Yeah hea being selfish… Tell him to drive separate. We always leave at or before bed time. Latest was 30 min past bedtime and I hated that.
We take the pack and play with us and put her down wherever we are! But also, it’s important for your husband to spend time with his family. Maybe you could drive separately if a pack and play is out of the question?
Take 2 vehicles. Or put your child to bed there and move when you leave?
Fuck him. SN kiddos come first. Maybe he can just spend the night like a child to get his socializing in. Autistic meltdowns aren’t the same as a cranky kid, it can affect everyone for days. Not to mention the screwed up schedule that will need to be fixed and the meltdowns that a fucked up schedule will cause? If he isn’t gonna parent then he doesn’t get a say in how long you and kiddo stay.
There’s a lot of people in here giving advice for an autistic kiddo that don’t know what they’re talking about. For a lot of people with autism they need the schedules and routines to go thru their day. Changing the schedule will cause meltdown and other things. This kid prob isn’t getting reg services/therapies either due to covid and like most 4yo can’t process and understand their big feelings
I am very much a scheduled person and that includes bed times my kids are getting older so I’m a bit more flexible but if my husband wants to stay I take the kids home and he stays and has a family member drop him off later or we take 2 cars I am the parent 24/7 and I have to deal with the kids all day and night and my children need sleep and if they don’t get it the next day is a write off and my husband doesn’t help so I stick to routine but that also being said if bed time is 8 and maybe you stay till 8:30 that would be okay you do what’s best for you and your child
We are flexible when it comes to stuff like this… Maybe once he has a meltdown or two he will change his mind. I would let him have the meltdowns just so i can look at my SO and say i told you so
I don’t think he is being selfish at all. It’s Xmas. usually we go out for Xmas dinner and stay late or sleepover and my kids would stay up. One night shouldn’t be a big drama. Why should the kids get all the fun lol
. Go separately so you can take your child and leave when you need to for your son. If separate vehicles isn’t an option ask him to plan on some one else bringing him home. Or he can call Uber.
My husband is a social butterfly and I’m the one who always wants to leave early. We have a 2 year old and a 1 year old. We decide before we even go how late we are staying if it’s going to be past the children’s bedtimes, we let them take a later nap. We also will let the kids attitudes dictate when we leave. If they are having a good time and aren’t running their eyes and having tantrums, we will stay until the agreed upon time, but if the attitudes start, we begin packing it up earlier.
Honestly I get both sides. And I would go by how your son is doing. If he is acting cranky or something make sure your husband sees it so he will understand
Okay so on the husband thing, yeah that’s dumb I’d drive separately but why is your child awake so long with no nap? They need much more sleep than that at 2.5, at least 12-16 hours is the healthy norm.
If your child gets to cranky I would A take him home leave the hubby to hangout B put him down to sleep if their is somewhere available
COVID-19 and child with autism = your family shouldn’t be going out socializing anyway. Too much to risk. Just my opinion
Ask for a bedroom to borrow for your son lay down and have quiet time with your kiddo
I would just take your son home and leave your husband there he can have a family member take him home. Otherwise your going to be dealing with a overly cranked kid and tjats going to lead to tantrums that your going to have to deal with. If he wants to stay later that’s fine. But make it clear to him you and your son will be leaving and he will need to find another way home.
Can you and your child come home and he make his own way home? I can see both sides to the story.
Girl just pack his jammies and change his clothes when you are ready. You can do what you are comfortable with 1. Go lay down with him in a quiet bedroom area until he is asleep 2. Let him visit in his cute jammies and climb in laps and fall asleep in someone’s arms. They are all family and it’s all memories. I’ve done both with 3 boys as a Military Wife back on the day.
We always allowed later bedtimes for special occasions and if they get tired put them down in one of the quiet rooms till you leave. I Don’t see the issue for special occasions like holidays. Would you feel the same if it was for you family’s holiday?
Drive separate or put your son down to sleep in another room until he’s ready to leave.
First things first he should be taking a nap. That’s a LONG time for a little kid to be up. I stay late at friends/family’s places and even if we’re going out to eat but both my boys can handle it. I would say maybe try bringing a pack and play (if he fits) and if your son has any special bedtime things (lights/stuffies or blankets/ portable white noise machine) trying to get him to sleep there? And if it doesn’t work at least you tried
Cant he sleep where your going?
Drive separate cars…he can stay…yall can go…the family should understand yalm leaving due to his bedtime…shouldn’t be a big deal…
If your sons comfortable on the day stay a little longer if it suits but be prepared to take him home n leave ur hubby there if he wants to socialize with his family its Xmas n with kids compromising is a huge part of it especially with a child with autism but find a way to solve it.
