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Actions speak louder than words. And you can’t help that the situation gets brought up because you’re still hurt. He can’t tell you how to feel and to just “get over it”. It seems like you may never fully trust him again so maybe it’s best to split up 
You already know the answer to this question.
He only acted “right” long enough to try to hook you back again. He didn’t change. You can take as long as you need to feel however you do. You don’t have to ever be okay with it or ever get over it. He made those choices. It’s not him.
It sounds like he’s not really even feeling he did anything wrong,and he’s not willing to do the work to earn your trust back. I’d ask him to try martial therapy with you and see if that helps. In the end if it doesn’t I’d leave him. He created the mess not you.you deserve better.
If you chose to forgive him and take him back…you dont bring up the past.
If you can’t forgive or no longer trust him…you get divorced
Sounds like you both need to move on as there’s no trust on either side.
He did this to your family, and now he is gaslighting you for being hurt. We can’t tell you what’s best for you and your family but I would strongly think about what you want and what example you want for your children. Maybe counseling would be a good start.
You need to go. Your husband is a narcissist. He turns on it around and blames you.
You have lost trust that is also an issue.
P
Start making a plan for an exit with the kids.
Good luck!
He’s a narcissist full stop…only you have the power to end this abuse because he won’t…
Be strong pack his bags for the final time
Sounds like you know what you have to do. It will be hard at first but you’ll get there!
I went through very similar situation, almost 5 years later I’m happier then I have ever been with my children! Still single and loving it.
It was hard but I got there and it was the best thing I ever did 
xx
Sounds like he is water boarding you. I’m sure there is a lot more involved and no one except a trained professional can help you attain the answers you are looking for. I suggest seeking some type of counseling but also ask yourself is this how you want to live your life? Is he worth it?
His side chick went back to her husband and he had nowhere to go. He was good for as long as it took him to get back in your house. He will never change, and it will get worse. File the papers and move on. Life is too short…and your kids shouldn’t have to grow up with a drunk and parents that are miserable with each other.
By allowing him to come back you showed him that he can continually disrespect you and you will put up with it.
Something I eventually learnt the hard way.
Let him go…dont stay together for the kids. …that’s worst on them
Read the book “Why Does He Do That” by Lundy Bancroft. That will help you with the soft spot. Also, I’m two years out from a smoker situation. Leaving was the right choice for me and my child and we have so much peace without him. Life is so much better on the other side even though it’s rough getting here.
He wont change, sis. And staying for the kids…most of time is more toxic to the kids.
I’ve said this a million times, kids are not always better off just because their parents are together. This guy sounds terrible
Youre right, his words are empty… they mean nothing. He manipulated you after breaking your heart … you were vulnerable and he took advantage. Im sorry to tell you but hes not going to change, theres too much damage and you deserve better. Don’t you dare let him make you feel bad about seeking out another man well he was cheating on you for God knows how long with your suppose it friend and then left you for her. Please know youre worthy of so much better. Make him leave, you will heal … and become so much stronger for it.
Leave. They never really change. They’re only sorry when they’re caught. If he was sorry he’d be willing to talk about it and do whatever he could to help you heal. Sounds like a narcissistic Gaslighting C*nt to me.
If someone has a drinking problem they don’t need to slow down they need to STOP
You will never be able to get over this. You need to leave his no good, cheating, drunk a$$!
Look up Narcissists and prepare to have your mind blown 
. I’m really sorry you are going through this! Knowing what you’re dealing with will help. Your feelings are valid.
it would be easier without him
You live one life. It’s up to you to choose what you’re willing to tolerate. To me, this isn’t worth saving. He gaslights you, and is in active addiction. He won’t change. Choose your happiness.
Why stay with someone who has told you every way he can that he does not love or respect you? For your own mental health and welfare - move on
As a woman who stayed “for the kids” RUN! My kids are a mess because I stayed in the toxicity! Let them love Dad from another home, let Dad have his life and you go get one too!
It is never worth the abuse or “comfortability” to keep your family together. He’s a narc and he is not going to change. And should you decide to leave him or move on with your life he will do a 180 but just know that 180 is only to reel you back in, it’s to control you, it’s not because he gives a damn. Love yourself. Take care of yourself and your kids. You don’t deserve the crap he is shoveling. And what you did with anyone else is none of his business. He will throw that in your face until the day you die because it diverts from all his wrong doings.
