Anyone else been through this? Can people really be lovingly living separately? What would you do?
My husband and I have been married seven years. We have had a lot of downs lately, and he has decided to move out. No separation, no divorce, just move out. He signed a lease within two weeks of his "needing space" phase. He now has a place 5 minutes away. He still loves me, still wanting to work on our marriage, wants the children to bounce from house to house. It is causing a substantial financial burden and hurting our savings. We have three kids, and he just kind of left me. He still wants to date on weekends. Just needs space and possible therapy. I really want it to work, but I can't over the fact that he loved me he would have stayed.
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I think NOT. No way. This man is obviously running around. He wants his cake and eat it too. All the while…leaving you to parent by yourself 5 days week. Then even on the weekends, just go on dates with you without responsibility of actually being a husband and father. I would Not let him get away with that…Period.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Does living separately work? - Mamas Uncut
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He’s seeing someone else.
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It sounds like he wants to date somebody else as well. My suggestion: divorce him and move on
Life is too short I say let it play out. If you also love him you need to respect he needs boundaries. Positives to that you get your bed back. You get weekends away with girls no kids meh hubby can have them. Maybe it’s time to work on yourself to. Let me tell you when you get back your independence and you don’t rely on your partner there is no better feeling.
Therapy sounds helpful. How do YOU feel about this?
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Yea he could have made a man cave. Him moving out sounds suspicious. When my husband wants space he goes in the next room.
He’s more than likely cheating
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Sounds like he is ready to move on
Dump him and withdraw the money
He is sleeping with someone else, who thinks he is single and that’s the reason he moved out.
Telling you he wants to work out your marriage is the safety net in case the other relationship doesn’t work out.
Do you want to be the second choice?
He’s cheating!!!
But confused…
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Could be his way of getting out of child support and a way to use up the savings. 
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He’s cheating.
If he loved you he would do something like go on a small vacation or something like that. But to get an entire new place is ridiculous
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Not health for u, him or the children
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Move on with your life sis. Don’t wait on him to come around. Next think you know he’ll be over it and you’ll still be holding on trying to move on. Move on starting today so once it’s clear you’d already have a head start.
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Sometimes space is necessary and you can’t get space being in the same home. As long as he still wants to spend time with you and you talk daily and don’t stop communication don’t worry about it.
I would like to hear the other side of the story! But of course it can be saved and no he doesn’t have to be cheating…
my ex and I went through something similar. We didn’t want to get a divorce but couldn’t figure out how to fix it. Then we got resentful and angry and there was no turning back. Neither of us was seeing other people. We both knew we let things get too far gone but still had one foot in the door. made things harder on all of us.
There is no point of living separately unless he needs space to move how he wants to move he wants his Kate and Edith too
Has anything been bit weird to make you think he might of cheated or cheating bit weird to just decide he needs space an move out if he just needed space for a bit why not stay with family temporarily xx
Might work…might not…he may be in mid life crisis…
Prayers it will all work out for everyone 
Sadly, he probably is seeing someone else! Hence, the need for “his space”.
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I’d creep by at random hours and see what kind of company he is keeping. Sounds to me like he is playing the space card to have a good time. Why else would he knowingly out you and his kids through this pain?
I left my husband at the time fiancé because of the fighting and the time away has helped us drastically. That was 2017-2018 we were living together and we seen each other on the weekends. 25 minutes away from each other. 2019 we worked on us ans moved back and have been living together since, had another baby and got married ans now we are 100x better than we’ve ever been
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I’m on the same page. I’ve been thinking about getting a place for myself. But I’m not sure if that will send the same message.
File those papers. It seems he wants his cake n able to eat it to.
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He’s done and not coming back. He’s just afraid to tell you. 
Go to a councilor and work through it. 
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Clear the bank account and run
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He’s done, just to big of a coward to call it quits with you… it will happen soon though
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Do couples therapy and let that be the first thing you bring up and express how you feel on it. Let’s an outside professional 3rd party talk to him about why it’s not a good idea.
If he won’t move back in then tell him to go have fun live his life and divorce. If after hearing things out in safe space doesn’t work even alittle kiss him goodbye cuz he won’t change
This isn’t good for anyone… especially the kids. If he had love for her he would’ve stayed and thought of multiple ways of how to fix it WITH HIS WIFE! He made a commitment of “For better or for worse”. Please leave him, before things start going even more down hill! Think of each other’s health, and the kids…
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If he wants “space” he probably doesn’t want you seeing what he’s doing, so it’s more than likely bad like he’s talking to another woman or worse already seeing another woman. I wouldn’t put up with that nonsense. You wanna leave then leave ALL the way!
