Maybe more of a male influence by the dad in your oldest ones life may help clear confusion and help with the body dysmorphia. Maybe it’s time to let him take the reins and parent for awhile. May be best so you can get a break too. Will help all of your relationships to start fresh again. The youngest may want to be with dad too I’d say let them and may see grass isn’t greener there a d want to come back. But be firm with them dont let them walk on you. YOU are their parent.
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You have a son and a daughter. This could definitely be the reason she prefers her dads house. You have to be her biggest supporter
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To preserve my sanity. I would let dad keep the monsters he is raising. Surely at some point their either is going to see you love them and meant well for them and will be back change or they will be full fledged monsters which he alone will have to deal with. So harden your heart and administer tough love or give them to him let he live with they uncontrollably behaviors
Make them go!! Call their bluff!
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Get you’re custody order and take them back to court. Explain what is going on and ask for only supervised visits for father. Judges do not like when one parent pulls shit like this. File contempt charges Everytime the kids are not back at your house and are there.
Let them go once they start misbehaving then dad can’t handle them anymore he’ll be sending them right back advising them to listen to mom.
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Is there custody agreement if not get one asap. Also call cops when boy runs away have cops go get him. Also i would sign the one who is transgender up for counseling so he has someone to speak to and trust
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i would tell them,if you dont like it here, leave go to your dads
Yep just call the cops and have them meet you at the dad’s house to pick up the boys 
if you keep letting them do that and threaten to go to Dad’s your problem with them will only get worse
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Most kids r transgender was before 15. But I agree send them to there dads.
Let them go. I know you dont want then to, but when they threaten just say, “ok. I love you and you’re welcome back anytime, but if you want to be with your dad then I’m ok with that.”
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Put your foot down and don’t give them a choice. Make them move to dad’s and tell them they are welcome back when they can follow th rules. You have to eliminate that as a threat. Once you call their bluff, they won’t be able to use that anymore.
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Switch with their Dads. Legally. Make sure that they are responsible for everthing that you’ve always taken care of. You get them the time that their Dads usually gets them. Let him deal with the monsters, he and his spiteful family, have created.
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My dad did tough love with me and sent me to my moms when I no longer listened. Do the same with your boys
Sounds like a lot of the commenters dont even have kids??? The kids should ABSOLUTELY NOT just go to their dads. Their grades are already slipping, this could lead them down the wrong path for life.
School is important. Their highschool transcript is important for future education and jobs. I’d bet anything the one who is failing will end up dropping out if they end up at dads.
Be the bad guy. Get the cops involved. Being a parent requires tough love. It’s not going to be fun but eventually they’ll know why you did this.
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Your child IS transgender
They didn’t “decide to be” that IS WHO THEY ARE
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Take him back to court also for violating order
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To me it sounds like dad is allowing them to do whatever they want when they want. Trying to make it look like you the mother arw the bad one by only having you disappline the kids. I’m not sure what options or services you can have that are available with kids that age. (Mine are younger) maybe call the county if you have a case worker and see if they can offer advice?
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Cops won’t do anything when they are a certain age. I know this first hand. They will not take a child from their father when they don’t want to go. It has to go thru the courts. My heart goes out to you. Just be loving and supportive. All you can do. I will keep you in my thoughts. Being a mom is so HARD! Especially when you have an unsupportive ex husband. I am si sorry. Keep your chin uo!
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Let you’re kids live there and stop misgendering your daughter. You dont deserve them.
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Sounds like you and your husband created monsters in the making because you two are monsters
The constant push and pull is tearing them apart
Not once did I here what’s better for the kids
It’s tit for tat
What happens when they turn 18?
I recommend all of you get into counseling before your sons are in jail or doing drugs. All because of you two
Their home lives sounds like they are miserable
It’s important you two come to common ground for the sake of your kids
Still time to turn this around
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I need to ask a question bc i dont know anything about the subject- why does it seem like the son saying hes transgender the biggest focus?
