At 23, she shouldn’t “expect” anything! Anything regardless should be appreciated no matter how much or little! She’s an adult. It should be more about your 9 year old especially if she’s still believing in Santa! And you’re right, your older daughter had her turn. People aren’t made of money and she needs to understand that as an adult whereas your 9 year old doesn’t.
4 Likes
I don’t see why you can’t get them both 4. Something they wear, something they need, something to read, something they want. Shrink the gift giving. No one says you have to spend 1000s of dollars on both kids. Maybe buy each one gift. Or have them open a few presents than when your oldest goes home give the rest to the 9 year old. The only other thing is telling your adult child that she can go get her own presents.
1 Like
I’m 22 and all the adults get presents for the kids and then we get 1 gift each, (my parents have 4 daughters) and then we do dirty Santa with a gift each
1 Like
We set a limit and spend the same amount on each child… (19,18,10,4). (We have 4). My parents do the same they set a limit and buy for all of us… (2 kids our spouses) & 8 grandchildren. I at 42 have always gotten presents from my parents and Santa every year at there house for Christmas. I will do the same for my family, my grandparents where the same as well. Just cause a child is older or younger dosent make a difference it’s about family, Love and being great full for what you do have
2 Likes
I would get like a couple of presents a piece. So that way they don’t think one get more like the other but your older daughter should understand that you can’t afford all that. If she doesn’t then she severely immature or greedy and jealous
I’d set a limit for both and go based off that. One may get one thing that takes up the whole limit, other may get 4 things that total to the limit. My parents do this. Children get less than the grand kids. But with 5 kids that all have a spouse and 10 grandkids, they had to find a system. Couple gets $150 (or $75 each) and each grandkid gets 100.
Bro I never got any presents lol she’s the grinch at 23 she should be out buying you presents 
8 Likes
There are 10 kids in my family, 21 grandkids and 2 great grandkids. My parents get all the married kids the same thing every year. And gets the single kids something else. The married get a can of hot coca with a costco cash card inside the lid. Christmas really isn’t about the gifts honestly. Get less for each of your kids maybe? I have 2 kids and I get them the same amount of gifts and try to spend close to the same amount on both. I usually only get them 4 or 5 gifts. It should be the thought that counts. Your oldest is 23 and shouldn’t be expecting a lot…
2 Likes
You definitely do not need to get your 23 year old the same amount as your 9 year old. She’s an adult… if she wants the same amount she can buy them herself 
2 Likes
She is an adult and should understand and no better than to expect the same amount of gifts as a young kid would get. Especially when toys are cheaper than what she is probably asking for . Any mature adult of 25 should no better . I still get my teen nephews an amazon card or cash for Christmas they do not expect 10 things to open even at that age they understand. It really just sounds like the oldest adult child needs some growing up to do and to mature .
Let her know how u feel, id ficus on the younger one first
She’s 23. If she’s mad about not getting the same amount as a literal child she has a problem lol
4 Likes
I’m 22 years old, I don’t care about gifts. All I care about is time spent with my family. Mind you I am a mother myself and have been since 16 and know how expensive Christmas is. However, Christmas and birthdays for me ended when I was 18, I still do get a few gifts like hair dye, phone cases, clothing, and honestly I’m SO happy with that, I’m thankful for what my family gives me. Maybe you should have a talk with her… she is an adult at this point…
5 Likes
Remind her now that she is an adult and will receive an adult amount of presents. I only received 1-2 things from my parents once I was grown.
1 Like
At 23 she should not expect anything from you especially with a 9 year old sister. I’d remind her that Christmas is not about how many gifts/what gifts you receive. She should want to make sure you and her sister had gifts, not worry about if she’s getting as many as her sister.
2 Likes
My family stop giving gifts to the children when they turned 18. My mom always gave my brother more than me when I was over 18 and he was under. That’s just for all the years that I was the only kid in the household. I didn’t expect as much when I was 18 or older because I’m in adult if it’s for the kids to enjoy
1 Like
I have young kids & older kids a basket with shampoo razors deaodrant body spray perfume biscuits undies socks n whatever else can fit kids are grateful. I buy thru the year the perishables around now so I don’t miss the dollars
I’m a Parent of 30 years. At 23 our daughter received 2 gifts from us, her little brother is 11, He still lives at home, HE is a child, if My older children 30,28,23 said ONE WORD to me about what they didn’t get, they wouldn’t get anything at ALL! THEY ARE ADULTS!
