Can you bring your child’s favorite blanket, p.j.s and stuffed animal and put him down for a nap at the party? Otherwise, have an early nap at home?
How far away is his brothers, how often does he get to visit his brother? I do agree there are certain situations (holidays being one), where letting your little stay up past bedtime isn’t a big deal. I understand your child has autism and is young but still believe if he’s tired enough he will sleep, just make arrangements with your husband and his family beforehand about having a place for your son to lay down if he gets tired or overwhelmed. Your children definitely has to come first but sometimes make sure it’s a battle worth having a war over or if just a quiet debate will work instead, compromise is always great with children & spouses!
If possible can you take two cars ? Your husband could visit a little longer .If your child can not tolerate a change in his nighttime routine this may be the best solution .I hope you can work this out so everyone can be happy .
Wow daddy putting his needs over a child with special needs bad, if child will sleep and they make a space for him great but you and dad need to figure this out now talk about selfish
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No, he’s right here. I get how frustrating it is to deal with a fussy toddler, but you can deal with it for a day to spend time with family. My son is right around the same age with a 7pm bedtime. There have been a couple times that he’s up until 9 or 10ish for the holidays. Family members also don’t get to see them all the time, so it’s robbing your little one and them of time together.
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I never determined when I was leaving based on my kids bedtime… what fun is that? It’s a family function. Depending on where he is on the spectrum, I would consider taking separate cars. But not based off bed time.
I think you should do what’s best for your son … if your husband wants to stay longer let him … you take two cars if it’s not that far away and when your son needs or starts to get cranky then you can head home … then after you get him down for the night have a nice glass of wine …
I’m with Mama. Her son and his needs come first. I would go home when he gets tired. Leave hubby to socialize all he wants. My child WILL be my priority.
Most family gatherings in my family we have a place to put the little ones down so socializing can continue.
I suggest you ask your child’s therapist the best way to proceed and how to make a long visit doable. I had a special needs child. Everybody else had an opinion on how I should raise my boy and nobody knew what they were talking about because they had healthy more traditional kids. If he didn’t sleep right he became violent.
There is also the option of letting the husband deal with the son the next day when he is upset. His family, his decision and now his responsibility.
Well I’m gonna say that with my first easy going child we usually stayed places a little past bedtime but my second child isn’t so easy going so either I skip out on some less important events and for others we sadly take separate vehicles and I leave at a reasonable time
It can’t to hurt to try it. I came from a big family and staying out and up late once in a while will not hurt. Try it a few times because nothing runs smooth the first time until you figure out what works best.
Ok idk how to take care of a autistic child bit i am with husband and an easy compromise of they have two vehicles have they take both vehicles that way and child can leave and dad can stay later to socialize
I understand leaving early. We did it, or sometimes I left with the baby. We also hosted many years to be able to keep babies on their schedule.
I totally agree with you. Best for child an no body wants a fussy child at a gathering
My son is autistic and he never did well with staying up past his usual bed time as a child. Rather than make him very upset we knew what our time limit was and left. Or we stayed the night and he went to bed earlier than others did
I would say it depends on your baby. I have a son with autism and I know he can only socialize for so long before he wants to be home in his own environment. But if you’re husband wants stay longer then leave his ass there and have his brother take him home.
Two cars or a pack and play…maybe you could just let him “rest” at some point earlier in the day. I even do this with my 8 year old sometimes. Just books in bed and usually they fall asleep if not atleast their body had a chance to slow down. Its best to go ahead and disrupt the schedule once and a while when they are still small. They will adjust and be fine.
You are right about your child with spa I am needs being ovet stimulated. If your husband wants to stay is it possible for you both to drive. This way he can stay and you can take your child home. I gey he wants to socialize but this is an adult discussion you both should talk through. BOTH need to listen to each other. Sounds like he is only thinking of himself.
Autism adds to the question. I suggest driving separately. If Little Britches reaches his limit, take him home. Dad can stay on if he chooses. But you’re right, Mom: once you have a child – challenged or otherwise – it’s not just about the adults anymore.
