Your daughter always comes first. I am deeply saddened for your daughter.
She needs you to be available at all times.
Frankly your husband is a fucken cunt
Let him go⌠Not only do your children come first but if he canât even handle the stress of dealing with a child who is clearly struggling mentally⌠How could you rely on him for anything else⌠Imagine if you ended up with postpartum depression⌠Would he ditch you because it was too hard? Yikes, 
2 Likes
What the hell did i just read between your daughter or your husband. Women your child always come FIRST no matter what the situation is. You gave birth to her. She didnât choose you you chose her. NEVER LET A MAN COME BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER. MAYBE YOU SHOULD LOOK IN TO SOME SHORT OF COUNSELING FOR YOUR SELF. No women in her right mind would pick a man over her child
10 Likes
I think it depends on what exactly your 14 year olds behavior is like. I went through the same thing with my 16 year old and my new husband. She was so out of control, vindictive, went out of her way to make his two step kidâs (5 and 6 years) do things to get into trouble, the things are too many to list. I tried and tried with her, counseling etc. She tell the counselor two sided stories so she could never actually get medically diagnosed. She ended up doing something so unforgivable I had to drive 14 hours to another state, while 8 months pregnant, by myself, to drop her off at her grandmothers. Long story but cps was involved and they told me if she came back theyâd take my baby once it was born. So yes I chose my husband because he tried so hard with her and she kept making it worse and worse. Like someone else said, you have other children to think about also. I KNOW how uncontrollable a teenager can get and I donât mean your typical, I hate my life type either. I love my daughter but she has hurt me more than anyone has. Just because you love someone and they are your child, doesnât give them the right to torture you or hurt you on a daily. Especially when all youâve ever done was try to give them a good life. So again it depends on your particular situation, with mine, it got to the point where I absolutely had no other choice.
5 Likes
I was in your daughters position a few years ago and still struggle trying to heal because my moms husband is verbally and emotionally abusive towards me. Iâve never gotten an apology for the things he has said to me but she has and everything is perfectly fine once she gets an apology and Iâm left to get shit on. Yeah you choose your fucking kid because thatâs your kid. The fact that you are struggling with this decision and didnât automatically choose your child already, you sound selfish. No child is so terrible in their behavioral issues (unless life threatening) to where they should be put out of their home because their parents selfishness. And Thereâs most definitely a reason behind her acting out and you arenât digging hard enough to figure it out. And if sheâs having behavioral issues towards him specifically, thereâs definitely a fuckin reason.
Tell him to leave? Idk what he thought being a parent was, but itâs not threatening to leave when shit gets hard. If he wants to leave, bye. Your daughter can pick up on things like that, and itâs just gunna make it worse for her and harder for her to get better
You choose your daughterâŚâŚwhy is this even a question?
2 Likes
That should be a no braner
You choose your child. Your child needs you more then ever now.
Move out and move on. If a man thinks your kids are too much, the love is gone. Dont you EVER choose a man over ur kids
1 Like
Your daughter is crying out for you thatâs why she is behaving this way mark my words. With all of these changes she has been going through (including puberty), she doesnât do well with change as quickly as you do. With all of these siblings coming a long the way, new marriage, all of these changes, it canât be easy for her. She needs YOU her mother. Spend time with her. Do something thatâs only for you and her. A real man doesnât give up on his family, he doesnât throw those words around. I know as parents itâs overwhelming but you guys are suppose to be a team. You are in a delicate condition also so he needs to pull himself together and be a frigging man. Donât ever choose between your husband and kids. Itâs a no brainer. Come on mom, pull yourself together. Good luck 
4 Likes
Kids, always the kids. If he wants to leave fine. But tell him he is CHOOSING to leave HIS family.
Dont you dare put your daughter in âplacementâ! If he cant be there through all of it, every last ugly part the world throws at you two, then kick him to the curb⌠He should be ashamed of himself for even putting this ultimatum even on the table⌠At least now you know that he wont be there for you âin sickness and in health, for better or for worseââŚ
Your daughter comes first. Maybe he can reside somewhere else so heâs not in the thick of it constantly.
Your kids come first ALWAYS. No matter how difficult they may be, theyâre your children. No person will ever be more important than them. They need you.
