That’s a pretty normal behavior for younger kids. But yes my husband once gave a piece of coal to our son in his stocking as kind of a hey Santa is watching and this is a warning that if you don’t behave this is all you’ll get next year. He still got presents and had a normal Christmas but after that he was good for a while and we still sometimes have to remind him about it lol
I got sick of having to pick up my kids toys when they were little too. So I went and got a big tote and every single toy that I had to pick up went into that tote. If they wanted any of the toys back then they had to “earn” it back by doing chores around the house. It took a while for them to finally want some back but it did eventually work.
Maybe try that approach instead?!!
Take things away when they can’t respect their stuff or you. Pack them up and tell them enough is enough coal is fine
I think there is a larger issue at hand. Coal may teach them in the short term, but I don’t think that it will truly fix the problem. I also don’t teach my kids that Christmas is about presents (we are religious) so there is a deeper meaning in Christmas. If you aren’t religious, it may allow you to address the issue. Maybe have another stocking with goodies for after they clean up?
That is cruel. No child is perfect. They are going to have tantrums sometimes, the house will get messy, as they get older they will sometimes lash out and be cheeky. Find a way to discipline that comes from a place of love and wanting what is best for them. Ruining their xmas is a memory they would hold onto forever and create resentment and anger. I dont believe in punishing a child by taking away things that they love or enjoy. Discipline is about teaching them life lessons morals and respect and can be done through calm conversations with most kids if you have a loving bond.
I had a cousin once who was trouble as a child. He lit the Christmas tree on fire on Christmas Eve (by accident apparently) and he received coal that year. He got zero presents. He learned his lesson
We have a family tradition that Santa Lucia comes a few weeks before Christmas. You put your shoe out by the stove and if you are good you get a couple of goodies. Like maybe a barbie and a golden book and always chocolate coins. If you aren’t you get coal. That way you can adjust your behavior before santa comes
We got coal every year from my teen years on (and still do from our dad…I’m now 42) before the presents to make us sweat
At the end of the day, your their mother, its up to you to decide whats best as far as decipline, now i do agree if you want to go the coal route maybe leave a note explaining why it happened and have like another place where the presents are and at the end of the letter kind of give a warning that santa was nice and still gave them their presents this year that theyre in such and such place but that next year they need to start listening if not santa may not be so nice
Depends how old are your kids my son is 3 and he loves helping clean I guess it depends on the child though but I guess my son just wants to do whatever me or my husband is doing he started when he was 6 months I would have him on in those carriers and he would help hold the broom supposedly then when he turned 2 and got pregnant with his brother he started helping even more he also loves getting groceries down from the car and will fight for the last thing but I honestly think that messy kids is normal now if they cuss or something more serious I would totally do coal your kids are your decision it just depends on what they do and if they are old enough to understand the coal also that your family and partner agrees
My mom started throwing our stuff in a trash bag when we were mean or wouldn’t pick up our things, I also do this with my almost four year old and she has started picking up somewhat after herself without being asked ten times.
My kid would be so excited to get coal he is obsessed with trains. He is 6 and actually said so if I’m bad Santa will bring coal like train coal. I told him no Santa knows you would love that so he would bring you dirt he was like ooo ok then never mind. But we actually thought about getting him coal because he was so interested in it
My kids were only allowed to get one toy out at a time, if they wanted another toy they had to put the first one away, I had plastic bins for everything, or shelves. also at Charleston time they were told every time they misbehaved or didn’t do what was expected they got something taken off their list, if they didn’t get everything they asked for they knew why
Making " Santa " the bad guy …imo isn’t the answer! If one yr can pick up their toys … any age can! While they sleep go through the toys you know they don’t play with ! Keep toys to one area of the home, be consistent in your words " ok, time to clean up " the timer starts now … 5mins . Once the clock dings the toys left get taken away for x amount of day , wks whatever you want . But to use Santa imo … is a cop-out.
If they don’t want to pick them up tell them you are throwing them away and follow that promise. My son was 5 and I told him this and he told me to throw it all away so I went in his room cleaned it and made him take the bags of toys out to the trash and that day we watched the trash man take his toys. He has never told me to throw them away after that. You do what you feel is best. There is no best parenting award. You got this momma!
