My daughter and my grandsons dad have done well with out the courts, but, on the other hand I had a friend who’s grandbabies dad took the kids and it was 3 yrs before the mom saw them again. Police said he was the kids parent to and could just up and take them
Protect your child and yourself and get something in writing from the courts that primary placement is with you.
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I’m sorry I have to ask why you wouldn’t want the child to live with you? Do you intend to leave the kid behind?
Go to court set that shit in stone. Custody usually goes to those consistent, stable, and reliable. Who ever can most take better care of the kids is who gets more custody like lives with them and then you would get more considered “visits”. Like dad would probably get weeks if he’s the primary care giver at home. And then you’d get whatever else is agreed on
I do it with out the court and havent really had a problem. Unless I was trying to get help cause I had another kid from a didnt guy and they were gonna go after full from both men even though I livedvwith one… But as long as you both are open about everything and what not.
As someone who has seen the ugly side of trying to coparent outside of the courts it’s better in the long run from what it sounds like with your situation. My SOs baby momma uses their son as a pawn to get her way. She will keep him from his dad, not let them talk on the phone or anything. As soon as my SO says he’s going to take her to court if she doesn’t allow him to see his son she will let him come over. She doesn’t want to deal with the courts because she knows he will get 50/50 and that will mean dad can get part of his disability check. She didn’t and doesn’t want her son she has said it countless times but it’s all about money. She threatens to file child support but she won’t do it because it will open the door for custody. Once our courts are back open due to covid he is filing for 50/50. We don’t care about the disability money, he wants to see his son and his son has told us countless times he wants to live with us not her. I’d honestly protect yourself and go through the courts.
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You really need a Court order
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You mean he will get to see the baby every day? You don’t have to leave her in his custody, if you do be prepared for him to get primary custody if you do end up in court, and court will probably be inevitable, and it protects you in the long run to have an arrangement that the court recognizes.
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“You can see your son everyday”? I’m confused. That right there should be a red flag! If there is no custody agreement set in paper there is no stopping him from taking your child moving away and not saying anything to you. Be smart and go get it done in court! Protect yourself and first and foremost your child! Do not let him dumb you down into believing some BS.
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Everything has to be written through an attorney. It will save you alot of heartache and probably thousands of dollars. You both can use the same attorney
It is never a good idea to do it without the courts. With court orders you can get schedules, Fair split for medical school supplies, day care costs and separate the holidays fairly. It also keeps them from Skipping out because it’s Court ordered. There will be consequences. Especially if they’re narcissistic or have shown you they don’t communicate or have anger issues. It’s just better for protection and fairness.
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Court. Take your child when you leave!
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I would take it to court…
Never go outside the courts, and take the kids when you leave or it could be months before you see them. Unless you have a court order, he can refuse to return your child and the police will not be able to get him back until there is a court order, which can take months. I have seen this happen numerous times. You don’t necessarily have to make it a big ordeal. You can use a mediator and come up with something and have it approved by the courts, but never let them off without a court-approved custody arrangement or you are taking a huge risk.
I agree with a lot of people. His wording sounds super suspicious, and my mind automatically jumps to the fact that it sounds like he’s got a plan to screw you over.
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You should at least get a mediator and have something in writing. Without this either one of you can just up and leave with the child and the states generally will do nothing about it. My niece had to wait almost 2 months to get her son back, the dad was in a work release program and she allowed him to spend time with their son and he skipped out of returning to work release and left the state with him. Since they didn’t have a “legal” standing on the custody ( indicating who had primary custody and when visitation started and ended) she couldn’t press charges on him even though she tried and had to track him down and go take her son back. It also will always ensure both parents are able to be in the child’s life because the phrase that" he’ll let you see your child everyday "sends out huge red flags. I’m not judging your situation and why you’re leaving the child with the father but I know I wouldn’t be able to that. If he isn’t willing to put something in writing to ensure you still retain your rights then please go to court. I understand that court isn’t what anyone wants,however if you try to agree and he won’t sign an agreement then I would be very, very worried. To me that would seem like he’s trying to remove you from your child’s life. Without a schedule in writing he could never allow you to see your child and that would be terrible for and your child.
He can and will say anything to get your child—— get it. In writing or you will have no recourse!! N
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I would get something in writing legally. People lie, change their mind or pretend they didn’t say what they said. You need to keep your rights if you are leaving. Definitely get legal advice you might end up regretting it
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Never ever ever do custody without a court order.
