Please post anonymously I had my son two months ago, and ever since I have been feeling very self-conscious, I’ve asked my boyfriend not to masturbate to other women bc it feels like cheating to me and makes me insecure bc those women aren’t realistic and neither is the sex in the videos. I know I cannot ask him not to masturbate at all and that it’s healthy and normal, so I’ve offered to take some videos or pictures that he can use, so he still has his alone time. He turned me down and told me he didn’t want to masturbate so he didn’t want video or pictures and now I feel even more self-conscious that he turned it down and I also feel like I’ve created a problem in my relationship bc I’ve asked him not to watch porn or read sex stories. Am I in the wrong? Is it controlling to ask someone not to watch porn?
All guys watch porn.
99 percent
Very unrealistic expectation for the guy
What happened to all the funny memes on this page?? It’s the reason I liked it. Some of these questions are just crazy
Un… Yeah you have a complete right to feel this way. He’s being highly disrespectful! If he wants to Jack it to other women so god damn bad, put his ass out to go find a 2 cent whore.
I would rather my man watch it then to go out and look for it …but 2 months post baby you should be able to have sex …men have needs just like any other human …
Guys in a relationship should not be watching porn. At all. Disgusting. Cheating.
If this isn’t something you talked about in the beginning of your relationship then you are in the wrong.
While I’ll never understand not wanting someone to watch porn if you feel that way you need to make it known asap. Most guys and a LOT of girls, myself included watch porn.
Wait so…you dont? Watch porn?
Your self confidence has hit low lovely.
You will regain it back over time.
I probably watch more porn than my man does.
No watching porn is form of cheating I mean some chicks dont care if the husband looks at other females or watch sick stuff but its gross
Uh no! If your not comfortable with it he shouldn’t do it I would be upset too he’s basically telling you he’d rather watch other women on the screen do it then you do it
…watch porn with him …
Like you said it’s fake, so what’s the problem? Watching porn is not cheating. 
Watch it with him, figure out what he’s into, and surprise him one night with some different things
Is this even a real question??..Seriously
We don’t allow that in our home… Its a respect we both request and it works for us. Your feelings are valid and he isn’t respecting you
Post partum hormones are crazy and the self-conscious feelings are totally normal. I think maybe you need to have a conversation about things he could do to help you feel better but I dont think it’s right to take something that’s harmless that he enjoys. I felt really self conscious after my daughter and I think it’s important you do things to make yourself feel better as well and not just expect him to (exercise, yoga, tanning, etc).
Some women are okay with it some aren’t. If he respects you and your wishes he will stop. If he feels addicted to it, he can get help.
If watching porn is cheating, what about those harlequin romance novels? People who worry about their SO watching porn may be too insecure.
Oh trust me, the sex in the videos can be realistic. It all depends on how freaky u r.
Depends how often he’s doing it instead of going to you. If it’s non-stop, yeah I’d be upset too. But if it’s every once in awhile, I wouldn’t worry too much about it.
I say, if you feel insecure about how you look. Do things for yourself. Go out with some girlfriends and get your hair and nails done. Go shopping. Go to the gym. Do what is going to boost your self esteem. Don’t beat yourself up. Majority of new mothers go through this; it’s normal. Keep your chin up girl♥️
Men are visual creatures. It’s better he looks at porn than get so worked up that he starts reading into how the gas station clerk smiled at him. Because that chick is accessible. Porn stars are just lips, holes, and noises on a screen. Get yourself some self confidence and you’ll be fine.
I never cared where he got his “appetite”, as long as he was still “eating at home”
You could always take boudoir photos. Can be for yourself to help make you feel better about yourself or take them for your man. Either way you choose is fine
…this is an odd question to me because sometimes my husband is like you gotta see this video…and I do the same …like …i dunno it’s not cheating it’s something you could both enjoy …laugh at and have fun with
Its crazy to me that so many of y’all down this woman for how she feels. Who cares if you watch porn with your man or y’all watch it alone. She obviously doesnt like it an I’d asking for advice, not for y’all to try an shame her for not being the same way as you
Watching porn isn’t cheating
You are allowed to set boundaries. If you’re not comfortable with something, or something negatively affects you or your relationship, you are allowed to draw a line.