Yep kids sleep anywhere even put a rug in the corner
Let it work itself out. In my mind only a few things will happen either
A. Kid will throw a tantrum and Dad will learn a lesson
B. Kid might surprise you and be fine
C. Dad will get bored before anyone else and want to go. They THINK they want to stay our partying but in reality they dont
I also agree with others that a 2.5 year old autism child needs a nap. 2 5 year olds almost always needs a nap and then you add the extra calories autism holds and you are begging for a cranky kid. Autism kids tend to move constantly as their ways to self soothe. This can cause them to crash hard.
Covid pandemic party Don’t even go end of story
For Christmas dinner we don’t leave for the kids bedtime. I do bring pjs and I do put them on them after dinner but we stay and enjoy the festivals with family.
I’d bring a separate car and leave at his bedtime. I know structure and routine is very important to those with autism and being awake from 5am-8pm is already along time.
Your husband doesn’t sound very supportive of your son and his needs, or of you. Does your husband also do bedtime routine with your son or does it fall solely on you?
Also, pandemic surges all over. Stay home and have a nice dinner, cozy evening with your household .
My child usually gets like 12 hours of sleep she goes to bed late and gets up late so staying out isn’t usually a problem for us but she’ll usually fall asleep wherever we are. Since your son has autism its different so I would personally take seperate cars so you can leave whenever you need to!
This will effect him for days because his routone/schedule will be off. Kids with autism relate everything they do to there environment and 4 hours of family talking touching sights and sounds would definitely be long enough. O would definitely look at leaving your husband there for the night and picking up in the morning. If its more of a your responsibility too trade him new year get a sitter and both go out xxx if possible good luck x
We don’t stay out anywhere past 7 for our little one. That is when his down time starts and is a very routine set kiddo if we do he’s off for days and so grumpy. If he’s going to be selfish I recommend taking 2 cars so you can leave and take care of your babies
Usually no but for things like Christmas I’d always just see how the kid was going, if they got tired and cranky we went home but a lot of the time they’re having too much fun to care
My son is also 2.5 and is also autistic and doesn’t nap during the day because of school and aba therapy. I don’t like keeping him out past bedtime. As you know a regular routine is so important for kids on the spectrum so in my opinion I’d try not to deter from his normal bedtime as he will most likely be extra exhausted from all the extra stimulation from the event.
We leave at 930. Thats 30 minutes past bed time. And that’s it no more sometimes less. I love the in laws but my kids sleep schedule is important. So I have explained why we do this and everyone understands
I feel only parents with Autistic children or family should speak on this one. JMO my children will sleep wherever (if we should stay a little later) However children with autism respond differently on a day to day basis.
I always bring a pack n play for when I know we’ll be somewhere for awhile.
I bring a pillow & blanket, I find a nice spot for my kid to doze off. Carry them out when we are ready to leave, plop them in bed when we get home. My parents did the same when I was little. It’s part of childhood.
Hell fall asleep on the car ride home
Can you take a pack n play and lay him down there? That’s what we do durning holidays but we are use to traveling and since we don’t see family that often we just bring what we need to lay our kids down at there bed time.
Take seperate cars and you and your son can go whenever he’s ready for bed and leave your partner to socialise
Nah 3 hours is enough
Take two cars. I started doing that years ago! After a few hours I’m ready to go home and my husband liked to spend ALL DAY with family. So I just started driving my car so I could spend my holiday how I wanted…not miserable after a few hours…full and sleepy…I gotta go home lol
We do for holidays. If you really want to drive separately I guess. Im sure his brother has a place you could setup a pack n play and lay him down
Kids need to be able to adapt. If they miss bedtime for a special occasion the world won’t come to an end.
Bring bed time stuff put the kid in jammies and nice spot to sleep relax and socialize ur self pick the kid up in the car seat and home to bed my parents did it with me I did it it’s my daughter and her sleep schedule is still golden even at 13 doing it once in awhile won’t hurt it can also be a good thing for u depending on who’s house and how comfortable u are u can give them a bath wile there they are still technically on routine just at someone else’s house. Live a Lil hun u need a break too so staying even if ur kid stays up a lil later it’ll be good for u and ur child will be fine it’s not an all the time thing.
Why is he tied to how long you want to stay? Take two cars or you drive home and let him stay all night there and pick him up the next day, or figure something out that works for both. You can both be happy with a little compromise.
I would base it on my child if he is enjoying family time I would stay if they are cross and crying you are not going to enjoy it anyway
Drive 2 cars. Leave whenever the hell you want.