I’m not judging you but honestly if you were able to sleep with someone else while he was gone I believe the love is lost and if there is no trust then the marriage is over trust is the most important thing in a relationship plus it sounds like he doesn’t deserve you I’ve been where you are you will know when it’s over it’s over
Cheating is a deal breaker for me. Huge nope. If they cheat they simply don’t love you. Literally I don’t see one reason why you should stay in the relationship
Leave….if the parents aren’t happy together the kids won’t be either.
Girl get in counseling and get your children in counseling this is a very toxic relationship if you filed for divorce did you follow through with it it seems like you keep going back for more get a divorce do not stay together for the children this kind of behavior is worse than if you would just get divorced and try to co-parent
It won’t change, try to get out asap
Run narc red flags you need to get out of that relationship an stay out. Staying together for the kids does more harm then good . I was with a narc / addict for 2 yrs they never change
He cheated. Get rid of him
Girl come on leave and never turn back
If you keep bringing it up you you truly haven’t forgave him… and trying to move forward… if your fights turn into that it’s clear you two can’t get over it and that’s not healthy… as for his drinking only he can change that only he can decide he wants to… It Sounds like you made your decision but want it validated. Do what’s best for you
Nothing is going to change you’re dealing with a NARCISSIST. You need a better example of a HEALTHY relationship for your children. You deserve TRUE happiness 
Staying for the illusion of a happy family will serve no one.
Run as far away as possible he is no good
you did not do the same thing…hes a narcissist GO and go fast… cheating a deal breaker …he fucked and moved in with your friend …this man is garbage …throw it out
Don’t buy what anyone else is selling about their own divorce. It’s going to be sad and messy sometimes. That doesn’t mean it’s not the best thing for you. When you hurt someone you don’t get to say that you didn’t and you don’t get to decide how they pick up the pieces. He obviously doesn’t want to get that and he obviously doesn’t want to grow. Let him go.
Set a positive example for your children by leaving. Everyone deserves happiness and peace in their lives. Show them you know your worth and theirs.
Omg move on. Won’t be happy unless you do. My ex husband cheated and it hurt but it’s life and I moved on and will be with my current husband 25 yes in March. So figure things out and leave this narcissistic toxic man.
Just because he cheated did not give you the right to. You need to think about your kides and how this all effects them
So you took him back even though he cheated so you can either not bring it up at all anymore and try and work on your relationship. Move past it all, clean slate. Or if you can’t stop yourself and if you can’t forgive him at all then it’s time to let him go, it might be hard but youd be probably better off and stress free. And your not in the wrong for sleeping with someone because he left you, it’s not the same as he did.
Would you want your daughter to stay with a man like that? That is exactly what she is learning to do, except abuse! Leave!
I made a support group for survivors of DV and those who are still going through it as well if anyone is interested in joining.
Nooo, please let it go for your sake and kid’s sake. It will only get worse and the abuse might turn to physical…
Cheat back then tell him to get over it🤷
Staying in a toxic relationship is worse for you kids than being a single parent . They need to know that it’s not okay to be treated like that and that it’s OK to know your worth and to set healthy boundaries and that when those boundaries get broken you move on for your on wellbeing
I think deep down you know what you want. I known did. back then but I was so scared and nervous. If what you want is to try everything first before ending such a long relationship you have every right to do so. I strongly suggest seeking out some counseling. Not just for you both as a couple but also individually. Sometimes it can help you sort out your feelings to find out what you truly want 
I will never again be the one trying while he is holding on to our marriage and looking for something better. It sucks, but move on. You deserve better.
Girl you know your worth more then he’s sorry arse! Remember he came back to YOU not the other way round! You deserve more x
Let me start by saying I know it’s not easy, but if you’re going to forgive him that means you FORGIVE him. That means never bringing it and letting it go for the both of you. If you can’t do that then it’s time to move on and this is for YOUR sake, not his. There is no need for you to live with hurt in your heart. So either forgive and move on or don’t. Either way you will be better off for it.