1 Like
This shouldnât even be a question. No wonder the kid has issues. Your children always come first no matter what. If he canât handle it, he can leave.
6 Likes
I wanna know whatâs gonna happen to the daughter if you âchooseâ your husband instead of her. Whatâs that mean for her exactly??? Seriously wanna know
6 Likes
You donât have to get rid of the father of your children, but he may have to get his own place to live if he canât deal with your children.
Donât abandon your children or child
1 Like
Always choose your child! No matter what , never choose a man over your child. If you turn your back on her now , sheâll forever hold a grudge and might do something way worse. Keep moving forward and forward with her , if your current husband canât help or want to be apart of this problem going on then heâs no man at all. Itâs a easy way , and excuse out for him⌠just remind him he took that oath when yâall married and if yâall can work it out because itâs spilting yâall family up. But if it boils down to it , your daughter!!! You can always fix yâall, help her through , focus on yâall , then later on youâll be surprised of what kind of man will be willing to take on a manâs responsibility that another man couldnât⌠Who will also not let you , your daughter, or other children face this by yâall self.
1 Like
Why donât you let your daughter go somewhere else to live and then you can be with your husbandâŚnice guyđ since you are asking the DUMBEST question then you are not a momâŚgive your daughter to one of us we choose our kids first âŚsorry you are not a mom âŚyou obviously care more for your "husband " than you do for your daughterâŚitâs obvious in the stupid question you are asking usâŚgive your daughter to one of us we love our children more than anythingâŚand Iâm a SINGLE mom âŚand I feel guilty going out one night and people like you sit there and ask the stupidest question on here. What is wrong with youâŚwoman you need the therapist not your daughterâŚsmh
5 Likes
Wow! What happened to being kind? Sheâs 6 months pregnant with hormones all over the place, a 4 year old and 2 other kids including her daughter with the issues. She not asked to be insulted, shes clearly overwhelmed give the woman a break⌠at least say it in a nice way calling names is not needed. Im sure she will realise her daughter comes first but her 2 other kids will loose their dad which is why shes prob at a loss. Hope you manage to find a middle way and not everyone on here is mean to a hormonal pregnant lady! Much love and strength!
10 Likes
-
Your daughter DID NOT ask to be here, you gave birth to her.
-
Men come and go, no way in hell do you choose a man over your CHILD.
-
He sounds like he doesnât want to be a part of her life anyways so get rid of him.
8 Likes
Your child comes before ANYONE! Period! They did not ask to be brought into this world!!
3 Likes
Leave bye bye
I hate when men get like that when things get 2 rough
Life is a bed of roses
Itâs messy and rough put them man balls on rock it like a man should
Iâll leave it at that
Right now Iâm on man bash so honey leave
Iâm telling u just go
I definitely agree with people saying your child always comes first. But maybe in this situation, with whatever her diagnosis may be, placement would be a better option for her AND for your entire family. That way you could run a more stress free household while also providing her with full time services and staff that she might need. That doesnât mean your family wouldnât see her or spend tons of quality family time with her. Maybe talk to him about working through everything and staying together as a family and seeing how things go until placement becomes available. Behavioral issues or whatever it may be are huge stressors on a relationship or marriage, so positive vibes your way!!
5 Likes
My question is when kids are 30 years old and get upset over your lover?? Where you draw line. And kids live,at home stillâŚ
1 Like
If you have to choose then that chose should be your daughter!!!Never give up on your children and definitely not for no man!!!
3 Likes
You would choose her. You can only try so long. If he doesnât want it you canât make him stay.
So⌠itâs sounds like heâs a weak minded individual whoâs ready to cut & run because things are hard. Drop him, all of you will be better for it in there long run.
3 Likes
That should never be a question put to you, but in choosing to become a mother you made a life long commitment to your child. The child should always come first. A real man would be by your side through the difficulty, not give you an ultimatum. If heâs willing to jump ship when the going is rough right now, he will do it again in the future.
2 Likes
Stop having kids if youâre asking how to choose between a man and your own children. Your children ALWAYS come first.
6 Likes
Okay so.
You can love an s/o more than your kids.
Some would argue that that is normal.
HOWEVER.