Men don’t NEED porn. If he says he does then he needs to see an addiction counselor.
Unfortunately sex addiction is very real whether people know it or admit or not.
It damages many people, families, & marriages just like drugs.
He may or may not have an addiction to it but it’s best to figure it out now.
Yes all guys watch porn. But when denying time with a partner, when lying about the amount of time or money spent on the topic, & not taking a partners feelings into consideration at all, it appears it is already a problem.
Have a serious talk & decide if you can continue to live with it, if he’s willing to work on it not being an issue between you, or if you need to leave the situation.
An addiction will not get better when ignored.
What exactly is your concern? If you weren’t feeling self conscious would you be ok with him taking care of his business?? I would move away from such a specific and awkward set up. Maybe he’s not interested in sex right now so your offering was weird or like most guys what he wacks off to isn’t what he wants irl so you really made it awkward. You just had a baby. So give yourself time to be a mom. He should want you to be ok before you seek out sexy good times ( once you are cleared)and don’t fixate on that right now. You have a priority it’s your child.
Porn is not cheating.
I can honestly see both sides, as I remember how I looked post pregnancy. It has literally taken 4 years (mine will be 5 next month) to finally get back to where I feel sexy, but you have to so that yourself. Yes it’s nice to have your man compliment you, but at the end of the day you need to feel it for yourself. What I did post pregnancy was get a waist trainer from the beginning (others might not approve) & I wore clothes that flattered my body. I kinda went on a mini shopping spree. You are still very beautiful, remember you just had a baby and it takes time.
You have the right to feel anyway you do. It’s what you do with those feelings that might be an issue. My personal opinion is that if either partner goes outside the relationship for sexual gratification that’s considered cheating. Unless it something that you’ve discussed and are ok with. If you aren’t feeling up to sex after your baby, he should respect that. With that said, it isn’t unreasonable to ask him not to indulge in porn but it may be unrealistic for him. If it’s something you were ok with before especially. Keep the dialogue open to avoid misunderstandings.
This is ridiculous. You can’t put ‘no bashing’ before such an idiotic post.
I watch porn and my man don’t
I’m not okay with it. I will never be. 🤷 Sooo. What works in your relationship, may not work in others. So. If this is something that is upsetting you, then it’s going to be an issue the entire relationship.
Don’t act like y’all don’t watch it either lol better then going out there and Cheating . If he still gives you some and you do also. that is normal
Yes. It is. It’s literally his body. Grow up.
I had an ex with an issue lf a lot of porn… we were growing apart. I should pf votten help for us both asca couple but instead we just put distance between us. We didnt talk as much. I felt if i did it from then on it was a chore , went without. And we even tore eachother down. Wasnt healthy… but id say if he cant respect you , love your self. Keep empowering your self. See if he grows up or what … he would notice a change in yiu and tell him why u are focusing on u n baby… that the porn is an issue so you are konda doin your own thing (not saying leave but a hobby ,a gym , friends etc)
Boundaries are healthy in a relationship, if you’ve let him know about what makes you uncomfortable, or what hurts you emotionally and he doesn’t give a shit, he’s not the man for you
Ive got some photos for his wank bank if he wants them lighten up n shag him ya mornji cow 
Porn is for men who aren’t with anyone(single) if you’re having sex there shouldn’t be a need…try seducing him agian maybe it’ll ignite a flame
Mine used to watch porn and it made me feel self conscious too, like our sex wasn’t good enough or he wanted to be with someone that looked like the girl in the video. I told him how I felt about and he respects my feelings about it and doesn’t watch porn anymore but I totally understand he’s got needs that I just don’t feel like taking care of sometimes so I let him take pictures of me and he’ll come in the bathroom and do his thing while I’m the bath! If your willing to strut your stuff for him so he’s got something to look at while doing his thing then he should respect your feelings about it…
I had an ex that was really into watching porn… I found a secret zipped folder in his laptop that was full of videos of all kinds of stuff and when I discovered it my first reaction was anger and pure rage because at first I thought why does he need all that crap when he has me and at that time we were heavily engaged in the sexual department. So after going through a few of the folders and looking at what he had i decided to spice things up a bit and it helped our relationship out and I also told him to delete the folder. I told him if I was going to be doing more things than he could compromise and get rid of the trash. He did.