As much as my kids upset me even my oldest at 13, I could never imagine giving them actual coal or not giving them Christmas gifts. I couldn’t imagine hurting them like that. I may not give them the nice expensive gift they wanted all year but they would still get stuff.
So I tried this with my 7 year old the other day. I told him if your not good Santa will give you coal. His response “that’s ok mom I’ll take coal, you know how you can get diamonds? Coal mom, coal” I guess I lost that one
I have talked and talked to this 4 year old. I finally got a garage bag. And put his toys in it. He freaked out. Now…all I got do is act like I’m get a trash bag. And no…I didn’t throw them out.
Yup sure have🤣they didnt find it funny though
Shit my kids went with out birthday presents a few times bc they were absolutely unbelievable an didnt listen for shit!!! Needless to say they learned their lesson. They still have an issue about listening again but they are both going through puberty at the same time and both being boys and 18mnths apart…
Wrap empty boxes. When they are bad throw one into fire place or garbage!!!
Naw, I have now 18, 16, 8 and 3 they all clean up after them selfs even dishes to the sink. They all grew up the same, if you don’t want to make sure your rooms are clean or the toy room, ( toys are only allowed in that part of the house. I’m coming in with a garbage bag and what ever is on the floor is gone. They all know this and don’t even try to test me. But they also have been taught clean up from a young age and always had to help out.
Let them watch you throw their toys into garbage bags and bring them into the garage or where ever you put your garbage (don’t actually throw them out) and let them see what it’s like to have no toys. Or just remove them all together and put them in storage and only leave a few things like books and coloring stuff. Don’t let them watch tv or use tablets. Give them a chore list (chores are for all ages) and each week when they complete all their chores they can pick a toy to come back into the house. They’re maybe over stimulated with the amount of stuff they have to play with.
I tell my kids to pick it up or I’m throwing t away. If I ask 3 times guess which toys are at the street
Needless to say they got two new gifts for Christmas and in my mind that’s too much for them this year. But I wish I could do coal I just can’t idk why tho
My kids dump out bins and have more toys then needed but they will still get more for Christmas. What I started doing is I have a bucket of I say pick it up and they don’t I put it in the bucket and they have to earn it back buy doing an assigned chore.
I start making toys disappear. If it’s left out, it goes in the “trash”. I don’t usually throw it away unless it’s something that is old and isn’t actually played with with. But I’ll put stuff in my room or hide it. And when they ask for it I tell them I threw it away because they didn’t clean it up. They’ll catch on eventually or not have anything left. If they show me they can take care of their things I’ll get them a “new” one. Which is usually me just pulling out the one I had hidden.
Forget it about it! Join the movement! Make a stand and let’s tell these crappy brats that Christmas is canceled! We must stand up against these evil lil crappy crumbsnatchers!
My cousin got coal in his stocking every year growing up.
I once gave them nothing because they kept tearing up eachothers stuff. I spent my hard earned money on the stuff that they would tear up to get back at each other so I told them no more . And I stuck to it.
Switches! My husband told my daughter for weeks one year that’s all she was getting from Santa b/c she was being bad. He went to the yard picked up some switches put them in an empty wrapping paper roll and wrapped them. Made her open them first. She only got a couple of gifts that year but we didn’t have anymore issues with her being bad! Lesson learned!
My kid is 3 and doesn’t quite understand “ you have to be good to get toys for Christmas”
So we actually took away 80% of his toys about a month ago and hid them. He is the type to have thousands of dollars of toys & just want TV or Tablet…
So we took it all away & are hoping when Christmas comes he will see the new toys & be excited to HAVE toys that are different & new
Potatoes and onions! I was soooo disapointed Christmas morning when I looked in my stalking!!! They’d even not put my presents under the tree!! brought them out later but boy did I learn my lesson!
Maybe for Christmas you get them only a few things since they already have a ton of toys. Like a book, something they need, something educational and something to wear.