Your level of RESPONSIBILITY is higher TO your KIDS than to ANY man.
Kids are not able- developmentally or, anymore, legally- to fend for and to take full care of themselves.
Your husband is a grown ass man.
He CAN fend for and take care of himself.
So.
Now that we have THAT established, you can love this man to the moon and back.
With all that you are.
With ever fiber and atom of your being.
But even with that, your RESPONSIBILITY TO YOUR KIDS WILL BE HIGHER AT LEAST UNTIL THEY ARE LEGAL ADULTS, MAYBE YOU EVEN LONGER IF THERE ARE ANY DISABILITIES OR EXTENUATING CIRCUMSTANCES!
Are you a responsible parent or not?
Why is this a question? You choose your daughter over ANYONE AND EVERYTHING!
2 Likes
I think you need to be discussing "placement " for the husband. Do you really want to be with a man who makes you feel this way???
8 Likes
This whole post makes me angry
1 Like
No choiceâŚyour daughter comes before any manâŚ
UmmâŚ. Let him go? Sorry if that sounds harsh but your child comes first⌠he knew you had kids when he got with you. He could have left anytime in that 5 years. He waited till now. I think heâs using her as an excuse to not be with you and if so heâs a piece of shit for that. Hopefully you donât feel some type of way towards your daughter because of it. She needs you now more than he does. And Iâm gonna leave it at that. Iâd say, donât let the door hit you on the way out. 
If heâs chickening out like this heâs probably a shit dad anyway. He wants to bail because she isnât his biological child. Let him leave, heâs not worth it anyway.
You always choose your daughter! Just like you would your other children and baby you are growing in your belly.
No matter whatever circumstance is Iâd always choose my son over anyone including my husband!!
If you feel that you have to choose between your kids or your partner. Itâs your kids that need you more. I know itâs hard sometimes, but you should love your kids more then anything. Please be there for your daughter. It does help to write things down, maybe she can write her thoughts and feelings down. It may help her. Stay strong
Daughter comes first if he can deal with that then he needs to leave an not come back, like you even consider parming her off when she needs you the most stop breeding with this guy when your others are having problems an sort them out!
It would be no choice for me. If he canât handle it he can leave. My kid will ALWAYS come first 
4 Likes
If you have to choose. You choose your daughter. I canât believe this is a question.
7 Likes
Hopefully you wonât have to choose. But if thatâs what it comes down to, you choose her. 100% every time. I totally get itâs too much for him and if he canât handle it, he canât. But you always choose your children.
I can understand the stress being overwhelming. He knew this from the beginning though. He chose to be with you dispite the challenges, have children with you & marry you. You donât choose between your husband & daughter. He chooses to stay a family or not. If he canât handle it then he can miss out on his 2 kids.
Honestly if he feels this way and you are already going through so much then really i dont think your going to change his mind on the matter and really you have no choice you cant make him stay just do what is right for you and your babies
Sounds like he cant handle it and needs to pack a bag. Kids who do not have any behavioral challenges are hard enough especially with a new baby and clearly he cant cope with the challenges.
1 Like
Put him in a care home, heâs being a big baby. Donât want to deal with kids, donât have any.
4 Likes
Umm⌠Really⌠Seriously⌠KIDS ALWAYS ARE 1ST!!! Before anyone period. They did not ask to be brought into this world and they did not ask to have disabilities or special needs. You carried and gave birth to your child. Every kid born is a gift into this world. You even considering pushing your child onto someone else or a facility and choosing your husband over child is crazy. Yeah it may be tough and hard but that is what you signed up for when you got pregnant and became a mom. Being a parent comes with obstacles and challenges. I have a 7 year old with speech disability and sometimes anger and behavior issues and it can be difficult at times. Heâs still with me and I didnât push him off on someone else. On top of that I have a newborn as well. This whole post makes me angry. Your husband knew what he was getting into well before taking vows it sounds like. Oh yeah. If your child is to much to handle and all and the thought of choosing your husband over child. Girl. You shouldnât have gotten pregnant again. Time to stop having kids. Keep it in the pants.
The children come first, always.
