I. Would. Be. Po. For. Real
He. Doesn’t. Kick. His. Ass. To. The. Curb. You. Will. See. What. Choice. He. Makes
Out of respect neither of us have exs on ours. Deleting the conversation is the only thing that has a flag up to me. Some exs can indeed be friends and not be a threat. Sometimes people find they’re better off friends.
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Are you married? If not, tell him good bye. Sounds like he wants to have two women or who knows - maybe more. Don’t get pregnant - - - he sounds like a loser.
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No your not over reacting. they are still talking to each other in inappropriate conversations and that’s why he don’t want you to see it . I would leave him if I was you . I wish you best of luck to you on your next relationship you may find your self in .
Again. Get. Rid. Of. Him. Easier. Said. Than. Done. But. C how. He. Acts. When. You. Tell. Him. He. Has. To. Go
I’d give him back to her with a ribbon tied on
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Honestly one of my exes is one of my best friends. My boyfriend has no issue with it. But there’s also no trust issues between my boyfriend and I. We have access to each other’s phones, passcodes, all of it. There’s nothing there to hide. 
Girl run. If he feels the need to delete messages he’s hiding something. Red Flagg
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I’m friends with SEVERAL of my exes, including my ex husband. My husband doesn’t care. He trusts me and I trust him. But if something is going on behind your back, then there is a problem. Not everyone’s situation is the same. My ex husband’s wife and I are best friends and my husband and ex are friends!
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I’d do the same exact thing he does 
let’s play.
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Deleting messages is always a bad sign. 
Her asking him to go out for a lunch date and him not removing her is a big red flag, you aren’t over reacting.
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I had both of our exs on my FB. I was so annoyed that these pos didn’t help raise our kids, but were sharing all their happy times and purchases all over FB. For my sanity I shut it down and opened a new one. Now they can’t find me. 
Tell him he can keep her, if you can add all your ex guys.
Your feelings are VALID, whether anyone else agrees or not. Since he obviously doesnt care about or respect your feelings, why are you there?! 
If he can delete the messages, but not the girl, he’s a sketch ball.
If he’s deleting messages then he’s hiding something. Go with the guy. If he can’t respect you enough to stop talking to her then they are most likely not completely over. Dump him
Leave he will never change
Not Overreacting Leave Or Return Energy! Men Dont Realize How You Feel About Something Till U Do It To Him!
In all honesty I think it depends on the reasons regarding their split and did they agree to be friends after the split…
Bring friends with an ex doesn’t have to be an issue. If a partner can be friends with an ex, it shows their maturity and that previous relationships ended on good terms. The fact they deleted messages so you couldn’t see them. Is a huge red flag though.
Ex’s are ex’s for a reason if he doesn’t care about ur feelings and quite happy to take them out to lunch and deleting the messages then it’s a definite good bye from me I suggest u find someone that cares for u and about ur feelings etc … they have no kids together nothing to keep them in touch u need to do what’s best for u … their clothes would be outside in a bag with a note go live with ur ex Beth Davies what’s ur views
Defo okay to be friends with ex’s on facebook however the arranging to meet for lunch and deleting of messages is a big red flag as is his response to your feelings I would definatley be getting rid you deserve more than that x
I think your partner doesnt respect you. Before we got married me and my husband then boyfriend did a clear out of people on facebook. I think if you respect each other then he would do what you ask
The fact he deleted messages is a huge red flag. I would be calling it quits. Why does he care if he has her on social media? You’re his future now. Leave gf, it’ll just get worse 
You’ve said it yourself! He doesn’t care at all! If he did he would have deleted her for you
This is the only part that needs to be read.
BUH BYE
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My question is why are still there? He knows how it makes you feel. Innocent people don’t delete messages unless they’re deleting everyone’s messages. They either have something going on or he was talking about you in a way he shouldn’t be to anyone let alone an ex.
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Normally in situations like this one doesnt understand the issue until the role is reversed. I would ask him how he would feel if you were doing the same thing. Would he be okay with it or upset? My guess is he wouldnt like it either. Most folks can dish out things but can’t take it. This a big red flag. If he has nothing to hide then he wouldn’t delete the messages. Good luck! Love, hugs and prayers! 
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Honestly leave - save yourself the headache and heartache. It’s so not worth it. If he’s deleting messages, he’s got something to hide. Once the trust is broken you’ll never fully get it back. If he truly loved you and cared about you he wouldn’t disregard your feelings for the sake of an ex.
