Just the way he treated you in the beginning of him breaking up with you shows his true character
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He sounds like a real pos. Youāre unhappy/miserable. Most likely wonāt get past it which is totally understandable. Leave him. Itāll be hard but eventually u will be happy again. In this situation happiness doesnāt seem plausible. Hes set in his ways and will blame u for everything. You will grow to resent him even more until no love is left. You canāt keep a marriage afloat with only 1 person trying. Things can be much better without him for u and ur kids. Good luck.
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If youāre wanting this to work and he is willing to do whatever, you need marriage therapy. If not, it will not work.
Leaveā¦ this probably wasnāt the first time heās cheated on you. Heās only with you because he has no where to goā¦
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Iām so sorry for what he did to you, and how he has been treating you on top of that. Thatās truly fucked. I understand your dilemma. Honestly, if it were me I would probably have to say heās finished with his place in your life, at least for a while. Maybe he needs to feel what itās like to miss you. Really miss you.
You all have kids, I think you both need to grow up and separate!
move on, this guy aināt worth the bother.
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I would cut my losses and move on. Your kids will be a lot happier and thank you for it later on. I wish my parents would have separated while I was little instead of staying together for my sister and I and causing so much unnecessary trauma that weāre still dealing with today.
if you make a choice to fordive someone you let it do not bring up when you get mad and goig tobed with someone else to get even says you have not forgiven him this will never be good again you both just want to hurt each other
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Honestly only you have the answers to this
Nah he wants a wife appliance not a partner. He doesnāt care about you. Did he attend the party to figure out what went wrong within himself to do this? Did he gets tested at least twice after the affair ended? Nah keep in that divorce filing, custody/child support etc. get yourself in therapy and learn that you are worth more than the shot he is giving to you.
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I was in this exact situation like 6 months ago. Cept im pregnant with a baby from the guy I was with. I tried to take him back to and was constant bashed about the one thing I did. When his cheating was going on for a year (mostly just messages to this girl) and I had no idea until after I got pregnant. Now that being said I had to look at my life and say this is gonna be my life forever. Can I handle this or not? I decided I couldnāt and I left for good. I felt all the same things you did and it was confusing. It all boiled down to realizing the situation was toxic and leaving and dealing with my feelings after. Because at least for me, my feelings were muddied as long as I stayed. My love for him would overshadow a lot. Once I left and was gone for a bit I was able to separate all of the crap going on in my head and make it make sense.
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Get professional help before you make any more decisions
I couldnt even read the whole thingā¦you lost me as soon as you said he left cheated on you with your married friend and then came back to youā¦and you let himā¦so i dont even need to read anymoreā¦you are a fool and its time that you find your self respectā¦
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He wonāt change, it wonāt get better, get out.
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Itās going to take you atleast 2 years to heal. Itās literally science. If he canāt put up a wait and deal for your and his sake he isnāt worth it. It literally is going to take that long for you to heal and feel better. He has to be able to be by your side and so every making willing in order to make it work. Both have to do the work or ā¦ it wonāt work. Trust me.
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What sucks is you lost a best friend and his and all in one act of infidelity. I wanna know what happened to the best friends husband. Whereās he?
Once you forgive them one time itās like you give them a permanent pass to continue. I wish I could say it gets better but it generally doesnāt. Been there. Sorry this happened to you.
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I am soooo tired of seeing basically the same thing over and over again here on this site. The same details, the same excusesā¦If my husband left me for someone else especially one of my friends i would not even entertain the thought of taking him back. Then you say heās got drinking issues on top of it, good grief.
What kind of an example are you setting for those kids. Get out and take him to court and have him pay child support, end of story.
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I think u need to just focus on u for nowā¦ stop expecting him to do the decent and right thingā¦ he obviously thinks a few wks of him being āniceā is enough and all ur worthā¦
Ur entitled to bring that upā¦ ur feelings are still rawā¦
If he is shutting u down like thatā¦ then he has zero respect for u and doesnt give two hoots how it made u feelā¦
He doesnāt sound like a very nice person ā¦ and him treating u like that after what he didā¦ is despicable
What u didā¦ is no where near as bad as what he did to u and ur childrenā¦ for him to even TRY and compare is disgraceful behaviourā¦
Seriouslyā¦ is all that worth it???
Ur feelings will never be healed ā¦ the damage will never be fixed ā¦ not while he is doing all of thatā¦
Itās just going to poison what u try to haveā¦ if he is not willing to face up and deal with ur bad days and deal with the repercussions of how he hurt and damaged u and the relationshipā¦ then it will never be resolvedā¦
It needs to be dealt with properly so u can move onā¦
If he doesnāt face up to thatā¦
Then do what he told u to doā¦ and move on.
Find someone that will respect u and care how u feel.
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You stay. HE Leaves.
