Has Anyone Done 50/50, Week-On/Week-Off Co-Parenting with a 5-MO Baby? Any Advice for Me?

Motherhood
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QUESTION:

"Does anybody do 50/50 co-parenting where the child stays at one parent’s house for a week, then goes to the other parent’s house for a week?

The baby is five months old. 2.5 hours in between the two houses, which are in different states."

RELATED QUESTION: Has anyone co-parented without getting the courts involved?

TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):

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“That’s too long for the baby to be away from you! Maybe if the child was older but even then it’s too hard. I would never put my kids through that.”

“I think that’s too rough for a 5-month-old. They need their mom. That’s why other countries have maternity leave for up to a year. Babies need their mom. Maybe every other weekend she can go to her dad’s for 3 days? And he can come visit her at any time. I know that may be hard on him but this is what’s best for the baby since she’s so young. When she’s older then it can be reevaluated.”

“We did it… the kids hated it!!! They said they felt like they were living out of backpacks…”

“That seems young for alternating weeks.”

“This is what we do but it wasn’t established until the kids were toddlers. Our papers have different guidelines and times and days for visitation for babies up to 18 months. I don’t think a judge will let a child that small do week here a week there.”

“I have done this for the past 10 years, my son absolutely loves it, the only difference is my son’s father lives in a different town. As your child gets older though, I’m assuming it would change due to schooling.”

“We do a 2-2-3 schedule. I nixed the one week on one week off right away. Dad gets every other weekend and 2 days during the week for our 3-and-a-half-year-old. That just started when he turned 3. But we also live maybe a mile away from each other so if he has to work it’s easy to drop off to me.”

“Sooner baby is used to it, the better. However! What happens when they are in school? Not a reasonable arrangement…”

“The child is very young for that. I personally wouldn’t do it unless the child asked to do it. Then any sign of not working I’d stop it. It’s about the child. They aren’t like toys to be shared around. Good luck.”

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READ ALL ANSWERS BELOW:

8 Likes
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I have done this for the last 5 years.

1 Like
3

It’s hard on the kids. But they get equal time with us.

4

We did it…the kids hated it!!! They said they felt like they were living out of backpacks…

6 Likes
5

It will be hard when school starts if you’re considering long term.

1 Like
6

We are in Michigan and live within 15 minutes of eachother. They go to their moms mon tue…dads wed thur then alternate the fri sat sun. They are 8 & 5 though. I can’t imagine going without seeing my 5 month old for a week straight, but with the distance, I don’t know how many options you’d have. :tired_face:

1 Like
7

I do it. My daughter is just turned three. She loves the time she spends with her daddy and loves his girlfriend. It can be hard different rules for different households but if you communicate well then that shouldn’t be a issue.

8

That’s too long for the baby to be away from you! Maybe if the child was older but even then it’s too hard. I would never put my kids through that

20 Likes
9

This is what we do but it wasn’t established until the kids were toddlers. Our papers have different guidelines and times and days for visitation for babies up to 18 months. I don’t think a judge will let a child that small do week here a week there.

2 Likes
10

That seems young for alternating weeks

6 Likes
11

I have done this for the past 10 years, my son absolutely loves it, only difference is my sons father lives in a different town. As your child gets older though, I’m assuming it would change due to schooling.

1 Like
12

My daughter did horrible with the 2-2-3 schedule and stared doing terrible in school. We switched to the week on week off and it’s a complete 360 with her and she loves it. She is 7 in January. Just stated this in 2019

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13

Yes we do it he goes Monday- Monday and we get him for the night on Thursday of the week he’s at the other parents house

14

The child is very young for that. I personally wouldnt do it unless the child asked to do it. Then any sign of not working I’d stop it. It’s about the child. They arnt like toys to be shared around…
Good luck

1 Like
15

My son and his ex do it!

16

If it’s doable definitely do it. My kids don’t get to see their dad very often maybe once a month or 2 months he is otr trucker. It is really rough on them. I wish he was local just for the kids sake. I would definitely do 50/50 parenting. My bonus kids we get them 3-4 nights a week. It is a little hard with the school going back to 5 days. (Last school year my fiance worked by their school) We plan to move to their school district as soon as we get our other house is ready. We hate the town, but love them more. 50/50 parenting can be amazing if all parties involved are willing to put in the work.

17

Too much for such a young baby

18

I’m in Alabama and they wouldn’t start over night visits until my son turned 3

2 Likes
19

I think that’s too rough for a 5 month old. They need their mom. That’s why other countries have maternity leave for up to a year. Babies need their mom. Maybe every other weekend she can go to her dads for 3 days? and he can come visit her at any time. I know that may be hard on him but this is what’s best for the baby since she’s so young. When she’s older then it can be reevaluated.

11 Likes
20

Here the court does not want children under two away from the primary caretaker for longer than 24 hours

1 Like
21

I couldn’t for a 5mo old. We do it now with middle & high school.

22

I wouldnt do it with a child that young especially if he or she is breastfeeding i would rather do 2 or 3 days idk

23

Sooner baby is used to it, the better. However! What happens when they are in school? Not a reasonable arrangement…

1 Like
24

I used to, half the month me and half the month the other parent …Im in California, him in Nevada. It was cool because half the month I just worked and led a normal social life and the other half a month I paid daycare and was a mother…this went on since my kid was 6 months to 4 years…now I have her full-time because of school.

25

My niece and her baby dad agreed to this when baby was born, however they did not implement it until she turned two so that she didn’t have to go back and forth so frequently at that age

26

I do with my 13 year old

27

2.5 months old no way I’m staying away from my baby like that!