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My mother used to tell us if thats what we wanted then to do it and we could nake our own minds up. I moved to my fathers for prob six months before i ended up writing her a letter about how bad it was living with him and she came and got me. Maybe you just need to step back and they need to fins out for themselves how shit really is
Its hard adjusting to changes, and your daughter must be goin through a very hard time as a tran teen. Try to figure out what yout priorities are as a mom: good grades, emotional maturity, and communicate those clearly as possible. Dont make threats unless youre willing to go through with them. Try counseling for yourself as well, take cRe of yourself. Best of everything.
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I would say ok you go and live at your father’s and I will help you pack everything you own so you can take it all there. They won’t find it so much fun living at dads fulltime. Call their bluff they are playing games with you. Do you really think dad will have them fulltime 365 days a week. I don’t think so
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I just read “Me Me Me Me”
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Dad sounds like a nightmare 
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If your reaction to your child being transgender was not supportive from the start, your going to have issued until they trust enough that you actually support them and love them unconditionally. The bravery it took for her too tell you is major, and when trans kids are rejected by a parent , you have no Idea the impact this has on them. Have a look into some stats , it’s beyond sad. How can any parent react in any way other than supportive is beyond me. The first thing I told my son when he told me was " there are a million reasons I love you and not one of them had to do with your gender." I have a happy, confidant amazing son
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Their dad should be able to have equal time with them as you. Phone calls etc should be between them and their dad. I know you want the best for them. I would give responsibility to dad for a while. Hoping grades etc improve. I would embrace your childs gender revelations as well. That’s a huge part of your childs life and could be making it hard to respect you.
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If they’re using that against you to get their way, they are manipulating you. Let them go to their dad’s!
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Honestly, let them go. he will learn quickly the monsters he has created and he will start putting down rules and find out the trouble you are going through. it won’t last too long.
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Let em go, if that’s wat they want n before u know it they will b knocking on ur door again but u have to b cruel to b kind n if them going to their father is the cruel part then do it. They will soon c which side their bread is buttered on but until then its just sumthing that us single mother’s have to deal with as they have their own issues to deal with to n yes I know wat issues would teens that young have but obviously there r sum or they wouldn’t be doing n saying wat they do. At the end of the day as long as u know that u have done n tried everything possible n that they know they can come to u for anything regardless of every thing else is wen u will b able to sleep, eat n grow as a mum n they will come to u for that not their dad.
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I would start by setting up an record of everything that happens between dad and kids when their an altercation write it down when theirs a phone call write it down it sounds like your very busy with work (being a single parent ) but you may need to find a way to get more time with them or you will lose this fight you can’t buy a child’s love and you can’t teach them if they don’t respect you their being taught that they don’t have to either I would definitely put your foot down with dad you have court papers !! follow them exactly to how they are wrote up to the T weather your sons like it our not it’s not your job to be their friend your their parent ( mom and dad all in one someone time you have to be the bad guy they need that )!!and see if this makes good changes obviously at first it will be a hard transition hard ! But after it’s been a while if the children become more regular and routine the. You know what the problem is also pretty sure your sons bing unfenced at school or Social media with the trans thing it’s a fad ( new thing for kids ) for sure take all electronic for a while get a land line !! That would make a huge change if they want to act like adult start making them get a part time job shoveling snow to pay for phones or gas for sport ( Sport after school activity’s ) are amazing for this getting a child involved with positive reinforcement and social skills super great would also possibly give them a positive role model with you working so much and dad being not so possible !
If they take off and dad refuses to give them back, and you have a court order for parenting time, he is interfering with custody.
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You and dad need to be on same page
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And also explain to your kid that your allowed to be shocked and life isn’t peaches and roses but as long as your being supportive then that’s all that matters
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I totally get the "then let them live with their Dad " comments BUT do yourself a huge favor first and run that by a lawyer. Just an example say kids leave and move in and things really start going downhill with them in terms of school or home life and you want them to move back, he be able to fight that. Just a thought!
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The truth is they are actually old enough to pick in most states who they live with. Let them threaten to go to their dad’s. The truth is if you don’t punish them for bad behavior they are going to make the same threats. See if your area has a coparenting mediator to help dad understand the consequences of him letting them do what they want which is what it sounds like!
