Don't feel comfortable with my ex's new GF

So my child’s father and I split up a few months ago and things were very hard he wouldn’t work with me on anything only against me. He used to let me call my daughter every night to say goodnight or ask how her night was the days she was with him since I agreed to 50 50 custody with out court but than he stopped letting me call her etc. I have never refused any phone calls of his to her and still don’t he has recently got a girlfriend within the last month and decided that he’s too busy with “work” that he can’t do 50 50 anymore I’m fine with it because more time for me I just wish he wanted the same. Since he brought his girlfriend around my daughter last week and didn’t tell me until after she was around her even though we had an agreement to meet someone if they were going to be around our child this was last Thursday she met my daughter And has only been around her 2 times and last night I found out my daughter was going to sleep at this girls house where idk where it is or anything at all so he’s jumping into his hard what do you think I should do? I get I don’t have a say when she’s with dad but I’m not comfortable with my daughter sleeping at this girls house when she barely knows her she’s only 3 and what if she doesn’t feel comfortable to ask to go to the bathroom or something or since she has a big dog at home she plays with what if this girls dog doesn’t like that she can play with my dog comfortable and gets bit etc

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Don't feel comfortable with my ex's new GF

Unfortunately if you have a court order, usually you don’t have any say what dad does on his time unless the child is in danger or being exposed to drug/alcohol/domestic abuse.

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Make sure the court order states you are allowed calls every single night and to know her location at all times. It’s so hard in the beginning, but I promise it gets better. My ex is similar and he’s on GF 12 or 13 now and it’s always the same cycle.

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How do you not like his GF if you’ve never met her? I do understand that it makes you feel uncomfortable, but maybe she’s really good with your guys daughter. Maybe just talk with him and see if you guys could all meet up in person. I feel like if your open to it and seem interested and understand about it things may get better. Just try your best. Especially when co-parenting is so hard. Good luck!

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Since he has a new life and doesn’t have time for her take him to court get full physical custody of your daughter. Men are stupid and every time a new woman comes in pic they put kids on back burner. Sad I know was married for 24 yrs never in my life he would drop his kids the way he did, boy was I wrong. Do what you need to do for your child he will regret it one day.

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Really, you are just being petty and trying to make trouble. Unless you have proof the child is in danger, just leave them alone. It isn’t up to you to like her or even talk to her. Who the dad is with is his own business and if she spends nights where he chooses you have no say. Just like he has no say over that you do on your time

Of course you have a say when she’s with her Dad.

Def go to court! Without a court order, you can’t do anything. If dad decides to be mean and keep her, he legally can. Cops won’t get involved either without a court order or immediate danger. Always have a paper trail. I dont know if thr court will agree with you needing to know where she is at any given time when it’s dads time.

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Get a damn custody order thru court. Hope u realize that since there’s no legal binding agreement between y’all that if he wants to he can keep your daughter from you until a judge says otherwise n no cops don’t do anything abt it cause it’s considered a civil matter.

You’re right, you don’t have a say so when she is with her dad… trust that he knows what he’s doing. You have no control with where they stay while she is in his care. As long as it’s a safe environment… and just because she has a dog, doesn’t mean it’s not safe. Her dad will be there and obviously you felt he was capable up until now to make decisions… so because he’s dating he’s not? :thinking:

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Get a court order right now for you can see and talk to your daughter that is not right what your x is do now.

The court does not permit cohabitation with children so take her from him…I went through this BS for years with two kids…It cost you in many ways…be stay strong and fight You cannot be nicd to these people!

For the record, I have stopped court ordered visitations with my son and his father when it wasn’t stipulated about emotional/romantic partners just because I didn’t feel comfortable with it myself. I had never met the girl, so my son isn’t going to met her either. Guess what?! The court AGREED with me.

