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QUESTION:
"(5+ years) We love each other but I get bored with sex…bored doing the same things every day…talking about the same things every day? We both work, go home, take care of our toddler, etc. Barely have time to go on dates. Tried to "spice things up" in the bedroom but there's no "spark" anymore. He's always the one to initiate sex because my sex drive has been super low lately. I'm just wondering if any other couple goes thru this and what you've done about it."
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"I don’t have a toddler but 6 years with my hubby and it happens from time to time. Just try your best to do small things to make it interesting again"
"If you’re feeling bored with life in general then try a new hobby or a new fun hairstyle or something before you decide you’re bored with your husband. Maybe you’re just bored with yourself. Or maybe you could try changing up your routines, you know, instead of “meatloaf monday” you could try a totally new dish and cook it together? Instead of the same old TV shows y’all always watch, do a movie night. Things like that. Instead of yard work do an at home spa day together. It also might not be a bad idea to take a few personal days here and there. Let him go fishing or camping or whatever he likes to do and then you go have coffee or bruch with your girlfriends. Like one weekend each month is your weekend to yourself. Since you have a small child, you could take turns. Remember this above all: your happiness is in YOU, not someone else. You know the saying, “If you’re bored than you’re boring.” So instead of thinking about what you’re unhappy with, try looking at the many ways you’re blessed. Good luck."
"If your sex drive is low, have you gone to the doc to see if something is wrong?"
"Have you ever talked to your partner about that? I think better communication helps with getting what you really want out of a relationship by being honest. You never know your partner might be feeling the exact same way or worse! Talking about sex and what you really like and want and what’s too far with your partner, should really help improve your relationship together…"
"I’ve been with my husband for 19 years we have 3 kids, 15 and 13. It happens, but u have to communicate that that is how ur feeling and u have to make an effort to change it. For us, we go to the adult store, watch porn, flirt more, when we r in the mood even if it’s in the afternoon we make it a point to step away to have our moment. Have u told him ur bored? That might be a great place to start. Tell him what ur into, get a vibrator and spend some time alone if I don’t already. And like the others have said , if a low sex drive is not ur normal maybe talk to ur doctor."
"I feel like this is completely normal in every long term relationship."
"Commitment is staying when you’re bored"
"My sex drive was zero when I was on the implant birth control. Got it out and things went back to normal not long after that. But talking to your Dr can help if it’s something else."
"I think everyone goes through the dry spell of a relationship. Me and my husband did. It was awful. We hardly had sex much less time for each other. Then we started do dates together. We would go and just get a bottle of wine and an appetizer and just sit and talk. He opens my doors for and makes sweet jesters towards me. It’s so nice. We have been married 14 1/2 years have 5 kids that r mostly grown. We now have sex everyday sometimes twice a day and we r both in our 40’s. If u want it to work u have to put forth a lot of effort and be willing to try new things. It’s tough with kids but it does get better the older they get."
"Try going on a “first date” he leaves to get u flowers and picks u up from the house, dress up nice, flirt with each other like it’s the first time your going on a date. Then go to the movies or for a walk in the park til late."
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