No mother should ever choose a man over their child - one way to look at this situation is put the child you have together in your daughter’s shoes and you in your husband’s shoes - where would he go if given a choice between you and his child with the issues - you and him are the adults in this situation not some raging hormonal teenagers - grow the heck up and take care of your children above all else - there is all kinds of partners out there in this world but there is only one daughter take care of her first and foremost above all else along with her siblings as well.
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You all need therapy… gauging from you’re post perhaps the tension contributes to her issue
How long you been putting him first? MOM UP
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Are you kidding me,you think you have to choose between them two.This is absolutely insane
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No wonder your daughter has problems with y’all. Y’all discussed placing her? Wtf. Don’t give up on your child & kick his ass to the curb. He should consider her as his daughter & want to help her! You should’ve never married this dude. I think you should’ve called off that wedding
Our kids come first at this age she is begging for your attention she comes first. I have 4 girls and i would choose them over anybody any day. Prioritize whats important
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You are stronger together than split apart. That’s what family is. We have been through the “fire” with 3 children each had problems…one was taken from our home…get into some good family counciling…and you pray and cry alot…your children learn from watching how you handle things…life is very tough at times, but they will pass.
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If he cannot handle your daughter, I wouldn’t marry him! Not everyone can handle certain situations and with that being said, I would always choose my kids! I understand more than you know about having a troubled child/teen, so I get it! You can privately message me and I can tell you what I am going through with my kid. My husband is supportive, thankfully, and he is not the biological dad! I know it’s hard on families, it’s really hard on us mommas! If he doesn’t want to marry you because of this, let him walk away! Good luck to you and your kids! 
It should never be a choice. And if anyone gives u that choice when times are tough, then really they made the choice themselves when they made u feel like u have choose or said u had too.
Always choose your children! The right man will stay & endure the hard times with you!
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Why is this even a question? YOU should be your child’s safe place, NO MATTER WHAT. First thing you need to do is make sure your daughter knows you are there for her, NO MATTER WHAT!!! I feel so bad for your daughter, she has to know how he feels and that you are seriously thinking about choosing him over her. I’m sorry that your husband isn’t a grownup who can deal with things. What if the child your carrying ends up dealing with the same things, is he going to walk away? If yes, then he’s not worth your time. If no, then he doesn’t think of your child as his, and he’s not worth your time. My almost 23 year old daughter is mentally ill and has been hospitalized numerous times. She is in therapy and on medication. My boyfriend is the most supportive partner I could ever ask for. We own a home, numerous cars, live like a married couple, have 4 kids at home - his and mine (12, 13, 14, 15) basically everything is rolled together. If he weren’t supportive, BYE BYE. I don’t care what I would be giving up, my kids come first.
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I’ve been the daughter in this situation. I spent 6 months between inpatient and outpatient living at home doing therapy for myself and entire family. It was quite draining. I ended up having to move out at 16 and into my grandparents house. I didn’t talk to my 3 siblings or my mom for 5 years after that. Our relationship is still strained to this day. Please don’t choose your spouse over your daughter
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You should never have to choose but if thats the situation… it’s your daughter 100%. It’s your responsibility as the mother to love your child and seek whatever services and extra care she may need.
You better choose your children.
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Daughter every-time. For better or worse. If he’s at worse and give ultimatum he’s not holding his end of the deal. If she is recommended for out patient for her safety and/or your families then that’s different. But family members aren’t disposable. Needs of the children always come first
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Daughter. She needs you. If he wants to go let him.
Sounds like he was never really ready to get married and now kid two is coming with the other kids on top of it he is running from the pressure and using your child as an excuse because he is ashamed that he can’t or isn’t ready for the responsibility he has to do
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Once you agreed to have your child, you agree to help them and pick them over everything/everyone till you die.
My mom signed over parental rights of my younger sibling due to instabilities and to this day i believe my poor excuse of a birth giver will love roaming hell by herself.
I will always put my daughter and my soon to be little boy first. Till my lungs collapse. Do NOT chose a man over your child.
Your daughter needs you, and if he can’t handle being there for you and the family let him walk.
Life is not an easy road to walk…… but For someone to be willing to walk away from his family is sad, but not your or your daughters fault
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I’m betting he is overwhelmed. Most men want to fix things for us. A child with mental health is extremely overwhelming for anyone. I wonder if you sat down and had a clear conversation and clearly defined what your expectations are of him. Who he will be, will he be dad? Disciplinarian? Support? If he knows what to expect maybe that will help him cope with those feelings.
I have a kiddo with mental health too. Stay strong for yourself. Take good care of you first.
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I honestly don’t know why this is even a question in your mind….
