He should have paid you instead of spending frivolously. He sounds irresponsible and will continue to be unless he has to face the consequences of his actions. I would not forgive it, he should have been making payments to you. I’m sure that money would help your retirement or ability to possibly finish your education or go on trips like he did. Your adult son should mind his business, he’s likely going to continue to act out the way he is if you continue to pay his way and allow him and his father to attempt to manipulate you. Good luck.
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This is your problem not your sons sort it out however you can
Make your ex pay show your son that it’s not about giving someone a break it’s the principal.
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14 years of marriage entities you to half of his social security. Stand your ground, if your son doesn’t like it too bad he will eventually get it. You are right to want what he owes. If he ends up jobless again, not your fault you tried to work with him. He can get another job where he can pay you what he owes you.
Don’t ever buckle for the children that don’t understand. He’ll grow up and realize what his father did to himself.
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Stand ur ground girl. Do NOT let this go!! Ur son someday hopefully will understand. Maybe u need to sit down with him and explain to him everything that’s happened and ur side of the story. And if u have any proof(letters,bills anything) that u can show him so he can hear and literally see that ur telling the truth then do it. Stand ur ground and tell him ur side. Standing ur ground for something u have EVERY right to, shouldn’t mean losing or giving up ur son too. U CAN do both.
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get a good lawyer! It’s not about the money, it’s the principal and doing what is right. Your ex-husband reneged on his agreement with you. He needs to be held accountable. Good luck!
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Don’t let it go stand your ground!!!
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Stop spoiling your son let him work there are a lot of college students who work and go to see he can get a part time time you need to stop babying him and spoiling him especially if he is against you if I were you I’ll stop sending him money only send him for food and that’s that everything else let his dad do it since he wants to be in his side give that kid tough love and you should tell him everything how you work so hard etc eventually he will see who’s who and what’s what until then live your best life you have too other kids!!! And stand your ground make sure he pays you what he owes you!!!
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You owe your ex nothing. Stand strong, at some point your son will understand that he’s been told things about your relationship between your ex an yourself that he should have never been told. its none of the child’s concern. your ex is a manchild
This is where pragmatism comes in. 1) You are not going to get paid. You cannot get blood from a stone. 2) Rightly or wrongly, your relationship with your son is in jeopardy over this “principle” that is not likely to get you money anyway. 3) You chose to leave this past marriage, and this seems to be a lagging point of negative conflict with your ex that you are not getting anything from. 4) By your admission, his parents funded your education, and there is at least a moral argument that he would be owed some support from your income. I suspect your joint business earnings at the time made that unnecessary. But it is still some ethical obligation that you can use to justify giving him a reduction.
- My suggestion would be to try to settle the debt. Perhaps his parents that find you so greedy will help him out. Business owners settle debts in collections for 8 cents on the dollar all the time, so they do not have to deal with this aggravation. Here, this conflict is costing you way more than time. It is costing you happiness and a relationship with your son. What good is money if it costs you the whole world?
This option removes the conflict from your life and has the added benefit of you actually getting some money you probably won’t get otherwise.
As an attorney, I know that one of the most difficult things to get clients who are dug in on issues to realize that settlement (even “unfair” settlement) is in their best interests. Many spend tons of money fighting, before ultimately agreeing. And almost always, people admit they are happier in the end to be over with it.
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Don’t let it go. He owes you that money. Your son will understand or he won’t, but I’d be telling him real quick it’s not his business. Also, might want to stop paying all of his bills so he can grow up, otherwise he won’t ever see the real side of things.
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Why does he not live with his father so he can carry the bill? And hell no. Don’t give him a pass. Real talk, it won’t change the relationship you have with your son.
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Umm I believe she said HER parents helped them not His
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Stand your ground. Your adult child needs to get over it or not, his choice. If the tables were turned would your ex forgive the debt? Doubtful…
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just my opinion 1st since ur sons other family is more important than his other family should pay all his collage not u n ur husband or he should be the man he suppose to be n pay it himself 2 nd stand ur ground hun dont let them keep walking all over you i know u love ur son wut mother dont but he is just as bad as his dad n using u n walking all over you u have ur other children to consider n urself
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Stand your ground. The judge followed the law. Maybe he should be better with money??
