My question to you ladies is this… do you stay places past your toddler bed time for special occasions like Christmas dinner/ Christmas get together ? My son is 2.5 and gets up around 5:30-6 am… He doesn’t nap during the day, and I put him down at 8 pm. Tonight my husband says, “we’re not leaving Christmas dinner at my brothers early, just so you know.” Going on to say how he feels like we always leave early and “4 hours isn’t long enough for me because I like to be around people and socialize.” For me, seeing as how we’re getting there at 4, I don’t see why it would be a big deal to leave around his bedtime. I told him maybe he should try to put his child before his own wants. Our son will be exhausted by about 7, but he doesn’t care because he wants to socialize? It sounded selfish to me because once you have kids, it’s not always about you and your wants. I want to add that our son has autism, and I think 4 hours of a social gathering would be enough for him as it is. Am I overthinking? Is he right, about making an exception because ‘it’s Christmas’?
I do find exceptions to the rules. I think holidays would be that… why not see if he will lay down where you are if you see him getting tired
I know someone who has autism and sometimes when a routine is broken it can be worse. So your S.O should really put his child’s needs first.
Yes. Once in awhile is fine. That’s asinine to always be home before 8
Take a pack and play and stick to the routine.
Or talk something out with your husband.
If you feel it will completely throw your child off you have to do what’s best for them.
Or drive separately and leave so you can be home to put your little one to bed. Just some ideas:)
There is no where for your son to sleep where you are going? Take his jammies and make it an adventure. 1 day past his bedtime isn’t going to throw off his sleep pattern. Pick your battles
We go anyways because no matter what time we leave our daughter will ALWAYS fall asleep in the car and be up for a few hours after we get home because of that “nap”
Regularly I try and get my kids home for their bedtimes. However I have always made exceptions for special occasions, holidays etc and stayed out later.
Maybe not popular opinion but my life doesn’t stop just because I have kids
I make exceptions for holidays and family get togethers. Always have.
You know your child and how he will react. If you child can’t handle being up past a certain time, why put yourself through that hell at someone else’s house? Maybe drive separate or tell your husband to find a ride home.
Its Christmas always an exception or family event.
Considering Covid I’d use that as an excuse and stay home. Tell him to go alone and stay as long as he’d like.
My daughter has autism so i understand the struggle. Maybe take 2 cars so u can leave when need be.
My kids always did poorly at that age with staying up too late. The entire next day or two would be miserable. Our families are close enough that we always took 2 cars and I would typically leave with the kid/kids when it got too late. I had no problem keeping them up a little later but some kids just don’t tolerate it well and mine didn’t. Maybe there’s some room for compromise in there?
Your kid is a priority over his socializing. Maybe take separate cars and leave his “socializing ass” there?
We do for special occasions… I’m sure your son will be having fun as well. One day of going to bed later than 8 will be fine. He most likely will sleep in
I think instead of starting a fight you can just see how the night goes with your child? Also why dont you drive a separate car assuming you have 2 or he could take you home if child isnt doing well and he can go back. Sounds like dad really wants to be with his family and have fun. His needs ALSO matter. Easy solution take 2 cars if you dont want to stay as late ?
First kid?? Stay. Have fun.
I think keeping your child on a set schedule makes them more upset when there is a variation in their schedule. I think family time should be more important than a set bedtime.
I have stayed later than my sons bedtime before but it’s usually for special occasions. He usually falls asleep in the car and when we get home he’s so tired we quickly change into pj’s and he’s right back asleep. My son has autism as well and tolerated it fine. But you know your kid best and if you think it’s a bad idea and don’t want to test it out then stand your ground
My son is now older. But I most definitely made exceptions and stayed places larger than mmt son’s bedtime. I usually tried to get him to nap that day though.
Depends on your child mine will usually (or at least used to) sleep in a pack and play so we just out them down and moved them when we were ready to leave.
You definitely SHOULD NOT switch up your sons routine in my opinion, autistic kids excell and function best on a schedule.