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Let them go. My kids used to always “threaten” me with that BS until I packed them a small duffle bag and dropped them off. Well, guess who was calling me to pick them up not even 2 hours later. They saw for themselves that it wasn’t better there.
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Talk to the kids about wanting better grades talk to dad about you wanting your kids to pass and tell him to put his foot down with them too
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Send them to live with him for a while, let them see the grass isn’t always greener. Yeah being a weekend parent is EASY, getting to do fun stuff, not worrying about school stuff. Just let him take the responsibility of being the full time parent for a minute, let him see how “easy” it is. 
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If the dad is a good parent let them live with him. First so I would go to a counsellor with all of them and confront him about the lies with everyone present. You need a break. Tell them As long as they are you missed behaving at school and keeping the grades up they can live with him. If you get a call from school but they are behaving they come back.
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Let. Them. Go!!!
You are the parent. Take away their devices and let them ‘run away’
You know where they’re going to be. When they don’t come home, you get a break 
They’re doing this because they know will get what they want and mum caves. STOP CAVING. You need to get a bigger attitude than them. They want to threaten you, ok, you tell them bye.
Let them as the grass isn’t always greener.
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no offense but if his reaction was better than yours then I don’t blame your son and I would just let him go to his dad’s. If his dad is going to be more supportive than you think that’s where they belong.
Literally good parental support is a life-or-death situation to them!
Good God I could never imagine reacting that way if my son came out to me at trans or gay.
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What is dad saying about them coming to live with him if he thinks it’s ok send them bet it won’t be long till they’re calling mom
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Maybe the problem is that you still see that you’ve 2 sons and not 1 son and 1 daughter. Offer to have a girls day and make her feel like you love her. Do all the mother daughter things you always wanted. Stop trying to make her who she used to be. Once you start accepting who your kids have become they may want to be around you. Seems like dad maybe more accepting than you have been and that’s why they have a preference.
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Ok so first things first you are the parent in your home. You dictate how you will be treated. Secondly parental alienation is not ok. I don’t know the laws where you live but in most states it’s becoming illegal and is considered a form of child abuse. My son’s father and his wife both got in trouble for bad mouthing me to my son and for having me saved in their phones a slut face and ho bag. The judge demanded to see their phones when he saw it. He made them change it immediately and told them he’d take their visitation rights away if the abusive behavior did not stop. Also if you have a parenting agreement that you both agreed to with a clear schedule then he is required by law to return the child to the primary parent. He cannot keep him. You do not have to allot more time outside of what you agreed to in your parenting plan. Depending on the rules in your state your kids may be able to choose who they’d prefer to live with. So I’d do my best to mend your relationship with them. Sometimes tough love is what it takes. Set the rules and stick to them. Start documenting everything.
If your son is transgender be as supportive as you can be but do some research on how you can help him through it. I’ll bet part of the behavior issue with him is due to confusion and not feeling accepted. My son had issue when he came out as gay. All you can do is love your babies fiercely.
Let those little ungrateful assess go to their dads … Qquit stressing your self out it’s already hard enough to just be a mom who is actually trying
You have two types of parents here a daily parent and the weekend fun parent. You also have the problem of a pre teen and a teen. Since they are in counseling I would have the counselor bring up if they want to live with their dad. It going to hurt you if they say yes, but I feel like you need some peace. It may feel like giving up, but sometimes you have to give up, so they can grow up. Call there bluff ground them take away their phones, and when they run to Dad’s house. Drop off a suitcase of their clothes.
Be the damn parent and stop letting them threaten you 
Stop misgendering your daughter for starters. Being supportive means embracing and using appropriate pronouns. You’re fostering a transphobic environment by not doing so which is probably a large reason for why your daughter is harbouring resentment towards you.
As others have said. Let them go. Stop caving. Become their safe place. They’ll come home.
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The more you try and keep them the more they will rebel against you. They’re old enough to kno you “taking away devices” is bull so let them go. You’re only going to hurt your relationship even more. 