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Kids first. Period.
A good spouse wouldn’t put you in this position to begin with. Step parent or not, when you get with someone with kids it is a package deal.
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Really you’re questioning about either you daughter or a man seriously?!? You’re kidding right?!? Who would pick a man over their children… that’s pathetic
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Show him the door, you need a man not a little boy. If he ain’t strong enough to step up then he is not worthy of you. I have 2 special needs kids, remarried and y husband is more of a father to them then their sperm donors.
Is this a serious question? There would be no choice for me. My kids come first NO MATTER WHAT!!! You shouldn’t want to be with someone that can’t handle your kids.
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Then you choose your daughter. Point blank.
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He’s either all in or he’s not. Kids come first every time.
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Uh that’s easy your damn child. Fuck the man. What’s he gonna do for you except make you and your daughter feel inadequate in life. Hell no I can’t believe you are asking that question.
This shouldn’t even be a question!! Choose your daughter obviously!
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So choose your daughter and if you even think about choosing your husband than please give your daughter to.someone who gives more of a shit about her.
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Your husband isn’t actually an option. Anyone willing to give up on your daughter isn’t an option. Giving up on your daughter isn’t an option. If the husband can’t handle it, don’t force him.
It’s not a choice, he comes second to her.
The fact that you have to even ask is frustrating in and of itself. If you turn your back on your own kid for a selfish/childish man, I can guarantee she will never see or respect you as a mother again. I have been in your daughters place and my mother chose the man every time, and I have absolutely no respect for her since that day. Please don’t give up on your child, she needs you more than she is letting on. Keep working with her, keep trying to build a bond with her, do what ever you can for her, but please don’t ever choose a selfish man over your own daughter.
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That’s a low blow! 
Pisses me off that anyone would ever think it’s okay to make a parent choose between them or their children 
hope you as her mother choose her! Smh at the SO
Choose him and she will never forgive you. I work with youth with mental health and substance abuse in a residential setting. You will not understand the damage you will do to her if you do choose him over her. Unless, she is physically hurting your other children there’s no excuse to give up on your daughter.
You really debating Dick over your daughter? Geez ! You are messed up
My kids will ALWAYS come first .
If he’s willing to throw in the towel when things are rough, let him go. You don’t need that negativity in your life. My Kids ALWAYS come first.
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Just think if he is willing to do this with your elder daughter- what happens if one of the children you have together faces similar issues- would be abandon his biological children. This is a character flaw of his- he needs to reassess what being a parent is- it is a lifelong commitment.
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She needs you he doesn’t he is replaceable she isn’t
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The fact that you already considered placing this child to try to “fix” the problem already tells me where you’re heads at. So why even bother asking the question. Lol. Choose a defenseless child that need you…or a grown man that doesn’t like you anymore and is using your daughter as an excuse. Open your eyes 
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I hope you don’t make your child feel so unwanted and like such a burden. Believe me when I say, kids can tell when their parents choose spouses over them.
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Choose him, and you lose your whole family. The fact that this is a question disgusts me. Grow up and take care of yalls kids. Your daughter OBVIOUSLY NEEDS YOUR HELP!!! WTF
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My fiance does this with me and like I told I choose my kids over my relationship my son who is ten has dmdd has had many hospital trips and everything else I’ve chosen my babies over him and told him flat sorry but my kids are my life you don’t have to be in it
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My mother chose her flavor of the week over me multiple times and I never forgave her. Once she showed me that I was less important to her than a man I never spoke to her again. Remember that when you decide to throw her to the side for someone who won’t stick through thick and thin. The fact you mentioned placement not being an option shows you would put your daughter last. She is probably acting out because she KNOWS you won’t pick her. No man should EVER come before your child. A real mother would never give up their child
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Are you really asking a Facebook page if you should choose your husband of a whole 6 months or your DAUGHTER?
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Shouldn’t be a choice.your daughter comes first.
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It would never even be an option for me. People who can legit wonder if they should choose their child or spouse just really boggle my mind. How can you even consider throwing out YOUR CHILD for a man? Especially a man who is so willing to give up …. Your daughter needs you. How can you consider giving up on her when she is clearly not ok?
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Well when you married it was for better or worse. He legally signed a contract saying he was committed to you and your children. If he can’t deal then I’d be saying goodbye! How could you even think to choose any man over your children first? I don’t care how long you’ve know him or what children you share… im disgusted of this question.
Let him go. The last thing you need is some weak man putting more stress on you right now. You’ll all be better off without him.