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Court can always check into the relationship status if you know she’s was a felon of child neglect I was able to provide that to my judge it was requested that my ex must be with my.children at all times while with said gf it didn’t last she was a felon of child neglect and abuse her case was also still open and wasn’t complying with CPS at the MDT meetings so you can tell you ex to compky or you’ll see him in court you also need to document his schedule for work and how many times a month he has had her any text messages or fv messages can be used

I have said this before and I’ll say it again… your ex is not obligated to let you meet a girlfriend you are not entitled to that just because you have a child your ex her father he can do what he wants while he has his child with out your permission PERIOD
You are the ex not the jail warden take care of your kid and co parent with him if it’s not strictly about your daughter then it’s non of your business

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Time to lawyer up, Mama.

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Get a court order you said it is not court ordered

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Always follow your gut don’t allow anybody to call you “bitter” lol your child comes first just because others have allowed poor coparenting choices in their relationships doesn’t mean you have to follow those examples! You are the mother you definitely have a right to know who is around your child and if there was a verbal agreement he knows what he’s doing goes against that.

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Go get your daughter and file for emergency custody. He has NO RIGHTS unless established by a judge.

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Don’t do visitation without the courts. No matter what you agree on verbally or on paper it can’t be enforced. Tell him no visits. You’re not obligated to allow them without a court order. It looks good in court of you do. But it doesn’t really affect anything. You can always tell the judge you weren’t comfortable with his behavior changes & him taking your girl to the GF’s house. If he files for visitation get a lawyer. Before then document everything.

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You agreed to 50/50 custody without a court order…which means, you can definitely take your child and say you’re not comfortable with her sleeping over at someone’s home when you have no idea who they are.

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It feels strange to me that you have no say what happens with your daughter when she’s with her Dad. Especially where new partners are concerned. Different if its a long term thing but kids shouldn’t be exposed to every person you sleep with.

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If there is no order keep your baby make him take you to court he’s gonna have to pay a lawyer that will be a lot of money then you guys can hash out all the details

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If agreed with eachother without courts, I’d opt to go to court.
But first- bring your concerns to him. Ask him to go to a meet place for her drop off/pickup at a mcds or some place your 3yo can play, so you 2 can talk.
Bring up your concerns. Don’t be accusing but definitely assertively aim to find resolution. If he acts like an ass now that he’s got a gf doesn’t feel the need to have a healthy cparent relationship with you then I would move to courts.
Be sure you bring to the court he already broke the agreement you 2 had. He’s never introduced the gf to you and that was agreed on, and makes you uncomfortable bc the IMPORTANT thing here is your daughter’s safety. I think that is the main concern and your ex rushed right into stuff when typically parents are suppose to wait atleast a year.
Now, I do have to say this. I hope you are able to meet the gf and she turns out to be something great for your daughter. If your kid ends up being some1 that can love her then trust me! You want that. People that can love her rather than harm is always ideal w our kids. Definitely try to meet gf first and coparent.

Go to court, set legal limits, get child support set, like you should of done in the first place. You can put whatever you want in a court order.

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Not your time not your say. You cannot dictate where her father takes her in his court ordered time. You have to trust he will put her well being above all else and if you see flags you contact the proper channels but as a bonus mom ill tell you now our time is our time and we do what we please with our kids we deserve ever right to enjoy every moment with them as their mom.

