get yourself a new man girl he defer has a thing for her so you need to yourself a new man to get ur mind off his useless ass
I’m sorry, seems to Me like he is attracted to her. I have anxiety and depression as well as panic attacks so I know that feeling. When it’s just you and him, talk to him. The kids don’t need to listen in. Ask him calmly if he’s even happy with you anymore. Ask him if he wants a divorce. Don’t mean it, but watch his reactions. If he gets offensive, he is already hiding something. 9 years it’s that long to be honest. But nowadays, guys want something till they get it, once they get it, they want something else. That might be him, I’m not saying it is, but it’s highly possible.
Stop holding it back
Be the fire
What he’s doing is wrong
Even if you over think it
It’s giving me anxiety just knowing how he treats you
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If the other person knows or pays attention to this and allows your husband to openly swoon for her then she’s a sorry pos too. Let him scream and holler but go get you a divorce lawyer to draw up papers if he really loves you he’ll change his whole demeanor for you if he signs the papers then he’s already headed out the door
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Therapy for you and marriage counseling for you both. Hopefully a counselor can suss out what’s going on, get to the root of things and steer you in a positive direction, whether that’s repairing your relationship or ending it.
Talk to your friend and see if she senses what you do. Ask her how she feels about it, if it’s flattering, creepy, or ordinary. Give her a list of all the things you want hubs to do & have her tell him to do them so he gets it all done. 
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You know your own answer!
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Do yourself a favor and take his shit to her house for him since he’s too lazy.
If he doesn’t make you happy. Find a way out. You and Your kids deserve the best. Don’t settle.
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I would quit talking to her and tell him he isn’t allowed to either. You can’t walk him into her hands. Geezers. Delete and block her on Facebook. Maybe set up some romantic evenings for you two alone.
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If your gut instinct is telling you something is wrong 99% of the time it’s right …if this woman is your friend I would talk to her … but I would also call him out and be blunt…. I don’t believe as someone said you have been together 9 years ( he is too comfortable that’s why he won’t help )
Confront him tell him you answers as to why he is treating you this way !
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Hes playing you like a fool. Hes being very narcissistic by putting the blame on you and makeing out that your imagining these things. Girl confront him and walk and dont let him make you think that its your fault becouse your not crazy, keep reminding yourself that.
As someone above said be the fire! 
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You dont put your partner in a position to feel any type of way. That’s just wrong. Listen to your gut.
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I’m so sorry but thats abuse honey and you need to get away with your kids. Give him an ultimatum if it makes you feel better. Make him choose counseling or divorce. You shouldn’t come second to another woman. You’re his wife. He doesn’t deserve you. You kids don’t need to see their mom treated that way either.
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Where’s her husband?
BYE!!! That’s just so wrong…
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Why is she even telling him to get her shoes from the porch and shit like that?! Wtf!
I was once married to a controlling sob like that so I divorced him and have been living a good life with no bruising
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Don’t stand in the way of him finding his true love
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You need to leave. You staying and allowing to be treated like this is horrible for your kids to see. Children learn from their parents what type of relationships to look for when they are older. If you wouldn’t want them being treated this way, then you have answered your problem right there. He is showing he feels stuck. Take your children and leave, and be happy. You being upset from him affects your kids as well.
This post makes me so happy I’m single and finally in a healthy relationship with myself lol
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Oh hell no. This sounds like a middle school game.
He obviously doesn’t appreciate what he has.
There’s two options.
Wanna fix your marriage, cut her off & go to therapy & hopefully he doesn’t continue this behind your back.
Don’t wanna fix it, let her have him & move on.
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End the friendship, you owe her no explanation and I would not tell her your feelings if you don’t want to. Simply start disengaging by being busy when she calls, nothing rude just busy, when he says “ let’s go visit …” decline and say you don’t feel like hanging out with her much , and with 4 kids you can find real reasons why you are too busy to go visiting. Start visiting parks as a family, take walks with the kids, plan family game night, he may be in a funk but your instinct is telling you he’s into her and you know that because of how he acted when he was first into you, end the friendship, marriage is a vow , friendship is not!
If it makes him angry when you try to talk to him about it, there’s your answer.
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Addicts act like this, run. You will be at peace without him. They may have feelings for each other.
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The only woman you should come second to is his mama (if they are healthy and on good terms of course lol) otherwise I wouldn’t be accepting this at all. It’s a matter of respect as well. If he’s not willing to cut someone off for you…especially a female…that is just a dang red flag. Listen to your gut. Don’t let him keep gaslighting you. You aren’t crazy and deserve to be treated better.