PORN IS NOT CHEATING. I’m so sick of seeing that damn comment. To YOU it may not be, to someone else it may be ! Not everyone is okay with their significant other watching another naked Male or female. Fantasy or not. And she shouldnt be shamed because YOU dont think its cheated. But regardless its rude asf.
I don’t think so. I told my boyfriend when we started dating I don’t like porn to be in my relationships unless it’s watching it together. He stopped and hasn’t watched it. I send him pics and videos every now and again. I just find porn in a relationship to be disrespectful. We all have our different views and opinions. Do what works for you and your relationship.
OMG! Let that man watch porn and slap his salami in peace. Damn! No he doesn’t want videos/pictures of you.
Maybe YOU need to get some counseling because your insecurities is going to cost you your relationship.
Good god, can we remember we are supposed to support one another. If you feel insecure than you need to discuss it with your partner. And there is a fine line between what you two define as ok and what others do. My fiancé doesn’t watch porn so not every guy does. He does have videos of us and me though
Gaw some of you really need to thing before you say something. “Grow up” “idiotic post” etc. C’mon talk to her like if your girlfriend asked you to your face. Porn absolutely can ruin a relationship. If he went to the strip club every night would that be a different story? If you’re not okay with it. You are not okay with it. It’s your sex life too! You can come to an agreement or alternative is this area, it’s not difficult, but both of you need to give a little to make each other happy. Good luck!
I’ll just answer your questions. Are you wrong? Yes. Is it controlling? Yes…
With the caveat that if he isn’t disregarding sex with you to masturbate… there’s no issue. You said yourself it’s fake… at least he isn’t banging the neighbor. Leave it alone.
I honestly get your side. Honestly i seriously do. For me its not that it feels like cheating so much as i feel like there’s no way to live up to the expectations it can produce and that it can and does create problems (to be fair my views are tied up with a lot of PTSD from my ex…) it also makes me feel like that’s easier than making the effort with us which hurts. I think my reasons are pretty valid and rarely do i deny him any time with just him and i. I’ve also figured out that my “hard lines” that i can honestly “take” animated, stories, and audio better than actual porn. It still bothers me. Its just manageable.
At the same time…if you don’t feel like having sex or you’re unwilling to make time for it…then yes. Its unfair. Seriously there has to be some way for you both to get what you need.
I think you just need to some confidence building, you sound really insecure, porn is nothing more then a fantasy just like women went crazy over 50 shades of grey and started calling it mummy porn, if he was taking care of him self through chats live feeds or women online or sending him pics I would understand gour concern bur iys just porn love, offer him a gobby if your that concerned about his “needs”
Now let me give you some advice
Before my baby (which she is now 3 months old) my SO and I would watch it occasionally TOGETHER get ideas and try new things out or simply role play its dorky fun and sexy. He knows my boundaries and I know his. But I’ll be honest after my baby (I had preeclampsia so I gained alot of weight and have so many stretch marks) I feel extremely insecure not like I used to and the first 2 months were hard I eventually found out he was watching porn without me and I got extremely insecure because they were skinner then me blah blah ( I used to be skinny, I’m working on myself now) anyways I did what you did and he respected that and stopped searching for it. Yes we do have sex we even started 2 weeks before my 6 week check up.
Well recently I’ve started gaining my confidence back because i TRUST him and know he wont do anything to disrespect me because he actually listens. And last night I saw a really sexy picture of some women and I had to show him cause damn her body was inspirational and gorgeous. So I’m getting back to my old ways and I hate being controlling but you just have to give yourself some time and explain that to him also. If he loves you he’d understand good luck momma bear and congrats on the baby!
Almost all men watch porn whether they admit it or not and actually a lot of other women do too. It has nothing to do with him not finding you attractive. Just let him do his thing
Personally, I think porn is kinda stupid, but I don’t care if my husband watches it, and I certainly don’t think less of him because he does. I don’t know if he masturbates when he watches it and I’m not bothered if he does. It does not affect our relationship and I don’t consider it cheating.
That’s a totally normal feeling to feel after having a baby. I went through the same thing after our baby. I just told my SO how i felt about it and he respected how i felt and stopped. I didn’t get controlling about the situation tho and offer to take pics or videos. After i talked to my SO about the situation i ignored what he was doing and i let him decide what he does after the talk. I dont really care if my SO watches porn and does his thing i just felt insecure after having our baby.