As for your son, you need a sitdown. Explain that you have court records ordering him, by a judge, to pay this debt based on the law. The judge has to discharge the debt, not you. And
other than tuition, things for school, stop paying. Why are you paying for his life? He can work. At minimum he can pay for half his phone and insurance. If he can’t, guess he can get dad to pay. 
He’ll learn real quick who the problem is.
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He will come around one day , stick to it
No you get what is yours not your fault he let it all go down the drain . Tell your spoiled brat kid if he don’t like it then let his “GREAT FATHER “ pay all his bills then or get a job since your so selfish
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Tell his a## to go love with his dad. Don’t let it go he still owes you that money
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Don’t give him a pass!! That is substantial and your kids shouldn’t see this happen and think it isn’t ok to take care of your responsibilities in life.
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Stand your ground. You helped build that business and forgiving a debt that he irresponsibly ignored is not your problem. “Forgiving” that debt also teaches your son that he could get away with the same behavior when he grows up and gets married. Right now he’s young and impressionable, but he’ll learn eventually that you had every right to the fruits of YOUR labor just as much as his father did.
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I wouldn’t write it off. You gave up a good chunk of your life to this man and you deserve something to show for it.
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Justin Lawrence as a child born into a situation similar to this. From what it sounds like that resentment is buried deep in her son already. Even if she forgave the entire debt, gave her ex a million dollars and apologized to everyone involved with hand made cards her relationship with her adult son is never going to be fixed. Those types of breaks in a relationship are so hard to mend. I wish her all the best.
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Stand your ground. The work you put into that business was towards your own retirement. He needs to man up and live up to his obligations. Just let your son know you love him and your door is always open.
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Stand your ground! My ex is slowly paying off 55,000 in child support debt to me because social security has garnishes his checks. My children are in their 30’s.
Please don’t let it go, you lost enough already! The relationship with your son would not be fixed either way,he has to come to terms with his own personal feelings, and could probably benefit from therapy.
If you did write it off would he learn anything from it ? I say follow your gut
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STAND YOUR GROUND Mama
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Your son loves you, your son is just a spoiled brat, what the hell mom???
He is in college and you pay for everything, no make his ass get a job and pay for “HALF” his rent … or just pay his rent why are you paying for phone and he doesn’t even call you?? Nope that wouldn’t happen. My oldest son went to college I paid his tuition and half his rent he got a job at Dominos Pizza that allowed to pay his other half and some of his food because when he came home he went shopping in my cabinets.
As far as the ex-husband, now he owes you what he owes you. and everyone can keep their opinions to themselves especially his mom.
Just let it go and you will be much happier!
Stand your ground!!
Do NOT let this man screw you again No way!!!
Your son is a adult now and will understand when he has a family of his own ect he will regret the time he wasted ignoring you for no good reason you do you mama .
Maybe dad can pay for his privileges also Instead of you and your husband. The fact is the debt has nothing to do with your oldest son it is between yourself court and ex husband . Son needs to be let known it’s not his concern.
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Stand your ground. Go after your husband for everything he owes, plus interest and lawer fees. Cut Off your son, let him find a job and earn his way in life. Don’t pay for his toxicity
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Your oldest son needs a job to pay some of his own ‘expenses’. He feels the need to disrespect you when you are supporting him 100%?? Sounds like he lacks appreciation of fairness and money. Smh. Not in his best interest to be so spoiled. Do not let your ex out of his obligations!
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He should pay you! If nobody understands that’s their problem. He should have handled his money better. If your grown son doesn’t like it, he can pay his own bills and debt. You aren’t doing him any favors by paying it for him. He should be a responsible adult.
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Stick to your guns! Make that deadbeat dad pay up. Your son will resent it either way. He will regret it later on and maybe reconcile with you. Make that deadbeat day pay you every cent!!!
You’re right, it won’t fix your relationship with your son. Don’t let him off the hook. He owes it to you.