1 Like
No wonder your daughter is in crisis⌠you sound like a peach
6 Likes
We are going through a lot with my step girls and some days it is sooo hardâŚand itâs trying on our relationship/s because that is allll we are dealing with maybe take some time for you and your husband to rejuvenate because there has been a few times now where I would like to throw in the towel but I love his girls and know that they need a little help
Some questions. . Were these issues there before he came into the picture of are they a result to him being in your life?
I do believe children come firstâŚ
Maybe he himself needs therapy to help him manage the situation better.
If HE is asking you to choose⌠give him the boot.
Your daughter needs a steady parent in her life. She needs to know she is loved and placing her elsewhere would just do the opposite of helping her
It doesnât sound like a choice to me⌠would he feel the same way if it was his biological child? Probably not. And thatâs a problem.
Boy byyyyeeeeee!!!
4 Likes
ALWAYS. CHOOSE. YOUR. CHILD. I understand you, I feel that you are in pain. I know that youâre are tired and life is hard. This is the best advice you can get though. Choose your child in everything!
2 Likes
This shouldnât even be a question youâre asking. Youâre child comes firstâŚalwaysâŚ
1 Like
Honestly thatâs probably one of the reasons sheâs acting the way she is. She can probably feels like a problem. And feels you WOULD choose your husband so she is acting out. Usually acting out in a child no matter the age is for attention. Just my thought.
3 Likes
Your daughter come first always if he canât handle the stress then let him go he supposed to be with you thur thick and thin the good and bad
Heâs already made his decision, the question is when. And the problem is not your daughter, itâs the new baby, heâs just using your daughter as an excuse. Itâs not even the new baby, but it made him realize that it never ends. He didnât marry you with the four year old and he thought the hard times were over when yâall got married 6 months ago. Then he got careless and you got pregnant. Now that really hard newborn stage is almost here and he is ready to cut and run. He hasnât even given it a chance. Drop his self on the curb. You can do it without him if he canât do it with you!
2 Likes
Pick your child everytime!! Shouldnât have to ask that!
3 Likes
Okay⌠the question that starts this off, tells me this marriage isnât going to work regardless. You should NEVER feel the need to choose your kid or husband. Your husband needs to go.
3 Likes
Your kids come first PERIOD!!! let him walk its his choice it shows he canât handle yall and he needs to go!!
1 Like
I think kids over husband, if he canât stick it out what kind of person is that. Thatâs sad, you just donât give up when it gets hard. Thatâs ridiculous, it tells a lot about his character. Do you want that in your life? Tell him your vows sickness and health⌠I think itâs sad he âcanât handle itâ bullâŚ
Your children come first. If anyone asks you to choose, then they are ones in the wrong
2 Likes
I work in a placement- sadly this can be normal- itâs a rough road I always remind parents there are multiple relationships there to be worked on.
Iâd seek family counseling that specialize in whatâs going on. And it may take reaching out to a few. Thereâs also some great parent support groups. Like parenting in space because knowing other families are going through it too can help. Always remember you are not alone
3 Likes
You are stupid if you have to question choosing your own child over a man 
From a child whoâs parentâs didnât choose her, chose you child. Please.
8 Likes
Lord. SimpleâŚyour child. Your child first always!! A real man wouldnât leave because it gets too hard with BOTH of your child. And he sure wouldnât make you feel like you had to pick.
5 Likes
My sister is a mentally ill person with many episodes through out her life and many lock ups through out her life next week she turns 20 and sheâs only gotten a little better âŚIâd never in a million years put someone before her because those who donât love my family do not love me âŚperiod âŚif he canât handle it he needs to go because sheâs your child and always locking her up doesnât do any good because it limits her from the real world âŚsheâs a human being just like anyone else she has bad days just like anyone else and if he canât go through the bad with u he shouldnât go through the good and when you get married it says for better and for worse âŚand right now things donât seem to good but like I said h
If he doesnât want to deal with it anymore thereâs the door he can leave when ever he wants but yu canât because thatâs your child and you guys are a package deal
8 Likes
I would find a better page on fb who understand more of what you are going through. A page with parents who are going through the same things with their children, choices. There are pages on here that can help you better understand your thinking and maybe help you find peace all around, new resources or new view points. Going to the masses wonât help you. Some of these people have no clue what you are going through, why you are asking this and so on. Narrow down your audience, ones that can relate.