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Meet up with dad while kids at school and make a plan of action on how to handle the children together , may be suggest eldest stays with dad for a week then back to you for a week vise versa just while eldest is having a problems at school etc , you guys obviously want the best for the children and an open honest relationship with the children , if you parents can operate together and show uniformity and support towards each other then the children may be less likely to use each parent as a bolt hole in threats during what the children perceive as awkward conversations , I’d be petrified the children carry on that behaviour into adult relationship with partners and “USE” the threat of I’m off for however long to try and get out of open communication and respecting who ever they live with , with actually being honest and caring enough to stay and talk issues through with each other , damn we all want to run away in hiding sometimes but it’s not a good pattern to get into and devastating for the person left behind with no knowledge of where when will they return , very damaging behaviour for any relationship. Good luck and stay strong 
x
Tbh I would stop contact… or at least down to one day a week!! And I would go and get my kids again. Hes guna pick them up while your at work? Take the week off!! By fuck would i let anyone turn my kids into brats and against me!! If the dad is manipulating them then take them away for a while!! Nobody should be using kids as game markers!!
Let them. They’ll figure it out.
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I think it’s time you go to the court and ask for family counseling yes even though you two are no longer together you still have to co parent and it seems to me the only ones parenting here are your kids your an adult and if I where you I would call your ex yourself and ask him about the plans they have. This is a big change for all of you and I don’t even know you and I know there is a lot of bottled up stuff in all 4 of you sending kids to councling on there own doesn’t fix the co parenting part you and Dad have to be on the same page even if your not together you still have to raise these kid together forget about what they say about you and focus on saving your kids before it’s to late and they walk out that door and don’t ever come back
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Let them go to dads , move on with your life . When things get rough at dad (and it will) . Say no for a while . Go get them and do fun stuff ( movie, water park, ballgame whatever they like)then take them back to dads . Don’t worry to much about school ask but don’t worry that’s on dad and they will learn life lessons . My son did it
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Go to court. Have rules set.
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As bad as it may sound, if they want to go live with their dad aren’t they allowed by age if that’s what they choose to do?I believe the age for choice in my state is 9, but I’m truly not 100% sure. I know you love them and want what’s best, but if they’re wanting to go to Dads and you say no, they may end up turning it around saying your keeping them from their dad or from
Being able to spend time with their dad or rebel even worse. I’m really sorry your going through this.
I would let go and just be the FUN parent. Tell the school to call him if there are issues. They will wake up. You can love and still let go.
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Let them spend more time with there dad give yourself a break sound like they r a hand full but tell them if they go everything they have at your house stay at your house even clothes tell them there dad will have to get them stuff Bye your son some girls clothes to show u r ok with it even if u r not
People are saying let them go to their dads. Not bad advise except you’re still legally responsible. So if they get in trouble while they’re living with Dad it’s on you. It’s easy for dad to override you, turn them against you when he has no responsibility for their actions. I’d sit them down & ask them what they want. Either follow your rules or live with their dad. If they choose dad then they stay with dad except for agreed visits with you. They can’t come back to you just because they want. Then I’d take them to the court house & file a petition to reverse custody. Chances are dad won’t be found of now being responsible & they won’t like dad’s rules permanently. I’d stick to my guns though…Don’t let them move back.
