I say good bye and start my on life
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Iâd be leaving if it were me. If he wants a separate space to work it out heâs probably entertaining someone else in the meantime. Good luck if you decide to work it out.
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Go for counseling, and try to work out your issues both of you need to go if you want to save your marriage.
I know a couple who saved their marriage by doing this. They swear it was the best and smartest thing. She says itâs more exciting.
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If this was his decision only and it wasnât agreed upon for the good of the marriage then he leftâŠâŠ if my husband did that there would be no marriage or dating. Nah, not gonna move out on me and give me two days out of the week on your whim? What kind of marriage is that?
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Heâs already gone next it,ll be I think we should see other people, I need a break.He just wantâs his cake and eat it to
He want you waiting on the side line while he has his fun
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Would you expect him to respect your decision if you needed space to work through issues? Exactly. Give him a bit. See how things go.
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Obviously these are strictly just other peoples opinions and personal experiences. Always take outside info like a grain of salt. Only you know what is truly best for you and your family. Get in touch with your core values and what you truly want long term for your marriage. If living apart isnt what you truly want for your marriage than you have the power to make that decision! Never settle and trust your gut!
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I would move on no man would do that walk down a wife and children unless thereâs something going on
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Wants the children to go from house to house? So obviously he has no intentions to move back in the near future therefore sounds like youâre the back up plan if whatever his up to doesnât work. Thatâs my opinion but we all could be wrong and he could have good intentions, I hope so for youâre sake 
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To me that seems a little fishy
it seems like he wants to live the single life but keep his marriage.
Kinda like -I wanna be single but I wanna keep my marriage as a back up plan just in case the single life isnât as fun as I thought it was going to be-
Is he interested in finding someone else?
I mean thatâs a really important thing to talk about
because if he wants to live single and his eyes start wandering elsewhere
there could potentially be someone that he might find and that could end your marriage completely!
I have a huge family and unfortunately everyone that I know that has spent a significant amount of time away from each other or separated are now divorced.
I really truly hope that you guys can figure things out.
maybe he should pick up extra shifts to pay for his space that he needs lol
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I did this. I had unresolved and undiagnosed PTsD from the military and my therapist kept preaching that in order to heal you have to remove yourself from the environment.
I realize that may not be the same situation everyone finds themselves in.
But for me to heal, staying in that house that triggered so much guilt and pain didnât help me. So I said I needed space. I didnât do it to date. I didnât do it to leave my marriage. I chose to heal.
I was hoping he would see that but he wouldnât look past the deep rooted reasons why and filed papers on me.
All I wanted was to get better. He wasnât making it better at the time and if I wanted to stay ok For our son I needed to remove myself from that environment for the time being.
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Next thing you know theyâre come âoptionsâ it normally never works because thatâs just a open door for pretty much anyone to come in. Js
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It sounds like heâs having the best of both worlds!!
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Yep you wont be the only woman in his life hes taken the easy way outâŠwake up
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Not without coming to that decision mutually!!!
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Give it time. Sounds like heâs trying
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Is he still helping with your bills? Does he expect u to take of your house alone.
We have made a similar situation work well for 8 years now. Itâs the best of both worlds honestly.
Go to counseling. Learn to love ur life with or without him. He obviously has something to figure out.
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I have never heard of this.
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My grandparents lived separately for about 20 years until my grandfather passed in 2008. They spent time every day together. They just worked better living apart, I guess.
He wants to stay married bc he doesnât want to pay child support and/or alimony. No way in hell he wants to work on this marriage if he signed a lease. Seems long term to me. Just my opinion though.
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He signed a whole lease? That man is not coming back.
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I would be so upset that he was willing to bounce the kids around and disrupt their lives that I donât know that Iâd even be willing to work on things anymore. Especially since he did all of this without you being okay with it. Add in the fact that is draining the family savings account. Iâd also really, really be concerned about his intentions. Is he trying to establish a pattern in preparation for a custody battle? Is he trying to appear single to someone else? Idk the whole thing would have me headed to a lawyerâs office.
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Oh no hes definitely got a bitch on the side. How ignorant are you.
