I’m torn on what to do. I was married for 14 years. The divorce was my choice/my fault or whatever you want to call it. The marriage was toxic from the start and we are both much better off now emotionally and mentally…. That being said, we married young, my parents helped us live so he could go to college and get a degree, which he did. We owned a very profitable business together. We have 3 kids together, 2 younger and 1 in college. In our divorce he was suppose to buy me out of the business for a large sum of money. That never happened. He made payments for about a year, and then nothing… including child support. He ended up spending frivolously, for extravagant trips, race horses, medical procedures for the girl friend. Etc…. And ended up losing the business and assets. He was then “jobless” for over a year. Now he has a job again, but has filed bankruptcy to get rid of the debt he owes me, because if he has any debt, he apparently can’t keep his job (security issues). The debt he owes me is too big to discharge in chapter 13, so now he has to move to chapter 11. He will still be able to discharge his credit card debt, and other debts, just not mine… here is the problem. Our oldest adult son has given me the cold shoulder over all of this. His dad has involved him in all of our business, since the beginning, and has made it very hard to have a relationship with my son. My husband and I pay for everything for my oldest son (tuition, rent, phone, bills, food, gas money literally everything) his dad pays for nothing. I work, and my husband works, and we do live comfortably. My son sees this and thinks that I just need to give his dad a pass. My ex mom in law says I’m greedy and that I need to just forgive the debt and move on because it is the Christian thing to do, and because I don’t “need” it and because it’s probably the only way to have a relationship with my son. My ex is married to a girl with 3 kids of her own and they have 1 together, he has a very good degree and makes a very good living. My son feels it’s unfair to his dads “new” family that I “hold this over his dads head” and feels like it is my fault that his dad might lose his job. The way I see it is that I gave up 14 years with this man. I supported him and was very involved in building what we had. All the checks written during that time were to him. Never me. All the taxes paid (think social security) and so forth were paid under his tax ID. I was never able to finish school, or have a job or career of my own, other then doing all the office work for our business and basically raising our kids as a single mom. Point being, I have nothing to “fall back on” at the age of 40 and some change. I did try to work with the ex on making a payment plan to help him keep the job. I just refuse to write off the entire amount, and he refuses to work with me. So do I stand my ground, and hope someday my son is mature enough to see that there are 2 sides to every story. Or do I just let it go, and let the ex screw me over 1 more time, for the sake of my son….which in all honestly, I don’t know would even make a difference since the ex poisoned his mind years ago. Its just getting old that every time any issue dealing with court or his dad comes up, he just stops talking to me. I’m hurting and heart broken over all this, because I love my son, even if he doesn’t love me. Any advise is appreciated.
I’d stand my ground. 
You do you !! If your adult son wants to be like that he’s just as toxic as his father is
I would 100% stand my ground on this.
He’ll get it later! Stand your ground!
He’s a boy n that’s his dad n who knows what all he’s heard at his dads house. Thats awful in itself to involve kids in adult situations or to even have conversations where they maybe able to hear. I hope u find peace n whatever decision u make. Ur son will come around. It may take time. Prayers for u mama❤
I would tell my son he needs to pay for his own college. Stand your ground
If u owed him money do u think he would let it go. Stick to ur guns. Don’t give in.
Don’t let him off the hook, he owes you, collect. You offered a payment plan, so his hard times are his own doing, NOT YOURS!!!
It’s not really fair to your current family if you let it go, like your son said it’s not fair to the dads new family. Sounds like your son has no sense of responsibility, and that he got that from his dad. I wouldn’t let it go. Tell your son that maybe when he’s older and more mature to realize there’s two sides, then you’ll sit him down and explain all this to him. In the meantime, maybe he needs to also be told that if you do let it go, you’ll be tightening the reigns a bit and he’ll have to start paying for all his own shit.
Stand your F*cking ground mama
Stand your ground. Your kids need you to be a role model and even if it’s his dad accountability and responsibility is something our kids need to see us do instead of getting a free pass.
Stand your ground!!! Guilt trips…
Stand your ground!! It’s not your fault that his dad didn’t pay you back when he should have and now it’s affecting him and his new family. It’s very unfair to you that your son wants you to just drop the debt when you didn’t have those kids alone, their dad should have been helping financially but didn’t. Now you and your husband pay for the eldest to go to college which takes money out of your household & their father doesn’t even help with that either. That’s your money, comfortable life or not. He can be a responsible man and figure that out & pay you back. Your son will understand later especially when he actually has to deal with the hassle of supporting himself. His dad put himself in the position he is in. Not you.