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Let them go! If they treat their dad as bad as they are treating you it won’t last long until their dad is sending them back to you anyway. And if they do treat him good and he doesn’t send them back then hopefully your relationship with them will grow closer by them visiting you on the weekends
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Let them go and stay with there dad will soon be rules put in place there and won’t be all fun they will soon wanna come home xx
It’s extremely tough especially if you have a trans child. My daughter first identified as non bianary . I’m a single parent, have been for 23 years. You are the primary custodial parent so what you can do is go to the court clerks office and ask about modifying the court order and make sure you write down the issues at hand and how they are detrimental to your children’s behavior and are altering their perception of you as their mother and authority figure. In court ask that their visits be supervised in a public place either with a family member or state worker. Divorce and parents seperating is hard enough ,adding hormones , brain washing and an identity issue are enough to make any family bonkers. In court ask that their be family counseling , if you want it ?? One day when you and the father have free time you need to sit down and talk without the kids there. Explain to him that his behavior is reckless ,Cruel and abusive and if he would like to see the kids he needs to be respectful and conduct himself like an adult who only wants the best for his children. When he and his family act like gutter trash and condone the boys bad behavior they are not only mentally abusing them but they are practically giving them permission to do as they please. I’ve always told my kids … you don’t have to like me or love me but you will damn well respect me !! I would recommend a support group for your 15 year old, the better he feels about himself/herself the calmer it will be. He’s just have identity issues ,he’s angry and confused and family problems make it worse. You don’t have to like or understand what he’s going through as long as your there and are loving and supportive he will come around. You can most definitely call the cops when the kids leave and give descriptions of them and have them picked up and brought home, the are minors so until they are 18 that’s how you can play that. As far as them threatening to leave don’t let them control or influence you , your the mother! I would simply make a rules chart and post one in both of their rooms and one In the kitchen and for every rule their is a punishment, make sure you let the kids know you will enforce the rules and if for one month of possitive behavior , without any behavior problems you will reward them, but you won’t reward bad behavior. Put your foot down !! Sometimes we have to be the bad guy to be the good guy!!! You may also want to let your ex know that for every Insult, confrontation, passive aggressive remark, belittling or anything negative that could effect your children and cause their mental health to be defective will be a day in court. As parents we are suppose to put aside our petty crap toward one another in the best interest of our children. As long as you don’t condone the kids behavior and you remind them that you are their mother and will be respected and what you say goes. They will push back and see what they can get away with but be firm and stay strong. It gets better!!
You have a court order. Start calling the cops every time they leave the house without permission especially when the other family members are picking them up without your permission. And if your ex refuses to give them back start making police reports and take him back to court for going against the court order. And the kids clearly need more intense therapy then what they are receiving
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I would let them go to their dads and see what happens he will then be the one that has to do everything and you can be the fun parent x
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They will soon come back when it is not a novelty and they can do what they want kids need boundaries x
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Well really you should work on yourself being supportive of your kids issues, it’s absolutely not okay that your son even had to go to his dads house to feel safe and accepted after coming out as transgender. I’d leave too, he’s your kid but he’s also a person who came out to you with something difficult and personal and you turned it into a shit show. Tell them you’ll help them pack if they want to go, but keep anything you pay for (phones, etc) and tell them to ask their dad to buy it for them
Honestly based off the first part where you didn’t take it well that your oldest is transgender makes me believe that dad’s house is the best place for her. She feels safe to be herself there while she doesn’t feel that way with you. And kids are mean…maybe the fight was because she was being bullied for being different. And maybe the low grades is because she is depressed from being bullied or she is skipping school because of the bullying and it is not a safe place. But no you don’t consider all these factors. You are too worried about the conflict with your ex and his family to have your child’s best interest at heart
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1 don’t ever stop parenting because you’re afraid of what they will do. Those are your kids and that’s your job! 2 tell dad if he continues to take them when it’s not his turn without your permission you’re going to call the cops and have them returned. Also go back to court let them know what is going on
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Grass always seems better on the other side. Let them go. Once they start there and have to follow dad’s rules they won’t like it either and be back. They know it’s a bluff you fall for and that’s why they throw it in your face.
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They’re at an age where they are starting make their own decisions, especially your 15 year old daughter, once they’re driving you can’t stop them. She’s going through a lot right now and needs someone she can turn to for safety. Also, your reaction to your daughter coming out as trans was likely hurtful to her and now she may not see you as a safe person. It takes A LOT for someone to come out as trans (my parents and I have been through this with my sibling, it takes a lot of love and time). Try looking into parent support groups to help you adjust to having your daughter.
You can also choose to allow them more time with your ex and adjust your court order or you can continue fighting them to keep control and ultimately when they turn 18 you might not see them ever again.
But try to adjust the court order and make the time with dad legally binding and hold him to it, if he doesn’t return the kids when he’s suppose to or picked them up outside of his time you’re allowed to call the police and they will issue an amber alert or retrieve the kids.
