I agree with you!! I always took my daughter home on Holidays early. My mother in law and husband thought I was wrong , she had a bedtime and was tired.
After visiting for a while put his PJ’s on, holidays and special occasions for families you always can find someplace to lay the baby down
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I think husband is right it’s not like he’s wanting to stay and hang out at the bar he wants to spend Christmas time with his family , if it’s too much then like suggested above leave husband there and y’all go home and go to bed
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It’s a little different for a child with autism when strange beds can cause a meltdown. I would suggest separate cars or hubby spending the night.
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Did you not read it,her child has autism.May be you should get some information on Autism before you make a statement!
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As a mom of a child with autism we stick to bed times even on vacation when be was little but now that he’s older and sleeps in we stay later if he’s fine and not getting cranky
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My siblings did it as kids on special occasions…nothing wrong with it, If you find your child can’t fall asleep like that then you’ll have to find a way like maybe bring a blanket or pillow from home…
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Pack and play! On thanksgiving my twins were 6 months and I knew it was gonna be a long day at my in-laws so I brought along their walkers and the pack and play and the stroller. I would say it went smoothly by the time we got home and I put them in their crib they slept all night. It’s only one day and I understand my husband because we don’t always stay out and socialize with family.
Agree with husband. We always took pajamas too. If they got tired we laid them down but usually they stayed awake fell asleep in car.
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You’re over thinking it. It’s family and the holidays. You can always change the little one into something comfy and put him down to sleep somewhere at your in-laws.
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I was on hubbys side until you said he has autism. Maybe drive separately and take him home when he’s ready. That’s what I would do. My kids are fine staying up later for things like that and if need be we lay them down there. I can see why that might not be an option for you though.
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I side with hubby he is telling you something he needs that is lacking. My kids have ADHD and can get over stimulated. If they get sleepy they nap and then sleep on the drive home and go right back to bed. As long as it’s not every time but what can a little extra time with family hurt. Sounds like your being a little selfish.
This is a conversation for you and your husband. My family knows that big events need to be earlier so we have time to socialize. My kids turn into gremlins by 730-8p. There is no way around it. I bring pjs and such with and pack them in the car at their bedtime and they all fall asleep on the way home. If my husband wanted to stay much later, I would tell him to either drive himself or call an Uber. Again you know your child and their routine, this is a conversation to have with your partner. There will be no right or wrong answer unless your endangering your child. Keeping them awake doesn’t harm them.
Its not like you are going out to a bar and drinking and partying until closing time. This is family time. Im sure a place for him to lay down would easily be made available.
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Nope. But not for my kid, because If I’m not it bed by my bedtime, I’m an absolute nightmare and hate sleeping at other people’s houses. My husband and I take separate cars or arrange for him to have a ride home.
Don’t leave. Enjoy Christmas and other such things. Your marriage comes first and children close second. The baby will be just fine
Is it possible to take 2 vehicles? Then you could go home with your child and the hubby could stay? While I get what everyone is saying about teaching him flexibility I don’t think a Christmas gathering with family is the place to start.
I’m with you on this one, knowing couples who have children with autism, routines are best. If your routine is disrupted than there might be consequences, like your child having a meltdown.
That being said, is it possible to take 1 vehicles? That way you can take your child home when you want and the selfish husband can stay later.
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My husband was like that, with my daughter, who has Rett syndrome. When he told me, we are not leaving when she gets upset, I said fine, but you are taking her at that time. At that age my daughter was going through regression. She had just lost all her words, and all control of her hand use. Will his sister invited friends, and decided everyone had to wait, for them to get there before eating. Dinner was suppose to be at 5. Both my kids where hungry, and his sister refused to let them eat. My daughter was doing only thing she could do and started screaming. You can’t just tell her no, because she can’t just turn it off. I looked at my husband, and he’s in the corner talking, and having fun. I said to my son get in the car, we are going to McDonald’s. I never went back after McDonald’s, and my husband was pissed, because he had to fine a ride home. Ended up the extra friends never showed, and the food was all over cooked, and dry. Anything further then 15 minutes away after that was two cars. Both my kids are in there twenties now, and we have not been invited to any family members on my husbands side, since my daughter was 15, and could no longer walk. My family loves both my kids.