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Can we summarize next time? Just go straight to the point…… anyways, you already know the answer.
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Listen to your instincts. Personally, I would get rid of both of them.
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Trust your instincts they are there for a reason and always serve you well,
Trust your gut it’s always right
Hes definitely not happy in the relationship and clearly neither are you. Yall neednto sit down as adults and figure yalls baggage our or separate
Some people are so rude / morbid on EVERY post.
Y’all have been married for nine years. You mentioned addiction which makes me think he’s on a road to being sober which isn’t easy for anyone and can really affect the way a person acts/feels as they start getting clean.
Go to counseling instead of asking a bunch of bitter people that act like their lives are perfect / they know all. It may be worth saving, it may not but I promise you won’t find your answer on here with SO many perspectives thrown at you.
Best of luck 
Addiction is difficult to deal with. I’m not sure how much time he has sober. But you should both look into AA. They also have Alanon for families. A lot of times people that turn to addiction have difficulties coping. Maybe never learning the proper and healthy ways to do so. Regardless of whether you stay or go the support provided by other individuals going through the same thing is very comforting and can really help you!
If it were me this is what I would do…
I would start making him realise why he married me. Men like things they can’t have. They like challenges. I would take extra time on myself and maybe do something different with my hair, use make up, do my nails etc to start making him think I have someone else’s attention. If he does or says anything about her compliment her or agree even if you have to inward cringe just pretend it doesn’t bother you anymore. He will start Wondering why doesn’t she bother you anymore. Even if you running to the store, dress up. Let his mind wander Abit. He has forgotten how to lust after you. Make his eyes want again.
If that fails then leave.
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Pack his bags, throw them out the door and put you and your children first x
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I mean this in the nicest way because I’ve been in a similar situation. If you have to ask/wonder then you already know the answer. It hurts bad and it won’t be easy, but take time for yourself to truly think about things. No discussion with him will produce anything you’re looking for right now.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
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It is his responsibility to respect your relationship and to make you feel comfortable and secure as his wife and mother of his children. He should never make you feel less than another woman or allow you to compare yourself to someone else. He should be apologizing and correcting his actions when you mention how uncomfortable you are because that’s his responsibility as your husband. He should NEVER allow you to feel like an option. He needs to go.
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This sounds like mental abuse. Don’t go see a councilor. He’s done. He just wants YOU to end it because he’s not man enough to do it himself. He said he’s lonely with you. That means he’s emotionally gone. I’m sorry. Staying longer will just torture you more. Tell him you’ll do it for him because he’s not man enough. Tell him you will let him go find it somewhere else. Isn’t that what he said. Call his bluff. See what he does. If he leaves y’all can find happiness with someone who will cherish you. If he says no he wants to stay ask why. Not just n the mental state he’s in. He alone needs help. Not you. Pray about it. God bless.
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Let go of the attachment and fear of failure. Our biggest storms give us the brightest rainbow. We don’t get to control other people’s actions, we only get to control our own response. If you were a middle man to them finding their " happiness", so be it. Follow your instincts and know that’s what is best for everyone will happen, regardless of whether or not it seems to look that way in the moment. Worst case scenario, your toddlerhood friend becomes step mom and your prince charming has an open door. Open your heart, lead with love (not fear or judgment) and watch your journey present itself. I appreciate your post, because I’ve been in your shoes. Love and blessings arrive when you allow them. Worry is a prayer for chaos
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but she your friend ?? Just stop going over there shit delete and block her:woman_shrugging: you said she not your best friend anyways (cut her out the picture) and if he still find way to contact her welp then move on with your 4 kiddos
Let him go find someone that will appreciate you and love you for who you are ,don’t be jealous it’s a green eyed monster
Sometimes you gotta throw the whole man away!
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Leave his sorry ass, you can do better
He’s a jerk and clearly doesn’t truly love you anymore! Leave now! Make a nice life for you and your kids! He’s cheating , you know it!
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Leave that asshat, take the kids and sign for divorce/seperation and you can deal with custody stuff later you dont need a half in and half out person in your life wasting your time its not fair to you and surely isnt fair to your kids
I can relate to you and I’ve only been with my boyfriend a year. It’s so sad to realize the fire burnt out. And what I’ve witnessed and been through it’s almost like there no saving it. I don’t have any advice other than depending on how old your kids are I wouldn’t put them through the suffering of watching this unfold. Trust me when I say if you leave now it’ll be better for your kids and you’ll feel great once you clear that episode. Just girl boss up, and know you can get through anything.
