When I was pregnant he cheated on me and we broke up, we got back together but we’re broken up again.
He wants our son this weekend and usually I would say yes but he’s dating the same girl he cheated on me with and wants me to be okay with our son going around her.
He says she’s a mother now and she’s different but I don’t want our son around her, my son is almost two so this happened not even two years ago.
I haven’t had a problem with any other girl he’s been with being around our son as long as I met them and made sure they’d be good around our son.
Am I being unreasonable? Should I let her be around our son? Do I sound bitter?
I want him to see our son, I want him to spend time with our son but I just don’t want her around our son.
Is this wrong?
When I was pregnant he cheated on me and we broke up, we got back together but we’re broken up again.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Don't want my son around my ex's girlfriend
Yes. You sound very bitter and are 100% in the wrong. The kid has nothing to do with your problems. Leave him out of it.
I understand you’re hurt because it’s the girl he cheated on you with but you just have to deal with it. At least your son’s father wants something to do with him… That’s what’s important not who he’s with.
Don’t make the child suffer because of your bitterness. Move on. As long as the child is not in any danger.
Im not gonna say you’re wrong for how you feel… but you have to put your feelings aside and do what’s best for your son. Dad is trying to be there so you should be able to trust that he will make sure she treats your son right in spite of the past.
If she is a danger to your son you can go to court and ask that your child not be around this person. Say If she has a history of child abuse or drug use. But other than that you won’t have a say even if a court order is placed and custody agreement put in place. I recommend going to court because if your ex decided he wants to keep your son you have no legal right to get him back.
Ur completely wrong…you do not get to control who he dates and brings around his child. Unless you have an actual reason fror safety. All ur doing is pushing him away from his child. No one wants to deal with that.
U need counseling if its bothering you.
It’s fair to have these feelings but unfortunately even if you did have a custody arrangement, you have no say in who he has around the kid on his time.
Umm he hurt you by breaking your heart he didn’t hurt your child.
Your son deserves to still see his dad even if he has the girlfriend around him.
You are in the wrong. You sound very bitter. If I was him, I’d have you in court for custody arrangements
You don’t really have a say in it, just as he has no say in who you see.
I understand being hurt but I don’t understand the “should I LET him have our son”. Why is it just up to you? He’s the father and should have just as much right to his child. I get there are circumstances where this wouldn’t be true but because he has a gf you are not happy with (again I get it) but you’re gonna have a bf one day that he may not like. Does he get to say you cant have your son? I know it’s hard but what is best for your child? Well he be in danger or are you just bitter with her? Your son deserves his dad and dad time if he’s not in danger… then he should get to see him.
My ex is with the person he cheated with . I got legal advice on this exact thing and was made very aware it is not a reason to not allow access . Unless there is risk of abuse its not my business what he does or who is there on his time. That was all confirmed when we got formal court orders. Im very lucky I didn’t withhold access as I would have found myself in big trouble if he took me to court.
I feel like people are being a little harsh bc obv this girlfriend of his has no ethics if she was knowingly a homewrecker and now OP is supposed to be okay with that? I dont think not being okay with that makes her “bitter”
i dont see nothing wrong with it. but i wouldnt let my kids see their dad with other women cause if they break up & the lady actually cared for the kids they will wonder where that person went. “whered ‘so-&-so’ go?” theyre gunna wonder when their gunna come back ect. if yiur kids dads relationship is temporary with that girl dont do it. think of the long term effects. yk? on the other hand i can be petty if she does drugs & doesnt have her life together ect ect using your kids dad for sex/a place to sleep BE PETTY BE SELFISH. your kids should come first their safety, their dad should respect your kids thats their time together! nobody else should be included
Yes it definitely is. I know what you’re going through, my (ex)fiancé got caught cheating 4 days after our anniversary. He stayed with that same woman for about 5 months, they both disrespected and trash talked me to tears almost weekly, and I wouldn’t let our daughter go there at first. But then I really thought about it and realized the only person I was really hurting was our kid. He was out there living his best life with the woman he cheated on me with and I was still bitter about it, once I realized that, and realized that me being “worried about her safety” was just an excuse I was using to keep her from him, I let her start going whenever he asked. Even if she was there. They broke up, we still coparent pretty well.