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Go to court get ur rights

I have to agree with Morgan Stone, you’re not obligated or entitled to meet her. When she’s with her dad, he’s fully in charge since you agreed to 50/50 and agreed he was fully able to care for her and make day to day decisions for her 50% of the time. You’ve already talked yourself up into having this bad idea of her, which is unhealthy on your part. Don’t do that to yourself. Think happy thoughts, your daughter will eventually speak on this woman, and you’ll know what your daughter thinks then. Just because this woman has a dog doesn’t mean she has a killer dog going to attack your child it’s normal that people have a pet. You’re starting off hating her and her way of life. That’s not healthy. The courts also don’t like if you go in there and sound like you’re just being bitter and putting your feelings and emotions above the child’s. I’d say treat yourself to coffee, take a walk around the local park and calm and think on it then darling go and get a court order and sit down and discuss what you want and don’t want and the attorney can advise you, but you need a court order to follow regardless if it’s 50/50 or 80/30. Maybe meet with dad and have a heart to heart conversation about the child and what you both want. However you two have to co-parent until she’s 18, you all can make it as easy or as hard as it needs to be but remember above all it’s about HER not your feelings or dads. I don’t agree keeping her from Dad, that’s going to hurt her. She doesn’t understand why she can’t see her daddy. You don’t want that. Remember he can do the same to you because there is no court order stopping him. Also, if you two can’t come to an agreement the judge will for you, and it’s not going to be what you want or him. I wouldn’t want a third party having a say on my child’s day to day, it’s best you and him talk it out like adults and come up with what works best your daughter, you know your daughter better than a judge.

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I would go to court immediately and file for custody.

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You dont have a say what happened when she is at dad’s. You need to trust him to be a dad and protect her. If you HONESTLY feel like she might be in danger then get a parenting plan that states what exactly you want and let the judge decide. Don’t just take your child away from their dad, thats only hurting them and being selfish on your side. Think if it were the other foot, you have a bf and yall go to the fair and it’s late so you guys just crash at his house instead of driving back to yours. Unless your daughter staying at her house becomes a permanent thing then you can worry but shouldn’t punish your child for not agreeing with your ex. Yall aren’t together anymore, he trusts you with your daughter during your time then you should show the same trust to him.

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Go to court and get an actual parenting agreement. Until then he can do anything he wants on his time as long as your child is safe.

I feel this way but also understand how she feels, it’s such a fine line of jealousy on all parts, I get real fickle when my child’s father dates someone new because my kids are so young and they can’t speak for themselves in this fuxed up world we live in, but… at the sane time I get that he can do him without me intervening. With that being said, I’d be pissed if he was all in my business like that but I get where he would be coming from. You just have to have trust in one another to be responsible an Co parent! Trust until you have a reason not to trust an focus on what’s best for the child. Her as a woman should understand why mom wants to meet her but that also falls under the new GF maturity level as well🤷‍♀️

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I honestly couldn’t imagine someone coming into my childs life like that and I NOT know them. Idc. If it’s serious enough to meet the kids. It’s serious enough for me to know who is going to be having a hand in raising them. Because that is, after all, the goal of relationships with kids. If it isn’t and she is just there for the dad, then she has no business around MY kids.
It’s not being a bitter baby mama cause IDGAF about my ex in a romantic sense AT ALL. But my kids? That is my whole world, and it is my job to ensure their safety. Whenever he does find someone, I will definitely be meeting them BEFORE they meet my kids. Anyone who could just be okay with their kids being helped raised by a stranger doesn’t care about thier childs well being, they are just happy to be rid of them 🤷 I said what I said.

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What happens on his time is not your business unless she is a drug addict or has child abuse charges you can’t stop it.

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Is there anything about his parenting that makes you worry? If not, then you need to trust that he won’t let anything happen to her.

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If I was you, I would definitely ask very nicely if you all can get lunch or something. There’s not much that you can do when it’s his time w her. But it will absolutely give you peace of mind to know her.
B very polite & jus c if they can all agree to that.

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File for actual custody and stick to the court order. Request no overnight visits with new spouses until they’ve been together a certain amount of time, which this will be for you too. Also request right of first refusal which means if he has her and needs a sitter he has to ask you first before he has the girlfriend watch her. Ask to talk through a parenting app that the judge will have access to, to avoid conflict and if there is any the judge will see it. Good luck!