Never was worried about leaving by bedtime til mine was in school… there’s always somewhere or someway to put kiddo to sleep since they wear themselves out anyway… you can always take your own vehicle
I used to stay late but quickly realized it’s not worth the trauma on the parent(s) and the child/children-it’s too disruptive to a toddlers schedule!
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Sorry I’m with hubby. Let him fall asleep wherever you are. Its not an every day occurrence. Its family time.
I’m with your husband. It’s not going to hurt to get out of routine one day. Your husband probably doesn’t get to see his whole family together that often. If the kiddo gets tired lay him down in grandma’s bed. If you don’t think he can handle that then take 2 cars and let hubby stay or if you only have 1 car maybe he can get a ride home.
Yes, but only one place(his grandmas) when we go there we will bring his pack and play and set it up in her office so he has a quiet place to sleep at his bed time and we can still stay later
Well I have a few suggestions:
- Take separate cars. I know some kids with autism like to stay with routines.
- Go around 3pm instead of 4.
- If your husband insists that you take one car, either leave him there or make hin deal with his son. If his family looks at you, explain to them what happened.
Also your husband needs to realize his kid also needs come first and should have been kinder about what he said.
Yes you stay, Xmas comes once a year. Pack jammies if he gets tired you can lay him down somewhere
Your husband sounds like a very inconsiderate person, so if possible drive a separate car,
Not sure people read he has autism. A change in schedules and over stimulation can lead to major meltdowns. And sometimes they can be very serious
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If the baby gets tired lay him down in a room to sleep. I never left early, especially if the kids were playing and having a great time.
No bedtimes here on special occasions. If they get tired enough they’ll just fall asleep wherever.
It depends on the situation but it’s pretty rare that we leave for bedtime.I have to agree with you at that age routine is important ,but on the other hand if it’s only one night I don’t see the problem with breaking routine.We out the kids down for an extra or longer nap if I know we are going to be out past bedtime.Maybe take two vehicles so you can leave when you feel you need to leave .
The parent knows the child the best and what will work. Some kids can fall asleep anywhere, some not. Some get crazy when they are over tired and can’t be dealt with. I agree with Donna Smith.
It depends on the kid. You could try putting him down. But if he’s done, he’s done and you should leave. Your husband should be with you on this point. An example is my granddaughter, age 5, came over this afternoon to decorate cookies. After a few hours of decorating cookies, she was done, we could all see it and Mom stopped the activity, all cleaned up and they went home.
As your child gets older, there will be times you can break with bed time and stay later. Plus, they’ll go to bed later as well. You might want to point this out to your hubby and tell him that in a few years, we’ll be able to stay later. Otherwise, you could always take separate cars and leave when your child is ready and he can stay and socialize.
Just to add, I have 3 on the spectrum and totally get where your coming from. Mine could sleep on me, for the most part, at that age. My hubby was with me. And 4 hours could very well be too much for your son. That is a long time for him to retain control of himself and then add in being tired as well. You want to avoid sensory overload as much as possible.
Take 2 cars. Then you can leave if he gets over tired. I can see every once in a while wanting to be with family on special occasions. There can be compromises
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I do not have an autistic child, so I won’t comment on the choice of staying or not staying, except to say that I stay late with my son who is not autistic. But what I do want to comment on, is that I think you’re extremely out of line in commenting that your husband is being selfish. It’s been a rough year and he wants to relax and be with his family on Christmas, he’s allowed to have wants and needs despite being a parent. Do not belittle his feelings.
Children at that age should have a routine. And he does have autism and they definitely need that routine. Leaving by 8 is reasonable. The husband is the one with the problem. If he were to become cranky, then that would ruin the get together for everyone. Why risk it. He can not help how he feels at that age.
