Tell them not to let the door hit them in the ass…
Let them go to their dad’s full time. Let him have the responsibility of parenting full time. Don’t push the issue of them visiting you. Keep in touch daily, or even weekly. It’s called tough love. Yes, it will hurt your heart, but sometimes you have to make sacrafices. As far as your son thinking he is “transgender” just support him and don’t turn your back on him. You don’t have to agree to the lifestyle, but let him know that you don’t agree and will continue to address him as a he, because that is what he was born to be.
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They will always come back. It took my daughter 4 months at age 16. They will always come back. 
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First off… If your son chooses to be transgender the wirse thing to do is lash out. I would have left as well. Second at that age they are legally allowed to choose if they dont want tio live with a parent. And i velieve theres more to this story than what your telking us honestly. Anyone cqn try to influence my daughter but she kniws who has her back whose there for her etc.
Let them go, drink your wine and be merry. Of course we love our kids but our sanityyyyy
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Respect has no gender. Trans or not, the point should be, respect is earned, not given. If the children want to be respected, you better be respectful.
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Keep parenting and put your foot down with both kids and dad. Otherwise, they’ll keep walking over you. Kids really do want boundries. Give them some.
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Or you can reverse custody and see how it goes. Maybe you’re afraid it will actually work out. But, maybe it won’t. Either way, you’re not a failure as a mom. You did the raising all this time, take a break, relax, take some time for you while they’re away. Tough love is just that, tough.
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My son tried to pull that with me…while if you don’t let me I will go to dads…
I said I made you your mine till at least 18…nice try kiddo no go
i’d say they’re past the ages of this really mattering but if you have evidence of parental alienation (which this is with NO doubt) then you could take their dad to court and probably get his visitation taken away, but like i said with their ages it’s probably too late for that
Send them to their dads,he needs some responsibility!
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If you have sole custody call the cops and have them returned this will make the kids aware that they can’t just run away from their problems or the reprocutions of their actions
Let them go to their dads and live there. They will all soon realize that rules need to be in place and that fun dad weekends are no longer. It’s easier to parent when you get to do the fun stuff and have no responsibility. I say, switch roles for a while. Let them eat their words
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I’d say let them go. Let me learn the grass isn’t greener on the other side. They just think it’ll be better because right now that isn’t their primary residence. Im sure once they are settled the tide will change and they will be begging to come back. I use to threaten my mom all the time I was going to go to my dad’s and when I did I realized that it wasn’t where I wanted to be.
Pack their stuff,and let dad have them
If you have physical custody and a written visitation schedule you most certainly can insist the kids come back. And if you go to the police station you can request they go with you to retrieve them.
I agree with everyone in this thread. The fact that there is so much hostility in your relationship with them I say when they threaten to go next time tell them to pack up their crap and go. They won’t be gone long at all. They won’t like the change and there is not one person that can replace mom.
Oh dear lord that’s out of control. Unfortunitly being accepted is a real thing. Take your oldest out to get pampered at a spa and bond. You owe it to the kids to get one on one with them, my kid finally appreciated me . You need to start participating with them . In some way my friend . I couldn’t imagine my kids doing this to me. Go play a game with them do spa. Be real with them, talk to them. Don’t judge them. Stop treating them like kids.
Let them go to dads? They are obviously old enough to think they can make that choice. So let them. 
everyone grows up eventually. Seems like u still hold alot if hate twards their dad too for a choice the kids are making. When hes probably just trying to support them. (Step momma here if my girls came to me and said they wanted to live with us full time u bet ur ass id be finding a way to make it happen within proper age and reason of course.) I think u made ur transgender child feel a certain way that will take healing. Maybe dad didnt do that? And thats why they are pushing to be there more often. Let ur child make choices before they resent u for a longer period of time. Its just their dad. Remember he honestly probably doesnt spend his days hating on u… get together and make a game plan for this new arrangement.u never know unless u try.
If there’s a court order then yes you can tell him there’s a court order he needs to return them or you’ll call the police because he’ll be in violation of the custody order.