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Have you guys tried family therapy? He does need to feel that his feelings are valid, while trying to figure out coping mechanisms. I’ve been on his side of things with my stepson, but he was making up lies about ME to CPS/police repeatedly for his mother. Your husband needs to understand how this will affect his other kids as well. You need a lot of help and outside resources with this. I do feel unless she’s targeting him, he’s going a little extreme. My husband understood that for the welfare of our other child and myself, leaving might have been an option, but I couldn’t. Things did get better for us but it took a lot of time and many days of me feeling hopeless. Your daughter needs you right now to get through this though.
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Sorry for what ur going through. he married u for better or worse and this means even the kids if he can’t be there for this and get through it then he isn’t for you.
Kick his sorry ass to the curve for even suggesting yall send her away. Send him away. He could be the reason she is struggling to begin with. You ALWAYS choose your child first. NO MAN IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR CHILDREN
If he can’t handle the stress of of parenting then as Elsa said, “Let it go” a real man will stress, cry, vent but in the end will say “but i won’t give up”
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Always choose her mental health.
Either give up all those babies and keep him or he can get to packin his shit.
Choose your daughter 100%. A man who isn’t willing to go through 100% of life struggles with you, and your kids, isn’t a man worth keeping.
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Your daughter obviously needs you more. If he can’t handle some tough times he’s not the one 
There shouldn’t be a choice at all. If he wants out, say goodbye and keep being there for the kids.
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Wow… no matter what kids come first.
Kids always come first. Marriage is for better or worse. If he can’t handle you at the worst he sure as hell don’t deserve the good times
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I understand he is at his wits end but are you really considering backing out on your kid do to a mental illness. She’s 14. He’s grown just stop. She needs you. The fact this is even a question
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That shouldn’t even be a question. Your kids come before any man, married or not.
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You choose your child first everytime…
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Please, if he decides to leave, please, please, PLEASE don’t let him or anyone else make her feel it’s her fault!
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Your daughter! Point. Blank. Period.
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Obviously your daughter, sounds like you are busy trying to please him & your current marriage and children from that marriage versus truly getting close with your daughter and seeing what really is affecting her and putting her in crisis. Have you talked with her, she’s 14 that age is super tough on kids especially girls, have you thought that maybe your actions may be impacting her such as you remarrying & having more children with your new husband of 6 months… Did he not know you came with a package deal, sorry to break it to you like that, but your children ALWAYS come first! If you think otherwise then your priorities are messed up….
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T.f. your daughter. If he loves you and your kids he’d stick it out through the tough times and hold you up through it.
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For better or worse!! He’s supposed to help u through this. He knew all of this before you married. She’s just a convenient scapegoat. So sorry youre having to go through this. Could there be someone else?
I was a sibling to one of those kids. She made EVERYONE’S life a living fking hell growing up and into adulthood. I resent my parents for it. They chose to help her over the wellbeing of us other kids. Please think about them instead of your eldest and your husband. A shit predicament to be in, I know and you are a strong ass lady for it! Looks like your husband already made his choice. Sometimes we just have to put our own mental health well being above others.
YOUR CHILD! Clear it’s her who needs u!
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Agree she is a teenager who’s clearly struggling. Always choose your children. Always. He doesnt sound like a good guy honestly. Who would give such an ultimatum
Choose your child…… the fact that you’re even asking strangers about this shows you have no loyalty to your blood
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Your daughter needs you more than him. Blood always comes 1st so bye bye to him x
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What kind of question is that?! I don’t know anyone in their right mind to choose a man over their own child. You should have more love for your child than any man. That child needs more attention than him right now. You can’t fix your child but they need you there to your fullest potential. If he can’t handle it then he doesn’t deserve you or your kids.
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I can’t believe is even a legit question!! Just wow…I feel bad for that poor girl who very clearly needs her mother
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How is this even a question
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He sounds like a shit husband 
for better OR WORSE. help him pack his shit and bye bye. Your kids come first, always. My kids come before even myself, let alone a “man”. He sounds like he’s just using her as a scapegoat.
I can’t believe this is even a question.
You and your daughter should come as a package and if can’t deal with that he shouldn’t have married someone with kids.
Kids come first.
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Your children should always come first!
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No question your child is number one
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Always choose your children
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Keep doing your best. If he can’t see your best effort is being put forward and isn’t willing to push forward.
Then he needs to do what is best for all of you. He can leave. He can go. But he shouldn’t be allowed back when things ease up.
You do best by your daughter and our kids are always put #1
Tell him kick rocks! Don’t let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya!
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This shouldn’t even be a question… choose your daughter!
