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QUESTION:
"My sister and husband have been married for 16 years. They were good the first 8. My brother in law is a good guy. Then things started to go south. My sister cheated on her husband and had a bf (a married man) a few years ago and he found out and she swore it was over. They tried to work on their marriage but nothing really happened. They got a little better but still bad. Her husband has suffered from depression in the past as well. Come to find out my sister and her bf never broke up. All of her kids know about the boyfriend and she even brings the kids around the boyfriend. However, her husband doesn’t know. Now to top it off - the oldest, she is 14 - just saw a doctor and is depressed bc she has to keep so many secrets my sister tells her and can’t handle the pettiness between my sister and her husband. Do I tell my sisters husband about her bf? Or do I mind my business even though it is affecting the kids…."
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"Since it’s affecting the kids, I would tell him. There’s no reason that your sister needed to involve the kids, let alone make them lie for her. No offense since it’s your sister, but he needs to leave her. He already has depression, living like that will not help it. There’s gonna be two people, the ones who will say back your sister up and the other saying to tell him. I say tell him. Him. & your nieces / nephews deserve better."
"I would say something only cause it’s affecting the children at this point."
"How about you tell your Sister if she doesn’t come clean you will do it for her!!!"
"Def tell her if she doesn’t tell him you will! When the kids health is now being affected, she’s WRONG. And needs to know that."
"I would say something because now it’s affecting the kids. Not just emotionally but also mentally. Children shouldn’t have to carry their parents secrets like this."
"Wow she involved the kids in her affair. Tell him. Then he needs to get the kids therapy"
"It’s affecting the kids, time to tell him. They shouldn’t be carrying the burden for their mom. Not fair to the kids."
"I’d tell him. Those babies shouldn’t have to suffer nor does anyone deserve to be cheated on. If he knows and he’s ok with it awesome, if not, at least he then knows. Plus can get the kids some help and or work something out with your sister so it’s not negatively impacting the kids."
"That’s a complicated one but what I would do first is confront your sister as to what you know about what’s going on. Have her explain the details if she is willing to and have her see how the actions that are going on are affecting the kids. I feel like the husband still has his suspicions if he doesn’t already know what’s going on. Good luck"
"Tell him. Especially with her involving their children. That is wrong on so many levels."
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