My Mom brought jammies with her and if I got sleepy she laid me down somewhere. It’s one night.
My children aren’t autistic & I would NEVER stay at a family gathering past 6pm. That’s PLENTY of time! My husband and I have 6 children, have routines, & enjoy being home. If relatives want to visit that’s fine, but please leave by 8 as my children go to bed at 9 & I stick to my routine. I’d go crazy if I didn’t!
When we ate celebrating or hanging out we have never left early for kids bedtimes. Babies van sleep anywhere. Toddler if the stay up a little later one day I won’t ruin the schedule
Your husband has a point but so do you. I am like you wants you have children it is all about what is good for them but at the same time it’s good for you to get out and be around other adults. When my babies were little if they got tired we would let the sleep at the grandparents house and when we were ready then we will carry them out to the car now though that I have started over with my granddaughter I want to leave when it is her bed time because she will not sleep at someone else’s house
I know it might be difficult or impossible but you could try a nap before going so he won’t get as tired towards the end of the night. As far as the autism goes, I’ve never experienced it before so I don’t have advice on that. Good luck to you momma.
I was on hubby’s side until you said Autism. My grandson is on the spectrum. A struck routine is very important to him. He knows what time it is. When he should be in bed etc. 4 hrs of social time can be a lot for an autistic child although I don’t know your child. I’ve met and done a lot of reading to be informed for my grandson
Sounds like your son will need to take a nap that day…we dont typically stay out late to begin with but family get togethers are the rare times we break our schedule and i also have an autistic son (7 y/o) and we just let him know whats going on and if he gets sleepy he can go find a quiet place to lay down
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I don’t have any kids but I have been many gatherings where someone has let there children stay up past their bedtime. It wasn’t always enjoyable for everyone.
My kids were champion sleepers as long as they slept in their own beds. So for things like family dinners my hubby and I would drive separate cars. Whose Evers family we were visiting with would stay and the other one would leave in time to drive home and put the kids to sleep. That way the kids got a good nights sleep and we got to visit with our family. If on the off chance that wasn’t feasible then whoever’s family we visited was responsible for dealing with the tired cranky kids the next day.
Totally agree with you, a child with Autism likes routine and needs their own environment.
Maybe you can all just stay. Put child to bed and adults can socialize. Mine is almost 8 now but we did that a lot when he was a toddler. Not all the time but sometimes family and adult socializing is a must.
Take his pajamas and put him to sleeo in a safe place. Ask the family before you go if you can. We did that when my children were small. It helped them to be able to sleep other places than their own bed. Parents have done this for years when visiting. My late husband remembers skeeoing in his cloths on a bed with 5 or 6 other kids at a friends house when their oarwbts got together and thevchildren were all small enough to need an early bedtime. He was born in 1931.
OMG to be honest this gives me childhood nostalgia, while reading the comments! The memories leaving grandmas house at dark and seeing the snow arriving the comfort and the company!!! Makes my heart warm and I miss them sooo much! I say it’s for ONE night and a special one so make the best of it and go have a Merry Christmas with your family
Also, its not a matter of “just teaching him” as so many have stated. Even my twins who are not on the spectrum are routine babies. Deviating from the routine throws them off for days. Its about the amount of and quality of the sleep they get. They can sleep anywhere but staying out late and keeping them up gives them less sleep than they’re body is accustomed to. Also, the falling asleep, waking up and falling back asleep creates poor quality sleep. So these two things affe t them for a minimum of 2 days after the event. Why would you willing stress your young toddler like that just so YOU can socialize. Clearly theyre not enjoying it if they’re tired and most likely crying. Their needs come first.
It’s not always about the kids either. Parents need adult time too. You sound like the bigger baby here. Relax and enjoy yourself. Bring a pallets for the 2 year old
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We used to play cards with our neighbors when our 3 children were small. We brought them sleeping bags and put to sleep on top of their beds. They fell asleep and when we were ready to go home, we carried them out to the car still asleep and tucked them into their own beds at home. They loved doing this!!
Maybe you should let him have a nap that day since you know about it in advance. At any rate it won’t hurt for him to stay up past bedtime every now and then, it’s the holidays and I don’t feel like it’s selfish for someone to want to be with family.
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My youngest is not autistic, but I remember at her grandparents 50th wedding anniversary party she passed out during the reception with music blaring and everything!