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The idea that you question what to him or your child is sad. He is an adult, an adult that promised to love you for better or for worse. That being said, your daughter is having a hard time with life right now and the people she needs most are being selfish and not doing their jobs as parents to support her. If that’s a choice he can live with, so be it. But is it a choice you can live with? Is there really anyone or anything more important to you than your child and the well being of her mental health? And if you still question if he’s an option after that decision on his behalf, then im very sorry to say, but let the state take over so that she can find love and support from a family that would do anything (as a family) to help her. She deserves to be loved and helped and to made a priority. Kids aren’t always easy. What if the other children end up having a hard time? Would you allow them to be an option also? Cmon momma… there’s no way that you could birth a raise these children and then because things get hard they become second in your choices. I’m sorry for my bluntness, but its so sad to me that when kids get tough to raise people even consider someone else above them. I hope that your daughter never realizes this was a crisis in your life while she was busy being posed, prodded and picked apart by professionals. For her sake, and mental stability I hope she always assumes momma wouldve picked her first. And maybe he needs some personal therapy, because a good father would never do that either. I pray she never finds out that her parents even let the thought cross their minds that they were more important than helping her. Smh
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This should never even be a question.
She’s 14!!! If you even have to question that then I’m sorry but he would be out the door. No matter how long you have known him no matter how long yas have been together or married your kids should always come first no matter what. From my understanding she has personal issues involving her health so she needs you to be there and from my understanding marriage vowels are for better or for worse and that just doesn’t include you but together as a family, he’s a fully grown man crying because your daughter is difficult to handle well I’m sorry but he needs to man up and be a proper father figure and husband and not put that sort of pressure on you where your debating if you should choose. Children aren’t some toy you can just toss aside because they’re not functioning properly, you birthed that girl, don’t even let this be a thing. Let’s just say the child you have together becomes difficult will he feel the same about that one as he does yours? And I can’t imagine what your daughter must be thinking if she is even picking up on this vibe.
Your daughter should always always always come first, you can replace your husband but once you let your daughter go there’s no going back…
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I would ask him if he choses to stay or choses to go. Your daughter is in your life regardless. Thats not an option. The only choices are his. Hope that helps…
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Is this a serious question! Your daughter 100%!
Sounds like there is more going on and your daughter has become a scapegoat.
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Choose your daughter. If he doesn’t walk now, you can bet it’s coming.you don’t give up on someone you love for any reason
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Your daughter can’t help it. He can. She must come first.
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Kids should always come first I can’t believe that you would pick a man over your kids if he can’t deal with your kids then he needs to go
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Always choose your children. No matter what. Doesn’t matter how long you’ve known this man or what your relationship status is. Always choose your child. Now for him, he can’t be blamed either. It’s hard to be a step parent. Especially when the children have “issues”. If he can’t handle it, let him walk. But do not say I’ll give up my child if you stay. That shows who you are and has nothing to do with your daughter or husband.
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Let his ass go! Your daughter should come first!
If he’s gonna leave because of that then why would you even want him. She’s obviously got Trauma from something and if she even knew you were asking this question would probably hurt what is already hurt inside her even more. She’s is still very young and needs the help now before it’s follows her to adulthood and there can be no fixing or helping….
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Leave. Choose your daughters health.
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Your husband is a grown man who made a choice to bow his life to you when he knew all this…
It’s not you choosing between them, it’s his choice to honor his vows and be your partner thru this difficult time YOU’RE going thru too or not.
Keep on keeping on, momma. It sucks, but you’re doing all you can
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Your child comes first, always… he can’t handle being a parent? Why would you even want to be with him?
Your daughter is having a hard time right now, and I promise she knows your boyfriend doesn’t want her, and that will make her feelings 10xs worse! And if she found out you chose him over her? You will ruin her.
You need to leave that sorry excuse of a man and take care of your daughter.
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Your kids always come first!! My husband and I went thru something similar but it was drugs. We’ve been together for 21 years and we each have a child from previous relationships and 1 together. My son has ran us thru the ringer (for 7 years) and we’ve been at opposite ends because I WILL NEVER ABANDON MY KIDS! Addiction is a disease and if he wasn’t willing to help me navigate thru this in order for our son to survive, he knew where the door was. My husband was tired. I was exhausted. Our other kids were put on the back burner. In the end, my husband took on my son when he married me(he was 4 years old when we married) so if he walks out on our son, he’s also walking out on our other 2 kids. Today, our son is in rehab getting healthy for himself and his 10 month old son who unfortunately lost his mother from the same disease @ 5 months old and we are now raising our grandson. My husband and I have built a stronger bond. Our other kids are excited to have their older brother back. Bottom line, if your hubby WON’T step up, then he needs to step down and just be a financial provider to his kids. A mama never gives up on her kids!! EVER!!
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