So this is a fine line… you are wrong for needing to read his messages, and he is definitely wrong for deleting them!! It shows huge lack of trust on your part, and also shows his disregard for your feelings. Could he be deleting them just because he is tired of being accused of something he may or may not be doing? Possibly. There is no way to know if they are just friends. It is possible to be just friends with your ex. My ex husband lives 15 mins away frome and my current husband. Now we have all known own each other since the process of my divorce. He has been to our home with his now adopted son and he has been in my home as a last minute sitter for an appt. Caring for my toddler with my now husband. But I try to ensure most visits have all parties present, I wouldn’t want my husband uncomfortable for any reason. He fully trusts me, but let’s be serious… to much conversation or visits would make the best of anyone have questions. So you really need to ask YOURSELF not others…is this your insecurities?? Or do you actually feel something else is going on? If it is the latter of the two, there is your answer. If he is going to cheat with her or anyone for that matter, he can most certainly do it without the assistance of any social media. So cutting off conversation isn’t going to make an honest man… he is faithful or he isn’t… that has nothing to do with you.
Im friends w my exhusband and we dont have kids 
Exs are exs for a reason. Not all relationships have to end badly… Sometimes it’s better just as friends.
I am still friends on f b with my ex. We also text good morning just about every day and chat. We chat about nothing in particular. Tell him you wouldn’t be acting like you are if he’ll quit deleting messages.
His relationship with her is more important than urs .so yeah get up and go. He wants his old relationship back. Leave and let Karma do it’s thing.
Its Time To Accept The Fact That What He Is Doing Is A Major Direspect To You In More Than One Way. He Is Calling You Names And The Disrespect Will Become GREATER.HOLD YOUR HEAD UP AND ITS TIME TO LEAVE THAT CLOWN OUT THERE IN THE CIRCUS AND MOVE FORWARD AND GIVE YOURSELF TIME TO HEAL YOU AND THE RIGHT PERSON WILL COME IN YOUR LIFE WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT, YOU ARE A QUEEN REMEMBER THAT.
I was with my ex for 25 years and married for 22 of those. Trust is huge both ways. You know your partner and when they are off or act differently. As my marriage counselor put one time, he said to my ex, “ your wife should be able to pick up your phone and look through it and vise versa.” No secrets or surprises when you’re not doing anything wrong.
You know your answer stick with your gut feeling. Making you feel less than is never okay. Today I am remarried to an incredible man who has two phone one personal, one work and I can look anytime. Out of respect if his ex reaches out to him he tells me all about the conversation. He doesn’t have to, but I love and respect him for it because it doesn’t leave me wondering where I stand in our relationship. I’m the priority and he makes that very clear. 
You will be okay follow your gut…it’s never wrong.
Most people keep their exs around for a reason. 
I like the ones that keep their exs around that treated them like crap and they sit and heart their stuff and comment on their stuff.
yeah that don’t say much.
You clearly said he don’t care about your feelings… that should be your answer.
They’re an ex for a reason why even be friends with them
Unless there was a motive
Red flags if that’s what really happened. Move on now when it’s easier rather when complicated. Put yourself first always. Never put yourself aside for anyone.
Deleting messages. Im done 
. No kids? No reason to be friends. Period. I’d be walking away and tell them they can have each other.
I don’t believe ex’s being friends. The sexual tension is there and it’s hard to believe it goes away. I’d be mad too. I got trust issues though. My ex fiancé (we’re together 5 years) is now banging my sister and is friends with my ex. Although they hated eachtoeher while we were together. Lost a sister too.
Trust your gut.
I wish I would have.
This means he wants her back, and the second she’ll allow that he’ll be gone, I would log in to his fb on your phone and read along with the massages, because this is the biggest red 
you can get
Nope not over reacting. I’d he is hiding messages than there is something going on. I think he needs to be your ex…
My hubby has 2 kids with his ex and deleted her off of there when she started acting ridiculous and attempted to manipulate him, so…
Sounds like someone is hiding something. He’s with you now, and it’s ok to have friends but it’s not ok to disregard your feelings as his couple. There should be no problem not hiding messages and if he loves you he would have no problem cutting her out of his life as the past, because you’re supposed to be his other half now not anyone else.
In general I wouldn’t care, but because he’s now deleting messages and gaslighting you I’d have a major problem.
Deleting messages?!? And she didn’t say if the lunch was the two of them alone or if she was also invited. If she isn’t invited, there is absolutely something very wrong. Run for the hills while you can. Imagine being married to this kind of man later yikes!!!