He doesn’t kno what he wants , so jus start giving more "Yu time " but if course be a good mother 
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Ask if you can have a key to his house incase of emergency and see his response
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Let him go sweetheart
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My ex said the same thing to me a few days before xmas almost 8 years ago… it just so happens that he was indeed seeing someone else. Im not saying this is your case, but I’d be weary. Get your ducks in a row before he blindsides you. Again, I could be wrong, but there’s nothing wrong with getting prepared in case it does. And if it doesn’t and that’s all he needed well then no harm no foul.
Sometimes a break is good
My partner and I had separate houses yes it’s expensive but it probably saved our relationship. I know I just needed some space. I don’t know what he’s reasons are but my relationship has been a lot better since our break.
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Sounds like he wants his cake and eat it too. He stringing you along. Wake up! He’s playing nice so you don’t divorce him and get him for child support and spousal support. Smh
We got along so much better after legal separation.
Sounds like there’s someone else and he wants his cake and eat it too …nope he moved out so that’s that
Do you get to just leave and have a time out no
If he is not staying to work it out then I would be classing it as your over
Girl go file for that damn divorce that dusty cheating 
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I could see having a seperate room…but a seperate house…like I won’t sit here and lie. Me and my boyfriend had never lived together before until these last 3 years. Do we get annoyed and frustrated. Oh hell yeah. We also have a daughter. But the thought of living in seperate homes…its not a option or even a thought. Having seperate rooms to run to. Yes, totally 100 percent. Like I know we aren’t married. But having your own office or “she shed” or “man cave”. That shit to me is a necessity. Sometimes we just need our space or to sleep in a seperate area. Also as an introvert I really need time to recollect myself. But…then again everyone is different…
He is seeing some one else. Just wants to keep it kool with you so you don’t rake him thru the cools. Wake up
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he has a side thing theres not working out no more
It’s hard to say… we have never been married but my significant other and I tried to live together and co parent with a blended family and it was disastrous… I moved out but continued to stay together… we have been together for almost 9 years and like 30 seconds away from each other and honestly we are solid and we have about 3 years till we are empty nesters and plan to move in together … I guess I would say just keep your guard up and look for red flags (if any present themselves) and then do what’s best for you and your kids… but sometimes being apart can be the best thing. Good luck!
It depends on the person. This might be his way of trying to fix what is wrong with him that could be impacting the relationship. I think the step he took was a bit extreme as a first step and should have seen a therapist and possibly stayed with someone to ease the financial burden. However, you can’t miss someone if they are not gone.
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Quite honestly, I think that is his exuse for just not wanting to be there. Im not trying to hurt your feelings, but why buy the milk when the cow is free? So in other words, he can spend time with you when he wants to , but not when you want to, correct? How do you work on a marriage when he leaves & gets his own place? I can see if you guys needed a little space… stay with your parents or hang on your besties couch for a few days, but to actually rent another living quarter & pay bills there as well as at your actual home?? That dont sit right with me. I think he wants you because your the mother of his children, but he don’t want you any other time. I personally think he has someone else occupying his time. Move on babe, it seems he has.
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Maybe he needs to build something close to your house. Like a shop.
I wonder if a man will comment 
I refused when my bf wanted to do this. We split yrs later anyway but then got bck after 4 yrs apart. I do believe he wanted his cake & eat it though because I was right about my suspicion. 3 yrs back together now, all seems good after growing up a bit. Good luck x
All these comments are so negative!! Just because he moves out to help the strain on the marriage and get therapy does not mean he’s sleeping with anyone!!! so don’t listen to these chicks. Keep an eye on it but I think it could be a good thing for the time being no one said it’s permanent and if he was sleeping with other women I doubt he would pick a place 5 min away! Just saying. Work with him on it it’s been a hard couple years! Go to counselling and see if it helps and if not collectively make a decision then. The situation is gonna hurt but I’d rather it help my marriage and give us space to work on it then to just give up!
Just because he says he needs his space doesn’t mean he’s seeing someone either. Not all guys are douche bags he might legit just need some time to clear his head since there have been a lot of downs. Take it day by day and see how it helps. I hope everything works out… stay strong and don’t just jump to the negative like everyone else seems to do.
I don’t believe in giving “space” just keep your eyes wide open!
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All that money he is spending living somewhere else he can be spending it on child support. Plus, if he can show up to your home he left whenever he feels like it, are you afforded the same right? Be smart and be nosey and find out all you can to protect your rights and those of your children. Blessings to you and your children.