My parents use to top our stocking off with a bag of black licorice candy that was bagged in little pull bags with a banner saying black coal…it was candy…and one we didnt like…but it was kinda tradition lol
We did. My father in law hauled coal from PA (he drives trucks) so we put a piece outside of each of the kids bedrooms. The kids also got a ton of presents but it’s one thing that they’ve never forgot!
Put baskets out on Christmas Eve to leave unused toys for Santa to take with to give to other kids. Tell them that now that they are older and have so many toys already, Santa won’t bring new ones unless they give up some of what they already have. Makes room for presents, and helps get room cleaned!
Got a sod of turf one year isent that right Mary
We gave our oldest (13 now 9 at the time) coal because his attitude and not listening… we had a big box and put coal in it he was so upset we weren’t entirely mean tho… we tapped a $1 under the coal he didn’t see until he stopped freaking out… he received his normal gifts but still brings up the one time we gave him coal lol
I picked up all my kids toys after a lot of putting away demands. I put them in A big garbage bag and I lived on the 6th floor and dumped it off the balcony
I had a girlfriend catch the bag and out it in my storage. It shocked them to pick up their toys. I left a folded garbage bag on their bedroom door
We just tell our daughter that Santa won’t come so if she does be bad… then she won’t even get coal
I’ve seen this suggestion b4. Wrap presents (fake) and every time they don’t do as asked (repeatedly) throw a present away. Works best if you have a fireplace
Otherwise " Out" in the garbage making sure the child is aware of it.
How old are the kids? Mine are almost 3 and 5, and yes, I’m constantly after them to pick up, but they are still learning. I just went through toys, got rid of a bunch, and put half of the rest in totes and into storage. Less is more imo, less to clean or worry about, and the kids can use their imagination Much better.
When my children were young after telling them the third time to pick up their toys and put them away or they would go in the trash I actually brought out the broom and the dustpan and swept them up and put them in the trash a few times ,so that they soon learn their lesson no more problems
Wow sounds like you have kids! Welcome to motherhood, although I’m not condoning child’s behavior I feel it’s normal. Do they need to step it up? Yes! Is there’s ways to do it other than taking the kids Christmas away? Definitely! Christmas comes one time a year. Fight your battles the other 364 days a year. kids are only kids once
This year has been bad enough for everyone! Lighten up and give those kids their christmas gifts! Now after Christmas if they continue to misbehave and not play with their new toys then by all means bag them up and take them away until they appreciate them but not at Christmas time!
This post just makes me picture a kid eventually on a therapist’s couch talking about their mother thinking they were “unworthy” during one of the toughest years we could all imagine. Having a home during quarantine is a blessing, having things to play with is a blessing, having kids who TRY to keep themselves busy and sane using the contents of their home during this chaos is a blessing. Someday you will miss the messy house and be upset at yourself for the Christmas you decided to make them “pay” for it by stealing away what could be a great memory from the year. You might want to search your soul a bit and then rethink instead about how you want to communicate that you LOVE them this Christmas by doing something thoughtful for them. Every other day of the year is for lessons… not Christmas.
I’m the OP. There’s a lot of judgemental people here who like to blame me to although they don’t know me or the situation.
My kids are 9. Not toddlers. I run a very organized home. They have a toy room that’s spilt into 4 sections including a larger section that’s a walk through doll house with bedroom, living room, kitchen/dining room. They’re really into their dolls. Everything has a place. There’s bins, a doll wardrobe, cabinets etc that are labeled for each type of toy. I’m not talking about children who play with toys & leave them. They will empty everything, tip over shelves, pull organizers off the walls etc. They tear the cushions & pillows off my couch. Throw them behind the couch, use them to slide down stairs, doll beds etc. They swipe their arm across their desks, shelves & dressers just to push stuff off. They hide dirty clothes in any little spot they can find. I give them clean clothes that are folded or on hangers matched into outfits. They seperate them & throw them all over. I have 2 adult kids. They never lived like this. I know it’s not me. Your little toy jails wouldn’t work since there’s a lot of toys. I have bagged up toys. 1 screams the other just ignores it. Then they retrieve the bag & dump it out. I don’t have a space to put it that they don’t go not am I able to donate them immediately. I’ve also taken privileges away. We don’t do Santa. So no I’m not telling them that someone who loves everyone hates them. Even though I find those comments funny since everything about Santa revolves around the naughty & nice list. I talk about consequences & accountability often. I believe consequences should fit the action. Which not getting more stuff because they can’t respect what we have is pretty direct & fitting.
