So you have been together 11 years. He decides to marry you make it official. Yet you get mad because he goes fishing? Poor guy. Marriage is about compromise and communication. Be happy if us men just remember the day we got married. Js
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Maybe he didnt think it was a big deal. Did he ever communicate that it was that important to you? I tell me husband what i want and need
Together 11 yrs and youāre holding one date against himā¦ sounding a little selfish, childish and ungratefulā¦ if I were him Iād plan fishing trips for every one of those dates going fwd. Who wants to sit around with a bitter Brenda all day
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Grow up. You are being petty. So what if he missed one anniversary, there are plenty more to celebrate. You could have arranged to celebrate it the day before or after?
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Been married 36 years, never celebrated an anniversary or valentines dayā¦ doesnāt make us less married, and itās the most petty thing to stay mad for a year about that I can think of
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Get over it or get out honestly a year being pissed about that is a year wasted.
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that is what is called holding a grudge does he show you in other ways that he is thinking and loving you are kids happy is your man happy or are you stuck back there when he decided to go fishing dates are usually more important to us girl then our men if you want something from him for a special day tell him and talk talk talk talk your man should be your bezt friend lover supporter and so much more
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He tried to take you to dinner. Isnāt that like the standard celebration? You threw a strop said no and a year later still hold onto that grudge and want to for the rest of your years? Holding onto that anger is going to make you bitter in the long run and itāll only get worse. Eventually heāll stop trying and start making plans on those dates and youāll get angry all over again. You need to let it go. He made the effort that first year (dinner) but you just have different ideas on how much effort is acceptable. He could be on a manās group now saying the same about youā¦ together all those years and she made no plans at all, so I suggested dinner after she made no effort. She refused and now refuses to ever celebrate the day with me. Two sides to a story.
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You have a right to be angry, whether it makes sense to others or not everyone is entitled to their own feelings, but not celebrating the love you guys have shown each other the other 364 days sounds pretty petty. I mean first off, who are you really hurting? Yourself mostly. And secondly, holding a grudge and making him feel guilty for a year when heās tried to make it up to you? You guys arenāt gonna last if you canāt discuss a problem and then let it go.
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Good Godā¦ will you ever give him the chance to get it right?
Yes, he hurt you, it still hurtsā¦I get it.
BUUUUTTTTTā¦ heās going to become resentfulā¦ and THAT will be on YOU.
BEST BE MAKING SOME GROWN UP, LOGICAL, SENSIBLE DECISIONS PRETTY SOON, OR YOU MIGHT NOT HAVE A 5TH. 6TH, 7THā¦ WELL, YOU GET THE IDEA.
I think you need to forgive him. It sounds like he may want to make it up to you by planning something. In any case, you canāt keep dangling it over him and keep denying date nights. Ultimately, it will ruin your relationship.
There is no room for grudges in a healthy long term relationship. Address your concerns and give shin a chance to make it up to you and learn from the mistake. Youāre only hurting your relationship
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Feel how u wanna feel you have a right to that. Although in my opinion hubby wants to make plans for anni #2 and ur still mad about anni #1 2yrs later ? That u donāt even want to celebrate now? Smh I donāt get it. I say if u love ur husband and he is a good man father etc. Let that man wine and dine you let go of 2yrs ago and grab hold of the here and now.
Wow, it only took one year to cut out all the future years to comeā¦ Hold on tight, itās going to be a spiteful marriageā¦
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My husband and I donāt celebrate our wedding anniversary on the day very often heās away in a truck working most of the week, I donāt make a big deal about things because he missed out on so much watching the kids grow, birthdays, weddings, school graduations because heās working his butt off and only hone for 24hrs in a week. I donāt complain at all I know he loves me and thatās all that matters donāt take him for granted
be rgateful that you stil have a caring husband unlike some of us widows. Appreciate his kindness and his goodness. Good men are scarce
You had every right to be upset, but if heās trying to make it better, let him. He ruined the first one, donāt you go ruining the rest of them.
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You need to let it go, or you wonāt have any more anniversaryās.
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This is petty on your part. He offered to make you part of the day and you pouted instead.
