family. More of like a family dinner. Since it is hard to judge her as a person without really knowing her as a person we can’t tell you what to do. How is she as a friend? Has there been issues before?


The more u give of yourself the more they like you , change your ways a enjoy the difference :pray:

I would still invite you! I just would have said to you “ you’ve already done so much and I don’t need a thing from you but you can help me plan! “. It’s weird of her not to invite you for sure.


I have to agree, I would be upset as well. She could of invited you and told you not to bring, but your self, because you had given her so much all ready. Just come and have a good time.


U did a good deed by giving her things. What she did to your friendship falls on her. Stop being so kind to her.


You gave out of your own free will, it doesn’t sound like it was a quid pro quo type thing. If you give something, no strings should be attached. Maybe the baby shower was a surprise and she had no control over who was invited. Maybe she had limited funds over who to invite. Maybe she honestly felt like inviting you would make you feel like you had to take another gift after giving her so much and she felt bad for it.

Lesson learned, if anything is expected, discuss it beforehand.


My brain was so all over the place I didn’t invite everyone I wanted to invite… I wasn’t sure if I was going to have one, I was all over the place with it… I wouldn’t take it so personally! Things happen! Someone probably insisted and took it upon themselves to organize for her… I bet she appreciates all you have done for her!!! I doubt she intended to hurt your feelings!


Some of us are just better friends than others. Don’t ever lose your giving heart, but also don’t keep people around who will gladly take advantage of your heart. You deserve a better “friend.”


You give someone something out of the kindness out of your heart not expecting them to return the favor it’s wrong to think otherwise. Maybe it’s not that personal try not to take it to heart


I see both sides… im guessing she felt that if she invited you that u would feel obligated to get her even more things for her baby when you have already given so much, amd she didnt realize how bad it would hurt your feelings. I would def talk to her and tell her how you feel.


Be a good friend. Give her space. Respect her decision and support her if you consider her a friend. She has her reasons I’m sure so let it go! Seriously don’t make it about you, just let it go and try to not let your ego get hurt. She’s pregnant and probably going through some things. Maybe she just wanted certain friends there who all knew each other or something like that. Seriously don’t take it so personal!


Im sorry this has happened to you, personally I would walk away ,that’s not how friends treat 1 anther ,I would be hurt if my close friend did this to me ,sending you love and light…


Maybe her family is throwing it and they embarrass her.

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You are intitaled to your feelings even if ppl don’t always agree with you.

Hurt feelings are hurt feelings. You know your value. Move on.


Cut ties with her. She’s no friend. I personally would be upset about it and I think u have every right to be. Sounds to me you two
are not on the same level on your friendship . Save the heartache and keep ur distance.

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She didn’t want to ask you to get yet another present for her or feel obligated to do so when you’ve already done so much for her. She didn’t want this shower, and probably hated being there herself and thought she’d spare you the bother. Or she knew some unpleasant people or people who clash were invited and she didn’t want you to suffer from the fireworks. Or her family holds very different views from you two and didn’t want you to be subjected to their social issue rants or political affronts.

Or whatever obnoxious person is throwing the shower doesn’t know you or like you, or it was just blood relatives or whatever invitation list restriction kept you off.

Or she feels burdened by all your hand-me-downs. Did you ask her if she wanted the clothes or bassinet etc.? Maybe she wants all new stuff, or she has a specific decor she wants and your stuff doesn’t fit her aesthetic. Or she feels like she already has so much stuff for baby and really doesn’t want one more thing. Or she loves to shop for baby stuff herself.

Let her know you are hurt at not being invited and ask her how she views your relationship. Then carry on as usual or make adjustments as needed.


I would see how she acts from this point, and if she brings it up, say, I have to be honest with you, my feelings were hurt that you didn’t invite me.

I had to have separate showers because some family can’t get along with other family… both were great. So one was mostly friends with a few family members ans the other was family w a few friends


She never specified she couldn’t invite her she clearly said well since you already gave me all this stuff I didn’t think I needed to invite you. Baby showers shouldn’t be all about gifts and that’s apparently what it was all about to her. I would be cordial since she’s your neighbor but I wouldn’t be trying to hang out or any of that. If she had the shower at a hall I don’t see how one more person would have mattered either way. She doesn’t sound like a friend.


