It’s early days, try his way for a bit and then maybe get some therapy sessions with him?
2 Likes
Just by asking the question, you know in your heart that what he’s done is wrong.
Marriage is a partnership, raising your kids is a joint responsibility. The moment he said I need space so ive leased somewhere to live, you knew it was over.
The resentment and being left to do it all will grow inside you. It will be little things at first like not being able to ‘nip out’ without the kids with you because hes not home anymore. Then it’s going alone to school events because hes not home to see the calender. You will feel the burden of single parent life and watch him lead the single life. Even if he comes home eventually and you have counselling it will always be there in the background.
For me the first clue was him separating our finances. We’d had a shared account for 15+ years, then 1 day he decided to only pay in a fixed amount to cover half the bills ect. That was my wake up call. He still lived in the house, slept in our bed but I ended up paying for everything that his fixed sum didn’t cover. The children and I suffered and he carried on as normal.
You’ve got your warning !! Get advice ASAP and protect yourself and your children. And if you have access to the savings get the account frozen before its all gone. Good luck .
Do what works best for you and your family. Every relationship is different. 
2 Likes
This happened to my poor mum and her husband… they had some hard times and he moved out into a flat, they started off seeing each other a lot then it slowly became less and less over the course of a year…… they are now separated and getting divorced… so no I don’t personally think it works, the issues need to be addressed head on and not by running away
You can love someone and not want to live with them. If the situation works for you great, if it doesn’t you’ll need to have a open and honest discussion with the hubby and be prepared that he might not want to go back to a joint home.
1 Like
Marriage means staying together
I couldn’t do it it’s all or nothing for me.
3 Likes
A friend of mine splitted with the wife , and it worked better for them , they would go to each other’s place , until he passed away , they were happy their own way and very much in love . The man was a LEGEND and the wife was a QUEEN .
But everyone is different …
2 Likes
Sometimes taking a step back allows you to take two forward. No rainbow without a bit of rain🤷🏻♀️ he does love you. If he didn’t he’d have left you completely. Maybe he thought it was a bad environment for the children to be in if he’d have stayed and you guys argued, so moving out created a more harmonious household for them. Don’t jump to thinking he’s a bad guy. Go on those dates, communicate, and it’ll work out from there
1 Like
I’d give it a try his way with an end date … maybe try therapy with him. But as someone who’s gone through a separation and ultimately heading for divorce , just make sure he’s not having his cake and eating it !!
You having to deal with the daily life of kids and responsibilities whilst he deals with his mental health and gets to have a break and not deal with life … wanting to date you is nice… but you have children and are married. Eventually you will resent him if you don’t get an agreement in place and tell him really how you feel about it all . I wish you luck and pray you can make it work. Being alone sucks x
Sounds like he has big issues and is selfish too. Great you get to look after the kids and home while he gets space with peace and quiet. I rather think there’s more to it than what’s come out surely he could have shared with one of the children or set himself up in the garage rather than cause financial hardship and worry. A marriage counsellor could help possibly
2 Likes
Nope. It can’t happen. If he totally loved you there wouldnt be no question to anything he would do for you. Love you no matter what, I just don’t get it? If he loved you undeniably, why would there be any questions??
So weird?
If people love you. You can tell right??
Sheesh.
Love is everything but (abuse, being physical abused, mental abuse, verbal abuse. )
1 Like
Two homes worked for me for 16 years until we called it quits. Gave us our individuality to do what we wanted. We were growing, so instead of fighting it was easier for the other just to leave and avoid issues. It also helps your sanity. We slept over at our homes on different nights and some nights I went home to mine. And some nights he went home to his. It’s about the individual. Please don’t make the mistake and think it’s all about cheating. Space can save you a lot of heart ache. And He could be overwhelmed with all the responsibilities and need some clearing. Rather buy the second property instead of him having a lease. It’s a financial benefit for both of you at the end of the day. I loved the freedom we both had, and grew into remarkable people that can sustain our homes.
1 Like
His having his cake and eating it. Move on
3 Likes
GIVE HIM HIS “SPACE” withdraw completely, don’t spend time with him don’t “bounce” your kids back and forward. Home is where you and his kids are. He can’t miss you all if you’re all still pandering to him . No nastiness just tell him your respecting his space don’t pander to his having his cake and eating it phase.
He,ll get bored and lonely real quick then all he has to worry about is whether you’ve actually enjoyed your " space" and want to make it permanent!
5 Likes
Space to me is going to his mates or mother’s house for a few daysto clear the head not going and renting a place to himself just sounds a bit odd to me
8 Likes
Maybe needed a break maybe everything was too much for him men like women they can’t handle a lot of stress maybe he just needs a break give him the space he needs if you find out he’s cheating then you kick him in the ass but if you’re confident he’s not and he’s doing everything that he can to be with you and take care of the kids and everything then give it a go you know what’s it going to hurt he’s 5 minutes away he’s taking care the kids y’all still going on dates and everything so give it a try if it doesn’t work I’d say after year then maybe y’all should start thinking about something else
This is unhealthy!