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Erm lucky you to have so little to worry about u can hold onto a grudgeā¦ If it was that special and important and your THAT hurt leaveā¦ But carrying that resentment is petty
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Seems over the top tbh just move on
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My feelings would be hurtā¦
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Get used to it some men do not have a romantic bone in their whole body my late husband was one of them. I told him I would be happy to buy a case of White Castles a couple of Cokes and go down by the river front and watch the boats go by we never did, if that wasnāt a cheap date I donāt know what would be. I told him if you wanted to bring me flowers it would mean more to me if you stopped and picked wildflowers, that he would take the time to choose them himself. one time I got one flower because a friend suggested it. So get used to it.
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Stop sweating the small crap stuff.
What are you ? A teenager, ?
FFS anniversary yeap nice you made it, Valentineās oh please are you 13.
Grow up
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Noā¦ you should be over thatā¦ you can celebrate your anniversary and he can still do the trip. He even offered to take you to dinner and just ingore all your important datesā¦ you guys have been together for a long time now. So to be upset over one fishing trip is kinda ridiculous. Let him know he hurt and let him make it up to youā¦ I mean you made plans tooā¦ poor guy.
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You had a right to be hurt and upset when it happened, but staying angry over it for a year and then opting out of your second anniversary, when heās trying to make it up to you that he screwed up last year, isnāt going to do your marriage any favors. If you choose to skip out on it, like he did last year, then youāre only hurting him to get back at him, because he hurt you a year ago, which is kind of immature and not a good way to handle a relationship. From then on, itāll just be a back and forth and ruin all of your wedding anniversaries and only cause more bitterness and resentments in your marriage. Have you considered couples therapy, to talk out why that hurt you as badly as it did and how he can fix it (it sounds like he is trying to) in a way that makes things better for your relationship, going forward? He canāt take back what already happened, so in my opinion, I think if heās trying to plan ahead this time, maybe heās changing and trying to do better and you should forgive him and let it go, to save your marriage from having bigger issues. Celebrate your 2nd anniversary, is my suggestion. Staying bitter, holding grudges and keeping score, is a quick way to destroy any relationship.
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Im sure there will be plenty of more wedding anniversaryās you will spend together.
If you guys have been together 11 years I think you should have better communication. My husband and I have been together 7 years and I donāt mean this disrespectfully but we are very communicative about our feelings. No guessing games, no pouting nothing like that. But also compromise. Fishing tournament is obviously prob one day event, but you guys could have celebrated the next day for anniversary. Regardless how you handle it, you canāt hold things over your partners head. Communicate how it made you feel like an adult, and then make an agreements for the future.
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He is a Man quite a few of them are not romantic like woman the more you dwell on it the more it will eat it up as Linda M Wigger said let it go
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Yea get upset at the time but a year later is abit dramatic lol
You wanna last in a long marriage then you might wanna start to work together and especially start to communicate better . .
Pick your battle , donāt sweat the small stuff and move forward
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God and I thought I could hold a grudge 
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After 11 years together. Yeah get over it.
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I would have went with him. Fishing sounds like a great 1st wedding anniversary to me.
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Pick your battles girl, youāll just be causing more resentment. Talk it out & move on!
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You are acting like a child and not being a good roll model for your children. Itās like you holding onto this grudge is bad for your mental health and keeping you from experience happiness. Give your husband a break because your anger may just drive him away.
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I mean thatās some dedication 
but to be this petty after a year??? Heās gonna fuck up more than that you need to grow up!
Sounds kinda petty to me honestly. How do you maintain a committed relationship playing spiteful head games. Very immature.
Disappointments happen. Adults,. Discuss it, get over it. And move on.
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No mam, you communicate and discuss your grievances and move on. He is attempting to make a mends forgive and move on. You are willing to hurt your own self to maintain a now pointless grudge.
Get over it for god sake.
He knows you were upset, heās paid the price, why Forse him to relive it constantly. Youāre a grown ass adult, act like one.