Heâs seeing someone else and keeping you as a backup plan
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I agree with an above comment⊠he only wants to stay âmarriedâ to avoid alimony and child support 
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So sorry to say but it doesnât sound good best of Luck to ya prayers 
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While my situation is a little different, living separate has been very beneficial for mine and my significant others relationship. We have been together 5 years and have been living separately for about 9 months. We have been able to work on ourselves individually. We are now to the point we are ready to start moving towards moving back in together and are relationship has never been better.
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I think you should take it one day at a time ! Donât rush into making an irrational decision that one of u may regret. Marriage takes alot of work, from the both of you.
No one has the right to tell u if ur situation is right or wrong. All marriages have there trials. I myself can speak first hand. I have 3 children, married, been with my husband 7 years alsoâŠâŠ so ur story really hits home for me. Currently my husband and i do NOT live together. Different reasons then your story but very similar situation.
People ask me all the timeâŠâŠ what r u goin to do ? An i just dont have an answer; and, with goin to therapy i have grown to know, that its ok to not know. To not put pressure on myself to make these kinds of decisions so quickly. Have trust in yourself. You will know in due time what the best decision is for you and your family.
Best wishes to u all an sending you strength
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I knew a couple who was still together forever and had kids but they always had their own home. It worked for them but not everyoneâs the same.
Every situation is different. On one hand it seems real sketchy. On the other hand my great aunt and uncle live in separate states and theyâre still happily married and love each other deeply. She just wanted to move back to her family and he wanted to stay here with his.
Honey I would not be his second it sounds like he is try to impress someone by getting his own place âŠ
You know him better then any of us âŠDo you think he would cheat or just move out and still want to work on yâallâs family!! I would be driving by when he thinks I am in bed or when he thinks u would not be pop up âŠ
I bet you see someone else around
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He wants his cake and eat it too
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i know a couple who does it it actually works for them they also have kids . she comes to see him when she can or goes there when he can . hes a truck driver to thats why i say when he can usually weekends. ive met her
Quiere la familia y también su libertad,creo q la familia le sirve para tapar su verdadera identidad
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Hes not coming back, hes got something else going on⊠time to talk to an attorneyâŠ
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Donât listen to people who have already lost. Stay the course. You can love someone and not want to live with them, and I am sure you can all relate if you have grown children who do not live with you.
Yeah heâs playing games or something the only reason he would move out is so he can do what he wants with out you knowing heâs either currently sleeping with someone or is planning on moving on with them very soon honestly the guy thinks he just won the lottery Iâm sure he gets his own place and takes what he wants before you split and thatâs that ps he can skip paying child support / Alimony and still play you like a fiddle do you and your kids a favor and cut him off and never let him back in your bed !
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This is not a true marriage. You have children and he wants to be on his own. Go with your gut but sounds like something is off. If he canât live with you and the kids then I would say bye !
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My husband moved out as well. He was coming over daily to spend time with the kids. It took a week before he moved back home. It helped us⊠but it forced me to take a hard look at myself and the things I was doing
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How do the kids feel about it ?
Heâs trying to prove to someone else heâs actually getting a divorce by leaving you. Donât be a fool, youâre losing him or already lost him
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Honey. Heâs moving on and just trying to do this in a shady way but seems.
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Sounds like he needs the kids at his house every other week to me 
Time split equally etc. See if he can manage that since he seems to expect you to 
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Only one thing together is what makes things work
It depends if it works for you also.
You already know your answerâŠ
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44years do it together
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He is CHEATING AND A LIAR. HE DOESNT LOVE YOU OR HIS CHILDREN JUST HIMSELF
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Hes selfish to expect kids to bounce homes and deplete all savings he wants to be in relationship when it suits him and single when he feels like it.
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Sounds like he wants freedom and keep you on the side so he gets to see his kids.
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Sounds like heâs easing you into it and getting you used to him being gone, slowly
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Donât listen to all these negative comments. Sometimes people just need space to save the relationship. I know this first hand because my now husband and I went through this.
This pandemic is taking a toll on so many relationships. Itâs causing a lot of stress with being cooped up all the time. No relationship will ever survive if youâre together constantly. Space isnât always a bad thing. He may have something deeper going on that heâs not telling you for reasons you may never know. Men donât think the same way as women do and definitely donât like to talk about feelings.