7 Likes
Why would this even be a question?!?!? Kids first always
The child come first.not a man
This should not even be a question.
No offense, but the words âshould I choose my child or my husbandâ should never even cross your mind.
Shift your focus back to your daughter. What happens with your husband happens.
2 Likes
Ur child needs help if he canât understand that then thereâs the door 
3 Likes
Why is this a question? No wonder she is behaving this way. Try being a mother and let the big âman-childâ go pout somewhere else.
2 Likes
Choose your daughter every time. Whose to say that the child you have with him wonât have mental health issues too. You marry a person with kids, they are now your kids⌠problems and all
i was the child who was extremely difficult, struggled with mental health. if my mother gave up on me it would have ruined my life. idk why itâs even a question on who you choose. your kids come before anything. no man is more important than your children.
9 Likes
Let him go. Love is love. Iâve accepted a lot of shit i shouldnât of in the past but there will never be a day I ask for a âmanâ to stay over my child.
People get divorced quite often, but that doesnât stop you from being a mom. You should choose your child every time! It sounds like he also needs some individual counseling. I am sure this is all a difficult road to travel, but a husband is to he loving and supportive, not make you choose. You said heâs known you for 20yrs so he knew you had children when he married you and I assume the issues your daughter is struggling with didnât happen overnight. I would find a support group for parents of children similar to your situation as well as a therapist for yourself since you are in an extremely vulnerable position yourself.
1 Like
If he doesnât accept your other children then he doesnât get to deserve you.
1 Like
Ur children you felt them coming a man you see them coming
You always pick your kids. You donât let a man come between that. NEVER! You can get another man but you canât replace your daughter
1 Like
My mom always chose men & drugs of me & my siblings 
PLEASE GET AWAY FROM HIM & BE THERE FOR YOUR DAUGHTER! I shouldnât be a hard choice especially being he said he wants to walk away from your relationship bc parenting is hard! YOU DESERVE BETTER & SO DOES THOSE KIDS!
1 Like
Your husband is a grown adult. Your child is not and needs you no matter how difficult that is. He knows what heâs in for and canât commit then let him go.
1 Like
Choose your daughter no man can replace a mother or child. Sorry to tell you this but he doesnât love you guys when you love someone you stick around in the good times and bad times he just showed you he wonât be able to fulfill those vows why would you even think he could be a good husband
Youâre an idiot for even asking this. 
4 Likes
My mom chose her bf. If you donât choose your daughter, youâll regret it.
1 Like
Placement ???
youâre literally my mom to a T, and I can tell you I hate her for it at 30 years old today. My mom put me in âplacementâ over my stepdad multiple times.
She selfishly always put herself first and really didnât take the time to see what was wrong. Be on your childâs side please, trust me she will remember how you handled this.
1 Like
No offense here but your children always come first. As for your husband? If he canât handle being around a CHILD, regardless of what she may be facing, a human life that YOU brought into this world, then he needs to go. That baby did not ask to be here. YOU brought her in this world. Throw that âmanâstraight in the garbage.
5 Likes
What a piece of shitâŚâŚ.
Your children should always come first!!! If your husband doesnât like that then he can leave
3 Likes
Only one of the two in your choices is a capable adult. You need to pick your child. You are all she has fighting for her. Youâll cause her abandonment issues if you leave her for a guy.
1 Like
Please choose your daughter. If you choose your husband over her it will make her life much worse. My dad chose his wife over me when I was 15 and 10 years later I still do not and will not forgive him.
1 Like
That shouldnât be a question. Your child comes first before any man!
3 Likes
Always always your daughter. That shouldnât even be a question. But I am so sorry you are going through this and feel like he is making you chose. If he isnât there for you through this then he doesnât need to be there. Not everyone can handle these types of situations, but that doesnât make him a bad person either.
Any parent that chooses a spouse over their own child is trash.
For you to even ask this question is heart breaking your child needs you more than anything right now.
3 Likes
You canât blame him because HE canât handle your child. Is it fair to either of you? No. But in the end you canât hold it against him. This isnât what he signed up for or thought married life would be like.
2 Likes
That isnât a choice your children never asked to be born! Dump the husband heâs obviously not the one 
2 Likes