My ex and I split we had one child together. He gets our child on weekends. He always says he never gets enough time with the child but I’ve offered every other week which he turns down because he doesn’t want to pay daycare. A while ago he had the child a few extra days and it seemed the child was always with the grandparents. How would you feel if they also let their sibling have the child over night? I mean if they’re asking for extra time but not even there what would you do? We never went to court or anything.
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Sounds like my kids dad he gets her every weekend but alot of times she’s not even with him she’s with his grandma who he lives with
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Sounds like my boat I’m in
Grandparents deserve time too
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Maybe he wants more time with his family for the child?
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There is nothing wrong with his family spending time with the child too.
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Why do you keep calling your child “the child”? It sounds like zero connection.
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Be grateful they want to spend time with the child.
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The child deserves to have a connection with the fathers family as well … but see the delima not wanting to take on the extra role to accommodate his request
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There’s nothing wrong with his family having time with the child, but I wouldn’t be going out of my way to accomodate his family if that’s the case. He gets the time he gets, and if he’s going to allow his child over at his family’s during his time, that’s up to him. But I wouldn’t be giving extra time unless the family directly reached out and asked me for the child 
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Does your child stay with your family? Kids deserve to be with all family members.
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Who cares who watches them if their safe? My son goes to his dads half the week he spends one day with his aunt and sometimes sleeps over his grandmas. He’s safe and happy so I’m fine with it. If you child is safe there I’d take it. Bare minimum he should be responsible for his child half the week that’s what being a parent is 
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I would keep records for your benefit if you ever do need to go to court. But as far as his complaining he wants more time , I would reply EVERY time he asks that you have offered every other week and he refuses it.
I also agree that there is nothing wrong with the child spending time with his family/grandparents, your child needs to spend time with them too. If he could afford daycare during the week your child would be there….so what is the problem that your child is spending time with his family?
It’s HIS time and that includes his family. Would you expect if your Mom or Dad called to see their grandchild on the weekend the father had visitation that would be appropriate? I’m sure your child spends time with your family while the child is with you on your time, right?
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Alternate weeks with the child. Half and half! What he does with his time is up to him, and what you do with your time is up to you🤷
Feel lucky that his family wants to spend time with your child. Not a lot of children sees their other side of their family at all… Also have a talk with his family about if they want to spend with your child, they need to come to you instead so that you’ll know who your child is with…
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It’s his family that wants time with the child and he just said it was him. My daughters ex does this. He will get him more but his mom or grandmother will have him.
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Go to court…end of discussion…
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As a farther, I can’t understand men ( if you can call them that) who don’t wanna be around there kids. I hate to leave my son to go-to work. I spend every waking min with my son b4 leaving for work . I play toys and run around . It doesn’t take make any since for him m to get the kids just to stay at grandparents all the time. Yes a visit but not them watching the kids while dad and ( new girl if he’s got 1 ) go out and do their thing . Keep track of everything, with video/pic messages and make sure it’s all time and date stamped. This will help if you ever need to goto court. I hope it works out for the best for you and the kids
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We get time with my Nephew on his Dads days. We want to spend time with him to. His Mom also makes it a point that we have our own time with him being the kids are so close 
It’s hard for Dads to share time with family when they only get 2 days. I’d say as long as they love and care for your Child there shouldn’t be an issue.
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Why can’t the child have time with other family? I mean when the child is with you is it not ok to let them stay at your moms, or sisters? That’s what shared time means, he gets to have the child and that’s the time they get to see grandparents and his side of the family. Would you rather they ask you to see your child? This sounds ridiculous, like you feel your in control of her father making decisions when he is parenting his child. Relax mama, don’t try to alienate your child from his family out of your need to control things.
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I bet u $100 it’s his parents aka the grandparents that want to spend time with his kid not him. It’s very rare a dad would actually care to spend more time with the kid.
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Extended family is important too. Maybe kiddo like having sleepovers with grandparents/uncle/aunty/etc
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First go to court and get a baseline for expectation. Then, ask him to detail to you a solution for what he feels is not enough time. Especially if you’ve already offered weeks at a time. Personally, staying the night with immediate family members I have always felt needed to be a planned situation and the other parent should be notified(as in the aunt/uncle/grand parent ask for the child). While it is “exclusive time” with their other parent, if they are pawning the child off so they can go out, etc. Then the child should go back with you, unless you agree. It’s called first right of refusal.
Well I wouldn’t trip about spending time with his sibling. The kid has a right to spend time with that side of their family, and how I see it is that parents time is also that family’s time. As long as it wasn’t every weekend or every other weekend who cares?
The rest I would ask him what he would like to see happen. If nothing comes up then don’t change anything until he can come up with a plan that fits him.