Where did u get ur child tested cause I’ve tried to get my 3yr old tested and they said it was too young to tell?also I’m with hubby one night won’t hurt
Christmas is but once a year your child will survive
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I think that’s ok as long as he agrees to take of him the second half of the night. And make sure you take his pajamas with him and any other thing he needs to sleep with- a blanket, a toy, a pacifier and if it’s relative
You are
Comfortable with maybe you can give him a bath there.
Take jammies and drive separate! Try his way first and if it doesn’t work then leave. But really give it a go and be sincere in trying! Eventually you too will want to start staying later! So try! We take pjs with us and let them fall Asleep when they need too, on occasions. Usually I’m a stickler for bedtime.
At this I would normally go with dad on this because the baby would be able to be laid down…but given that your child has autism the situation is different. He may not be able to sleep at his uncles house in a new surrounding especially if he is used to his routine…but really you won’t know until you try. He may be ok with it
Personally I put my children and there schedule first at that age. You have the rest of your life to socialize. But they are only young and in need of that stability for a little while. Add autism on top of it … I think the dad in this situation is being really selfish. On the other hand I understand we can’t always have life revolve around kids. Sometimes it’s possible to compromise. If he wants to stay longer, fine, take two cars.
I have a autistic son and he doesnt really have a set schedule but when he is not comfortable we always leave early and remove him before he gets triggered he is happy when he has his blanky and will stay somewhere for a while and if he falls asleep he has to be holding onto my hand and will crash if needs be he is on the higher end and will demand that we leave and go lay in bed when he is tired but for saying that I usually let the hubs go out and hang with friends and family I rather stay home and hang out with my kid and animals and watch movies with them
If you have 2 cars then both drive and you can go home early.
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Let your son sleep there until you are ready to go and let your husband carry him to the car to sleep on the way home and also he should carry him and put him to bed. Fair compromise for one night
Take two cars go home with your child after the second selfish year spent with his family I put my foot down I had 2 small kids with a somewhat schedule so they can come see us or he can go by his self.
My son will be 11 months old on the 31st. When 7PM hits, he’s ready for bed. He doesn’t sleep at other people’s house. He has a fit and it’s way to upsetting for me to try and let him self soothe. I would tell your husband that if he wants to stay then he can. As for you, we don’t get time off or exceptions because it’s Christmas. When it’s bedtime, it’s bedtime. And it’s time to go.
Take 2 cars! Maybe your husband wants some of “his” family-time. If you want to stay too, then let your child fall asleep at the in-laws, it won’t hurt him.
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But your dealing with a child who has a problem and children with autism especially boys don’t deal well off the schedule, so with that said how about going early I think that would work ! So there would be more time 
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If messing with your child’s routine and that would upset your son, his special need comes first. Maybe you could take separate cars so you can keep to routine and he could stay with family longer?
Keep him on his routine, and drive separately. Your son having autism trumps your DHs want to socialize. He can stay behind while you keep your son on the schedule he us used to, because that’s whats best for his wellbeing. It doesn’t even have to be a fight. My toddler is kept on roughly the same set up in almost all situations, regardless of others feelings. Its best for her.
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My kids never had a set bedtime at any age. I got bashed by some family members for not doing so. My philosophy was that when they started school, if they were tired after the first few days, they would set their own bedtimes.
Is it possible to take two cars, or for your hubby to catch a ride home with someone ? Then you can take your son home and put him to bed and he can stay as long as he wants to.
Drive separately, you leave with the kid when he needs to go and let him socialize with his family
It’s alittle more difficult with a child on the spectrum. They may not be able to cope for longer. Nth is gauge how your child seems through the visit. If a meltdown seems imminent, yeah it’s time to go dad.
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As a mom with a son that has autism. I am on your side. We struggle to provide routine for them and the consequences of even one tiny minute change can be disastrous
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Stay and celebrate Christmas. He might even sleep past 5:30! He’ll get back on his schedule in no time - if you want that schedule!