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If you trust him to do the right thing by you and your child then sure. Sounds weird he won’t do a written agreement. But back to the original question, yes I share my daughter with my ex and his family with no court orders or anything written in place
He could say you abandoned your child. Best to get the court involved.
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Cover yourself and take it through the courts. Anyone saying you can see the child everyday is setting you up for heartbreak. Don’t give your legal rights away.
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Your child’s father sounds like a narc so I do recommend you going to court especially since he said you can see your son every day and that he doesn’t want courts involved and refuses to sign anything.
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Never ever go outside the courts. Even in the most trusting co-parent relationships you want those documents that spell out the how and the when.
You’re leaving your child?
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Court order, 100%. It’s a sooner than later thing.
always get things in writing and having it notarized at the VERY least
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I’ve co-parented with my sons father for nearly 18 years, never needing to have courts involved. It can be done.
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Split everything 50/50 and get in legally in writing to protect both of you. That way you can’t take the child and not let the father see them and he can’t take the child and not let you see them. Neither parent is more important than the other. The child needs both of you. Split custody 50/50, school expenses 50/50, doctor bills 50/50, etc. Fair and equal financial responsibility and time with the child.
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Do NOT do it this way . Make sure you get everything in writing or you will have issues . Trust me !
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Do not settle for verbal agreements. Even if you two write something down an take it somewhere to have it notarized it’s a legal document.
I have. It’s been wonderful! Our kids are in their teens now and my husband and myself, and my ex husband and his wife get along very well. Everything has always been about the kids 
I would do mediation before anything. Thats where I started. You will see if his genuine and wants a the best for the kids. You don’t need to go court you can mediate and make a formal agreement at least a parenting order
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My husband has no court order with his ex, they have coparented successfully for over 8 years. It can be done but there needs to be explicit trust. I’m concerned about him not wanting to put something in writing though. In your case I would lean towards going through the court so that he doesn’t keep you from your child.
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My ex and I split everything 50/50, including time with the kids. No child support, no visitation orders written into the divorce decree. We both lived in the same school district so that wasn’t an issue.
First year they were with us each a week at a time, after that the kids led the length of time with each parent, but we kept the time even.
Holidays were give and take, no quibbling, arguing, or having to keep it “even.”
We even all had brunch together on the days the kids switched places. Every time. For years.
If you keep it about the kids and not yourselves, it will work itself out.
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Get the court involved. That’s not a negative or antagonistic thing to do. It’s a safety net. You’d be surprised how quickly things can turn sour and any verbal agreement becomes a he said/she said situation.
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I wish I would have gone through the courts immediately following my separation! If you and your child’s father can come to written agreements, you can file them without having to go before a judge.
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Yea me and my ex husband do… Took a while to work out the kinks but it works wonderfully for what it is
An agreement needs to be written out and filed with the court system. I don’t care how civil you may be now at some point, you will be very glad you did. Holidays, weekends, summers, all of that needs to be lined out clearly! I worked in family law for a very long time, trust me.
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So not leave that child there when u leave u take that child with you and I’d he wants visitation he will take u to court for it
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Depending on where you live, if you’re unmarried the father will have to go through the courts anyways to establish custody. You will have custody until he does this. I would not recommend verbal agreements as others have stated he could change his mind.
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Me and the father of our 6 year old went outside the courts. It’s worked out really well. When we lived in the same town his dad would take him every 2nd weekend and come for dinner during the weeks we also rotated who has him Xmas eve til Xmas day lunch time every year. Has Xmas with our family still. Also rotated long weekends. He has now moved towns. Comes over as much as he can. Video calls and normal phone call as much as possible helps out with schooling or anything really. And has him all of Xmas holidays and sees him school holidays. Goes camping with our son and my family most xmas holidays. We also have done private agreement for child support. We have been co parenting for the last 3 or 4 years. It’s worked out so much better than what I thought esp since most stories are messy.
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I wouldn’t. Not wanting to get courts involved usually means he wants control. He doesn’t have to agree with anything if you go out of court. He can say he’s bringing him back 7pm Sunday & not bring him back until Wednesday. You can’t do anything.