Sounds like a lose lose situation, so stick it up your ex and collect your money.
Or stop paying for everything for your eldest son and forget the debt.
Either way sounds like your son has chosen.
Why should your new husband pay for your child if his actual dad doesn’t pay?
Just a different point of you. Although he should have, he didn’t. Although he could have, he didn’t. You did. If this drains you mentally and emotionally and interferes with a relationship with your child (tainted already, salvageable or not) is money, because that’s what this comes down to, worth it? It’s not about you letting him slide or you letting him get one over on you. It’s your well being, your health and relationship. If I was comfortable enough that it wouldn’t effect me financially (because let’s face it, you aren’t getting it now and there’s no guarantee you will if at all) I would give it up. I learned the effect you have on dad, adversely effects the child. Your child will respect you later on knowing you decided to choose peace.
Stand your ground and cut your son off. He should pay for his own college and bills he can get a job. Don’t do what your exes mom did for him
I wouldn’t let your ex off the hook. And I would tell your son that he can have his father pay for his things since he thinks you are so unfair. Idk what he is telling your son but it won’t stop with this, anything he doesn’t like he will continue to use your son against you. Hopefully one day when your son grows up and gets away from his father he will see how things really are and who was actually wrong. I would also tell your son that it was unfair to you and your family that his father didn’t hold up his end of the divorce agreement.
so forgiving the debt is the Christian thing to do… I don’t think mortgage & other bill collectors gaf about her religious beliefs… get your $ & bank it… your son wants to be this way stop paying for all his stuff… dad can do it now…
I would stand your ground. You were/are entitled to what is owed. Your ex should stop involving your child, and when you son approaches you about it, you answer with " that’s between your father and I" and leave it at that.
Stand your ground and stop laying all your sons fees.Let him see what dad helps him out with…or not…then he might realise
But if you do let it go then I’d still stop paying all your sons bills and fees ect…let him get a part time job and dad can pay it for a change
Been there sort of, with the mind poisoning thing. I don’t think it’ll make a difference whatever you choose. He’s already been ‘groomed’ so to speak. Let daddy start paying all his bills.
Sit the ‘adult’ son down and go through the whole financial debacle from the beginning…add in what it is now costing you to contribute to his life…his choice to believe/consider your side…Ask him outright if this happened to him what he would do…Don’t let the ex off the debt…carry on with your life as you see fit. …all the very best to you from New Zealand
Stand your ground…my ex had poisoned my son against me but time came and went and my son grew and seen his dad for what he was
stand your ground - make your son pay for everything from here on out - and if he cant, he can call his dad.
reality check.
for you and him.
you - deserve that money.
your son - needs to learn his boundaries
Stand your ground for sure!
Tell your son all this. Forgive your ex. Let it go. Be the better person. It’s hard I know. You suffered and deserve better. The Dr only way to have peace with Yourself ,is to let it go. I know and understand how you feel. It’s sorry to let him get away with it all. But , show and teach your children your better than this. He will come back and you will have a better relationship with your children. That’s what makes it worth it. You ex is not worth losing your children. Pray about it . Be courageous. God bless.
Peace to you and yours.
Honey! You can not fix everything! You can be humble!
Nope, adult son can figure out what it is to be an adult and pay his way. Your ex needs to pay his debt. He shouldn’t have made a “new” when he still had outstanding debt to you. He needs to grow up too! Do not let him off the hook, you probably won’t ever get it anyway!
If he wants to keep his job, it’s his responsibility to repay his debts. It’s not your fault he never paid you what you were owed. You could try to “settle” and accept an amount less than what he owes but still makes him responsible to pay some.
Stand your ground. If he owes you money then get what’s owed to you. He wants you to let it all go! That’s why he’s talking bad about you to everyone. If the courts believe he owes you, then sounds like he needs to start paying. Hopefully your son will come around someday. Just remember karma is a bitch and his day is coming and hopefully your son will see the truth in the end!
Stand your ground and quit paying for your son, let daddy do it
Definitely stand your ground! You deserve this, you put just as much work into it as he did!
Stand your ground, but also don’t fight. The bitterness of it all will only continue to poison you. From a financial and business perspective, you can’t let it go… your son needs to grow into a man and learn how to hold his own.
Stand your ground. He owes you…he made bad financial choices. Not you. If your son has issues with you because of it tell him he is an adult and can pay his own way. We parents are not " obligated" to pay college tuition especially if it puts financial burden on you.
Stand your ground!!!