4 Likes
My mum has a set budget for each child, and spends accordingly. Me being the eldest gets less, but more expensive (like she puts x amount towards something I’m paying off or gets me pandora) while my younger siblings get smaller, less valuable items that equals to the same amount all together. If that makes sense.
Your 23 year old is abit self entitled… she should be buying you gifts and being thankful/grateful for what’s been given…
2 Likes
No one seems to know what Christmas is about anymore. It’s not about how much money you spend or how many presents you get, it’s about spending time together, giving, Sharing, loving, caring. It’s the thought that counts not the amount or the price. And that’s for all children young or older. If you spend £10 or £100, you tried, you thought of them you didn’t have to, teach them to be grateful for what they get instead of ungrateful for what they don’t. At 23 your oldest daughter should already know this. At 9 your youngest should be learning this and pretty much know this too.
2 Likes
So do the same amount but spend less. My parents realized half the fun was guessing what it was and opening the presents, so I would get pantyhose and a toothbrush and dish towels and other practical stuff. Or gift her with coupons for time—dinner with y’all, a coffee date together, etc.
Assuming she isn’t married with a family of her own, maybe have a chat with her about this and any other aspects of entitlement if she feels that way.
1 Like
She’s an adult. She will be fine.
1 Like
Buy her a selection box she’s will be sorted! But seriously a 23 year old should be happy with what you get her it’s not about how much you spend or how many it’s about the thought and don’t let it make you feel guilty! You probably made the 23 year old Xmas just as good when she was a little girl xx
She needs to grow up!!! She should help mom with Xmas instead of counting how many she gets.
4 Likes
I would talk to your daughter about the situation and how you feel. You sound like a caring person and hopefully she will understand. Be blessed
I spend the same on both of my daughters, 25 and 16 . 
1 Like
Your youngest shouldn’t have to get less because your adult child wants gifts too. Everything is more expensive now a days and I’m sure when she was 9 she got alot. I have 2 girls one 13 and the other 19. Before I became disabled I provided very good Christmas presents but now I’m lucky to be able to provide one good present for my youngest. My adult girl buys her sister presents as well just to help out because things are not what they used to be.dont feel bad you already provided for your oldest it’s time for your youngest to get the same
1 Like
Ugh no… she’s an adult and sounds self entitled if she expects to be equal to a CHILD. We don’t have a lot of money around the holidays either. We always make sure the little ones are taken care of and MAYBE on a good year, spend $20 each on each other.
As for the adult ones they already had their turn. We do get them something however, once you’re grown and especially out of the house gifts turn into things like laundry soap and toilet paper from Sams or Costco. 
3 Likes
She’s 23, any present she gets from any other adult at that point is not obligated to her. She should get over it
3 Likes
She should be grateful for whatever she gets
1 Like
Get them the same! Just 1 present 
I have a similar age gap. My oldest has understood from the time his sister was born the things he needs/wants are more expensive so he gets less. I feel your daughter is immature by not understanding this. Get her 1 decent gift. Spoil your younger child as you did her at that age. If she throws a fit take it back & be done with Christmas for her. That’s what I would do. My children do not tell me how much to spend on them or how many gifts to give them period.
1 Like
So buy them each 3 or 4 gifts. Not 10 for the 9 yr old and 3 for the 23 yr old… If you cant afford to go all out. Dont.
3 Likes
Its the entitlement for me 
she’s an adult, and she needs to realize it’s not about the amount of presents, it’s about spending time with family and loved ones. I tell my mom every year I don’t need anything, for me or my husband, but she always gets us something, and even if it’s just a bit of candy I’m so grateful. I do my best to spoil her every Christmas because we grew up in poverty and she always made Christmas magical, so she deserves it. So many entitled adults these days 
3 Likes
Sooo…. Don’t buy your youngest a lot and spilt your finances as equally as possible between the two???
Or! Gifts are not what Christmas is about. Spend the money in making memories
3 Likes
Your oldest is 23 she is an adult and shouldn’t expect anything wow
2 Likes
My kids are adults and I’ll always spoil and get them gifts ! Full stockings as well !