No, he didnāt plan anything but you obviously didnāt either. In my experience men donāt plan anything 
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Your feelings are valid. You have a right to be upset about him choosing a fishing trip over your anniversary. However, youāve been holding this anger about it in for over a year now. This is obviously eating you up and the best advice I can give you is forgive him but tell him how much it hurt you, but allow him the chance to make it up to you and then let all that anger and hurt go and be released from your heart and your marriage. Do not allow this bitterness to continue to keep such a hold on you. But when you talk to him about how much it hurt you, you make sure that you make a point how you feel about special anniversaries and holidays or certain events and that you expect him to show up and be present. And you give him 30 days advance notice or 2 weeks or whatever and make sure he knows not to make plans on those dates/days/times. If you genuinely love him, and you work through this with him by giving him some grace for being an idiot that one time and then allow him the opportunity to fix or at least try to fix his foolish mistake, then you will likely look back on this many years from now and be able to laugh about it, but if you continue trying to punish him for one really dumb mistake, donāt be surprised if you end up destroying your marriage. Holding on to that much anger for that long and trying to continue to punish him is hurting nobody but yourself and your marriage. Ask yourself how you would feel if something happened to him tomorrow? Would you be full of regrets and sadness and anger that heās gone and you canāt take back the way you treated him and tried to punish him, or would you be satisfied and happy heās gone and feel justified and righteous in the way you treated him in those last moments together? We are not granted tomorrow or even 5 minutes from now, but obviously he loves you or he wouldnāt be trying to make it up to you. And honestly, how is he supposed to make it up to you or try to fix things if you wonāt allow him a change to try to do better? Youāve told him youāre upset and hurt and angry, and heās trying to plan something, but now itās on you because youāre refusing to do anything, so thatās on you now. So now youāre just punishing yourself and your marriage to get back at him. He canāt get the time back, he canāt do that day over. All he can do is try his best from here on out to never make that mistake again, and you either give him the opportunity to try to do better and forgive him, or you just go ahead and get divorced and let him leave in peace, because at this point youāre just being spiteful and youāre going to destroy your marriage if you donāt let this go. Also, I would probably get some therapy if youāre holding on to that much anger for so long. Thatās extremely toxic, and especially in a marriage. I mean if he had lied about a fishing trip and went and cheated on you, I could definitely understand that level and length of anger, but this, nah, this aināt worth all that. I promise itās not. Give him some grace, forgive him, and let him make it up to you.
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You have the right to be upset about anything that upsets you. It wonāt, however, make him care that you are.
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I thought I was the grudge queen of pettyā¦ but nope. Itās not me. You win. Let it go girl. Youāre making yourself miserable forever over a day. You guys have been together 11 years. He went to a fishing tournament then wanted to go out with you that evening and YOU refused the offer.
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Sounds like he is trying to make up for āhurting youā I mean itās been a year cut him some slack and let it go
What?
What?
Seriously?
Wow. You are the queen of petty. I really have no words lol. I truly feel bad for that man.
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Um you need to grow up maāam. I could understand being mad for a while but a whole damn year thatās marriage killing holding a grudge like that. You need to be able to communicate with each other. Men arenāt as romantic as we are, need to also keep that in mind too. It not healthy keeping all that anger in for so long. Thatās not me saying that your feelings arenāt valid because they are but being angry and holding a grudge for that long is pretty petty. Best of luck.
Honestly, itās pretty petty on your part.
Like I get being hurt by it but at the same time, it isnāt an every year type thing, and you said youād been together 11 years? Whatās one anniversary with a lifetime more??
Like I get that itās technically the first one married but is it really that big of a deal?
Pick your battles.
Looking at it from another perspective - he trusted that you knew he loved you enough that he felt comfortable asking to give up this one date night so he could go do something he was super looking forward to - go have a fun break with his buddies - which letās be real - none of us do enough of ā¦
And you completely back handed him ā¦
Now he is going to feel uneasy and guilty every time he is gonna want to go out with friends and he probably felt guilty the whole time too.
Because you decided to fail at communicating what you actually wanted from him in regards to the trip / your anniversary.
So ā¦ reality is this is your doing and from my perspective, Iām not sorry, youāre in the wrong for it ā¦ Your husband is the one who deserves a little mercy because from where I am standing it looks like you had given him permission to go on this trip and have fun with his buddies and thatās just wrong. Also side note - if you wanted to spend so much time with him, why didnāt you ask to go fishing with him?! It may not be " your cup of tea" but it would still have been better than making everyone else around miserable beca6you have a distorted view of the situation. Good luck 
maybe therapy for you might help? Iām actually not trying to be mean with that comment, at all. Like legit it might help.it does sound like thereās something happening beyond whatās been said for this to be such a big issue.
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So childishā¦ you are clearly lacking communication in your relationship 
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Wow your still angry a year later that he went fishing on your first anniversary ok itās a tad annoying but you could have arranged something and then discussed it with him so that would have gave him the option of doing what you planned or go fishing, if you have mentioned it several times in a year least he has shown he has listened to you and now your throwing it back in his face wow talk about spitting your dummy out and being childish about it
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Really, Valentines day is a complete rip off, he went fishing due to the time if year but asked you to dinner on the evening of your anniversary, did you think you should spend the whole day together. Your still holding a grudge a year later which is really petty, you come across as a petty, petulant teenager. Iām sure youāve done things that have hurt his feelings, did he hold it over your head whole year, get over it or leave, your going to make yours, his and your childrenās lives miserable otherwise 
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He wanted to make plans for dinner but because he didnāt spend the morning with you, you refused. Seriously, grow up.