No love left! Just his excuse to an end!
Just move on!
3 Likes
So after reading all the comments I’d like to tell you my story and tell you it can work,depending on what you both truly want.
Me & my husband have been together for 26yrs,4 beautiful children, married for 18. My husband suffers form MH and has done all his life. (I knew this when I met him). 10 yrs ago when my youngest child was 3,we both agreed to live in separate houses after his MH hit an all time low. (He was suicidal) He couldn’t cope with normal everyday things anymore like we do and he thought he was more of a burden to us all with having to “put up” with his struggles. The children were suffering as he would sleep a lot,snap at everyone when up or couldn’t join in the usual family activities. This actually worked better for us as a family and everyone was happier. We would still see each other most days,unless it was a really bad day. We would still celebrate birthdays/Christmas etc. together as a family,would take days out in the half term, if his MH would allow at that time,and if it became too much for him,he would take himself home. It wasn’t so much anything we had done,but more of the fact of his childhood trauma (there was a lot) and not wanting to make us unhappy with his MH that sometimes he couldn’t control. Fast forward 10yrs, being in a better place with medication/therapy (yes it took all that time) and we’re now discussing with him moving back into the family home. I don’t think we have missed out as a family unit,in fact I think it made us stronger. The kids still had their dad,he still took them out,supported them through school,after school clubs etc. and had them if I needed a couple of hours to myself or appointments,and I still had my husband. It wasn’t fair of us to punish him over something he sometimes had no control over. Like I said at the beginning,it all depends on your situation and what you both want out of this. You both need to be open & honest for it to work. Maybe it will,maybe it won’t,and I know it won’t work for everyone,like it worked for us. I wish you luck on your journey. Xx
3 Likes
Sorry but i couldn’t do it all or nothing
2 Likes
Times change. A lot of couples spend time apart through working away ect now. If it works for you why not? I wouldn’t take it ad a sign of him not caring or wanting his cake and eating it. Maybe hes just trying to save what you have. I’m not sure I could go back to living with someone now. I like my space and Independence. No arguments and nobody doing your head in. Try it for a while and see how it goes.
What about you would you walk out on your kids when times get tough and want space I don’t think so what a bad time for your kids I would give him space alright he doesn’t deserve you all even if he is doingit tough.
1 Like
Sorry but no. If my husband wanted to do this we may aswell be separated. I’d be going crazy wondering what he is doing during the week. Probably has a bit on the side.you need to take your savings into your own bank account so he doesn’t waste your nest egg and get legal advice.
That’s not what husbands do. You’re meant to be a team. He’s treating you like a mug! If the boot was on the other foot would he be ok with it? I doubt it. He’s behaving like a spoilt teen. I would give him an ultimatum, come home and work on it together or split properly so that you can both move on with your own lives. You can still be great parents.
3 Likes
Get rid of this bum!
Oh babe! That’s awful! I hate to say it but seems like it’s over he can’t do that to you! Shameful 
1 Like
My Dear YOUR HUSBAND HAS ALREADY LEFT THE MARRIAGE CHILDREN BUT HE WANTS TO HAVE HIS CAKE AND EAT IT TOO , WAKE UP
I read an article about this a while ago, it was an elderly couple who had lived apart from some years, it worked well for them & apparently more & more people were doing this.
Do what’s right for you, every relationship is different & if you both love each other then I’m sure you’re work something out xx
Choosing to live apart might just be choosing to be apart
2 Likes
Following I’m in the same situation
4 Likes
Get a divorce. He’s living a single life. It doesn’t work like that
32 Likes
If he is willing to go to therapy seek it out but… that just doesn’t seem right… praying for you and your kids and the relationship
2 Likes
Why are you letting this man string you along? This is unacceptable you need to leave him. Don’t raise your kids to think that this is how you treat someone you love
17 Likes
When people leave and get a whole new place that’s not right. It’s a marriage a home. Seems like he’s plotting his escape. He should just say that
14 Likes
I’d be done there is no compromise it sounds everything is his decision and you have to suck it up . I wouldn’t stand for it personally, I can appreciate how hard it is financially emotionally etc with the kids but seems he simply wants you there for just in case or when he yet again decides he wants to come back . Then when he does you’ll always be living your life wondering if he will leave you again . Stay strong
I did it for 3 years i had to for my own sanity
3 Likes
Unacceptable. Financial burden. Stress on kids to bounce around. Confusing to the kids as well
18 Likes
Nope If he can’t work it out with me in the house that’s a single man
9 Likes
Wtffff… wouldn’t moving out cost more? Two homes to maintain ?? He completely convinced you into that??? Wowww…
3 Likes
Seems like he wants his own space from you and your children. I guess he wants to be married on paper only. If he is only five minutes away, to me it makes no sense.