Feelings are hurt and that Is understandable. Maybe there’s more to the story that she didn’t know or that hasn’t been communicated to you. Wait it out til you know more of the backstory. I would be hurt too but i wouldn’t let it damage a friendship


Some people have large families and have had baby showers for family only, like all aunts and cousins. Maybe her baby shower was a family shower. If I were you I would initially feel hurt but if it were something like a family shower or old college friends shower it would be understandable that you were not invited. You have already given her so much. Try to move on.


The fact that you’re using everything you gave to her as a reason means you didn’t do it out of kindness. Should you have been invited, absolutely. But consider she wasn’t in charge of the guest list, or maybe she thought you did enough… it’s not about you.


Tell her to f off she knew

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Sounds like a taker / not appreciated all you have done.
I would be careful what I said to her from now on.


Why are people laughing at this? This is extremely hurtful. I would remain cordial and keep my distance.


All I going say someone said this to me about who I thought was a good friend and I’ve kept distance since
Is you SHE is your bestfriend/close friend but she don’t feel same way bowt u

Or it could b like everyone else has put it
Someone done it for her
Maybe only close close family and friends
Maybe u give so much she don’t want to feel u had to buy her something else

If you gave it from the heart and considered her a friend, why make a big deal about it?
This is why when you give something, you give from the heart and never expect anything in return that way you are never disappointed.


Maybe it was Family one maybe she thought you would be obligated to give more I think there may be many reasons


Ditch her immediately…wait till the baby comes. Guarantee she will be knocking on your door. DON’T ANSWER IT…


If she wasn’t throwing her shower it could have been an RSVP event and she didn’t want you to feel left out if they didn’t have enough to have you there as well. I wouldn’t take it to the heart at all. Everything happens for a reason. When you’re friends, you just trust that the intentions weren’t to hurt you. But if you are hurt by it, keep your distance.

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Sometimes we give , always expect nothing in return.
Also, this is why I don’t talk to my neighbors :woman_facepalming:


Time to look after yourself, being upset with what others do really is not good for your well-being as well as not your business. What is your business is looking after yourself. Don’t change who you are, however it is important not to expect people to act a certain way. If you don’t like how you have been treated time to set boundaries that support yourself.

I wouldn’t be mad. I would be happy. I didn’t have to go to something with people I didn’t know. ( I’m not a social person).

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Not really.

She gave you an explanation which is understandable but I take your point.

It’s fine.

Friendship isn’t meant to be transactional; “I did this for you, you do this for me”.

I’m more concerned about the proliferation of people raising kids to say “would of” instead of “would have”.


I wouldn’t cut ties with her but I also wouldn’t be involved in going places with her anymore. I wouldn’t trust a person like that. Sorry but you can’t make people invite you and always want you around. Maybe it was a family thing.


You didn’t give out of the goodness of your heart if you’re mad like this.
My first thought was maybe she didn’t invite you because after all you gave her she didn’t want to come across like she was asking you for more. Even before I read that was the reason she gave you. Also it could’ve been a surprise to her thrown by someone else. If you are really her friend you will apologize and tell her you just felt left out and would’ve loved to have been there and then leave it at that.


Wow that it very messed up she didn’t invite you.I’m sorry ,but that is not a friend or at least not a good one.Seems like she just wanted things from you,but obviously not your friendship😏


It’s all good ,chalk it up to s mistake,go on without her or treat lightly with her.When my son got married I was never invited to a bachelorette party or wedding shower.Was Never invited to either one of their baby showers either.You can forgive but not forget.Live your best life Without her,you can’t and don’t want to force your friendship on someone,that doesn’t work,Good Luck.

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I wouldn’t give her the time of day, cut all ties with her and if asked why? Tell her straight out why🤬


Yes, let it go… maybe she really does feel that way, or maybe there is a reason that she doesn’t want to tell you, like maybe her husband didn’t want her to, maybe whoever is throwing it for her, there could be a reason and I would just let it go honestly

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What a weird reason not to invite you. She could have invited you and said you don’t need to get her a gift.
But anyway, whatever I guess.