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No… does he approve of you doing same. There’s something else going on. He needs to end that chapter. She needs too stop responding or being involved.
It can be true that teen friends are just that-friends…but still some emotion will kick in.
You’re not overreacting.
It’s her or you.
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Men only understand when it’s done to them, my advise go add some of your ex’s and show him instead of telling him how it feels. Deleted messages is a big problem. If he doesn’t value your feelings that is also a problem.
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I personally wouldn’t have an issue with them being FB Friends, however you have told him how much it bothers you and he still refuses to fix the situation, that is just disrespectful. Then deleting the messages is totally wrong on a whole other level. If he’s not doing anything wrong then why delete it? If it was all innocent, he should have let you read them.
You are definitely not crazy for feeling the way you do. Honestly once trust has been broken, it’s very hard to get back, especially when he doesn’t seem be willing to correct the situation. I would probably consider very hard about leaving. Safe yourself more heartache.
I am so sorry your going threw this.
Gut trust your gut …delete the female for him how bout that or add your ex too…or better yet let her keep him and save yourself a worse heart break because if he deleting he is definitely up to no good.
I talk to a few of my ex’s on Facebook but the thing is my husband knows and doesn’t care. I just think if he doesn’t respect your feelings now, you don’t need to continue a relationship with him. People change a little bit as they get older but not much.
I wouldn’t necessarily care if they were friends on Facebook but deleting messages? That brings it to a whole new level. You’re definitely not overreacting. If he’s deleting their messages, there’s something he didn’t want you to see
If there is no respect for your feelings and or your concerns. There is no reason for y’all to continue a relationship.
If he’s deleting his messages, than he has something to hide.
Making you believe you’re crazy is a form of abuse, you deserve better.
Time to take the higher road and walk away, he is the one “cooked in the head” for thinking it’s ok to treat you this way. Time to live happier without him. Let him go back to his EX.
If it bothers you in the slightest for whatever reason you’d think he would be considerate of his partner (you) and try to resolve the situation in a way that makes you both comfortable. I dont mind that my hubby has a few of his exs that he remained friends with from his home state on social media, but my man doesn’t delete messages and make me out to be the bad guy when genuine questions come up.
If I were you I’d trust my gut and if you can’t trust him then walk away. Him also saying you’re cooked in the head isn’t respectful soooo he is disrespectful to you and you don’t trust him…warning signs, walk away.
The being friends with ex thing doesn’t really bother me. But him deleting their messages and calling you crazy and dismissing your feelings is a big problem. That makes me think there is still something going on between them.
I let my husband be friends with ex’s and old crushes. I trust him completely and he always shows me all messages and tells me every time they contact him. Even though I’ve told him he doesn’t have too. That being said he asked if it was o.k. and if I had said no or asked him to unfriend/block them he would. The fact that his ex is more important than your feelings is concerning.
If you have to hide anything from your partner… I consider it cheating. If not cheating, it’s the steps before cheating. Cheating can be mental as well as physical. So if he is deleting messages, it means he doesn’t want you to see them. That’s a red flag or at least a cause for concern.
Its disrespectful and I would feel like a rebound waiting to see what happens. To me with the little context we got it seems like they’re not over the relationship they had and may be secretly rekindling it. That’s how I would feel anyways and I would just step back. Not to let them settle it but for my own peice of mind.
I’d lose my shit! No no and no! No kids…no ties! Your feelings are valid. If he doesn’t respect that, ask how he’d feel if you went to lunch with an ex or was deleting messages?! Talk about it first. But if he can’t respect you then leave.
No kids, no ties, so why do they keep ‘em? An ex shouldn’t take priority over a current relationship ANY day imo, & if a man is disregarding your emotions and feelings on the matter to keep someone else close, then he’s got one foot out the door
Definitely huge red flag. I had this for over 3 years with my ex. Always trust your gut! You’re never far wrong… something is definitely off here
Deleting messages is sketchy. If it makes you uncomfortable he needs to take that into consideration. You’re his gf not him. Def weird about lunch too.
Sorry I deleted my post because I read this wrong. I thought you said “who he had kids with” not that he had no kids with.
Anyways, deleting test is weird but so is going through somebody phone. So I see two wrongs.