Is so sad that you merried to the person that you thought you love them on a blink of eyes everything changed like nothing I still no getting why does want to get divorced … maybe he don’t want her find happiness somewhere else hmmmm mans can be selfish 
like let me be happy maybe he closer that way he can check who go in or out of her house
Oh idk, for him to get another place that just shows he is slowly letting you go. He is just afraid of telling you. Idk just my opinion. You dont wanna be confused and dont know where you stand. And how long does he need space?. The red flags are there. Some ppl do different things and it works for them but I dont see him coming back. Good Luck
Something more is going on - whatever it is, I’d create your own journey and joy. Go actively out for yourself, and then let things naturally play. You’ll find someone who makes you see why you deserve more than what your husband is trying to convince himself is love. Living together is crucial. I have also been through that back and forth of how relationships can be, but at the end of the day, the determination has to be in wanting to be together and not apart. You’ve tried and been patient, now it is time for him to catch up with you, or for him to move aside and allow another man to love you the way he’s trying to force it.
That’s just my opinion, but know that it has to come from within you dear. Find the answer you seek by looking up at the night sky. If you find yourself watching it feeling a pull behind you, like an invisible arrow is pointing in some direction, it is time to move forward, or move back away from it. Look up and find your direction. Pray for the answers you need inside. Our words will only mean so much if you hold onto your own form of love for him. We do not doubt there was love, or that you do love him fully. But there is a thing of loving someone too much, and sometimes love isn’t enough.
Right now, his love isn’t enough and yours is beyond what It should be. Not equal. Not balanced. Not the same.
He’s got a side chick for sure
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He is seeing someone else but keeping you on the hook so if it doesn’t work out he can come home. Get your ducks in a row and file for divorce. Don’t have sex w him unless you’re getting tested regularly. Sorry … it really sucks.
My parents do so much better being long distance. While he’s off at work every is calm theirs no fighting between them but when he’s home everyone avoids being over for more then 10mins cause he’s a douche honestly 
I think if he was cheating on you, he would have moved farther than 5 minutes away. He may need his space, we all need our space sometimes. If he still has a key to ya’lls home, you should be given one for where he is staying. Is it a month to month lease? A short term? That may be a clue. Good luck.
It’s sad that he Can Genuinely be wanting to change and you got all these people in your ear that he’s cheating. People change , situations change and sometimes people need that time to work on themselves.
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Listen don’t be know fool there is someone else. You don’t need know space when you are married. The minute he walked out the is abandonment he broke the marital vowels. Leave this be and move on.
There is such thing as having space! Don’t listen to the above comments about cheating or seeing someone else. He wouldn’t move 5 minutes away from you and go through counselling and date nights on weekends etc if he was just going to see someone else. Sometimes in a relationship things get too much and you do actually need space away from each other to just let your mind breathe for 2 minutes! It’s hard been with someone for so long and having children and working and other little things in between and it does start melting away at you especially if as you saw you’ve been having down days at the moment. You do you and let him do him, both take this time apart and actually use it to have your date nights, and bit of fun and rekindle what once was great. Nothing wrong with it at all. Tell the kids that dad is working late and doesn’t want to wake anyone when he comes in or tell them he’s looking after someone’s house whilst there away, there’s lots of unquestionable excuses to give to them whilst you both try concentrate on your relationship, and by doing so will be much more healthier for the kids than what it is now. Good luck!! Hope everything works out in the end x
What ever happened to for better or for worse. When the going gets tough just leave? Marriage isn’t easy. It takes work. It’s not about self but realizing there is another personality and perspective in the mesh. U will not always agree and that is ok. When u put God in the center of the marriage and lean on him u can’t go wrong. The problem today is people want to end it when things get tough. There will be challenges. The best therapy is God therapy. Lean to him to heal your marriage.
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You already know what to do. Divorce him.
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If he needed space he could of slept on the couch! My husband better not ever!
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He has another girlfriend who needed somewhere to live 
He’s leaving you slowly. He’s a coward and this route is less confrontational he is going to string you along for as long as possible. Really think about it….he gets everything he wants and doesn’t have to pay child support 
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Wow sometimes its not all negative my parents have been living in separate house for almost 16 years and are just fine I think it just depends on the person just talk to him about whats going on and get answers urself
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Seems he wants it all his way and everyone fitting in with his needs and you helping him pay for it.