I would not consider her a friend. I would cut ties with her. That’s just so distasteful to not invite you.


It sounds like someone threw her a baby shower she didn’t want/ask for and she didn’t want you to feel obligated to buy her shit :woman_shrugging: She probably downplayed it bc she was uncomfortable with it but didn’t want to seem ungrateful.

Let it go. You just got your reasoning. She didn’t invite you because in her mind an invite is a gift expectation and she didn’t want to do that to you since you gave soo much already.


I think you should let it go. It seems to me that she didn’t invite you in case you bought her more things after giving her so much.


I couldn’t let it go but that’s just me. I’m so sorry. She’s NOT your friend.


Wow… that’s really weird… something is up… you Need to cut all ties with her real quick and in a hurry… …:woozy_face::roll_eyes::woozy_face::thinking::thinking:.


I had a friend that was really close. She was there almost daily for my pregnancy and even called herself my baby daddy when I had my oldest. She moved back home and got hooked on drugs. I begged her to come back and get clean. She did. Then treated me like I was no one. It was a Christian based rehab and she left the program a new person. She turned her life around, got married, and left the area. She didn’t invite me to her wedding. Spoke to me all around it though and never mentioned it. I now talk to her once a year maybe. It killed our friendship. She wasn’t my neighbor though and it was an easy cut off for me.

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She probably thought she was going to look greedy by inviting u expecting another gift. Let it go.


Imagine been so dramatic that you have to put everything you gave to someone online out of anger , when you give with your heart you do not expect anything in return , if I was her and find out what you wrote online I will return every single thing to you, you are the type of person that will rub that in her face every time you get upset about anything.
You have not idea of the reason you were not invited .

  1. Someone could have done it for her
  2. She wanted something small with just family
  3. She didn’t saw a point of inviting you becasue you already gave her a lot and she didn’t wanted you to think that you should give her something else
  1. Maybe someone was throwing it for her and they did the guest list, 2. Maybe she meant what she said and since you had already given her so much she didn’t want you to think you had to give another gift at the shower. Maybe she was being kind in return and I would let it go. NOT worth messing up a friendship for, good friends are hard to find.

I would be upset too, especially with everything you gave her at least she could of invited you, all she had to say was just don’t give me anything since you already have. Maybe she didn’t think about it, idk. But I would still invite someone even if they gave me a lot of stuff. That just seems lil odd to me.

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My feelings would be hurt if the shower was being held at her house, but since she mentioned she’s GOING to her shower sounds like it could’ve been thrown by family.


That’s crazy not to invite you imo… what kinda friend does that?

Let it go. This shower may be given by people that you don’t know.


In the 44yrs of my marriage, I have never had neighbors as friends. They take too much advantage and way too noisy. I will speak and say hello whenever I see them, but what goes on in each other’s house is no one’s business. This is a practice I’ve never regreted. I’ve got enough friends. I’ve been best friends with my bestie for 50yrs.

Just talk to her, clear the air. We give out of kindness without expectations. Your a kind heart don’t let this bother you . Your doing great.

You are human and have feelings. I would also feel hurt. Invite her over for coffee and tell her how you feel, from there you can work it out and keep your friendship or go your separate ways. Never be ashamed of your feelings!

This sort of stuff happens all the time,you are just neighbours who is there to talk to and do things with when she’s bored or has no one to do stuff with,sadly this happens all the time neighbours but not really friends

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You should tell her that you are hurt. Let her know she’s your friend and you wanted to celebrate the new baby with her! Sounds like maybe she was trying not to make you feel used and didn’t realize it was hurtful.


Tatum Brown Nope! I’d be having words for sure

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If you value her friendship then you need to sit down and have an adult conversation. Let her know that you thought you were close friends and tell her how you feel. She may have not included you because you have been so generous and she did not want you to feel obligated to purchase more. She may be coming from a good place and does not recognize that you are hurt. Different prospective. Sit down with her and have the hard conversation.:two_hearts:


You talk about being her friend…don’t judge her. She probably didn’t want you to feel like you had to give her anything more. I would let it go. Make sure she knows you’re hurting, but let it go

When you give you shouldn’t expect anything. I think u value the friendship at a diff level then her.