Questions I have beyond whatâs mentioned:
is he allowing you to come over? If so, if heâs allowing this, do you have to notify him when you want to come over or are you able to just show up unannounced?
Do you guys still actively have family dinners multiple days a week?
Has his communication with you changed? Talking to you/kids less often?
Other than that, Iâd definitely give him a time frame as to how long he plans on being elsewhere, if weâre talking a year, hell no! If this isnât just temporary then donât accept it. 3-6 months would be the longest Iâd ever allow. If he needs any longer than that after being married to you for 7 years then Iâd start questioning things though.
It sounds to me like he just doesnât want to go through the financial burden of getting a divorce like alimony and child support because you have 3 kids But I could be wrong maybe just give it a little time to see if hes actually willing to work on it and if not go get an attorney ASAP listen to your gut
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Best of both worlds must be nice
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He has taken the next step to separate, moving him self from you allows him and your self time to adjust to seperate living situations , juggling the kids etc.
he will say what he needs to make this step easy as possible on both of you , u do not doubt he still loves you, but he isnât in love with you or he wouldnât have left
Men that are happy donât walk from there family responsibilities without much thought as to what they are actually asking if there wife and children
Itâs time for you to take lead in this whole situation and make choices on your happiness and life, love or not sometimes itâs just not enough .
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If there was a definition for the phrase âhave your cake and eat it tooâ, this would be it.
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Together for 7-years, huh? Anyone ever heard of the 7-year Itch?? No, just me?
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Hire a P.I. ,then either an attorney or a therapist depending on what is revealed.
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If he really cared needing some space would of been going to a siblings or parents house maybe for a couple of days. Only wanting to date on the weekends sound like a side piece to me. Plus you have children why would he deplete your savings.over needing space.I would get my affairs in order unless you plan on being number two forever and thatâs if he donât marry her.
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Did you say he signed a lease, usually a year?
So he is financially responsible for that rent for a year.
That money would easily pay for a lawyer, get him served, been there done that.
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sounds like heâs trying to avoid child support by keeping you for the weekend.
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Itâs always good to take a break. Often times, it helps make the relationship stronger. It happens because you two are together nonstop, so you end up driving each other crazy. Just give him time.
Donât listen to the negative comments, it doesnât mean heâs cheating.
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Sometimes people need space. I would do therapy and see if he will do coupleâs therapy to see what he is needing and what you are needing and come to some kind of compermise.
Sounds like he is going through some things because he still wants to be around you and the children.
My former landlords live separately and it works amazing for them. They own a large property with several houses on it, they rent out all the houses except 2 and they live in those two houses.
They have dinner together every night, they do all family functions together, all the normal things a married couple would do, they just live in separate houses. They drive each other nuts when they spend all day every day together, they needed to be able to have their own space for their marriage to work.
It doesnât work for everyone though. Iâm more a clingy/needy person (or whatever you wanna call it), I like to have my SO with me when Iâm not working. We literally do everything together when we arenât working. So that lifestyle wouldnât work for me.
Basically it just depends on the dynamic of your marriage, your trust and your personalities.
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I wouldnât be okay with this lady friend. Iâd tell him if he wants to loce separately then we are separated and youâll be filing for a divorce.
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I know a couple who is married and they live separately they live at least 30 mins from each other with kids yes theirs are all older but they have a really good relationship it works out great for them
You better sock some of that money away!! Donât let him drain you and then completely leave you with the house and kids and all the bills!!! Iâm sorryâŠthats not ok of him at all.
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Ooof.
Just my opinion, but it sounds to me like he is just telling you what you want to hear while heâs doing what he wants to do.
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space means your finances will no longer be entangled doing so shows he doesnt need space because he is happy to cause you stress just to be âindependentâ. He needs to reasses what he wants and you for you? Move on in your own way. Get some hobbies. Go on a date. Be independent financially.