I have no experience of autism so don’t know how a delayed bedtime might effect your child. But I don’t think your husband is being unreasonable to want to disrupt the boy’s routine one night (or even a few nights) of the year to participate in a family function. If you absolutely feel the boy cannot tolerate this deviation, go in separate vehicles so you can return home with him when you feel it’s time. You and hubby may still be in disagreement, but a compromise rarely allows both parties to be completely satisfied. Perhaps there is another issue. Could it be you feel your husband will leave you to deal with your distraught child rather than accepting a share of the extra work the disruption may cause?
Routine is best. Let your husband stay and he gets taxi home. Mum’s needs to have that routine too for child and herself. Hope you sort it and enjoy Christmas. Or could you not turn up earlier to chat socialise through as family surely know your child has asd to consider your routine?
I see both ways
Take two cars and see how it works out
Don’t make everyone uncomfortable
If it works out great
If not pack him up and head home
Our grandson has autism and I agree with Daddy!
My husband’s family has a tradition that we open presents at midnight on Christmas eve. So I give the kids a nap Christmas eve afternoon so that they won’t be too grumpy for the late night, then we sleep in on Christmas and are usually back to schedule by the next day or 2. 
I think you are right (your son has autism) you know him better than any one.
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I do, but my 3.5yo sleeps as long as he wants in the morning, and also still naps most days. You have a larger problem than one event here though. You can take 2 cars (or Uber, or whatever) so that your husband can stay and visit if that’s what he chooses. But your 2.5 yo is getting 9-10 hours of sleep per day. A 2.5 year old requires between 12-14 hours for optimal health and development. I would look into the long term effects of lack of sleep (particularly on young children), and then work towards a solution that goes beyond one night.
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Drive separately leave when you feel the need with your son. Let your husband stay and socialize. Not a big deal so don’t make it one.
We always stayed late st family gatherings. Special times require bending the rules
If things are really bad, you can take 2 cars and when your child has had enough, just take him home. Hubby can either drive himself, be driven home by someone else or call uber. When you have a special needs child, you have to do what you have to do. I know it can take days for them to stabilize again!
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I raised four girls. My schedule revolved around their naps and bedtime.
I have 3. I had different rules for each of them. Two were flexible. One would be a train wreck for days if his schedule was off. All you can do is trial and error and find out what is best for your family!!
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Yes but since he’s autistic, I understand. If you really feel uncomfortable with possible fit your son will throw, take 2 cars.
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With Autism I don’t see how he would want to stay long.They have no stop .Always moving .I think you are right maybe take two cars.If it’s close enough and you leave with child early.
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I can’t claim any knowledge about dealing with a child with autism, but routines are important. That being said, give it a try and see how it goes. It will either be fine, or he’ll have a meltdown that your husband can see and deal with, since he’s a parent too.
Just lay the child down at the family’s home that you’re visiting. Not too difficult
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The more you isolate, and cater to a strict and non flexible schedule, food, clothes, on and on, the more you restrict the child’s flexibility as they grow. Not only that YOU are introducing OCD to an already autistic child! Do I know?? Yes!! See it every day!! If you must have such strict and non flexible routines, make it with the way they line up the clothes in their own closet, socks in a drawer, pens, pencils and crayons on a desk. Not something that affects and limits the entire family. You are going to be in situations where you have no choice but it go home is 2 hours, maybe even 15 minutes, because he will be ill, tired, or out of sorts on some days, and he will have a “meltdown”. It will affect the family as a whole. While HE is flexible, take the time and opportunities to teach him to continue to be flexible, and social. Trust me, during puberty, you won’t have nearly as many chance to socialize, or as long to stay.
Lie the child down in a quiet bed @ his brothers, it’s only once a year! Don’t be such a stickler, it may do you good too if you socialized longer!
Autism is a broad spectrum. It is important for autistic children to learn to be flexible in scheduling and social interaction is pivotal. I would try and see how it goes before you completely refuse.
I put my kids down where ever we were. But the fact yours has special needs changes things.
Drive separately that way you can leave when you want to
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My son slept wherever we were. I’d lay him down on the couch or bed and we would carry him out asleep
Can you take his pjs with and a favorite blanket
Truthfully, dont forget that its not always about your kids either. You are allowed to go out and do something for yourself, even if that is just staying later at Christmas… get out and do more. Dont stop living just because you have children.