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Sounds like there is 3 of you in this marriage and one needs to go …. HER !
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I wouldn’t put up with that for 5 minutes. You’re better than that, and him. I would pack his things, set them out, and tell him he needs to go. As for her, she isn’t stupid, she knows exactly what he is doing and she is allowing it. She probably sucks, but she didn’t make a commitment to you. HE did.
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Y’all need counseling if you want to try and fix your marriage. Or just do the easy thing and kick him out without even trying to work things out. 
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Listen to ur gut! That’s is what I’ve learned and it hasnt steered me wrong.
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Stop going to her place let’s see if he will still have a reason to go there. If he keeps going there without you, she will find it strange and either stop or encourage him. Just give her house a break. Secondly, make sure you are on a birth control so you don’t have to get pregnant for him again. If you are both going to break up, 4 kids is enough work for you. Just build yourself, make friends and let him be until you decide.
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I would also tell her and tell him to knock it off are you not going to stay with him he needs to get with the program He’s a grown man with children He’s selfish
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Stop going over to her house!
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Leave that abusive mf
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Sounds like you have lost his interest and he views you as more of a dictator than a partner in some way y’all have lost your connection probably going to have to do some changing on both parts to make it work if you want it to work lead the way in the changes most important things to men are respect from a partner and Appreciation and of course physical touch
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I can’t believe the amount of people that are like RUN!! She’s been married to him for 9yrs & has 4 kids to this guy! No wonder there are so many divorces & broken families… people running at the slightest inconvenience. Until he physically acts upon his desires then really all were stuck with is ‘he has desires’ which most of your men will have but you just don’t know about them! She needs to handle this situation in confidence & help bring back the spark in their own relationship… not just run at each inconvenience or act like his mum by telling him off, that’ll just push him further! Remember… you don’t own your partner they are very free to feel as & how they like. It’s our job if the relationship is worth keeping to think up ways of keeping it fun & not miserable. To me he sounds a bit miserable in his own relationship atm & that’s the problem that needs dealt with in order for him not to pine after anyone else
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Get an attorney an get your ducks in a row. Have him served divorce papers at work an when you know what day it’s going to happen have all locks changed, get money out of bank and when he comes to get his things, have a cop present for safety. Let him go where he thinks the grass is greener.
NEVER SETTLE LADIES. you deserve better 
. JMO. (people don’t change)
why stay if your unhappy and not good for the kids to hear/see all the arguments
Good Luck
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Your husband has the hots for your friend. Of course he doesn’t admit it. He sounds so miserable anyway, you might as well leave him.
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Flag it don’t continue to punish yourself your kids need a loving and caring inviroment so pack his bags and get on with it be strong.
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Not trying to tell you what to do, but…If I were in your situation, I’d leave him. Emotional cheating is f**king awful. It’s so much more devastating than physical cheating in my opinion. He seems to be so deeply invested in pleasing this lady, when the things he should be invested in are his marriage and his family. He may not be sleeping around and your friend may not be responding to any of his advances (physical or otherwise), but clearly, his emotions are with her, and not you. And clearly, your friend knows she has your husband wrapped. She’s treating him like an errand boy, and she is not doing anything to discourage his behavior toward you, either. You deserve so much better than this. Better friends and a better romantic partner, too. Spare yourself the indignity and get out now. If he really wanted things to work out between the two of you, he’d be invested in making the effort. If she was really your friend, she would have called out his crappy behavior and squashed his romantic inclinations a long time ago.
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You will need to seek counseling to save your marriage. It sounds like he is infatuated with her and has mentally checked out of the marriage. Communication is essential and it’s needed immediately, especially since you have been having problems for a while.
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You don’t say who has the addiction. That is a big part if this. Because you don’t say my feeling us it is you. That is what drove the wedge between you and your husband.
If this woman is such a problem, why do you continue to go over to her home?
You and your husband need some counseling. If he refuses to go, then you need to get some. If you are the addict, you should be in treatment for recovery. They can help you find a therapist. If he is the addict, he needs to be in recovery. He needs to be in therapy.
If you have 4 children you should have a thought for them. It doesn’t sound like either one of you focus on your children. If you did this other woman would not exist.
I wish you the best of luck. Without all of the info it is very hard to give specific advice.