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Screw that . If he needed space he could go to a family members house for a few days , hell he could have even gotten a hotel room for the weekend or week . But to move and sign a freakin lease ?! No something is up . Doesnât seem like heâs willing to try to make it work if he just upped and moved out . I would wipe your hands of him girl . You deserve better
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You are married if he needs a break why donât you do the same with the exception no dates or privileges just tell him to fend for himself and he can see the kids every second weekend and start paying child support
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If it wasnât costing you your financial security- whatever works for yađ€·but you need to think of your kids stability.
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When mine needed space he had moved in with her while I was giving birth, coward. He needed time to think. Alone. He said. Tell him to move on and you be doing your life. He needs a head check
I think this is a bad idea . He needs to cling to his commitment. You donât see yourself just moving out and getting free time with your kids ! Heâs having his cake and eating it too
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Cover yourself. Take half the funds put in a safe place till he comes back. If he doesnâtâŠyouâve got start up funds for you & children.
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A lease? As in a year commitment to live away from you? Heâs not trying to mend your relationship. Heâs trying to live a separate live while still holding on to you. Not the same exactly but my ex didnât live with us. He did his own thing whenever he wanted but had access to my home whenever too. He demanded to know where I was if I wasnât home when he dropped in. He controlled my every move while probably having relationships with other women. He kept saying it was best for âour familyâ. It was best for him. He had both worlds. Your husband is trying to do the same. File for child support, public assistance & divorce. Donât be stupid like I was.
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Couples who live apart have a much higher success rate. Itâs like 98% or something crazy. My fiancĂ© works out of town so we basically live apart and itâs actually more rewarding when I do get to see him. Quality time over quantity time
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so either 1-heâs telling you what sounds good so he can keep you but do what he wants. 2-I donât know what else.
Needing space in a marriage should mean sleeping in another bed room at most a few nights.
Moving out and getting a whole lease on his own⊠nahhhh heâs trying to see if that grass is greener
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Honestly theres nothing wrong with what hes doing. He sees he is having a problem and instead of running away and jumping to divorce he is trying to do better by making himself better. Let the man do what he needs to do to make himself better. Then he will be able to do better by u and by u sticking by his side u r showing him u r being supportive
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Never experienced anything like this. But it kinda sounds like he is wanting to have you for the weekends and do whatever during the week. This isnt ok, why couldnt he stay at a friends or in a spare room? I would leave him and make him pay child support
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He couldnât deck out a shed or basement as his space?? Live as housemates? He had to move out? Ummm⊠somethings fucked here.
Get what you need and Iâd take all the money and put it in a separate account
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Needing space doesnât usually involve signing a lease. Maybe staying with family or friends for a short bit. But it seems as if he isnât holding hope itâll work.
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Um yea no thats not how that works
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This ainât it. You are allowing him to make the rules and it is to your disadvantage. Do your research and keep your eyes open.
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Common excuse when there is someone else.
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I smell a rat ,wake up darling
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When you have a family you work it out together. Maybe sleep in a different bedroom but not a entirely different house. Seems to me like he might want another female for company. Otherwise he wouldnât need his own place
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He didnât need space. He needed an excuse to leave. In a marriage space means ghosting for a while, silence idk, or moving to another room. Not legit getting a new place! You already know this isnât right. Move into his place then, smh.
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He signed a lease, is it monthly or yearly,!Seems to me like he is stringing you along( he wants his freedom but wants him family too) Sorry but if he needed space he would of stayed with family or friends for a bit, not got his own place,and put this financial burden on your family. If I was you Iâd start putting some money aside that he doesnât know about,for you and the kids. So now you have to pay for two places, Your right if he Loved you he wouldnât of went and got a place of his own.
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Idk it seems alot like he abandoned you during a hard time in yalls marriage. After living together for years and being married, he doesnât have the right to just âtake a breakâ& leave you to deal with it all alone.
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Sounds like he wants his cake and eat it too. He is obviously hiding something
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Not to mention if he signed that lease without atleast talking to you about it and letting you have a say, he obviously doesnât value you like he should.
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Seems you already know the answer âŠ
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I wouldnât trust or believe anything he says!!! He has kids to raise & a wife he says he loves, moving out causing financial problems!!! He needs to grow up!!! You canât just run out on your family!!! Sorry, with a job & a wife & kids, you are going to have very little space because thatâs life!! He sounds like he is testing being single again!!!
Sounds like heâs cheating.
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