4 Likes
Not acceptable. Vows are being broken.
6 Likes
We tried this. He found other women. We split. Google 7 year itch. Either you make it or break at 7.
5 Likes
Red flags straight away
4 Likes
I know A LOT of people who are MUCH happier living individually in their marriage. Just make sure his intentions are pure. And also make sure it is what is best for you as well.
6 Likes
My husband and I basically did this but went through with dissolution… we did this for 2-3 years and got remarried and have a 2 year old and have not had the issues we had prior… it can work as long as ur BOTH committed to making it work.
5 Likes
Just cause the going gets hard you can’t back out from it. It’s called a Marriage. To bad so sad. If you wanna back out like that, and live away from your spouse like a single Pringle. Time to move on, and get a divorce.
7 Likes
But when u leave u leave i had no intention of going back but he wound up homeless with two kids so we tried it one more time lasted 3 weeks
1 Like
Girl no, you’re a team!!! Just be done now and save yourself and your kids!
11 Likes
My other half and I have our own places. I live in the mother-in law apartment on the same property. I left him completely for a few months and when I did come back I opted to stay there. It’s been a year now. I’m happy with it. I like having my own space when I need it. We do just fine. Just because it isn’t a tradional situation doesn’t mean it doesn’t work or it’s not love. It might not make sense to some but I think the biggest thing is we’re still a team and it can work. It really bothered him at first and he wanted me back into the room but I think he’s grown to enjoy having his own room as well. We spend the night at each other places some nights and other nights do our own thing. Just remember the time you do spend with him make good memories. Try not to stress things and enjoy yourself. I know for me when my other half would get so emotional and want to talk about feelings it would push me away. I just wanted to actually enjoy life and laugh more.
6 Likes
History shows that living single is a bad sign.
2 Likes
Not enough information honestly - therapy for himself or both and about what? Lots of fighting that the 3 children were seeing? What kind of downs?
Are things better with him gone between the two of you?
Maybe he really is just saying he’s a mess and doesn’t want his mess to be the thing that wrecks a marriage until he can fix himself. I dunno, not enough info for me.
4 Likes
My husband and I chose for him to work away during the week, which works for us. I have CPTSD and often we cant function 24hrs a day 7 days a week. He lives an hour away during the week and comes home on weekends. People can give you all the advice in the world but it needs to be what you want. I’m just here to tell you it works for my relationship to not live together full time. Sometimes we don’t need to read so much into it and just do what works for us. Best of luck to you and your husband.
5 Likes
I think something is fishy here. How can this be loving ?? So much change and stress. Sure hope he sees that and restores your family back to one home.
1 Like
My husband and I did this and it made everything so much better and our relationship stronger. We tried counseling before and it just made the fights worse. I myself moved out and he ended up moving into my place and we sold our original home. We have created better and healthy memories.
3 Likes
Sounds more like he’s up to something
6 Likes
If I ever did this I would be very clear laying the groundwork of what is and isn’t considered acceptable for each of you during this time. eg what is crossing the line - is drinks after work with a girl crossing the line? texting? hanging out alone etc. What one person considers cheating may not be the same as what the other does in these circumstances.
7 Likes
Sounds like you are going backwards here. Living separately and dating on weekends. You can’t just decide nah I don’t want to live like we are married anymore but stay married. If there are issues work on them, go to counseling. Have him go to therapy if it’s his issues. But acting like you are single isn’t the way to go. He’s basically saying he wants to separate without it being official. I personally would tell him we are separated and work on a divorce. Unless you are completely ok with him doing this.
1 Like
So he wants to live single, while reapung the benefits of being married.
6 Likes
I had a great uncle and aunt who loved each other beyond reason, however could not live together, they would fight nonstop. So they lived in separate house next door to each other and were happily married over 50 years until literally death parted them. They ate each meal together alternating days and houses and spent specific days together for romance. During nice weather their yards were combined to make 1 large yard and they would sit in the yard together enjoying life and family. They just couldnt share space for extended amounts of time. They didn’t cheat, they didnt give up and divorce, they found a way to work for them and seriously put the combined effort in to find what worked for their marriage and stuck with it and each other.
Tho this doesnt work for everyone, I believe they were a very rare and amazing couple.
11 Likes
My aunt and uncle lived separately. I always thought they were divorced but we had a family reunion I was planning and they said they couldn’t come cause that was their anniversaries and they spent it together. I thought it was odd but it worked for them
Also no they weren’t rich. I think their kids helped them financially
1 Like
7 year itch happens….but working it out does not involve moving out.