The one question I always put out there is this ādo you want your children to think this is ok and this is how you treat the one you are supposed to love for life?ā If your answer is OMG No then itās time to move on and let him mend his brokenness because that is not something you can do only him and as long as you stand by and take this treatment he is going to continue to give it to you. Know your own worth and the worth of your beautiful children. Both you as parents can be in their lives even not being together - think of your happiness and theirs - Iām sure they do not like the turmoil in your lives. Itās not easy by any means but the longer you stay and accept this treatment the harder it will become later on. Go forth and find happiness because it truly does not seem to be any here. You love him but I donāt feel you are in love with him and he surely doesnāt sound like he is in love with you either or loves himself at all. Good luck in whatever decision you make and God Bless you all.
Lady, come onā¦open your eyes.
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Seriously, walk away. Definitely not worth the heartache. Your feelings are valid and they matter. He seems very selfish and doesnāt care about how you think or feel.
Believe me dont stick around for the kids drop him like a hot potato and move on with your life
Make a choice, accept a half azz husband or leave.
Personally, I really do get staying. 12yrs is a long time. That said, heās behaving how you allow. Your children are seeing this. Theyāll get into relationships that mimic what theyāve grown up with. If you daughter came to you, what would you say?
If you saw your son acting like dad, what would you say?
Thatās your answer.
I highly suggest therapy. In person, with an appā¦whatever. Itās ok to work through this & heal yourself. Actually, itās imperativeā¦ For your children to see you work on you. 
Kick him to the curb asap before he tries to see if the grass is greener on the other side again
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Youād be more comfortable with someone who respects you
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One of the hardest lessons learned in life is that when actions donāt match their words, you must judge by the actions. There lies the truth.
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The friend he left for probably werenāt willing to put up with his drinking and excuses so he came back to you sorry if that sounds harsh but Iād never wana go near someone again that had been with my friend
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leave it doesnt get better dont use the kids as an excuse to stay together they need to know whats right and whats wrong to do in life. your just telling them its ok to cheat and drink
If you forgiveā¦ you have to forgive. Both of you can not constantly bring it up or neither of you will be able to move on from it. Also you may not have cheated but you did the same thing by sleeping with someone else during the MONTH that he left. If you could sleep with someone else you canāt question how he could either. Cheating is wrong, sleeping with someone a month after your husband of 12 years is wrong. Forgive each other and fix it if thatās what yāall want. But you canāt forgive and continue to bring it up.
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It doesnāt seem like he is trying to make it work with you. I would suggest marriage counseling to get down to the root, but in all likelihood. He doesnāt sound like a very good man to you, and doesnāt sound like heās trying to make amends.
Taking back a man like him is never a good idea. Sounds like He is not really that sorry. You know what He is like by now so none of this should shock you. He cheated, then blames you when you did nothing wrong, not a very good man.
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Praying for your broken heart, and for guidance. I hope the answer you are looking for comes to you soon. God bless you! I know how hard this can be. If you ever want to talk, feel free to PM me.
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Heās trying to gaslight you. I donāt think it sounds worth saving so Iād move on.
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Do you know how you sound? This whole situation in a train wreck thatās already happened. Get rid of this small minded weasel and let him trot back and fourth to some woman who canāt do any better than him. Stay with him for the kids? Do you really want your kids to think this sort of treatment is the right way to live? Please move on and get your life on the right track.
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Leave, he will never change, and the trust is gone. Your kids need better role models.
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It is far better to come from a broken home rather than to live in one!
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Too many negatives, drinking, cheating, gaslighting, manipulation. You will drive yourself crazy if you stay. Your kids will have a hard time at first but kids always adjust. Its better than them having a lifetime of abuse towards you in front of thier little innocent faces all thier childhood. It wonāt be easy but you can do it!!!
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Based on what you wrote, your family needs to seek therapy for a number of things including infidelity and alcohol. Alcoholism is a disease and you cannot fix him, he has to put in the work to overcome it. Coming from past experience you have to put in the work to overcome infidelity, he canāt make it up to you or you him by temporarily being wonderful to each other, sure itās a start but you must work through it together with guidance from professionals. Once you "choose " to forgive donāt keep throwing it in each otherās face. Good luck
I bet when you wrote this you was close to tearsā¦the pain of trying to explain the pain your living with. That alone should make you aware of your choicesā¦you really donāt need the group, you already know how you feel and what you want to do.
You took him back he gave you the honey period and went back to being sour. All the crying is fakeā¦itās a way to play on the love you have for him and he knows it. There is so much negatives there but if you want to carrying on keeping up appearances the show must go on - its going to kill you doing this!
But nonetheless the show must go on.
I hope you make the right choice and stop second guessing what you already know and feel.
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I only had one paragraph down before I know that you need to leave. He is very toxic and is just going to continue as long as you let him youāre just going to have to let go to save yourself or keep suffering
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You need to do you I would run if I were you!