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Personally if dad doesn’t want to introduce you, I’d reach out to her. And since it doesnt seem you have any reasons to be upset with HER I’d simply be like “hey girl! I was hoping we could go grab lunch or coffee and get to know eachother a little bit. I understand you’ll be spending sometime with my daughter and just like to meet whoever’s is going to be in her life…etc” and see how that lands? You never know she could be great. If it isnt received well I’d start the process of getting a court ordered custody agreement for peace of mind

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You may be viewing this all wrong and damn some of these comments are so toxic :sweat_smile: His new girlfriend could be the best thing to happen. Seriously! Make her your “friend” and kindly involve her, what you want is kind people who care about your child involved right… takes a village.

If you play this right you can have her and any future gf’s on your good side, that’s the best way to do it. That gives you a way better idea of what’s happening over there, dodges courts which is tricky and messy. Shows your daughter kindness and unity. Not everyone needs a judge to come in and rule their lives and not everyone likes what the judge does when they do get them involved. If I were you, and I was once upon a time, I would befriend her and be positive. No doubt she’ll be one of many but the real danger will probably be the estrangement the kid will deal with, the trianglulation, etc etc if you go into this next chapter of your life already projecting negativity on to this woman who you probably have things in common with- like taste in men lol- and truly even if you go to court you get no say over his time with her so accept that. But kindness, a welcoming environment, that will help…

Go to court…when you don’t have a court order there is nothing stopping him. The main thing is you don’t know who this woman has in her house. That instantly puts your child in a world of danger

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I’ve been exactly where you are at. My daughter is now 7, and we went to court when she was about 6-8mo. The judge said that what is done on dad’s time is done on dad’s time. If the child is injured or anything else happens while on dad’s watch, that is on dad. It took a long time for me to learn to let go and let what happens happen. She met 17 women in a matter of two years. Some of these women were spending the night with her and her dad. I was beyond livid, but at the end of the day, I couldn’t do anything about it. The one thing that I could do, and still do, is document everything! Write everything down. Any judge will tell you that you are allowed contact with your child and you as a mother are allowed to know where your child is staying. Take him to court and get all of that in writing! You’re powerless until you have a court order stating this. Other than you being allowed contact and knowing where she is staying at night, the rest is up to him. It’s rough, but that’s the way the courts look at it.

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I personally don’t understand why this is such an issue. Have you had problems in the past with him being dangerous with them or bringing them around dangerous people ? Why don’t you trust him as a father to keep your child safe ?

If you do trust him to keep them safe, just have a conversation with him about your concerns. Address the issue about if your kid wakes up to pee and is scared. Stuff like that I can understand, but all it takes is a conversation. Let him know you’re not trying to control things and you’re just looking out for your kid’s best interest as you don’t want them to be scared.

If there’s no safety issue then I’d suggest taking some time to step back and reflect on why it bothers you so much. If it was a platonic friend would you feel the same way ?

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He does NOT need to have a brand new girlfriend babysitting your daughter. If he isn’t with daughter then daughter should be with you.

You need to go to court and get 60/40 or whenever he’s been doing lately. And you need to make sure they include “first right of refusal” for you. That means if she’s in Dad’s care and he can’t watch her (because of work or whatever) that you have first choice in having her be with you instead of a babysitter.

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First you say you don’t feel comfortable with your ex’s new girlfriend, but you don’t even know her, you should be upset with your ex not the girlfriend, my best advice is try to meet the girlfriend and get to know her.

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You trusted him enough to get pregnant by him. Trust him enough to be a father and take care of her when she’s with him.

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The ONLY way to enforce rules like your daughter not sleeping at the GF house is to go to court and make those in the court papers. Without that you have NO say so

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If there’s no court agreement then what you say goes. I’d tell him that she is to be at his house and he will keep you up to date on who’s around her or he can go to court and then you can just add it to yalls court agreement then.