Someone else throws the baby shower … that’s who didn’t invite you .

Never expect anything and you will never be disappointed. People can be horrible thats why I keep to myself .

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Maybe she truly didn’t want a shower…Maybe a pushy family member or coworker took it upon themselves to do one anyway? In which case they do the inviting. Maybe she really feels bad that you have done so much already. She is the only one that knows: you should kindly speak to her about it. You have a right to be upset, but depending on what you do with that will determine the friendship’s future


Let it go hun. This is life. If you gave her the baby things from the bottom of your heart then all should be well. It happens to the best of us.

I think you are an excellent friend, and she is trash. I would never talk to her again after this. #GhostNeighbor

You are overacting big time ok did she ask for it?? No you gave it if I was her I would give it back to you so you wouldn’t throw it in her face ! Maybe she ask what was your plans and you told her so she didn’t want to ruin it and that’s why she didn’t invite you why don’t you ask her instead on here

Yeah that wouldn’t sit well with me either. She purposely didn’t invite you knowing you probably would come. It sounds like a friendship for her convenience. :woman_shrugging:t3:

I could definitely see her feeling like if she were to invite you that she is basically asking you for a gift and you have given her a lot so it may seem rude. But if it really bothers you then maybe you guys just aren’t as close as you originally thought. So maybe it’s best to distance yourself from her in the future.

I’m sorry your hurt and in the same circumstances, I think I would be too. You gave her those things because you knew she would need them and you’re a good friend. 
I think you need to communicate with her. Have a talk and tell her how you feel. obviously, someone else was throwing her the shower and she didn’t have control over who was invited. Again talk to your friend tell her how you feel… life is way to short to hold grudges.


Do people actually desire to go to baby showers? I thought this was just something we did because we have to.

Sounds like she thought you had already given her so much that she didn’t want you to feel obligated to buy anything else for the shower. Also, it may be a family shower hosted by her child’s father’s side of the family, who knows.


Baby shower is not just about gift giving but celebrating a child coming with friends & family . So it’s weird that she said that. Maybe she doesn’t value a friendship as much as you do.

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It’s her party she can Cry if she wants to

I know I had baby showers thrown by church members, my coworkers, and those are ones I wouldn’t have invited extra people to as they were just for that group

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Sounds like she was trying to invite you but you were busy so she gave an excuse

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Be upset for a little bit and then let it go. She is your friend and you gave her so much out of kindness and caring. She told you she didn’t invite you because you had given her so much already and I feel she didn’t want to take advantage of your kindness. Kindly let her know of your disappointment in not being invited and then plan something together as friends do, to celebrate the coming of her baby. Please don’t lose your friendship over her mistake. We are all human and we make mistakes.

She told you why, she didn’t want to overstep on your generosity by having you go and giving an additional gift, because if you went, then it would be expected of you.

Seriously your friend was being the kind one here. When it comes to money issues and pride, sometimes you have to put yourself in the shoes of the less well to do person, and realize how awful it makes them feel to always be receiving instead of being able to give things.


I 100% would be upset to not have been invited to celebrate the new baby. I don’t think OP feels obligated just because she gave the neighbor stuff but simply wanted to be included in a friends big day. OP you 100% have a right to the way you feel and I understand. As others have said, I would let it go but I would have told the friend that you wish you were invited to celebrate the baby too but respect the decision to not invite you and move on.

I would have felt guilty inviting you after all the wonderful things you gifted! Wouldn’t have wanted you to feel obligated to do more! Also maybe whoever is throwing the party is inviting only certain people like family! Maybe she didn’t want the baby shower or doesn’t want you to have to deal with people who are going to be there.

It sounds like she’s using you, but the fact that she seemed to intentionally make you aware of the baby shower, while also basically making you aware you’re not invited, is weird. I’m not sure if she was wanting to invite you and genuinely worried she would come across rude if she did, or if she’s just using you and weirdly wanted to make you feel shitty.