No kids no reason in my view … now I will state I have an ex on mine but we only talk when it deals with a loss of a friend or family member . But also ex as in middle/Jr high…m now both of us are pushing 50
No you’re not overreacting. Can’t trust men with past feelings or relationships with girls. Even the ones you think are the best are just like the rest. Save yourself some heart ache and have a relationship with yourself. Take yourself out. Buy yourself something new, go have fun being free and you.
The relationship is Not appropriate and not ok. Especially if he’s deleting messages. My advice is get out while you can and find someone who chooses you.
The moment he told you your cooked in the head and deleted his messages… your gut already knows whats goin on. Follow it!
You are only there. His heart and feelings are elsewhere, sad but true. Dump the a hole.
To be honest , they shouldn’t still be in contact .
Deleting the messages is where I’d be bothered. I’m friends with my ex and so is my husband. We chat sometimes. Our dads went to highschool together and sang together so we like to stay in touch.
I’m friends with 2 of my ex’s on facebook and I been with my bf for 2 months now. I was very honest from the beginning about it and I even sometimes tell him bout our conversations. So being friends with an ex on fb is ok but its knowing those boundaries. Like hiding and deleting messages and meeting up with them is a big no no.
My bf hangs out with an ex once a month and has exes as friends. I have multiple exes on my friends list. I guess it depends on how long it’s been since they’ve broken up, why they broke up and if there’s still feelings.
All the red flags. Sounds like he has zero respect for you or your relationship
Just leave. It’s not worth the fight. Behind this one lie so many others if that is something he sees as okay.
If you cant trust your partner to be friends online with an ex I think there’s a problem already especially if he is deleting conversations
Easy, he doesn’t respect you, he is hiding something. Time to walk away.
Depends on the relationship and your trust level. My husband is friends with his ex (sons mother) and I am not with mine because we arent friends, we just co-parent and I dont care what hes doing LOL
if he’s deleting messages that should answer your question.
he’s clearly hiding something. 
If he doesn’t care how you feel, you already know what you need to do. Don’t waste time and leave for your own sake.
Wouldn’t say you are overreacting my man has his exs on his fb but he also doesn’t hide anything from me …does it bother me I mean yea at times we are only human but I trust my man and he trusts me
My husband had ex’s on Facebook but he isnt having private conversations etc with any of them, including one who is one of his best friends still.
You either trust him or not. If not, why stay with him? Make good decisions.
I would be okay with it until he deleted messages. Then I would be mad.
… and he deletes their messages? Nope, nope, NOPE. THEN tells you, you’re the one with the problem? Run
Red flags, trust me, if he’s deleting messages and and getting defensive, something is going on
There is no need for him to be friends with her on Facebook but the huge red flag is the deleted messages
He’s cheating on you with her and maybe others…tell him to go and he needs to grow up.
Personally id leave because if he’s to delete stuff its getting to the stage were he dont care. You shouldn’t talk to anyone who liked, likes,or have dated you at all when on a new relationship
It’s the deleted conversations for me. Like do you for sure know he deleted texts? Are you going on his phone? Thats sus af. With that said. No I don’t have a problem with my bf being friends on fb w his ex. Or even another female. I don’t care. I trust him. If I felt like it was an issue then I would leave. I can’t tell him who he can and cannot talk to I am not his keeper. He is a grown man and choose whomever he wants to be friends with or engage with.
He has no reason to be communicating with his ex like that I wouldn’t it’s you or her he has to make a choice
You spelled ex wrong hun.
Your partner is telling u the answer to this you’re just not believing them…
I wouldn’t say ur over acting at all its more like he hasn’t really let her go and wants to keep track of what she’s doing
Once a girl becomes by ex, I do my damnedest to stay as far away from them as I can.
The secrecy is why you should be like
Hell no kick him to the curb and then get to have his cake and eat it too
He is hiding something if he deletes messages
If hes gonna cheat he’s gonna cheat .if not with her than someone else .
I say get even and have one of your friends act as a guy that you dated and pose with her as a guy
Tell him when he goes to meet her for lunch to leave your key on the counter and don’t let the door hit him on the way out 
The deleting is suspicious but knowing he deleted messages is also suspicious.
Your boundaries are yours find people who respect them.
You’re not overreacting, especially if he erases texts.
I find it works one way: she thinks it’s OK to be friends, both in person and on FB, for HER but not for me. She claims its easier for the female to keep within the “boundaries of friendship” then it is for a guy. HELLO, isn’t your ex a guy? How about his boundaries?
My husband and I are both friends with one of his exes and one of mine on FB
Being friends? Fine, whatever. Deleting messaging with that person? Hiding shit. Leave. It won’t change.