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So the child shows no signs of danger or harm being done to her? Idk sounds like someone wants to control the whole situation…Including his relationship. A judge is going to tell you what he does on his time…is his time. Women leave out how many men they have had around the child but quick to throw a man under

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If I were you, I would have a chat with the girlfriend. Your best bet is to be COOL with her for your daughters sake. This way there will be less issues and you can learn more about her and how she is, etc…

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U r 100% correct…the best way to establish say is legally since hes busy doing “other things” and i feel like 3 yrs old is too young to be at stranger’s houses and big cujo dogs, lol but if something happens to your baby 3 yr. Old whos fault will it really be?..think about it. If it dont feel right. It is not right. Good luck

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Control freak. No harm done here but wants to see and know it all… mind your business

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Get a court order. Just remember if you ask for things like no GF overnight stays, he can ask the same as you. You can also ask to put down calls, child’s location and etc. Anything you ask for he can ask the same unless you can prove it’s harmful to the child. My ex has mental issues and he cannot go more than 100 miles with the kids, has to tell me where they’re going, how long, no overnights with kids and has to be supervised the entire time he has the children.

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Do you tell him when you’re going to introduce her to someone new? Do you worry about a dog on the street smelling your dog on your child and attacking? Does dad get first dibs if you need a “sitter”?Probably not. Most of the time girlfriends make deadbeats actually want to be dads. Unless it’s a new girl every other week you’re overreacting and need to let it go.

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You do not get any say while she is in dad’s care. The judge will tell you that to your face in open court. Just as you’re trusted to leave her in the care of someone responsible, he is too. It is extremely difficult to go through. Been in this situation with both of my kids and I could tell you some horror stories. The best thing you can do is become friendly with all parties involved and you’ll be amazed at how things can change for the better. The more bitter you are the more resistant he will be.

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In this case YOU DO have a say she should t be going where you don’t know where she is or with someone you don’t even know and tell him that she won’t be going until you do figure out where her house is, meet her, and see where she will be sleeping don’t let him make you think you don’t have a say so I’m this because your the mom and have her most the time it sounds like since he’s not doing 50/50 anymore and if that causes an issues take it to court and get lawyer to make up a parenting plan with specific instructions for when she does go to dads it sounds dumb you would have to do that but since dad doesn’t want to cooperate then he’ll HAVE to follow those rules since it’s court ordered

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She’s too young for going to someone’s home overnight. I’d be upset too.

It’s definitely time to get a legal agreement.

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its such a tangled web at times like this. get legal advice to protect yourself and your kids. kids suffer more than we know, need to make sure they feel secure. recommend try to function as a ‘family unit’ sometimes for sake of kids, couple dinners out here and there both of you with them, both there xmas morning…stuff like that. the more they feel your animosity towards each other the more worrying it is to them and they start keeping secrets. never should that be put on a kid

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Take it to court let the law get involved because they can make stipulations about this kind of stuff

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What is wrong with some of y’all? Before JUST assuming she does the stuff they agreed NOT to do… consider that she holds up to her end and that is why she is upset that he doesn’t. It is her business…as well as it is his business what goes on during her time. It is irrelevant if he is “too busy” to even see her as much as he agreed… you can indeed go to court and it get ordered that you can speak to her at least once per 24 hour time frame ( certain time, say 7pm daily) also can and will likely be ordered NEITHER parent has overnight guest while they have the child that is of the opposite sex and not a spouse or that they stay with others. Seriously with joint 50/50 physical custody NEITHER should have the child around random ppl… they don’t have to and it is absolutely none of the others business what goes on in the 7 days the child isn’t with them. I mean legal stuff isn’t. And they allow at least the ONE call daily so the non present parent can still speak to the child (that is the issue) and also the present parent doesn’t and can’t claim harassment, control, etc… she is entitled to feel uneasy if she wants, any parent that can no longer speak to their child while with another ANYONE should be concerned. He would be equally as “uneasy” if she started not allowing calls as well!! Good luck and :pray: Wouldn’t be a bad idea to get an attorney and edit papers. I will agree on keeping it :100: about the child.