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The well is poisoned already so dont assume your son will take care of you when your old so take care of yourself and hold the ex to the agreement, he ran the business down and pissed away money so dont feel guilty, your son will come around eventually or he wont
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Stand your ground make the ex pay what he should pay. And if your son wants to be a butthead about it stop paying everything for him and tell him to ask his father. It’s actually that simple. If you continue to give in to both of them or either of them they will continue to treat you the way they are. Until your son wants to open his eyes and see the whole story instead of just one side he’s going to continue to treat you like s***. You just have to decide if you want to teach your son a lesson or if you want to bow down to him.
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Stay the course thats your money!! If anyone is so concerned tell them to help pay it!
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Sounds like daddy’s coaching him to me.
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Do not let him off the hook.
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What goes around comes around!! He will need you one day.
Your son is being a snot tbh and so is your ex. Also keep in mind that your son is taking the dads side because, like you said, he sees his father’s side more than he can see yours. DON’T GIVE IN. YOU ARE DOING IT RIGHT.
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Stand your ground and sorry to say but cut your son off as well, he acts like this towards you yet you are the one who is making him live, BIG NO for me. Let him see what real life is
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Stand your ground. Do not forgive that debt. He could have paid you before. He chose to blow it on other things. He needs to be responsible for what he owes you
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Your son needs to grow up and the ex needs to move on…or sue his sorry behind…
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Nope don’t let it go
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I did everything for my 7 kids that I could and then they put me in an assisted living facility and now they have abandoned me because I won’t hand over a chunk of money that their Dad and I worked for over 50 years to have for our retirement. Gotta take care of yourself.
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My daughter and her husband split up, he poisoned their 2 daughter’s minds against her, and ended up with the house and his daughters, 8 years on and the girls realise now that they are older that the things he was saying/doing were all lies, 2 years after the split they were evicted from the house because he was not paying the mortgage and non of the utility bills, because they never got divorced and daughters name still on mortgage and utility bills when he made himself bankrupt she was made to take over all the debt he had accumulated, she is still paying his debt off.
Go for the jugular vein. The Mother in Law needs to stay out of it. Your son needs to stay out of it. Your Ex needs to man up and pay. The Mother in Law will keep powdering their butts for them, they will be alright.
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Stand your ground.
Your spoiled son needs to have a wakeup call +put himself in check+GROW up!
Stop paying for anything further for him.
As for your noisy busy body EX Mother in law,I’d put her in her place to…quick, fast+in a hurry!!
Sue the EX old man too!!
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Stand your ground. His lack of being responsible is his problem. I would not forgive the debt in the name of him talking crap to your son and the fact that he feels he can just excuse his way out of what he benefited from for years. Shame on his mother for feeling like she was “Christian” to judge a situation she got a watered down version from her son on. Please stand your ground!
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You stand your ground. If your son is old enough to even have an opinion in this, then he’s old enough to supply his own needs…OR let his “awesome dad” take care of him for awhile! 
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Get your money. The son seems to have chosen dads side already so like you said it probably won’t make a difference anyway. Maybe explain the situation about having something to fall back on and how everything in the business went to him etc. One day he will understand but until then stand your ground. The ex is trying to use your son to guilt trip you into letting it go smh.
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Why should you give up on what is yours and enable him to mess up again. He’s a big boy let him figure it out. Look out for yourself he sure isn’t. Good luck
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Buy his honesty, tell the ex that ya you will forgive the debt if he tells your son the complete honest truth abt all that transpired and to put in in a honest light .
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Stand your ground and stop paying for son. Have the dad do it
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Quit being obsessed on your ex and the money he once owed you and move on with your life
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Stand your ground. This is not on you.
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Stand your ground ! Your son has already chosen! Your son won’t love you because you let his dad off the hook! He doesn’t love you now and money won’t change his mind .
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Don’t let anyone tell you that you should let it go! Make him pay every last penny your owed! Your son will figure it out at some point!
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Go after him for the money. He is a scumbag if he didn’t pay you.
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Just stop paying for everything for your son. Tell him his dad can pay his bills for him since you aren’t good enough for him to talk to. And absolutely do not let the ex off for the money he owes you. The only one in that situation that’s greedy is your ex!