The only reason your child shouldn’t be around this woman is if she’s unstable doesn’t treat him right etc etc there is no other reason if you are just being jealous or petty you are in the wrong
Wow that’s very awful of you! Who he chooses to sleep with is none if your corcern as long as the child is safe.
Sometimes we as parents have to set our adult issues aside so our children get the best from both parents. Although it’s hard at times. Always remember our babies need both parents; and if the opposite parent wants that bond… don’t deny that because of a “new partner”. As long as the child is safe around said “partner”.
How many girlfriends has he brought around your son? I wouldn’t be comfortable with him bringing a girlfriend around him until they are in a relationship for a period of time.
Don’t let the child suffer because of your feelings. It’s not bout you. The child deserves to spend time with their Father even with the girlfriend present. You have no say in who he dates
That still his son. He’s not just yours. You both made him together. He has just as much say as you do about who he is around
“I let him see him”?!?!
Who tf do you think you are???
That. Is. His. Child!!!
He has as much right to see him as you do!!
You need to grow up and learn how to coparent really quick!!
Your poor son is going to suffer if you don’t.
You’re human and feeling like this is normal. I know it sucks, but you don’t want to take the time away from his dad. It’s super important for them to have a relationship. As long as he is being taken care of that’s all that matters. Putting your feelings aside is one of the hardest things but it’s what’s best for your child. I wish you well though. Being a parent is hard. You’re not in this a lone.
You’re gonna have to deal with it, it was 2 years ago don’t be the bitter baby mama, let him go with his dad.
You do sound bitter. Understandably, of course! but remember…she’s not the one who wrecked your relationship. Your ex chose to cheat. It should have no bearing on his visitation with his child. She’s in your kids’ life now and unless she’s toxic, I wouldn’t fuss about it. It’s a shitty situation,mama. I know.
I understand your feelings, but if he took you to court you would have no say in who is with him when his child is with him, unless that person were a danger to the child and you would have to be able to prove that.
It’s understandable why you feel this way… He cheated on you while you were pregnant with her… Of course you’re going to have strong feelings about this woman. And you’re not wrong for feeling the way you do. I went through something very similar… But in the end I realized my son is what really matters… He’s 2, 3 in March. He doesn’t understand me and his dads situation or our past problems. He has nothing to do with them. I would just let your son go see his dad this time, and next time maybe arrange to sit down with your sons dad and his new girlfriend and get everything out that needs to be said and try to find a way to move forward… That seems like the most civil and responsible thing to do… Especially considering his dad is going to want her around and that’s your son’s father, he’s going to be around regardless… Feelings are hurt and theres things needed said by both parties I’m sure… But you might as well just try to make the best out of the situation.
How long has he been with said person? How many times are you going to allow him to be with different random people? I guess we don’t know all the details…
I would let the dad come to your place and see the child, for stability, he doesn’t need to be with every girlfriend just because his daddy is having issues!!
Meet her first know who you son is around for sure. Of course your bitter who wouldn’t be but for your baby youll get over it. Its easier the more you know her and if shes actually a bad person yes cut ties.
Your child who cares what anyone else thinks. You do you baby it’s not anyone else’s business
Don’t allow him to take your son without a court order. I’ve said this many times here. First of all he needs to show responsibility. Applying for legal rights is a start. It shows commitment. 2nd without a court order he can take your child anywhere & not return him. You don’t have documentation that he’s supposed to return him. Third doing visitation out of court leaves too much room for manipulation on both sides. There’s no enforcement.
If & when he files for visitation you can try to get a restriction that his gf can’t be around your child. Make something up. My ex’s ex did & it worked . Seriously though she bring the person he cheated on you with isn’t enough. You need to show she’s a danger to your child. Do some digging. You might find something. A DUI, a battery charge something. Otherwise you probably can’t prevent it. Right now you don’t have to let him around your kid at all though.