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I know what you’re exactly going through. I have been through it before. I still don’t know the right answer. I wish you could keep your kids from a toxic narcissist. But, luckily my kids are now 17 and 15 and they finally see their dad for what he is and they want nothing to do with him.
Let them go. It’s their dad. If it’s that much better, good for everyone. If it’s not as great living at dads as they think, they’ll be back (which typically happens.)
YOU alienated your child when you weren’t supportive. It probably took them MONTHS, maybe even years to come to you about being transgender and you reacted badly. Can you blame her for not wanting anything to do with you? And the youngest probably knew first and was just as mad when you reacted that way.
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Ifnit is court ordered when they leave you call the cops have your orders jn hand. Stomp the ground ajd show them who is boss put your ex in his own place and take it back to court and let thr judge reiterate
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YOU HAVE TO THE FIRM FOOT IN THEIR LIFE. Dad ain’t it. Give them tough love and let them go live with dad. He obviously wants to take care of them well then go for it. If you pay their phone I would cancel or suspend it
My sisters would pull that all the time let them go they will come crawling back to you when they realize they’re wrong
Personally I think you’re exhausted, the kids sounds like they have been manipulated, and their father and his family sounds awful. You are a human being and you’re reaction to your child announcing they are transgender may not have been perfect. But guess what, YOU DON’T HAVE TO LIKE IT! It doesn’t make you a bad parent or person to be uncomfortable with that. But they are still your kiddo so you do need to ask yourself some hard questions. It sounds to me like you’ve already decided to love your child regardless, or you wouldn’t be on this FB page asking this question. I say document everything, keep parenting, keep trying to be in their lives and be mom. But let them go to dads. Do everything with the court informed or whatever protocol needs to be involved. But maybe take this time to work on you and take a break. Let dad be the primary and maybe it will help sort them out. You are not a bad mom at all.
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I say let them move in with their dad. They will either thrive over there being as how you arent very accepting anyway… or they will realize that dad will have rules too eventually and want to come home.
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Maybe tell sit down with them, and dad…see if doing 1 full week at dads, and 1 full week with you is something they are interested in. Your daughter is probably very upset and confused right now too. You said u handled her coming out poorly…so she now sees you as a threat in some way. Mom still…but it probably took her an extreamly long time to say it to you, and your reaction hurt her so very badly. Maybe it’s time to start treating the kids like young adults. Allow them to see dad more…talk to your daughter (and maybe stop using HE and HIM) about everything. Apologize for how you reacted and tell her how much you care and how you will forever be there for her and accept the choice she has made. You just want her to be happy, and be her true self, always. Your not a bad parent for how u reacted, but u have to own what you did and talk and apologize to her.
Your youngest is following the oldest. He probably knew way before anyone…and got angry with the reaction. Hes still young.
I’m sorry this is happening to you. It’s hard.
Honestly, maybe it’s time to switch up the custody agreement. 50/50. Those kids need their dad just as much as they need you. 1 week on, 1 week off. Smile through the pain…stop arguing, and just let them go. It’s hard AF for sure…I know…I really do know…bit you must do what’s good for those kids.
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My youngest daughter used the I will go live with my dad. I packed her up and took her she was back in less than 2 weeks.
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Let them go! Don’t let them come back when they have fights unless they can live under your rules. Right now they are having their cake and eating it too! Next time they threatened you, tell them to pack all of their things… every single thing and drop them off yourself. Sometimes they need tough love.
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Well send them to their dads. #ProblemSolved 
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When both of my BS were 12 they moved in with Dad full time. I felt they needed a make influence in their lives
THEY’RE BLUFFING.
Every kid of divorced parents can end up in that “stage” let them go for a while they might actually come running back when they realise that there are rules on the other side.
Just make sure this does not become their way out fpr everything, to be jumping in between houses. Let them try it out and if they “don’t like it” then you can settle a time they’ll HAVE TO put up with their decision before they’re allowed back home.