Well you could go to court and try to get the judge to agree that both of you can’t bring your significant others around for a set period of time or whatever.

I think it will only get more complicated as time goes on. Example : When you find someone else .
I’m a step mother too 3 beautiful kids. So this is coming from my point of view.
My boyfriends children’s mom , she hates me . And it’s been about 3 years now. I’ve been nothing but caring, loving, giving and supportive. But for some reason she hates me.
And it makes it so much harder for my boyfriend and her to co parent.
I think before anything goes any further in his life or yours, I think a custody agreement would be the best Decision

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If you trust her father to offer 50/50 without court, you need to let this go.

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No court agreement. He has just as much say as you do.

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You do have a say and he broke the verbal agreement you had. Time to legalize it.

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No court order means nothing, my son came home hurt from the fiancé after been at dads and hers for contact which I involved the police and social services

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Maybe it’s time that you take this matter to court. As far as your ex meeting new women and bringing your child around them, you probably can’t stop that. HOWEVER, you can address where your child will be spending nights at while she is with him. It’s RIDICULOUS for people to say you don’t need to know what’s going on with your child while she’s with her father. You have every right to know. I’m with the father of my children and we both only have kids with each other. HOWEVER, speaking as a mother if I was to ever with a man with children I wouldn’t mind meeting the kids mother. :woman_shrugging:t4:TBH, I would prefer it.

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u need a legal agreement

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Only a few months? Court is your only recourse. Until then, no going with dad 50/50. Her safety and security comes first. He can see her once a week or so until court. You need to know who and where. Now if you 100% trust her with her dad that’s different. It sounds like you don’t trust his judgement. If that’s the case why is she going?

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u get no say who she’s around when she’s worth dad. just like he gets no say when she’s with u. get. over. it.

he trusts her enough to be around his kid. that should be enough.

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Just stop it, and let your kid have a dad, and possibly a step mom. Your literally trippin off of nothing. Nothing has happened, your issues are petty and personal, not having much relating to her welfare while with her dad. Don’t alienate that relationship based on what your complain about here In this post. That would be so unnecessary. Your concerns can be discussed with dad, but shouldn’t affect time spent with him.

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If there is no court order he can take her where ever. Go to court ASAP

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Time to go to the courts. Y’all clearly can’t work together.

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Take it to court. Only way for him to do exactly what court orders and set in stone so to speak. Word of mouth agreements are messy. My son is in one and I don’t recommend it. Court is the way I would go. Good luck

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You need to get a court issued custody agreement and set visitation for your safety and your daughters

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its its perfectly normal to worry because that’s what good moms do but unless you feel like her daddy is a danger to her, you dont need to worry so much

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I guess I’m happy with the laws in my country. They check background of both the parents but before the child is 7 the child will stay with the mother. But if the mother isn’t capable but the dad is, then the dad. During this time, dad is allowed to ask about the child, needs to pay child support, if not they face harsh punishment by law. dad’s can visit (both will talk and decide when, where) and take the child to places after discussing with the mother. The mother have the rights to ask where the child has been to, same goes to dad. After the child turns 7 he/she will be asked to go to court and decide where to stay according to where she’s most comfortable and her needs taken care of. If she’s not ready then 50/50 custody.

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I think the only way to go about this would be getting everything on paper

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Go to court and ask for limits to be set. My ex was doing this with my son which was ok at first . But then he would start canceling and saying he was overworked (he didnt work) and was too bus. Then leaving my son by himself or with strangers like said new girlfriends while he wasn’t even there. So I took him to court to set limits. So I suggest going to court as soon as possible.

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Get an actual custody agreement

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Oh honey. Lemme start by saying I am so sorry. I am sure this situation is still new and fresh. Girlfriends will come and go but you have to trust your child’s father to keep her safe like he did while y’all were together. He needs to respect choices you make together when it comes to your little girl. But you also gotta try and trust him. And that he wouldn’t put her im a situation that was not safe. I feel for you. I am new to this single parent thing and I can imagine the feelings I’ll have if he starts to date. But it’s just something we will have to learn to accept.