Tell him you want to wait at least a year and you’ll do the same
Sorry about the situation your in .I’m not gonna call you bitter because i can’t imagine all the hurt he put you through cheating and then bringing the woman around your child and your entitled to your feelings. Just remember do what’s best for your son. I didn’t se you post anything negative towards the father and son relationship they have , try to keep it that way at the end of the day he only has you to no matter what the situation is
Yes you’re being unreasonable. You aren’t together anymore… he isn’t your son, he’s both of yours. Legally, a court will tell you it is none of your business who is around that child during dad’s time. Be the bigger person, you’re going to have to coparent for a long time and it’s going to take some maturity.
Unfortunately, if he took you to court for contact, you’d be told to get over yourself unless she’s a danger to your son
Ummm girl that’s his son too .
I’m 41yrs old and I despise my mother for keeping me away from my father I doubt I will ever get over it. Don’t be my mother
You have every right to feel hurt and react this way but this woman didn’t hurt your son. You can’t control who the dad sees. Let him have your son for the weekend, you are far more decent than that woman. Sorry you are going through this. Big hugs .
Your allowed to feel how you feel your not wrong there but to keep him from his dad due to who he’s with isn’t fair to your son, at the end of the day the one your hurting is your son. Custody agreement maybe have a conversation with father about not having anyone around this goes for you as well for 6-12 months until in a serious relationship with someone cuz men and woman walking in and out of a child’s life can and will be heartbreaking to the child.
I’d go to a lawyer and get an agreement written up, for his sake and yours, if you can prove she is a danger to your child, and have proof, the courts may be the way to go, if you are not wanting them to go due to your own jealousy or hurt feelings, I’m afraid you will need to get over that, as that is not your child’s issue, it’s yours, only thing that matters here is the child, is he safe, is he taken care of, yes, let him go, no, take the next steps.
Yeah you sound hella bitter your entitled to your feelings but the decision needs to be whats best for yoir son. Thats his dad you need to trust that he isnt going to do anything that would harm him. So if safety isnt your concern ans this is purely emotional suck it up because we as mothers have to make the right choice. The ones that are best for the kids.
You’re being bitter I think
You sound very bitter and weak. As you have said there is no violence or abuse, but coming from you. Grow up be a real woman and be there for the child not your ego.
He actually don’t even need ur permission to be honest since it’s his son too
You are being petty. I get your feelings, but UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD you allow your past pain and feelings with your ex , effect his relationship with his son…
They are your feelings, and pain. Shouldn’t use those to punish your child
That’s selfish and ignorant.
If he took you to court, you’d be laughed at for using that as a reason.
I’m sorry you feel this way, I’m sure this brings up old wounds. I’m also so sorry for the judgmental comments for you simply seeking advice. Unfortunately there’s nothing you can do about your son around her.
On another note, I personally would only have my child around someone I’m dating if I knew they may be taking on a step parent role, but that’s me, it’s more on how it can affect a child mentally to see a new parent figure that may or may not stick around, it ends up being a lot of heartache for the child if he or she gets too attached. That’s text book child and adolescent child psychology. So for the sake of your son I agree, but it wouldn’t be just the one girl it would be anyone unless your ex was getting serious. That would also be my practice as well. No legal recourse for that though, just my opinion based my educational background.
You have every right to be hurt!! But it is a little unreasonable to let every other girl he’s been with around but not her just because of their past…. That’s not fair to him or your son
I would be the same as you any other woman I wouldn’t care but the fact that the lady is the one he cheated in you with I’d have an issue to
This is between you and your ex not your son … There’s absolutely no reason for you to stop him from being at his dads place just because you don’t like the girlfriend… Suck it up and be the bigger person…
In my opinion, your feelings are valid but keeping a parent (mom or dad) away from their child is not right, especially if the child isn’t being harmed or neglected… I’d be glad if my kids dad wanted anything to do with them, he’s not attempted seeing them in a few years and whenever they call him he’s “too busy” Be happy he’s wanting to be involved… Best of luck to you and the little one!
You’re not wrong to feel how you’re feeling but if you were to withhold your son from his father because of how you feel, that’d be wrong. Kids suffer from this, your son did nothing wrong. Don’t do that to him.