3 Likes
Pretty sure this is foreshadowing the end
3 Likes
Red flag, get rid of him, omg, he’s no good, I hope you see that, everybody telling you here, I hope you look and lesson, God bless. Do the rite thing for you hun xx
2 Likes
The fact that he moved out proves he wants his cake and eat it too. Honestly if he really loved you, he would not have moved out. You most likely are not his one and only.
17 Likes
Honey it sounds like he’s leaving you without telling you he’s leaving you
9 Likes
Get on with your own life he wants to date you at weekends he has a other woman don’t be foolish tell him to get lost
5 Likes
Kick the POS to the Curb
2 Likes
He should’ve stayed and worked on it. It’s not fair for him to leave you to take care of everything
4 Likes
I’m going through this as well. We’ve been married 17 years and together for 18 years.
We love each other, neither wants a divorce. We still talk, but we have separate homes.
While I agree it’s a financial draining deal, and it’s difficult at times, I’ve gotten used to it. I don’t love it, but I love him. He loves me.
It’s an individual situation for anyone, and it either works out, or not.
Best of luck to you!
2 Likes
I’d get divorced. He is cheating.
1 Like
I hear he’s moving out , are the kids living with him every other week ?? That wake up call will tell you what’s really going on. He wants space .You get space too , he needs to feel the emotional and financial burden too. Bet he immediately comes clean and tries to weasel his way out of any responsibility. Don’t back down and give in to anything. Also see what’s in the bank while you have access.
8 Likes
He made the decision to leave not to just get away for a week and regroup but to actually go out of his way to sign a lease? Oh no!! A man will be exactly where he wants to be and clearly home wasn’t it. To say I still love you but actions speak louder then words and his actions are the complete opposite. Date on weekends? That just means hold onto whatever you’re allowing him to hold onto so he doesn’t feel like he’s lost you, yet you have to go through the emotions of being alone, the kids the financial. No, he’s got a different perspective than what he’s actually telling you. The moment you “move on” is the moment he will realize his mistakes or love for you but allowing him to be this person and make these decisions only allows him to do what he wants.
6 Likes
Time to move on. Stop clinging on to whatever this is. It’ll be easier than to hold on to hope and get crushed anyway with less money for the kids and your well being.
2 Likes
I heard that one before 
magically a week later he was w a 17 yr old 3 months after having his baby…he was late 20s
2 Likes
He’s leaving you wanting to drain savings so y’all don’t have to spilt as much
2 Likes
I mean if it’s a toxic household for the kids to be in all the time and he’s truly working on himself during this time then potentially it could work. Time will tell!
2 Likes
If he wanted to be with you he wouldn’t have moved out
5 Likes
My husband and I haven’t lived together in 6 years, we’re still together, it works for us.
Our situation is different than yours tho.
1 Like
Sounds like he’s cheating. My sons dad did this with me and I found out he was seeing a girl he worked with. He moved out to make it seem like we weren’t together and still was seeing me trying to “work on things” girl. Save yourself the heartache. I’m so sorry.
5 Likes
Oh, and we’ve been married for 19 years.
Get a new man is what I would do.
2 Likes
Hes alreafy emotionally gone
5 Likes
Girl I did it wish I wouldnt have thou
Let him go! Obviously he wants his cake and eat it too! You’re more than that!
3 Likes
I mean maybe in some instances it could work idk? But for me I would say it didn’t work things were really bad so I moved out we stayed together worked on our relationship things started going good so we moved back in together then it just gradually got a lot worse we are no longer together. But I mean that’s just me.
1 Like
You can love someone but still not want to live under the same roof as each other if you get along better then surely that benefits the children more than being under one roof and constantly rowing??
Sounds like to me. He wants to be Free.
3 Likes
I’ll bet money that he is pursuing another relationship. Buh-bye.
5 Likes
It does & can work for people. My sister does it.
3 Likes
My man & I did for a few months. It was the best thing we ever did. Our relationship is so much better now than what it was before!
5 Likes
Sounds like he wants his cake and eat it too
3 Likes
From my experience, no
At least it sounds like he moved out to cheat. I just found out my child’s father has been sleeping with other people in my bed when I wasn’t home.
1 Like
Sounds like the classic case of “I want to have my cake and eat it, too.” Nah.
6 Likes
I’d say either couples counseling to discuss the issue and how to resolve it or id move on.
3 Likes
Yes you can. My grandpa was a pilot. He was gone weeks at a time when my mom and her sisters were kids. But you know what, he made their marriage work and spent time with my grandma, my mom and my mom’s sisters.
This is just how I Take this… No man in the world that wants to be with you and want to work things out would leave and get on a lease specially Knowing that by doing that he could lose you or the marriage. He already took a decision and that is leaving for the life he wants, he just did it in a way he kind of left a door open in case he regrets it and totally manipulated you.
12 Likes