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Why would your son be the sole decision maker? Sounds like he is a small part if the equation!
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Stand your ground. You deserve it. He made the bad choices by not paying it when he had the money, which isn’t your problem. Your son will understand or he won’t. You can’t force that, but hopefully he comes around.
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Stand your ground girl not to mention if it weren’t for you and your family he wouldn’t have a pot to piss in 
point blank period
He deserves consequences for his actions. Period. Your adult son will grow wiser over the years and learn it’s a valuable lesson. It’s not about the money at this, it’s about the principle. Your extra-husband will scam his way out more issues in the future and set an even worse precedent for your children. “Look what I can get away with”. No. You got this mama. Good luck
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Well you really just need to let it go! You could’ve worked went 2 school every ever you wanted to do. You can’t blame him for not having ne thing to call back on that’s all you!
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How very convenient for your ex. He got everything he wanted. Now your son is getting whatever he wants. Neither one seems to care that you are footing the bill. The court granted certain things to you so by all means take them.
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You can’t change your son. It’s his choice.You paid for husband and now his son everything
Also add at your expense, you paid for dad’s education and success
For now go ahead for the money and use it to go to school. You still have two sons and a future
Don’t owe son an answer especially his family. Should been doing this sooner. I son pushes it list his schooling, car housing and other major inputs. Then dad’s contribution and debt. of child support No words. Just figures. But suspect backlash
Tell him m you are happy for his relationship with his father
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Stand your ground! Your son will figure it out, if not…accept the fact he is a grown nan and has his own life. But if your marriage fails…your left with nothing. Your ex got iff cheap! You did not tell him to remarry and have all these kuds. Nit your fault ir problem! Look after your own future. No one else might be there for you, 20 yrs from now.
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He’s a a$$ involving your son and your son is old enough that he should know not to get involved. Does your son think it was okay god her father to enjoy himself on all these vacations while you were busting your a$$? You didn’t tell this man to go have another kid and marry someone with kids already. His father is in the situation he is because he’s careless and probably thought he was hurting you
Don’t let it go. He had a responsibility and made bad choices. Your son obviously has a lot of maturing to do and needs to understand that when you have an obligation to fulfill you do it regardless of whether you think it’s fare or not. Your ex should have bought you out and now it’s his fault he still owes you. As a dad he should be paying child support anyway
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Stand your ground!!! It’s your money and you deserve it. Dad made is decision when he decided not to pay you and these are the consequences as far as your son since he wants to take his dad side so much and refuses to talk to bc if it stop paying his tuition and bills and tell him let his dad do it since he wants nothing to do with you. It’s your money and you can use it to start your own business or go back to school. You’ve supported both of them in their education it’s time you support yourself so don’t give in
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I would tell your son that you love him, but you won’t continue paying for his lifestyle if he wants to ignore you or treat you badly… Sounds like he is ungrateful and needs a bit of tough love - If he agrees with everything his Dad says, I’m sure Daddy will back him up on the bills right??
As for your Ex - No. He doesn’t get a break just because things aren’t looking up for him…
Also, letting his Dad ‘off the hook’ won’t fix your relationship with your son…He is too immature to see your side of things right now, and would likely continue to have the same attitude towards you because his Dad has manipulated him into believing you are the bad guy….But don’t worry, one day he will be back when he realizes that his Dad does not provide and care for him the same way you did…
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Nope. Stand your ground
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NO NO NO DO NOT LET HIM WEASEL OUT OF THIS DEBT TO YOU. He made the debt he needs to pay you not only for the business but back child support as well. He has brainwashed your son into thinking it’s okay to not pay you and this will make your son think it’s okay for him to do it also. Stand your ground and make ex pay you back to show your son nothing is free and bad decisions come at a cost.
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Where was your sons loyalty to you when your ex stuffed you and refused to support his kids and fulfill obligations?
Also…think you do way to much for your son. May be time he grow up.