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She has her father with her! How would u feel if he questioned her daughters well being while around you? The only thing I see wrong is him not telling u about her before hand. Thats inmaturity because its all about the kid now. You will one day start dating too and u dont want it to come back to you. At 3 your baby only knows love. If u make it hard for the new girl, she may resent ur kid. Its best if she is gonna be around her that she has a good relationship with ur daughter.

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Go to court and get all this worked out in writing. Ignore some of the negative nasty people on here. You’re being a good mother and looking out for your daughter and protecting her :heart:

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Even with a court order or having it in your divorce agreement isn’t going to do anything unless you go to or back to court. Then it’s more money out of your pocket. This is how they get away with it. They figure you’re not going to go through the hassle or want to pay for court.

In both parenting plans I have with my kids dads, it states boyfriends/girlfriends can not stay overnight when the kids are there. If yours says anything about it you can file for contempt. If you don’t have a parenting plan go to court and get one. Being up him taking y’all’s child to spend the night at her house and explain why you aren’t comfortable with it.

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So he was working before? But now there’s a new girl on the scene “his too busy with work” :rofl:
Flippin’… sounds like his too busy with the new lass, to wants his daughter. :woman_shrugging:t3:

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She is three old enough for you to ask her the same questions in this post. When she come home question her but not to make her uncomfortable. Did you meet the girlfriend if not then it’s time.

And also go to courts n work out another agreement that you are comfortable with .

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My dead beat baby daddy gave up his rights for his girlfriend because she didn’t want to be a stepmom and now he sees our daughter for like 2 hrs every Monday but yea I have full custody of her and I hate his gf found out he only sees his little gf once a week. So yea maybe try to have her with u so u have a say?

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I would involve the courts at this point. They WILL set solid guidelines and one of them would most likely be that the child isn’t to spend the night at ANYONE’S significant others house and that the parent and significant other have to be together for at least a year before they meet the child.

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Stand up for your child’s safety. Some girlfriends are fake in front of boyfriends. Need to know her and agree for her to have your child.

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YOU chose him to be the father of your child…so surely, you trust his decisions that he makes for her!!

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I don’t see why dad would take her anywhere unsafe and stay the night there himself. It’s taking you out of your comfort zone but I think you gotta relax momma.

Give them a chance see what prevails :sparkling_heart:

Not your business. Unless the baby is harmed let it go

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You have every right to feel uncomfortable with your child being around someone you don’t know. I don’t blame you. Take it to court and bring up what he’s doing that you don’t like. My brothers ex was abusive and mean to my niece, she was only 3 and not talking yet. She never told anyone, but I caught her being mean asf to that little girl, and busting her ass, which pissed me off. You don’t know this woman and if she will treat your daughter right. Try talking to your ex about your concerns and if he don’t want to compromise, bring the lawyers and court into it.

i’d be asking to meet at a park to meet the girlfriend and just see how your child is around her and how she interacts with your daughter. i’d be asking for the address in case of emergency and the living conditions etc. you could organise a mediation to work out everything especially if you have concerns that he’s cut time to suit him or his time with his girlfriend

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I’m sure Dad was going to stay there too? If you trusted him enough to give him 50/50 custody without hesitation why do you not trust his judgement now? Sounds more like an issue with him having a new gf and her being in your child’s life than an actual issue of your child’s well being, IMO.

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I met of all 3 of my husband’s kids after few weeks of dating. His ex’s sister/bro in law had introduced us and came fir the initial introduction but left afterwards. His youngest was 16 months old. His middle was almost 3 and his oldest was almost 10. They definitely didn’t start staying at my house overnight that soon though.
Trust your instincts. Nothing wrong with asking to meet her. Listen/Watch for any cues from your daughter that seems off after staying with dad’s gf.

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