Your kids need clarity and so do you. How long until you’re the one doing all the parenting because he needs his space? How long til the dating stops coz he needs his space?
Think about what you want. If this isn’t it, feeeze those savings and set your requirements now. If he’s truly your man he’ll do anything to save your marriage.
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I see alot of bitter women!!! Every situation is different! What works for some might not work for the next!
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You dont get that kinda space in a marriage! You go fishing or build you a man cave…but hunny you dont move…you stay and work thru it❣
That’s my humble opinion 
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Somebody Else Is In Ur Marriage, Stay Calm, Find Out Who It Is, Get All Receipts!! Then Execute Your Plan.
A Man Doesn’t Just Up n Leave His Family 4 Nothing!! 
I lived apart from my husband and I felt much better he didn’t we got a divorce about the same amount of years married as you it just isn’t for everyone
He is cheating point blank my thing is just say u need to explore… so will I dont tell me u need space u need space walk to the park go shopping go out drinking with the boys whatever but once a man says he need enough space to live outside of the household IM DONE CAUSE I KNOW BETTER
It sounds like he’s making a slow transition to end your Marriage.
I would say it could be possible he has someone else but wants to know he has you there aswell maybe do some investigating but be prepared for whatever you may find hope it works out for you.
Move on he has he just hasn’t told you yet
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I have been married 15 years to my husband and we love each other.he lives in austin n I live in forthworth he comes home on visit on weekends and I go to Austin and for a week so it does work out for.us
There’s a 7 year itch I hear some couples go through. My fiance and I had our downs for most of our 7th year together. Lots of changes occured. I never thought to live separately but it very well could work. Try to talk to him. Tell him how you feel. Be raw.
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Just make sure there isn’t a lover in the mix hence the need for more space i.e. moved out
I knew a couple married 50 years,she spent winters in FL and he stayed in MI. Marriage doesnt mean you have to be together 24/7. Hes 5 minutes away… just pop in randomly and see if he has a guest.
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He figured the loophole no alimony no child support. Lowlife
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Been there and it didn’t make anything better actually came back worse and I am the one ready to let go…
I look at it like this , if we’re married that’s it no moving out to get " ur space" . This ain’t junior high it’s time for him to nut up or shut up so to speak. Sorry you are going thru this. These ladies are right I think he’s moved on but doesn’t want to rock the boat too much until he has things in order for himself
Girl, go on and sign divorce papers. Staying in a different room is one thing. Moving to a separate home is another. When you get to that point there is no going back.
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Truthfully I’ve been considering doing that myself I don’t like living in the same house don’t let me say nothing I can’t help you I need some help
Well if u read what u wrote all u wrote about is what “HE” needs!!! What about what u and ur kids need? So he loves u, wants to wrk on ur marriage, date on weekends? But be by hisself? I’m sorry but that is pure selfishness!!! All hes caring about is him!!! A real man would of stayed and done all that…u didn’t throw him out, he chose to leave…all im gonna say is keep your EYES WIDE OPEN!!! Is this what hes gonna do everytime HE wants something his way??? Good luck to u!!
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I agree with him cheating. It would be one thing if the 2 of you came to this decision together, but him in such a hurry is so he can get his strange and keep getting it from you when he wants. My husband and I have our problems too, but we’re opposite, I want his ass to go away for a while and he won’t fricking leave, and in all honesty, we couldn’t handle the financial burden of 2 homes at the moment. I feel for you, I really do. It’s hard dealing with this kind of BS and trying to keep your shit together for your kids. I’m prayin for you girl❤
Okay,long shot here, Go ahead give the “space” , more than what’s being asked though… like, don’t be so available, be busy, make him think……
If he loves you he would have stayed is a strong comment.
Keep in mind he needs to love himself first
Mine did that to me i was with him for 10 years and he jus uped and left me and our 2 children and turns out he had a girlfriend and shes pregnant x
I could see it working. No different than before you lived together except for the financial part.
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Living separately is better in my opinion.
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It can still work out just because you guys had alot of downs he probably did it so the kids don’t see you guys arguing 1 that’s not healthy for the kids or ya 2. And if he still want to have date nights it might help you guys don’t mean he got another woman on the side it’s probably for the best to spend time apart
Nah hes just too chicken shit to tell u he wants to leave completely
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It’s hard to hold everything together on your own living separately will hurt the relationship more. If you can’t be there for each other at the end of the day it’s not going to work. Your just going to be hurting more you should move on it’s going to be hard because you love him but it’s going to hurt worse by hanging on trust me.
It’s called divorce, you just haven’t made it legal.
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