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Your whole text makes me sick are you that naive woman move on for the love of God
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I’ll tell you what my mom told me when I was little that I didn’t initially believe but have learned is true: if you trust people with your emotions they will use them to hurt you. Sounds like at the very least your hubby is playing with your emotions and using them against you. You could try counseling it may help. Best of luck.
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You enjoy your life with your kids and let him be. If you dont have a job, get one and start to put $$ away in an account with your name and one of your youngest kids. He cant touch that…get ready for the big move at anytime …get some AA or ALANON help and some strong women as friends…this isn’t going to get easier but the stronger and more independent you are will make it easy for you. You got this
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Hes already being intimate with her .
Try discussing it with her and tell her to stay away from your husband and don’t go over any more . If they continue talk to them together snd tell them , game over . Leave and be done with him
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Talk to him honestly. Suggest y’all go to marriage counseling together. If he refuses, divorce him. You’re not crazy. Anxiety and depression are difficult to deal with but they don’t cause you to hallucinate. You’re seeing what you’re seeing and your feelings are valid. Please don’t forget that
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He cheated and he checked out. Leave his sorry ass because he not worth your time and you deserve better. The way he treating you is abusive behavior. Don’t let your kids grow up knowing it’s okay to be treated like that. He not a man but a man child who needs to grow up
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Oh I’ve been there flirting with my so called friend or sister, wanting to stay n spend more time, doing little jobs he won’t do for you, being the very best for her not you, possibly sleeping with her as well, it’s very Similar to the road I travelled. So be careful get all your eggs in the right carton as before long you may need every single one. Keep your eyes open, but I’d stop visiting this person firstly either yourself or as a couple. Don’t suggest a visit or even mention her name n if by chance he does go over give him 15minutes or more n follow, you may be surprised by what you see or find out. Just be careful, don’t be silly, don’t give an inch, good luck.
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You say you just ran into this old friend 3 weeks ago… but it sounds like you have been having problems for quite a while longer. You guys have got into the blame game… so I think you need to change the tone of the conversation. Ask him if he’s willing to set aside some time to talk about how things are between you, some time when you both agree to try to talk without losing your temper, etc.
If he agrees to do this… the very first thing to do, at the beginning of this set-aside time is to say ‘thank you, for agreeing to this’ … it sets a positive tone… and maybe start by saying something that is on your mind, but isn’t accusing… like 'I miss how we used to be… and I really want us to get back there… ’ … and try to tell each other what is going on, and try to listen.
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Leave him and find that happiness you need. You deserve respect. You deserve love. Not being treated like that.
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TRUST YOURSELF. you’re asking to get validation of what you already know. I’m sorry. It hurts. But I’d leave him before he leaves you. The longer it goes the more it will hurt. And stop hanging out with the girl. But eventually someone else will come along and same thing. Maybe one chapter is ending and another is on the way.
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You need to leave him because he will cheat on you with her the very first moment she shows any interest. He doesn’t respect you or your marriage. Get out before you get really hurt.
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I say invite her over to your house and ask him to fix something or help with the kids. Let her see how he really acts when it comes to his own family. Keep inviting her over till she sees the real him.
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If you feel this way, why do you n your husband keep going over to her house,stay at your own house n don’t allow him to go,he wants her if he haven’t had her already, don’t be stupid, I wouldn’t leave let him leave if he’s not happy.
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Look I didn’t even read the whole post …but it is clear to me that it is over…weather this wo.an is or will give him attention or not …he is looking for something else n he will find it…if he is ignoring you …fighting you…and not helping you …throw him out…or move out with the kids if you can …it’s over
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You aren’t confused. You are in denial! He isn’t in love with you anymore. It happens. No need to throw the marriage away, especially with four children. You do need some time apart. Find a baby sitter and make an appointment to sit down and have a heart to heart talk with your husband. Forget your friend. She is a symptom, not a cause. Ask him what he wants. Let him know you can do without him if need be. You may feel like you can’t but you’d be surprised how little he is contributing to your life right now. If you can afford it arrange for him to move out for a while. A trial separation can give you both a break from all the tension and a new perspective on how you want the future to be. It will take the pressure off both of you. Don’t get destroyed if it turns out he is cheating. It’s probably just sex, not love. Give yourselves enough space and time to calm down and make rational decisions about your future and your children’s welfare.