A friend gave me the best advice years ago… if he’s putting someone else’s feelings before yours- there’s all you need to know. If he knows it hurts you but he won’t let that person go to make you feel secure- he’s choosing her over you. Just my opinion…
I am friends with tons of mine on FB. We are still friends. I don’t delete messages because I have nothing to hide. If he is deleting messages then something is up. That is the red flag I see.
My husband and I are both friends with ex’s on Facebook & neither of us have a problem with it. But, if either of us asked the other to delete someone or read their messages we would let each other, so the deleting messages part is weird to me!
My ex and I are still friends on FB and in life. We were married for 23 years, and although we grew apart he will ALWAYS have a piece of my heart. My current partner had a hard time with this concept at first bc he and his ex are not friends, but with time and trust he now understands and admires it. Being friends with an ex says a lot about the depth of your love for those you choose to be in your life.
It’s either you or her, simple as that. If he can’t let her go, then he had to let you go. Been in a similar situation, it sucks ass being right all along, but somehow I was lying
This ones tricky, the deleting messages is a bit of a red flag, but how do you know that’s what he’s doing unless you’re checking up on him? If they ended amicably then there really shouldn’t be any issues with being friends?
I am still good friends with an ex, we ended on good terms and see each other from time to time, but there is nothing between us other than friendship…
instinctively you should be able to tell if there’s more between them than just wanting to be friends still.
Him telling you you’re crazy is not cool, however is that because you are constantly giving him crap for it?
Bottom line I guess is that if there is no trust, you’re better off leaving
Not over reacting at all. I would not feel comfortable with my hubby friends with his ex especially if they don’t have kids together. There’s no reason they need to still be friends
If you are not okay with it and ha e spoken your true feelings to him and he does not respect that, then your relationship is basically over. My ex and I are amicable. He sent me a friend request, and out of respect for my boyfriend, I could not accept it.
I dont see respect here.
Won’t deleted her. Keeps in contact plus deletes messages. Avoids how you feel plus calls you names in the midst of it all. Girl you deserve better. Tell him to go be with his ex. And take yourself on to celebrate being single.
My boyfriend does not have his ex on fb. And thats because i wasnt comfortable with it. They even have a child together. But he respected my reasons. I think the way your boyfriend is acting towards you is wrong, and that should be a big red flag, and should be taken into consideration before the ex on social media.
My rule of thumb, if you don’t have children together, what do y’all have to talk about? Didn’t y’all already break-up? So that means y’all were unable to “talk about” and find a solution that kept the two of you together. You won’t be chit chatting with your ex on my time. If you have that much to still say, should’ve stayed together. BTW it’s selfish as hell to include a new person to an unsettled situation.
Not overreacting. It’s called respect. I bet if the show was on the other foot he’d flip.
I would get all dolled up and when he asks where your going tell him out to eat with your ex. See how he feels then. After that I’d end things. Obviously there’s still feelings there or else he wouldn’t be friends with her.
Saying you’re messed up in the head is a form of gaslighting and that is abusive. That can escalate very quickly and tear you down mentally. I am shocked that there are so few comments about this.
You’re not overreacting, if there wasn’t anything there still he would’ve been deleted her/blocked her. He still has feelings for her
I’m friends with exes on Facebook. As some are better friends then they were partners🤷.
BUT that being said…I don’t hide convos…I don’t do lunch…lol…and I listen to my Mr. If he had an issue and wanted them off my Facebook…they’d be off 
. If valid.
So being friends isn’t a red flag to me…is the response to your feelings about it that tell me that you should leave…cuz he’s hiding it and then turning the blame on you…you’re crazy…not that he’s disrespecting you and your relationship.
Gaslighting.
Girl leave. It’ll save you hurt in the long run🤷.
I am “friends” with some exes, but they are distant past, we have all moved on, created our own lives and our only interaction is facebook and reunion time. Nothing gets deleted and nothing hidden. He is obviously trying to derail your relationship - she can keep him in her life in which case you need to look hard at her and her reasoning for having anything to do with him. Or, the next time he disrespects you, ask her to handle it once and for all. If she does nothing, she is encouraging it.