When your child is over whelmed or over tired find a quiet place where you and he can take a break and have quiet time ( reading books) Other parent / adults will understand. If you’re up to it maybe next time have it at your home where he is more comfortable.
I agree with Candy, you can usually find a quite place to put him down. In anticipation of this bring along his favorite blanket and a stuffed animal if he has one he sleeps with.
As a sister to an autistic brother, keeping his schedule was CRUCIAL for him to have a DECENT day. Daddy needs to suck it up. My son is 10 months old and we wont go to any afternoon functions because that’s when my son takes a long nap. If its after 5pm we dont go.
Me as a child without my brother was different I fell asleep wherever I was.
Because you and every other momma knows the meltdowns children have at that age group to begin with…I don’t think it’s appropriate…show your husband how hard it can be, let your kiddo stay up late and get cranky at home…then ask him if it’s fun to keep him up! If it were me, I’d make arrangements for myself and my kiddo to go home as scheduled and have hubby drive your other car or ask a relative prior to bring him home when he’s ready. Hopefully he’ll realize that it’s no fun for anyone to deal with a cranky toddler who is ready for bed…and you’ve also compromised with his wishes of staying longer too. Married 23 years with 3 kids😉
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For us- we never left early bc kids usually fell asleep in some family members bed, couch, or travel bed. Then we carried them to the car, and into thier own beds. We had deep sleepers. But then we never had bedtimes that early for our kids either. It was usually 9pm bc neither of us are early morning people. And by 9PM- we were usually ready to go to bed ourselves! But after almost 15 yrs of marriage- sometimes it’s all about compromise, understanding, and picking your battles. I always ask myself is the “fight” really worth the stress or aggravation. For example- if we are arguing about the kids bed time. And I want them to go to bed at 9 and he wants to let them stay up til 11. We discuss why the bedtime needs to be earlier- if they have school the next day they need to be rested. Be reasonable. Even now with a 13 yr old and a 9 yr old. Every once in awhile we let them stay up a little bit and it doesn’t throw them too off schedule. Good luck!
I would say he needs to help with him if you are staying later. I have always let my kids decide. When they were little, they slept easily on the couch or a bed or even a blanket pallet. Now that they are older (pre-teen), we leave when they start to get tired because the attitude is worse then a messed up bedtime
We always made sure to be home for bedtime. My oldest is autistic and they are often not good with a big change in routine. My son wouldnt sleep anywhere but his bed. My son would quietly play by himself until he got sleepy then would ask to go home to his bed. I would take 2 cars if possible. That way you can bring your son home whenever you feel you need to and let dad hangout with his brother. No one is being selfish ita just a difference in needs. It wont hurt anyone for you both to get what you want. I probably wouldnt have been so nasty to my husband for wanting to spend time with his brother. Thats just me. He was being honest with you about what he needs. Its very easy with a special needs child to forget that you and your spouse have needs also.
I would be more concerned getting my family together for a gathering with people and other households. Family or not. Please be careful. People are getting sick. I would tell my husband that this year, given the situation we find ourselves in, it’s more important we keep ourselves and other members of our extended family safe by simply having a Christmas at home. That way your sweet boy can be home to sleep, and you aren’t risking anyone getting sick. It’s tough, given we all want to see our families, I totally get it. We are missing out on seeing our own family this year. That said, it’s worth that small sacrifice of missing this years Holiday gatherings to ensure that everybody will be at next years.
I left early from things, especially when my daughter was younger. I personally think when their that age they need to keep to their schedule, especially if the kid has autism.
Your husband needs to grow up. If your son has autism, he will be so exhausted and done by 7 pm. You need to get him home and into his own environment where he is comfortable.
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Yes, take his favorite blanket and toy and make a pallet on the floor in a different room! Just because you had children doesn’t mean you stop living!! If you want to leave early for your child then understand your spouse wants to be with family and drive 2 separate cars! It works both ways, I did it for years and they turned out ok!
I agreed with dad until you said your child was autistic. I think I would go in 2 cars if possible so you could take your child home or get a babysitter if you have one
I would stick with routine maybe take separate cars so you and your son can leave early and he can stay just a suggestion
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Honestly, with your son on the spectrum, asking this is a general question to anyone makes no sense. Families with special needs children are not understood by everyone. Maybe your husband is in denial about the needs of your son and doesn’t understand how important routine is in your circumstance or how overwhelming the situation can be for your lil guy.