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First off, your son is a “adult” so why are you paying for “everything”? I can see helping because he is in college but how about helping him to grow up and at least contribute to his own living expenses so maybe he can at least get a taste of what it takes to survive. If your son treats you like that he has no respect so letting his dad mess you over again isn’t going to make him love or respect you any more. Obviously he has deeper feelings for his Dad….so since that’s the case, and since you’ll probably never see what your ex owes you anyway, agree to make a legal written contact between your adult son, your ex and yourself that your ex will solely take over the financial burden and responsibilities for all of your adult son’s expenses that you are currently paying for, itemizing them, so you will not have to keep supporting a grown man for who knows how long…then once everyone agrees and all of you have signed and notarized the document, agree to dismiss what the ex owes you. Let’s see how your ex reacts to that offer or if he declines the offer. Let’s see how your son reacts to his dad refusing to support him if he declines. Since your son is a adult and insists on passing judgment on you rather than understanding and realizing his dad has never done anything for him and it’s always been you, a good touch of reality is needed here. There is a choice for them this way and you’re not the only bad guy. Don’t be a fool again…and your new guy surely shouldn’t be made a fool of 
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Definitely stand your ground. Show your son how a man should be, take care of his responsibilities. And show him how a woman should be treated, with respect. He’ll realize how hard things are if he works for it if you cut him off. Stay strong
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Whatever you do DON’T FORGET THE DEBT. Maybe you need to cut your son off, make your ex pay for all his living expenses, and his college. As for your ex mother in law tell her to get lost it is none of her business, it is between you and your ex. I know several people who are going through this crap: dad or mom don’t want to pay support
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Stand your ground that’s bullshit and its none of your sons business even if he thinks he’s entitled to anything
Stand your ground. Your parents helped you out so he could get his degree. Sounds like he should be repaying them too. If your son is adult enough to be in college, he should at the very least be helping to support himself. I think I would explain to him that what’s going on is between you and his dad & when you’re in need of his opinion, you’ll ask him. If you let this go, I feel you will be teaching your son that it’s OK to walk away from your responsibilities. It may take him a while, but as hard as it will be, I think it will be worth it. Good luck & God bless
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Your son believes his dad no matter what you do so forgiving the debt won’t make your son see you in any better light than he does now. Don’t forgive the debt. I promise you’ll never forgive yourself if you do. Pray for guidance for your son and that he open his eyes but don’t forgive the Damn debt.
I’m not sure what I would do about the debt thing honestly. I mean, it’s unfair for you to get nothing for something you worked equally as hard for but you need to decide weather it’s worth it for you or not in the long run. Maybe there’s another way to work something out so it doesn’t count against him? Child support he needs to pay, catch up on, whatever regardless, as far as I’m concerned that’s a no question issue.
My biggest question is why are you completely financially supporting an adult son who does everything to not support you and doesn’t appreciate it? Sounds like it’s time he wake up to the real world.
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Stand your ground and honestly, I would tell your son I am not paying for your life anymore, your dad can foot the bills for you, I have done enough
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Unbelievable that you are the bad one when you’ve sacrificed so much and lost so much while he squandered your money in horses and women! 
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True definition of A DEADBEAT DAD
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Stand your ground. You deserve what you’re owed. Stay strong, stay positive.
First of all , stop paying your sons way he is ungrateful! He is a grown man he can fend for himself!!
Secondly , stand your ground and make the ex pay you back what he owes you !
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How old is your son? If your ex had it in.him to squander your share and not want to pay up even in.installments, stand your ground. Thats your pension. You were a housewife but ran a successful business, he was supposed to buy out your share, he did not. Now he wants to eat his cake and have it? Nope, can’t work.
I’ll advise you to pursue your entitlements, maybe get him agree in court to pay in fixed amounts per month. If your son continues to sulk about his father being “harassed” over a legitimate debt he owes he needs to grow up. Your present husband is a good man, he loves you and takes care of boy that is not his son. Did your son ever show gratitude for that? He has a false sense of entitlement. Maybe you should pay half his upkeep & bills and tell him to go get the other part from his deadbeat dad!!!
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Your son needs to stay away from you and your ex problems. Go get your money girl. Your son is already brainwashed.
Stand your ground! I pray you guys can work it out! My mom passed in 2017, a mother is irreplaceable 