I love seeing there faces on Christmas!
And yes they have full Careers! Idc
5 Likes
Does she live with you? If so as an adult that should be enough. You don’t need get her as much as the 9yr old. But I would but back on how much you buy the younger one as well for your financial peace of mind
You can give th both a great Xmas. I would give 9 yr old one bigger gift and a couple smaller ones. Maybe older one a gift card so she can buy what she likes with it instead of you picking maybe that help it
1 Like
That’s not right of your adult daughter to expect the same as a 9 year old. I wouldn’t even expect my mom to do that. Even now, she is so generous with family and friends that I have to make sure she’s not being taken advantage of. I would rather spoil her now that I’m an adult to show I appreciate all she’s done for me in my life.
7 Likes
I’m 24 and my mom just gives me and my 20 year sister money for Christmas cause has a 16 little to get presents for which I don’t mind getting money its the thought that counts… you need to her that she is grown and its the thought that counts with you getting her something for Christmas
1 Like
Get her adulting things, or things she needs. That’s what my mom does. Vacuum (I think mine was like $52), sponges, soaps, candles, pots, pans, just whatever. You don’t have to get her an equivalent to what her sister gets.
1 Like
I see it like this. Your daughter is now an adult. If you are going through hard times right now & can’t afford to buy her presents then don’t. She’s not a little girl anymore & should understand. If she doesn’t understand then O well. She will get over it. Don’t feel bad, Do what you gotta do mama.
2 Likes
Things adults need and like are way more expensive than toys. So instead of matching number of items you could spend the same set amount for each of your children. Then you could explain to her, as I’m sure she’d understand, that it’s the same money spent, even though your youngest has more. Even my 14yr old daughter, who’s on the spectrum, understands miss 2.5 gets more because her stuff is usually cheaper than the stuff she’s into.
2 Likes
Your oldest is 23 buy 1 thing or a few small things no need to go spend crazy on your 9 year old… it’s about a nice mea and spending time with family 
Talk to your oldest about it
Won’t be forever just needs to know she’s getting older
So she stops being your daughter when she is an adult. Wow your a terrible mother.
9 Likes
Spend the same on both!
1 Like
Things for the older one cost more is the older one working but I think the young one should come first
I have 5 grown children and one that is 5 and the older ones get a little something from me but they know the little ones comes first. Your adult child needs to understand this better.
3 Likes
She’s an adult and should understand have a conversation.
3 Likes
Your oldest should realize Christmas is for kids and not to expect much. Besides Xmas is about being together.
My daughter is 8, my son is 20. We try to spend roughly the same amount on each kid but at the end of the day my son is an adult and understands the difference between Christmas for a child and a adult. With that being said, BOTH my kids would be happy to receive only what we could afford as they both know Christmas is not about gifts but about family, quality time, and Christ!
2 Likes
Just tell her she’s not a child anymore. Christmas is different for her than her sister. Her sister is a child living a child’s dream. Just get her the one thing she really wants if you can. And she can pitch a fit. It’s not like you don’t love her. But she got the same when she was a child. She should be happy for her sister and less greedy
3 Likes
I would try to give them about the same value gift, that is what is fair to me.
2 Likes
Ahhh she’s 23. Tell her to grow up she doesn’t believe so she’s lucky to receive at all lmao
2 Likes
My sister and 2 brothers and myself are all adults. My mom buys the same amount for all 4 of us as well as all 4 grandchildren.
My feeling is that the holidays are not all about gifts anyways. I don’t spend a lot on my kids but I do keep it fairly equal.
If you have a 23 year old and they expect the same as the 9 year old, then they need to grow up. My mom does still get us presents but I would never expect her to and definitely not the same number as if I had a young sibling who was still a minor.
2 Likes
It’s time to tell her that Santa only comes to kids
5 Likes
Buy her one thing and not something expensive. With youngest but simple dont stress about it. Christmas is not about the gifts.
1 Like
definitely talk to your oldest. get them a meaningful gift that they’ve been wanting for themselves, gifts for the 9yo, then do stuff together all 3 of you. ginger bread houses, decorate your own cocoa bombs and then use them, wrap other people’s gifts, decorate the tree and house, make your doors wreath together, buy a box of chocolates and all 3 share a chocolate every day until Christmas and then bake a cake on Christmas eve to share on Christmas morning.