1 Like
28

As child who has been through divorce. I say do it baby will adjust . How many babies spend most of their waking hours with strangers.? Think about it and they do fine .

29

2.5 months is WAY too young for that

30

And it won’t work when the kid goes to school with you being that far apart.

31

No way thats too young … thats jus my opinion

32

That child is not old enough to be going back and forth like that in my opinion… Once they are older that could be a good parenting plan as long as you both live in the same school district…

33

We do a 2-2-3 schedule. I nixed the one week on one week off right away. Dad gets every other weekend and 2 days during the week for our 3 and a half year old. That just started when he turned 3. But we also live maybe a mile away from each other so if he has to work its easy to drop off to me

1 Like
34

I do. And it’s rough for the child. As soon as she gets adjusted to one household and routine, she has to leave and go to the other house. It’s especially rough when both houses have two separate rules. Worst thing ever. I don’t recommend it.

35

5 years ago, an attorney told me 50/50 is harmful to a child’s emotional and mental well being unless the parents are very good friends (they are very civil and agree 100% on the upbringing of the child and all parenting matters) and live very close to one another (in the same school district). He said he believes its confusing to the child because they don’t know where to call home.

3 Likes
36

Sounds like a nightmare for the child.

1 Like
37

I do an it worked out great but our son was older at the time… we went week in week off with every Wednesday getting the night on our weeks offs to split it up abit. They don’t recommend that big of a GAp with younger children tho so maybe try three on two off… good luck!! Hope you guys can make something work!

38

Not at the age I don’t think it’s really fair tbh me and my sons dad do like half the week each then share Xmas ect together

39

We do this but we’re in the same county. She’s talking about moving out of state though, so the parenting plan will be revamped if/when she does.

40

No but I’ve had a friend do this since her kiddo was 15 months. It has been great for her kiddos but the school needs to be done there accessable for both

41

Ok what about when said kiddo is in school… 2 separate school districts 2 different sport groups?

42

I think 50/50 works great we are 1.5ish hours apart but her school is right in between (we live on the opposite outskirts of town, and my husband and I work 5 minutes from the school though). sports are either on one end or the other and we have done this since she was almost 2, now she is 5. You don’t have to like eachother but if you both love your child you do what you can IF POSSIBLE for them to enjoy all of their family … just my opinion. Does not work for everyone by any means though

43

One will most likely be getting weekends, summers and taking turns on holidays

44

That child should be with you until he/she is 2 years old first. Then instead of you allowing it…maybe look at school holiday times instead of when he wants. It’s not good for the kid other wise.

2 Likes
45

My cousin does it and HATES it. His ex wife is 3 hours way in another state and in their divorce she agreed to move back when she (their daughter) started kinder… and shocker she can’t because of the new husband’s custody agreement. Good luck!

46

I grew up with that…I wouldn’t…2 different style households…it was like packing my life up every Sunday…

1 Like
47

Are you already implementing this arrangement? Honestly it really depends on how the two of you feel about it and how its working out every family and situation is different. I think its great that your both trying to stay 50/50 given how far apart you live I understand why you chose to try week on week off. With as young as the child is I would suggest making a pro/ con list and see if the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. With that said If it were me given how young the child’s age is I would recommend trying to split up the week. You have the child 4 days and the other parent 3 days during the week and then the next week switch it. Its still completely equal and you both are getting time throughout each week.
I wish you the best and hope you find a solution thats works best for the both of you. Happy Co-parenting :blush:

48

5 months old I think is a bit young for that

2 Likes
49

It is the best thing although if you’re in a different School district it’s probably going to be hard although 5 months old that’s not that are you sure you’re going to be comfortable with your baby being away from you for a week yes he needs time with his dad but are you going to be okay as a mother I know I wasn’t going to be okay from being away from my kids that long you might want to try a couple of days first and see if you can progress from there as long as the baby’s on the bottle that shouldn’t be a problem if you are exclusively breastfeeding then I see a huge problem for him but yes 50/50 parenting is fantastic

50

50/50 is awful if the parents can’t get along and once school age hit 2.5 hours would be harder.

51

When I was a kid thats how my parents did it - but I was also 15 and my brother was 7 AND they lived in the same town.
That might work now but when school starts it won’t work.

52

We live 1.5 hours away from one another. We do 50/50 have since she was 3 years old. We decided on 2 weeks on 2 weeks off due to the commute being so far but now that she’s in school it’s more complicated she goes to school at her dad’s my house almost every weekend and all summer with me. Its horrible I do NOT recommend getting yourself into this position. Its a lot of driving and time in the car for a child plus gas and things going wrong with your vehicles. Crazy the amount of miles I’ve put on cars in the last 6 years! I also pay HIM child support as we have 50/50 physical and legal and I make so much more than he does so make sure you work those things out IN COURT ORDER BEFORE you agree. I drive to pick her up and he drives here to pick her up so we both drive 1 way.

53

I do one week with me and one week with my ex with the swap day being Friday. But…my kids are older (14 & 10) and we only live 35 mins apart. That schedule might be rough on a child so young. You could always try easing into that schedule by starting with a few days at a time.

54

I do. He lives in Mississippi and I live in alabama. We meet half way. No child support.

55

Dad has too see his kid to regardless of where he is

56

With a 5 month old? Why?

57

I’ve been doing it for 3yrs now, change overs after school Fridays. Boys were 2 and 4 when we started. Was little difficult at the beginning but the kids quickly adapted to it. Now they both at school and works out really well. It helps that we get along too and put the kids needs 1st. We also live in the same town and boys go to the same school