My ex said the same thing he wants to go outside the courts. I tried to get to agree on a schedule. He wouldn’t. He’d show up whenever, force his way in our home, tell me how to run it, steal things etc. I told him no more visits until he takes me to court. I filed for CS. He told them I wasn’t allowing him to see my kids. They told him I don’t have to unless he obtains a court order. He didn’t until 4yrs later when I applied to leave the state. The judge saw through his tears & pitty me act. He doesn’t see his kids & we live 200 miles away from him. Don’t let that man use your son to control you. If he really wants to see him he’ll petition the court & compromise on an schedule with you. I bet he has no intention in actually seeing him if that means he can’t control you.
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My Boyfriend & his Baby Momma don’t have a court order & for the 6 years I have been around they have had the same schedule legit 50/50 We get them Sunday from 10 am until Wednesday at 730 pm…(Her current husband beat my boyfriend up with a metal bat, when they 1st got together 7years prior)… To this very Day we Do Sunday Fundays once a month. We have a Annual getaway all of us together to a hotel to swim & play & then a day at the zoo… We have birthday parties both her & her husband’s family comes to my kid’s birthdays celebrations since my kids and I are from out of state & have no family here. Her husband’s kids and I are almost as close as I am with my boyfriend’s. Hell My son is staying over at her house tonight because my daughter is having a sleepover.
She keeps my kids if we go on a week couple vacation. Hell her Mom has came to My children’s events to be the "Grand parent " in the crowd for them…
As long as there are Legitimately no hard feelings nor grudges being held and you Put the Child/ren 1st.
Jessica Vollmer, have I missed anything?
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The fact that he refuses to put anything in writing is a huge red flag. Go to court
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Get the courts involved. That way he cant just stop letting you see your baby or run off out of state with your baby. Trust me. I coparent well with both my kids dads. But we still have a parenting plan in place just Incase. It protects you, him and the baby.
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I’ve co parented for 14 years it’s been hard at times especially at the beginning when hurting but if your both in the mind set that it’s about the children then it can work. I’m guessing you know your soon to be ex well enough to judge weather this will work for you both. We don’t have set rules and days dates etc it’s all about what works for all of us in a week to week basis. We kind of go with the flow and get on really well and our daughter is happy and healthy. Im really proud of the way we are, yes it’s far from conventional but it works for us.
I Hope what ever you decide to do you don’t loose sight of it being what is best for your child. So many get caught up in getting one over the other that they loose sight of what’s important.
Best of luck
I have 4 kids with my ex and we have co parented for the past 5 years with no court, no child support, and little drama. If you need to chat, message me. Good luck to you momma!
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my sons dad and I have been separated since he was 4 months old (he’s almost 6) we’ve never gone through the court system.
just lots of patience and lots of communication.
it can be done id both parties are willing to be open and respectful
at the end of the day it’s all about the child. and if you both want whats best its easier
Go get a court order. I’ve seen ppl have decent co parenting relationships for years n then a new partner comes along on one side or the other…pushing their opinions onto the other parent n making them do asinine shit like snatch their kids from school or never give em back after a visit. Get the court order just for your own peace of mind.
If you leave the child with him and are unable to agree and end up in court the courts try to maintain status quo so he will keep custody. Even if you don’t retain a lawyer go have a couple free consultations so they can tell you what Judges in your area normally do.
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My kids are 15 and 9 and we have been separated for 8 years and co parenting just fine without getting the courts involved. We have a set schedule and stick to it.
My sons dad and i have for two years now.we were only together a year n a half and just didnt get along. We r better friends than partners.he get sour son every other weekend and on holidays we just work around each others holiday schedules and he gets him for any extra that he wants. Our son is 2 now
Just dont
Never works out
Get a case
Fine until someone starts dating.
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Um he is manipulating you?
Unless thats not biologically your child or you’ve already been to court to sign him full custody theres no world where the man would automatically take guardianship of the kid after a breakup.
The mom gets it…that’s why he doesnt want to go to court or sign anything because if a judge gets involved you’ll be given custody. Not him
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Yes it’s possible u both just have to be respectful to each other and sit down and talk about a schedule and child support etc if he refuses to budge then maybe threaten taking him to court but play it cool for now
You can go to mediation and set up a parenting plan without “involving the courts”. It just needs to be filled with the court after its drafted for it to be valid but you don’t need to involve attorneys or anything. It may seem like it can be worked out now without the courts involvement but as the years go on, you both marry other people, have kids with other people, your kids grow older and their needs change, one of you looses a job or has to move, that’s when shit’s going to hit the fan. Just get the parenting plan now so it never has to get to that volatile of a situation. Think of it as preventative maintenance 
What state are you in? You need to know what your parental rights are before leaving your son with him. But yes this is totally possible, my daughters father and I have done this now for 11 years. It hasn’t been easy, but at the end of the day we put her first and we work through the challenges.