Do not let the ex off the hook. It’s unfortunate your son has either fallen for your ex’s “woe is me” or is just like his father, either way enabling them isn’t helping them. You’ve gotten the short end long enough, don’t cave!
Stand your ground. Don’t think your gonna win your son back at this point then your going to be more pissed. Your son will come around later. Do not give in to the ex.
He should have never involved your son. Kids should never be involved in issues between their parents. Could you go to a mediator. Maybe settle on a smaller amount so that you at least get something and hopefully he’ll agree to it with payments. Just because he has a second family doesn’t mean he should just excuse his first family. Hold your ground but maybe settle on something less so you at least get a bit. Good luck.
Stick ur ground. Ur Son with come around someday
Stand your ground! It sounds like this is a lot of money that will help you support your children! If he is willing to settle I would take him up on it, but honestly he owes you that money for a reason. You and your family supported him, you now support all of your guys children. The least he could do is settle with you. Your son will understand it one day, or at the very least get over it. 
Tell him the only way you’d let the debt go is if he signs a contract(notarized) to pay all your sons school, rent, & everything else you pay for him till he’s got a degree. Let your son deal with his Dad from now on. Your son will find out the truth eventually.
You’re entitled to that money go for it!
Stick to the debt owed and have your son rely on dad for what he needs, see how long that last. Eventually he will mature and see things both ways.
if you have not already done so, i would suggest you contact an attorney and get his advise on what is best legally for you. proceed from there
Stand your ground. Your son will come around in time. Don’t let him off the hook, you invested 14 years building that business right along side of him. You deserve what the judge awarded you.
Stand your ground and don’t let anyone tell you different and sounds like you need to give your son a reality check
Make arrangements to have his wages garnished for a certain amount or wait till he retires and take his SS. You son has no right to be involved in this. Also letting things slide with your ex won’t make any difference. Your son is not going to pay your bills when you can’t.
Take him back to Court and Prosecute the Judgement.
Hopefully it is not too late!
First and foremost I’m so sorry. As a Mom I can imagine how much this rift between you and your son is hurting your heart.
Secondly……you live comfortably financially with your husband, would the extra cushion be nice, sure! But in all honesty money isn’t even the real issue here…. And if you got the money from him it wouldn’t change what you’ve been through/done or lack their of. You’re amazing and you have your family and YOURSELF to focus on. Personally I’d cut that final string and say to hell with it. Even if you got it, it changes nothing emotionally or mentally that happened.
Thirdly, either which way, your son is your son and it’s so sad his father put him in the middle, poor kid probably feels confused and crushed but going forward just give him the space to see everything and move on
This is your life! Stand your ground! If your son want a to act like he knows everything, let his father do for him. He’ll see how far he gets with that. How lucky he is that you married a good man.
Don’t give in, and let sons father step up, but seriously why are you paying for every need your son has
That’s your money
You helped build the company that made all the money and damnit you’re entitled to it.
Stick to your guns!!
I think everyone needs a wake up call. Your being taken advantage of. Your adult son should be paying his own way and you shouldn’t be going against the courts decisions from your divorce
Hell no don’t let him off the hook. He didn’t even bother paying child support. What a crappy dad. Then you’re footing the bill for your “grown up” son. He (your child) should be so grateful and not involving himself in real grown up business since he isn’t financially responsible even for himself he should have zero imput on what you do to support your family. You ex isn’t doing you a favor by paying you back, that was YOUR business too.
I would put my foot down with the ex and the son. If he were struggling I would feel different. Stop paying your adult sons stuff immediately also. He or his father can pick it up.
Stop paying things for your son, get his so called dad to do it. You shouldn’t feel guilty for anything, your ex is a scum bag and had lied to your son.
Stand your ground, and maybe you and your husband need to cut your son off on some of the leisure expenses of his own, like gas, phone etc. teach him to respect you and he isn’t entitled to those things and he can learn the hard way by working and going to school. In a way it’s kind of enabling him. Sound like a sad situation, and I can understand where you are coming from. Your ex is trying every way to get around it, but what are you supposed to do start over again? You took time helping run the business and raise his children
I wouldn’t drop NOTHING and YES your son love’s you he’s just brainwashed right now and longer he stays mad the more he will watch his dad closer. He’ll wake up and see it ALL… Let dad take care of him in the mean while…
STAND YOUR GROUND!
Stand your ground! Tell your son to start paying for his own stuff if he wants to be ungrateful.
