Do I need permission from my husband to visit my family?

Should I have to get permission from my husband before I go visit my family? So I’ve been with my husband for almost seven years, married for two we recently moved a little over an hour away from all my family so if I go to visit it’s not just for an hour or two it’s usually the whole day that I’ll be gone seeing as how I don’t drive that far all the time. I would say I see my family maybe once a month if that, and every time I do, my husband is fighting with me the entire time I’m gone, usually because he didn’t want me to go, and I went anyway. I feel like if I wait for him to say yes, I’ll never go and visit my family. I don’t know what to do anymore. Like this last time, he said we need to save money, and I’m going down that way next weekend. Well, I’m going down that way for a bridal shower for a friend not to go see my family, and my mom works the day of the bridal shower, so I can’t go see her then. We are not hurting for money, and I get his concern, but at the same time, it’s not like I’m going to be spending a bunch of money; I just want to take the kids to go visit my mom. I will try and keep an eye out for when this gets posted, and I’ll reply to any questions.


No, you do not. He is not your parent.

You absolutely do not need permission to go visit your mom, family etc. The only reasons I can think of why this would be a problem for him is either trust issues or control. Maybe he has some underlying trust issues that makes him anxious when you go. Or he could be using this as a method of isolation to control the relationship. Either way, I’d talk to him about some type of compromise. “I’ll only go one weekend a month to visit unless there is an event. Maybe next time you’d like to come and we can use the drive to spend time together and talk”- type of thing. Good luck!

You don’t need permission!
My husband used to do this and would said we had something to do but we would spend the whole weekend at his moms. So one day i was done with it and I told him, we are going to spend one weekend with your mom and one weekend with mine. If he didn’t want to visit my mom then I wouldn’t visit his….good luck to you!

I have been in the same boat as you, any time I went to visit it would be a fight. We fought because I would go back to the town I lived in for 15years, and he was scared I had some other guy to visit out there :face_with_raised_eyebrow:Sometimes I would just make up an excuse as to why I couldn’t come out just to save a fight. In all honesty after 6years of that I ended up having a break down and told my husband I need my mum, and he’s more than welcome to come with me but if he doesn’t he needs to trust and accept that I’m only at my mums and no where else. Now sometimes he’ll message to ask how long until I get home, only because he’s usually wanting dinner by the time I get home :rofl: I hope you find a way to communicate with your husband to stop the arguments, you need your mum and he needs to understand that

This is called being Controlled! No, you should not have to ask permission! Communicating with your partner about things you are going to do is normal. Him telling you when you are allowed to go somewhere is not! I was in a relationship just like this. I was only allowed to go to town for groceries when absolutely necessary & then it had to include everything else needed at the time (doctors, chiropractor, banking etc) with my little one. I was allowed to go to the store (20 min away) once without the kids, he texted 30 min after I had left wondering why I wasn’t home yet. Then the same for going to my parents house & to pick up my older son from his dad 45 minutes away. I could only go when necessary. The ex would call my cell, the house phone, then text & private message me, if I didn’t answer right away he would send the neighbor over to check on me… Get out NOW! It’s not good for you or your children. I developed major anxiety & my little one did too. He ended up needing therapy for it, 6 years later there are still times that he has a problem that takes longer than usual to get through. You deserve to be treated as an equal in any relationship.

No I wouldn’t be seeking permission to visit anyone let alone my family, again like someone has said I’d say where I’m going purely for safety reasons and I text when I’m on my way home mainly so he can stick the kettle on/pour a glass of wine.

Have you asked him why he acts like this?

Fuck no, you’re a grown ass woman

I have been in the same boat as you, any time I went to visit it would be a fight. We fought because I would go back to the town I lived in for 15years, and he was scared I had some other guy to visit out there :face_with_raised_eyebrow:Sometimes I would just make up an excuse as to why I couldn’t come out just to save a fight. In all honesty after 6years of that I ended up having a break down and told my husband I need my mum, and he’s more than welcome to come with me but if he doesn’t he needs to trust and accept that I’m only at my mums and no where else. Now sometimes he’ll message to ask how long until I get home, only because he’s usually wanting dinner by the time I get home :rofl: I hope you find a way to communicate with your husband to stop the arguments, you need your mum and he needs to understand that

Never would I ever let someone, husband or not, tell me when I can to see my mother. Better yet, what I do at all. Being married is a partnership, not a dictatorship.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Do I need permission from my husband to visit my family? - Mamas Uncut

Go see your family and don’t ask for your husband’s permission; in my opinion that’s controlling


Sounds like he’s trying to control and isolate. You shouldn’t need “permission” to do anything. It’s a courtesy to run it past him. But permission? Absolutely not. That’s not a partnership. That’s a dictatorship


That’s your mom ! Period !