Some of the comments are shocking… Am married 4 years and my hubby’s favourite thing 2 do is Bath and videos… He loves his videos even though he’s mine as well but would rather have others it’s not cheating it’s just a man thing… Saying that he would still watch mine…
You are not wrong. I did the same as you. And I honestly think that even if you didnt have a baby and was still uncomfy with what he’s doing he should respect your feelings.
If you do not like it, you have a right to feel however you do. If he cares about you he will stop. I’m ashamed to be a woman right now when you are asking for genuine help and women are bashing you. What works for one person, doesn’t for another. We don’t allow porn in our home either. We are good enough for each other. If your significant other “has” to watch porn to get his/her fix… that says a lot about that individual couple. Masturbation is NORMAL… for both men and women but if he doesn’t want stuff from you (videos) that reflects on what type of man he is. I’m sorry you are experiencing this, as I have too before in the beginning of my marriage. (A long time ago) we had the same conversation as you speak about and we agreed that there wouldn’t be any porn. It’s unnecessary in my opinion. While yes, you are just fresh from giving birth, your body is still healing inside. Your body just grew an amazing little baby! Your body is a damn temple momma! I don’t care if you are big, small, in between! Us women need to realize that carrying a child is one hell of a job. It’s not “taboo” All of that being said, at the end of the day, your feelings are indeed valid. If he is not accommodating for your feelings, as you have offered to supply him with videos yourself… I’d take a step back (don’t leave) but focus on you and that sweet baby) like another comment up there, do something for yourself! You’re putting so much energy into a man that is practically dismissing how you feel. If you think you are experiencing postpartum depression, please seek help ASAP. Reach out to your obgyn or primary care doctor. Don’t wait. I had it bad. Put you and that precious baby first love. Again, I’m sorry you are feeling that way because I too, feel as though watching porn is cheating. Much love
I have no problem with my husband watching porn also he has no problem with me watching it. We are very open about it and it does not affect our sex life in any negative way.
I get where you’re coming from. It causes me anxiety and insecurities. But I’ve also been cheated on unfortunately. Maybe instead of asking strangers who see cheating differently from how you see it talk to your man have a serious discussion about sex . But what you hear you might not like so Seriously be prepared and choose what’s discussed with thought because once you hear certain things you litterally cant unhear them. Whatever is said its said in trust dont use it against him that’s not fair. Maybe this will help you with those insecurities because once your in a relationship their body isnt yours to dictate what they do with it a relationship is sharing your life, body etc together. No judgement from me but this is something your gonna have to hash out for yourself he’s not responsible for your mental well being or how you feel that’s on you.
It’s an insecurity thing. Point blank.
What a controlling and toxic person you are. How about communicating with your partner on BOTH of your needs and not just yours
Him watching porn doesn’t translate to you not being attractive hell I love porn something my imagination can work with something different than what you have without stepping out on your partner. Let him watch you need to rest your body anyway and when you feel better start your sexy time again. Cut him some slack. Don’t let your insecurities get the best of you. Women tend to overthink everything. As to men are simple and primal.
I don’t agree with him watching it. To me, it is cheating. But, also I have been in a relationship where he had a porn addiction. It got so bad to where he was watching it while he was supposed to be taking of our kids at a young age. My daughter has heard him listening to it in his room. She thought that was disgusting.
She has a right to ask him not to if makes her feel insecure. Just like he has the right to say yes or no. I dont have a problem with people watching porn have watched it myself. However if you have someone you care about you shouldnt need it. You guys are saying she has no right and that its not cheating. Would you still feel the same if your S.O. was pleasuring theirself to pics of someone you know? Someone sends nude pics to your S.O. phone its not cheating right? After all they arent doing the deed with them physically right?
It starts out with watching porn and then that’s not enough. They will want a physical person.
My own personal opinion, porn isn’t cheating. He’s not going out a sleeping with a anyone. Maybe he doesn’t want to rush you back into sex after the baby? I know my husband watches it, but I’m not always home when he wants some. By 2 months postpartum we were back to a normal sex life. He’s not going to be able to restore your self confidence, that’s something you will have to do for yourself. Try having a conversation with him about the whole thing.