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Ok. So let’s start at a simple place. Your oldest is identifying as female, so “she/her” would be the appropriate pronouns. And you’d be on par to refer to her as your daughter instead of your son, until she tells you otherwise. The fact is, depending on where you live the kids may be old enough to decide who they want to live with. And in reality, they are old enough to decide, regardless of why. It sucks if you believe they are disrespecting you because Dad encourages that and tells them they don’t need to listen to you. Perhaps that’s what’s going on. Perhaps they have a different view if this situation. Maybe there’s more consistency with Dad. Maybe Dad has less rules. Maybe their personalities just mesh better. We don’t know. It’s possible you don’t really know, even though you believe you do. Either way, they are old enough to decide which parent they want to live with, and if that’s Dad, then they should be allowed to do that. Doesn’t even matter why, as long as they aren’t in actual danger there. As parents, sometimes stepping back, as ungrateful as it may feel and as heartbreaking as it may be, is the right thing to do. Like Anna, just do the next right thing.
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Let them go…help them pack.
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Bitch slap them and tell them to pack their shit and go. You’ll watch them smarten up. And tell the father to grow up and coparent with you. He shouldnt have kept your oldest child there, he should have taken him home and told him you’re his mother and you make rules.
The kids are old enough that when you go to court they can have a say in where they want to live. I think the both of you need to get a Guardian ad litem to speak in behalf of your children. You can’t force a relationship and if you try to force it you will be pushed away by your children. I think therapy for all involved would be a good start too. Do family therapy as well as individual. Maybe more time with the father is best, but until there is an order in place I would try to stick with what you have. And if you don’t correct the papers, you do need to listen to your children without responding first. This is where I feel therapy would help a lot. Only reason I think it needs to go back to court is because the children need to go to school and your child is obviously suffering at school (another reason for therapy) and you will need it legally stated who is responsible for the minors. Maybe 50/50 would work better as of now?
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Is it the money thing? Will you have to pay child support if they go live with him?
Firstly, you said you had a fight because your child is transgender? I’m likely guessing that child now prefers she/her pronouns. Shes likely at a difficult place in her life that you cant begin to understand, and she trusted you to be there for her. To help her. Instead it became an argument, and you clearly arent accepting still since you are still saying 2 sons when it seems you now have 1 son, and 1 daughter. If she cant find support with you, she will find it with her other parent or someone else and that is a valid reason for not wanting to live with you.
Overall, it sounds like there is a disconnect between you and your kids and they are finding comfort and support with dad. You complain that dad calls every day, but that’s a good thing. And that you arent told about the conversations? That’s not your business. I honestly think you need to take a step back right now. They seem to be at a point where the help they need isnt going to come from you, and you should honestly just be grateful that they have another parent to rely on.
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Let them go, the first time their Dad does the same, they will want to come back
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Umm. If its court ordered he only get them certain times… He should NOT be going around it and doing w.e tell they asses to go…kids learn its not always greener on the other side but don’t learn until they learn for themselves… I’m not around for any threatening shit…they are KIDS.
Stick to the plan. They live with you. Call the police if the custody agreement is not being followed. You are giving in, stop. Saying no is not abuse. It’s called parenting. Kids these days are given everything and that’s why they act like this.
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I have a friend who went through this except she had 5 kids that the father was brainwashing… Now we’re a couple months down the road and the kids want to come back to mom cause dad isnt the same as he was when we was trying to get them to come live with him. Her oldest is 16 and is now back with mom and the rest are working on it. Sometimes if you just let them go they’ll see living with you isnt so bad and they’ll return!
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They are old enough let them learn. Theyll see
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He brain washing the kids and they need counseling immediately! Dad teaching them that you made them do something bad will lead them to abusing their girlfriends/wives because she made him do it! BS! I lived in that for 18 yrs and left when I had my son! As for your transgender son please get him counseling as well.
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So first of all I feel that your kid being trans has nothing to do with this but congratulations on your daughter. That shit is hard you should’ve been supportive from the get go. No one just chooses to be one of the most killed groups. I think y’all need to sit down with Dad and have a serious talk but they’re old enough to choose at this point and if it doesn’t interfere with their schooling it shouldn’t matter imo