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He went to a fishing tournament during the day and wanted to take you out that night but you threw a fit and didnāt go and now you are still throwing a fit and not going out with him at all? Get over it or youāll have no one to ask you to celebrate any of that stuff with
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Not going to make a deal about it but youāre still going on about it a whole year later? Sounds like you need to grow up because this mindset sounds very immature
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Just go out with the poor man and let him make it up to you. He obviously didnāt mean for his fishing tournament to be on the day of your Anniversary! Like seriously lifeās to short to be holding a grudge as something as petty as thisā¦.sorry to say. I wish I had your problems trust me! You should show love, and go out as a couple anyway, not just because itās a special Anniversary/event that people celebrate. To make a marriage or any relationship work communication is key! Talk to your husband, donāt torture him for something he clearly wants to make right. I guess be upset when it happened, Iām sure most would take offence over something like that. but to prolong it and cut him off aināt gonna help.
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Pretty petty. If I was him I would take you on a date to the courthouse and the 2nd year would be obsolete
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I would have went fishing with him.
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Why didnt you go with him to the tournament? Hell for my honeymoon and every anniversary we go salmon fishing together for 3 days. Marriage isnāt about fancy dinners and gifts in special occasions. Express to him how you feel and go do something together that you both would enjoy. Men are blind when it comes to Womens expectations, itās not like they just do it on purpose to be hurtful.
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It kind of sounds stupid the next year your gonna punish him for the year before and so on.
I happily packed my husband off for fishing trips on all sorts of speciaI occasions. Is he a good husband and Father ? Have you planned anything Special for him ?
Let him fish in peace and go out to dinner when he gets backā¦or cook something special for you both in the evening after the children are in bed .
Feeling anger is a valid feeling but itās concerning that youāre holding on to this anger for so long. What are you trying to achieve?
We all feel hurt from time to time, but you need to process these feelings, work through it and communicate and then move on. Staying in one place emotionally and using your pain as an excuse to behave in a way that will hurt your partner deliberately is probably not the best way to improve this situation.
We all make mistakes, errors of judgement. He offered to redeem himself by offering a second anniversary date - but you knocked him back, did that help to solve your problem or are you trying to teach him a lesson?
Both apologise, both admit you made a mistake, and move on, let it go. 
He TRIED to do something on the one year anniversary and you said no. No, an anniversary is not as important as the wedding. You have 1 wedding and tons of anniversaries.
You made a big stink to him that these are important so he tries to show you he understands by making plans with you and you shut him down. I feel so bad for him considering he tried to do what you asked him to and he still gets shut down.
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You have the right to feel any way you want, however, you are only a year in and there is a wedge that will only grow and fester to the point where you will hate this man and the marriage will end. Men in general donāt see the importance of these dates and donāt understand why we get so pissy about it until we explain it to them. I think you need to sit down with him and explain the significance of these dates, how it made you feel when he chose fishing over you and give him an opportunity to make it up to you. If you choose to forgive him and move forward, donāt bring this up again if he makes a mistake. We all make mistakes now and again. If you Love this man communicate with him and see where his head is at on this. Holding on to this for a year is not healthy for you physically, emotionally or for your marriage. The choice is totally yours, but if I Loved someone enough to marry them, I would definitely communicate what I was feeling and give them a chance to fix it. Think about itā¦ it is not like he cheated on you on this day. Just a thoughtā¦
Let it go! Youāve made your point. Youāre prepared to let this happen every year for the rest of your marriage?? He must be so pleased heās done this?!
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Money doesnāt grow on trees and bills only wait for so long. Does she have children, pets? Money is necessary to take care of things sadly. Give her a break unless she does that alot, then Iād get why youād be upset
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I mean, I can understand being slightly bummed outā¦ but in the end, her priorities are much more important than your birthday. You have one every year, youāll be fine.
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Are you upset that she canāt afford to buy you dinner or because youāre missing an opportunity to spend time together? If I were you Iād suggest doing something else that doesnāt cost much so you can still celebrate your birthday with your friend. If sheās a real friend, the only thing that should really matter is spending time together celebrating your birthday, regardless of what you do.