Ok first have you tried making clean up a game and give rewards for helping? My kids are older now 19,15,13, and 9. When they were a bit younger but old enough to pick up after themselves I would tell them they had 10 minutes to clean up if they didn’t whatever was left on the floor would get taken away and they would have to do additional chores to earn them back.
My kids were particularly bad last year, so we got them only things they needed for christmas no toys. They weren’t impressed. But they got the message. Your 9 yr old would probably get it but your 2 and 5 yr olds may not. 90% of motherhood is cleaning up other people’s messes that you didn’t make. And I promise you it doesnt really get any better. Good luck tho.
Do it, but leave a note saying that he will make a special trip if you parents call him to say they cleaned up
I feel like I got candy coal once. But it was more of a joke.
I could never do that . Cruel. Kids are kids and one day grow up and leave home. Then, there is little laundry to do and you have a spotless house , few dishes need washing . And , my oh my , what you’d do to have them back under your roof once more . You’d take them back and be happy to pick up after them all over again . Trust me , I know of what I speak .
My friene is going to give her son coal and keep his actual presents in her room on christmas morning. Then after he realizes none of the presents are his and he had nothing but coal, she will bring his real ones out.
Go on strike, I have to do it maybe once ever 6-9 months or so. Everyone just get used to me cleaning up after them. You Stop cleaning for them. If you can’t handle the mess, pick up around the house and dump it in their room/ toy room. Let them clean it up. I only do laundry that is in the laundry basket. They will run out of clothes and get sick of the mess. You know how to raise good adults. You can do it again.
I don’t know about no Christmas gifts (I like the idea of no toys, just other needed items).
Our 13 (will be 14 Saturday) and 7 (will be 8 Friday) year old daughters lost their Christmas this year and have to earn it back. They both have been lying, cheating, and one stole $100+ from us among other things. Weve tried everything short of taking away Christmas (which really sucks because this is the first year we were really able to afford it). The soon to be 8 year old will be getting coal. I’ve told them they have to get ungrounded before they can earn their presents, and if they haven’t earned them back by next December, they’ll get the same ones next year.
My daughter and I threatened my granddaughter that if she didn’t behave she was going to get coal for Christmas and this is what she said… that’s ok I’ll give it to papa for his bbq lol, I died laughing she’s 4 years old
you honestly wanna do that? like really? you want to take a day that’s supposed to be magical and full of love and good memories and make them feel like shit? it’s just gonna start a fight and will likely go down in their memories as the worst christmas they ever had and a genuinely terrible day that they had looked forward to for so long. if you want to make a statement about their behavior then choose a different day.
I’m just wondering if you tried a behavior chart? Giving stars for good behavior and letting them add up to a reward? I personally would keep Christmas out of the equation just because Christmas is just that…a religious holiday. That being said, I wouldn’t give them many toys for Xmas. I’d give them books and clothes. Btw, it usually worked better for me to let them choose their clothes, my oldest never liked matching outfits…and she ended up having a real sense of style. Good luck! Parenting can be so challenging!
Time out will work. Also start taking away the toys they play with the most. The electronic ones especially.
I wouldn’t do coal, that’s to extreme. Buy stuff the can’t play with, things they may need. Clothes, learning tools, books, ect. As far as picking up toys, take them all away and make them earn them back one toy at a time by doing chores. At the end of a set time decided by you if they haven’t earned all the toys back donate them. As for the furniture make it a new rule that they can’t sit on it or play on it or even touch it. We did that to our kids when they was growing up, donated a lot of toys before they learned to put things away. In the end it worked like a charm.
After I told my son once to clean up his toys if he didn’t comply in a timely fashion (I usually gave him 10 minutes) I would give him a 10 count then break out the trash bag. It usually got him moving pretty fast.