They are both your children. They should get the same unless the oldest has her own children. All of these people saying the 9 year old is more important… that’s messed up. Glad my parents didn’t think like that. That could cause alot of resentment and family issues at some point.
3 Likes
Have her share in the Christmas shopping ?
Sounds like your adult daughter still has a lot of growing up to do.
4 Likes
Honestly I’m the baby in my family. My mom had this same issue. Then my nieces and nephew came about and she still tried but it was so stressful and taxing on her, I couldn’t take it and I told her “hey mom, it’s ok. I don’t need all these things, I just need to know you’re okay. Let’s do something together instead” she still filled my stocking every year but we cooked dinner together and she settled on spa gift cards for us to go together. Almost Every year till she died we did it. Best present I ever got because I got to have her time.
6 Likes
Absolutely not. I/we have a 13yr old and my others are 31,28 and 25. The older ones if alone used to get $100, if they had a partner they got $50 each. Now the older ones decided that they get nothing. I/we also spend $50 each on my 7 grand babes
Announce to both that you’re getting 1 want 1 need a book to read , start baking and giving elders cookies, just giving and doing for others makes the world go around, you’re creating memories, don’t forget!!
If she lives on her own, make her up a basket of necessities, toilet paper, laundry soaps a few gift cards ect… if she still lives at home, pj’s, socks, slippers include a game family game… favourite snacks…
2 Likes
Sounds like the 23 year old needs to live on her own get a job and spoil herself
Only get her one gift
Spoil the 9 yr old
2 Likes
Adult child doesn’t need anything, you are correct she has had her turn, and spend only what you can afford on 9yr old, it’s not meant to be all about the gifts after all
4 Likes
I have 7 kids…20,18,16,13,13,9 & 8…plus an almost 2yr old grandson…they all get just as spoilt as each other (maybe the grandson a little bit more 
)
Your 23 yr old is still as important as your 9 yr old.
Maybe cut back a little for the younger one if it is affecting how much you can afford for your eldest?
4 Likes
Maybe try looking at it this way: when your youngest child is eventually grown and out of the house, are you going to stop buying her presents because she already had her time or are you still going to because she’s still your child? If so, I think you should still get your older child some gifts as well. Because I couldn’t imagine not having both of my children opening up gifts on Christmas. And being an oldest child as well, I never expect anything from my parents but I am thankful for whatever they get me if anything and I’m sure your oldest will probably feel the same way and be thankful with whatever.
4 Likes
Your 23 year old should be grown enough to understand she is an adult and as adults we shouldn’t keep expecting the same things every year for birthday, Christmas etc. Especially if she knows you don’t have much extra money. You’re right she has had her turn, she was an only child at age 9?
Plus the older you get, the more expensive the stuff you want becomes. I would definitely still get her a few things, but it’s now the babies turn to experience what her sister did too. 
5 Likes
I certainly don’t give my adult child as much as my minor child…that’s crazy, especially if money is any kind of an issue.
If I were having money trouble they wouldn’t want me to spend a bunch of money.
There’s nothing wrong with being practical.
2 Likes
Times are tough for slot of people right now- your 23 y.o needs to understand this. So much for the spirit of Christmas in some of our youth.
2 Likes
Wow… your daughter needs to grow up surely she’d be happy with something she needs! Even if it was a gift card with money on for clothes? Or makeup?
3 Likes
I would focus on the youngest, the eldest has had her Christmas’ and it’s really for children. I would buy her something but literally what you can afford.
1 Like
In my family, adults get less than kids because they can work and get what they want. Christmas should never be stressful.
2 Likes
There’s a lot of difference in age between your 23 and 9 year old. Your 23 year old has had far more Christmases alone with you than your 9 year old. Far more chances and opportunity to be spoiled. I think your 23 year old sounds jealous which means you most likely did some spoiling. I think you ought to tell her that she will get what she gets as she has already had her childhood. Explain that your 9 year old will be getting spoiled this year, as she is a CHILD not a 23 year old woman perfectly capable of getting a job and working for whatever it is that she wants/needs. It doesn’t mean you don’t love her the same and if she thinks it does you have bigger problems than what to get her for Christmas.