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Honestly I would do what makes you comfortable but if that means you feel 4 hours is enough time then take two cars or see if maybe your husband can get a ride back home. My nephew is Autistic and is very high on the spectrum. Sometimes he does well at social events and sometimes not so much but my in-laws always have a plan of action. Sometimes they both go sometimes 1 goes. I hope your able to find a peaceful resolution to this situation and it doesn’t effect your holidays.
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On special occasions like the holidays, I may have stretched it. However with your sons situation it might be best to leave. Would you be willing to take your son home and have your husband find his own way home later.
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I feel naps are extremely important for child development. Maybe im crazy. But holidays are important and special and normally some of the only times that whole family have the chance to gather. Be reasonable. Stay late. Your child will be fine.
Drive separately and you can take your son home at bedtime.
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I would give it a try. With the way 2020 has been, I’d make the most of a get together. Your son has autism? Bless you and your husband and son. I imagine at times it’s difficult and I’m sure you’re a very good mother. You know best how he handles situations and how to make the best of situations. Can you come up with a plan? You know what triggers him and soothes him. I’d have a plan to stay longer and things that will be helpful to have and do in case he gets restless. Perhaps it’d be possible for your husband to stay later and someone drop him off at home or you could take separate vehicles.
If he has a favorite toy or blank i.e. Or something he holds to go to sleep bring that with you and find an empty bed and lie down with him at his bed time.
If he has autism, I don’t know how flexible he is, but it seems he’s going to need to sleep in places not his own.
Ordinarily, I’d say just bring some jammies and a plushy toy and a favorite blanket and just bed him down. But with a special needs child, that’s so different. Could drive separately? That would give your husband the time to socialize with his family - a desire which is understandable - but allow you and your little guy to keep to his predictable, comforting nighttime routine.
On Christmas visits, the ones where the kids got sleepy before we left, my boy would always just find a place to lay down like a sofa, or my arms.
I think that for special occasions, a diversion from the routines can be a celebration be themselves. And in doing so, an early nap might help prevent a meltdown at night.
Until you said autism I was with you husband. It can be difficult for persons with sensory sensitivity. If he insists make him be the one to (trying to find another word for deal with) ummm be in charge of supervising your son and he’ll probably think twice…
Honestly, it depends on the kid. Some kids would be fine with a different bedtime. Some kids wouldn’t. It really just depends on the kid. But if you believe that’s the right thing to do, then it is!! You’re the mama, no one else. If you know your kid would be unhappy after a night like that, then stand your ground! You’re mama. You know what’s best.
I’ve never left a special occasion early for bedtime… I’ve always brought quiet time chill out toys, a blanket and comfy clothes they can sleep in… when they start to get tired I’ll bring them into a quieter room and tell them to settle in and have a nap, sometimes they’ve fallen asleep on the couch or floor by the tv, other time in a bedroom… bundle them up and carry them home sleeping. My youngest is on the spectrum and I’ve never had issues because of that specifically. My husband had a huge family and there was always lots of kids flaked out in various stages somewhere.
It is not a major problem. Put your son down with his favorite toy or blanket. Kids are adaptable, enjoy yourself and let your husband visit with family.
Austic children like their routines. It makes their lives better. If you have another car I would drive myself and leave early from the Christmas gathering.
4 hours is a good amount of time to socialize. Do what works for you and your child.
I tried to to brake the bedtime once in awhile, but it didnt’ work. And I was the one always having to deal with it. So there were times we stayed out later than we should have and then I was the one dealing with it. There came a time when I said “enough” and I came home with the kids and got them to bed when they needed to be in bed and if someone didn’t understand. TOO BAD!
Sorry I agree with the husband. You sound a bit selfish here. Family is important.