Don’t forgive the debt
Do not let it go, under any circumstances. It is not like he had a successful business when you met him. Something you built together belongs to the two of you snd he had no right to let it all go down the drain. Also, stop paying for your son’s expensed and let him run to daddy. You’ve done enough.
Nope do not let it go! You let go enough and your son will either see it eventually or he won’t but letting it goes just lets him off no hard work no life lesson he’s and adult he can figure out his own mess and I don’t see why he has to have a free pass just cause! He did this not you!
You can’t forgive back child support it’s a legal thing call a lawyer
Firstly I’d be making your adult son pay his own way and see how he likes it. Shouldn’t be up to your husband.
Stand your ground and tell you son you love your dad so much get him to pay for everything from now on.
Why are you even still supporting the ungrateful little brat. If he thinks so highly of his father tell him to get his daddy to pay for his expenses. Do NOT backdown. His fathers irresponsibly and selfishness is not your problem, if he owned this money to a bank you can be damn sure they would do everything to collect. Get as much evidence of what he earns as you can and take him back to court.
Don’t drop anything and tell your oldest to get a job!
I know this is not the popular answer ,but I would let it go. The ex is never going to pay it anyway it’s always going to be a thorn in your side and just one more thing that keeps ties to your ex. Let it go and be free from the stress of trying to make him pay it. Eventually your son will see his dad’s true colors and will start coming back around. I forgave $30,000.00 in child support so my son could have a relationship with his dad and my ex showed his true colors and now him and my son no longer have a relationship. Yes I could have used that money because at the time I was a single Mom ,but my peace of mind was so much better than the constant argument of his excuses for not paying the debt, or me not getting the money because he quit his job again.
Your son doesn’t actually think this, but this is straight out of his father and his grandma’s mouth. You literally had to pay for your child by yourself during that time while he lived a lavish lifestyle. It is HIS fault that it’s not paid, it is not you being selfish or cruel. That is your money that you paid into your child while the father played with his wealth. I don’t even know if you can let go of back child support. The way he’s talking you can literally tell that he’s just copying what he hears.
I would not just let it go. Your son may not understand right now but when hes older he will
Is having one last stab at the ex really worth it ? I mean if your doing ok without the money is it nessisary ? I would much prefer family over money any day you are entitled to the pay out and if that’s the route you want to take then you gotta take the consequences with it 
Stand your ground and make him accountable for his actions. Also let your ex husband pay for your oldest sons needs and wants. You are also enabling your oldest son, he is an ADULT! You have done your time paying for everything, it’s time for your ex husband and your son to stand on their own two feet. They are both adults. Your son might not like it now but will understand it later. Especially when he has a family of his own. Stop enabling your son to turn out just like your ex husband
Seems like your ex will have another excuse to make your son not want to speak with you either way. I think it’s time to stand up for yourself and get what is rightfully yours. If I’m not mistaken, you’re entitled to part of your exs social security as well…
Do not let this go. You don’t need to explain anything to your son about your ex and debt, if your son only wants to listen to one side and brush you off he has a lot of growing up to do and just shows the lack of maturity in him!
Your son is a adult you don’t need to pay for his rent, gas, food etc he may as well still be living with you! Don’t baby him because everything is just getting handed to him on a silver platter.
If you let this go you’re just giving not only to him but his New WIFE ALSO; She didn’t earn it you DID!!
Stand your ground. You deserve what is yours!
I wouldn’t let it go. Take your son to a counselor and go with him. Discuss his the dad has never financially helped with those kids and still won’t help. He doesn’t make your choices. You deserve the money. And your husband deserves to pay up and if he loses his job, who’s fault was that? His for not being a parent.
If you don’t need the money, save it in an account for the kids.
There comes a time in our lives as a mother, a daughter, a sister etc that we need to look after ourselves and I think this is such a time for you. If you need to do this financially to secure your future, your retirement, your old age etc then do it. What is to say that your son won’t find something else to not talk to you about. Perhaps he has much of his father in him and therefore nothing will change regardless of what you do.
Your son needs to mind his business. He’s spoiled rotten at this point. Maybe he needs to earn something to feel what it’s like to work and get nothing in return. I think you should hold your ground. If it isn’t this it’ll be something else the ex is poisoning your son with. He will mature and realize eventually.
Psh stop being a pushover and go for what is urs screw that mommy’s boy let him cry you a river. Fair is fair. I wouldn’t take that bs even if they are family
Stand your ground, children will grow and learn whom is the problem. Right now your son is probably more hurt by his mom and dad being split up than anything. I would give him time and space, don’t force a relationship it may only strain it. Continue doing you momma.