Yes and take them a bath there lol so if the fall asleep I don’t have to worry
Leave him at his brothers and take your baby home I would.
I dont see the harm in trying to be flexible because of the holiday but he has to understand if it’s not gonna work.
I think you’re being reasonable. I plan alot around my toddler’s schedule with occasional exceptions but my toddler isn’t autistic either.
Yes I do but if I know it’ll b a pain in the ass for us I’d leave him there to Uber home after he socializes. I love sleeping
We just go with the flow and if it gets late , we put our kid in pjs and he usually falls asleep in the car. Its important to socialize but if your kid acts up around his bedtime and it makes it difficult then I would just leave
Can you attempt a nap that day? I think holidays are events are special occasions. You can’t expect to be home for 8pm every night. Could you drive separately knowing that he would like to stay later than you?
I was always prepared to drive separately so the kids and I could go home when they’ve had enough. I have always been the one to deal with the kids so once the crankiness set in I was ready to take them home. There’s no rules that say because he wants to stay that everyone stays.
I would have my kids nap before going or since it’s family they usually had a place where they could lay down until we were ready to go home.
I come from a big family full of kids. If they get sleepy we usually have a quiet room to put the playpen. Not a big deal. Family connections, especially right now, seem to be important to your husband. Yes, you are a mom, but you are a wife too and need to remember his needs too. Your kid will be just fine one night. And if he isn’t, take another car so you can leave
Yes, put PJ’s on before leaving, if he didnt fall asleep there he always fell asleep on ride home and we carried him to bed…never scheduled our time around our childs… may be a sign of bad parenting on our part but our lives stayed pretty much the same even after we had a child. Only time we changed anything up was if he was sick really bad, otherwise he rolled right along with us and did what we did. Surely a few nights out of the year a child can slip out of routine without it ruining their life…
Take 2 cars and when your baby is ready to go for his routine leave.
Your child having autism has nothing to do with it at this point his a baby … you time out his socializing now he will not be able to handle it as he gets older … let your husband spend time with his family one day of messing up the baby’s routine isnt going to hurt anything
You can do what we’ve always done… put your child down for bed in a separate room and when you’re ready to leave, you load them up in the car
Autism changes everything. My daughter has ASD, and her routine is not something to be messed with just for a holiday. I am staying home with my daughter Christmas Eve because she has to be in bed- in her bed- at her bedtime.
We have stayed out past the kids’ bedtime. I bathe the kids before heading out and they usually knock out on the way home. That way, when we get home I can just transfer them to bed.
Nope. My kids had strict schedules and routines during the week but on weekends when we would visit with family or friends, or special occasions…or really any time we were out and enjoying ourselves…the schedule was super flexible. I think its important to teach kids to have some flexibility and to be able to adjust in changes in routines and schedules sometimes. Life happens and you have to be able to roll with the punches.
If my kids were really tired we’d put them down to bed where we were. No biggie.
As an Autism parent myself, I see you have 3 options:
- Put your foot down and tell the hubs the kid comes first.
- Take two cars or make a plan with someone else in the family to drive hubs home so you can take the car and stay on your kid’s schedule.
- Just don’t go and let hubs fly solo.
I’ve always done option 2 and 3. In fact, option 3 has been the only one lately.
I will not go or cancel plans if they extend more than an hour after my daughters bed time. No one is going to have a good time if this child is tired
Really. Its Christmas. Relax a little. A later night is not gonna damage the child.
My son is ten and we still honestly we avoid being out past his bed time at like all cost but special occasions it’s not that serious for us and while we try to still be home by bedtime it’s okay if we aren’t.
It is one night! It is one late bedtime. Your child will be fine
It’s one day out of the year! Get over it
My daughter will take naps at her families house as I am there but then again I don’t have a strict bedtime for her but she does goes to sleep before 11pm every night
Maybe try and have him take a nap so this way he won’t be so tired
I feel like 4 hours is long enough. Getting an over tired child to sleep is so difficult. Also I can only imagine him having autism make it worse if he is fighting his sleep at this point. If you want to leave your husband should respect that.