I with you husband, too. Special occasions are an exemption to bedtime. Can you put him down at that person’s place? Then carry him to the car when you leave? Or, take 2 cars so you can leave with your kiddo and he can stay as long as he wants.
And it would be such a big deal for you to loosen up for one night a year with family. Haven’t we seperated enough this year. Get over the bed time fixation. I promise his life will not be ruined nor will yours.
It depends d s on child if your child can sleep anywhere then maybe a little longer but my nephew who is autistic can fall asleep anywhere and if he doesn’t get the sleep he is use to he gets physically abusive to himself.
I was not able to to read all comments, but might I suggest taking two cars if this is reasonable for you guys? My husband works as a pastor and if I stayed with him at church on Sundays with my toddler, I would be there from 8-2, we would miss her lunch and her morning nap. No way we are doing that every week. We take separate cars and I get her home for her nap. On occasion when we visit family, we do get to bed later and she usually does okay with a little adjustment the next day. Routine is important, but it’s okay to on occasion make an exception. I guess you would be a better judge of how your kiddo handles deviating from their routine than any of us could. Some kids handle it better than others. Plus, if your son really doesn’t handle it well, it might help your husband might see why routine is important for your son.
Im with hubby growing up my parents whefe only flexible for holiday/social gathers. I have a child on the spectrum and we dont leave events just because its bestime if they get sleepy we find a place to put them till where ready to leave especially when its a holiday
Stay as long as you want. If he gets sleepy enough, he’ll curl up on the couch or some place comfy. Won’t hurt him a bit.
Regardless, a child of 2.5 should not be up from 5:30 - 6:00 am until 8:00 pm each day. A child that age needs an afternoon nap.
I always stuck firm on bedtime and it’s paid off he has always slept through the night (after 7 months old) and doesn’t fight with me about bedtime, I had in-laws who would argue with me and say o he will just sleep in late but with my child that was never the case, if he wants to stay late maybe take separate vehicles
Considering the situation that we have all been under lately of being quarantined from people, I don’t think it would hurt to make an exception so he can get some socialization too. As for the disability, if you always limit him then he’ll never know what he will be truly capable of later on in life. Challenges are okay. Just take some jammies with you in case he gets tired. If anything, the hubby can carry him to the car. 
Child still needs a nap during day, and I agree with hubby if the child takes a nap he should be fine, place him down if he gets tired when ur out. Enjoy your life he won’t die because you stay out pass his bedtime
it’s not
the fact of breaking the bedtime routine the fact is an autistic child will not have an easy time accepting the change. evidently you have never seen a real autistic meltdown. It is not pleasant for anyone.
bring his Jammies and blankets. be prepared to lay him down there
The child can fall asleep in the car or even at your family members home. It’s ok. There’s ok things to disagree and argue about. Do you have somewhere to be on the weekend. Pick your battle. Socialize and spend time with the family. He has left early many times so why not step out of comfort zone and live. The child having autism is not going to interfere with his sleep. It’s ok
Take pajamas and bedtime toy with you and put him to sleep at the event
I wouldn’t have took my for 4 hours when they where little, it’s too long for an autistic child I always found, no one would understand that fully unless they had a child with autism, let him stay alone if he feels his needs are more important, get a cab home if you have to but never would I sacrifice a child with those needs for his need to socialise, when your child is older they’ll be able to cope better but right now your child needs you to give them what they need so they can trust you later to put their needs first and accept more social activity and I’m telling you this from experience my boys are now 15 and 17 and So social ur they never had it forced upon them pay reasonable limits as children and it makes all the difference xx
Sorry I’m with your husband. It’s not like it happens every night.
Why doesn’t he nap he is 2.5, at that age he should nap. My children did and still went to bed at 8.
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I took a porta crib for my son put in bedroom and put him to bed…today that would be a pack and play … yes you make exceptions