The trust issues will never leave you!
U know what to do.
U just felt guilty for choosing ur own peace and self respect cuz that may mean ur kids donāt have both parents under one roof.
Choose to move on
And donāt stay because thatās toxic for u and ur kids seeing a broken marriage is not healthy to keep living being rejected and blamed for things that arenāt your fault.
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I would leave. I know it will hurt. But I would save yourself more pain in the future. It sounds like he wonāt change and the Likely hood of him cheating again is probably pretty high.
He chose someone else, it doesnāt matter how brief. He decided messing around with her was more important than the vows he made to you. That hurts. It may get better, but it will take a long time to move on from that with or without him being understanding. Youāll never forget it and you have a right to discuss it because like you said you have days where it is ALL you think about. If he canāt understand that and is going to get mad about the way you heal, move on. He already showed you were not his first choice, so stop making him yours. It will only hurt you worse. Your kids would be better off with two happy parents apart than they will be with two miserable parents together. Do whatās best for you.
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GO!
Trust me when I say, staying for a āfamilyā or ākidsā is Not the answer!
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Narcissistic. Definitely end it
I made it a 1/3 way though this. Is that the example you want to show your kids? Youāre worth more than the way youāre being treated. You know what to do. 
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Why is it an obviously you want their parents together. This is how toxicity is passed on generation to generation. They see him treat you like s*** cheat on you leave you run off and you just take it and accept him back. Youāre doing more harm than good to your children how do I know? I did it to my kids. When they grow up and you see them pick toxic people that treat them like s*** or they become one of those toxic people that treat their partner like s*** youāll know where they got it from.
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Leave. He doesnāt care about what he did to hurt you. Thatās why he turns it around on you everytime.
Youāve already started to move on, as you should. Nothing will be the same and the whole good, bad and ugly days will just continue. You deserve to be happy and he isnāt any different but you are. Honestly, he did this once and heāll do it again. Iām sure he blames you for his choices, he should go and be āhappyā as well. All the best to you and your children.
Maby you just need time for you and your kids is what it sound like to me ,maby a years seperation you dont nessisarly need a divorce maby just a good long time apart .with parenting plan as to when who gets to see kids ect boundrys .and live by them good luck to you .
Once someone decides to cross the line its an irreversible psychological boundary just like murder, after you cheat you can grovel, cry, beg, and promise all you want but your words are empty because youāve crossed that line in your psychology, if tolerance of that fact is acceptable then stay with him, but have a good supply of tears ready because youāll undoubtedly need them
If youāre wondering I think you know the answer
Yeah if he got away with that then whoo hooo partyās on why not just have an orge and get it all out of your systems . Itās been done already whatās to rehash you either accept it or move on.
Leave. He chose somebody else. She obviously dumped him so he came running back to you. The two of you need to talk the situation out completely to your satisfaction. If youāre going to forgive this in discretion, you wonāt forget it, however you shouldnāt have to keep talking about it. Itās a hard road to let that hurt go
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He will leave you again when he finds someone else, you need to tell him your not in love anymore and stand your ground. If you let him stay he will do it again.
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Divorce. This back and forth is more damaging to you and your kids. Itās not going to change at this point. Do yourself and your children a favor and move forward with your life.
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You are not a second option and your happiness matters. Your kids want to see you happy too. I know itās hard and you want to keep your family together for your kids, but what your kids really want is a happy and loving home, with happy parents. Do what feels right for you, but I highly suspect thatāll be to leave. Maybe start out with marriage counselling to show him that youāre serious and see if heās willing to put in the work.
I feel for you, your situation is awful and must be painful.
This is who he is. Heās being completely honest with you in his actions. You know what heās been doing is wrong and the way he treats you is wrong. Iām happy youāre clear on that.
This is very cut and dry looking from the outside in.
If this is the life that you want and makes you happy, stay with him.
xx
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This is not healthy. He is a master manipulatorā¦ You deserve better Hun. Be an example to your kids. Wow ā¦ He is soooooo narcissistic 
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Staying together for the kids is bullshit. They know a broken marriage or relationship when they see it. But they see you both making it acceptable to be in one.
The only one that will exit the shit show is you.
It doesnāt get better. It doesnāt get easier. Leave FOR your kids and for yourself. Donāt stay. Almost 14 years and counting over here. Comfort isnāt worth losing yourself over. Iām learning this the hard way on a daily basis and my kids are watching me do it and accept it as okayā¦ Leave for them so they know thatās not what a healthy relationship looks like. I wish I could take my own advice, itās easier said then done. Find your strength.