I mean it depends, maybe bring separate cars. Or bring a pack & play put him down in the other room.
Idk Everyone is different and a lot of autistic children need steady routines or it’s an absolute nightmare.
My youngest (1.5) if we’re gunna be out late, I push his nap back and don’t let him go down at noon, instead he will go down at like 2:30, then I know we’re good to stay out later.
I would totally say take two vehicles. We do this often🤷🏻♀️ I’m big on bedtime routine staying the same and although I agree that one night won’t hurt I’m still on your side for wanting to be home on time.
We add an hour to bedtime for special occasions or special family get togethers.
If my guys get tired while we are out they will just sleep where we are or fall asleep in the truck on the way home. He could wear himself out and you all get some great sleep that night.
With my son we could always stay out late and it wouldn’t be a problem , my youngest needs to go to bed when she’s tired and i try my best to make sure she’s home by 730-8 , we do sometimes stay out later if she’s had a nap or in really good spirits . maybe see how it goes and leave once he starts getting cranky
I couldn’t care what day it is. It’s your child and unfortunately you will be the one to deal with an overtired child. Take separate cars and leave when you see fit. A child that young doesn’t understand that it is just one day. Look after yourself mentally and physically. I personally would leave to put him to bed
My 3 yr old has autism and if my s/o and I plan something past her bedtime we just take 2 different cars and I leave early. Your family should understand. Also, it is just 1 night. It shouldn’t really hurt anything if y’all decide to stay.
Autistic kids dont cope with change, obviously those saying get over it have no idea, do what i did tell him ok but when your son is tired and upset you will leave with or without him.
We make exceptions for events like Christmas.
Drive separate so you can take the kid home and he can stay as long as he wants.
I am pretty strict about nap and bedtimes. Your son only sleeps 10 hours a night and no nap which is already 4 hours below what a toddler needs (recommended is 11-14 hours).
My son is also 2 and sleeps 9 pm- 9 am with a 2 hour nap in the day. Nothing gets in the way of his bed time or nap time or it takes days to get back into routine!
As long as he participates in taking care of the kids, I dont see the problem. It is one day. However, if you are left to parent the grumpy, tired child all by yourself while he socializes, then that simply isn’t fair and you are justified.
My kids will adapt if I needed them to for special occasions
We did (pre Covid) but our kids are night owls anyways. Never any issues the next day.
Tell him to drive his self and u take the kids home when u want problem solved
Maybe suggest hosting at your place next year so your routine doesn’t have to change and you can both socialize.
Nope. My kids bedtime is 8pm, too. I don’t have a significant other, but if I did…too bad take separate vehicles or have someone bring me and the kids or him home. Cuz guess who has to deal with their bratty self’s the next day? Mom (usually). Plus after 8pm is MY time whether I choose to spend it with someone else (significant other) or alone
I’m sure there’s a quiet bedroom you could put your son down in to sleep while you continue to socialize. I’ve done this countless times. I arrange ahead of time for the child to be able to lay down if they get tired or fall asleep. Might be something to consider. Or take separate cars. You and your child can leave early, then your husband can leave when he’s done. Family is important so I can see his want to stay and socialize on occasions such as Christmas.
Let the kid fall asleep on you and put them in a relative’s room or couch. Its 1 day. Either that or drive seperate and leave.
My kids don’t have bed times on Christmas day and new years eve
Autism is the difference maker. All kids thrive off of routine, and structure but for children with ASD structure is vital to health and happiness. Take two vehicles, but also have a conversation with your husband about how/ why your child’s schedule is so very important to their well-being. Also with our family we usually show up early before everyone else does so that we can leave earlier too!!
It’s one night, it won’t kill you
My families Christmas Eve doesn’t end until 11 and when my son was younger I stayed until everyone else left. I would either go lay him down in the other room or he’d stay awake from all the excitement. My suggestion…take 2 vehicles if you have them
Ride separately and leave before him. He is being incredibly selfish and inconsiderate to not only your child, but to you as well. I’m sure you’re the one to deal with him when he gets over tired and fussy. Bedtime routine and times are very important for toddlers in my opinion… I wouldn’t stay much later than his bedtime.