I feel insecure about my husband watching porn. We decided to watch it together. Win win 🤷
I’m conflicted here. I’ve known men to masturbate so much to porn that they can’t get hard any other way. It’s a mental illness. Yes, to an extent it is healthy. And it may be a good thing he turned you down with the nude pictures just because you never know who may get a hold of them. It is emotionally cheating in my point of view. Maybe both of you needs therapy, him to understand why he has to fill that need and for you so that you can get some self confidence back. And anyone that says everyone these days watches porn or that all men do. Not everyone and not all men do. It is a small amount of men that don’t watch it. I think there may be an issue here to address if it is bothering you. And couples therapy may help you both address and handle the issues as well as individual. And at first it may just be porn, then porn subscriptions, then it’s dating sites and hook up sites.
I say the hell with guys all guys just want those little skinny 80 and hundred pound girls I see nothing wrong with you I think you are a very beautiful woman he needs to open his eyes and look at what he has in front of him and still worried about those sleazy sluts
You need to love yourself girl… putting that strict of a restriction is likely to cause issues. Try looking at it from his side too …
Girl leave him alone. Your insecurities can ruin a relationship and if he wants to do it now he needs to hide which isn’t doing your relationship any good.
Watching porn is cheating 
If he was doing it before you met him I don’t see why you would ask him to stop … way worse things he could be doing than watching porn…
Maybe try watching it with him. Maybe it will ease your mind a little to see that it’s just a fantasy. Can be quite fun and spice things up.
Any woman on here saying her man doesn’t watch porn is just being lied to🤷🏻♀️
Did he use porn in the past with your ok? If so, you need to have an honest conversation with him about how and why your feelings have changed. Is he using porn in place of intimacy with you? That’s a problem. Bottom line, you two need to talk, the sooner, the better.
It don’t matter where he gets his appetite a long ass he comes home to eat! Besides any woman that says she don’t look, is full of dog crap.
That’s controlling. Either he can watch porn and masterbate. Or he can go out and cheat. Porn is not cheating he’s not emotionally or physically cheating on you. I wouldn’t want pictures of my man to masterbate to. Most people don’t watch just basic sex porn usually its a fantasy or fetish. Maybe watch it with him. Just because your insecure doesn’t mean you can put stipulations on him to make yourself more comfortable.
If it makes you uncomfortable, talk to him. Don’t just tell him “you need to stop or you can’t do this” actually express your feelings.
I’m sorry people are bashing you for this. Not everyone feels comfortable with their partner watching porn, and that’s ok.
A. Yes, you are wrong.
B. Deal with your insecurities by fixing you, not controlling what other people do around you or in your life.
C. Watching porn is not cheating. There are people who get addicted, doesn’t sound like your description.
D. Never take video or photographs like that. Once it’s out there, you have zero control over what happens with it, just like things posted online.
My husband knows that shit don’t fly with me PERIOD. He wants to do that, he can find some bimbo who doesn’t care about being disrespected cuz I sure TF won’t be
Well there is no porn in my relationship. We have sex about 3x a week. Our lives are busy and honestly its not an issue. When we were younger my husband would watch porn and it actually hurt my feelings too. It made me feel like i wasnt enough. We talked and when i told him he stopped. We have been together for 10.5 years and its doable to not have porn in your relationship.
Girl your feelings are valid, real, and worth being respected. I’m not down with porn either. After having kids our bodies change and insecurities arise. You’re not being unrealistic on not wanting him to do that. Dont take it personally that he “doesnt want” videos he might be embarrassed. It’s not that he isnt attracted to you its probably more about embarrassment and maybe even not wanting you to feel like you have to give him that. Ask him. Seems like you guys are pretty open and honest, ask him why he “turned them down”.
But again dont let these people that are putting you down make you feel less. Those are YOUR feelings and hes with YOU so it’s only your feelings that matter. I dont like it either, you’re not alone. Especially after having a baby. Give yourself some credit here.
Lmfao
You do know even without watching porn he will be masturbating to the thought of other women right?