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One thing i get out of your feelings is that your husband may not fully understand the needs of your son and his needs to be kept with in his comfort zone. And if im not correct the best way to handle a lot of stimuli is to keep things as normal as possible. Not sure how far away they be may need to consider driving separately. Let him go earlier or stay later and you keep with what you feel is the best for your son…
I agree with the husband. And I have a child with autism. Nit putting the child on a strict routine that caters to thier every desire was actually VERY beneficial to her. She has learned that she is not the center of the universe and to flex with other members of the family/ life.
hun im sorry do what you feel is best. your son is autistic, schedule with autistic kids especially when, they are young is key. I have a cousin who is autistic and if his schedule deviats even a little, it doesn’t end well. and he struggles to sleep anywhere but home so definitely go with your gut and take a separate car if need be. if your husband refuses to understand that your child is autistic and can’t simply change his bedtime then he can let you take your son home and find his own way home
When we were past my son’s bed time I would ask if there was some place he could sleep and then I would stay with him in that room until he fell asleep. He was fine and I would slip out and go socialize more with the adults. Have a night light on in there so if he wakes up he can see where the door is and can go to you if he needs you.
I’m split, I agree with both but as the child is on the spectrum she might keep a routine to prevent meltdowns or tantrums. Maybe do a test run tomorrow or Christmas Eve to see what happens if he breaks his routine. I would say bring his Pjs but don’t change him into them till he starts showing signs of sleepiness. If anything the kid can sleep somewhere and the father can carry him to the car and in the house as it was his idea to leave late.
Normally I would side with your husband, however, because your son has autism I know there’s a possibility that he may become overstimulated at the party and mixing that with being over tired can be a recipe for disaster. Is there a way you could take separate cars? Maybe you could stay home with your son this year while your husband goes to the party? I know it may not be ideal however at least you know your son will have his routine and you won’t feel anxious at the party.
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Not a toddler yet but yes! Only for special occasions and she normally sleeps soo hard after we get home it’s amazing
If one of us wants to leave to take the kids home, we drive separately. We don’t leave somewhere just to get the kids home to bed. Consistently is best, but there are times that they stay up late.
Take separate vehicles. You and your child can leave when it gets close to bedtime and your husband can stay a little longer and enjoy socializing. That’s what me and my husband do sometimes with our child that has disabilities. Works great for us.
Mine go to bed at 8 as well. If we are at a family function (since it isn’t every day) we stay as late as the adults choose to an extent. Kids fall asleep, get moved to the car, then go home and moved to their beds. Side note: my six year old is also autistic and that length of time is tough for her sometimes too. But situations like that teach her to be flexible and practice her coping skills. Life won’t always be able to bend to her needs and this can be a teaching moment.
Can’t they make a pallet for the baby? That’s probably what out family would do, or let him sleep in someone’s bed until you all grab him and leave for the night. If this was an every day occurrence then I’d say you are right but just for holidays and special occasions?? It’s not going to disrupt enough of his sleeping schedule to really make a lasting effect. Could it be that you like having that excuse? Trust me, I get not feeling the most comfortable around in laws but in the end, you aren’t going anywhere and neither are they. Have fun! Play your phone, hang out with his family, but remember this is Christmas! God bless and prayers for you and your family. I’m sure it will all work out
My kids had to be in their own beds to be able to go to sleep so I kind of agree with mom.
Here is what I would try, if you son gets cranky due to either being tired or overstimulated then let your hubby deal with it, he’s the one who wants to stay and socialize, let him try and socialize with a upset toddler. I guarantee he won’t want to deal with it and will look to his you and then you need to say nope, your decision to stay, you deal with him. Sometimes tough love is needed for adults.
If your husband insists on staying past his son’s bedtime then maybe you can take 2 cars. You can leave and get baby in bed, and he can stay as late as he wants then go home. If he doesn’t like that and wants to go together and stay late and your son gets irritable and pitches a fit because he’s tired and done with being around everyone, you can say to him in front of everyone this is why I wanted to take 2 cars so you could stay and enjoy yourself and I could take him home because it’s not fair to let him get so upset because you wanted to stay late… but that’s just me. Good luck mama!
I understand both sides to this. Not following routine can make the next day rough or the child could melt down if up too late at the party. On the other hand, having a special needs child can be isolating. It is possible that everyone in the family has to revolve around that child’s needs which actually makes the child less adaptable.
Hers a suggestion that might work, develop a routine that is portable for going to sleep and use it at nap time or bedtime so your child is used to it. Ask host for quiet spot and put your child to sleep there at normal bedtime.