Talk to her about your feelings.

You have the “right” to be upset because we all have the right to our feelings. But you also have the responsibility of what you do with that and if you choose to hold it against your friend, you will very likely live to regret those consequences.

Am I so old that I am out of touch thinking that baby showers are hosted by someone other than the mom-to-be? It doesn’t seem like this friend threw her own shower (only because she said she didn’t want to have one) which (if accurate) means she didn’t do the inviting. But even if she did, she told you that you’ve been so generous with her that she didn’t want to obligate you to buy another gift.

You have a good friend here. She told you the truth and didn’t try to hide it. She was grateful for all you’ve done for her. AND YOU WEREN’T AVAILABLE ANYWAY! Good friends are hard to find. Please stop looking for drama and issues


Also from the comment section here, a lot of you all have never been poor or felt the guilt of that. Too many of you can’t see it from the friend’s perspective. It’s very telling.


A lot of people are made to wear “many hats”. Dysfunctional family can cause people to feel the need to separate their true friends from the embarrassing things they would witness otherwise. Anxiety etc.
It also could be exactly what she said. She felt like she was asking too much.

I often feel bad about inviting people to events that require gifts bc I can not always afford to reciprocate when the time comes.


Some ppl are just strange & lack proper communication skills. Even the way she told you “I’m going to a baby shower” “my baby shower”. Weirdo!! Like who presents that sort of information that way?:roll_eyes: I do believe her reason, I suppose, but that mindset shows a lack of maturity in my opinion. She could’ve been completely upfront & said hey so my “whoever” has thrown me a shower against my wishes but I’d love for you to celebrate with me. Don’t worry about gifting since we both know you’ve done so much already. I really appreciate all of it & would love for you to be a part of my day". Any communication other than that is childish & I would definitely deal with her from a distance.


Don’t lose sleep over it! Most, neighbours are overrated! Best to just say high and bye. (Speaking from experience) :rofl:


Maybe she didn’t throw the shower ? I get you bought her and gave her things, Which I’m sure she appreciates beyond words, but that doesn’t mean it’s time to start reminiscing on all the things you gave/bought her. I would tell her “I’m a little butt hurt” but I wouldn’t take it to heart honestly.

Listen hun, you can’t call everyone your friend. This girl is NOT your friend. She didn’t invite you because she didn’t want you there. Even though you already gave her PLENTY of stuff, she still could’ve invited you and told you NOT to bring a gift because you already gave her so much. I can see how your feelings are but it is what it is. Moving forward, I would distance myself from her.


Maybe she felt like inviting you meant you’d feel the need to give her more stuff. AKA what you already gave her, wasn’t enough. So she didn’t want you to feel you had to give her more when you have already given her a lot. Sounds like someone else is throwing the shower for her and she didn’t know about it. Doesn’t mean she didn’t want you there. You’re a mom, you know how hard pregnancy can be. Just give her the benefit of the doubt and don’t make her feel guilty over something she may not have had control over.

Just talk to her about it, but my guess is she felt like you had given so much already. Just ask her the reasoning behind it. You should be able to talk to each other being close friends. It’s hard not to feel slighted but it is something you can get over if you still want your friendship.

First of all, you are so out of line!! Throwing this in her face and ever bringing it up isn’t out of the kindness of your heart. Maybe she was forced to have the shower. Maybe she didn’t invite you because family threw it and her family doesn’t know you. Maybe you have already given her stuff, so she didn’t want you to think she wanted more. Grow up. Do things because it’s the right thing to do, not so you can hold it over someone’s heads

I did this, so you should do that!


She could also be embarrassed of her family and not want friends to be blended with her family.

Her heart was in the right place, but unfortunately, her brain wasn’t. She most certainly should have invited you and said “You have done so much, please do not bring a gift, but please come have cake & punch.” Poor social skills do not make her a bad person. You have to decide if you want to be the bigger person, show her grace and continue to be a good friend & neighbor or if you prefer to join her in being unthoughtful.

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