My ex and I are pretty good at it now. It took work.
Our son just turned 16 in May and we just went to court for the first time about a year ago. Long story. But from about 2 months old to 15 years old we never had the court involved. We always decided everything between the 2 of us. I think because we had only been dating for a few months before I became pregnant and then broke it off shortly thereafter that there were no substantial feelings from the get go. So I’m almost positive that not having a deep emotional relationship made things easier. But, it can be hard work because you have to learn to put your own feelings aside and collective make decisions. Now that our son is older we pretty much let him decide where he’s staying even though we have a loosely based 50/50 schedule. I think that’s helped our son tremendously to have 2 parents that put him first. I’m very fortunate that he only lives a few streets away. I co-parent with my ex-husband as well and we have a very healthy relationship. It all comes down to loving your child(ren) more then you hate your ex. Best of luck. 
xo
Tried it, first time my son was almost taken out of state, then it was almost impossible to coparent after my daughter was born.
Sounds like he’s planning on keeping the child?
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Try a verbal agreement before involving the courts.
You need to go to court. It depending on what state you live in you do not have to let him have 50/50 if you are not married in the state of Indiana if his name is on the birth certificate you have to prove he is the father.
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Get the courts involved for your child’s safety.
Get a parenting plan… And child support. If he violates wither one… Put him in jail…
Stop catering to the men.
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Sure do. Took some time but we got there and it’s been the best thing for our son.
Me ex and I are separated and we handle co parenting pretty well. Keep in mind that every situation is different and no two couples are the same.
I’m not sure where you live. But in Virginia if there is no custody agreement he can take the child and not give him/her back until you go to court and the judge decides custody. And that could take months! I would not trust him. Why does he get to tell you when you’ll see the child? Take your child and leave. Go immediately and file for custody before he does. It can be done without the court but I wouldn’t trust it especially if he won’t put it in writing. Even then it probably won’t mean much unless it’s actually court ordered.
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All you two need to do is make a plan and stick to it. It’s that easy. But you also need to be flexible if there’s a family event on your weekend let whoever have the kid and switch weekends. Remember you both love the child and both want time.
You’re leaving him and not taking your child with you???
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He claims you can see y’all kid everyday? Me personally, I wouldn’t leave until I could take my child with me. Once you leave that house he can go for full custody and say you abandoned the child. You may want to rethink this until you find a suitable home. That way you guys can put some type of joint custody agreement in writing and get it notarized.
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My sons father and I have been successfully co parenting for 4 years now without involving the courts. We both are in different relationships. There is no reason to involve courts if you dont have to. Some families dont work like that though. My sons dad gets him on the weekends. And if I ever need to keep my son for a weekend because of a birthday party or something important we talk about it. Communication is key and put your kid first. It’s possible.
One babydaddy coparents with me perfectly, no court needed. We are adults. Other babydaddy, been a nightmare for the past 8 months. Cannot communicate and has dragged all my business through court… moral of the story… if he really cares about the child it can easily be worked out without court all in your business
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Not sure why he says ‘you can visit every day’ unless you’re leaving your child with him and that’s your choice. A couple of red flags are that he doesn’t want to sign anything and you must not trust him or you wouldn’t be asking. Best to go to court cuz odds are one day you’ll want to visit but you won’t know where
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No one on here knows what he is like but you they are basing on thier situation think about do you trust him is he capable of taking your son and not letting you see him or if he will keep his word you are the one who knows him we dont one guy will keep the kid and youd never see it agin one will make sure to let you see him I think it is wise to look up the law in your state and relly think before leaving a child with anyone you know him we dont
I have. My sons father sees him Tuesday from when he gets off work till 7:30. Same for Thursday. Then he gets him 11-5 on Saturday and Sunday. However that will change once my son starts sleeping through the night
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I know this is a repeating statement… but the wording of the post makes it seem like he’s in control of child… as a mom… NO ONE would EVER control my life with my child… IM IN CONTROL. I would NEVER prevent relationship if co parenting was an opition… but i would never give up or give in to control issues
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Yup! Never got the courts involved. Our son is 15. His dad and I co parent pretty well. Of course have disagreements sometimes but never let it get in the way of co parenting our son.