You shouldn’t use a holiday to discipline your children, ok? They should have already been doing it when they were very little. But since you’re getting a late start, start the day after Christmas. Let them know that with a new year there’s new rules. Set rules and for Heavens sake ENFORCE THE CONSEQUENCES!! You can talk or yell til you’re blue in the face, but if they don’t believe you’re going to go through with the consequences nothing will change. Teaching your kids that decisions and behavior has consequences is the most important thing you can teach them. Otherwise you will have spoiled brats who even in adulthood will expect you to take care of them and solve their problems for them.
We always put candy coal in each stocking. The kids get more than Hubby and I. Lol.
I don’t know the age of your children but YOU should have began discipline when they were toddlers. Children will NEVER do the right thing unless they are taught the right thing. It seems if they have too much stuff - get rid of it all.
Teaching them to pick up after themselves start at an early age. I don’t know how old they are now but it may be to late. Take all their toys away. Let them play with one or two. Tell them if they put therm away when they are done you will give them more.
i never actually put coal in their stockings. But one Christmas my 15 yr old son got nothing and his stocking wascempty, cuz of his behavior.
i warned my son, one year, that he was going to get dog poop if he wouldn’t listen. he thought i was joking! yes, he got a small baggie of dog poop in his stocking…
You didn’t mention the age of your children. Different ages need different consequences and also need to be taught. We were not allowed to get everything out at once. You picked up those toys before you moved on to something else but it required the person supervising to be vigilant and teach the expectations.
I believe if you allow this to continue you will never get anywhere sit down with your children to explain that they each have a responsibility to contribute to the house start slow maybe give them a sticker each day they put a toy away or complete a chore you want completed maybe reward after 2 weeks a dollar store toy then work on a month q sticker for everyday the do what you want work up to two or three months if they understand there is a reward for working together they will stay on track I ran a successful business with daycare and before we moved on to fun activities we always cleaned up there mess first played a game who could clean up faster this carried on at there homes I couldn’t possibly have picked up for 8 kids or more they were always ready to clean up we always had lots of fun sadly I’m retired but miss those kids and the families
Start with taking their electronics away! It’s the quickest way to get them to understand you mean business.
My mom made little bags for grandkids one year that said “ you been bad, you know it’s true! All you get is snowmen (or reindeer) poop!” Snowman bag had mini marshmallows and reindeer had Hershey kisses. It was hysterical!!! Then they got real presents lmao
help them get on track and explain a tidy up everyday is easier thancleaning up a national disaster .
Holy crap mom .you may kot have. Another yrr to give them gifts .what if God forbid somethnh should happen to one of them and there was not a chance to give them a gift at easter . think it out . i wish my son were here .christmas is a time to show love .crack the whip after the season for the reason .
If it’s left out, it’s mine. They can have it back when they show responsibility and appreciation. I’ll take everything and just leave them with the basic necessities.
My kids have gotten coal, walmart sells it, it’s chocolate coal.
Gave it to grandkids. They loved it. It was candy
Depends on how old they are. Good cleaning habits are good to start young. You cnt just tell them to clean it and then get mad and clean it for them. You have to actually show them how. Good habits start early. Be patient and just start making them help you as your doing it. If your picking up toys get them to watch and help you pick up toys. Dnt tell them to pick up their room while your washing dishes. Work one room at a time together. Start in their bedroom get it tidy then go through the rest of the house picking up toys. When they get the hang of it then you can just say hey did you clean your room. If they are older like 7 and up then you probably should toss in some punishments like taking away stuff, or telling them no tablet, tv, and such till it’s cleaned up.
Sounds like you just got a defective one. Try taking it back and returning it for a full sized adult? If that’s not an option, then help teach your children by giving them guidance, and then give them their presents at Christmas. You should only take away rewards if someone does something they know is wrong. Which it sounds like your kids are doing what they’re used to, aka not doing anything wrong. Lead by example and give us all a behavior update in 6 months.
This is actually terrible
That’s cold. Maybe step up and be consistent in your parenting. Don’t take away the magic of Christmas