QUESTION:
“So my husband cheated on me with his coworker. The lady he is planning on marrying ASAP as soon as our divorce is final. (they’ve been together a few months, I guess) anyways she does not help with my kids in any way (getting them a drink or anything I mean.) when she does become their stepmom, and if she continues to not participate in their everyday life do you think it would be petty of me to say she has no say in their discipline while with them for visits or anything similar? Or is that petty of me to say to them? I have gone the high ground the whole time. I am trying so hard not to be petty about any of it and just walk away from other than dealing with him for my kid’s sake as long as he keeps wanting to be in their lives, but I’m not going to bed him.”
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
“This is a slippery slope, and as a stepmom, I discuss with their father before any discipline is to be had. There are just boundaries I do not cross. We don’t believe in physical discipline, but dad has the ultimate say so. I also treat them as my own. I cook for them, clean, wash their laundry. I’m there for the sad times and happy. I love them as my own. But this is my and my husband’s house. Their mom isn’t allowed to negate what happens here, especially when we don’t do that to her.”
“Sadly, out of your control. It’s his house and you cant control what goes on in his house. So even if you day you want her to have no part in discipline, ultimately you have no say in how they run their household so there is no way for you to enforce it. Unless she gets out of hand with it but even then its still out of your direct control.”
“As a step parent her role is to support dads discipline. He needs to take the lead on his kids discipline and her back him up. Not her doing the discipline.”
“I definitely wouldn’t say it, because there’s absolutely no way you could enforce it. And she will probably want to suddenly do what you’re trying to tell her that she can’t.”
“Sorry but what happens at their fathers house is his business, as long as they are being cared for, its best to leave them to it, just like he leaves you to parent the kids when with you. It’s hard as you just want the best, but you have zero control over what they do. Unless you have physical proof she is hurting them, just need to stay in your own lane im afraid.”
“This realistically needs to be a conversation and agreement between you and your soon to be ex. I’ve been on both sides, and being a step parent ain’t easy, BUT looking back, I would’ve made the bio dad do more of it. If it becomes an issue, you can always try to lesson their time there if the dad isn’t willing to step up.”
“You have a right to say who can and cannot discipline your children, it doesn’t matter who’s house there at they are your children not hers. Everyone that is saying she can bc there under her house must be on something.”
“You can have it put in your custody papers that step parents are not allowed to discipline them.”
“If she isn’t willing to lift a finger to help she better not so much as even raise her voice at them kids!! If she’s marrying him shes accepting that responsibility of “stepmother-hood” so to speak. If it were me i would not DARE let her dicipline my child if she doesn’t help with anything else. You dont help, you get NO say in ANYTHING.”
“If she is the type that doesn’t participate in anything else….doubtful she will participate in discipline. My guess is……it won’t last long….or he will give the kids up for her. But you don’t have any say or right to say what goes on in their home unless your children are being harmed.”
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