We do not and if my SO decides to stay long we don’t and someone brings him home kids are better on a schedule and at least for my child he hates his being messed with
Have him nap during the day so he can stay up later for Christmas
Drive seperate u take kid home he can stay.
Drink some wine and play it by ear. He will probably have a blast staying up late and playing with everyone. I just bring my kids pjs and they pass out in the car. Make the holidays special don’t leave early because it’s bedtime it’s a holiday.
Let him fall asleep there. Care to car when you leave. Special time of year
Maybe take 2 cars and you can leave early to take your son home and your hubby can socialise as much as he wants but if you guys are having a good night stay and enjoy yourselves .
I would stay for special occasions. Or take 2 vehicles. You can leave earlier
Take different cars if you can.
Let him take a nap that day. People will make an issue out of anything
We have but we’ve always tried to be home for an 830 bedtime. If there is ever a chance that plans will run super late, we will have someone watch the boys.
I have 6 kids. In my experience, messing with their bedtime is a disaster, not only that night but also the next day. You can maybe stretch it an hour but I wouldn’t push it too much longer.
Uh why is he getting up so early and not taking a nap during the day?
Just let your hubby tend to him at his brother’s and bedtime when you get home if he insists on staying late
I’d make an exception for very special occasions or holidays … but every other night my kids were in their own beds at bedtime… period …
I made exceptions for special occasions, also if he wants more time with family why not arrive earlier? Also if possible take two cars so you and your toddler can go home if it is that severe of an issue.
No we don’t. We have learned the hard way not to do that. We try to get home at least an hour before bed time so she can unwind and what not before bed. If we stay out close to bed time or past it, she is a complete mess!! I have had to tell my husband “oh well!” Before
We did very often, however we didn’t have a child with autism. But you’re asking so that’s my honest answer.
I definitely let my kids stay up longer for special occasions. My kids go to bed at 7 and if we are home they sleep till 9 and still take a 3 hour nap. Ruining that definitely makes them crabby. However on Christmas eve I know its going to be a late night. So im gonna let them sleep in till they wake on there own which will probably be around 10. The 3 hour drive to my dads they will.nap the entire time and so they are rested and ready to socialize. I dont miss bedtime often. But for special occasions I do figure something out to work around it
Take two cars if you have them. If not then hire a car. I’m a mother of 4 year old twins and they have a strict routine and one twins has a disability but I think you’re being selfish. It’s been a tough year for us all and I think letting your husband have more than 4 hours with his brother shouldn’t be so bad. Get a second car or tell him to get an Uber home. Sometimes we just create these problems for ourselves. And why is he getting up so early with no naps during the day?
At 1st I was thinking if their is a place your child could sleep why not stay. Adding your child is autistic that really does put a spin on it. No, your right. Have you thought of taking 2 cars? He can spend time with his family & you can make sure your child isn’t overwhelmed and you can leave when need be.
My son (1 yr old) goes down at 7 pm every night. For Christmas I said I’d stay till 8 which means he’ll go down at 9. I’ve only done this a couple times and I don’t like doing it!
We used to stay at places past my daughter’s bedtime & if she got tired we’d put her down in a quiet room. But then again I’d pick seeing my child happy a lil bit after her bedtime every once and a while, over being in bed on time every single night🤷🏽♀️
If you have two cars let him stay longer if not tell him you will take the car and he can arrange a ride home.
We make exceptions at times. It’s easier to pack pjs and get him ready for bed there if you do decide to stay late or the other choice is take 2 vehicles.
I think you’re right. However, if this is something your husband won’t change his mind on, tell him that after 8pm your son is your husbands responsibility. So he tends to what your son needs. He tends to the tantrums or whatever else comes from it. You walk into another room. Since you want to leave at his bedtime because you know how he will act and don’t want to deal with it or put your son through it, but your husband is willing to put your son through it, have you husband deal with it!
Again though, I think you’re right in this situation. It’s just going to stress you and your son out. Might as well put the stress on your husband.
Compromise. Stay out. Have husband wake up with kid early if he wants to stay out late.
OK adding in the asd/additional needs it changes it a little. My daughter has sen and when she was little I wouldn’t change her bed time at all. It wasn’t worth it she would be miserable and spend the next few days having melt downs and attacking me (it has set off seizures aswell).
Personally I would take the car and go home. Leave him to socialise all he wants. But the fall out if your son is too tired and over stimulated might not be worth it.
Maybe see how you feel on the day. You might not want to leave, you might be ready to go early.