My boyfriend would delete someone I asked him to. Ex or not. Vice versa. He does have an ex or two on his FB, but he doesn’t speak to them at all. And when any female messages him at all, he tells me what said bc he knows what I’ve been thru.
Lunch and deleted texts r red flags up to you to ignore them or pay attention nothing we say is gone change your decision you already made
Cheating, when he erasing messeges . Be loyal or get out .
Big no. The ex needs to move on.
Time to make him an ex. Bet he won’t keep you on his fb and keep contact after !
Nope not at all, I told my boyfriend if he wants another woman she’s welcome to him.
Don’t ever beg anyone the right man will do u right 
u shouldn’t of even had to ask
Do you have any of your exes on your fb?
Let her have him sis, move on.
Inappropriate & Unfiltered Momma My question is how old is the message? If they are immediate deleted then something up but a few days later then don’t see a problem.
This who have nothing to hide, hide nothing.
I would have left at “your cooked in the head”…
He’s cheating on you, run.
i think you have the right to feel like you do!
She’d either have to go or I would
Girl run. Hiding messages is cheating.
Sounds like you need a new man in your life.
BIG red flag here! ? You’re feelings don’t matter?! Wow, RUN
Not over reacting at all
Yeah big red flag id leave before it ends bad
Do you have an ex that you can FB and go to lunch with???
Friends on FB no biggie but to go out to lunch? No…
I’m friends with almost all of my exes, but I see through their crap and I would never hook up or get back together with any of them. I still like them for the reasons I did from the start, but as far as relationships go, hell no. Any time my ex gets a new girlfriend though, we stop talking. It’s just a respect thing. If we had kids together then talking would be fine, but deleting the messages is definitely a red flag.
Honestly in my opinion I’d delete messages to even if simple ones like hello and goodbye if my partner were to start trying to tell me who I could and couldn’t be friends with. People can be friends with exes and still go out and about with people and do stuff like friends. Even if dont have kids together people can still be friends even if they are exes. It’s all about Trust. He probably does respect you and your feelings but get real anyone who tries to control who someone can be friends with is wrong no matter who that person is. Unless there’s evidence of something going on(and I don’t believe the messages are it in this situation because he started deleting them I assume once you started pushing the topic) then I’d drop it and have trust. Heck if they are gonna have lunch ask if you can tag along to meet her to maybe feel more comfortable with who she is🤷♀️
He’s allowed to be friends with who ever he wants. Don’t like it? Move along then and let him find some one else 
you need to grow up
You are not overreacting here. He needs to respect you and delete his ex from social media.
I wouldn’t mind them being Facebook friends, but deleting messages and going out to lunch is going too far!!
Being friends isn’t the problem. I’m sure everyone has atleast one ex they’ve remained friends with. Its the delete messages, getting defensive, and trying to make you feel like you’re nuts for having feelings. That’s the issue, and a big red flag
Didn’t bother me at all ultimately she removed him because she couldn’t handle watching our ife that she could not get from him(all because he wouldn’t convert to her religion) 
don’t be jealous and controlling or you will be an ex too.
Time for him to be YOUR ex! If he can’t respect you, be open and honest, just imagine what he’s really hiding!
It’s weird. And obviously something is up if he has to delete messages.
If he’s expressed doesn’t care, move around sis. He literally doesn’t care.
He’s on some bs. Go add some exs as friends n delete the messages. Watch him flip out
I think he can be keeping her on there just in case he decides to reach out to her
Nope. Deleting msgs is proof you’re not being childish, but rightly sus. ‘Childish’ is also a term that people use to be superior over someone else. Is he older than you by more than a few years? Also, making it seem like you’re imagining things between him & her, & making you question if it was the overreaction of a crazy person is basically gaslighting.
Tell him you can’t stand guys who hide stuff & that think the woman is too stupid to figure stuff out. If he’s only guilty of some minor thing he’ll try to explain to prove his innocence, & you can hear him out before deciding anything. If he just doesn’t care, calls you nasty names, tries to spin it around on you, blames you somehow, or whatever… Drop his loser a**. Those are abusive behaviors and he’ll never love or respect a woman the way she deserves.
Then tell him you’re gonna go hang out with your ex and have dinner…see if hes ok with it.
Is any one an adult in this group or page?
Didn’t realize people had to give up friendships, exes whether had children or not.
Tbh hes probably cheating and hes projecting. Leave asap🤦
Time to part ways. He’s still banging her
Sounds like there being sneaky
Leave him he’s not the one they definitely have something for each other still and she’s and he are both disrespectful to your marriage