As for his drinking and behavior that would be cause for me to leave!
You are better than that
Well for one you took him back, when you did that you shouldn’t have brought up what happened. Either you forgive or you don’t. Only chance you have is counseling, if that doesn’t work then it’s definitely over.
Move on find your happiness
i already know the answer tbh he’s manipulating you & he already cheated, time to leave
He sounds like a narcissistic piece of shit. Move on and be happy.
LEAVE. That sounds like a narcissist babe. You deserve better and your kids deserve the best
This whole situation is TOXIC. Not just for you but for the kid(s) involved. I say move on, get away from him. You can do better and you deserve so much more
My best friend had a situation similar to this. It lasted about a year and then she just fell out of love with him. Maybe it just had to be on your terms.
I’d been gone when he cheated. Like toodaloo Mfer 
.
So you slept with someone else while still legally married, just like he did,and you put all the blame on him and throw things in his face… you BOTH need counseling or divorced.
Your relationship is toxic. That’s no way to live. Don’t use your kids as the excuse to stay. It’s a terrible one. No one will be happy in that situation. If you’re really worried about the kids they will be just fine. A happy home is the best home. A miserable home is no place for kids. Move on. You can be happy. Life is short. You don’t wanna look back when your older with regrets of staying and wasting so much time with the wrong person that you never have time to find the right one. You don’t want the kids looking back and saying there was only screaming and fighting in my house growing up and no love.
Just go. Move on like he told you to.
Please read up on narcissism and narcissistic abuse. Read as much as you can on it. Knowledge is power.
I don’t have many words of advice, but I can offer you words of encouragement.
You deserve to be happy. Please know that you are very much worthy, regardless of how he has made you feel. Sending many good vibes your way. 
Leave, let go and move on.
I say. If you took him back you needed to leave that behind. If you took him back just to bring it up everyday now you become the problem. You chose to accept it but yet you want to make every day a living hell. You can’t expect to get your butt kissed everyday for forgiveness. You see, now you want what you never got from the start from him. It is not going to happen.
someone who broke your heart should be patient enough to “heal” it. doesn’t sound like he cares to do that. doesn’t sound like he cared at all considering the bs he put you through. seems like you are better off without him.
If you took him back then you should drop it. Not forget but don’t bring it up. A marriage can survive after cheating but it sounds as maybe you haven’t forgiven him completely. You also stepped out even though he told you to move on. Sounds like if you both can’t move past this then you totally should be separate
Never get back with someone unless you have forgiven them and don’t need to bring it up.
Narcissistic behaviour , I’d leave right now
Wooooooo Idk if I could forgive that. I guess it’s really up to you, but I think if there’s a chassis you should try. He needs to be more understanding though, and he actually needs to do the work to repair the giant gap HE created. Perhaps therapy would be best.
I say move on. That situation is usually a never ending cycle… I know by experience because of my parents. They unfortunately keep being in that same exact cycle 30 years later. 
Hes childish, just go.
I went through the exact same thing. He never had sex with anyone but he was about too, never went through with it. Sent pics, got pics, etc. It destroyed me for years. My husband was like yours, about 3 months after he got mad when I brought it up and told me I need to move on, try to forgive and forget. After hearing that a few times I haven’t put up with it since. I got stronger because of it. I told him that if he thinks he can cheat on me and not deal with the responsibility of that then he can get out of the fuc*ing door, I never let him manipulate me in that way again.
Moral of the story is, do NOT let yourself be manipulated by him. Buck up and don’t put up with what he says, fight back, make him realize what he did to you, you can’t get over in a month, you can’t even get over it in a year even two. By the 3rd year, that’s when you’re mending your relationship. You need to tell him what’s up, if you’re staying with him. If he doesn’t change, kick him out and let him know that’s what you will do if he doesn’t try and doesn’t stop.
Ewwww, why do you want to be with this guy? He sounds awful. Don’t stay for the kids, you all deserve better. Going back to an ex is like trying to stick poop back in your butt imo
Kick his ass out and go thru with the divorce he is never going to change! It will only get worse!