Very odd for him to go out of his way to delete their correspondence if he knows that you are aware of their friendship. My mind would be all over the place with this, even if their relationship is truly platonic at this point, what on earth would they need to delete messages for? Is he talking to her about you? Are they reminiscing? Is he trying to avoid catching blowback from you for talking to her after you’ve made it clear that it makes you uncomfortable? He is totally disregarding how this situation is making you feel. Lack of respect. If it was truly as benign of a relationship as he is trying to portray it to be, he shouldn’t feel the need to hide it from you. I am not a fan of the gaslighting behavior on his part either. Typical deflection tactic that guilty people use to detract from the really issue at hand, they try to lay the blame on anyone/anything other than their own actions. Lack of accountability. Girl, this guy is made of red flags.
Have some worth for your self an move on life is to short to deal with b,s relationships like this go be happy an add happiness to your happiness
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Every relationship dynamic is different. If you’re uncomfortable with it it’s not ok. Trust your gut.
Red flag sorry hun. His actions are not respectful on any level. It’s time to move on and attract an honest respectful relationship. He has no respect
I wouldn’t mind them being fb friends but he’s got something to hide if he’s deleting messages,
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His behavior wouldn’t sit well with me. It’s already been discussed between u both and I feel he’s been unreasonable with how this makes u feel. He sounds like he’s hiding something to me. I’d be done.
The red flag for me is him telling you that your feelings are crazy. No matter how we feel about our partners opinions or feelings we have no right to belittle it if they’re feeling bad about something.
If he knows you hate it and are uncomfortable with it then it shouldn’t even be a question for him to stop talking to her and delete her. If he wanted that relationship he should’ve stayed in it. Instead he’s with you now so he should treat you with respect and he should not be speaking to her. Sounds like to me there are a lot of unresolved feelings there and maybe even cheating since he’s deleting messages. You only delete messages you don’t want people to see. So I’d say if I were you I would just go. If he doesn’t respect and value your thoughts and feelings while dating he never will if you are married. Go find a real man who understands and doesn’t have to make you get on a website and ask for advise about him. They are out there. This dude isn’t it. Let him go back to his ex and discover why they broke up in the first place. Everyone always thinks the grass is greener till the realize it’s fertilized with bullshit. Go find a good man. Someday he will regret treating you poorly.
Regardless of trust or overreacting, if someone makes you uncomfortable and your significant other can’t remove them, that’s your answer. That’s my opinion
Nope. Throw the dude away. You only delete messages if there is something to be hidden. The fact that he goes to name calling shows that your feelings are irrelevant and he’s up to something. Walk away with you sanity while you can.
RED flag…you should be aware of anything going on. But Why are they chatting at all? Was it an ok breakup, do you know the history? Do you ALL hang out? Deleting messages PERIOD, red flag…then gaslights you and doesn’t take your feelings into consideration making it seem like you are the issue…GET OUT…so sorry but not good…
I don’t trust easily, hence I’ve been single for many years. Sounds like a player, the fact that you have expressed concern and this is still continuing should give you a good indication where you sit in his life.
An ex is an ex for a reason. There is no reason they should be talking, especially in secret. If he was upfront with you in the beginning that he has a friend that’s an ex and that will not change for your relationship, then that’s another story. Im sure your boo can find other friends in this world that doesnt include someone hes dated. If he can’t agree, then don’t be with him.
He has let you know that his ex is a permanent fixture in his life. You can either accept this or move on with your life. No he won’t change, I have learned these lessons the hard way.
Between being friends with his ex and the fact that he told you you’re “cooked in the head”, shows that he has no respect for you. What are you waiting for? Time to move on.
It’s about mutual respect and putting eachother first…if something makes you feel uncomfortable in any way, he should respect you enough to put a stop to it.
Bottom line, you need to guard your relationship from outside influences (both of you) and if you don’t, then you’re inviting trouble…
Bottom line do you trust him?
If not move on.
It’s OK to have an ex as a friend. Just because they didn’t work in a romantic relationship doesn’t mean they don’t or can’t have a friendship.
I was in the exact same situation, he gaslit me to fuck about it then I found out he’d been talking to her intimately saying he’d just had a baby with someone he’s not supposed to be with (me) and bitching about me telling her I was lazy when I was upstairs in bed with a raging fever due to a bad case of mastitis, going to see her behind my back all the while calling me childish and saying he doesn’t even talk to her when I expressed how it made me uncomfortable
So suffice to say, I kicked him out. Loads of other revelations about his character came to the surface too. But reading your post was deja vu
I’d leave since he doesn’t “care about your feelings” or did those words not come out of his mouth? If they did full heartedly I’d walk away.