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You have nothing without a court order. Just cause you go to court doesn’t make it bad, just legally binding. You can go to court say we agree sign here judge! Putting it in writing without a judge signature means nothing.
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Court left it up to me to decide when my ex gets visitation because of his job he had while we were divorcing didn’t allow a set time because he traveled for work. Over the summer, pretty much when COVID started, we’ve unplanned but been doing 3-4 weeks with me, 2 weeks with him and repeat. He can work from home now and lives in another state but driveable distance. He could take me back to court to get a set arrangement but we respect eachother and I wait for him to ask to see the kids. I have full physical custody so I could say no and there’s nothing he could do without involving court
Fill out and sign a parenting order.
Not forcible unless it’s not in writing. You really should seek legal advice! So much is involved!
Parenting time
Holidays
Activities, sports, etc
Health insurance
Child support
Medical expenses not covered by insurance.
The list is endless!
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Either go to court or get something in writing and notarized. Without it, you have nothing.
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I do but it’s because baby daddy doesn’t want anything regular. I moved away while pregnant. He direct deposits 75 a week into my account and I do visit him once a year and he visits me once a year. He’s not on the certificate.
If you don’t get a parenting plan you or the other parent can move the children away without permission of the other parent, parenting plans protect both parents and the children. It is not wise to go without one, I know someone who has not seen their daughter in 15 years because of there not being a parenting plan.
Me and my ex are relatively good at coparenting. No court involved. However I wouldn’t believe any thing your ex says at the moment when things are still raw. My ex has promised and agreed to many things relating to kids but when he had a bad day he would do shitty stuffs like not returning the kids or not paying for activities of the kids that he asked to pay for. He doesn’t pay child support either. But that I’m ok with.
I’m going thru the same thing except baby isnt here yet & I’ve decided I will go thru court bc 1 we will NOT agree & 2 wlo court documentation when it comes his time to visit he can basically “kidnap” the child so to speak until you are then forced to go to court to help get your child back & we all know how slow the courts take.
I’m sorry you will get to see him every day… is he planning on keeping your child if you leave him? I’d be getting some sort of written agreed and signed order.
Well my ex and I coparent to a point. He has my son full time and I can see him whenever I want and I get him every weekend. He even helps me out with groceries for when I have him. We never involved the courts.
I’m confused. You’re leaving him and leaving your child with him?
You’d get to see the child every day?
Why would you voluntarily give him primary custody?
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Dont fall for that trap lady. Knownyour self worth
I do. My almost 2 year olds father and I get along pretty much just fine. If I need diapers or wipes I just ask and he gets it no questions asked and drops them off. I don’t ask or get child support from him for that reason. I allow my daughter to vc him any time he has free time at work, any time he is off work he knows he can have her. I provide her clothes and diapers for when he takes her as well as her fav blanket, and sometimes even food for both of them. We have never had to have court involvement and don’t intend to
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well one thing if I was able to care for son I would not leave him behide and if do everything should be in writing and stamp by someone to back this all up and sign in front of a person so if have to take to court you have that
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Go through the courts or at least a lawyer that way it’s all on paper
I’ve been through this and my brother. Just an FYI if there is NO court order whatever parent has the child has custody of the child. Police will not help it’s a civil issue. I would definitely have something in writing. Never trust words. Unless you feel you can trust, but if you fully trust the situation would you be asking?
My brother ex took off for six months out of state with their child. He tried the no court thing but it didn’t work.
My ex husband and I kept it out of court , but we did have a written schedule and was notarized. Just so we both knew so there would be no mix ups
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You can lose custody easier if you don’t involve the courts, although it sounds like you don’t want custody? Are you leaving the child to live with dad?
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I would never risk it. My children deserve the security a court ordered parenting plan gives. Going to the courts doesn’t have to mean you guys are no longer civil and most courts send you to a mediator anyways before seeing a judge.
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I do. We promised each other to never use our son against one another and know that in everything we are still a team. We are better friends for it now than when we were together and it’s been so much healthier for our son. All I can say is be honest and be open and communicate everything as a team. Not rivals
No. You need the courts involved. He’s not even willing to sign something drawn up by the both of you. So ya protect yourself.
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Well you need to go to the courts in your state and apply for physical custody. As in you make all rules and your child lives with you. THEN IF HE CUT UP ON YOU. And you file for child support regardless asap.