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No. You don’t need permission. Just let him know, hey this day I’ll be gone visiting family/whatever else.
I think telling your spouse what your doing is respectful. But permission… no.


Don’t ask a man for permission to see your blood tf I tell mine what I’m doing and I’ll ask him did it sound like I was asking


You do not need permission to visit your own family , maybe let him know your going or is that the problem ???


Your husband sounds controlling. I’d say go visit your mom. You only get one, so visit her while she’s still alive.


Permission for an hour drive​:pensive::persevere:.Go see your family

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Go visit your family

Hell no!! You have every right to visit family. If he has the mindset that you need permission, or that you can’t go if/when he doesn’t want you to, you better toss that entire guy out


As long as your family are safe people. You absolutely do not have to ask permission. Sounds like he has major control issues and is trying to isolate you. Which is a form of abuse! It’s only going to get worse from here.


I see both sides honestly…. I would plan out a weekend like say the 3rd weekend of every month is when you go to spend the day or weekend with your family. I mean if you aren’t comfortable driving that far since you normally don’t then he’s probably concerned as well. I wouldn’t automatically jump to the conclusion that he’s trying to keep you from your family unless there’s more that’s not being told. Marriage is like any relationship, you have to communicate with each other.


No permission needed. That’s your family. I would suggest letting him know what is going on though.


Do you need his permission? Does he need yours to see his family??? He sounds controlling to me, you are not a child.

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Do not let a man isolate you from your family! My sisters poor excuse of man/husband does does that and she goes for it. We don’t have contact with her because of him and it’s horrible. No man is ever worth isolating yourself from your family for. Go see them!! You don’t need his permission, that’s your family. Sounds like he wants to control you, don’t allow that. If he’s going act like that then get rid of him and find a good man that doesn’t take his insecurities out on you. My sister herself may see this too, I hope she does and I’m not sorry.


I’d be throwing away the husband. Someone who basically alienates u from ur family does not love you. He’s got control issues


Go see you family, .
Turn off the phone


You’re an adult you should not have to ask for permission.

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Go see your family!! He is in the wrong for telling you, you cant or shouldn’t!! No man would ever tell me when i can go see my Mom!! Ya only get one mom and i feel spending time with her is best!! Go see your mom and shut your phone off until you head back home!! Dont ever let any man control you!!



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I live one hour away from work :joy: one hour is nothing is not even a lot of gas. :joy: he is using it to try and control what you do. Let him be mad, go see your family.

Id ask him why he doesnt want you to said its not money.he does sound controlling. Maybe he should offer to go with you , but regardless i think he should be more understanding. Our moms wont be here forever.mine passsed this last oct. I miss her so much and wish i could go see her.

Do you view yourself as his property if so then yes you need permission however you ARE NOT HIS PROPERTY AND THEREFORE NO you do not need permission to do anything. A heads up is courtesy but no you do not need permission to do simple things like seeing your family


What I would like to know?

  1. Are you there children involved and are you crossing state lines?

If no kids then why would you need permission. I communicate with my spouse on things but I don’t need permission to see family or friends, are you a prisoner? Sounds like some control issue, unless there is more to the store that isn’t being shared!

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Who in the hell is asking these questions? Yesterday was someone wanting more CS from their ex, so they were going to quit their job…now this??? WTF?! Why were bras burned? Our mothers/grandmothers are probably so pissed!


Is there a reason why he does not want you to visit your family very much? Is there a history of your mother or someone else in your family treating you poor? Do they not like him, treated you or your children or your husband poorly? If there is a reason why, I could see why he doesn’t want you to go very much.

If there is absolutely no reason and he’s trying to just control you, I would have a conversation with him. I’d let him know that it is not okay behavior for him to fight with you for taking the kids and going to visit your family. If he thinks that he can control you and prevent you from seeing your family (without reason) than he can leave.

So this is how it goes with my boyfriend of almost 6 years. Although I don’t HAVE to ask for permission to do something, go see someone, etc. - I still talk to him about it first. He doesn’t control me but we are a team. I respect him and our relationship so that is why I ask him. So do you need permission from your husband to visit your family? no.

Sounds like you need a new husband.

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He sounds very very controlling!