You’re staying because it’s comfortable… I did the same thing. My ex husband cheated on me and I took him back… then he started messing around again… Even then I tried to work it out… I was so dumb… He was my first serious relationship… We were together ten years and married for 5. I was comfortable… and scared to be with anyone else… 
… love yourself and move on.
I dont think yall need to be together. Number 1, cheating is always wrong no matter who did it first. Number 2, if he is drinking that much, says he’ll change and doesn’t? That’s an alcoholic and he needs more help than you’ll be able to offer.
“… because it’s comfortable.”
But ask yourself this: Are you comfortable?
The definition of comfortable reads:
“(of a person) physically relaxed and free from constraint”
“not in pain”
“free from stress or fear”
I understand what you’re saying. I’ve been there too. It’s not comfortable, it’s routine. You can break it. You’d be surprised how comfortable you really feel on the other end of that kind of routine.
If it hasn’t changed, it won’t. Stop giving chances to someone else. Give chances to yourself. You are stronger than you realize.
Trust me.
Take a long hard look at what your marriage is. My 1st husband did the same to me many years ago, the best thing I ever did was file for divorce, which shocked him, but I went thru with it, we had 3 kids, but that was the best thing I had ever done. I am now in my last years (81 yrs old), and still believe I did what was best. Your best yrs could be ahead of you, if you believe he will change, get counseling, it might work for your family, otherwise change what will be BEST for YOU.
He will never change period.
Been there done that your marriage will NEVER be the same again you’ll always wonder is going to leave again or cheat even if he comes home 10 mins late in ur mind he’s cheating time to move on !!!
Have some self respect!
I would say move on but if you don’t please look into Al-anon either in your area online or over the phone. It will help
Baby you need to leave and never look back
I think you got back together too soon after what he did. You need to take a step back and process everything and to figure out what you really want for yourself FIRST. The rest will fall in place.
For this to work you have to forgive him…and I mean really forgive him. You can’t patronize him or bring it up constantly. Marriage counseling would good place to start. I think there is still a lot of anger regarding the situation and rightfully so. He also needs to take ownership and forgive himself. The fact that he responds to you in anger, it hurts him and he jumps on the defense and reverses it onto you- just to justify his choices and make himself feel better. Trust rebuilding will take time…and that is what it is, he also needs to understand this and walk the line but he shouldn’t have to walk the line and constantly be reminded how he f***ed up. It’s going to take work just as marriage does. If neither of you are willing to go the extra steps to try to rectify the past and move forward then there is no point. If this is the path and for the sake of the kids you two need to split as respectfully as possible and choose to move forward that way but as co parents. Sending you strength in whatever direction you guys take but a marriage counselor will definitely be able to better guide you
Time to leave. If not for yourself then your children because these poor innocent children are living in a toxic environment which isn’t fair to them whatsoever.
Put it on the altar. God is telling you to let this thing go. Put your marriage on the altar and leave it there. Let it stay there for a while and work on yourself never expecting to pick it back up. God wants to give you time to heal and become more and you can’t move forward with him dragging you down. God will tell you when to pick it back up or if you need to leave it there for good and move on. I hope this helps
From reading your post I don’t think your ever going to get over him cheating, he has a drinking problem and your not ok with that ( I don’t blame you) he has no intention of changing especially when he twists everything around and says it’s your fault, tell him to move out so you can move on with your life. Of course you will always love him, you have 4 children together, it doesn’t mean your still in love with him.
Don’t let his saying you did the same thing to you cause it was not the same . He was no longer with you as a husband and he told you to move on . You did not cheat on him in my eyes. Get a GOOD lawyer who is for you snd your kids and Divorce him . TOXIC
He is going to have to quit drinking before you even have a chance if not you are going to start resenting him every time he drinks and will keep leading you back to the same spot. The other thing is if you decide to stay you have a window that this issue can be brought up but eventually the window needs to be closed but unfortunately that hurt will still be there for a long time.
Pls leave he is not sorry something just happened to where he had to come back maybe bc girl broke it off so your his back up …nope some one does you that dirty then they owe you the rest of y’all’s life making it up and especially not making you feel like shit about it
If y’all are doing the forgive and forget method then it should not be brought up at all and if it still eats at you like that then you need to move on.
Why bring it up if u cant get over it u need to leave him. U said forgive and forget