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You are not faking anything. Both very unhappy. Tall need counseling. He’s worried about something and can’t tell you or he feels overwhelmed with his life or his job. Perhaps the kids are too much for him and maybe he’s falling out of love…it happens. If nothing else you go see a counselor. If you don’t go to church maybe you should go
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Why are you letting him degrade you. Why can’t you stand on your own 2 feet and tell him bullshit take care of her I’m out of here with the kids. You need to respect yourself so your children can respect you and know how to carry on in life when things get rough.He’s not going to change it will never happen. Find happiness within yourself and your family. You heard the saying men are dogs when they get tired of us it’s over it’s completely over.
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It sound like the addictive personality is taking over. Will he go to counseling? ( Probably not since they would be aware of his addition too). I’m so sorry for your situation.
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Leave him… Years Down the line if you stay you wish you had… Trust me on this… It will be hard but your life will get better in time an you
will look back. N think thank god. Plus you deserve n your kids more… Do it… Or you will regret it… Good luck…
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Seems to me you know the answer to this issue just not wanting to face it, addiction is the big issue here, if you feel there is something going on , then why go to this other woman’s place, you barely mention your children like they are an after thought, top priority is them, tell him how you feel, if he doesn’t want to stay home and work on the marriage and be with the children , then try therapy if not for both for you and your children, start making steps to leave and better yourself, you deserve to be happy and so do your children, if you have an addiction get some help, there are all sorts of programs for women and children, if he wants to work on the relationship he will start to make it a priority, if not.his loss,
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My ex did that, a lot. Last time with my so called best friend. Its not good news I’m afraid. You deserve to be happy, leave him. You WILL be OK xx
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Put her aside for a minute. Just focus on making your marriage work. Jealousy never helps. This is between you two. Counselling may help. Making a bit more effort for couple time.
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Sounds like he is cheating on you. He has not done anything physical yet, but sounds mentally and emotionally he is cheating. Honey, the other side is not always greener. Sounds to me that he is in a slump. The other gal might be picking up on his vibes. I just hope they have not done anything behind your back. I would get some marriage counseling. It may help you guys out.
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He is doing just what your gut tells you. You aren’t crazy and he is lying. Best to find a counselor for you and the kids and move on.
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If he treats you badly why would you want to stay and if you do stay what message are you giving to your children?
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If u see all of that in your presence then he may have feelings for her, ask her about it and leave him, he dont respect u, u cant change him u can only change u, if he is worth it stay but not then leave!
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Listen to your gut! This is exactly how cheating starts. But I would definitely pray about it and see if he would agree to counsel but otherwise no…I’d be gone.
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First of all, he should not be doing anything for her. Bring in her shoes? WTF is even that about? Sounds like he’s going out of his way for her while just dumping on you. Talk to her, tell her that she needs to stop asking him to do things for her. Explain the situation to her like you just did here. See what her reaction to this is. If you’re interested in trying to save your marriage, then maybe try marriage counseling. If he refuses, then I think it’s time for him to go. Men do not usually go out of their way to be ordered around by a woman he’s not married to unless they’re interested in her. In this case, I think your instincts are right. Counseling or divorce would be the choice I would give him.
Do you have children? You both are insecure. Stop blaming and grow some self respect. You don’t like yourself and this shows your insecurity. You can’t change people. Decide if it’s better to end this❤️
Your pushing him into a affair with her. Your are Bitching most of the time. If he works for a living, give him a break. Think twice before you accuse him.
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LEAVE him and don’t look back. Your happiness is no concern to him obviously, and if you took the time to write all of this, you already know.
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His behavior sounds like its coming from a guilty conscience
You already know the answer. Pack his stuff and put him out. He is already playing the standard games most men play when they have checked out of a relationship. From here on out he will just chip away at any confidence you have left. That’s what they do , next you will be crazy, your paranoid, your a nag, you don’t take care of yourself the same bla bla bla. Until you’re left picking pieces of your confidence off the floor. Don’t give him or anyone the power to make you feel anyway but happy.
This marriage needs counseling and as soon as possible. Instead of turning to social media, get professional help.
Sorry but hes about to cheat if he hasnt yet.time to leave that homestead.
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Go to marriage counseling. Remind him of your children, family and commitment before God and family. Talk to the one person he does respect and listens to then enlist that person to help reel him in before he really goes off the deep end and cheats. His disrespect, blaming and avoiding the issues will get worse if not addressed in a different way that will reach him. Pray, talk with your pastor and get your pastor to reach out to him as he is spiraling and needs grounding. Praying for healing with your family🙏
Apparently this woman is not your friend. Wake up and smell the coffee.
Pack his clothes and wish him luck…Get a great lawyer…If it isn’t her it will be another woman!
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