Sounds to me like your EX is using your child as a pawn and he does this because he knows it works. I would stand my ground and get what’s owed regardless of your sons feelings. he needs to see his mother be strong enough to stand up for herself and he needs to see his father take accountability and fulfill the agreement 
either way your ex will find another reason to turn him against you so may as well do what’s best for your future.
Welcome to the club. My husbands son has not talked to us for 20 years so many things were unfair you would not believe the fight went on and our life’s sucked at times look up social security and find out about that Will you be eligible for any of it from him if your married again You may get more being on your now husbands social security at retirement age sorry he did everything to screw you over. Dose he have a house you can put a lien on he must have it in her name he’s pretty slick This all may not be worth it I say let it go for your own sake and new husbands sake let yourself have peace do it for you not your son
Do not let this go!! Seems like your oldest son has entitlement issues like his Daddy!!! STOP paying for EVERYTHING for Your son!! He is Old enough for college DEFINITELY old enough for some RESPONSIBILITY like paying his own gas, some/most even All of his own food AND phone!! Gas cards and food cards are TREATS!.. Paying his phone and whatever is presents as well!!! YOU was married to him FIRST so his Social security will be shared with you FIRST and then wifey #2 family…
Next time your son has a smartass comment remind him that you was married to his DAD (Who can pay for son’s EXTRAS) NOT HIM So it’s NONE OF HIS BUSSINES!!
Since he sides with Dad!!
Next time EX gives YOU anymore crap remind him that HE NO LONGER Feeds you, F***ks You OR pays Your Bill’s so he needs to mind HIS business and LEVEL UP!!! Be a Man and show his Son to take RESPONSIBILITY & PAY HIS DEBTS!!!
Then tell YOUR HUSBAND THANK YOU FOR BEING YOU!!!
Stand your ground. Your son is an adult and needs to behave like one.
Let it go but…
You ex can pay for the son who believes people should have a pass .
Keep a cordial relationship with your son . When he grows up and has real life under his belt he might figure it out and he might not . Life is too short to worry about a ex and a son who are selfish one way thinkers . As you stated you don’t need it and you have a good life. Walk away and enjoy your life and it’s not about doing the right thing or being a Christian or because you don’t need it. Do it because that part of that life has been over a long time ago and anytime your ex if you still speak with him or your son try to bring it up just tell him all of that is over it is never to be talked about and just have a relationship with your son the best you can but if he ever needs money from you it’s your right to tell him no to ask his dad. Go start living your life and stay blessed that you can support yourself well and stay proud of you . Stayed blessed and good luck .
Stand your ground and don’t let your son meddle in your business. You got this.
Your x needs to be paying for all your son stuff, not you and your husband. When he doesn’t pay, maybe your son will realize why you want back money.
Stand your ground all the way. Your son will see the light some day. His father is using your son because he is your weak point
YOU GO LADY!
Keep fighting for what’s yours but don’t forget to also count your blessings.
For your son, the right thing to do is stand your ground. Otherwise you are teaching him to be the same sleezy, weak, dishonest man your ex is.
You are his mother. It is your responsibility to teach him, and hold him to the highest standards.
It will not be easy to suffer his cold shoulder and wrath. But you have to set an example now, just as you did when he was a teen.
Stay strong mama!
Hold your ground. Your son doesn’t know what you went through and your ex , more than likely didn’t tell him the truth. Shame on your son for not wanting to know the truth. Stand your ground. Your son will come around some day. If he’s as smart as you say, he will find out the truth. After all, there is two sides of every story.
As a father, stand your ground. Your son will either understand someday or he won’t. Stop paying for this man’s mistakes from this point on.
Stand your ground! Also your son needs to learn to pay for his own way as I’m assuming he’s a young adult? Absolutely fine to help him but I was paying my own phone bill etc from 18, I had my daughter at 21 and my mum being strict on me taught me about the real world! Also how can he hold a grudge on you when you provide for him and his dad absolutely nothing? Good luck x
I would tell both the father and son, since he wants the debt written off he can now pay to finish raising the adult son through college and after until he can get a job. Your adult son can no longer come to you for money
Stand your ground and maybe give your son some “tough love” and cut him off and maybe he’ll eventually understand.
Stand your ground. Your ex knew that he had to pay for your half of the business. Instead of doing the right thing he chose to blow his/the/your money on his girlfriend and showing off. His an adult and needs to face the consequences of his actions.
You deserve to have money so you can retire, go study and anything else you missed out on while you were raising your kids and putting them first.