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actually i have been through this and the court does refer to children as “the child” both verbally and in writing. tell your friend to follow her heart and keep the best interest of the ‘child’ in the fore…
Family is important too
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As long as whomever is with your child (grandparents, uncle, aunties, etc) is talking care of them and is being loved by other family members, let them. Let your child get to know his paternal side of the family. I would personally talk to the family member, that your child is spending time with, and give them your phone number that way they can call or text you to see if they can have your child over. Judges also like that to and it shows that you are not prohibiting the father from parenting time or not allowing your child to bond with the child’s father side of the family. It shows you are willing to coparent. If he complains of wanting more time tell him again that you are willing to do 50/50 parenting time and document his response. If he denies it work with him. Maybe a couple days during the week and the weekends or maybe go to mediation? Show you are willing to work with him. I’m not saying you aren’t but just ask him what days was he thinking of or what type of visiting schedule would work for him and you both? I agree getting a court order. I would get custody and finances on who pays what on paper. That way it’s in writing and prevents possible issues down the road. He should be helping with daycare. It should be 50/50 for your child’s finances.
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Its important for his family to see the child too.
He may be feeling weekends is time for him, but the family also wants to see little?
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The situation may not be him trying to pawn the child off on family during “his time”. His time is the only time his family gets to see the kid too. Just talk to him about it.
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Good grief. The “child” has every right to be around his grandparents while with his dad, it’s his dad’s time that’s being given up so that your guys child can spend time with his grandparents not yours.
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I don’t necessarily think it’s a problem for your child to spend time with grandparents or extended family, it’s good for them to get to know each other. Though it would be better if dad was also there to take advantage of the extra time.
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Just make it fair because most parents miss their kids when they are not there as I’m sure you understand. And really it’s not up to you if your child sees it’s other family members. As long as he is making sure the child is looked after and not in danger then it should be all fine.
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I would keep records of who has the child for future, worse case scenarios, but let them have the days. That’s your child’s family, and it’s great that they want them. It takes a village and those relationships are important.
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So he isn’t suppose to let the child see grandparents? Give a few evenings during the week. That’s what I did. If he’s paying child support he probably can’t afford childcare to.
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I. Would. Think. About. What’s best for. The child
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Unless the grandparents are a danger to your child, I don’t see the problem. 
At lease he’s not leaving your child with random people. As far as the child spending the night with a sibling, is this sibling grown? Or is another child and he’s letting your child spend the night with that kids mother?
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What’s wrong with the kid being with his grandparents?
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Go to court. Keep a record of dates and times your child is with his father and how often he is with other family members during dad’s time.
i would be happy, even grandparents are taking part.
What is wrong with your child spending time with his grandparents and aunties/uncle’s? That’s your child’s family too and he deserves to have a relationship with them, as long as they’re not a danger to his safety. Be thankful that he has a father and other family members that want to spend time with him.
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Reading must be hard. He refuses week on week off. Shes not complaining about the kid seeing its grandparents or other family she doesn’t understand why he’s complaining about more time yet when she’s offered it he won’t take it and when he has the kid he leaves it with someone else and isn’t spending that time with them. So either take the extra time and pay for daycare or shut up and be happy with what you have.
My hubby shared his kids every other week . When one had them the other would have them for dinner one night a week also the youngest went to play school so whoever’s week it was the other would take him to day care . Maybe your ex could arrange to pick your child up after daycare and take out for dinner . I don’t see any problem with family members having time with the kid .
Maybe his family wanted to see the kid more so they got him askin for more time…
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Maybe communicate with his family for visiting too so you are in the know more without seeming like you wanna take em away?idk
Do week on/week off and he pays no child support but is responsible for daycare the weeks it’s his week. That is truly 50/50 and helps both parties.
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Let your child see the grandparents if they want him for the night. If anything goes wrong then you can stop it.
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Wait
You are upset your child was able to spend time with grandparents and an aunt/uncle?
Any time someone talks about a custody agreement I remind them to think of THEMSELVES… would you be ok with just weekends? Would you want your child spending time with your parents and sibling?
The best case for a child as they age is 50/50 custody and as hard as that can be for you as primary it really can be best for your child to get to know extended family on both sides.
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Does anyone else find it alarming she refers to her child as “the child”… Sounds weird.
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As long as family members are healthy unfortunately you can’t even trust families these days so use caution but if they are healthy. The more family the better life’s hard with out family.
Get it done threw the courts, I’m sure grandparents are happy to spend time as well. Is your child safe and cared for is the big question.
It’s good for them to get that time with their family. I personally rather my kids be with their grandparents or father’s siblings then their father
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He doesn’t want more time. He wants more control of you. Saying he doesn’t get enough time makes you feel like you’re depriving him which socially has a lot of negativity.