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This sounds so much like my situation with my ex. We are currently in the in the middle of a divorce. We were married 14 years. I took him back as well after the last time he cheated and he was great for a few months as well. Then back to the awful behavior and blaming me and gaslighting. He cheated on me again in July with my cousins wife. And they are currently together. Looking back I wish I had never taken him back and even tried to fix things, because men like this do not change. I put myself through so much needless misery. The only thing I donāt regret from the last 3 years was my son. But in my opinion end it because you will never be happy in the relationship your in because he will not change to be who you want him to be and you shouldnāt live your life miserable trying to always fix things.
He is a typical narcissistic sociopath! You need to get to steppin!
Come on. Why would you question if you should put up with this bs and forcing your kids to for another 12 years. Do yourself and your babies a blessing by leaving his ass behind in your dust.
You need to go. You and your children deserve better. He canāt just go and cheat, live with someone else and come back because it didnāt work and he changed his mind. Doesnāt work like that. He left, there is no coming back from that. Go and work on you, fall back in love with yourself and someone else who will move heaven and earth for you and your children. If you continue, it will just keep happening. File for divorce.
I feel you answered all your questions typing this ā¦
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Set his shit on fire and leave him.
Sounds toxic. You need to go your separate ways
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Leaveā¦ He is not worth it. Plenty of good men out there. Better for you and the kids.
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Wonāt do the kids any good in that hostile environment.
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Heās done it once and will do it againā¦ leave him find someone that treats u better no one deserves that
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This is abuse. Please do your kids a favour and move on as in divorce and provide them a healthy environment jezzz
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Do what you feel in your heart and hit him up for child support for 4 kidās that will slow him down if thatās what you want.
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Heās gas lighting you. Narcissistic people turn everything around and make it look like YOUR to blame. My bf same way. Iāve been youtubing Narcissistic and gaslighting. You should do the same. Run as well. I read a meme today. It said If you feel like you have to be a detective in a relationship, let them go!!! Loss of Respect, Loyalty and Trust is gone. Move forward not backwards. Believe me. Iām in the same boat as you are. Best of luck to both of us.
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Join some narcissist abuse and recovery groups on here. Leave him, or insist he leave if youāre able. This is toxic and wonāt change.
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You canāt love someone enough for the both of you. If heās showing you how he feels listen to that. It most likely wonāt change.
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Show him the door and protect your children from this negative environment
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Heās a narcissist!!
Your in a toxic marriageā¦
Show him the doorā¦
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Why do you want to be so unhappy? Put yourself first. Kick him out. You deserve to be treated with love and respect. Donāt settle for less. You only get one life. Donāt waste it on him.
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Kick him out and never go back
Thlngs will NEVER get better and in the end all you will have is wasted time, like Jennifer said you answered your own question typing this
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Been there honey, 12 years, 2 kids later. Even as far as got the other girl pregnant. You are comfortable in a toxic relationship. You need to remove him out of your life. Itās going to be hard and rough but find yourself hun. Find your smile, Find your laugh, Find your happiness! 
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It sound toxic and not healthy for your child. I say its time to file for divorce and do 50/50
Once the trust has gone forget it you will be better off without him .kids will be happier too without all the rowing
Sounds like my life story
You need to let that go asap! Put him on child support and move on just like he said
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Stop bringing it up then ?? Seriously if you wanna forgive him and let him back then you will have to forgive and forget, you canāt hold onto it otherwise your relationship wonāt work. Maybe you two should do therapy or something
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Kick him to the gutter where he belongs
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He will not change!!! Heās a narcissist! Get out while you can!!
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I didnāt read it all do you and your kids a favour get out he doesnāt deserve a family he will do it again
Take your kids and leave
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Kick Him To The Curbā¦Once A Cheater Alwaysca Cheater. My x at 73 had an affair again on his wife of 32 yearsā¦they never stop.
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Walk away itās mental and emotional abuse ,get your kids out of that situation.
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Yāall need counseling. Without trust there is no point in staying in a relationship.
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I definitely think you need counseling for what heās done to you, but the reason you keep bringing it up is because heās not doing the work. He caused the situation and is trying to pretend like it didnāt happen. Heās going to have to deal with the fact that there will be hard days, especially only six months afterwards. He cheated, then left you for another friend, then promised to work on yāallās marriage and then isnāt going to counseling and making sure he takes the steps. He doesnāt sound worth it, nor does it sound like he has any plans to change. What happened after HE broke the two of you up by cheating is none of his business and the fact that he pretends it is the same means heās taking zero accountability for his actions
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I lived that for 15 years. Itās narcissism and manipulation. You need to leave and not look back. Itās hard, but you can do it. You and your babies deserve happiness. Men like that are miserable with themselves and will never change. My ex husband is an alcoholic and drinks excessively which turned into abuse mentally, physically and emotionally towards me and my children. Once you leave - you will feel like a huge weight has lifted and will take back control of your life! Itās not your place to fix a broken man!!! You got this momma!
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