Get a custody agreement and one of the stipulations be not to allow significant others around the child until they’ve been together for 6 months. My friend did that but they were going through a divorce. Other than that you can’t enforce anything.
It’s time to get a parenting plan in place,
Even if there was a court agreement you have no choice unless she was a danger to your kid then the court can say “your kid or the person” as in a registered sex offender a repeated domestic violence offender
Trust me I completely understand how you feel and I would feel the exact same way in your situation however like many others have said, you’re only hurting your son if you won’t let him see his dad regardless of who’s with him.
you’re being bitter I’m sorry mama I understand the hurt I do but you have to be the bigger one here
Your kid didn’t do anything
In my opinion, If he doesn’t care her at least 50% in every aspect of her life. Then you have every right to want to have a say. If you can’t agree then you should definitely get a legal parenting agreement. You can add in to it that once it’s serious, you want to meet her. Also that you want them to be together for so long, before she is around your son.
Some of these comments. If you were in her situation I am sure you would be having the same exact feelings. You are not wrong for feeling that way that is completely normal. Unfortunately he is your child’s father and regardless of the situation your child deserves to have their father in their life.
I’m sorry that this sucks for you. But he gets to have his parenting time too and you don’t (within reason) have a say in how he parents in his time nor who he brings around. I will suggest you guys make a legal plan to protect each of you in the future and to help give the child stability in their schedule.
Definitely sound bitter. Don’t let your son miss out on his dad because you’re in your feelings. People can be shitty partners but great parents!
Take out the fact that he cheated on you with her. Would you be ok with her being around your son? If you answer yes, then the problem is your ego and pride.
Girl gtfoi and give that kid to his dad. Lol it’s just the weekend and yes u sound like u still want to be with him. It’s two days hun. I sent my son to live with his dad at 6yrs old. Where he lives wit his broad lol and her two brats. I was like oh hell nah u not gonna play step daddy taking her kids to and from school etc doin all the shit for her kids while I work full time deal with his school stuff special needs classes iep meetings always at the school cuz he is acting out cuz of his adhd and behavior issues, I was like oh no no no huny come get yo son! U can be full time daddy and ur sponsor gonna have to deal wit it. Idc. Lol I need a break! I been a mom for 26 yrs and I’m over it. Here he is have fun! Lmao girl let him take that kid and u go live. Lol trust me u will be happier once u learn to get over that shit.
I get your feelings I would feel the same but can’t Really not let him see his son because the girl he is now with is the one he cheated on you with but another note how many girls has he had around your son over the past 2 years as you said you never had an issue with that? I would be more concerned on how many strangers have been around ya kid just saying
Omg I thought this was my daughters dad ex writing this, this is exactly our story except I’m the girl he cheated with I guess. Let me tell you this if I knew he was having a baby with someone else I would of never got involved. I didn’t know he had a baby on the way until after I got pregnant. My baby’s dad left me and went back to his sons mom and they broke up he wasn’t with her for 2 years and now we got back together. The sons mom doesn’t want me around her son for her reason I do not know. But my daughter has a brother she loves and always wants to see and it hurts both of kids not one. If she hasn’t done anything to you I’d give her a chance don’t be bitter. Do it for the baby’s not your own feelings.
Maybe you and the girlfriend need to meet up first and have a mature conversation. I think that should be done anyway with moms and dads with bf/gf.
Your personal feelings are valid, but you have to put them aside in this situation for the child’s sake. As long as your son is safe & taken care of, that’s all that matters at the end of the day. All he cares about is having his mom & his dad in his life. If that’s a healthy option, it would be wrong to let adult issues come between that.
Yes it’s so wrong on so many levels.
Don’t let your problems affect the relationship with your son and his own father. Be an adult and grow up.
Ask your self what is best for your son. When you have a child you should always put them first. Let go of your anger, truly forgive him and her and accept your part in this. Then put it all behind you. I would want as many people who love, and care for my child to be in their life.