You’re a grownup do what you need to

Wow! You should not need his permission to go see family. I wouldn’t ask, I’d just tell him that you are going. If the issue is money, figure out a way to make a little money of your own to pay for the trips to see family.


I work a hour away plus my side of the family lives a hour away my fiance knows and he doesn’t say anything about it … you don’t need permission to go see your family he sounds controlling


Hell no. You tell him I’m going to see my family on X day and go.

I don’t need my husbands “permission” for ANYTHING!! Do we discuss? Of course, but never permission.
I moved out of my parents house a LONG time ago.


Hell no… my parents were 10.5 hours away and I would go every six months to see them… I would just tell my husband when I was going and when id be home… when they lived close I spent every Saturday at their house… they lived about 45 minutes away.
Stop his controlling now or it will only get worse.

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That’s not normal and most certainly not healthy sounds like you need rid of him ASAP!!

No,does he see his family

Not permission per say but I’d coordinate schedules

i don’t have advice but i’m recently in this same position except with seeing my best friend… the girl i’ve been best friends with since i was 12 years old… so i feel your pain and confusion :black_heart::frowning:

Your husband doesn’t own you sounds like he might not trust you he should I’ll bet he don’t ask your permission to do anything does he that’s a clue right there or does he haul up and go someplace without telling you you want to visit your family go this is a control behavior problem he’s got the problem Jimbo

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Never alienate yourself from your family. That’s what he is trying to do. My ex husband did that to me and he turned very abusive, emotionally, psychologically and physically. You need your support system and he cannot keep you from your family.


Does he ask for permission to go visit his family ? Y’all both are adults and I’m sure your not doing nothing bad by visiting your fam!


You shouldn’t have to ask for permission to visit your family. I would simply say “I’m going to visit my mom, if you want to go you can if not then ok but I’m still going” I really wouldn’t give him an option, I would just say I’m going. Sounds to me like he is being very possessive of you, and I myself don’t handle that very well.


That’s abuse. Alienating you from your family. Huge red flag. You need to get some therapy or LEAVE.


I live 2 hours away from my family. Anytime I make plans with my family weather it’s to visit for a day or spend the weekend I always inform my fiancé just so he knows but he’s never put up a fight or told me I’m not allowed to go. That’s definitely not okay.

Oh hell no!!! You go whenever you want

Lost my dad 3 years ago and mam 11 months later,would give anything to be able to go see them,they are your family and dont ever think you need permission to visit. you won’t have a choice to make some day when they are gone so visit any chance you get xx


You are being selfish. You are married and those drives and days gone need to be agreed upon. If he was just going out to be gone for a whole day, burning up gas and extra money, without asking you, you wouldn’t be happy either. You shouldn’t be asking the internet, you should be working on the problems in your marriage and understanding that it isn’t about what you want, it isn’t about what he wants. It is about communication, compromise, and dealing with things as partners.


Girl, you’re an adult. You don’t need permission from anybody to go see & visit who ever you want. Be a cold blizzard in HELL before my man would tell me not to go visit my family


Why do you let your husband tell you what to do? Don’t let him keep you away from your family if he loves you then he wouldn’t do that. He sounds controlling to me

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Dont ask for permission BUT always tell them where you’re going and go…

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Family will always be there. He can up his ass at anytime and tell you he is leaving. You should never have to ask his permission to visit them. You tell him what day you plan on going and that is it!

If anything just let him know in advance as much as possible that you plan on going. Tell him you are not asking, you are telling him.

This is a red flag and how mental abuse starts. Then physical. Please. Be aware.


I stopped reading after the title “should I ask for my husband’s permission” and came right here
NO you don’t need to ask his permission, he doesn’t own you, you have mind and the capability to make reasonable, rational decisions. The only time permission would be need is for decisions about the children…medical care, school, large financial decisions
Then it would be a joint decisions not his alone to make


No…why is he so worried about you going and why doesn’t he come with you? Driving for a couple of hours really isn’t a financial issue so I really don’t get what he’s alluding to.

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You don’t need your husband’s permission to do a damn thing.

You sound like you have what most people pray for and that’s a good relationship with your family. Don’t let no man come between that. When the man gone what will you and the children have? If he loved you and the children enough this wouldn’t be a problem. Children need to feel the love of their family. I was never able to give this to my sons because mines on my mother side are a bunch of self righteous lying thieving :face_with_symbols_over_mouth: Now that’s the clean version of what I really wanted to say because the real version has alot of " Tell him haul he :face_with_symbols_over_mouth:@#*:rage:%##:face_with_symbols_over_mouth: And you should know the rest.