My kids were still taking naps at two and a half. And went to bed by 7-7:30. I let them stay up as long as they were good, but as soon as they get tired and start having breakdowns, it’s time to go. Your husband may want to hang out with his family, but he has other responsibilities. That is not just your responsibility to tend to that child. I personally would not have any of it, but if you didn’t want to deal with the drama from telling your husband that, you could just drive two vehicles like everyone else is saying. I still think it’s crappy though that he expects you to take care of the child just so he can socialize.
I have never had my 18 month old on a routine, we’re lucky to be asleep before midnight each night. But he also doesn’t have autism where a rigid schedule is almost necessary. Leave your husband there and let him uber home or have his brother or someone else drop him off or let him stay there since he wants to socialize that bad.
I do keep him there and he often just sleeps in a bedroom until we’re ready to leave
My husband wants to leave his sisters at midnight. We will be getting there at 4pm!!! We have a 18month old who just figured out how to climb out of her pack n play so we can now no longer use that unless im sitting in the room tell she finally falls asleep. She goes to bed at 7pm. Idk how ima do it this time. She doesn’t like to be held or rocked, won’t sleep in her toddler chair we have. And there will be about 15ppl plus kids ages 6 to 8 there being loud as all hell. Good luck!
I would stay late at places but leave if my son started getting cranky
Take it minute by minute. If he can’t handle being up longer then take him home and leave your husband there If he’s doing fine then stay.i have left my husband at my parents before because he wanted to stay with the boys and the kids were tired and I was fine with that.
Pick and choose your battles. See if you can put your child to bed there at the family house. This will give you guys time to socialize but keep him on his schedule.
Him wanted to stay out a little later to spend time with family doesn’t make him selfish. Bring a blanket and cuddle up on the couch with your son. One night of an off bedtime isn’t the end of the world. Now if your son gets to be too much to handle your husband should understand that it is important that your son be comfortable but I would give hubby a shot to be with family for a change. One night shouldn’t hurt
If its family, ask to lay him down in a room that wont be occupued but is near the activities. Then carry him to the car. Its one party. He’ll be okay. You’ll live.
Huh, unfortunately adults also need to have a life away from their kids!
Yes as mother’s we just want what’s best for our kids, but you do need that break and you do need to socialise with people your own age regardless what your child might have.
I get routine is a big thing for your son, and it helps him function better but now and then it won’t hurt to stay a bit longer as it is a family event and it’s almost Xmas time too.
If we go places and we know we’re staying past bedtime we bring a pack n play
Stay for awhile longer if he wants. Bring a pack and play or ask a family member if you can let him sleep in one of their beds til you’re ready to leave. There are some exceptions like holidays where it is nice to spend several hours at a time out and have fun and relax. If your hubby is asking you to do this then do it. He needs a break just as much as you do. Sometimes its ok to break routine especially since it is a one time thing.
Try to make him take a nap that day so he can stay up later. If you can’t and don’t mind going home on your own I’d go home put the little guy to bed and get some time to yourself.
I have an autistic child and an autistic grandson. That being said, a schedule is very important and should not be broken unless it’s an emergency. Your husband needs to be informed by the pediatrician and ask about any other issues he might need assistance with. He might not understand the importance of a special needs child. I would also recommend buying a book about autistic children. Once he gets the information from the Dr he will most likely accept your decision to leave at the allotted bedtime.
Take your son home and let your man stay out and socialise!
Your turn next time
Drive another car, I don’t see anything wrong with him wanting to stay longer on Christmas
It’s one day. I would say your overreacting. We have 6 kids our youngest with ASD and other additional needs but we still pre covid socialise at Christmas birthdays etc it’s the odd day here and there. Why shouldn’t he see his family without a time frame.
Stay late. When the baby flips his shit because he’s exhausted, hand him over to his daddy
Take jammies and any other bed time routine item with you just incase. let him have a nap before you leave? Ask when you arrive if there is a room that you can use as quiet relax time for him so he doesn’t get overloaded if need be. If it fails he can see you’ve tried and then you guys leave xx
If it’s a big deal, you and your son can leave early and leave him there
How about a pallet
on the floor !!
Bring a pack n play. Or leave with your child around bedtime and let him stay. He deserves to be able to socialize with family and friends at Christmas. It’s about family.
Go in seperate cars and leave when u feel u need to and let him stay and socialize
I keep my child’s routine always. My husband tried the same thing didn’t work
Omg people are annoying . Just stick to your routine . The opinions of the people have spoken and there not in the best interest of the child . Go with your gut and put him to sleep. If your husband would rather stay to socialize then let him be selfish . He can make it up to you later . I would make him eat a bitch out