I would probably feel the same way but you can’t keep your son from his father and you have no rights to say who he can have his child around unless your son is in danger
If you wind up in court, the judge will tell you it’s not up to you to decide this and it will look very very bad on you. Best interests of the child only. And unfortunately, that means seeing his father whether the circumstances hurt your feelings or not. You would be told you don’t get to decide who the child is around on dad’s time.
I personally think you need to have this talk with the child’s father let him know how him cheating made you feel & that you don’t agree with her being a mom because you are the biological mother not to your son not her… However your son isn’t involved in the dispute it’s not right to not let him see his father just because there is something you are uncomfortable with … Maybe you need to plan an outing or something involving just you the father & son communication is what’s going to get you through this… I dislike saying this but if she is not causing any harm you don’t have much of a choice unless court says otherwise …
Stop being bitter. You have no say what he does during his parenting time even with a court order. If she’s not actually dangerous just stop.
Your feelings are valid but yes you can’t preach to the other parent yes what was done is wrong but he’s obviously a good parent or you wouldn’t let him see child when he wants. In this instance unfortunately need put your pain aside and think of child. Or go court get an agreement in place
Your allowed to have bad feelings and emotions considering what u went thru but as hard as it may be. Your son has nothing to do with that situation and if he’s a good dad he wouldn’t have a bad person around your son. You may not like her but he shouldn’t kno that. I’d be upset but too but you son shouldn’t suffer from it.
Regardless of who the girl is, romantic partners should not be introduced to the child(ren) unless there is at least 6 months of stable relationship. If he’s dating all kinds of girls, I’d put my foot down and say that any girlfriend (or boyfriend for that matter) should not be around your son unless they are seriously committed.
I do not think you are being unreasonable. At all.
I would probably feel the same but you should let your son go. The girl may not have known or he could’ve told her a bunch of lies (like you weren’t together anymore, etc) so she may not have been trying to be gross. I would also encourage having a custody arrangement officially set up.
Keep in mind A LOT can change in 2 years! I mean… I don’t know you… but look how much you have changed in the last 2 years. Your issues with the other woman aren’t about how she is with your child… it’s about shit that was caused by the man you had a baby with… I mean, you don’t hold him cheating with her against him… why hold it against her?
Sorry not sorry, but it is not healthy and stable to allow a revolving door of women, to be around your son, period. All of those other girls shouldn’t have been, either.
Any parents should not allow people they’re dating to meet their kids unless they’re serious relationships, and you’ve already dated for a while; like 6 months MINIMUM.
HIS parenting time is HIS, this should never include casual girlfriends… Why are y’all women missing these points?
I went through a situation like this. My ex cheated on me and she became pregnant. It was tough at first, but I had to put my pride and ego to the side for my children and their new siblings. She was wonderful with my kids. I also watched her and my exes because it wasn’t the kids’ faults. They don’t get to choose who their parents are no how we act. Do what’s best for your child.
To me it doesn’t sound like she is asking if it’s okay to keep her son away from his dad but away from the girlfriend. I think your feelings about this are valid and do as you think is best for your child. If he wants to see his child he should be able to do so alone. Depending on how long they have been together and if they live together which are big factors.
You do u girl and if u don’t like that bitch then don’t let ur son go.
He shouldn’t be meeting anyone his dad dates!! It’s confusion for the child.
Unfortunately you can’t pick and choose who your ex is with and I know it’s aggravating because he cheated on you with her but if she’s good to your son and isn’t mean to him or hurts him in any way then there isn’t really much you can do about it sweetheart you got to grow up and get over it
It goes both ways, what I mean by this is put yourself in his shoes if it were you that moved on with another man and he was keeping your son away from you just because he didn’t like your actions would that be okay? No! You cannot control what he does or who he exposes your son to while it’s his time. For your sanity and for your sons best interest let it go move on and unless she gives you a reason (she’s abusive in any way) give her a chance. It’s a hard thing to work past but trust me communication with her and your ex will give you reassurance that your baby is safe and being cared for when not in your custody. Don’t make things harder on yourself and your son by being a bitter A hole! My sons step Mom is amazing to them and I’m at peace when they’re with my ex that they’re being cared for by both of them!