You know he is watching it anyway right? Just deleting all the evidence. My friends went through this and Ill tell you like I did her. giirl let him have his porn, it literally has nothing to do with you or your body it’s just his “happy time” so stop tripping hun it’s just your mind messing you. He loves you and I’m sure of you told him how you felt it would help with the video thing, maybe let him be the 1 to take video or pictures.
Idk hun, sounds like you need to take couple’s therapy not necessarily for the whole porn thing but for both of you to better communicate with each other in a healthy way.
You aren’t wrong. He flat told you he doesn’t want to look at you while doing it.
Wow. The very least is you assholes can be encouraging and supporrive. The woman is feeling not so great about herself and some of you are laughing. Anyways, try to ignore the assholes. Yes although it is controlling. That doesn’t make your self love problem any less. Try to say at least 1 affirmation about yourself every day. Talk to your husband about how you feel. Let him know whats going on. Remember to do one self care thing for yourself once a day also.
I am absolutely shocked at the amount of women that are okay with their men getting off to images, videos and pictures of other women 
there’s nothing insecure with you not wanting your man getting pleasure from looking at other women what the hell is wrong with people? your feelings are valid and important to and it is something that you’re not comfortable with he should understand that. for people who are okay with it that’s great but there are many women who are not okay with it and we are not in the wrong for feeling that way. we should not be ashamed to want one hundred percent of our men’s attention on us when it comes to sexual pleasure and release. I’ve had two kids and I know exactly what you’re going through your confidence will come back! your husband should understand that this is a part of having children and he should be willing to work with you on what makes you comfortable and uncomfortable.
For some porn is cheating. I don’t get into relationships with people if i know they watch porn. Everyone has different expectations and rules in a relationship. If you don’t feel comfortable with him watching porn then that’s valid. I know people who date who watch porn together and i know others who consider it as cheating. It all depends on the people. And if someone can’t respect your wishes they aren’t right for you. There are people who don’t watch porn despite the popular views on it. If you feel adamant about it, and he disrespects your wishes I would say he isn’t for you and that you will find someone in the long run who is willing to respect your boundaries.
Porn played a huge part in what ended my marriage. He loved to watch it and would make me watch it with him. I was constantly being compared to the other women and being told how I should be pleasing him like they do in the videos. The pressure became too much and I honestly didn’t feel truly loved.
I don’t think it’s being “controlling” to ask your partner to stop watching porn if it makes you uncomfortable. If you truly love someone, I don’t think you really need it. My boyfriend now is so incredibly amazing. He respects me and doesn’t find porn to be appealing at all. Being in a relationship with someone who makes me feel enough is the absolute best neither of us watch porn and we still have great sex 
I’m also almost 7 months pregnant and he still comments on how attractive he thinks I am and has no problem trying to get into my panties. 
(just saying)
I’m sorry but you dont get to decide whether he sexually pleasures himself or not, you just dont get to decide that.
Self pleasure is perfectly normal in men and woman and has many mental and health benefits.
I’m sorry you’re feeling insecure ive been there like thousands of others, but now its up to you (with the help of your partner encouraging and lifiting you up) to change, its not your partners fault you feel insecure and its not up to him to change himself to make you feel better.
- Don’t ask about it, its his private time and its really not your business
- Do things that help you feel more comfortable with yourself, eat better, workout, get your nails done, do some yoga, fake tan etc.
- Talk to your partner about your insecuritues so he’s understanding how you feel.
Its. Not. Cheating.
It’s not wrong. I get why you’re feeling the way you are . Me to in a sense its cheating. If he’s rather wanting the fantasy of another woman while you’re sitting next to him … then what’s the point .
I’ve been with my husband 8 years, soon to be 9. I would never ask him to stop watching porn tbh. Watching porn is not cheating, and never will be, he is not with that person, he does not believe he can be with that person, it’s simply a fantasy. Everyone should be allowed to have fantasies. If you are insecure with you, you need to fix that within yourself instead of taking it out on your SO. If you dont like your body, start getting into better shape once the doctor clears you for it, if you dont like your hair, change it. You control you, stop trying to control the man who loves you.
Your insecurities are yours, not his. You need to seek counseling and fix them, it’s your responsibility. Not his. Your expectations are unrealistic and gonna cost you your relationship is you don’t stop.
Y’all are crazy. Porn doesn’t make people cheat. A shitty relationship does.
All these woman thinking their man dont watch porn 