My husband still talks to a couple of his ex. Actually one still comes and hangs out sometimes. If he talks to them he tells me and I can read his phone whenever I want I just choose not to because I trust him
I’m friends with my exes and still talk to their parents I see nothing wrong with it. Its jealousy that gets every relationship over the top. Some have relationships and those women have requested me as a friend on fb as well. To this day we are still friends. A relationship didn’t work for us for certain reasons and figured just being friends work way better. There’s no hatred or resentment. It also helped my exes girlfriend see that there was no reason to be jealous. If your constantly bickering about exes you will never be happy and him deleting messages most likely doesn’t want to start a fight. Why don’t you sit down with his ex and talk it out see what’s going on. Be an adult about it and see why he still remains friends with her. There must be something that are keeping them friends
U can choose to turn a blind eye to something obvious thats going on or u can be smart and leave. When will women realize if their feelings don’t matter to a guy now they probably never will? He’s trying to make u seem crazy or overreacting over something that any logical person would be concerned or worried about. Sounds like hes narcissistic and you’re already probably wrapped around his finger(hopefully not).u had to come on here for more convincing because he made you feel like your feelings need to be backed up. Why are u letting that man make you question yourself, your feelings, if they’re valid? U know what’s right and what’s not. U already know in your heart the truth no matter what opinion u get on here its not gonna change wether or not something is really going on. My man would not be okay with me having any ex on my Facebook let alone talk to one and the fact he thinks it’s so okay. Ex is ex. Left in the past. Once u move on into a new relationship u leave that person alone just out of respect for your partner so there is no feelings of insecurity. No chance for a slip up to happen. Sounds like he cares more about this ex’s feelings because he won’t let her go and he is saying fuck your feelings altogether about it. He’s already pretty much choose her over you.
Oof, Iv been there. Deleting messages is definitely shady… I think if he was open an honest about what they chat about that would be one thing. But clearly he isn’t. If you expressed that it makes you uncomfortable and want her deleted and he refuses I think it’s best to move on, he’s choosing to hold on to her, ya know 
I’m pretty sure my husband is friends with his ex’s on Facebook? I’m friends with some of my ex’s on facebook. Neither of us have anything to hide though. I wouldn’t say that for one how did the relationship end? And if he’s getting defensive and hiding messages then that’s not ok.
Just the fact he deleted messages says something right there! Friends on Facebook is one thing but deleting messages and going out with them, especially since they don’t have any kids together is a NO for me. My mindset is if you go out with her then take your shit with you and don’t come back. Point blank. He has no business going out with EX for any reason.
Nope not okay! Trust your feelings. They will always make you feel like you’re overreacting but you are NOT.
I’m friends with a couple exes on Facebook still and we will catch up from time to time. However he’s deleting messages which means he’s hiding something. Trust your gut on this one and don’t ignore the red flag.
Deleting messages I draw a line my husband is friend with some of his exs but so am I. But you start deleting messages we are gonna have a problem
I am friends with my exhusband but he is my daughter’s father. My current husband knew what he was getting into when we got together. My current husband and my ex husband get along great! They get together to BBQ with both of my/our kids when I am work. BUT NO matter what I would NEVER delete messages from anyone or hide anything from my current husband. He is my world and I do not want him to ever have reason to question my loyalty. Sounds like your other half doesn’t truly care about you or your feelings. Run far and fast honey, get out now. Whether he is cheating or not is another conversation. But he doesn’t care about you, that’s what it boils down to in the end. Best of luck sweetheart!
If he cant respect your feelings move on. Obviously he is hiding something because there is no reason to delete messages.
No offense but you know damn well he is lying. You’re seeing all the signs in front of you and that he’s being shady but you need to trust your intuition
Nope, sounds like he still has feelings for her so time to let him go. He had zero respect for you and your relationship!
My ex refused to delete his ex’s or girls who were super flirty and made me uncomfortable. Come to find out he cheated the whole relationship…so that’s cool.
I’ve got exs on my friends list and he’s currently staying with his while he works out of town
We just trust each other 
I’m friends with my husbands ex on Facebook . I love cheering her on and sharing photos with her that way too . It’s okay for us . Now my ex and husband being friends wouldn’t work because I came out of a dv relationship . It depends on the situation .