No boyfriend of yours or girlfriend of his needs to be around the son until you all have built a long term relationship with these other people. You don’t want random men and women in and out of your kids lives. The mom and dad need to with their partners at least 6-8 months before involving the children into the relationship.
It sounds like you are being bitter. You may have every right to be, but you have to do what’s best for your son. Unless she has treated your child badly, it’s all personal on your end. She may be really great to your son. I get it though. I wouldn’t want my child around someone I was cheated on with.
You’re being petty and need to get over it.
You cannot control who your son is around unless they are a danger to him while he’s in dads care.
If he takes you to court and tells the judge you haven’t been allowing him to take y’all’s son due to his girlfriend, the judge isn’t going to like that at all and will side with dad.
Yes you sound bitter, selfish, and immature. Time to grow up and move on. Why would you want to hurt your son by being spiteful and petty by keeping his son from him? Your child has nothing to do with his cheating or y’all’s past. A judge will tell you the same thing if you do go to court. It’s not about you, it’s about y’all’s child.
It’s hard to let go…but maybe you can sit down with her and level things out and see if she really is Stable for your son to be around.
It is wrong cause the way U said it. If U would let others why not let her? Ur the bigger women! Do u want him back? if not let it go! My ex cheated and had a baby with the women. I didnt stop from contacting her and putting that aside. But for the kids sake im friends with a lot of his ex’s cause they took care of kids better then him. And loved them like their own which has created a lifelong friendship with them. 15 years later they have siblings that arent blood but love them like They are. Sometimes those kinds of people u need to meet in life.
Don’t listen to anyone coming at you with their negativity, like they wouldn’t initially feel the same way Understandably so, but yes you are being unreasonable for wanting to keep them apart unless the person he’s with now is toxic or abusive (towards your son) then there shouldn’t be any reason for you to keep him from his father. It’s extremely hard to let those type of feelings go even after the relationship has ended, that’s a part of coparenting though! When a relationship between two people end and they’re still connected by kid(s) it is no longer about you or him but the safety and well-being of your child(ren) over time it’ll get easier and you’ll find someone who will love and respect you the way you deserve! Don’t let what they did take away from who you are, if you weren’t a good mom you wouldn’t step outside of your own feelings and even ask, considering you recognize this and reached out for advice shows you put your baby above your own feelings and that speaks volumes
What u need to do is ask urself if ur really wanting this stressful fight on ur hands. Bc all this is going to do is put a huge wedge in between the co parent relationship and then hurt ur son. And then at the end of the day once it goes to court bc it would. The judge will go against ur wishes anyways and tell u to get over it and that u have absolutely no control over who the dad has around the child. As long as the child is safe and all of that. So if u really want that uncalled for stress on u then go for it. But at the end of the day u have no control over who the dad has around ur guys child.
You are not with him anymore you don’t get to control who he’s with!!
On the flip side, y’all shouldn’t be introducing everyone who you take to bed either if it’s not a permanent situation your kids don’t need to be involved
Unless there are safety concerns there shouldn’t be any reason he can’t see his son. It might hurt u that it’s the same girl he cheated on u with but that doesn’t mean she’s a danger.
You’re entitled to your feelings, but you’re NOT entitled to keeping him from his father. This is a very immature thing to do, regardless of the pain that he caused you, 2 years ago. Having a baby is an adult decision, with that comes adult responsibility… your responsibility as a parent is to do what’s best for your child. Withholding him from his father is wrong on every single level imaginable, especially for the reason that you have. You’re the type of “bitter baby mama” that everyone talks about and can’t stand. I’m sorry, but I absolutely HATE that some women can’t put aside their feelings and pride and do what’s best for their child. Please, grow up. For your sons sake, and your own.
His visitation with your son has nothing to do with your relationship with him. Let the man see his kid. You can’t control his house. You wouldn’t want him controlling yours.
I’m less worried about the fact this the girl he cheated on you with and more worried about why you letting so many women into your son’s life. no kid should have to go through that. Kids get attached very quick and feel the pain of someone leaving more then adults do.