You absolutely do not need to ask permission…

I wasn’t able to see some of my family when I was with my ex husband, especially funerals, I mean, yes, he was military but he made sure he was able to go to funerals for family members and it was in the same state but I was not able to…I will never forgive him for that.

No. Go see your family. I WISH my family only lived an hour away. And I DARE my husband to try to tell me I need his permission to do anything :joy::joy::joy:

I get this TO A POINT. If I loaded up and went on an hour drive without telling my husband, family or not, he would be a little upset. But he would just say he wished I’d told him what I was doing so he knew where I was in case of an accident or any other kind of emergency. We communicate with each other about where we’re going and what we’re doing. Any other time we are together. But you husband like… arguing with you over going to see your family… that’s um. That’s very cringe to be honest. Have you tried asking him if he wants to go too? Maybe he just doesn’t like going an entire day without you. In some cases that can be controlling and possessive but that’s not always the case. My husband and I don’t like going an entire day without each other neither lol. If one of us leaves the other all day it’s because the other is sick/can’t go. But if you’re only going to see your family once a month I don’t see the issue. It’s not like you’re going every single weekend to the point your husband gets no time with you. I’d just talk to him. What he’s doing is kinda cringy but it might not be as bad as it seems lol. Just talk to him and ask him why he hates it so much you go see them. Ask him if he wants to go with you. And ask him if it’s because he just misses you all day or if it’s another reason. I sort of went through this with my husband when we first got together. He got mad I went to the movies with my family for my nannys birthday because he didn’t like my cousin at the time lol. My husband believed most girls were trashy and he didn’t want me around any bad influences. :rofl::rofl: I can laugh about it now but it made me really mad back then because it was stupid lol. The longer we were together the more relaxed he got and now he understands not to do that lol. I have a very good husband who is wonderful to me and an amazing father to our child. Sometimes in the beginning of a relationship/marriage guys are cringy without noticing they are lol. My husband and I have been together 8 years now and he doesn’t have this problem anymore. And no it didn’t take 8 years for him to get over it. :joy: He stopped doing this to me after we were married for a year. I’m sure talking to your husband first about things will make this entire situation go away. Don’t bow down to him. He’s not your master. :joy: But just communicate with him as a wife.


You are a human being. Not an object. He shouldn’t keep you from your family.


Hell no. I would an visit my family when ever I pleased. Some men just don’t understand .

Just got my ass chewed for taking my kiddos to my sisters for a sleepover with their cousin, my man is gone allll night until 4am working, doesn’t wake up til noon, but was mad that I wouldn’t drive home drunk (6 miles) with my 3 littles lastnight. And now I’m in “trouble” with him :woozy_face:

My husband acts like he need my permission for everything and it drives me crazy. I say to him, I am not your mom, make your own decisions. Yes there are times he wants to do something or buy something and I will tell him we just can’t right now, as he does to me, or we negotiate.

Um no I’d tell him this is what I’m planning if you don’t have anything I would like you to come with.

If I have to ask permission. I would no longer be in that relationship! Does he ask for what he does!

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You shouldn’t have to ask for permission

I only ask because it not my vehicle when it comes to my family I don’t ask but when it’s going out and doing my own thing is when I ask
He’s my man and barely says no to me

But naturally if your married and all you shouldn’t have to ask for permission

That’s ridiculous in my opinion if he don’t want you going then tell him to go with you or shut up

It’s your family

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It’s 2021, he can take that tiny :eggplant: energy elsewhere!


I’d just tell him I’m going and go. He isn’t my father and I’m not property…

No you need to go!!! Sounds like he wants to be controlling to me and I wouldn’t put up with that .


Permission? Absolutely not.
Discussion? Absolutely yes.

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Need his permission no, but letting him know yes. Now my situation is slightly different. My husband doesn’t tell me I can’t go somewhere, but anything out of town he’d prefer if he could go with me. The reason for that is I have severe anxiety coupled with PTSD & while we are waiting for my service dog to be fully trained he doesn’t want me out of town by myself in case I have an episode (he’s afraid strangers wouldn’t know how to help me or make my episode worse).
As for your situation, I’d say you & your husband need to sit down & have a serious discussion about it.

I don’t feel anyone needs permission for anything but at the same time I do ask my husband before making plans not because I have to it’s just a respect thing.