Don’t do visitation without the courts. It leaves too much room for him to manipulate you. Get a lawyer, go to court & file a petition. Put in it that he has to be the primary caregiver. He can’t drop kid at his parents or use a SO for daycare unless you both agree it’s called first right of refusal. This isn’t to take time from the grandparents. It does keep him from taking more time from you that he’s not using himself.
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Nah go to court or parent centre
Be glad your child has loving family ever think maybe they also wanted to see your child more as well as the dad
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Nothing!!! Enjoy you time while you have it
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I see where you are coming from. Dad should inform you of the kids’ whereabouts if they are not with him. Talk to his family yourself if you are able. They might not be getting the full picture of whats going on.
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My son is about to be 7 and his dad is court ordered every other weekend. He sees him practically every weekend and I don’t have a problem with it. If we have something going on I say no. But if we are not, I’ll tell his dad ask him if he wants to go. If your child seems happy why not? Let him make memories with him and his family. With me having him 90% of the time I’ve seen a lot of firsts he’s sadly missed out on quite a few of them…
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Maybe he is asking for more time because he wants the child to see his family…This makes perfect sense but sometimes it’s hard to see the answer if your close to the problem …
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Maybe it’s his family that’s bugging him to have the child more, they probably genuinely love and enjoy it and are happy to have him sleep over and babysit. That’s what aunties & uncles & grandparents do. I baby sit my nieces every Saturday and keep them all night a couple times a month. Their older brother that lives with his mom (my brothers ex) comes to stay with me and I pick him up to do things whenever. I think and feel grandparents and aunts etc have a right to be involved even if the father isn’t. You don’t want to alienate baby from them.
A child can never have too many people that love them!
I suggest making a big effort to get along and get to know these people so you will feel better and more at peace about it, they are your baby’s blood relatives and it’s easier to get along.
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The dad is saying he wants more time with your guys child but pawns them off? I get it the grandparents and uncle/aunt want time with them but then you coordinate with them… if he wants more time then he needs to be present when that time is happening.
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That’s completely normal kids should spend time with family. It’s nice that they all want to enjoy time with them. As long as you’re child is happy what’s the big deal?
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Get a lawyer and work on a schedule. Have a decree done. Having everything on paper and set up through the courts is the best way to go.
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If he wanted more time he would make it happen… I wouldnt even worry about it.
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Is your child always with you or do you sometimes leave them with other people/relatives for visits and time with family? The amount of women on here making it all about nastiness and control is quite shocking. Not every Dad is a loser or out to get the Mother. My husband misses his son very much and would love more time with him. Instead a man he has never met gets to spend more time with his son than he does. This stranger she was with for 3 months before deciding she wanted to live with him has never had to jump through hoops or pay legal fees or prove himself to be a good man and Dad like my husband has. Hypercrites all mothers say they know best because they are the mum… please give it a rest. Its the mothers who want to control everything and treat their children like a possession think about the damage you are doing and how much your child would live a more even balance of time with BOTH parents. It took 50/50 to make the kid it should be the same when spending time together after a separation. My son doesn’t get to see his dad and faces rejection and hurt there’s is nothing more I would love than for his dad to turn up and say he’s made a mistake and wants to get to know his boy. If he’s asking for more time ask your child what they want. Tey and covalent if you can because that really is the best thing for children. I understand in some circumstances this is not always possible but courts and solicitors are the only winners in all of that. Communicate and work together.
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Ok people the point to this he wants more time to see his kid but he isn’t see him and build a relationship with him everyone else is he can take the child and spend time with going to see his side of the family with his son not get him and leave him with them and if those grandparents want to have time with the kid maybe they should ask the mother of they can come and get the child that’s with anyone else on his side of the family.
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So it “seemed” that way, but was it actually that way? You have no control over who the child is with on dads time. If dad wants to spend time with his family with the child, then so be it. I can guarantee you’re not with your child 100% of the time and they are never with any of your family members. If he wants his kid more, let him have his damn kid more. Just because you’re mom doesn’t mean you make all the rules and have the final say. His dad/dads family are just as important.
Jesus some of you women are so ruthless. Let the man and his side of the family have time with his kid. This whole mentality y’all have where the dad means nothing is sickening.
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Why can’t his family spend time with the child 
Highly depends? What age child? Was the child super close to his parents and/his siblings? Does the child want to see his parents and/or his siblings?
sorry ladies but women always think there right in child custody, remember the child is 50% his/ 50% your so he has as much right as you. arguing over a child only make for a unhappy kid, there already sad because of the parent split, visiting is not about you getting your way its about the child
Go to court and get it in writing the time he gets and the child support you are to receive
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You do what’s best for kiddo and you set up a legal visitation schedule. You follow it to a T and document like crazy!
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