2 Likes
I think you should cut back on both and only buy what you can afford for both! Set a budget and stick with it!
3 Likes
Have a talk with her and explain your money situation. She hopefully will act mature about it. Both daughters though should get gifts though. Even if 23 year old gets fewer this year than her younger sibling. There are Chirstmas places that help with gifts. Call the social worker at the youngest kids school. They likely have a list. When money is that tight it is ok to accept some help. Look for places like the Salvation Army and churches with pantries often have Christmas gift giveaways. There are ways mama to make a magical Christmas for all. Good luck to you!
1 Like
We set up a certain amount that we’re going to spend on everyone we buy gifts for. We don’t too much worry how many gifts they’re getting.
You’re exactly right, she had 14 Christmas’s by herself. Now she is a grown woman, and if she complains it’s because you are treating her like a spoiled child. Do not feel bad.
6 Likes
give gifts as a experience memory. do a special trip do a spa day a mom and daughter day! I’m tired of all the stuff kids think they need when that’s not what it’s about how many gifts I get
The 23 year old had christmas by herself…she is an adult and needs to act like it and not be worried about how many presents she gets…gifts are just that gifts…NOT a requirement…besides…christmas isnt about material gifts anyways
3 Likes
She,is an adult and should understand your circumstances.
Shes 23 and needs to grow up. My oldest will say things like I’d rather the babies get their things then me. They have a 15 yr age difference btwn them. It’s not fair to the 9 ur old to take from her and give to ur adult child. The spirit of Christmas does not come in a box. U need to explain ur money situation to her. If she still is not happy then say ok u won’t get anything at all. Don’t feel guilty for an adult child who would take from her little sister just to get what she wants. Have u tried to get on the salvation army s angel tree? It’s only for kids 12 and under so the 23 yr old won’t be eligible. They get a new bike plus other toys and clothes. Alot of churches also help out this time of year. The registration deadlines come early so get in there and start calling around or Google it.
1 Like
As an adult I would even expect a gift from my mother. In our family, adults participate in a secret Santa gift exchange so we all at least get one gift. We make Christmas about spending time together as a family and about the kids. She is tripping
2 Likes
I dont understand how one kid should get more than another due to age. That’s just silly. I disagree with alot of the logic here. If you don’t have alot of money, you cut down for both. It’s isn’t about how much you get anyway. I spend the same on each kid. It might might be more or less each year but it’s equal amount.
2 Likes
Put a stop to it now. Let her know that shes older and that she wonr be getting alot. It is what it is, I always stress over holidays. Im not doing it anymore.
1 Like
She is 23 a whole adult now she gotta understand. However you shouldn’t be going excessively hard for the younger one and putting little effort into the other.
3 Likes
23??? She needs to grow the hell up.
1 Like
At 23 she should be working and buying her own stuff
2 Likes
Lmfao all y’all are coming at the 23 year old for what? It didn’t ONCE say she DEMANDED anything, just that’s what’s expected. If you and your sibling got the same amount every year, that’s considered the norm in that household and what you’d expect because that is what it has always been. But I don’t agree with gifting one child less than the other regardless of age
2 Likes
I have my own family with 3 kids and I get similar to my sisters who are still living with my parents. On top of that my kids gets from my parents too. I happy for my parents never thinking about us growing up and moving on, being burden for them. Always happy to see me
2 Likes
I’m 26 and my sisters are 13 & 16. I spoil them for Christmas. 
I have 7 kids, the older/left homes will get a hamper and a token gift and I will buy for their kids. The 2 youngest, still ar home will get more because the others did at that age, hope this helps, just do what you can xxx
1 Like
You know, hardship is the greatest gift to give your children for it teaches them empathy. I never got a Christmas present for most of my life, 40 now, mostly because we use the money to put food on the table and clothes on my back, and a roof over my head. When your kids learn not to take those major things for granted, you will see it matters more than material items
1 Like
My 13 yr old understands his gifts r more expensive n will get less gifts! I’m not sure why a 23yr old wouldn’t understand that? Maybe u should explain it to her beforehand 
1 Like