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Other than communication on time n date I don’t see why not buttttPermission???why???
Does he see his???
Mommy you need to examine your relationship
Is it Karmic or soulmate???
Don’t allow no one to separate you from your love ones, unless they are toxic or your family is dysfunctional? Or it endangers the kids

What kind of relationship did you have with up bringing

Why hurt the kids n maybe their grandparents

:heart: Red flag
Alienation n control is toxic and child abuse

You should know your husband :slightly_smiling_face:but I don’t see anything wrong you wanting to be with your love ones

Shootttt have them fine over than…you Got This

Communicate with each other and agree on what best for everyone

Family is love :two_hearts:

Good luck
God bless your family

That’s control, love.


Uhhhh…please tell me you’re joking

Communication, yes! Permission? No!


Honestly sounds like a red flag. Definitely communicate with him about what your doing just so he would come home and your just gone but he don’t need to be arguing with you about it. It sounds like he don’t want nothing to with your family and expects the same from you. Now I’m sure there is definitely more to the story but as it is it just sounds like he’s trying to control you and that’s a red flag🤷‍♀️

Idk if it’s because I live in the Midwest and an hour drive is the norm here or what but it really sounds like he just doesn’t want you to see your family. I have an ex that would do the same thing when I wanted to go see my sister. I didn’t know then but I realized he was actually just scared that I’d tell her what he was doing and she’d tell me to leave him. Every time I’d go he would text me terrible shit or call me and scream and then hang up. The situation was entirely abusive and I left him.

Hell No…ask permission hahah never

That’s really controlling. Is your family and if he’s getting upset your going that’s a giant red flag

No you don’t need permission you just need to tell him very calmly that you are going and you will be back after spending the day with them and our own drive you need to stay there and visit for a while and if he bothers you on the phone while you’re gone turn the phone off or put it away do not answer I will tell a little story here now my sister got with this man when she was 16 and married him he was on drugs and everything else got her that way he wouldn’t let her go see her family so she messed out on say 30 years 35 years somewhere in there of seeing her parents and her sister and brother nieces and nephews because he would not let her now she’s 50 something she finally got off drugs for the past 4 years I believe she’s more into Jesus now and she has all the regrets of not being there for her mom and dad sister brother nieces nephews daughter son her son won’t even talk to her now they said he thought she was dead all these years but don’t let someone even if he is the husband like you miss out on your family and then they will come it will be too late like my sister she missed out on everything and it really does get to her now that she let men in control her life patient understand this cuz they won’t be there forever so I would say no to asking him and getting permission which he apparently probably will not give tell him you’re going and you’ll be back don’t let him be controlling over you cuz one day you’ll live to regret it believe me

It’s nice to ask, just to coordinate plans, but he doesn’t need to give you permission… my husband lets me leave state to visit my mom anytime I want :woman_shrugging:

Don’t ask tell him you are going

Maybe he means to plan it on day when it doesn’t impede on ur guys plans? Does he think ur side of family is toxic? I’m only saying this Becuz my dad did this and my mom family is toxic and my ex said these things and my side of family is intact toxic. I know they r but u still hoped that there will be no drama stress but every time there always is. He’s trying to make sure I don’t get sucked into their stupid crap. Setting healthy boundaries. My family lives 5 min away but I only visit fir an hr-3hrs and maybe 1-2x a month. Becuz I try and avoid the stress and drama. It’s not worth my time and energy to expose my kids to constant headaches fights that my mom and sister do. But my situation is different.
But u didn’t say anything about how ur family is, only that he complains about u going.
Not bout permission maybe it’s just going over the calendar together and deciding what days work best.
It’s ur family and u get along with them. No u don’t have to ask for permission. How does ur family treat ur husband? Bad? Maybe that’s why he doesn’t approve. Do u invite him to go see them? Maybe u can cut it to 6 hrs a day each time u go.
Do u guys go spend time with his side of family? If u planned it so it’s equal it may be agreeable. When u say all day do u mean …6am-11pm? Or like 6-8 hrs?
I do agree that family should spend time together. 1 hr away is not that far. Although a lot more details are needed before we just say he’s controlling or is acting like he owns u.

Sounds like a control freak . Pack your stuff and kids and run


One day our moms and dads are no longer here with us, so go see family and enjoy life as we only have one life! Family means everything and if he wants to be with you then he needs to understand what family means to you and a little gas money to go see mom isn’t going to hurt and we all need to get out and do things. Don’t waste your time with him if he can’t see that families need to stay close and see each other. Believe me it’s hard when you have no mom or dad to go see any longer

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Don’t let him distance you from your family. I had that happen to me. I should have just left him.


Control springs to mind, massive red flags here,