As long as he helps with grumpy child🤷🏻♀️ My son(4) gets over stimulated very easily (we’re going to get evaluated to see if we need to do further testing for autism) and by the time he gets grumpy and tired and just done with people, my husband is also ready to go because he knows it will just get worse the longer we stay.
Stay and after 7:30ish, disappear and let your husband have the child for the rest of the night.
My younger brother is autistic. We either go home at his bedtime or if it’s at a place he knows then we set up a little area for him to sleep in but even that can be a problem because they have to wake up a little to go home. And having a set schedule is very important for kids on the spectrum. Your kids well being is more important than your husbands need to socialize. Drive separately.
Tell him to drop you and your kid off at home and he can go back…
Isn’t there any place for your son to lay down there?
Take two cars (if you are a two car household), leave when you need too! Overtired toddlers are the worst! I always keep my kids on their schedule because I have hell go pay otherwise, plus my social meter will absolutely run out within 4 hours. Do what you feel is best, if he wants to stay and socialize then that’s cool he totally can, but you can keep your toddler in their routine and have some piece of mind.
On special occasions there is no bedtime. At 2.5 my kids would be going down for quiet time, especially before a special event.
I make the exception if the kids cooperate. If they’re all tired as hell and grumpy and neither you or your kid is enjoying themselves, pack up and go. Leave your husband there if he doesn’t want to leave. Your child comes first point blank
It’s one night. It sounds like it means a lot to your husband so I’d do it.
Yeah, some how we would be driving home seperatly. Or he can deal with a cranky baby when yall get home. I understand its the holidays, but you still have to pick and choose your battles.
I get where your coming from. My son has autism and routine is key but we do sometimes break his bed time but I agree it is not a good thing to do because it can throw him off.
Take your own car and leave when you are ready, that’s what I would do.
What y’all are forgetting is this sweet baby has autism. 4 hrs is probably enough of people for him and he may only be able to sleep at home. My daughter doesn’t have autism and she gets incredibly uncomfortable after hours of being around people. And she certainly won’t fall asleep at someone’s house.
Daddy needs to toughen up and realize once you have babies you dont always get to do what you want.
My kiddo doesn’t have a bedtime. Just depends what we’re doing that day
Your child should be taking naps lol. Make him take a nap during the day.
Special occasions deserve flexibility
That should be enough socializing should think about the child
Tell your husband that you respect his feelings and will see how it goes. If your son becomes too much while there, make the decision then, to leave.
It is Christmas. Enjoy it! And let your family do the same! If child is tired enough, he will fall asleep. They won’t be little forever. Let them enjoy a late night
I understand your concern and your husband’s point. If your child is always in bed at 8 then he should have no problem sleeping at someone else’s house for a little while, or napping. It’s only one day and sometimes there are more important things than routine. It’s been a hard year, maybe spending a little more time with family is worth getting home late.
It’s one night. Life happens. I’m sure it won’t be the ONLY time your child doesn’t go to bed at 8.
Take two cars.
I don’t see how he’s being selfish. Make arrangements for you and child to get home if hubs wants to continue socializing. I’m assuming his brother’s home isn’t too far away from yours, either get someone to bring hubs home later and drive home or have someone bring you and child home earlier, if you don’t have separate vehicles and you don’t drive.
I think you both need to be flexible. I’m the one who usually feels like you and feel like the bad guy always trying to keep schedule and put the kids first, however sometimes you need to put forth the effort to make your partner happy. It is a special occasion after all. Why not give it a try and just see how it goes. Think about what you can do ahead to make it easier on your child. Hopefully your husband will appreciate and notice the effort and your child can adapt.
Take two cars. You leave so you get home for bedtime. Schedules are important for autistic kids. (any kid, really) If you don’t have two cars im sure someone else can drop him off later. Your Kid is #1 ,im sorry your husband doesn’t feel that way. Good luck little Momma!