Cot- I have awesome one that folds like a camp chair.
Music playlist on my phone called nap. Play it every time they go to sleep.
I trained my husband to nap music and sleep mask while in the hospital. Use it on my grandson after that. It’s like a switch in their brain is triggered by it and they fall asleep fast.
This might be a tool to use so your child can go to sleep on time and your husband can socialize.
My parents took us to my grandparents house on Christmas Eve and we stayed until Midnight. There were four of us. If you were tired you went to sleep on the floor in the corner. You were woken up to walk to the car. Your gift was new pjs and you put them right on so when we got home everyone was ready for bed.
I don’t think children came first. I think my parents each felt their spouse came first.
Me personally, no. But I had a pretty good- go with the flow kinda kid who would just fall out and go to sleep anywhere if he felt like it (for the most part)but not all kids are the same and add in autism that could be a ticking time bomb. But I’m spiteful so I say stay, and when the kid ignites hand him to his father and tell him he wanted to stay so he can handle the melt down that leaving early would have prevented. Then go have a glass of wine with your sister-in-law!
Take 2 cars you leave when you need too! Let hubby stay and socialize!
Especially since there is autism involved and schedules and routines are SO important to (yes they are important with neuro typical kids too but even more so with autisitcs) 1000% you leave to get him home for his bedtime routine. Sounds like your husband needs to be more supportive of his son. Also, with COVID really need to be careful. Maybe just have the husband go and you and your son stay home so his routine is not compromised.
My child turns into a banshee if we take her off the schedule. I say if he wants to take him off the routine he has to be the one to put him down when your son will be over exhausted and over stimulated. I wouldn’t stay past his bedtime just because then it makes it harder to put them to bed.
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Maybe drive separate, take your son home when he is ready
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When we were kids and our parents visited later we were just put to bed and then either stayed overnight or they carried us to the car.
Your hubby sounds like an ass. But I have NEVER left an event early becaise of kids bedtime. Call me a horrible parent if you want but ive had my kids out till the wee hours. It isnt a big deal because there is always somewhere for them to sleep even if its just a stroller with blankets draped over it.
Yeah… with hubby. It’s not good to be too rigid with schedules. It doesn’t teach them that they sometimes have to “roll with the world”. Can you put him to bed at the party? I would find places to put kiddos to bed.
We took pajamas and toothbrushes. Kids would get ready for bed, fall asleep in the car on the way home and be carried in to bed.
Put his jammies on him and let him fall asleep there or take 2 cars if you want to leave.
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I take my daughter home and put her to bed. She does better on a set schedule. She would never sleep elsewhere then her own bed. I think it’s selfish to expect that of her. Especially as she is a child with Autism, she can’t handle changes in her routine. It’s torture for her.
Maybe you could drive separately so husband can stay late, and you can take your son home.
I had 6 kids we only messed there bedtime holidays or special occasions
It’s a “special occasion” as you said. If your child truly needs to be back in his own space, you go home and let your hubby stay. I would drive separately anyways. In case my hubby did something that irritated me. 
Fellow autism mom. From my experience throwing your kid out of whack that much… is it worth it? You know your kid best. In my experience that much change in schedule was too much and the fallout the next day was totally not worth it. But in the end you really know your kid the best.
Separate cars. When you have such strong preferences or needs; just drive yourself and leave in time to put your child to bed.
I’ve raised 3 children. They’re grown and have kids of their own now. 2.5 still needs naps. You say you don’t make yours take one but you could always tell him it’s a special day and you will be out later so he needs to rest. Personally I don’t think your husband is asking to much. It’s one thing I learned in 42 years of marriage and raising 3 girls. Just because you have children you still have to put your spouse first. Their the ones who will still be there when the kids are grown and move out. Always work on your marriage. I’m not saying to push your kids aside. Not at all. They are very important. You have to find the right balance. If you don’t want to put him down for a much needed nap then let him lay in grandma’s bed if he gets tired at the party. Nothing wrong with that. It’s a win win solution.
Bring pjs , movie and let him sleep. Wrap up in blanket and take him home .
I agree with you to a point. Other occasions yea, but Thanksgiving and Christmas are meant for family. And the family clearly knows your child has autism. It’ll be ok to stay longer, or for that matter agree to go earlier than 4. 