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Do you expect her to shit the money?? You arenāt 10, stop acting like you are. Your happiness is not her responsibility.
Being bummed canāt be helped. But if itās sheās your friend u buck up and deal.
Adulting is rough. Hopefully you guys can get together soon
Maybe just go hang out with her ? Order a pizza in and appreciate the time together š©·
You sound like a spoiled brat!! Glad youāre not my friend
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Id still go out and pay for us both
Itās really not a thingā¦ Pout about it for a little bitā¦ And go on
Why do you feel like she owes you a birthday dinner? People have priorities and bills. If you want to hang out with her then invite her over and just watch a movie and have fun. Donāt make her take you out, thatās a little ridiculous.
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Have a movie night with your friend.
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Cook dinner togetherā¦ then go to a park and have a nice walk! That would be a wonderful birthday presentā¦ just to spend it with your best friend!!
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Be a giver not a receiver Zzzz 
Iām sure your friend has given for every other birthday. Youāre not going to die if she misses one because her bills need to be paid.
I mean if I was looking forward to something for my birthday and it didnāt happen, id be bummed too. I think youāre reasonable for that. Your friend was being honest, she didnāt stand you up or anything. Sometimes things happen as adults. I get it. Youāre not wrong. All depends on how you react. If youāre just bummed and you tell her its okay, thats totally okay.
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Cook dinner together! Find some random shiiii in your pantry and create a meal!
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I donāt think so. This is real life and real world problems . Bills have to be paid. I canāt fathom not understanding when my best friend has no money
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I mean , what are you upset about?
If my friend canāt take me out for my birthday becasue she doesnāt have enough money, I will ask her to go anyway and I will pay, we can just stay and watch movies , eat ice cream and just spend time together
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Curious to how old you are? 5?
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Youāre an adult itās time to get over things like this. Life is hard and maybe doing something free with your friend is better than going out to dinner.
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Being disappointed is understandable, but if youāre upset with her about it, thatās NOT ok.
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You are an adult. Things happen.
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Time together is the best birthday present
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I can understand being bummed out about not ā¢spending time together/hanging outā¢ (which in that case, there are alternatives options I would think). But if youāre bummed out/upset bc she canāt PAY to take you out, thatās not okay. She had good intentions, things come up, be an adult. She doesnāt owe you anything. Itās more admirable if YOUāD taken you both out when she said she was unable to.
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Boo hoo. People drowned this week, lost their homes and everything theyāve worked forā¦ sorry if I canāt feel any sympathy for your āissueāā¦
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I guess you can feel bummed but bills come first. Iām sure sheās bummed about it also.
The fact that itās bothered you enough to post online to ask a bunch of randoms for validation tells me you need to simmer down. Shit happens. Why not raid your cupboard and see if you can make something and invite your friend over for a meal and a movie.
You canāt be serious? Are we back in middle school? If youāre seriously that upset that your friend couldnāt take you out you have a lot of growing up to do. ļæ¼
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I literally stopped being friends with my bestfriend of 14 years because she felt entitled to have my birthday with me over my partner and kids
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If sheās already struggling to make ends meet, YTA for expecting her to take you out. Your an adult ffs. The economy is rough as hell right now.
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Itās time to pull your big girl pants up and get over it
Get over it. Your not a child . Life stuff happens
No you donāt itās her money and her bills comes first make other plans with her some dont cost money have a movie nignt go for a walk etc mine stays 9 hours away and I would do anything to have that time with my bestie enjoy that time together
Being disappointed is ok. If you canāt help but feel upset then take a step back and ask yourself why sheās your best friend. If she always comes through and makes herself available to you especially on special occasions, then this one time shouldnāt upset you. If you are the type of person who thinks birthdays are a big deal then thatās ok because I believe the same thing. I put effort into my friendships and cultivate my relationships but I had to learn that not everyone is like that and thatās ok. Look at the whole picture and not just your bday. You probably went all out for hers and was expecting the same in return.
So invite her over and cook a dinner together and have a blast.
I would never expect someone else to pay for my dinner if we go out somewhere to eat. For my birthday this year I went to eat lunch with my bestfriend. I wasnāt expecting her to pay for my meal or forcing her too, but she chose too. I was fully ready to pay for my meal regardless. I donāt ever go out anywhere unless I know I have the money to pay for myself. Things happen. Yall are adults. She has bills to pay.
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